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I was fat before I became fat. Eventually my physical appearance matched how I felt on the inside. During high school I was always 140 but felt like I was obese. Hated my body. My rituals with eating began early.... Ohhhhh Snickers bars eating all around the outsides, then the nougat on the bottom. Then each bite after that I would let melt in my mouth. It was like making love to my food. Everything I loved to eat had some sort of ritualized eating pattern associated with it. I always had food battles with my parents. Now I realize it was all about control. I would have to sit at the kitchen table for hours because there were certain foods I refused to eat. I would get nauseous just thinking about them, then and now. Grits, eggs, black eyed peas just a few on a very long list. To this day I don't indulge in those foods, lol. My siblings, cousins and I would have food parties. My idea of course. We all would buy something from the store with our money we'd been saving. Then go on the back porch and divide the goods. We called it a picnic. As a teenager I would by a snack from the store and hide it under my mattress. Depending on how I felt I would finish it in a day or maybe 2, a whole box of Little Debbie Pies. When I moved out on my own at 18 I really settled into my food addiction. Until this point my binges hadn't resulted in weight gain. There was no turning back. I wasn't aware that what I was doing was blocking feelings of low self worth. Giving myself love the only way I knew how. I did not connect all the childhood abuse to my eating. I was just trying to survive. A young adult and teenage mom trying desperately to make ends meet. Too bad it's taken me many more abuses as an adult and reaching the age of 41 to began mending my mind. When you know better you do better. In therapy for a year doing the dance of one step forward two back. Thankful to have just taken a big leap forward.

Sometimes the stress can add to your weight gain. I was told I had to give up my lemonade and almost fell out of my chair. I haven't switched to the crystal light yet (it's been six months). Maybe you can try limiting to 1-2 a day for a while and slowly wean off of them? Believe me I know it's hard giving up some of the things you have become comfortable with (for years). Don't get discouraged, it will happen. Now when I look in the mirror I tell myself "I'm done looking like this". I made Cookies for us yesterday and I threw them away. YES, threw them away. I have NEVER done that. Mentally I am just DONE with being big. I was nowhere near this state month’s back. I was not motivated and I was discouraged. Just take it day by day and try to find something new that helps curb your hunger. Good luck to you!

So I'm in the Options program with Kaiser and I'm just over a month into the six months of classes that they require of you in San Diego. I thought that by the time I was starting the class that I would be super focused on weight loss and going strong towards the 10% weight loss that Kaiser requires before having surgery. I even bought a fitbit to track my calories, but I returned it because I was doing better tracking everything through the site I was using in the first place. I know that I still have tons of time to lose that, but I don't know why the classes are so discouraging. I thought I would be getting good info on how to prep for surgery and what to expect after (I'm sure they will get to some of that at some point) but over a month in and I don't feel like I'm getting anything from the classes, so I'm just not amped about weight loss. Some of the people are in fact driving me nuts!! How can you say that you have tried EVERYTHING to lose weight but you don't realize that you can't eat grits with butter and bacon every morning and still lose weight?!?! Really!! So I'm letting it effect me in a negative way. I've definitely got that "I need to eat this while i still can" mentality and I've actually gained weight. I guess Im kinda just venting and looking for advice. I know what I need to do, It just seems that I can't get it started and the weight gain I've had in the past weeks is making me feel worse. Thanks for any thoughts!!

Hey guys! Another lurker here! I've been reading all of your stories from day 1 and keep coming everyday to check the thread! I found pieces of my life in each and every story and at times it was hard to read some of them and not get chocked up. You guys made me think about my own life and my own issues , even though for the last 5 years I put them in a box in the back of my head and slowly I started to let them go and I'm happier since . Well, mainly because 5 years ago I left "home" (Romania) and moved far away, to the UK. I found that since that happened I'm loving my dad more and even can't wait to see him every 6 months when I go back to visit . This wouldn't have happened if I were still living there. I met my wonderful husband when I moved here and he changed me for the better! I'm so happy I let go of the anger I had, but that only happened about 3 years after I left home, it took some time. But In all honesty, my story is not a dark one, I can't be hypocritical and say otherwise, I had a fairly happy childhood and was blessed with good friends growing up for whom my weight was never a problem. I don't know why I overate all my life. My earliest memory of me overheating was when I was around 7-8 years old and mom made donuts. And I also had to do homework. I remember sitting on the sofa with a big bowl of donuts and eating ..and eating..and ..eating.. My parents told this story over the years, fondly remembering how I was stuffing myself just to get out of homework. Now, knowing myself.. I'm sure it was because ..I loved to eat and never knew when to stop, not because of homework. I've always been a tall muscular child and until 15-17 I wasn't actually fat but since I was very young I heard how I was "fatter than other kids". My dad always called me "fatty" but in romanian(sounds a tad better in romanian) and he kind of sounded sweet, for him it really was a term of endearment ..so for me..it was very normal to be the "fatty" around..looking back..I really wasn't..and probably that's how it started. Every time we would go visit relatives, my dad would embarrass me in front of the others, telling me to stop eating . I don't remember a time when we went places as a family where I didn't cry. All my life I heard how I was "too sensitive and cry always" .. But in their defence..I cried a lot, as a kid, as a teenager, as a young adult..all that changed when I left the country...hmmm..I wonder why? Well, because I'm finally surrounded my lovely people that won't put me down at every step. My mom is a wonderful person , always doing everything for everyone, dad is a good person as well and always told me how much he loves me and my brother, always hugging us, but at the same time...he was always angry, always telling us we're doing everything wrong, we're good for nothing, etc.. It was so confusing.. He would yell at us, and threaten us with some butt whooping and in 10 minutes he would come over ,hugged us and told us, we're just "too sensitive" and that he loved us. So that's why I have mixed feelings and can't say my childhood wasn't a good one. But it wasn't the greatest either. I remember sooooo many times around the dinner table when my dad would yell and I would keep my head down, tears were running down my face straight in to the food that I wouldn't touch. And then it started with secretly eating, hiding food, eating very very fast while they were away, etc. Also, my boyfriend of 4 years in Romania.. Would not hold my hand in public and wouldn't act like we were together even though..well,everyone knew about us, as we were in a big great group of friends. That, of course, wasn't great for my self esteem and of course, made me eat even more. Where I come from, people think its just ok to tell someone how fat they are and to make them feel like they're worthless. I was working in a school in Romania and when I gave my 2 weeks notice because I was moving to the Uk, the principal wished me all the best and she added : "now you'll fit better in the society, people are fatter in the UK" or something to that effect. But again, the way they're saying these things.. They don't mean to hurt you..they genuinely think its ok to say these thing..its a damn cultural thing, I don't know. I think there are so many issues that contributed to my weight gain over the years, but I also think greed was also a biiiiig factor. I've been sleeved 6 months ago and lost 80 pounds so far and in a month we're going to Romania to visit my parents, brother and friends..and it is for the first time when I don't secretly wish that something bad would happen that would cause us to postpone the trip, this time, I don't feel so ashamed..and for the first tine, my brother won't grab my tummy and say: come on, what's with all this fat?are you pregnant or something? Mmmmmmyeah, and that would be the very first second he would see me at the airport..wasn't very anxious to see my parents and hear similar things, how I get fatter and fatter every time I come home. I think my dad made amends with me in his own weird way and paid for my gastric sleeve surgery, as I didn't have any chances of paying for it myself . He did not pressure me into it, it was my idea but when I first told him I want to have the surgery.. His face lit up, its like I could read on his face the joy and the anticipation that he'll finally have a normal looking daughter. Oh well, so so many things to say..and I really wrote way too much. I'm so sorry for the long post, I just don't know where to start..where to end..but I wanted to write a post too, as I felt bad lurking around and reading all your stories.. Anyhow, sending you all happy thoughts and you're all so brave and I respect you so much, after reading everything..all I can say is ..you are a bunch of tough cookies !

That first drop is so exciting but there is the leveling off and even sometimes a gain prior to getting fill right and adopting to new lifestyle. I lost 10 pre-op, 10 immediately post-op, then another 4-5 which I then regained. Just got that off again following my first fill. I recognize there will be ups and downs, water weight gain and loss, etc., but I know I'm on my way to good health no matter what. You are, too!

Do you sometimes suffer from head hunger? Do you sometimes find your self munching on something and ask your self why? Do you feel remorse and quilt after you eat sometimes and don't understand why you ate that? Well you are not alone, many of us, me included still suffer from these very triggers that cause head hunger even after WLS. Our surgery did not fix our brains or stop us from putting unhealthy food in out bodies. It takes months and years and constant reminding to undo unhealthy behaviors. The one thing that can really sabotage a WLS patient is themselves. Once we start down a self destructive path we can easily justify why we are doing what we are doing. How many of you have lied to your self about taking just one bite, when you really ate the who thing? Grazers sometimes have more difficulty with WLS than binge eaters. It is much easier to graze then it is to binge after WLS that is why it is so important to learn what your eating triggers are and to learn how to deal with head hunger early in your journey. I often surf the internet looking for ideas that may help me to stay true to my healthy self and like to share with others in thoughts that it may help someone else. Everyone has to individulize their journey and has to learn how they can best cope with this change in life style. Some of the tips for dealing with head hunger suggests things that if you are a WLS person like myself, you cannot do. We cannot bulk up on low calorie foods or eat big salads, we cannot drink soup before our protein meals to fill us up and we cannot drink large volumes of water at one time when we are eating. If these things worked for us we would not have had WLS. As a bariatric patient we must learn to deal with our triggers and behaviors that sabatoge us. I found what I consider a good article this morning that I would like to share with all of you. The article is from the Obesity Help web site. http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/mental-health/Head-Hunger-Coping-with-Your-Triggers-for-Overeating.html Head Hunger - Coping with Your Triggers for Overeating by Michelle May, MD Do you sometimes confuse “head hunger” with “body hunger”? If you’re sensitive to food cues, weight management becomes much easier when you’re able to recognize the triggers in your environment and break the associations that lead you to overeat simply out of habit. Let’s take a look at just a few of the common triggers for overeating and strategies for coping more effectively. By the Clock: Society programs us to follow a schedule, so like Pavlov’s dog, we’ve learned to salivate when the bell rings. The reality is that it’s more convenient to eat at certain times than others, so it takes effort to listen to your hunger cues. Strategy: Though it’s challenging to change this routine, you can adapt it to fit your own needs. Learn to pace yourself by observing your natural hunger rhythms. You’ll probably notice that you get hungry every three to six hours, depending on what and how much you ate at your last meal and how active you’ve been. Keep a healthy snack handy to satisfy hunger that doesn’t conform to mealtimes. If you’re consistently tempted to snack right before a meal, consider moving the mealtime up or adding more protein to your previous snack. High-Risk Times: Many people have times of the day that are high-risk for overeating. For example, you may experience a late-afternoon energy slump or a tendency to munch when you come home from work to transition into your evening. Strategy: Know when you’re most at risk and develop an alternate strategy. For example, create a Recharge Ritual or Transition Time that helps you relax or unwind. Save a favorite magazine or book to read, call a friend or walk your dog instead. Create a list of things to do instead of eating. Keep the list (and any necessary supplies) handy and make a commitment to try one of these activities before eating simply out of habit. ‘Tis the Season: Be aware of your seasonal and weather-related cues for eating. Holidays can be especially difficult because of all of the social ties to certain foods and even certain people. Many of the foods you eat during this time may seem “special,” and therefore, harder to eat in sensible quantities. Strategy: These occasions repeat themselves, so you can anticipate what typically occurs and create a plan for dealing with your triggers. Make it a point to really listen to your body instead of the external cues when making your food choices. Also, keep in mind that special foods will be even more special when you eat them mindfully when you’re hungry, focusing on the appearance and flavors of the food, the ambiance, the other people and the reason you’re all together. Tempting Displays: Seeing displays of food like candy or nuts in dishes and tempting foods when you open your cabinet or refrigerator can trigger you to want those foods. Strategy: Out of sight, out of mind. Don’t use food as decorations or leave appetizing foods in plain view. Try putting tempting foods behind other foods in your cabinets and refrigerator. If a co-worker keeps food out, ask him or her to put it in a drawer instead. Media: Food is everywhere in television and magazines (ironically, often right next to the articles about the latest wonder diet!). Strategy: Get yourself a glass of water during commercials, avoid watching programs that focus on food and skip quickly over the food ads and recipes. Break the habit of eating while watching television—usually a mindless, high-calorie activity. Location, Location, Location: If you eat in front of the TV, in bed or standing in the kitchen, you may feel an urge to eat just from being in those places. Strategy: Try to eat only while sitting at a table. Make it a family rule to limit eating to one or two rooms in the house. This will decrease triggers like TV and reading and help you focus on enjoying your food without distractions. Biggie Size: Restaurants often serve overly large portions to make their customers feel that they are getting value. Strategy: Be prepared to have extra food wrapped up to go as soon as you feel satisfied, or estimate how much you think you’ll need and wrap up the rest even before you start eating. If you leave the food sitting in front of you, you’ll be more likely to keep nibbling. Remind yourself that you’ll get to enjoy that food again when you’re hungry. You can also share an entrée or order an appetizer-sized portion. Forbidden Food Syndrome: Although it’s a popular topic of conversation, the mere discussion of dieting can trigger feelings of deprivation and cravings. Just thinking about restrictive dieting has been shown to increase food intake. Strategy: Decrease the amount of time you spend talking about food, weight and dieting. Depend on your physical hunger cues to let you know when it’s time to eat. By learning to recognize and cope more effectively with your head hunger, you’ll begin to break free from old, problematic habits. You’ll find yourself eating less, feeling more satisfied and meeting your needs more appropriately. To get a one-page handout called “101 Things to Do Instead of Eating When You’re NOT Hungry,” visit http://amihungry.com/enews.shtml. Food and Feelings Emotions are common triggers for eating. People sometimes eat to cope with stress, distract themselves from difficult emotions or stuff down feelings they don’t know how to express in a healthier manner. However, boredom, anger, anxiety, loneliness, stress and other feelings are a natural part of our lives, and eating won’t make them go away. In fact, eating in response to these feelings disconnects you from important information about what you need. For example, “I want brownies” might really mean “I want comfort,” “I need a reward,” “I wish I had a friend to talk to” or “I wish I could tell you how I really feel.” The food you eat to deal with feelings comes with strings attached—weight gain and regret. But more importantly, it denies you the opportunity to discover and satisfy your true needs. Since eating cannot meet your emotional needs, those unmet needs trigger overeating again and again. The way to break out of this pattern is to stop judging yourself when you overeat and instead try to figure out what you needed that drove you to eat when you weren’t physically hungry. Examining your current eating behavior can be a powerful source of information about your inner self and your true needs and wants. Once you have identified the emotions that triggered the urge to eat, seek ways to comfort, nurture, calm and distract yourself without turning to food. Michelle May, MD, a physician and recovered yo-yo dieter, is the author of Am I Hungry? What to Do When Diets Don’t Work, available at www.AmIHungry.com.

oh sweetheart...you've just started. first of all, ten pounds is amazing. second...you will have stalls, weight gains, plateaus, etc. just focus on following your doc's protocol, which it sounds like you are doing, and the weight will come off. Remember...you didn't gain it overnight, and you won't lose it that way either. I bet that three months from now, you'll have a nice weight loss and maybe even be in smaller sizes. WORD. While you are healing from surgery, your body is going to change and your weight is going to naturally fluctuate. I am sixteen days out and only stepped in a scale once because I needed to be seen by a primary care health care provider. Otherwise, I am avoiding scales except for when i am seen at my surgeon's office because I feel so strongly that right now is not the time to be worrying about weight loss, but to be concentrating on healing, recovering and setting myself up for a healthier future.

oh sweetheart...you've just started. first of all, ten pounds is amazing. second...you will have stalls, weight gains, plateaus, etc. just focus on following your doc's protocol, which it sounds like you are doing, and the weight will come off. Remember...you didn't gain it overnight, and you won't lose it that way either. I bet that three months from now, you'll have a nice weight loss and maybe even be in smaller sizes.

Please don't set yourself up for failure. There is no average weight loss and 13 days post op might find you with a weight gain due to swelling, fluids, etc. Just take this journey to wherever it leads you and know that as long as you follow your doctor's guidelines, you should do well. Good luck!

I am 65, I had my surgery at 61. I was 245, I lost 100 lbs, but over the last 2 years gained about 30 lbs. I am currently following my alorie count and excerise on myfitnesspal app on my phone. It really seems to be helping me be aware of my calorie intake. I was not very careful of slider foods and that will cause weight gain although you are not aware of eating muuch. My daughter, son, and I are our support group. By the way, my surgery was Oct 30, 2009, and I joined here in Nov 2009. You can send to me directly, if you wish. Exercise is important, too, get your daughter to join you, start with walks. that is about all I do, now. Best wishes. Karen

I suggested in a previous response that you may want to consider increasing daily caloric intake to create a good metabolic burn rate with respect to intense work outs like insanity. Try this. Your weight may increase slightly until your body adapts to the new homeostasis (give yourself at least 6 weeks to "fix" the metabolic burn rate). The temporary weight gain is just water under the bridge. No need to get angry about it. It just is. The weight will drop again. Eating far fewer calories then calorie requirements will unfortunately lead to low metabolic burn rates. Generally, sub 1200 daily calories are reserved for new post ops. Once you move into vet territory and are wishing to find a way of eating for life, most doctors / nuts would suggest eating closer to 2000 calories daily in a nutritionally balanced fashion combined with moderate exercise. That is just my opinion and I am only stating to help. I think others would agree. Good luck. You are going to find success.

Well Brown, you sound like Steven...ha. I actually think you hit alot on the head here. Basically he has a loving personality and he has this problem of women getting attached to him... and yet he is NOT boyfriend material (financially irresponsible, terrible time management, lives by crisis, impulsive and selfish in many ways. etc). He told me he has broken hearts and it breaks his heart when that happens. It scares him because it always ends that way. His last girlfriend "wasted" 5 years on him and he wants to be sure I don't do that. Of course there is a fundamental difference - I met him with the intention of not having a long term and we have talked alot about this. Last night we had a very long talk about things and he really appreciated that I shared details of feedback about himself. I told him about my complex emotions on it and he was very interested because i summed it up that "you make me feel good when I am with and I like feeling good so I want to keep seeing you". It was like a lightbulb went off - he said he does that to everyone (colleagues, customers, men, women whatever) and he often disappoints because he can't really be "that person" to everybody. He told me he loves me... like he loves his friends... a word I won't use because it means alot of different things, but I told him about my complex feelings - drawn to him and yet have no desire to have a LTR or get sucked into his chaos. So, what he wants me to do is start dating others (ie maintaining our exclusive agreement due to STD risk) and he said it will take me a long time to find the right person so he wants to keep seeing me. I think that will work for awhile, but i do need him to make some adjustments and we'll see if that happens. I warned him though, I am one of those people that think about stuff for a long time, patient, analytical - but then I just DO... in a blink of an eye... and often those decisions are justified by my analysis, but really are made emotionally. I don't mean to say that is a good thing about myself, but it is how I am. Bottom line though - my headspace on other men is that i am just not that interested. I went on a "meet for a drink" yesterday and the guy was really nice but I felt like I was having a drink with someone from work. No spark. Then I get in a position of having to politely tell perfectly nice men... eh, not interested. I don't like doing that. I need to get tougher. I think there is someone out there that will turn my head but I will need to meet about 100 to find him. BTW, feedback is... and it is like a shocked "Wow" response that I look much better in person than my crappy photos. I don't know why i can't get a decent photo of myself. I used a cropped version of my thanksgiving pic which I thought was cute. I met this guy after work, so by then my hair was frizzy and my makeup was less than fresh and he still thought i was way cuter in person... nice compliment but also feedback that if i want to improve my odds of attracting the personality I am looking for (he is the guy every woman wants I am sure) I need to seriously figure out my pictures. Maybe Steven will help me with photos...haha Globe - he is 16 years older, very interesting comparison to your situation (and another reason I don't want a LTR with him). We generally only see each other maybe 2-4 times a month and only talk a few times a week, so it isn't that bad, but it is very similar and it does feel sort of addictive... like I am seeking a physical endorphin rush. weird. There is a book called 5 Love Languages. I scored very high on needing verbal affirmations and physical contact and he provides both somehow in a way that just makes me feel good. From day one, it is like he does everything "right" in ways I didn't even know i was seeking. That is kinda similiar to receiving the physical care after surgery - I didn't realize how much I wanted to feel that comfort of the caring. It was really my counselor who pointed it out. It is a strange thing to realize about oneself, how much I want to feel that being cared for. It is also good self insight to keep from getting in a relationship with someone who a. doesnt provide that (that would be my history!) OR b. provides it and manipulates with it. On the Insanity thing, I am not sure it is a great idea for your overall health. Super intense workouts deplete your reserves so I would really wonder. However, the weight gain you should NOT worry about. Your muscles are simply holding more water, it is a normal response to that kind of workout. The pounds DO start melting eventually.

I've heard of not losing weight after 3 weeks, but gaining?! I'm up 2 pounds overnight! I haven't lost since before Thanksgiving. I am eating more than I was right after surgery, but the food I eat in a day now is a lot less than the food I ate in one meal pre-op. I'm not really exercising like I should, I admit, but I am taking steps to be more active, like parking further from the entrance to stores, taking the stairs (not hard, I'm scared of elevators haha), and I usually take a walk around campus between classes. I only go to school twice a week though. It's very depressing, really. I mean, I wake up everyday feeling like I'm going to pass out, I'm weak and get tired easily, and for what?! Weight gain?! UGHH I'm not losing inches either. I'm still in the same pants I wore 30 pounds ago.

39 lbs. may not seem like a lot to you right now, but it's more than 10% of your body weight lost. That is significant. I have read lots of posts here where menstrual cycles started again (if they had stopped due to weight gain) or became more regular. My cycle was not the most reliable pre-op. After about 2 months, it is like clockwork. As with anything that dramatically changes, check with your doctor and let them know what is going on just to be on the safe side.

I am scheduled for 12/12 and I am still grappling with the decision. I have 2 preschoolers and I'm torn between wanting to be slimmer and more energetic as a mother, and being terrified that I'll die or become disabled, etc. I don't think I've ever spent so much time and research on a decision. There just is no easy answer and the lack of very long term data is rough. Ultimately, though, I keep moving forward because my risk of diabetes or even more weight gain is much higher than the risk of surgery. Sometimes I just wish the answer would magically appear!! I wish I'd know about this surgery before I had kids--I'd have done it without a second thought. All we can do is research and reflect and hope we choose correctly. Good luck!

My name is Alex and I'm a 39 year old male living in Tennessee. I am divorced with three children. My highest weight was 323 and I became more and more concerned with my overall health condition. In 2007 I was diagnosed with sleep apnea, and just two years ago, atrial fibrillation. When it was suggested that all of these problems could be related to my obesity, I started looking for more extreme ways to try to lose weight. I have struggled with weight gain my entire life, trying all kinds of diets, losing 60 pounds when I was 16 but gaining it back by the time I was 22. My ex-wife had Roux en Y surgery in 2007, and had a dramatic weight loss. Unfortunately, she did not heed the advice of the doctors and dieticians and never took her supplements, so the weight came right back within two years. This has turned me away from having the surgery until a mutual friend of hers, a lap bander, had me speak to another friend who had recently had the gastric sleeve surgery, which I had not heard of until earlier this summer. I got very excited after researching the surgery and called my insurance company for physicians in network who perform it. I signed up for a consultation with the Vanderbilt Center for Surgical Weight Loss in Nashville in July and that is when I was sure this was the right time and the right thing to do. When the surgeon, Dr. Brandon Williams came in during the presentation I realized I went to high school with him and felt another sense of ease since we already knew one another. I had complete encouragement from my parents, my fiancée, and my personal physician, who wrote the letter of recommendation for me to have the surgery. And my insurance company was very easy to deal with, and only required a few standard prerequisites prior to having the surgery. (Psych eval, attendance of support group, evidence of trying other diets, etc). Four months later my surgery took place 11/21/2013. My only complication during the surgery was during post op; my heart went into atrial fibrillation while I was in the recovery room. I was moved to the cardiology floor at Vanderbilt for monitoring. The first night in the hospital was spent seeing many cardiologist trying to figure out how to get my heart rate below 130 where it stayed for hours. By morning, it was down to the 80s, since I was able to take my beta blockers crushed (yuck!). I was discharged the next day since my heart rate was back in the 60s. It has almost been 2 weeks since I had the surgery, and the only pain I feel is in my right side around the ribs, which is close to where they removed most of my stomach. I am now past the soft foods stage and can drink and eat ok, long as I resist the temptation to eat too big of a bite of food. I still crave the old foods I am no longer allowed to eat, but am putting in the toughest battle to stay with this diet by the book. I am 27 pounds down and hope to lose more and when I return to work I hope I can keep in control of my daily diet. That's enough about me... Good luck to everyone out there. I feel good about what I have done, no regrets.

Hey girlfriends, So of course, as my surgery date draws near, I've been thinking a lot about my upcoming "sleevization" and all my previous weight loss attempts. My last big weight loss was in 2010/2011. I worked HARD dieting and exercising (sometimes for 2 hours a night 3 days a week) and went from 270 to 187lbs. Size 22 to 14 (and some 12's). It was SUCH a struggle and such a victory. I've battled with weight my entire life and had REALLY made a lifestyle change. I became a beast in the gym and truly evolved from an exercise hater to an exercise lover. Right towards the end of my journey, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and got pretty sick. Couldn't really exercise anymore and thus, my healthy lifestyle went right out the winda! After a few months on prednisone (the devils choice pharmaceutical), I had gained a whopping 50lbs. Once I got there, I just said "FML" (f*** my life) and spiraled into a pity party complete with cakes, ice cream, donuts, Cookies, etc. Shortly after that, a bipolar II diagnosis came along. Perfect timing right? More meds, more weight gain and here I am at 279lbs. As I gained the weight back, I furiously put ALL of my cute little clothes into plastic bin exile because looking at them was even more excruciating than my disease. As I've now made the decision to try to end this lifelong nightmare by having VSG, I have new hope for myself and my life. So, last night I pulled those bins out of the closet in my spare bedroom. I smelled and touched them. I imagined myself back in those clothes. I remembered how cute and sexy I was. I began to really, really miss the girl who used to wear those clothes. I broke out into full on sobs holding those clothes in my hands. I cried for the loss of who I was. I cried because a bunch of things beyond my control started my descent back to this place. I cried because instead of getting back on track after getting off prednisone (which I will NEVER go on again), I gave up on my healthy lifestyle AND I gave up on myself. I cried because I MISSED working out IMMENSELY but felt too much shame in my fat body to go back to the gym. Lastly, I cried because I knew that soon, I'd be making my way back into those clothes. That vision moved me very deeply. It was much more of an emotional experience than I expected. I'll be back in those clothes again. It's the most empowering, assuring feeling I think I've ever felt. Have any of you had experiences like this or am I the only assclown sitting in the closet and crying while clutching clothes I can't even stuff a calf into?

Some doctors want you to stay on liquids 24 hours after a fill. Then you can eat mushies and soft foods. Now train yoru brain to eat properly, the Fills will NOT do this. I have 6.5cc in a 14cc Allergan Omiform band. And if I eat the wrong foods for 2-3 days I will see a weight gain. Best wishes and keep the Faith.

I had my surgery on 11/26. I have lost 30 lbs from my pre-op diet til now. Finally, I seem to have lost the weight gain from the hospital. I am having alot of trouble getting my Protein and fluids in. Today, I've had 2 yogurts, 1 Protein shake, and about a cup of tomato Soup and about a half cup of thai ginger sweet potato soup. That's about 60 gm protein, but almost NO Water. It's really hard to eat as slowly as I need to. I tried the thai sweet potato soup because I was craving food, not something sweet, but I had a terrible time getting any down. It's soft but guess I am not ready for it. If I try again tomorrow, I will dilute it a lot. It's hard to go as slow as I need to eat, and consequently I often feel a lot of gas pain. I hope to get the hang of this soon. Feeling good, lots of energy, and have stopped pain pills today. That said, after an errand, I come home and collapse for a nap. Next week, back to work. Not looking forward to having a group lunch on Thursday when I don't know what I will be able to eat. Or what to say.....

I think this is the hard part about me losing the weight.. Part of me likes being invisible. I don't like entering the potentially attractive world. Last time I lost weight I was picked up on! I was giddy happy I couldn't believe it!! (Oh I'm married so it doesn't matter) He was so handsome! I went home and binged? I hate my fat self but I'm scared of my small self. Is that why I've always regained? This is me!!! Laura I have told you before how much I like you and can identify with your personally. (I don't show it here online much) back to being invisible even on here. I'm a binge eater a sneak eater and am ashamed! Over the holiday I struggled more than I want to admit! The site is a life line in away. I read and post some but still hide. I read and it helps me learn how to deal with my addiction... Here's me..... My sister and I were raised by our Dad. He was a wonderful dad! Never remarried only had a handful of girlfriends in the last 30 years since our mother was murdered back in 83'. Our dad was a great provider for us. He was a hard worker and came to all our sports games. I was never a skinny kid like my sister but I was never fat also. I was a solid kid I played sports I was active. I ate like a pig. In the summers we would go to Nebraska and spend the summers with our mothers side of the family. They spoiled up with treats. I ate like a piggy but my sister not so much. My grandmother cooked A LOT she always made us finish our food. Heaps of bacon eggs waffles with lots of syrup "My fav!!" candy cookies cakes homemade treats ect. I was always the first done and the only going back for more. I remember one summer at our aunts I ate 2 boxes of lucky charms for breakfast with almost a whole gallon of milk. I was cut off then in the mornings at two bowls of cereal. As I grew up I learned to cook for my sister dad and I. I was in control of my/our food habits. I like sweet foods and processed foods so that's what we ate mostly. I baked cakes, cookies, brownies, sticky buns ect.. (as I write this it's raising my demons)!! We ate whatever we wanted. I loved it then. Our dad did cook for us also good meals but he was also working like a dog trying to raise two teenage girls. Anyway.... I gain weight to hide myself. I was always a "thick" athletic girl. Always the bigger girl. I never had or wanted a boyfriend until a few weeks before I graduated high school I never wanted to be noticed. I met my husband when I was 19 and I had lost 40 pounds after high school. I teased him about tricking him with being skinny and then being fat. He has never cared either way after 13 years together 12 married he still rubs my big body with the love reflected in them. I really started to gain just about a year after we married. He was military and we always had party's and hosted huge dinners for the soldiers who stayed for the holidays. The unwanted attention started. I was appalled that "I was getting hit on in my own home" they said it was my fault. My husband never believed it. But in order to "protect" myself I gained. I would wake up 2 or 3 times in the middle of the night and eat cereal huge bowls then pass out only to wake up again and crave more. I always hid it from my husband I was ashamed. I would buy cakes form the store and eat it in my car right after I ate fast food. It got to a point where when asked to get me a piece cake I got a whole cake. He didn't want to piss me off! After gaining a huge amount I lost and gained for years and years after all that been a struggle ever since. I quit caring what I looked like or how I felt. After hitting my all time HW at 278 while pregnant I was ok with it. Weird I know. I lost it and gained again a few times in the 2 years after our son was born via IVF. (that's a whole different thread for me) It also contributed to my weight gain in 2010, the meds messed me up. I hit my HW again this January and realized I wasn't able to PLAY with my son. I couldn't keep up. I couldn't run and chase him daddy had to. I was miserable and I hated myself and resented my husband for being able to move the way he did. I took charge again, I still have good days and bad like I always have. I still want to binge I almost stopped while writing this to look for sweets. Anyway I just went on and on and probably missed the point of the thread but I wanted to get it out. Sorry

Looking for support from long time banded. I was banded in 2007. As with everyone I have had ups and downs. Overall happy since I was able to stop my weight gain but haven't had the large weigh loss. I am 230 , was 260, want to be 180. I eat lots of small meals can't eat any more than about a cup of anything but like I said, lots of small meals. Had slippage a few months ago so was unfilled and let the band settle. Band ended up ok so was refilled. I guess I'm looking for words of encouragement and support. I find once I get pounds off they stay off, am considering opti fast to get weight down. Any advice out there?

This struck such a chord with me. My mum has always had a lot of control over my life (even now at 23 years old she opens and inspects my bank statements) and ever since I can remember I had sneaked food out of the cupboards and hid the wrappers in places I didn't think she would find. She has always been very slim and really controlled everything I ate because she wanted me to be just like her. I was always bigger than average because of this but my weight didn't get so out of control until she coerced me into doing something when I was 20 that I have hated myself for ever since. I thought that my weight gain was the emotional fall out of what I did, but you have really got me thinking that maybe it was my way of rebelling against her. Definitely something to consider. Thank you (and everybody else) for sharing so much in this thread. I am very much a lurker rather than a poster but you have all helped me feel so much less alone. I think you're all amazing.

So I recently (mid sept) had an total unfill because I was having surgery and then I had surgical complications and wound up losing 13 lbs. I was enjoying being 170 lbs...the thinnest I've been since I was a kid. But I was also enjoying eating and my weight went up to 179. I know, I know, its just 9 lbs and many of us would be very excited to be at 179... But this AM, after the person Im dating told me, as nicely as a person can say such a thing (I love you and want you to be the healthy vibrant person you should be) that they are no longer attracted to me sexually because of the weight gain. Of course they offered to diet with me and they are not breaking up...but the email I got made it clear that the weight gain is really not ok. My first impulse is to not that 1) I weighed 185 when we met and you were into me then.... 2) I hate to point out that you have gained quite a bit of weight since I met you also....but the truth is none of this is relevant. It really hurts to hear someone you are so in love with and attracted to isn't attracted to you. This was my first relationship post surgery and presurgery I hadnt been with anyone sexually for a long time. The chemistry that we had was so good for my self esteem, it was just so amazing to be that way again. But now I'm just feeling so mortified to read an email that says, "Ive been noticing how you fill your plate and then eat everything" "I see you lumbering out of bed and I know the weight isnt helping". We are supposed to go on a vacation next week and I dont know how to face eating meals together, sleeping in the same bed together etc. My impulse is to end the relationship and see if I can lose the weight. I just want to crawl under a rock. Then I keep telling myself that setbacks happen, and you start over. I shouldnt make such a big deal of it. But I need advice. Im at work and cant stop crying. Im glad all of this happened via email. I could not have handled this face to face. But what now? I need support people...

Working out almost always causes weight gain in the days following. The primary reason is that protein synthesis pulls water into the muscles as part of the conversion of carbohydrates and fat into glycogen. Muscles will use this glycogen in the process of protein synthesis. And so the cycle continues and effects on the body are additive, meaning that you will see a net loss over time (e.g. a few days, a week, a month, etc. For this reason, it is best not to gauge the effectiveness of a workout solely on scale weight, especially the next day. <br><br><br><br><br> Also you need to eat enough calories and enough carbohydrates to fuel the workout. Insanity is going to require a lot of carbohydrates in order not to hit a wall during a workout or, worse, blackout, as you have stated almost happened a few times on your first day. Your body will work against you if it does not have enough fuel to support the expenditure of energy, as a defense mechanism, so eating is very important. No starvation diets if you want to reap the benefits. Not only will 500 calories cause you to hit a wall during a workout, but continually eating at such a deficit is going to put your metabolism into hibernation (you are 3 + years post op; I would not say the same thing to a 4 month post op individual). <br><br><br><br><br> Good luck on your insanity program. It should be a good one and will help you change body composition in addition to weight loss.

I am sorry Gamergirl but the abuse you suffered at the hands of those boys is enough to make any person very emotionally and mentally sick... Of course in your case it was not your parents..But that played a part in your future. It had to! We have an inward conscience of what is right and wrong if we are not mass murderers and or people who are wired to cause pain and suffering to others....But it did play a part in your mind...Way back and deep it was hidden...It is amazing what the body will do to give it some ease or protect itself.... I will never say that building walls or eating until you are extremely obese is the answer. But it seems to me that there are a lot of people who suffered some tragedy in their life to assist in weight gain.... We are one screwed up world for sure and it is always children who suffer the worst and pay for it later......