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I had a similar experience with a close friend who tried to talk me out of it. I explained in doing this for my health, that they don't understand the struggle I have with the desire to want to consume more than what is a healthy portion of food, and yes I can lose the weight without surgery, but the band is going to help me keep it off, which the dozen other diets I've been have shown that yes I can lose it, but keeping it off is the issue. In the end, I just had to block out those unsupportive comments and focus on the supportive comments and behaviors from other friends, all with the mindset that the lap band surgery is something I'm going for myself so my opinion is the most important.

My surgery is tomorrow. I've been attempting to explain the liquid diet to my 2 tots and it has been difficult. The doc gave me the reasonable expection that I maybe out of commision for at least 5 days. My spouse has been unsupportive in the whole process and I think will do anything to hinder me. For anyone that has had surgery, how long were you out of commision and were you able to take care of your kids? I don't have help and am a stay at home mom.

Sassy pants, there is a difference between making a choice to eat or drink something we know to be other than the best for us, and owning that as being a step out of the ordinary, owning a poor choice as a poor choice we made in an informed way and those who make a poor choice, than try to seek validation for it as being okay, or not a poor choice. We all make mistakes. And I would say we will all have times where we eat or drink something that is not the best for our health and wellbeing. But where we differ is those who are prepared to own such decisions for what they are compared to those who will seek validation and attempt to deny that they may have done something less than ideal. Drinking diet coke is a poor nutrition choice. That statement is without judgement. I would go so far as to assert that statement as fact. Someone who chooses to drink diet coke can either say "I know it is a poor choice but I am making it because it makes me feel good regardless" or they can try and argue that drinking diet coke is a good nutrition choice and then attack those who do not agree with claims of them being unsupportive, or unentitled to comment because of having a history of making similar poor choices. The latter usually results in a bit of train wreck of a thread. I had two glasses of wine last night with my sister. It was great, felt normal, and was enjoyable. But it was dumb. I awake this morning dehydrated and with heartburn. And I consumed 210 empty calories. Will i do it again? Highly likely. Will I come in here and try and convince people that it is a sensible choice then get angry when you all don't blindly support me? No. Never. I am accountable for my own decisions. Even the dumb ones. Sent from my iPad using VST

well I am just at the start of my journey, finishing up insurance requirements etc before meeting with surgeon. I had debated wether I wanted to share the info with anyone or not. I believe my fear that people would believe I took the easy way out, or be disappointed or unsupportive was actually due to my own previous notions on the topic. Until I learned about the surgery, about the life style changes etc ..I too thought it was unnecessary and the easy way out. While I do not feel I owe anyone explanations I know if I get the surgery I will be upfront with any and all, not for them, but for me. It helps me to explain what a life style change is needed, how it is a tool not a cure. We have a saying in my line of work Your only as sick as your deepest secret. This isn't one I want to be tortured over.

I own a gazelle. I use it daily. I had gained too much weight and could NOT fit on it when I first started, so I marched in place. When I finally fit again it hit my hips and I could only do 5 minutes the first day. My ankles hurt my butt too. I got to 10 minutes then I started doing 15 minutes twice daily. I finally got to 1/2 hour mark and oh wow, I felt wonderful. I tried for 1/2 hour early and then at night another 10 minutes. I can now do an hour twice a day if I chose to do it. (this was presurgery) At 4* weeks after being sleeved I did the gazelle about 10 minutes and it pulled a bit too much on my stomach. I retried at 5 weeks and it was easier. I am back up to an hour every day. I swim daily about 1-2 hours and I also walk, I debate on how long I am going to do the gazelle now. Some days I try to do 1/2 hour and some days I do an hour in the am and then do other exercises throughout my day. If you try going barefoot or with unsupportive shoes your bottom of feet and ankles will hurt, you may even hurt your hips a little bit too. I use tennis shoes or winter crocs that have a thick bottom and they are very tight and supportive. Make sure you move your arms into different positions so you can work different muscle groups and not overwork the same part of your arms. Keep your body erect. Good luck. It's a great machine (though a bit squeaky & loud) especially for someone who has joint issues and for someone that is just getting used to exercising again. Take it slow and work your way up and as Tony Little says....YOU CAN DO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

I chose not to keep it a secret. My reason was that so many people that I work with struggle with their weight, even those who are"skinny" work to maintain it. So I thought I would be open and answer all of the questions, figuring that not only was I widening my support system, but maybe help someone along the way. I have been very fortunate, I work with four different schools and have not had one negative or unsupportive comment during this whole experience. It actually has been the opposite, I have gotten many supportive cheers for my accomplishments so far. Even a few of my "skinnier" friends, have started exercising again with me. I went so far as to post a monthly update with comparison photos on my Facebook account. I think each person has to know what they are comfortable dealing with and how much information you are willing to share about the journey.

Wow! Sounds like you just have all kinds of unsupportive people around you! Girl you keep your head high! You do what you need to do to make YOU happy! I just want to say in really sorry your going through this but you just keep moving along with it! Your gonna be so happy once you have your surgery! I'm 6 days away from surgery and so dang excited! Good Luck! Johnathan

I can't be on a diet cuz it's vacation and who diets on vacation?? These women have probably never dieted either, so they would only scoff at that. And my in laws are very unsupportive in whatever I do, and one of the ladies going to Florida with me is good friends of the family, so if she knows the whole clan will know. About three years ago a family friend got gastric and she lost 50 lbs and gained most back within the year....I heard so much gossip and negative things about her being lazy and taking the easy way out, I'd rather keep my business to myself!

Truly i was not in all that much pain. A few hours after surgery yes because the gas leaving my body. It was uncomfortable not unbarable. 6 hours post op i was walkin around the hospital.. Slowly but walking on my own. Day 2 i went to a reunion at the park and day 3 i walked to the dentist. Its more discomfort then pain. I wish you the best and i hope he changes his mind and perhaps once youve had the surgery and he begins to see your success he will. But i truly feel awful for your sitiation i couldnt imagine the person i need the most being unsupportive. Id take him to a doc appt. Maybe the doc could help explain that diet and exercise isnt always enough for everyone and that just because you diet and lose doesnt mean its easy to keep off. No matter what i did i couldnt lose it and keep it off. I just hope your decison about the band doesnt change just because of what he thinks because it is about you,your health, and your future in the end not him.

My hubbie was very supportive but scared for me at the same time. His grandmother died from stomach cancer so he kept asking my doc about what will happen in 50 years when I'm in my 80s. Of course my doc said she'll still be eating her smaller portions. My hubbie didn't tell a bunch of people cos I told him it wasn't everyone's business. Basically only his dad, my parents & a few select friends have been told. My dad actually had more of a problem cos my auntie had so many problems after hers (but she had more co-morbidities than me which I'm trying to avoid). But my dad said he wouldn't tell anyone & he hasn't. In fact this last Tuesday, day before my surgery my dad was still trying to talk me out of it. My hubbie said how you gonna explain all your weight loss & I told him I'll just say medically supervised diet & exercise which technically it is. I'm sorry to hear your husband is being unsupportive of your wishes & feelings. Hang in there & hopefully things will get better.

Maybe it isn't that he's unsupportive . It could be fear. This is surgery and with surgery there are risks. It's a life style change for the entire family and it's unfamiliar. To fear the unfamiliar is normal.

You have every right to have ALL the mixed emotions. This is my 3rd time to Go through the approval process. Each time I found a 'reason' not to proceed. Very unsupported family members helped changed my mind. (they do not know about the surgery this time) I Was approved in 2008 for bypass, (thankful now I didnt do the bypass) I know this is what I want, I still struggle everyday. I just think everyday how much this will improve my health and how I want to live healthier for the rest of my remaining life.

What about diabetics? Is the sleeve just as good? I know a lot of people say RNY is better for diabetics. My sister and I are both having surgery and she has chosen RNY because of this. I do not want to try to undo influence her for a sleeve as she might feel unsupported for her RNY. Should I say something? I think the sleeve would be better for her too.

I'd call your Dr. and let him know how unsupportive that psych was. If it were as easy as just dieting, we'd all be thin. I don't feel that I owe an explaination to anyone. My health and life depends in this and it's not their business. I am very successful in every sspect of my life except this, amd i dont have another twenty years of my life to waste on this. I actually am starting to suspect that a lot more people do WLS than let on. I feel like a huge obstacle in my life is about to be lifted and I can't wait.

Not everyone has supportive people in their lives, the ones that do, you are blessed. Some people like myself feel that most people in my life would be unsupportive. And Its not always an issue of worrying what these unsupportive people think or say, sometimes it just that you dont want to deal with them. Also, not telling someone doesnt constitute lying, its just not telling them! Its a very personal journey & is up to the individual who they tell & who they dont. Anyone that wants to keep this surgery to themselves dont let others make you feel guilty for doing so.

I forgot who said it in someone elses post about how their friend was being unsupportive and rude, but in not so much reference to that; you're losing the pounds so why not lose the people/situations that aren't supporting that positive thing in your life? Not suggesting you should get a divorce, but LET HIM KNOW that his unsupportive behavior is not cool and that he should try to be more understanding of where you are coming from instead of being such a jerk about the whole situation. Tell him you don't have room for all that negativity!

I can relate to what your going through. It seems when you tell people that you are doing this there are three types of replies: 1. Supportive 2: dont really care or 3: unsupportive, and automatically they are nutrionists, dieticians, and have the secrets to getting thinner. And these people are usually the skinniets people, or people that don't struggle with weight loss. Your true friends are the ones that can look you in the eye and say they love you the way you are but support you in making the changes that will make you happy.

I also work in a very unsupportive setting and will not be telling anyone. I am scheduled for 6/25 and I am just taking vacation. I have been on the liquid diet for the past two weeks and will continue after surgery. I plan to tell everyone I am on the same liquid diet that Chaka chan is on lol

His excuse was he forgot. My unanswered questions were...why was I topic of conversation...hope you made sure to tell them your unsupportive ass wasn't helping financially, that I was paying for it...and why would you even tell them since you say it's not gonna work, not gonna help. His response. I forgot, I'm not perfect. My response to that was 'i thought I was the only imperfect one around here' (cause he treats me like everything I do is wrong and never good enough.

Ok, so I go to my surgeon's support group and last night someone said something that struck me emotionally. A lady was talking about how she wants the sleeve and her husband, who was with her, was against it. After she was done talking another lady, who also didn't have the sleeve yet, said ".... but you're not that big". Seriously???? We're at a sleeve support group and you bring that out??? Yes, the lady who said that was larger than the one with the unsupportive husband, and I think that maybe this lady was just trying to make the other feel better (compliment??), but I got so emotional and had to call the lady out on what she said. I was told alot by friends and family that they didn't think I was big enough. I'm sure they thought of it as a compliment but really it hurt because I could never talk to them about the sleeve beyond their accusation of my size. I was 290 before I got sleeved and had tried and tried and tried and wanted to be able to diet and exercise SO BAD but I couldn't do it mentally. I came to the conclusion to do it for ME because I KNEW I needed a tool to help me, and asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness. Its a very personal decision that everyone makes to have it, and to hear someone say "you're not that big" now not only hurts but pisses me off. So I guess what I'm saying is for people who may not be 350+ or who wear it well, don't listen to the ignorance when people try to tell you you don't need the surgery when you know in your heart that it is the right decision for you.

Ok, so I go to my surgeon's support group and last night someone said something that struck me emotionally. A lady was talking about how she wants the sleeve and her husband, who was with her, was against it. After she was done talking another lady, who also didn't have the sleeve yet, said ".... but you're not that big". Seriously???? We're at a sleeve support group and you bring that out??? Yes, the lady who said that was larger than the one with the unsupportive husband, and I think that maybe this lady was just trying to make the other feel better (compliment??), but I got so emotional and had to call the lady out on what she said. I was told alot by friends and family that they didn't think I was big enough. I'm sure they thought of it as a compliment but really it hurt because I could never talk to them about the sleeve beyond their accusation of my size. I was 290 before I got sleeved and had tried and tried and tried and wanted to be able to diet and exercise SO BAD but I couldn't do it mentally. I came to the conclusion to do it for ME because I KNEW I needed a tool to help me, and asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness. Its a very personal decision that everyone makes to have it, and to hear someone say "you're not that big" now not only hurts but pisses me off. So I guess what I'm saying is for people who may not be 350+ or who wear it well, don't listen to the ignorance when people try to tell you you don't need the surgery when you know in your heart that it is the right decision for you.

I didn't hesitate to tell people, but when I first started talking about it most told me that I didn't need to do it. My BMI was 40, and people were telling me, "you're not that big." I talked to an aunt who had had bypass surgery, and she said I didn't need weight loss surgery. Others were surprised about my choice. Co-workers wanted to know about the liquid phase. One asked why I couldn't just do that and lose weight. My answer was that I'd never be able to maintain a liquid diet without the WLS. I'd cheat. My mom absolutely thought I didn't need the surgery, but I knew she is delusional when it comes to weight issues. She isn't overweight herself, but my dad weighed over 400 pounds for most of my life until he died, and she was an enabler for his weight. My husband was VERY nervous about it. He was really worried that something bad would happen. He was worried about losing me. I knew he was nervous, but it is only recently that he really told me how he felt 9 months ago when I was determined to do it. He was supportive. He told me he would love me no matter my size, but if I felt I needed to do the WLS, he'd support me. Now, I'm learning he wasn't as on board as I thought because of his own concerns and worry, but he bit his tongue to support me. (I am a very lucky wife.) My kids didn't think I was obese, and they weren't sure why I was doing it. Now, 9 months later, and 72 pounds less, everyone else finally sees that I needed this surgery. My kids have even had the experience of looking at pictures of me from a year ago and finally seeing that I was obese. They never saw me as obese until I was smaller. It was a really surprising moment for them to look back at those pictures of me and finally see how big I used to be. I think the unsupportive family and friends comes from the blinders people have on as well as their own worries about losing you. My kids never would have called me obese and didn't think of me as fat until I lost weight. As a kid, I never thought of my dad as obese even though his waist was 60 inches. It was normal to me. It may help to look at this a bit differently -- it isn't that your family and friends are unsupportive of your idea of having WLS. It is that they are supportive of you the way you are now, and they are worried about you being hurt by what they see as an unnecessary surgery. My husband has noticed and commented that the biggest changes in me have been emotional not physical. I am happier because I don't have this negative dialogue in my head all the time telling me that I can't. I don't have the mortifying experiences in dressing rooms anymore. I don't have to worry about how I will look or if I can do something. I know I can. I am happier with myself, and it colors everything.

Ok to everyone who actually reads this Hi! That being said, blogging makes me feel weird because I am ultimately typing to hear myself type. Yeah I know strange huh? My mom suggested this as a way to talk to other people who understand what I am going through and the things that I struggle with on a daily basis. I say its a place for me to rant about stuff that may or may not be read, depending on whether or not my audience finds me entertaining. My mother finds me entertaining but let's face it, she's my Mom, kinda part of the job description even though I'm 35 years old. So for this first foray into blogging let's make this an open forum to talk about.......tuna? Exercise that you hate or love? Things that we gave up or will give up eating that makes you want to cry? I got a good answer for that one! Ummm supportive or unsupportive friends/family? You hate doctors, needles scare you, you are traumatized by clowns (also one of mine). I can say if they {who ever they are} put a clown in my fridge I would be very, very, thin..or just not scared of clowns anymore. So feel free to read this, not read this, believe I'm insane (good luck cause they (again with the they) already know that I'm crazy) or just want to also post random replies to peoples blogs because you are bored and want something constructive or destructive to do....

I changed my Dr as she was not supportive of my surgery. I was having surgery in Mexico & just needed her to do bloodwork after, check my incisions to make sure they were healing, that is about it. She was totally unsupportive & very negative about the whole thing. So I changed PCPs & now so much happier with my new Dr who is supportive!

Hey everyone on the loser's bench. my name is Amy. I started my Journey in Feb when I got a call from a local Bariatric doctor wanting to see me after recieving a heart wrenching letter from my sister. :wub: So my sister and I went in and he was on board to help even though I was uninsured. He said I was too big to safely perform the procedure here so I needed to lose 75-100 lbs and once I did that we could move forward. He told me to call him and keep him posted to my progress that way he wouldn't have to charge me for an office visit. He hoped to meet with me again in 6 months to maybe have a better idea of when we might be able to schedule a surgery. In the meantime he set me up with the Bariatric coordinator and nutritionist at the hospital to meet with regularly. Well this past year I jumped on the HCG band wagin and had already lost 40lbs gaining 20 back once I stopped. But I learned alot while on the diet and now that I have something so big to look forward to ( a new life) I figured maybe this would give me what I needed to kick it into high gear and lose the weight as soon as possible no matter how drastic it may look to others. Also I am nothig but agrgumentative, andI set my goal forApril and no one was going to tell me different. So with a cal count of 500 cals or less a day and 2hrs 5 days a week in the pool I went from 550 the first of feb to 480 mid apr. When I made the appointment with the dr and he saw my progress he was astonished and shock my hand that day saying he was on board and we were doing this. My surgery was scheduled for the first wednesday in May. I went in for preop the went prior to that and the day before the surgery I get the call saying my ekg came back bad and I would need to cardio. So the next day I was there and was given a all clear by him right away after he gave me an echo, and blood work that came back fine. So my new date was set for May 16th two weeks ago today. Sofar so good. I had no complications in surgeryand have had no set backs since I got home. I am trying to just learn my new tummy. I have just started the soft food stage which from my dr includes (eggs, tuna, deli meats, refried beans) I am excited for this because I was having an awful time wanting the protein shakes so now I feel I have better variety. Everything I have tried so far has gone well. I did have an egg white and cheese omelet (part of one anyway) last night that made my tummy get after me a little bit, but I think it was more the speed I was eating no what I was eating. So again just learning my tummy and how to really eat right will be the key I think. Refried beans and mashed taters do real well I have not been getting out and walking as much as I should (let the verbal assult commence) I know I need to, again this is something I need to just get use to. My start weight was 570 a year ago and well at 570 there is not much activity so I have become use to a seditary lifestyle and it is hard to come to terms that already that is not me. Since as of this morning I weigh in at 450 a full 120lbs since last year. Only 24 of that is post wls. So another thing I need to learn is how to get out and live. I am so use to keeping super busy with as little physical activity as possible because it hurts! Well now it doesn't so I need to just get going! Right now my only concerns are leaks I am so afraid I will do something that will cause me to hurt my new tummy and cause a leak, more time in the hosp, and more $$$ added to my bill. I am also afraid of eating too much or too little, but that where learning my tummy comes in. The first week and half I was scared to drink too much at a time because people kept saying sip sip sip so I did and I NEVER got all my fluids in. So what is a sip what is a gulp??? I discovered that I can drink normally I just can not drink like I am quenching a thirst (cup tilted back sucking down the fluid) that ladies and gentlemen is gulping (atleast in my case). As far as healing goes, I feel good. I have no real pain except muscle soreness, sometimes a sharp pain when I do stupid things like trying to stand unsupported using my tummy muscles or rolling over in bed, but I believe that is muscle too, I hope My incesions have healed except the spot my drain came out, but Dr just took that out last Thursday. It looks good, but not healed yet. I am super excited about this journey and excited to have a chance in my life to know what normal feels like because never in my whole life (since I was 2 anyway) have I been a "normal" size. But as my fav Author Dr Suess say " Why fit in when you were born to stand out" I don't think I will have any problem standing out no matter what size I am !!!!!