Search the Community

I agree 100% w CBT. I didn't show the weight in my face. And that IS where people look. For the most part people want to be nice. You'll have the nasty people and unsupportive family members, but the general population would be happy to acknowledge your weight loss. But it is SUCH a TOUCHY subject. Like complimenting an overweight woman on being pregnant. I've been told that I look good, healthy, happy...not one person has complimented me on my weight loss. And that's ok. I'd rather look happy & healthier to people than suddenly thin. :-)

Connie, you need to do what is best for you! My husband was soooo unsupportative, he did not even visit me in hospital, not even a damn phone call, im still pissed about it..... My surgery was 10/3/12.... Anyway, wishing you all the best!!!

My mother had RNY a very long time ago. My dad was SCARED. TO. DEATH for her... so he was mean about the surgery and kind of unsupportive. So my mom had her friend go with her and wouldn't allow him to even come and see her at the hospital. Once she came out and everything was fine, he loosened up. He sounds afraid, so does your mother.. it's major surgery and although they are rare, there can be complications. The thing is that yeah... you are doing this for you. They don't have a choice but to be there for you because they love you. If you have to, take a cab to the hospital but have someone there who won't be yelling at you before and after surgery. You need a kind, smiling face to wake up to. If you could really do it on your own, you would have. If anyone thinks going through this process, the surgery, the post op routine, the months of WORK that is involved in being a WLS patient, is easy, they are welcome to it. If it was the easy way, it would be a heckuva lot easier to get approved, wouldn't it?

I was sleeved on Tuesday 11/13! Came home from the hospital yesterday, still felt pretty shitty, but today I started feeling more like me, like a tired, sore version of me, but, still. I keep feeling the urge to burp, but they're not really coming out. I'm excited to be starting my journey. I bought some powders?utm_source=BariatricPal&utm_medium=Affiliate&utm_campaign=CommentLink" target="_ad" data-id="1" >unjury unflavored Protein powder - hubby has been adding that to everything for me. I still haven't felt the "full" feeling, but I get scared and stop eating after a little bit. I had a half a small mug of chicken broth for bfast. half small mug homemade potato garlic Soup for lunch, same thing for dinner. Small cup of sugar free caramel pudding. And then Crystal Lite. All with Protein Powder added into it to reach about 35-40 grams of protein for the day. He said get to 60, I just don't feel the urge, but I may try for another 5-10 in a little bit. Does this sound about right? My doc, I gotta say, I'm a huge fan of what he did for me, but his personality and everything else = toilet. Not big on the small talk/bedside manner at all. After surgery I didn't see him at all, the next day I breifly saw another doc from his practice that I'd never met before, and then on checkout day he came in, pulled out my drain, told me to make an appointment for 2 weeks, told me I was going home, and left, total of about 2 minutes facetime, 5 if you include pre-op! But, it seems he did a good job, so, I can't complain. I just feel a little bit unsupported by the doc in all this. He didn't tell me what to do, as far as the gauze/bandages on my wounds, if/when I should replace them. He said to eat full liquids until I see him in 2 weeks and follow the paperwork I got on my first visit (back in August) but only because I thought to ask as he was walking out the door. The nurses in the hospital were well informed thankfully, and they said he's like that with everyone. Always seems to be in a rush! Ah well. I'm sleeved, and I didn't want a real clingy doc that wanted to see me all the time anyway! Thank goodness for my online research because I'd be totally lost!!

I know what you mean about the unsupportive friends, although I only told one and decided not to tell any more until after the surgery because my best friend's reaction was so bad. Have you considered that they are maybe jealous?

I am self-pay also, but I am in grad school, so I have to work around my school schedule. I'm getting it done in March, during Spring Break. I wish I didn't have to wait, but it also gives me plenty of time to research and read about everyone's experiences--good, bad, and in-between. You should definitely make up your own mind about when is the right time for you and not worry about what others think (even your mom, as hard as that is) because you are the one living in your skin and you know your struggles in a way that no one else possibly can. I also think TheGamer's suggestion about changing the subject with your mom (or anyone unsupportive) is a good one.

This is precisely why I'm not telling my mom until afterwards--she's a worrier and she'll stress me out. I'm 37, but I'm still her child. I wish I had some good advice for you. I do have an unsupportive best friend and it's not nearly the same as a disapproving parent, but I am seriously concerned that my decision and her reaction/attitude might end our friendship.

Have you tried looking through the Self-Pay & Mexico Vertical Sleeve Surgery forum? Many of us are or have struggled with the same sort of decision and you can read about that and also reviews of Dr. Aceves there. There are lots of threads in many forums about unsupportive friends/family members. My bf wants me to stay in the States, but I can't afford it financially and I honestly don't feel like I can afford to wait any longer Healthwise, so I'm going to Mexico in March. Good luck on your decision!

So agree with this. I've told my closest friend who had RnY and I plan to tell the others in our close group at our next get together. I've told my husband (of course), Mom, and sisters, my Dad will worry so he will find out closer to the date. Also, as far as extended family, I doubt they'd care one way or another as long as I am healthy. Extended friends, if they ask I'll proudly tell but I tend not to broadcast everything to everyone about most anything in my life. I know some of my close friends will worry but that is for them to get past. I can't think of anyone who would down my decision although I know that is a strong possibility. I've come to realize that some people who may seem like they are unsupportive may be masking concern/fear for you. While others will be unsupportive due to their own self-acceptance issues.

My hubby was incredibly supportive when I was banded back in 2001. Heck, he even pureed food for me to eat...lol. He went with me to my appointments, really, everything you could ask. I distinctly remember how concerned he was over everything but then also celebrated in successes and complimented me on my looks. Well, after a couple of years I had regained everything lost plus some and had lots of problems etc etc. He never said a negative word. Fast forward nearly a decade and after trying everything AGAIN and i still weighed 300# I decide to revise - originally thinking of the RNY but wound up with the sleeve. He told me basically that he wouldn't oppose it but he was not thrilled. He wouldn't talk about it. He never went to a single doctors appointment except for the actual surgery since he had to drive me. Well, also the band removal surgery - so twice. He and my son came and visited me (I stayed one night) and they did make sure I wasn't left alone during the first 24 hours home (doctors orders). So, fast forward to almost 11 months later and nearly 120# lost - he has still not gone to a single doctors appointment. He has never complimented me on how I look, how hard I have worked, how much I have lost etc. He never asks anything about my progress and is indifferent to what or how I eat. He often brings junky food in the house and it is my problem to deal with. I finally said to to him the other day that he has never complimented me and that I don't feel very attractive to him. His answer "I have always found you attractive". End of conversation. So, here is my perspective on this whole deal. I WISH he was showering me in compliments and joy but the truth of the matter is this is my journey, not his. The band promised all this great success too and all it really brought me was hell. I am thinking he is thinking that the jury is still out on this sleeve thing. It does kind of hurt me that he doesn't tell me I look great, but in the big picture I need to find the motivation from within. The junk food in the house is an issue so I have him put it in a cabinet that I just don't open on a routine basis. That helps. I would caution anyone, especially with small children to NOT make any big decisions about your relationship during this time. The surgery and losing weight can cause alot of turmoil, emotional ups and downs etc. In the end, it might be that the spouse has his own reasons for why he is being "Unsupportive" and at least for me, it is not a reason to end a relationship. I know he wants me to be successful and happy, I think he is just afraid to get invested in it as of course I have failed over and over again. I want him to believe along with me that I can keep this weight off, but I can hardly blame him for being a skeptic. For some spouses, it could be insecurity, but put yourself in his shoes and I guess you can understand where some of that might come from. Give it time and do remember that this is your journey and in the end you make it what it is; our spouses are pretty much just along for the ride anyway.

Yup that other site if its the one i am thinking of( cause i only know 2 this one and the other one) are unsupportive and down right mean! Wendy

Another way to address this situation, and probably what I would do is write an email seating what you are doing & why. Be specific. Tell about the problems you have experienced and what you expect from the surgery and what you are expecting to have to overcome. Say that you know you work with a great supportive team, and thank them in advance for all the support that you know they will give you. Once you've got that written out on your last day at work before surgery send it to everybody. When everybody knows what's up it doesn't leave much room for speculation and gossip. You've also set an expectation of support which will make anybody that is unsupportive look like an ass. And all this is accomplished keeping you in a positive light.

I really hope they are supportive of you too! Just remember, if by chance they are unsupportive at first, you have us! This support group has been a HUGE help for me and so many others. You will always have a place to come and express your concerns, ask questions and celebrate your success. You can do this!! Keep us updated on how things go for you

I've researched the sleeve over 2 years and finally decided to go for it. I've got total support from friends at work but my 17 year old daughter is totally against it. Any advice from anyone with a similar situation?

Why do you even let him in the house with that crap! What an unsupportive husband. It is almost like he is taunting you. My question is why is he eating all that garbage food anyway, cook him a lovely healthy dinner, yum.

Thank you,I am having a tough time I am 1.5 months post op and have not lost. There is differnt messages comming form all directions and I have no idea who to listen too. The nurses at the place i had it done I just asked if it was normal not to lose until you are in the green zone. And they said I should be losing and maybe that is true but it is hard when it feel like nothing is different. I am really hoping the band ends up being majic like it was for you and i don't regret doing this especially since I and a self pay and unsupported by my family.

That sounds like the smart thing to do. It is unfortunate we all have friends and family who are unsupportive. I try to remember that they are the way they are because of them....not because of anything I did. We cannot pick our relatives but we can control the way they interact in our lives. You mother is insecure, jealous or resentful of you for some reason. That would motivate me more actually... But in the meantime I would politely say... Mom... I got this. I think its best if we do not discuss my journey. You will just have to see the results. Good Luck

My husband was unsupportive before surgery to the point that he told me to eat less and exercise more. Now that I've lost over 120 pounds, he's the first person to sing the praises of WLS. He's still a huge jerk and will soon be my EX, but he did come around on that issue. Don't let your hubby keep you from doing this for you!

I am a strong independent female, my husband was very unsupportive, my mother along with a nanny helped me. you have no idea how absolutely necessary it is to have someone the days following surgery, let me tell you i have high tolerance or pain but this pain was the worst i have ever experienced in my life. Good luck.

my husband was against the surgery... period. He said that if I wanted to change, change - but he loved me the way I was okay, that sounds sweet - but I found it rude and unsupportive. I had tried EVERYTHING. I had so many things starting to go wrong that my body was fighting against itself. My doctor said that she did not think it was possible for me to do it alone... now I am 8 weeks out, 30 pounds down... I am walking and jogging 3-5 miles every day. I am LOVING life.. he is somewhat complimentary... but you know what? Who gives a damn. I feel great... I am looking better... and as a mother of three, I finally did something ONLY FOR MYSELF. there will be people who do not understand what you are doing or why, that is why you have this board... it is important that you are healthy... and it will benefit everyone around you. ignore those who have opinions... stand up, do it for YOURSELF

Oh no Mizzlaw! First of all, BREATH! Let me start by saying unsupportive husband = asshole!! Sorry but that's the truth. So now that we know your own you own, let's take a step back and reassess. I had my surgery whilst going through a divorce, thankfully my soon to be x husband is still my BFF!! As of right now, how are you? How is your pain level? Did you get some gas-x or gas relief at all?? Please feel free to PM me for a private conversation. You will get through this....just go slow and take one baby step at a time. Please message me and I'll help on any way I can. Ok. It's ok, you can do this, there is nothing wrong with reaching out to others, this was a new experience for every one of us. It's totally ok to feel out of sorts.

First of all, I love my wife. She does not yet know that i have decided to have the lapband procedure. I have brought the subject up but she quickly dismisses it. She doesn't understand (she has never had a problem with her weight) and she is not interested in listening to me. Part of this is my fault because of all the diets i have been on and failed. When i talk about the lapband she says stuff like "just excersize more and eat less." While that is something i need to do, it is not that simple. My wife also can' t keep a secret. I can't tell her anything i would like kept confidential because she tells her aunt, mother and sister everything. They are not people i want to know about what i am doing. They are not always positive influences. I am moving forward without my wife's support. I feel bad that i have to do this alone but i know i can do it and when the time is right, i will tell her, i just need to be prepared to deal with all the side show crap that will come from her side of our family. Thanks for listening. Any help is appreciated!

As many of you already know I have a best friend that is completely unsupportive of lap band surgeries. I had been researching the surgery for several years before I finally started the process about a year ago. I told her that I was contemplating having the surgery and her response was that "I was being IRRESPONSIBLE and I needed to be thinking of my family!' I was furious with her response not only because my main purpose in having the surgery was for my family but because she knew how much i had struggled with loosing weight. I have had several back surgeries so exercising, except aquatic therapy, is almost impossible. We worked together for several years and so she knows my eating habits and in fact she usually ate more than me, never worked out but she can maintain a healthy weight. I actually think though that it has to do with her own insecurities, We went to high school together and I was much thinner, but actually the same size as her, but I was the one who usually received the most male attention. Since gaining weight she has had all the male attention. We are both happily married, but I do believe she likes the attention. I had not talked to her since January, when this conversation took place, my reasoning because I thought she needed to apologize. She has been mad at me for contemplating having lap band. Anyhow, she messaged me last Thursday, the day after surgery, because she found out about my daughter being in the hospital with a concussion. I told her I just had surgery, but I told her it was to have a hernia fixed. Since then we have been messaging back and forth and everything was going okay, kind of back to normal, until she askes if "I am still thinking about having that ridiculous surgery?" I didn't answer her and she says "Are you sure that isn't why you had surgery" Again, I didn't respond to her question. So then she says, "we need to get together sometime and go out to eat, and then we will find out the truth!" I honestly don't know how to deal with her anymore. Do I tell her the truth and listen to the backlash or just leave her alone and go on with my life? I'm not sure if a true friend would treat me this way!

Not to be a big downer, but I have to add this. When I told my bro in law (a doctor) that I was having wls he was very unsupportive. He really pressed me on the complications. About a month after my surgery he told me why. He knew 2 nurses who had the surgery that died. One from infection a week post surgery, and the other died on the table. I tell you this only to reenforce that it is still abdominal surgery, with all the risks that go with it. Would it have changed my mind had I known that, probably not- I did it because I had 100 lbs to lose, and my body did not like my weight (hbp, cholesterol). If I had 50 to lose I might have looked a little more carefully about other solutions. I say this not to discourage you, but so you are informed. Good luck in whatever you decide to do!

I was really unsupportive of moms RNY surgery 2 years ago. I told her she was taking the easy way out... Fast forward to present time I have repeatedly apologized for not being there 110% for her, this is by no way the easy way out. I was uneducated and jealous. People don't understand.... Its the hardest and best decision of my life. Surgery 7/25/12