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I am so sorry you are going through this.... As a daughter of an alcoholic father....I feel your pain. However, he is responsible to fix his own problems. My dad had a reason to drink for every day of the week. If it wasn't tragedy Monday, it was joy Tuesday, or boredom on Wednesday, or that his boxers were too tight on Thursday...Friday...well that's the weekend...drinking so much he never got a hangover because he never truly sobered up. Never took ownership of his problem. It was torture growing up with that. I watched my mother for 25 years make excuse after excuse for his behavior and actions...while he but inhaled booze. She thought it was alright because he still provided for the family. Yes it is a disease and only one curable once they are convinced they have a problem. I prayed for years my parents would split because of the damaged it cause us all as a family. But she stayed, until the day he died an old age of 55. In my opinion, she enabled him to lead that life for never setting boundaries for herself or for us kids with him and never forcing him to choose booze or us. It took me many sessions in therapy to state that I resented her for that as much as him. Ok...wrong path here..this iss about you It is hard as hell watching someone you care about decline like that...but once it starts to be YOUR problem it is time to say, "you've got a problem, get help and I'll help you too...or if you don't I'm gone." You can help people mend, but you can't do it for them. They are always sorry after the fact, most are sincere when they say it. But sorry doesn't fix it...recovery does and if he is not willing to do that, then you honestly should move on.

Well, a life lesson for me again. Don't date an alcoholic. I've never known an alcoholic before. The man I've been dating the past 5 months is one. It snuck up on me, realizing how bad it is. We were together successfully 3 months when he lost his job, his brother died, and now his dad has prostate cancer. He's totally hit rock bottom and spends all day drinking. I've been trying to survive in the relationship. We've already broken up once and got back together recently. The first time we broke up, it was after I was spending the night at his house and in the middle of the night he got up to use the restroom and fell on me and almost broke my ribs. He is a pretty big guy (6 foot) and he was dead weight and I'm very tiny now. I was so bruised I could barely lift my arm. I broke up with him and then regretted it, missing him and the company. So I decided to give it another try thinking it was a one time thing. Then last night, I was at his house in bed and he got up, came back to sit down and sat down backwards too close to me, and the back of his head cracked into my face sooooooo hard, I thought my eyebrow was split. I cried and held my face for 15 minutes seeing stars with tears streaming down and shaking. I'm so surprised I don't have a black eye today. What is wrong with me that I can't leave this situation. I'm getting hurt and it's dangerous. Clearly he is sick and I have no business being in this. On top of all this, he is totally narcissistic and I find him rather irritating and boring. He doesn't ever talk with me about my life, only himself and his problems. Why am I still in this??????? The weird thing is that although he doesn't listen well, ask me questions or take and interest he is constant saying how much he loves me, adores me, how sexy and beautiful I am, how he wants to marry me and he also wants to have sex with me around the clock!!! Makes no sense.

Omg. Are you guys ready? Here I go!! 1. Guy shows up and he's nothing like his profile pictures. He's ugly and has a hairy back sticking out of his shirt. His voice is incredibly obnoxious and he spends most of the date talking about Kung fu movies. He talks me into going to sushi with him and I tell him, fine but I'm NOT hungry so I'll just watch you eat. We get there, and turns out he is one of those people that thinks Japanese sushi chefs will understand them better if they speak in a very loud pretend Japanese accent!! "Hewwwwo, we likey sushii yum yum pwease! Arigato!" Omg. The waitresses are rolling their eyes, and I am mortified having lived in Japan and being very aware how ridiculous this is! The ****** bag proceeds to order me a 16 piece of sushi plate and a shrimp head!! Omg. I can't eat it of course but I make myself sick trying because I can't stand to waste food and puke three times in the bathroom and to make it worse the a*****e drinks all my sake!!!! 2. I go out with this super cute guy. On our second date he takes me to a beautiful restaurant, delicious food, pulling out my chair, opening the car door, doing everything right! He is funny and charming and I'm loving it. Until. He gets this crazy look in his eyes and starts telling me with full conviction how he's got friends with special powers that can levitate things with their minds and see the future!!! Aha hahahha. 2. Go out to Breakfast with a guy. He's late but when he shows up he's kinda cute. So we sit down and we are chatting and he tells me about how he was part of a Christian cult for 12 years. ???? But he left it and I'm thinking okay at least he left it. I casually ask about his kids and he launches into everything about his ex wife and how three weeks ago!!!!! He finally had her arrested from their home for domestic abuse and she went to jail. Three weeks ago!!! f**k!!! I want to leave but I stay and damn sure he pays for breakfast. 4. Quick summery- the guy who offered to put his hand up my dress and grab my ass. The guy who showed up wearing lipstick. The gay cowboy. The nutlike guys who have me the entire histories of their alcoholic bulimic abusive ex-wives. The guys who bailed on their kids. The guys with no time at all for dating. The guy who had a compulsive spitting problem. The alcoholic. The guys who made me pay. Ugh. It's a scary world out there!!

I have Dr. Im stats: Age: 35 Height: 5'4.5" orientation weight: 401.5 pre surgery goal: 370 current weight: 364.5 weight lost: 37 lbs Once you go to the wls class/nutrition class combo, everything starts happening really quickly. Some of the changes they ask you to make are super hard, like not eating for 10 minutes after drinking or not drinking for an hour after eating, eat Protein first, no straws, gum, caffeine, carbonated beverages, or alcohol; but they seem to know what they're doing:) I am on FB, feel free to add me:)

Happy Friday! Today is my 4 Month Surgiversary. I have lost a total of 56 pounds, weighing in at 196, down from 252 pounds. I had no complications from surgery, and my recovery was ridiculously easy. I haven't gotten sick once, and have yet to eat something that my sleeve of steel doesn't tolerate. My doc had said that my sleeve was small, and was meant to hold 3 ounces. I can usually take in 4 or 5 ounces, which she says is fine and which I don't really understand, but I am trusting her on that). I run 2-3 miles, 4 times a week, try to follow a low-carb diet (not too strictly;I essentially just keep myself under 50g per day) of 1000 calories per day. I have a glass of red wine almost every night. I include this in my calorie count. If alcohol is considered a "cheat," then it is the only cheat I'm currently enjoying. I was required to quit a 30-year smoking habit several months before surgery and, to be honest, the pre and post op diets were an absolute cakewalk compared to giving up the cigarettes. But I'm nearly 8 months smoke free, and I'm thrilled to have gotten through the process unscathed. Although I've lost 56 pounds, I've been wearing the same pant size for the last 3 months; the waist on my size 18s still fit, but the legs, butt, hips are extremely saggy. I'm looking forward to getting into some more fitted size 16s, as I'm looking pretty sloppy at present. I feel great, and I look pretty darn great, too. I'm delighted I made the decision to have VSG. The results thus far have been wonderful!

No regrets. You should know that MOST of us can eat any type of food once we are a few months out. Some people imagine the sleeve will stop them from eating "bad" or unhealthy foods and for most of us we must choose to avoid those foods, the sleeve doesn't decide it for us. I do think it is normal to "miss" overeating/over indulging and the truth is you will find long term success (ie maintenance) once you have kind of mentally moved on from that desire. I do not mean to say any of us are perfect, but it is a pretty fundamental shift in priorities. Example, I used to have a daily ice cream habit. At some point, I had to ask myself how important that pleasure is vs the misery of obesity. I don't need alot of calories to maintain, so even years down the road i have to be quite mindful and regain if I start letting little things become habits. On the topic of cocktails - it is my opinion that you should generally avoid alcohol during the weight loss phase. I say it for a couple of reasons - but mostly because it is just plain emtpy calories and a lot of carbs. I also found it burned my tummy first time i had wine was about 3-4 months post op at a celebration party. Many of us have excess acid/tender tummies for the first few months and alcohol does NOT improve that situation. In maintenance, I do have alcohol but it is one of the items that can lead to regain. It is pretty easy to drink a few extra hundred calories here and there ... and it doesn't take much for the scale to start moving up. So, I think you will find over the long haul that having a cocktail occasionally is no problem - but you might want to avoid it until you are well established as a WLS veteran so to speak and then monitor how it works for you in maintenance. Good luck!

I had regrets in the first few weeks. That seems to be pretty common. When you are miserable and frustrated and wondering if you will ever feel "normal" again. But now, over a year out, definitely no regrets! Every once in a while, I will hear/see something about foods I used to love and have a brief moment of sadness that I can't enjoy them anymore, but that passes quickly. Notice I said "enjoy" them. That's because I am physically capable of eating anything at this point, but much of my enjoyment of things like pizza or Pasta or eating large meals out came from the sheer VOLUME of food I could eat, not necessarily the taste. So while I can eat those things now if I choose to, I don't enjoy them the way I used to, so I usually just skip them. As for cocktails, why couldn't you have those in the future? I was allowed alcohol at 3 months post-op and I do occasionally partake in social situations. I miss beer (can't have carbonation anymore), but I can have mixed drinks. I do get drunk VERY fast now. I'm a SUPER light-weight now. But, I also sober up really fast.

No regrets. I was never a big drinker before surgery, so I have never felt the need to drink to feel like I was enjoying life. I don't miss the occasional margarita, beer, or glass of wine that I used to have. You may be surprised how little you "need" alcohol to enjoy listening to your husband play. I really don't miss eating junk. I don't miss the cake and ice cream that the rest of the family ate last night at our impromptu picnic. I did allow myself one crescent roll with butter, but it was after I ate my Protein and some vegetables. For me, now that I have truly gotten the junk out of my system, I don't crave it and it doesn't appeal to me.

@@gowalking Good post. This is definitely interesting stuff to think about. I'd bet a lot of us never fully developed self-respect growing up. I grew up with an alcoholic mother with terrible boundaries. I didn't learn how distinguish between my own problems I needed to own and others' problems that I needed to let them own. I know a number of women with weight problems are survivors of sexual abuse, which is the ultimate way of taking away your voice. I had several crappy relationships both as a thin and overweight person. A couple years ago I saw a therapist who taught me all about boundaries and that I don't have to put up with other people's BS. That changed my life. I'd made a long-distance move for a job away from the place I'd been living for several years and loved. It looked like a good idea on paper, but I knew in my heart it was wrong for me. With my newfound courage, I got an even better job and moved back to that area I love. About eight months in, I learned about the bariatric center where I ended up having my surgery. I only told my dad, my best friend and my boyfriend at first and they all said they supported me. I had my dad tell the rest of my family first and he made sure they knew my mind was made up and I wouldn't tolerate any negative or inappropriate comments. Now I'm post-op and just trying to ride out the difficult time in the beginning. I know this is going to make me feel even healthier and more confident. Can't wait!

Nailed it. As I've said before, my tolerance for a------s went down in direct proportion to my weight loss. Additionally, I do now recognize that my crappy marriage was made crappy by two people, not just one big jerk. I didn't speak up because it was easier to go along. I didn't speak up because I didn't want to fight. I didn't push for time spent on my interests and friends because I didn't have the energy to deal with his pissy reactions. I let the emotional and mental and financial abuse continue, even against my kids, because I was afraid I would be financially helpless without him, and too scared to make a change. I ate to make these realities go away for a few hours a day. I didn't go out and socialize because I was embarrassed about who I had become. When I put down the fork, everything changed. No more buffer. No more anesthetic. No more tolerance. No more self medicating. I got out and didn't look back. But I came with me. And I learned in this past year that not only am I stronger than I ever had to be before, but I also still have a deeply rooted drive to self medicate all scary and bad feelings away. Last month, I corrected an alcohol problem before it ruined me. I, too, see a therapist and go to CODA and OA and now AA. I go to a Christian divorce group weekly and just started a smaller women's-only divorce group as well. It's a lot of appointments and meetings, but you know what? It beats the hell out of sitting on the couch at 302 pounds every night and eating myself into a food coma.

* TALL BOOTS --- Figures that this year when I *might* fit into tall boots, booties are in . I have a new pair of knee high boots still in the box from last Fall and have been too nervous to try them on. Status: Pending * FOOTBALL GAMES -- Status: Complete! Went to a football game and didn't care how far away we tailgated, climbed to nosebleed seats without gasping for air, didn't care I wasn't drinking alcohol and stuffing my face. * OLD COATS - Status: Complete! Went through my closet and got rid of the big coats and kept the cute jackets from years ago (yes, some are still in style ). I love this time of year! Especially when layers are acceptable - even though I don't need to hide as much!

I am four months out and I have a glass of red wine almost every night. My tolerance has not changed, nor have I suffered any ill effects from the alcohol. I do make sure to include the glass in my daily calorie tally. I have a few other friends who have had VSG, and they too enjoy a regular glass of wine.

immediately after surgery NO after a while...not a good idea. For one, since you're not getting as much food you will get drunk much faster and might not be aware of it. Also it's empty calories. you don't need alcohol to enjoy yourself

Yes. The question is SHOULD you. Alcohol after surgery can cause a few problems. 1. Addiction transfer- if you have a food addiction prior to surgery, it's a lot easier to move from one addiction to another when you can't compulsively eat anymore 2. The way your body processes alcohol after surgery is a lot different. Most people lose their tolerance and are flat out drunk after a few sips. So don't ever drink and drive after surgery. Not even one drink. For someone who is alcohol sensitive after surgery ONE alcoholic drink to a bypass patient is the same as almost SIX to someone who hasn't had the surgery. Your blood alcohol % flies through the roof really quick. Some people have no problem with it but most can't drink like they use to. 3. It's calories. As fun as drinking is (I'm 22 so I've only drank for a year and now I have given it up which is hard with my social life), it's not a necessity. My program has a flat out no alcohol for a year policy but not everyone is like that. I'm not taking the risk alcohol after surgery can bring so I plan on waiting a couple years.

can you drink alcohol after the surgery

First, a disclaimer: I plan to have a glass of wine at Thanksgiving. So I'm not apposed to alcohol, especially in moderation. But I've read a couple of research studies on alcohol use with RNY patients. First, one glass of alcohol (any kind) generally hits us like 4 glasses of that alcohol did pre-surgery. So if you drink, don't drive. Second, there is a much higher incidence of alcoholism with RNY patients than with the population as a whole. Research is not clear on why, but speculation is it may be transference (can't binge on food anymore, so binge on alcohol). I'm not suggesting any of this will affect you, just pointing out the research, and why doctors are generally wary of RNY patients drinking much.

Caffeinated coffee and alcohol are the two items where opinions are most varied. I think personal prejudices and philosophies play a large part in these disparate opinions. I was cleared to drink both regular coffee and alcohol, both in moderation, one month after surgery. I drink regular coffee every morning but have not yet tried having an alcoholic beverage but I will soon.

Glad to hear I am not the only weirdo-magnet out there. I'm a little older than you and I believe in the 50-something age range, its even worse. The "I love you" on the second date guys...the alcoholics... etc. I also believe if a guy has never been married by this time, there is a reason.

Men are always talking about how there are so many crazy women out there. I've been single a year and it seems like the world is FULL of crazy men!!! Not women!! Or is it just people in general? Geeze I thought I had problems. I go out with a guy twice and he's ready to marry me. I date an alcoholic and fall in love with him. I hear endless stories about crazy exes. What are people willing to settle for these days? Is it my age? (35) Is it that I'm online dating?? I have guys yelling at because I don't text them fast enough. I have guys who are completely emotionally stunted. What the hell????

I had my psych evaluation today too. Passed....yeah. First I had to take two test. First was about a 100 true or false questions mostly making sure I wasn't CRAZY...Lol. Second test was best answer out of 5 statements of about 10 questions making sure I'm not an alcoholic gosh didn't think I was going back to school....then to the psych Doctor. We had a conversation about my children. Seeing what kind of support system I have. Who in my family knows about my decision. How long I have been struggling being overweight. What other systems have I tried losing weight. He made sure I knew about exercising, drinking enough Water and Vitamins after my procedure. It wasn't too bad. He suggested that I start now trying out Protein supplements to see what I like. I hadn't even thought about it. Does anyone know if they have samples that one can try before purchasing a huge portion of protein powders or liquids? Congrats on passing your eval @@losing2win

OMG Nutter Butters! I used to be able to polish off a whole package in a day or 2. Yeah, those wouldn't be allowed in my house anymore! It was bad enough yesterday that my husband had bought some pastries for his work crew in the morning, along with some chocolate donut holes. They were calling my name, but I resisted! Sometimes I feel like an addict or alcoholic. I have to just take it one day, even one minute, at a time.

Sorry - long. My 6 month + "rules": Important Rules: 1. Eat only three small meals a day of 1/2 to a maximum of 1 cup food per meal. Some individuals may need an additional small meal or snack of Protein rich foods to meet their nutritional needs. There is no painless way to melt the pounds away. Total calories eaten must be less than your total calories expended in order to lose weight and maintain weight loss. 2. Stop eating as soon as you begin to feel full. Overeating may cause you to vomit or stretch your pouch and decrease the effectiveness of your surgery. Indications of fullness are:  A feeling of pressure or fullness in the center just below your rib cage.  A feeling of nausea.  Pain in your shoulder area or upper chest. 3. Eat slowly and chew food thoroughly. Chew each bit 20 to 30 times before swallowing to incorporate salvia and begin the digestion process. A meal should take 20 to 30 minutes to eat. 4. Do not eat between meals. Eat meals at regular times. Eat at the dining room or kitchen table. 5. Do not drink liquids 30 minutes before or during a meal. Wait 1 hour after a meal to start drinking. 6. Drink enough fluids during the day. Goal is 8-9 cups (64-72 ounces) minimum. Plan your Fluid intake. You may not always be able to drink when thirsty. Sip all beverages slowly. 7. Drink only low-calorie liquids. No carbonated beverages, sparking Water, beer, alcohol, tobacco and caffeinated beverages are allowed, as they will cause gaseous distention, pouch stretching, irritation, and nausea. No high-calorie drinks such as milkshakes, Cappuccino, cream based Soups, or fruit smoothies are allowed. These calorie dense liquids have poor nutritional value, lead to unsuccessful weight loss, and do not provide a feeling of fullness. 8. Eat only good quality food. Remember to start a meal with Proteins first. No high-calorie, low-nutrient foods such as cakes, Cookies, pies, candy, pastries, gravies, high-fat snack foods like chips, regular jellies & jams, honey, sugar, ice cream, etc. are allowed. Keep total fat intake below 30-40 grams per day. Read labels for fat and calorie content. No high fat meals such as salami, bologna, bacon, and sausage. They contain more fat and less high quality protein. No fried foods. 9. Bake, broil, boil, grill, steam, or roast are ways to cook your food instead of frying to cut down on fat calories. BEWARE – you may have problems tolerating high-fat, greasy foods after surgery. Season foods with herbs and spices instead of creams, sauces, and fats. Marinate meats to tenderize, flavor and moisten. 10. Have a meal plan in mind when eating away from home. Beware of buffets and salad bars. Share a meal or ask for a “doggie bag”. 11. Prepare a shopping list and stick to it! Shop after you eat. Avoid your eating triggers. 12. Exercise at least 30 minutes each day. Walking is the best exercise. Exercise may be in small 5-10 minutes increments per day. Make exercise a part of your daily routine. Up to 60 minutes per day is best. 13. Keep a daily food and exercise diary. Record amount/type of foods eaten, length of time taken to eat and any triggers that cause over eating – boredom, angry, lonely, etc. Avoid excess TV and computer time. Guide for Daily Eating Provides 1000 to 1400 calories and 50 to 60 grams of protein. Plan for about ½ cup of food at each meal, over time, no more than 1 cup. meat & Bean Group (Protein): 4 to 6 ounces each day. Serving size 1 ounce equals 55-75 calories, 6-8 grams of protein. 1 ounce of lean meat, poultry, or fish, 1 egg, ¼ cup cooked very soft dry Beans. Eat 2 to 3 ounces at a meal. Milk Group: 4 choices each day. Serving size ½ cup equals 40 to 50 calories, 4 grams of protein. Serving size ½ cup: Skim or 1% milk, sugar free yogurt, 1ounce 2% or Fat-Free natural cheese or processed cheese. Do not drink dairy fluids with a meal. Vegetable Group: 1 to 1.5 cups each day. Serving size ½ cup equals 25 calories, 2 grams protein Includes fresh, frozen, canned and vegetable juices. Use caution with high Fiber vegetables like corn, peas, and celery, skins and seeds that may block the outlet. Fruit Group: 1 cup each day. Serving size ½ cup equals 60 calories, 0 grams protein Includes fresh, frozen without sugar, canned without sugar, and 100% fruit juices. Chew fruit with skins, seeds, and membranes extra well, or peel, remove seeds and membranes, or cut into small pieces. Juices pass through your outlet without causing fullness. Try to limit 100% real juice to ½ cup or 4 ounces (diluted) a day as part of your liquids. Grain Group: 3 to 4 ounces or equivalent each day. Serving size 1 ounce equals 80 calories, 1 to 3 grams protein. Includes all foods made from wheat, rice, oats, cornmeal, barley or rye such as bread, Pasta, cooked cereals, unsweetened Breakfast cereals, tortillas, and grits. 1 slice of bread, ½ bun, 1 cup ready-to-eat Cereal, or ½ cup cooked rice, pasta or cooked cereal can be considered as 1 ounce equivalent. Choose whole grains with at least 2 grams of fiber per ounce. Note: some patients have difficulty eating bread or any doughy bread product. Try toasting whole grain bread, use whole grain crackers, pasta, and cereals. Try brown rice, chew well, and mix with a vegetable. Eat this group last and after protein, vegetable, and fruit groups at a meal. Fat Group: 3 teaspoons. Serving size 1 teaspoon equals 45 calories, 0 grams protein. Include fats that are liquid at room temperature, such as olive, canola, corn, soybean, or sunflower oil. Some foods are naturally high in oils, like nuts, olives, some fish, and avocados. Limit intake of mayonnaise, low fat salad dressings and soft margarines. A small amount from this group helps to lessen dryness of skin and hair.

@@shawneedragon it sounds as though you're at a place of real honesty about your addiction to alchol and the effect that has had on your life. That is a starting point to turn it all around. I hope you're able to find the resources you need -- whether that is therapy, a psychiatrist to help with the medication issues so you are not self-medicating, AA meetings -- whatever it takes. Know that you are worthy and deserving of all good things. You can do this. Recovery is hard work and it's something that has to be dealt with every single day, but, as they say, it's one day at a time. Here you are. That's a great first step. Good luck with all. Eating disorder is so dificult to address because, of course, one has to eat -- unlike drug addiction, smoking or alcohol. Take good care of yourself!

Mostly water, diet cranberry juice when I was in and out the hospital, and today I had diet raspberry Snapple for the first time and I loved it! I also drink lemonade crystal light sometimes. No alcohol for me, I'm only 5 weeks post op and have no desire at this time.

Sorry you have all these struggles, and that your family is being so monumentally insensitive and mean. The fact is, while they can be as supportive as possible, they will never truly know exactly what you're going through, exactly how hard you have worked to get here, and how much you are having to endure right now. The only solace I can offer is to tell you that it WILL get better. It will only get easier from here on out, physically. Emotionally... well, that's what we are all here for. No one understands the pain and struggles of an alcoholic the way another alcoholic does, and the same is true for us. Right now, everything sucks and hurts and feels really difficult. But where you are now is a place you've worked so, so hard to get, and no one can take that away from you. People who have not experienced obesity and wls have NO idea just how hard the struggle is, just how much you've had to sacrifice in the name of your health and well-being. Soon, you'll be feeling as well as you did before surgery, and then you'll be feeling better than that, and then better than that... We're here for you. Take care of yourself, take your pain meds when you need them, rest when you need to, stop walking and sit down when you are too tired or in too much pain to continue. This is not a race and pushing yourself because of the pressure your family is putting on you will only hurt you. Everything will be so, so much better soon. Take care.