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Hey everyone! This'll be my very first post on here. YAY! Firstly, I want to say how sorry I am for the people on here who are having a hard time with their partners being unsupportive! I truly truly feel for you guys and wish you all the best of luck in dealing with this. Just remember this, that the most likely reason behind the way you're partners are acting (or anyone else at that) is fear. Fear of one thing or another. It is the case with most similar situations, and if that IS the case for you than you're kinda in luck because fear can be conquered, but it's difficult to do alone, especially if the person doesn't even know they are experiencing it. So please, try and see if you can find out what it is your partner "fears". Albeit, losing you, fear of the surgery or complications, fear of the unknown (lack of knowledge), and other possible fears, and work on eliminating that fear however your feel is best. You know your partners best, so don't lose hope. In most cases, such problems can be resolved. And I hope and pray that for each and every one of you experiencing these problems with your partners, that you all are able to resolve whatever issues there are behind the unsupportiveness. And if not, remember that you've got to do what is best for yourself!!! And we are all here, and we all support you! I too have had a unsupportive husband, who is one of those always fit bodybuilding beast of a man guys who think all everyone in the whole world needs to do is HIT THE GYM! LOL. Basically, my hubby and I have a great relationship in every way possible......but we verbally fight like dogs when we rarely DO argue, and laugh like hell while we're at it too (It's just hilarious seeing each other so revved up over something, so the fight is usually over when one of us laughs, as it's contagious lol). We've been like this from day one, and it's mostly my fault lol. We don't say things that can be hurtful, but we do say quite a few playful ish things all the time. No...he does not call me lard-ass! Thought I'd just put that out there. HA! He would be deathly scared to, however I admit I do call him that when I see him downing steak after steak during his Protein munster phases! LOL. I mean to say that we have a VERY open way of communicating where we trust each other with our entire souls to not hurt the other and express whatever it is that is on our minds, directly. No BS. NONE! ZILCH! That is just how I am, and hubby has learned to become the same way having been with me for so long. And me him, a good relationship is one built on trust, honesty and good communication. However, a GREAT relationship is one where both parties know "how" to communicate successfully with each other, and know when to stop and what buttons to simply NOT PUSH. I know when my husband is set on something, I can smell the determination a mile away, and I act accordingly and support him through thick and thin without any need for any level of "assertion" on his behalf. And I expect him to be the same way. The only problems that arise in such a relationship start when one of us doesn't really understand what it is we are truly feeling.....and when it comes to expressing....it's nothing less than an EPIC FAIL!. lol. Basically, my husband felt that I did not know enough about the VSG and is afraid that I am taking too big a risk to simply "get thin". He has fear of possible complications, or harms from the surgery for me, and the fact that I just threw the decision at him like that out of nowhere only made matters worse. ( honestly I never thought to tell him before that I'd researched and researched it off and on through the past 11 years, since I'd never made a decision until now). I should have kept him more aware of it while I was looking into it, so that he could have easily flowed right into it. If you want to know how everything went down in that discussion, and a little about why I decided towards the for me and what lead me to my decision ultimately read on. When I explained to my hub that I was looking into the VSG.....I was straight forward and let him know the facts. What it was, how the surgery is performed, how I felt about it, why I need it and so on so on. My reasons are two, and only two. I want to look good and know how it feels to actually be a normal human being for once....and second, I NEED to be there for my children, I refuse to not give them ALL of myself anymore. My boys deserve a mom who can, will and wants to run around like an erffing lunatic with them all day long LOL. They deserve to have mommy take care of the chores for once so they can learn to do the same! They need there mother to do all of the things, and more, a mother does with her very young boys (3yrs and 8 months). The worst moment of my life was when my oldest bub very recently managed to unlock and open the front door and ran off into the main road infront of the house and ACTUALLY HID BEHIND OUR SUV TO JUMP OUT AND SCARE AN ONCOMING CAR!!!!! SERIOUSLY! I couldn't run fast and hard enough to get to him in time. To this day, I do not even know how I managed to reach him in time, grab him by the waist and throw myself and him back onto the side of the road behind the suv again. If I had fallen or slipped once, just ONCE I don't want to think about what could have happened! Hubby knew all about this incident, and when I reminded him of it (thinking this is the main point of my entire conversation here lol) he goes, "Well see! You ran like hell, and you got him didn't you!" And the man is smiling at me (that heart-melting smile....not quite working today though I did notice lol). He actually thinks he's making a point here. Basically, the fact that I ran and made it barely before my son did that awful thing he was planning to do meant that I was fit enough to do it, I just needed something to motivate me. WTF!!! (disclaimer! lol! we have since made it clear and very well understood that it is incredibly dangerous what bub was planning on doing, and even if it was the case that he wasn't attempting to jump infront of the car but only say boo or surprise it he is to never ever go anywhere near any roads unattended, hide behind cars, or jump at them ever again....honestly you'd think they'd know these things eh? haha....they are only 3 year olds though) Well basically, after a few more "excuses" my husband came up with. I told him to stop talking, and demanded that he will give me 10 minutes to have my say, uninterrupted, and than we can continue. Firstly, I addressed the aforementioned comment he made about how I was able to run and get my son out of harms way in time, so that meant I was actually quite fit! I told him, if he thinks that this is a sensible argument he should re-evaluate his entire way of thinking. If I had been healthy and fit I would not have taken so darn long to half waddle half fall my way over to my son. I would have been able to have gotten off the sofa and get to him before he even got the door open. But my knees do not allow me to do that. Ever since my last pregnancy, I have lost the ability to quickly/easily get up and out of laying/seated positions. My back will "get stuck" if I do it. Which had happened when I ran to get him, and the excruciating pain from that made it impossible for me to move my right leg well enough to stride over to him at any speed. That and my knee pain together scared the living heck out of me that day! The only thing that saved my son was that burst of adrenaline when I opened the door, got onto the steps of the porch and actually saw what he was about to do! Basically, I said to my husband if the fact that I barely made it over to save our son from imminent death from jumping infront of or beside an oncoming car....just in time, rather than having been able to have stopped the boy even leaving the house is an achievement MAJOR re-evaluations need to be made on his part, mentally! Than I explained to him that this is a decision that has already been made. There will be no if's, and's, or but's about it and he has the option to be a supportive part of this decision so that I can remember him there at my bedside throughout such an important time in my life at the hospital, and there by my side as I slowly come into a new era of my life and healthy, fit, and active future when we are both old and have nothing left, but the memories to relive and re-think over and over again. OR he can just sit pretty at home and act like a baby while I move onto bigger and better things for myself and my children, on my own. THEN (here's the best part ), I told him that the second one, is simply not an option and he is coming to Tijuana with me whether he likes it or not because I decide how I see him in the future, I will NOT let him, or anyone else dictate how I feel about MY HUSBAND and MY MARRIAGE. Yes, it is OUR MARRIAGE. But I refuse to let my partner NOT BE A PART of possibly one of the biggest moments of my life that I will remember when we are old and raggedy if I can help it. And first and foremost, I simply refuse to let ANYONE dictate how that important moment, or any other moment in my life at that will be embedded within my memory, not without a fight at least. So if his decision is anything less than "Yes dear, when's the flight?" I will take it to translate directly to "Bye honey, I'm moving back in with my parents while you gather up the paperwork for me to sign, and yes of course your keeping the kids....seeing as there is no way in hell I'm getting them because you will always have a better case then me in court, and I know from experience your lawyer is a BOSS!". So yes, after this conversation was over (it seems much more mean and robotic in writing, but I thought I'd state I was actually being very carefully worded and loving saying all this lol), hubby was all about it lol. Yes, he still thinks I could work out more (but he also thinks he could rid the world of all diseases and illnesses if he could just convince enough people to simply "hit the gym"), and yes he repeatedly tells me he loves my body the way it is and thinks I look gorgeous (can't argue with that ) but he says he knows that this is what I want for me, and skinny, fat, he'll have me any way he can as long as I'm happy. So, needless to say....he's paying for everything lol.

Hi, I had my sleeve done on the 18th, and have lost 16.7 kg (sorry don't know pound equivalents) since then. My surgery went well other than a reaction to the opiate pain killers! I am on the soft food stage now, but have stalled in my weight loss for the past 6 days! Frustrating, have upped my walking to 35 minutes moderate walking on up and down hills and stairs. This represents a complete new start in my life, I have also separated from my husband of 10 years as he is unsupportive and moved back into my parents house with two special needs children and a toddler! Despite the changes, I am positive and excited at the new life I am building for myself and my children!

Hi all- I am just beginning the process, contemplating being banded. I had looked into it, attended an info session, 3 years ago, but had Blue Cross of NJ at that time, and they required 6 months of a medically supervised weight loss program. I was inpatient, as well as engaged to a very unsupportive man so I didn't pursue it. Fast forward 3 years, I now have Amerihealth POS Plus, and am living with a wonderful man who will support my decision 100%. I called my insurance company and they were very vague as to what's involved for approval. I am attending an info session tomorrow with a different surgical group (the one 3 years ago seemed a bit like a factory to me - too big and too busy). I did already make an appt with the doc for a consultation in 2 weeks, and he's listed as a network provider on my insurance company website. Does anyone have any experience with Amerihealth? BTW my current BMI is 40 plus I am on medication for high blood pressure. Also, if I attend info session tomorrow, what kind of timeframe can I expect to actually having the surgery?

Hi don't give up. If you follow all steps you will be fine. Don't let the unsupportive people kick you off surgery or scare u. Put in your mind you can do this and you WILL DO THIS!! I will all the best and good luck.

I agree with everything here 100%. No one meant to insult or upset anyone. In fact, the only person who was disrespectful and snarky on this entire thread was balbuquerque. The rest of us were simply pointing facts versus false information, nothing more. Sorry if not wanting to misinform others is "unsupportive" but we owe to the rest of the community not to pass on bad info and needlessly scare people.

well then Tricia... you go ahead and take down the post and remove your account if you so choose... this is a free country and you have every right to do so. I for sure and i'm going to speak for Mis too.. (hope that's ok) didn't mean to insult you only to correct mis-given information. YOU wrote: Pancreatitis caused by gallstones, which were a result of my band. If someone else comes on here and sees what you wrote they are getting uneducated and misinformed information. Simply, the band does not cause gallbladder disease. Your weightloss was the cause... not the band. And unless there were OTHER things wrong with your band, there are no medically necessary reasons why a LB has to be removed to preform a gallbladder removal surgery. ​I wish you all the success in your future endeavors.. MsMaui are you saying that when someone comes on this forum and gives incorrect information, we should all sit silently as to not hurt or seem "unsupportive"? That just won't happen. I have been here for over three years and have been and still are very supportive to all, but i won't sit by and have people give out uneducated and miss-guided information. If the post would have read that she had gallbladder disease and "choose" to have her band out... that would be a different story. But to say that the Band cause it is just completely false.... I challenge you and any other to find any where proof that the LB causes Gallbladder disease ... If you can i will issues an apology..

To my unsupportive, very soon to be ex husband: I now have 2 boyfriends, and the sex is glorious! Ha!

I'm glad I found this site. It's nice to find support, help, and read everyone's stories. It helps to read other experiences. My surgery is May 24- just got the date last Friday. Tomorrow is my pre-op,and I meet my surgeon next Thursday. It seems like most people here have a liquid diet for at least two weeks, but my doctor's office has me doing it for 7 days before surgery. I'm both excited and nervous. I've overheard people at work talking and saying that I've been on so many diets and always gained it back, and that I'm just too lazy to lose the weight "the right way" (as they put it). I also have a lot of supportive family and friends. I was wondering how many of you have encountered negativity and unsupportive people, and how you handled it. I can understand now why people are hesitant to tell people they are having surgery and talk about it with others. We all have to make the best decision for ourselves. So many things I am looking forward to doing again... playing sports, walking up stairs without pain, hiking more easily, riding horses again, being able to fit in an airplane seat and not have to use an extension, and just plain feeling good about myself again.

I have not had the surgery yet but boy am I excited and nervous all at the same time!! I'm hoping to have my surgery in early July ( fingers crossed)! Maybe this can give your mind a little ease- I've been researching WLS for a year now and I finally took the big leap and called my insurance company and attended my first seminar and what an eye opener. My surgeon told us from the time we left that day to the day I have my first consultation to make a list of pros and cons and to write a short paper describing my quality of life that I currently have now. I honestly have to say that I do have some things list on the cons side but there are so many pros I have!! As for my quality of life- i have an amazing and supportive husband and 3 beautiful kids that I love but im not active with them im a side line mom and i hate that. For once I can pictures myself as a healthy, active and maybe even a sexy person! As for people not being supportive I understand! It sucks but ultimately you have to do what makes you happy and a better wife and mom. There will always be unsupportive people but for everyone that's not supportive there are a handful that will be!! Good luck and hopefully you will find peace about whatever choice you make.

Did anyone not tell anybody? I'm in the process of getting approved and will get my band sometime this summer, but I've only told one person. She's a friend of mine and happened to say something about her aunt who was banded so I felt comfortable telling her. My mom is very unsupportive about anything regarding my weight loss, though, and my sister is a dietician and very judgmental. I don't want to tell them, and as of right now plan of having the surgery without telling anyone except for that one friend. She has expressed interest in the process of me getting it and has always been supportive. My insurance also requires me to stay overnight the day of my surgery, so I was planning on driving myself home from the hospital and just going on about my life. Has anyone else done this?

My surgery was last wends and I plan on going back to work tomorrow,less than 7 days out but i timed it so that I could use my sick days in conjunction with the weekend. I am keeping the surgery a secret because people at my job are so mean and unsupportive. I have techniques that i will use to get up from my desk every hour to move. I am not in pain so i think I will be ok....

It is an unfortunate, but undeniable fact that the vast majority of folks who have never struggled with obesity believe that "diet and exercise" are always the answer. Science tells us exactly the opposite. For people with a BMI of 30 or greater, the failure rate of diet and exercise is almost 100%. It simply does not work. And doctors have known that for years. But until bariatric surgery, they simply had no other option to offer. Those who are unsupportive often have the very best of intentions. They are concerned about the risks associated with surgery. And at the same time fail to understand (or chose to ignore) that obesity is a progressive, degenerative disease that has reached epidemic levels and is the number two cause of preventable death in the U.S. There are decisions in life that have to be made on a personal level. For those who cannot support the surgery option - their concern is understandable, even appreciated. But that does not change the fact that bariatric surgery is the single most effective treatment currently known to medical science for obesity (and more than 30 associated co-morbidities). And not by a little but by a very wide margin. Friends, family and loved ones must understand and respect your right to make what may well be the most important decision in your life. Manipulation and ultimatums are not options. And they are not acts of love.

I feel so bad for those of you with coworkers that are being unsupportive and mean. I feel really blessed I work at a small hospital and everyone is Great about my upcoming surgery. I work as a CNA and a lady I work with is our unit secretary. She is cross training with me so that I can come back to work in 2 weeks and do a desk job. She will be doing my job. We will switch for 2-3 weeks till I am cleared for heavy lifting. She volunteered to do that on her own. Everyone else on my work team has been cheering me on as I have lost weight doing the nut appts.

He doesn't seem to understand that this journey is super hard for me. It's only been a couple of weeks and even though I don't talk about missing (junk) food that much, I do. He just eats what he wants when he wants right in my face. I'm so frustrated! Grrrrrrrrrr......

I went to Lenox Hill (summer 2010) 3 years ago and they didn't take the insurance i had at the time. So i went for St lukes. One of the workers had told me to change to some insurance wellcare (i think) because they were easy to get approved for surgery. I thought it was healthfirst so 6 months later i changed to healthfirst and then work school and laziness got in the way. Thats how i ended up going to NY presbyterian (august 2011 Seminar first appointment Dec 2011) But i was so lost with what they needed and with an unsupportive PCP i just kinda gave up. Like 4 months later (April 2012) i got my act together. Changed my PCP started seeing him every month for 6 months, i gave him everything i was given and he gave me all the referrals i needed.

The sleeve will help you learn to eat less. I dont believe his points are valid, infact he sounds very negative and unsupportive. This is your life and you only get to live it once! I hope you follow your heart and get your weight off regardless of his input. I was fortunate to have a very supportive husband. Neither he nor I thought the sleeve would be effective for me because 1. I was extremely over weight since a toddler and 2. because every diet I have ever been on resulted in me gaining more weight. In 6 months I have lost over 70lbs. It seems surreal! I haven't over come my food addictions. Its a constant battle. If you were able to over come them on your own you wouldn't need surgery! The sleeve has affected my life in ways I would have never imagined. I am working on my goals and dreams. I didn't value myself enough to do this before. The decrease in my joint pain is unbelievable. For the first time ever I was able to climb rocks on the beach and tide pool with my 6 year old, never thought I'd have the energy or strength to do that! I know I went on a bit of a tangent but there is so much of life we miss out on being severly obese and there are so many wonderful things that begin happening as the weight comes off. It makes me sad when I hear that family arn't supportive.

I just booked a space at a weight loss seminar for april 18 (im very excited). I mentioned this to my bff and she basically attacked me. She started saying how i dont need it and im only doing it to improve my looks ( which is way off base) and that i havent been dieting seriously. and i have. true i do not have any other comorbidities but i have many reasons why i want to do this which im sure you all could understand. she starts saying how im gonna have so much recovery time and im gonna have to do this this and this. How do you deal when someone is totally unsupportive of your decision? She thinks she knows everything about the world. should i just cut her out of the loop of this decision?

This thread and others like it give all the reasons why I no longer come to this site. Thought I would just visit and see if things have changed, but no, it's still nasty, unsupportive and unwelcoming. Everything a site like this SHOULD NOT BE. A shame because there's some really sincere, nice people here.

I've been completely transparent about surgery with everyone who asks 'how have you done it?' If people compliment me on my weight loss I just thank them. I have never had a single negative reaction. Maybe it's luck? I do work in a pretty alpha male environment, not a single unsupportive comment or joke etc. Having said that because I'm so transparent I've had 4 people start their weight loss surgery journey. One (a daughter of a work colleague actually) has had her VSG surgery. I'm pretty happy / proud to have had some input into helping others. I know other threads have degenerated on this topic. I respect everybody's right to maintain their privacy if that's what they want to do. And, like has been discussed people really should not be so nosey to ask or assume. But they do. I'd feel uneasy having a cover story for those times. I have a friend who gave a cover story to her new in-laws. She was worried because they're quite 'healthy and sporty' and didn't want to be judged. The cover story has started to unravel and I guess now she has been judged by them anyway, perhaps (rightly or wrongly) more harshly. Make the decision on this that's best for you. Deano

Thank you for your informative and inspiring story. Very happy to hear that you listened to your body and made good choices. I totally understand unsupportive friends and family. From the verbal yummmmmmmms this is amazing through dessert while I'm abstaining to the tugging on my clothes if they were loose. I'm especially proud of you, and you should be proud of yourself, for not purchasing a scale (we all know all too well that the scale is the devils seed and is a LIAR). I think I will be putting mine away. I would much prefer to follow your lead and concentrate on other indicators. Being addicted to weighing in would set you up to compare your efforts against others. WTG! You got this!

Wow. I cannt believe how many spouses were unsupportive in the beginning and all the way through. That's awful. You would think that if you had to count on anyone your splice would be it. I'll say that I'll support anyone out there who doesn't have it. Its all about health and well being not to try to get someone else or be smaller than someone else. Good luck to everyone!

Congrats Ellen ! Glad everything went well and you're home. I was lucky enough not to have a roommate but I've had them before so I do feel your pain. So happy your hubby is being so supportive. This is hard to do alone or with unsupportive families.

It's one thing when you see the same posts over and over again. That is bad enough. And yeah, plenty of people ask questions that could easily be answered with a simple search....that gets slightly old but it's not the end of the world. But what makes me want to go away is someone who is 2 weeks out of surgery, and over run with emotions and head hunger...cursing me out because I suggest that they not eat a cheeseburger just yet. Somehow that makes me an unsupportive ass. That really drives people away.

My husband was super supportive before surgery, helooked up the surgery on-line and learned about it. He and I both agreed that it would be best for me. I have to say that now that it is done, things are different. I don't want to say that he is unsupportive necessarily but he just doesn't realize a lot of my restrictions. He bought me a bottle yesterday (super nice) but it's a straw one and I can't drink out of a straw. He said oh I'll make rice for us the other day...I can't eat rice. I guess he just forgets a lot but sometimes it drives me crazy!? It makes me feel like he doesn't really care.