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I too am scheduled for surgery 10/3 but am terrified because i have no support, i have decided to hire someone to help me clean/cook because i have two little kids. i also have unsupportive husband so i need to recover ASAP. Good luck
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How And When Did You...
Izuri replied to Queen In Me's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I'm 25 and told my immediate family and told them it was okay to tell people. My mom is very close with my grandmother, and my grandmother is a chatterbox. As soon as my mom told her, my entire family knew. Like one day after she told her, I was getting messages from my cousins about it. Everyone has been really supportive. I haven't heard/seen everyone in my extended family yet, but I have a feeling they will all be happy for me. The classmates I have told in school all seem really happy for me. I just told another one of them the other day and he said that he knew I had lost a lot but wasn't sure if he should say anything - but that he was really happy for me. That was nice to hear. The only person that hasn't seemed as supportive is one teacher. I hadn't originally planned on telling her, just wanted to make her aware that I am 7 weeks post op from a GI surgery and she asked what and I told her and it was hard to gauge her reaction since I don't really know her. Either way, now she knows in case of emergency, so whatever. Oh, now that I think about it one of my friends was very unsupportive pre-op. I told him that I was doing it for my health and I appreciated his input, but that I would still be going through with it. And post-op I can tell you for sure anyone who says it's the easy way out (I got that a couple times) has NO clue what it's like =p I think it's easier to let it get through the grapevine than tell everyone up front - that way they know and if it comes up it does and if not then it doesn't really matter. I'm glad I told people, because eventually they will notice anyway and this way I've already dealt with the question of how I lost it. If they don't like it or disagree, that's fine, -
Calling All Low Bmi (Ers)
snow_white_39 replied to schnickyp's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
5'6" and 254 starting. 4½ months out, now 196. I'd be happy if I only lost 84lbs or so. I have 100lbs as my goal but I'd be happy even if it was less than that. I did tell friends and family, pretty open about it as people are curious. It's amazing the range of responses. Some people (who have been battling weight themselves for almost their whole adult life) were very UNsupportive. Can't believe I'd do something so "unnatural". And when I told them I was going to Mexico? Wow, they flipped their lids! I did not tell the coworkers because of the societal stigma of losing weight "the easy way" even though all of us on here know the truth about that and having 75% of your stomach removed isn't "easy". Like Nadoue, I told them high protein, low carb, cut out Diet Pepsi, some exercise and none of it is a lie. Would I do it again? Yup. Been a while since I've lost 57.5 lbs any other way - and the difference? This time I'm keeping it off!!! Good luck with your surgery! -
New Here, Looking To Get Banded In Jan. '13
Lapbandster replied to Butterflybaby's topic in Tell Your Weight Loss Surgery Story
If your family won't support you then maybe don't tell them? There is nothing worse than an unsupportive/uninformed family. My family is supportive but very "spaced out" they expect the weight to magically fall off. they think that my (relatively small) weight loss isn't good enough. they're nice to me, but i can sense the disappointment they're feeling. If they are uninformed/unsupportive then PLEASE get support from somewhere else. If you do choose to tell them, maybe sit them down and explain to them that this isn't magic -
Parents That Don't Agree With Wls
Sleevedreamz commented on ShrinkingMama's blog entry in Un-supporting Family Members
My mother was very unsupportive. She didn't say it was a quick fix (which sucks that yours did), but she just kept saying things to scare me. "What if....you get stomach cancer later on, die, have problems, etc. etc." However, my mother has never been supportive of anything or decision I've made so I am pretty much used to it. She is not educated on the matter and therefore she just says things she shouldn't say. She did the same thing when I became pregnant. I had back problems so when I got pregnant instead of being excited (like a normal person would) she made negative comments and really took the joy away from me. A few weeks later I lost the baby and I thought I may never forgive her pessimistic attitude towards everything. I realize every situation is different, but as you've said, you are your own woman and you are making this decision for you and for your happy and healthy future. Perhaps mom needs to go a few weeks without hearing from you in order to have time to realize that you have no space in your life for negativity. I completely understand being concerned, but sometimes I just don't get why people can't just be happy for other's decisions, etc. You have to do what is right for you and it is hard to want that approval and not be able to get it. You'll be in my thoughts as you undergo this transformation. I had my surgery Tuesday and I feel so excited for what the future holds. -
Shopping List.
TinyMamiOf3kids replied to landensmommy10's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
They have gowns for every size. I didn't use anything but the extra clothes I took with me. The best part was my first shower in my house. Omg! That felt so good. I felt so dirty. They didn't let me shower in the hospital until the last day but unsupported hubby didn't want to deal with me so didn't help me & suggested I shower at home so I did. -
And I am happy that some people here NEVER experience Unsupportive family members. The whole point of these forums is to have support. To bash someone for airing out their frustration over not having the support they need on an Internet forum when the point of it is for support is just ridiculous. So I am officially not soliciting comments from you and unsubscribing from this thread. Thanks again to all those who genuinely tried to support !!!
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I couldn't agree more. The fact is, the hypotheses they are making about lifestyle changes and so-called transfer addictions (even if they don't use those terms, I can't recall now -- I read that study a couple of weeks ago, but didn't re-read it today) from WLS patients in general are IMO entirely unsupported empirically at this point. The only evidence regarding the increase in alcohol abuse is the mechanical/physical change in bypass patients, where they absolutely metabolise alcohol differently than a non-bypassed person and this is very relevant to alcohol issues. I have not seen any convincing evidence yet that restriction-only procedures (ie, sleeve, band) lead to increased alcoholism (or drug abuse, etc.) in any significant way. I'm open to the evidence when they produce it, but I've just not seen it yet. The idea that newly thin people go off the 'deep end' and party too much and turn into big sluts is just as much a stereotype, IMO, as the stereotypes we've all had projected on us about being fat, lazy, dumb, etc. All that said, to the OP -- I think it's fine that you celebrated your 21st, happy belated b-day to you. I also first had a drink a month or two post-op (had to drink some champagne for a friend's birthday, oy bubbles on top of it LOL). I drink wine at least once or twice a week usually and I haven't had any problems with that. It's a personal choice, I think -- and unless there are health issues or addiction problems, it's not a 'wrong' personal choice. I chose to tell VERY few people about my surgery cos I don't like people knowing my personal business. That said, even if people did know about it, I wouldn't try to explain much or 'convince' them about it. That's often a waste of time. I'm fine for them to have their opinions, their perspective isn't relevant to my life most of the time, so I just keep the conversation polite and the topic brief. What other people think about me is none of my business anyhow...
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What Are Friends For...no Support
O.T.R. sleever replied to evonnrae's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
In the immortal words of Ice Cube "I love a woman with a big ass, not a big ass woman.". Don't take me wrong, I'm not slamming you at all. But I am trying to create some perspective. Your friend is doing what she is supposed to do, she is loving & showing concern for you. Think about your response. It was easy for you to stay big because your your friends made you feel comfortable with it. So it's their fault for being supportive? Now one friend isn't comfortable with this decision & you're down on her for being unsupportive? She is saying how she feels. She is uncomfortable with WLS probably due to some misconceptions or maybe 1 or 2 bad stories she's heard or seen. I think you are very lucky to have someone who cares enough to be uncomfortable, rather than just smiling and saying what you want to hear. If I were you I'd ask her why she thinks it's too dangerous and see if you can educate her on what she may be misinformed on. And if she can't be comfortable with you having WLS acknowledge that and appreciate her position. Let her know that you feel you need this (if you actually feel that way) and even though you understand her concerns you'd really appreciate her friendship and hope she will support you even though she may not agree with the decision. -
You Don't Have To Tell Ppl You're Having Surgery!
Izuri replied to Eyemallrt's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I haven't seen anyone bully people on here about tell or not to tell, so this topic kinda surprises me. I have seen a number of opinions and advice, but on top of not seeing a lot of unsupportive comments on those threads, I also don't see how anyone would be bullied into telling the people they know irl.... This is a forum, I ask for advice, but if I don't like the answers/comments I get, I tend to ignore it. I chose to tell people and I'm happy with my decision. I know there are a lot of people who have taken the other route and are happy. I felt like people would notice, and that if I told people around me it would be easier to have a support group of my friends/family. Plus, maybe with some people they wouldn't notice, but I think over time that people would figure it out with me, I've never been any good at dieting =p -
I'm so sorry you had that experience. I was claustrophobic during my sleep study and the anxiety had me feeling the same way! When you've been beaten down by people telling you you're fat or talking to you negatively it's easy to think that's what everyone will do. I hope you have a positive experience with the nutritionist, psychologist etc... I think most of them are working in this field because they really want to help overweight people (or were one themselves) and not because they are fat haters. I tried several times to get approval for the surgery and couldn't get it past insurance. Each time I was denied I got knocked further and further down emotionally, got more depressed and gained more weight. I was not strong enough to go self-pay and I honestly was shocked when I actually got the approval. There was no way I would have been able to save or set aside the money even if it meant losing weight to save my life. I didn't think I would be strong enough to go through the entire process another time or that I would be able to lose any weight, let alone 15 pounds before the surgery- I thought I would be the one person who forced them to cancel due to weight gain. Most of us are emotional eaters and when you take away our coping mechanism we get frustrated and scared and feel like we have failed or will fail. For what it's worth, you aren't alone, other people have felt or are feeling this way right now. You aren't alone, even though we don't always admit it, alot of us are scared, depressed, feel fat and worthless. You aren't alone, people will read this post and identify with it like I did, they will feel compassion for you and send you good wishes and prayer. You aren't alone, support may come in the strangest of places, even if it's on a message board, you deserve it, it's being given by people who know, who've been fat, who understand. You are not alone, you don't have to stand unsupported and without cheerleaders, let us support you, cheer you on and rejoice with you in your triumphs. You are not alone! Your feelings and emotions are valid and even if you feel like giving up, continue to reach out for support, there are lots of us here to provide it!
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Tomorrow I meet with my family practicioner to talk about a 3 month weight loss plan that will make my health insurance happy so I can have the surgery. I'm kinda scared that the dr will just say to me "well have you thought about diet and exercise?" I'm kind of expecting that answer from him because he seems the type. The problem is that I need his recommendation for my insurance to approve the surgery. Has anyone else had a problem with their doctor being less than supportive about WLS? What have you done about it? Has anyone had to switch doctors because of this problem?
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Honestly? He sounds like an uncompassionate and unsupportive jerk. Tell him to stop asking, you'll let him know when the situation changes.
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104Lbs? You Should Be Losing That In Like 4 Months.
pcosmommyof4 commented on RahRahRah's blog entry in Hurry Up and Wait
I couldn't imagine going through this with an unsupportive spouse. I hope things are better for you. If not do what you need to do for yourself! -
The hospital you are having your surgery done at may have an active support group that meets there, so check into it. Pre op is the best time to have any residual issues you may have with PTSD addressed...and also to be certain that your mood disorder is stable with counseling and/or medications. Post op there will be numerous chemical and physiological changes that you will be coping with, so you want to be in the best possible emotional health prior to surgery. It's always sad to read that individuals have unsupportive family members...ideally they should be the "go to" people for emotional support. There may be other options...the hospital support group, and even this forum. There are many participants here who are very knowledgeable and willing to share their insights and best practices with others who are on similar weight loss journeys. You are doing something positive for yourself...best wishes as your journey begins...
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Let me start by giving you a couple of my favorite quotes, Mommeof3... "You're on your own and you know what you know, you are the one who'll decide where to go!" - Dr. Seuss "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." Dr. Seuss First and foremost, I'm sorry you are dealing with that. It is sad that you are not receiving support from your family; however, your husband is in your corner and VERY supportive of the decision. You have to do what is right for you and your family. Don't let anyone step all over that and try to put fear in you. The realistic facts are: there are more complications from knee surgery than there is from vertical sleeve gastrectomy. Yes, could you die on the table, sure you could but you could with any surgery (minor or major). There is always a risk! As a matter of fact, you could die in a car accident driving over to visit that unsupportive family. You have to get to a point where you do what you need to do and don't worry about what they think. I am saying this, b/c my mother is so very unsupportive too and doesn't agree with my decision. But I have told her it is my decision to make and it is not up for discussion! The bottom line is at 325 lbs. I am staring down far more serious obesity related complications than the surgery ever will be. You will get LOTS of support on this site! Even though I am still a pre-opper (looking for late September/early October surgery date) I find this site invaluable to me and I am sure I will continue to see it that way. Good Luck to you and I leave you with this quote: "Get busy living or get busy dying!" - Andy Dufresne (played by Tim Robbins) in the movie The Shawshank Redemption P.S. I am a huge quote gal! Keep me posted on how that goes with your family.
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Unsupportive Husband..
TinyMamiOf3kids replied to connie3's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I'm married to the worst husband. unsupported doesn't understand anything -
Is making this choice even more difficult for me to make. He's not fat and has never been so I feel like he will never understand me. I'm just wondering if anyone else out there has or had a similar problem and how where you able to over come it.
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kimberlee venting is always allowed here, important to get stuff off your chest not to be rude or unsupportive.............. IMO you should have been the one to leave. Is it fair to ask maybe 6 other girls to move because you are having a problem with what they are eating. so IMO you (one person) should be the one to change rooms.- not 6 others in a group, my thoughts only, sorry - still luv ya
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I know how you feel. All the people in my life I've told about 10 out of the 10 my husband (o and my boss) are the only ones to support me in this decision. Everyone else had the same answer as your friend. *roll eyes*. Very disappointing, I don't even talk about it any more, but in January I will be going to Mexico to start my new journey with or without the unsupportive people behind me, because this is for me.
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What Do You Tell People When You Dont Want Them To Know?
init4me replied to Carrie's Journey's topic in POST-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I tell people that I think ( sometimes I'm not always right) that are mature enough to handle and or deal with information about it. I work in a dental office. Before my surgery I was telling everyone ( looking for approval and or support cause I was so damn scared). Not really the best move. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people were curious and supportive. Then I had co-workers and patients who were definitely not. Now, after the surgery....I don't share anything really with the co-workers who were unsupported ( and mean) and for the patients that will come back for appts.....not that interested in what they have to say about anything about me. I will keep it about their appt only and let them know I'm fine ( but noooo information). Now when someone comments about how great I'm looking I try to asses whether or not to say anything...it's my business. If someone is truly mature enough and seems very interested then I'll tell them. If I know that they are shallow and just want to know what I'm doing? I just say good ole diet and exercise and smile and walk away. It case by case. You do get to find out a little more about people then you want when having this surgery. It' good and bad. -
Today Is My Seminar/husband Still Not Supportive
neener1970 replied to knknosmom's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
It's life changing. My husband was scared too. Right before surgery he tried to get me to walk out. He went to the seminar and everything but he was scared but once I had the surgery and the weight started coming off he was right there with me happy I did it. He was never unsupportive but he said he would rather have me fat than dead. The fat will kill you anyway, it's just slower ....If he loves you he will get on board, maybe it will take living through the surgery to get him there but he will. If not maybe he is that person that would hold you back because of their own insecurities and you may find your new life will need to extend to marriage to. It does happen. But bettering yourself should not be thrown away because someone else is insecure. Not loving ourselves is part of how we got here, learning to is how we find our way out good luck hun. -
104Lbs? You Should Be Losing That In Like 4 Months.
lapbandkeira commented on RahRahRah's blog entry in Hurry Up and Wait
It's that kind of attitude that makes women leave men when they loose weight. The whole thinking back over your journey after you loose weight and realizing how unsupportive your partner is can really change how you feel about yourself and your relationship. Men will be men they mostly like us barefoot and cooking for them in the kitchen. Unfortunately not even the ones closest to us have to be in our support team. I choose to kind of keep my other half out of it because I want to do this for me and not him (even though he'll eventually benifit from it I'm sure). Just tell him that you hope by the time you loose your weight you hope he won't have E.D. hehehe...seriously though take what you need from him to heart and let everything else come with a grain of salt. He'll either come around or he won't but you may feel more empowered at the end of the day knowing you didn't need his support to be healthy. -
104Lbs? You Should Be Losing That In Like 4 Months.
Jim1967 commented on RahRahRah's blog entry in Hurry Up and Wait
Wow, sorry to be harsh but your husband sucks and not only is he an unsupported d**k he sounds like a bully. He is obviously uneducated on what the band does and how it works. Good luck to you. You have a long journey ahead of you with that kind of support system. -
If I didn't have problems with my PCP, It would have only took about 2 months. I believe I was approved in June. My surgery is August 6th. But, it really does depend on your insurance. If you have an unsupportive PCP, it can take longer.
