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Maybe I'm an alcoholic?
newmebithebypass replied to likeamazing's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
Honestly comming from the prospective of the daughter of two addicts you don't sound like an alcoholic you sound like someone who is afraid their social life will change because much of it is engrained with alcohol in the foreground -
Maybe I'm an alcoholic?
MeMe8264 replied to likeamazing's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I'm with Babbs. You don't seem like an alcoholic to me at all. You are a person who loves the taste of wine. I am a person who loves the taste of beer. I, too, had misgivings about giving up my tasty beer. So, I waited until after my Cancun vacation and had a goodbye beer celebration. Now, I'm on day three of my pre-op diet and I'm ok with not having a drop of beer for the next eight weeks. Afterwards, of course, will be only able to handle a little bit. But mostly I've made up my mind to give it up along with all of the other tastes (food) that I need to give up to lose weight and get healthy. All in all, my advice is to wait until you're ready to say goodbye to wine. If that means waiting until afterNew Year's Eve, then so be it. You do what is right for you. It's your choice. -
Maybe I'm an alcoholic?
Babbs replied to likeamazing's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
From what you're saying, I personally think you're going through the normal grieving process like we all do with food, except you're doing it with alcohol. I don't think you sound like an alcoholic at all. Keep in mind, just like when we advise people about having "food funerals", you will be able to enjoy your wine in moderation down the road again, so don't think you won't. Get to your goal weight and implement your enjoyment of wine as part of your maintenance plan. In moderation, of course. If you feel you want to get it out of your system, by all means postpone the surgery until you feel you're ready to make the life changes needed for this surgery to be successful. -
Maybe I'm an alcoholic?
likeamazing replied to likeamazing's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
Yes, I'll be talking to my therapist soon. The only sign pointing to alcoholism is my reluctance to just commit to moving forward without it, because I really do love the many varieties and flavored of wine. I take vacations to vineyards and attend tastings, and socially it's so much apart of who I am. I love the ambiance and the culture that surrounds wine drinking. I have moments when I'm tired and defeated and want a glass of wine, and this social life has been my family, and my crutch. I don't get drunk, almost never. Two glasses and I'm done, 90% of time. My mother has worked in administration for an alcohol rehab hospital for 40 years, so I know about alcoholism and it's broad definition. I'm just astonished that in all my pre-op reading, therapy sessions and mental preparation it never came up until I was given the green light and figured why I've yet to hit the gas petal. -
You are not over reacting. Let me put it a different way....does it really matter if all alcoholics fall down and crush loved ones on a regular basis? Yours does, and it is unclear in m mind if you are actually a"loved one" or a person he can manipulate. I meant what I said- even if he weren't a very serious alcoholic his way of treating you is not good. Even if he quit drinking today, he doesn't sound like a good boyfriend. I know totally what you mean about not meeting someone that attracts you. I have found it difficult as many I meet are neither physically attractive nor have engaging personalities. Like you, I want a man in my life (I've done my single stint!) but I cannot emphasize enough that a boyfriend should compliment your life and add something good and special, not drag you down, treat you poorly or crush you physically. Even if all you want is "Mr. Right Now" you should still hold out for someone awesome, fun,kind, and SAFE. So I'm not overreacting that this is crazy? I mean, it's a queen size bed!!! How can he fall on me and almost crack my skull like that!! So not all alcoholics can barely walk when they drink? I've never been around one before.
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Maybe I'm an alcoholic?
animallover1247 replied to likeamazing's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I wouldn't schedule the surgery until you have gone through some counseling over the alcohol issue.I think drinking after surgery is a very,very slippery slope. One issue is your body doesn't process alcohol in the same way and you get drunk much quicker. I can't say if you are an addict now or not but if you start to drink after surgery, there is a huge likelihood you will become an addict based on the information you have given. I even discussed this same issue with my therapist...trading one addition for another. i don't drink at all now so the way for me to avoid not becoming an alcohol is to never pick up the first drink. However, you drink now and it sounds as if you still intend on drinking at some point after surgery. Please get some counseling, discuss this with your surgeon... do SOMETHING to address this before surgery is scheduled. I wish you all the best! -
Maybe I'm an alcoholic?
Inner Surfer Girl replied to likeamazing's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
"I don't drink everyday, and I don't drink alone, but I drink pretty often because I'm lonely and alcohol soothes that pain." I don't have a love for drinking, my addiction is food, but I have loved an alcoholic. This statement alone sends up a major red flag. I highly recommend you visit a local AA meeting. Even if it turns out you aren't an alcoholic you will learn a great deal. If you are, it can save your life. -
Go to AL anon it is a place for loved ones or family members of alcoholics or addicts. Just attend for a little while and I think it will help you and him immensely.
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So I'm not overreacting that this is crazy? I mean, it's a queen size bed!!! How can he fall on me and almost crack my skull like that!! So not all alcoholics can barely walk when they drink? I've never been around one before.Ever heard the term "Falling down drunk?" Yeah. My mom was an alcoholic. She used to hurt herself all the time because she was too drunk to walk. Luckily, she never hurt any of us. Physically at least. Almost killed us a couple times driving, too.
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May I also tactfully suggest you don't sleep with a man until, and unless, he has shown you his true nature and really committed to you. That might mean waiting until remarriage (my preference) or at least waiting until things are much more committed. Why would you give an intimate part of yourself to someone that you didn't want around your children? I may be old-fashioned now, but looking back to my teen/20's years I was desperate for someone to love me (child of an alcoholic father and distant mom) and gave myself away (body and soul) to several undeserving men (boys!), including my soon-to-be-ex husband. My 14 yo dd came home from school the other day with a link to a TED talk about relationships they were supposed to watch for health class. I think it's an excellent talk and recommend it for anyone in the dating games https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jodhovumkHQ
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@@bellabloom Get out now! Honestly you can do better, you are worth it! More importantly, you cannot fix him if that is what you are thinking. He has to fix himself and clearly he doesn't think he needs fixing. Trust me, I have been around alcoholics my whole life. My step dad, grandfather, sister n law and now my oldest son. They have to want to fix the problem themselves. You on the other hand can do something about this situation now. Walk out and get on with your life! You will not be alone but you need time to get your head focused on who you are. I wish you the best of luck, please don't continue to abuse yourself in this manner. You are worth so much more! Hold out for your real true love, he is out there waiting for you!
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Hello! I'm new. I'm preparing for VSG surgery, Im approved and just need to select my date. If I could select tomorrow I would, I'm soooooo ready. Or at least I thought so. I'm stalled, because my 40th birthday is 1 month away, and I have friends flying in from around the country to Celebrate, which complicates any liquid pre-op diet. I know I could manage the liquids, but it the no alcohol that gets my panties in a twist. I never realized until now how important wine is to me. It actually makes me a little sad, nervous and depressed to consider going months without a drink. I don't drink everyday, and I don't drink alone, but I drink pretty often because I'm lonely and alcohol soothes that pain. And then the holidays begin. I don't really care about missing out on food, but the social settings are going to be a real challenge. Maybe I should do my surgery in early January? But putting it off makes me I feel like I'm not really ready for the compromises and commitment it takes. Does that mean I'm an alcoholic? Does that mean I'm not as ready as I think I am? Or am I just going through the first stage of grief? Something that I never considered until now... And it's kinda flipped my world. Love to know how sleevers with a love for drinking socially have fared?
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Going to a wedding today...halp?
Mega_100 replied to Mega_100's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Sorry, should have mentioned that my preop diet is liquids only. Stomach issues is a good one though. Hopefully no one notices (no alcohol + stomach problems = pregnancy assumptions). -
Run. Get out of this relationship now. He does not love you he loves alcohol. You can't change him. You said yourself he is narcissistic and you find him boring. What happens if he really did hurt you? Please get out now. Alcoholics are very good at playing the guilt game and they are fantastic liars. They only care about themselves when they want to drink and use the "woe is me" to get people to stay. Don't fall for it. Cut him loose from your life. No calls, no texts, etc.
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So I'm not overreacting that this is crazy? I mean, it's a queen size bed!!! How can he fall on me and almost crack my skull like that!! So not all alcoholics can barely walk when they drink? I've never been around one before.
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I am so sorry you are going through this.... As a daughter of an alcoholic father....I feel your pain. However, he is responsible to fix his own problems. My dad had a reason to drink for every day of the week. If it wasn't tragedy Monday, it was joy Tuesday, or boredom on Wednesday, or that his boxers were too tight on Thursday...Friday...well that's the weekend...drinking so much he never got a hangover because he never truly sobered up. Never took ownership of his problem. It was torture growing up with that. I watched my mother for 25 years make excuse after excuse for his behavior and actions...while he but inhaled booze. She thought it was alright because he still provided for the family. Yes it is a disease and only one curable once they are convinced they have a problem. I prayed for years my parents would split because of the damaged it cause us all as a family. But she stayed, until the day he died an old age of 55. In my opinion, she enabled him to lead that life for never setting boundaries for herself or for us kids with him and never forcing him to choose booze or us. It took me many sessions in therapy to state that I resented her for that as much as him. Ok...wrong path here..this iss about you It is hard as hell watching someone you care about decline like that...but once it starts to be YOUR problem it is time to say, "you've got a problem, get help and I'll help you too...or if you don't I'm gone." You can help people mend, but you can't do it for them. They are always sorry after the fact, most are sincere when they say it. But sorry doesn't fix it...recovery does and if he is not willing to do that, then you honestly should move on.
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Well, a life lesson for me again. Don't date an alcoholic. I've never known an alcoholic before. The man I've been dating the past 5 months is one. It snuck up on me, realizing how bad it is. We were together successfully 3 months when he lost his job, his brother died, and now his dad has prostate cancer. He's totally hit rock bottom and spends all day drinking. I've been trying to survive in the relationship. We've already broken up once and got back together recently. The first time we broke up, it was after I was spending the night at his house and in the middle of the night he got up to use the restroom and fell on me and almost broke my ribs. He is a pretty big guy (6 foot) and he was dead weight and I'm very tiny now. I was so bruised I could barely lift my arm. I broke up with him and then regretted it, missing him and the company. So I decided to give it another try thinking it was a one time thing. Then last night, I was at his house in bed and he got up, came back to sit down and sat down backwards too close to me, and the back of his head cracked into my face sooooooo hard, I thought my eyebrow was split. I cried and held my face for 15 minutes seeing stars with tears streaming down and shaking. I'm so surprised I don't have a black eye today. What is wrong with me that I can't leave this situation. I'm getting hurt and it's dangerous. Clearly he is sick and I have no business being in this. On top of all this, he is totally narcissistic and I find him rather irritating and boring. He doesn't ever talk with me about my life, only himself and his problems. Why am I still in this??????? The weird thing is that although he doesn't listen well, ask me questions or take and interest he is constant saying how much he loves me, adores me, how sexy and beautiful I am, how he wants to marry me and he also wants to have sex with me around the clock!!! Makes no sense.
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Omg. Are you guys ready? Here I go!! 1. Guy shows up and he's nothing like his profile pictures. He's ugly and has a hairy back sticking out of his shirt. His voice is incredibly obnoxious and he spends most of the date talking about Kung fu movies. He talks me into going to sushi with him and I tell him, fine but I'm NOT hungry so I'll just watch you eat. We get there, and turns out he is one of those people that thinks Japanese sushi chefs will understand them better if they speak in a very loud pretend Japanese accent!! "Hewwwwo, we likey sushii yum yum pwease! Arigato!" Omg. The waitresses are rolling their eyes, and I am mortified having lived in Japan and being very aware how ridiculous this is! The ****** bag proceeds to order me a 16 piece of sushi plate and a shrimp head!! Omg. I can't eat it of course but I make myself sick trying because I can't stand to waste food and puke three times in the bathroom and to make it worse the a*****e drinks all my sake!!!! 2. I go out with this super cute guy. On our second date he takes me to a beautiful restaurant, delicious food, pulling out my chair, opening the car door, doing everything right! He is funny and charming and I'm loving it. Until. He gets this crazy look in his eyes and starts telling me with full conviction how he's got friends with special powers that can levitate things with their minds and see the future!!! Aha hahahha. 2. Go out to Breakfast with a guy. He's late but when he shows up he's kinda cute. So we sit down and we are chatting and he tells me about how he was part of a Christian cult for 12 years. ???? But he left it and I'm thinking okay at least he left it. I casually ask about his kids and he launches into everything about his ex wife and how three weeks ago!!!!! He finally had her arrested from their home for domestic abuse and she went to jail. Three weeks ago!!! f**k!!! I want to leave but I stay and damn sure he pays for breakfast. 4. Quick summery- the guy who offered to put his hand up my dress and grab my ass. The guy who showed up wearing lipstick. The gay cowboy. The nutlike guys who have me the entire histories of their alcoholic bulimic abusive ex-wives. The guys who bailed on their kids. The guys with no time at all for dating. The guy who had a compulsive spitting problem. The alcoholic. The guys who made me pay. Ugh. It's a scary world out there!!
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I have Dr. Im stats: Age: 35 Height: 5'4.5" orientation weight: 401.5 pre surgery goal: 370 current weight: 364.5 weight lost: 37 lbs Once you go to the wls class/nutrition class combo, everything starts happening really quickly. Some of the changes they ask you to make are super hard, like not eating for 10 minutes after drinking or not drinking for an hour after eating, eat Protein first, no straws, gum, caffeine, carbonated beverages, or alcohol; but they seem to know what they're doing:) I am on FB, feel free to add me:)
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Happy Friday! Today is my 4 Month Surgiversary. I have lost a total of 56 pounds, weighing in at 196, down from 252 pounds. I had no complications from surgery, and my recovery was ridiculously easy. I haven't gotten sick once, and have yet to eat something that my sleeve of steel doesn't tolerate. My doc had said that my sleeve was small, and was meant to hold 3 ounces. I can usually take in 4 or 5 ounces, which she says is fine and which I don't really understand, but I am trusting her on that). I run 2-3 miles, 4 times a week, try to follow a low-carb diet (not too strictly;I essentially just keep myself under 50g per day) of 1000 calories per day. I have a glass of red wine almost every night. I include this in my calorie count. If alcohol is considered a "cheat," then it is the only cheat I'm currently enjoying. I was required to quit a 30-year smoking habit several months before surgery and, to be honest, the pre and post op diets were an absolute cakewalk compared to giving up the cigarettes. But I'm nearly 8 months smoke free, and I'm thrilled to have gotten through the process unscathed. Although I've lost 56 pounds, I've been wearing the same pant size for the last 3 months; the waist on my size 18s still fit, but the legs, butt, hips are extremely saggy. I'm looking forward to getting into some more fitted size 16s, as I'm looking pretty sloppy at present. I feel great, and I look pretty darn great, too. I'm delighted I made the decision to have VSG. The results thus far have been wonderful!
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No regrets. You should know that MOST of us can eat any type of food once we are a few months out. Some people imagine the sleeve will stop them from eating "bad" or unhealthy foods and for most of us we must choose to avoid those foods, the sleeve doesn't decide it for us. I do think it is normal to "miss" overeating/over indulging and the truth is you will find long term success (ie maintenance) once you have kind of mentally moved on from that desire. I do not mean to say any of us are perfect, but it is a pretty fundamental shift in priorities. Example, I used to have a daily ice cream habit. At some point, I had to ask myself how important that pleasure is vs the misery of obesity. I don't need alot of calories to maintain, so even years down the road i have to be quite mindful and regain if I start letting little things become habits. On the topic of cocktails - it is my opinion that you should generally avoid alcohol during the weight loss phase. I say it for a couple of reasons - but mostly because it is just plain emtpy calories and a lot of carbs. I also found it burned my tummy first time i had wine was about 3-4 months post op at a celebration party. Many of us have excess acid/tender tummies for the first few months and alcohol does NOT improve that situation. In maintenance, I do have alcohol but it is one of the items that can lead to regain. It is pretty easy to drink a few extra hundred calories here and there ... and it doesn't take much for the scale to start moving up. So, I think you will find over the long haul that having a cocktail occasionally is no problem - but you might want to avoid it until you are well established as a WLS veteran so to speak and then monitor how it works for you in maintenance. Good luck!
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I had regrets in the first few weeks. That seems to be pretty common. When you are miserable and frustrated and wondering if you will ever feel "normal" again. But now, over a year out, definitely no regrets! Every once in a while, I will hear/see something about foods I used to love and have a brief moment of sadness that I can't enjoy them anymore, but that passes quickly. Notice I said "enjoy" them. That's because I am physically capable of eating anything at this point, but much of my enjoyment of things like pizza or Pasta or eating large meals out came from the sheer VOLUME of food I could eat, not necessarily the taste. So while I can eat those things now if I choose to, I don't enjoy them the way I used to, so I usually just skip them. As for cocktails, why couldn't you have those in the future? I was allowed alcohol at 3 months post-op and I do occasionally partake in social situations. I miss beer (can't have carbonation anymore), but I can have mixed drinks. I do get drunk VERY fast now. I'm a SUPER light-weight now. But, I also sober up really fast.
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No regrets. I was never a big drinker before surgery, so I have never felt the need to drink to feel like I was enjoying life. I don't miss the occasional margarita, beer, or glass of wine that I used to have. You may be surprised how little you "need" alcohol to enjoy listening to your husband play. I really don't miss eating junk. I don't miss the cake and ice cream that the rest of the family ate last night at our impromptu picnic. I did allow myself one crescent roll with butter, but it was after I ate my Protein and some vegetables. For me, now that I have truly gotten the junk out of my system, I don't crave it and it doesn't appeal to me.
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@@gowalking Good post. This is definitely interesting stuff to think about. I'd bet a lot of us never fully developed self-respect growing up. I grew up with an alcoholic mother with terrible boundaries. I didn't learn how distinguish between my own problems I needed to own and others' problems that I needed to let them own. I know a number of women with weight problems are survivors of sexual abuse, which is the ultimate way of taking away your voice. I had several crappy relationships both as a thin and overweight person. A couple years ago I saw a therapist who taught me all about boundaries and that I don't have to put up with other people's BS. That changed my life. I'd made a long-distance move for a job away from the place I'd been living for several years and loved. It looked like a good idea on paper, but I knew in my heart it was wrong for me. With my newfound courage, I got an even better job and moved back to that area I love. About eight months in, I learned about the bariatric center where I ended up having my surgery. I only told my dad, my best friend and my boyfriend at first and they all said they supported me. I had my dad tell the rest of my family first and he made sure they knew my mind was made up and I wouldn't tolerate any negative or inappropriate comments. Now I'm post-op and just trying to ride out the difficult time in the beginning. I know this is going to make me feel even healthier and more confident. Can't wait!
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Two Similar Threads
JustWatchMe replied to gowalking's topic in General Weight Loss Surgery Discussions
Nailed it. As I've said before, my tolerance for a------s went down in direct proportion to my weight loss. Additionally, I do now recognize that my crappy marriage was made crappy by two people, not just one big jerk. I didn't speak up because it was easier to go along. I didn't speak up because I didn't want to fight. I didn't push for time spent on my interests and friends because I didn't have the energy to deal with his pissy reactions. I let the emotional and mental and financial abuse continue, even against my kids, because I was afraid I would be financially helpless without him, and too scared to make a change. I ate to make these realities go away for a few hours a day. I didn't go out and socialize because I was embarrassed about who I had become. When I put down the fork, everything changed. No more buffer. No more anesthetic. No more tolerance. No more self medicating. I got out and didn't look back. But I came with me. And I learned in this past year that not only am I stronger than I ever had to be before, but I also still have a deeply rooted drive to self medicate all scary and bad feelings away. Last month, I corrected an alcohol problem before it ruined me. I, too, see a therapist and go to CODA and OA and now AA. I go to a Christian divorce group weekly and just started a smaller women's-only divorce group as well. It's a lot of appointments and meetings, but you know what? It beats the hell out of sitting on the couch at 302 pounds every night and eating myself into a food coma.
