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I've posted something similar to what I'm about to write elsewhere on here, but I'll keep posting it when I see one of these posts come up: I loved smoking. I started when I was 15 and smoked through the next couple of decades without quitting for any real length of time. I enjoyed it, and I was pretty pissed at the idea of quitting for this surgery. I only smoked around 6-8 cigs a day, and technically was a light smoker... but after so many years, even light smokers experience issues with tiny capillaries dying off, cold fingers and toes and weird nerve issues, wheezing and coughing and are more prone to colds and flu and all the other horrible things that come with smoking ~any~ cigarettes. So I quit. Here is what I realized: I'm having this surgery to make my life better, to be healthy, to live longer and really enjoy the time I have left on this planet. Smoking is in direct opposition to all of those goals. Smoking - and I count vaping in there too since the early results on vaping are not looking good for long term health - is one of the few things that is guaranteed to do major harm to your body and kill you in the end if you use the product as intended. Think about that for a minute. There is no reason to smoke. It is bad for you, it hurts your lungs, your circulation and hampers healing. Smoking before or after having major surgery is beyond stupid (I'm saying this as part of my own self talk, not calling you specifically stupid). The ONLY reason any one smokes is because it is addictive. If you smoke or vape - you are an addict, same as an alcoholic or a drug user. Quitting is the only smart, rational option ESPECIALLY before having a serious, life altering surgery like a sleeve or bypass. I miss it almost every single day, and I just celebrated (yesterday!) my one year quit anniversary. I tell myself that I can always smoke again someday, just not right now... and hope that I can keep telling myself "maybe tomorrow" for the rest of my life. But I am damned proud I took my life back and no longer depend on those evil things, even if I still miss them. It's part of being an addict. I know what I am, and admit I'm probably always going to have that struggle, but I'll be damned if they'll ever control my life that way again. You are doing this to improve your life, so take that step further and really commit to giving your body the best possible chance, and quit smoking as well. You deserve to be the best you that you can be, and smoking should not be a part of that.
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May I also tactfully suggest you don't sleep with a man until, and unless, he has shown you his true nature and really committed to you. That might mean waiting until remarriage (my preference) or at least waiting until things are much more committed. Why would you give an intimate part of yourself to someone that you didn't want around your children? I may be old-fashioned now, but looking back to my teen/20's years I was desperate for someone to love me (child of an alcoholic father and distant mom) and gave myself away (body and soul) to several undeserving men (boys!), including my soon-to-be-ex husband. My 14 yo dd came home from school the other day with a link to a TED talk about relationships they were supposed to watch for health class. I think it's an excellent talk and recommend it for anyone in the dating games https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jodhovumkHQ I finally watched this video. What great advise. I wish I could have heard this 30 plus years ago (and payed attention). It could have saved many years of heartache.
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Oct 21st sleevers..
newlifenewsong replied to alejcerra's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I had my pre-op appointment on Wednesday and I 'only' have to do the pre-op diet for 10 days: 3 shakes a day (Vanilla Bariatric Advantage) that I can mix with Water, almond milk, or low-fat milk; 2 plain non-fat yoghurts of no more than 100 calories each, and sugar-free jell-o or ice lollies to snack on if I feel like it. I'll switch to Clear liquids only 48 hours before the surgery, have 2tbsp of milk of magnesia the day before, and nothing to eat or drink from midnight on the 20th until the 22nd by the sounds of it: my surgery is scheduled for the afternoon of the 21st. The advice I got was no caffeine or alcohol at least 24 hours before, but I already cut both out earlier this week. I'm also avoiding carbonated drinks (even though I could have anything sugar-free if I felt like it), to get used to the post-op restriction. So far (1 day!!), so good but I did notice that every other ad on TV seems to be for food -
I'm willing to bet most on this web site have had similar experiences to yours, I know I have. Going through this weight loss journey seems to be a series of realizations including ones relationship with food. Boredom, anxiety, are familiar reasons to self soothe with food. My own realization was that I often medicated uncomfortable emotions with food and yes, alcohol. I had to find other ways to occupy myself and acknowledge my dependence on food and alcohol. My ha is and dependence were unhealthy for me and causing detrimental effects on my health. It's a good thing when you find healthier replacements. I had to focus on how was I going to prepare for life after surgery and improve how I coped with my emotions by talking about them or dealing with them. This is a great forum for that!
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Sounds like when he's telling you how sexy and fabulous you are, that feels really amazing and maybe, just maybe its been awhile since you've had someone do that? I don't know... I don't know you, but when we have such conflicted emotions it's generally not really about what's going on right in front of us. It's about something deeper. You, for instance can plainly tell us that he's boring, narcissistic, an alcoholic, and he's injured you twice now to the point that you've decided to reach out here on this site. I'm so glad you did... But even though you have the evidence right in front of your eyes, you feel conflicted... That's the "deeper" part... and that part isn't about him. It's about you. Are you worried you won't find anyone else who will tell you how sexy and fabulous you are? Is it that you feel like you've really put your heart and soul into this guy for 5 long months now so don't want to give up? Where did that lesson come from, that you should stay despite it not being positive? See where I'm going... look into yourself. He has shown you who he is. When people show you who they are, believe them. Now, go find who you are. I'm pretty sure you're going to like who you find. And.. there will be a gazillion other guys out there who will tell you so too.
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@@flokismom - Just be sure to use the sugar free syrups. There is sugar alcohol in them which bothers some people, but a little goes a LONG way.
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I was in an abusive relationship with an addict(drugs/alcohol) for many years until I had a loaded gun to my head and woke up for my kids. I got out of that relationship and found the man of my dreams. We had our issues but he's loving and kind and I was 300+ pounds and he still loved me for me. We're going on 10 years next week and I'm so glad I walked away from that mess I was with before. There is a better man for you. Don't sell yourself short.
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We're almost twins! I was 245 at surgery and am at 178 today. No exercise. I am discouraged and mad at myself for not taking full advantage of the honeymoon phase, which I fear is over. I've let some bad habits creep back in - sugar, alcohol, carbs. Still losing but only 1-2 lbs per month. I'm recommitting this week...getting rid of the bad stuff and trying to get to goal once and for all!Well, it looks like you and I are going to have to encourage each other!! Where do you live? I'm in Iowa Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk
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We're almost twins! I was 245 at surgery and am at 178 today. No exercise. I am discouraged and mad at myself for not taking full advantage of the honeymoon phase, which I fear is over. I've let some bad habits creep back in - sugar, alcohol, carbs. Still losing but only 1-2 lbs per month. I'm recommitting this week...getting rid of the bad stuff and trying to get to goal once and for all!
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What you're feeling is completely normal at your phase. Please believe me, it gets better as your progress to eating more normal food. Try not to isolate yourself! It's super hard at first to see everyone enjoying food and alcohol around you, but as you progress to different foods, it will get easier. I think most of us felt the way you do at first, but it gets better! Hang in there! Why do you feel you're disappointing your husband?
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Maybe I'm an alcoholic?
newmebithebypass replied to likeamazing's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
Honestly comming from the prospective of the daughter of two addicts you don't sound like an alcoholic you sound like someone who is afraid their social life will change because much of it is engrained with alcohol in the foreground -
Maybe I'm an alcoholic?
MeMe8264 replied to likeamazing's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I'm with Babbs. You don't seem like an alcoholic to me at all. You are a person who loves the taste of wine. I am a person who loves the taste of beer. I, too, had misgivings about giving up my tasty beer. So, I waited until after my Cancun vacation and had a goodbye beer celebration. Now, I'm on day three of my pre-op diet and I'm ok with not having a drop of beer for the next eight weeks. Afterwards, of course, will be only able to handle a little bit. But mostly I've made up my mind to give it up along with all of the other tastes (food) that I need to give up to lose weight and get healthy. All in all, my advice is to wait until you're ready to say goodbye to wine. If that means waiting until afterNew Year's Eve, then so be it. You do what is right for you. It's your choice. -
Maybe I'm an alcoholic?
Babbs replied to likeamazing's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
From what you're saying, I personally think you're going through the normal grieving process like we all do with food, except you're doing it with alcohol. I don't think you sound like an alcoholic at all. Keep in mind, just like when we advise people about having "food funerals", you will be able to enjoy your wine in moderation down the road again, so don't think you won't. Get to your goal weight and implement your enjoyment of wine as part of your maintenance plan. In moderation, of course. If you feel you want to get it out of your system, by all means postpone the surgery until you feel you're ready to make the life changes needed for this surgery to be successful. -
Maybe I'm an alcoholic?
likeamazing replied to likeamazing's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
Yes, I'll be talking to my therapist soon. The only sign pointing to alcoholism is my reluctance to just commit to moving forward without it, because I really do love the many varieties and flavored of wine. I take vacations to vineyards and attend tastings, and socially it's so much apart of who I am. I love the ambiance and the culture that surrounds wine drinking. I have moments when I'm tired and defeated and want a glass of wine, and this social life has been my family, and my crutch. I don't get drunk, almost never. Two glasses and I'm done, 90% of time. My mother has worked in administration for an alcohol rehab hospital for 40 years, so I know about alcoholism and it's broad definition. I'm just astonished that in all my pre-op reading, therapy sessions and mental preparation it never came up until I was given the green light and figured why I've yet to hit the gas petal. -
You are not over reacting. Let me put it a different way....does it really matter if all alcoholics fall down and crush loved ones on a regular basis? Yours does, and it is unclear in m mind if you are actually a"loved one" or a person he can manipulate. I meant what I said- even if he weren't a very serious alcoholic his way of treating you is not good. Even if he quit drinking today, he doesn't sound like a good boyfriend. I know totally what you mean about not meeting someone that attracts you. I have found it difficult as many I meet are neither physically attractive nor have engaging personalities. Like you, I want a man in my life (I've done my single stint!) but I cannot emphasize enough that a boyfriend should compliment your life and add something good and special, not drag you down, treat you poorly or crush you physically. Even if all you want is "Mr. Right Now" you should still hold out for someone awesome, fun,kind, and SAFE. So I'm not overreacting that this is crazy? I mean, it's a queen size bed!!! How can he fall on me and almost crack my skull like that!! So not all alcoholics can barely walk when they drink? I've never been around one before.
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Maybe I'm an alcoholic?
animallover1247 replied to likeamazing's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
I wouldn't schedule the surgery until you have gone through some counseling over the alcohol issue.I think drinking after surgery is a very,very slippery slope. One issue is your body doesn't process alcohol in the same way and you get drunk much quicker. I can't say if you are an addict now or not but if you start to drink after surgery, there is a huge likelihood you will become an addict based on the information you have given. I even discussed this same issue with my therapist...trading one addition for another. i don't drink at all now so the way for me to avoid not becoming an alcohol is to never pick up the first drink. However, you drink now and it sounds as if you still intend on drinking at some point after surgery. Please get some counseling, discuss this with your surgeon... do SOMETHING to address this before surgery is scheduled. I wish you all the best! -
Maybe I'm an alcoholic?
Inner Surfer Girl replied to likeamazing's topic in PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A
"I don't drink everyday, and I don't drink alone, but I drink pretty often because I'm lonely and alcohol soothes that pain." I don't have a love for drinking, my addiction is food, but I have loved an alcoholic. This statement alone sends up a major red flag. I highly recommend you visit a local AA meeting. Even if it turns out you aren't an alcoholic you will learn a great deal. If you are, it can save your life. -
Go to AL anon it is a place for loved ones or family members of alcoholics or addicts. Just attend for a little while and I think it will help you and him immensely.
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So I'm not overreacting that this is crazy? I mean, it's a queen size bed!!! How can he fall on me and almost crack my skull like that!! So not all alcoholics can barely walk when they drink? I've never been around one before.Ever heard the term "Falling down drunk?" Yeah. My mom was an alcoholic. She used to hurt herself all the time because she was too drunk to walk. Luckily, she never hurt any of us. Physically at least. Almost killed us a couple times driving, too.
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May I also tactfully suggest you don't sleep with a man until, and unless, he has shown you his true nature and really committed to you. That might mean waiting until remarriage (my preference) or at least waiting until things are much more committed. Why would you give an intimate part of yourself to someone that you didn't want around your children? I may be old-fashioned now, but looking back to my teen/20's years I was desperate for someone to love me (child of an alcoholic father and distant mom) and gave myself away (body and soul) to several undeserving men (boys!), including my soon-to-be-ex husband. My 14 yo dd came home from school the other day with a link to a TED talk about relationships they were supposed to watch for health class. I think it's an excellent talk and recommend it for anyone in the dating games https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jodhovumkHQ
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@@bellabloom Get out now! Honestly you can do better, you are worth it! More importantly, you cannot fix him if that is what you are thinking. He has to fix himself and clearly he doesn't think he needs fixing. Trust me, I have been around alcoholics my whole life. My step dad, grandfather, sister n law and now my oldest son. They have to want to fix the problem themselves. You on the other hand can do something about this situation now. Walk out and get on with your life! You will not be alone but you need time to get your head focused on who you are. I wish you the best of luck, please don't continue to abuse yourself in this manner. You are worth so much more! Hold out for your real true love, he is out there waiting for you!
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Hello! I'm new. I'm preparing for VSG surgery, Im approved and just need to select my date. If I could select tomorrow I would, I'm soooooo ready. Or at least I thought so. I'm stalled, because my 40th birthday is 1 month away, and I have friends flying in from around the country to Celebrate, which complicates any liquid pre-op diet. I know I could manage the liquids, but it the no alcohol that gets my panties in a twist. I never realized until now how important wine is to me. It actually makes me a little sad, nervous and depressed to consider going months without a drink. I don't drink everyday, and I don't drink alone, but I drink pretty often because I'm lonely and alcohol soothes that pain. And then the holidays begin. I don't really care about missing out on food, but the social settings are going to be a real challenge. Maybe I should do my surgery in early January? But putting it off makes me I feel like I'm not really ready for the compromises and commitment it takes. Does that mean I'm an alcoholic? Does that mean I'm not as ready as I think I am? Or am I just going through the first stage of grief? Something that I never considered until now... And it's kinda flipped my world. Love to know how sleevers with a love for drinking socially have fared?
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Going to a wedding today...halp?
Mega_100 replied to Mega_100's topic in Gastric Sleeve Surgery Forums
Sorry, should have mentioned that my preop diet is liquids only. Stomach issues is a good one though. Hopefully no one notices (no alcohol + stomach problems = pregnancy assumptions). -
Run. Get out of this relationship now. He does not love you he loves alcohol. You can't change him. You said yourself he is narcissistic and you find him boring. What happens if he really did hurt you? Please get out now. Alcoholics are very good at playing the guilt game and they are fantastic liars. They only care about themselves when they want to drink and use the "woe is me" to get people to stay. Don't fall for it. Cut him loose from your life. No calls, no texts, etc.
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So I'm not overreacting that this is crazy? I mean, it's a queen size bed!!! How can he fall on me and almost crack my skull like that!! So not all alcoholics can barely walk when they drink? I've never been around one before.
