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I'd be interested to know how my fellow sleevers deal with this. Since I've had my sleeve I have one particular friend who has not once, not a single time, mentioned my weight loss, asked me about it or anything - I thought she was a close friend too. Are my expectations too high? I'm not falling apart about it or anything but really intrigued/hurt by the indifference. She knows how much I've struggled with my weight....ok I'll be quiet now. Let me know what you think. Have you experienced this?

There are always people that are going to be antagonistic. You have to listen to your self. I have friends that were unsupportive and it hurts. I had people tell me to just walk a few times a week. Like it's that easy. I didn't want to want to eat anymore. So, I'm 2 weeks out and feel great. Do your research and decide what's best for you.

I had not planned on telling my classmates, but the cats outta the bag. I am a junior in a very small program at my college. There are 22 juniors in the program, we are all in the same classes, they were gonna notice. I had told 2 people in my class, my closest friend, and the girl who was sleeved last year and has been helping me with the process. Well first day of class she asked (as I was walking in the door) how my surgery went and how much I had lost. Everyone heard it and I was mortified. Then they all began asking questions, saying how good I looked, and all sorts of supportive stuff, well except for one girl, she made a catty remark but poo on her :-). Im glad that everyone knows now. With that being said, the only person in my family that knows is my father. Everyone else would be completely unsupportive and just talk sh@t, which I do not need. I have however told ALL of my hubby's family, they are awesome.

You asked for it.... Do you know making your stomach churn to digest that food can make the stitches tear? You tear your stitches and the band can slip out of place. Your Dr gave you a diet to follow for a reason, not to punish you. No, you probably don't have any restriction. Right now it is just another diet. I'm 3mths out and do not have restriction either, so I do know what its like. But I want health right now, more than food. I work through being hungry by keeping myself occupied with other things. Today I put up a glass tile back splash in my bathroom, didn't get hungry. Most likely you haven't hurt anything yet, but to succeed, you have to follow the rules. Everyone remember, she asked for it. Not being rude or unsupportive, just telling it like it is.

It's kind of amazing that despite the overwhelming failure of dieting for America at large, how everyone from people on the street to doctors to celebrities can just act like it's the only answer to obesity. First and foremost, if dieting were as simple as willpower and a 1,200 calorie diet we'd see a lot more success with Weight Watchers. I had willpower like a madwoman...in four month stints. But after four months of restricting myself, not losing weight and not seeing results it's awfully hard to keep going. Beyond that, I'm sure you've dieted before. All of us have. We don't get up one morning twenty pounds overweight and opt for the sleeve as our first way to lose weight! We're all here as obese and morbidly obese adults that have spent a good portion of our lives dieting. I know more about eating a healthy diet than any of my friends that have never had a weight problem, for sure! This is about you, your body and living your life the way you want to live it. Make this choice for yourself, not for anyone else. That said, the pre op diet will be hard, but I encourage you to give it your best. Because pre op, your diet stumbles will only make you feel guilty. Post op, they can cause complications. Knowing that you can stick to a restricted diet simply because your doctor ordered it is important. I think that the pre op diet and your ability to stick to it can really show how mentally ready you are for the post op phase. Because yes, your stomach will be smaller and you're not likely to have any real hunger after surgery. But the mental game you'll play is the same one you'd play on the pre op diet. You'll want food, even if you aren't hungry. At some point, you'll be tired of tiny sips of shakes and warm drinks and you'll wish you could chew. And you won't be able to. And you'll be risking your health if you break the doctor's ordered diet. So try to think of this as an extra tool to have under your belt before the surgery. You'll know you can hack the post op diet if you can make it through the pre op one. Good luck to you. We all have naysayers or unsupportive people somewhere in our lives. They'll come around once they see your success in most cases. But otherwise, try to ignore it. This isn't about anyone but you. ~Cheri

I've told my dad and my husband. The closest friend I told, we we are no longer friends. :•\ I'm not telling anyone else until this summer and after some weight has come off and I've gotten into a good routine with working out. I want only positive stuff, not the crazy unsupported stuff, I know I will deal better later with it after I've gotten into my new long term lifestyle!

My rant, my opinion, right? Before you get started on how unsupportive and not nice I am, and how I should just dodge the posts I don't want to read, I'll kindly tell you to educate yourself on how I typically post and on my contributions to VST. (That's my nice way of saying I don't care what you think and that you shouldn't waste my time or yours telling me how mean I am.) Because I cannot possibly be the only person so incredibly sick of these posts! Anyone else tired of the whining? I don't mind an occasional vent, but the outright whiny, childish and incredibly annoying posts just make me thankful I'm on VST (and on the other side of the computer) and not in an in-person support group. Because, really, people, this is getting stupid. I am not talking about actual complications or asking a valid question, either. I'm talking about the same cycle of wah-wah-wah about simple things that should have come up with only a few attempts at research. Let's address a few of these annoyances that keep cropping up: 1) Oh my gosh, it's a travesty but guess what? You are NOT going to lose the weight faster than you put it on. I know - it's heartbreaking. I mean, surgery is supposed to be magical, isn't it? I, for one, got a free unicorn AND a leprechaun with my surgery. I get that you don't want to work at this. Really, I mean, taking advantage of a fraction of the stomach capacity and learning how to eat wisely so you can develop a healthy relationship with food and gosh, to live the rest of your ENTIRE LIFE not obese, not overeating and to have a chance to ditch the bad habits and emotional baggage...that's just way too much to wait for. You should probably just be angry at the world and vent on a public forum about how the surgery has ruined your life because you've only lost 20 pounds in three weeks. I mean, really! Those are some completely shoddy results, if you ask me. Because really, who thinks that a one to two year period of focusing on weight loss to lose the weight for good (especially after fifteen years or more of trying to lose the weight on various failed diets) is worth the time or effort? 2) Surgery hurts. I know, I know. You probably didn't realize that having anesthesia and being flopped around, pumped full of gas, sliced open, having an organ removed, having staples and stitches put in and having drains in your body would actually hurt. But it does, imagine that! I know, in most cases it lasts five to ten days before you're feeling better, but surely your world is ending, your pain is the worst ever and you definitely need to post about it here so we can all give you pats on the head and you can scare the people researching the sleeve away. Be thankful you're not one of the people with a REAL complication causing ACTUAL serious pain. Or maybe you are. We can't tell or guide people to their doctors because there are just so many suffering people posting that it's a challenge to weed out the ones with real issues and the ones who forgot to take their pain pills. I know, we all handle pain differently. But really, a teeny bit of research would help with expectations, wouldn't it? And let's not forget how tired you are post op. Who knew that eating less than 300 calories a day after major surgery and having to really work at staying hydrated would wear you out and make you tired? Ugh, it's completely unreasonable! 3) It's hard to eat when you only have 15% of your stomach. Who knew? I mean, sure, that's why we had surgery, but I know you figured you'd just have a smaller stomach made of cast Iron that could easily tolerate at least half a bacon cheeseburger within a week of your operation. All that sipping (of warm or room temp liquids!), all of that discomfort when you try to shovel in a cup of oatmeal in week three, the challenge of finding Protein you can eat easily, the challenge of finding a shake you actually like - I mean, who knew that was going to be part of the game? Oh wait, what do you mean everyone that actually researched their surgery knew about this stuff? Well, never mind that. Post about it so we can all hear how different and more difficult it is for you, because I'm sure it was a walk in the park for everyone else. 4) I'm sure your heartburn and acid reflux are terribly uncomfortable. It is for all of us. I'm sure the gurgling and healing stomach sounds are annoying and hard to get used to. They were for the rest of us, too. Which is why you should be on a PPI. If you did even a cursory bit of research on the sleeve, I am certain the fact that acid is an issue post op for almost everyone came up. So if you aren't on a PPI (think Prilosec or Nexium - Tums and Pepcid aren't PPIs) you should probably be on one. Even if your surgeon didn't suggest one. And if he/she didn't prescribe one or suggest one, I'd question that surgeon, because this is a known issue post op for nearly every patient. But it's your body and your suffering, so hey, why not be a tiny bit proactive and ASK FOR ONE if one isn't offered? While we're here, you should have done enough research to realize you'd need sublingual B-12, an iron supplement and Calcium citrate as well as a multi until your doctor does bloodwork and tells you your levels are fine without supplements. I know, it's HARD to take all those pills...it's so annoying, too. But if you don't take them you'll be tired and sluggish and forgetful and won't feel up to par. But you knew that from all your research, I'm sure. 5) I doubt you're starving. Very, very few people do not lose the hunger post op. I have seen a few that struggled with this but they are few and far between. I know, you probably didn't do enough research to realize that you still have ghrelin in your system for a few days post op, or to find that acid gurgling in your belly feels exactly the same way as a rumbling tummy. You probably thought you'd be immune to head hunger, because you thought obesity was only caused by eating too much, not by any type of emotional attachment to food. You probably didn't realize that two or three (or more) weeks on a liquid diet would be challenging, mentally, even if you don't really want food. I know, I know, we already covered that surgery is supposed to be magical and you wanted it to control your feelings about food and your desire to eat for the rest of your life. 6) Diets don't work. Isn't that why you finally opted for surgery? Then why do you insist on treating the way you eat post op like a diet? Why do you insist on carb counting yourself into misery and allowing yourself only enough calories to sustain a ten pound cat instead of an adult human? Why are you surprised, after years of failed dieting, that the desire to binge and graze and eat emotionally show up when you restrict yourself the way you've always done on past diets? Why do you insist on eliminating entire food groups for fear of gaining weight, only to post at one or two years post op that you can't understand why maintenance is so hard and you can't stop eating junk? Oh, that's right, you thought the sleeve was part B of your diet and treated it that way...and got the same success you got from all those diets you did prior to surgery as a result. 7) It's hard to break bad habits and be healthy. We've covered this! Surgery is supposed to be magical - and therefore any emotional eating problems, baggage from your childhood, poor eating habits you're reinforced for years, etc. should just be magically erased when the surgeon slices out 85% of your stomach. I know, you don't understand why this is so hard! I know, you're so frustrated and you regret your surgery because you want to eat and you can't. Why won't your sleeve stop you from eating those Cookies or that big bowl of ice cream? This is completely unfair. I suggest you post about how the surgery is a waste of time and/or money because it didn't do the head work for you, cause this isn't supposed to be hard. It's magic. 8) Some people lose hair and get loose skin? AH, say it isn't so! If losing the weight and being healthy isn't worth a temporary trade off, surgery isn't for you. I know you already have diabetes, high blood pressure and are slowly killing yourself with your obesity, but you have an irrational fear of loose skin and thinning hair and aren't sure if this surgery is for you. I get that. After all, I'd rather die slowly with beautiful hair than compromise my vanity for a few months and extend my life in the process. I mean, really, we have to have our priorities! So please, as soon as you notice some hair falling out, please panic and post about it and ask if anyone else has experienced it. I'm sure you're the very first person it's ever happened to before and you should frantically warn everyone and work yourself into a frenzy envisioning your bald dome if it continues. 9) If you post stupid, tiresome, uneducated or ridiculous things to strangers on the internet, sometimes you get snarky, short or even blunt and (borderline) rude answers. I know, I know. You live in a world where everyone sings kumbaya together with genuine feeling before they start their day on the communal farm. Well, lots of us don't live there or have an infinite amount of patience and tolerance for those that think we should all be the same. I might answer one way and many other someones will answer another way and between all of us, hopefully there will be enough of an answer that anyone with the same question (but who doesn't necessarily have the same expectation on how it will be answered) can put together a solution. And then, in a perfect world, they wouldn't post the same question two threads down less than 24 hours later. I love VST. I love that I found this site and researched my surgery for ONE WHOLE YEAR before opting to slice out my stomach. I love that it is full of resources, full of true experiences, full of warnings, full of advice for those that bother to search it out. Even four year old threads can still be relevant today! I love being able to come back here and "give back" in a way, by helping people with genuine questions and genuine concerns. I want to cheer other people on their journey and I want to help people approach this surgery in a sane way that will help them not just lose the weight but keep it off forever. But for goodness' sake I simply have to acknowledge that I am only human and only have a limited amount of GAF when it comes to some of these posts and lately, some of these members. It shouldn't be exhausting and aggravating to be here! I've been around the military too long, I think - I'm about a step away from yelling at some of these jokers like they need, instead of being diplomatic and polite. My vent, my opinion, remember? Remember: you can always just skip over my post and not respond if it really bothers you! ~Cheri

Wait! There's a surgery for that! It's called DS (duodenal switch) and if you're willing to live with a lifetime of supplements and malabsoprtion, you can eat those burgers and pat yourself on the back for it. It's mean and unsupportive to say, but I always considered the DS the absolute laziest way to do WLS ever...but that's probably an unfair assessment based mostly upon the fact that when I researched it most people were talking about eating bacon cheeseburgers sans bun and how great it was that they could eat whatever they wanted except bread. Ugh...getting excited about food and WLS ruins everyone's grammar, even mine! ~Cheri

My five pre-sleeve confessions: 1. I am really scared and excited at the same time about the surgery. What if it doesn't work for me? 2. I have been eating non stop lately. I guess n preparation for not eating. (Bad I know. I don't have a date yet!) 3. I want the process to hurry up. I think about jumping in a plane to Mexico every day instead of waiting and going through the steps here. 4. My DH makes fat jokes all the time and is very unsupportive of everything. I am not sure how I will manage "alone." 5. I am really looking forward to being healthy and sexy again.

i completely understand, my family completely trolls me :x lol but im used to it now..They always cook buttery oily food when im trying to eat healthy, they ask me if im hungry and i say no but they make me food anyway, and they always say i need to eat more -___- mind you i dont have the sleeve yet my portion sizes are prolly a bit too large. The thing about my family is they believe food is love, and for a long time so did I :/ but unfortunatly I don't have the metabolism of my half asian sister so I was the one who became obese -sigh- You may have to get away from certain people, try to keep a comfortable distance between yourself and unsupportive people, because at the end of the day you are in charge of who you let affect your life

I do not try to hide my surgery from anyone. But it is everyone's personal decision. I will say that since I work as a paramedic and the majority of my friends and acquaintances are in the medical field it is less likely for them to be unsupportive. For that matter so far no one I have talked to has said one negative thing about me having the surgery. and I have had several obese friends ask me lots of questions because they are considering the surgery, I try to answer there questions and be as supportive as possible because I know that is what I wanted when I was considering surgery. You should always remember if you tell a friend something personal and they give you a hard time they probably really aren't you friend.

I think fear makes those closest to us seem unsupportive. I encouraged my family to ask as many questions of me as they could until their mind was at ease. If you feel like it is interfering with your progress just distance yourself for a while. As far as your husband goes only you can reasure him as time goes on. That is just his own fear and insecurity talking.

I feel like I can somewhat relate. I'm not so sure my family is unsupportive, they just get quiet when I mention it. It bums me out because I'm really excited and i went them to be excited for me and they aren't. My husband is very supportive though so that helps. I know how much you want to have your family support you but they may not until after your surgery and they may not even then. But your verticalsleevetalk family will always support you! Message me if you just need to talk, vent, cry.. anything!!! )

Did he leave or is he being a jerk? I'm so sorry this is an emotional time just adjusting to your new diet requirements and healing. You have us here on VST and we will support you. Perhaps just give him time to work out his feelings, whatever has got him so unsupportive, maybe lay low and just come here for help. Maybe he is afraid you'll leave him? Is there anyway to rekindle something between you both perhaps just small acts of kindness could get him back on track. I'm so sorry this is happening but maybe it will pass? I am wishing you all the best!!!

I think men that are that unsupportive are just really insecure. They think you're going to get skinny and run off with someone else. Maybe if you try to reinforce that he's the one you want to be with whether you're skinny or fat,, maybe he'll feel more secure. But right now, this is about you and you getting healthy... if he can't understand that, well, maybe he's the one with the problem! Here's to your future good health!!!

My husband didnt even bother checking on me when i had surgery.... Talk about unsupportive!

My one daughter and her husband are very supportive, the rest of my immediate family is not supportive or unsupportive. I find my support in places like this, my bariatric team and at my Weight Watchers meeting. They all understand the journey of losing weight. The forums and the bariatric team have the added benefit of understanding my surgery, but I have taken time to also inform my Weight Watcher group to. I too only told those that needed to know. Letting too many people know before is hard because they do not understand and then they watch you with such a critical eye. When people notice and ask, I am always forward about it and provide them with good information. I do eat fruits and vegetables, but my diet is rich and Protein. I do eat some carbs, but they are harder for me to tolerate and overfill me very fast. I wish you luck and wonderful holiday season. Let me know if you have any other questoins.

I'll omit, deceive, and straight out lie or whatever you want to call it about this very personal, private health matter, especially if I think that people's reactions are going to be negative, unsupportive, cause me stress, or make people have a watchful eye on me. One million percent. Why don't people broadcast that they're doing IVF, or had plastic surgery, or are having a controversial, experimental treatment for cancer in Germany, or that their pelvic organs are falling out through their hoo hoo and they're having them removed or slinged back up? Because it's private and confidential. The very reasons that HIPAA laws were enacted. The very thing that bars you from calling up an insurance company or doctor and ask about your boss, your neighbor, your friend of a friend down the road. We live in a nation of people that broadcasts everything - to their friends, on Facebook, on reality shows, around the water cooler, etc. etc. I choose not to tell certain people and I stand behind that decision. Let them guess and talk all they want. Now that gives me a giggle.

I'm in the same situation. My mom is unsupportive and persuasive too. But my DH is supportive and that's means more to me than those who are unsupportive. So I told my mom that I was having a procedure , But I've since told 3 close friends who are all amazingly supportive. For me it my decision for my health. I'm standing up for my own life. Im going for it any way. For my family's future. Focus on you and your health. Go for it if you really want to.

So I've lost 46 lbs and able to wear 13 - 14 clothes. I'm still struggling as I know I am not getting my protein in everyday like I should and haven't been able to exercise the way I should due to obligations and an unsupportive spouse. I am starting to get depressed because I am unhappy in my life. Not just the weight but life. I had just lost my job after being there 10 years when I had my surgery and now I am a different person living a different life. Is it wrong that I've changed and am no longer happy in my old life? My husband and I had problems before but now days all I think about how my life would be without him as my husband. You all probably think I'm a horrible person but I have no friends to talk to about this and cannot hold it in anymore.... Sorry.

I have chosen Dr. Aceves as my surgeon and I am scheduled for January 5th. Deposit has gone through and flights are booked! Other than the normal anxiety and fear I am really struggling with family support. My father does not support this surgery and I was wondering how any of you dealt with a family member who was unsupportive? Are there any websites or aricles I could send him that would ease his mind? Keep in mind, I am young (24) and his youngest daughter...

Ive heard and read that sometimes after the sucessful weight loss marriages or relationships end...they blame the patient..maybe they should blame themselves for being unsupportive jacka**es......thankfully so far my hubby is supportive

I just turned 35 on December 7 I had my sleeve on December 5 my husband was really unsupportive but we have to do what we can to feel better about ourselves And become healthier people for our families. If your insurance is approving you and you can do it,do it if your husband Doesn't want to miss work he will find a ride. Sometimes we just have to do what we can and work with what we got. When you have lost all the weight you will not regret it.

I agree, find a new doctor! Don't let yourself be miserable just because your doctor was an unsupportive jerk. I drive almost 2 hours each way to see a good doctor and I can tell you, it makes all the difference in the world. A good doctor is concerned about his/her outcomes and wants to see the patients succeed and will work with you to help you through any issues you have. Good luck to you!

Wow what a dick. That made me so so so mad. No one can tell you you're eating the wrong thing except your surgeon, nut and yourself. Stuff him, the unsupportive git needs a good slapping. Angry on your behalf mommy