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I would agree with what everyone has said about finding a different therapist. It can take a few tries to find someone who is a good fit. Don't feel bad about switching therapists; that is something they are used to and the will not be offended. You could also try a support group for alcohol use. Many people use AA, but there are probably others if AA is not your cup of tea. Try to take it one day at a time, can you go today without a drink? If you find yourself wanting a drink, can you distract yourself with a walk or an exercise video or a hot bath or shower? Good luck!

I walked away from cigarettes November of 2016 then booze a few months later. I was already over 300 lbs and I knew I had to start somewhere. I've been reading up on addiction transfer and it's real. This is not specific to the subject but might help get you started: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/19033853-the-emotional-first-aid-kit?from_search=true&from_srp=true&qid=Ubhhurkvj4&rank=2 I'm also still fighting with what I call the "munchie monster" and I'm still working through my childhood traumas. I'm also re-reading Atomic Habits by James Clear and trying to incorporate little changes in my daily routine to ensure these habits and/or rituals become second nature. Alcohol destroyed my dad as it has many others. I hope you can find away to address what's really going on and start walking down a healthier path. I'm here to vent to or talk to if you need .

First of all, I am so, SO proud of you for naming it out loud and asking for help. That is the biggest, hardest step and you did it! You need to know your feelings are completely valid. Trauma, chronic pain, massive weight loss - those are all HUGE things to deal with and everything you're feeling is normal. If your current therapist isn't helping, it may be time to look for a new one. You can try PsychologyToday. com or call your insurance for a list of in-network providers and see who might specialize in PTSD and disordered eating/addiction. Transfer addiction is a real thing, it happens to a lot of bariatric patients, and you are not alone. Do you have any hobbies or past times you enjoy? Are you engaging in those or other forms of regular self care? If not, maybe try and work in some of those things. You deserve to have rest and downtime, but getting it via alcohol won't serve you in the long-term. You are worthy of health and happiness and taking small steps that align to those will make all the difference in the world. We are cheering you on.

My heart goes out to you. Please find a new better counselor that'll help you and keep regular two week appointments or something to stay in check. Check with your insurance plan to see if they cover addiction recovery programs. I suffer from Clinical Depression and Anxiety Disorder, so I know about using food to mask/treat my problems and while that's not alcohol like you're talking about (I don't drink) it's a similar "addiction" and coping mechanism. I take antidepressants and participate in regular counseling.

I am post op bypass 13 months ( surgery was 10/07/2020) ) and am I now drinking alcohol every night . I have gained back a few pounds Like 8 and am scared to death. I feel like I am heading back toward terrible habits and need to regain back control now. I am working with a Psychologist that's not very good for PTSD issues and major depressive disorder. I have got control of that but I have now a new problem= alcohol! A year ago, I would never think of drinking on a week night or much at all but now it's become my new addiction and it leads to me over eating and then the dreaded weight gain. I have now drank every night for the past two months and I can't seem too let it go. This had never been me before as my family is filled with alcoholics and I could never understand it and now I do? It kills pain and drowns out so much. It definitely affects me differently after surgery and takes very little to have any affect at all. I am drunk or affected at sip 3. It is such a great escapism and good lord with Covid and the way of the world all I want to do is escape in a legal way and alcohol is legal. I am on disability and have a lot of pain issues and the doctors and psych's try to say its a lot mental / PTSD/ Stress related but they haven't lived in my body. I have had over 15 surgeries and have had many scars and all kinds of mesh - They don't live this body and don't feel my pain. They tell me I need to learn to live with it. Well hell , I am doing the best I can and alcohol does a great job of dimming that. But I know I need to find a better answer and am looking to my community as I know I can't be alone in my pain or journey. My New Year's resolution is to get back to that person that doesn't drink in response to pain. That learns to deal with it. That get's her weight under control in the meantime. Sending out an SOS to my community and asking for good advice or just shared empathy to know I am not the only one and that we do not travel on this journey alone.

I am post op bypass 13 months ( surgery was 10/07/2020) ) and am I now drinking alcohol every night . I have gained back a few pounds Like 8 and am scared to death. I feel like I am heading back toward terrible habits and need to regain back control now. I am working with a Psychologist that's not very good for PTSD issues and major depressive disorder. I have got control of that but I have now a new problem= alcohol! A year ago, I would never think of drinking on a week night or much at all but now it's become my new addiction and it leads to me over eating and then the dreaded weight gain. I have now drank every night for the past two months and I can't seem too let it go. This had never been me before as my family is filled with alcoholics and I could never understand it and now I do? It kills pain and drowns out so much. It definitely affects me differently after surgery and takes very little to have any affect at all. I am drunk or affected at sip 3. It is such a great escapism and good lord with Covid and the way of the world all I want to do is escape in a legal way and alcohol is legal. I am on disability and have a lot of pain issues and the doctors and psych's try to say its a lot mental / PTSD/ Stress related but they haven't lived in my body. I have had over 15 surgeries and have had many scars and all kinds of mesh - They don't live this body and don't feel my pain. They tell me I need to learn to live with it. Well hell , I am doing the best I can and alcohol does a great job of dimming that. But I know I need to find a better answer and am looking to my community as I know I can't be alone in my pain or journey. My New Year's resolution is to get back to that person that doesn't drink in response to pain. That learns to deal with it. That get's her weight under control in the meantime. Sending out an SOS to my community and asking for good advice or just shared empathy to know I am not the only one and that we do not travel on this journey alone.

I just turned 52 and I still haven't grown up. I have also been kicked in the head several times by life as most of us had and as you, didn't care how I looked. At least that's what I've told myself. I'm now 13 months post op and I'm in a much better place physically and mentally but the battle is still being fought. I think now it's time to embrace the battle itself and the process and table any per-conceived notions of a "destination". I've walked away from alcohol and tobacco a few years before deciding to go on the path I'm on now. I also struggle with the stress/boredom/habitual eating monsters. What I try to do now is acknowledge these things and try my best to see them as they come and hopefully do something that moves me in a healthier direction. Life will continue to kick us but this is when we can decide what we're going to do about it. Remember, our kids are watching us... and my hope is they get strength and love from watching us get back up. I hope your wife improves her health, as do you. Much love, -D After thinking about my reply for the last couple days.... I did not mean to come off as cold or indifferent so I apologize if that's how my typed words came across. Regardless of what I or anyone else says, you are a bada$$ for doing what you are doing. Getting healthy for your self and your family shows how much of a rock star you really are.

That is an amazing loss, you are definitely doing something right! I am also not too focused on weight loss at the moment, or should I say I wasn't - going to get back into it, been giving away all the chocolate and alcohol I was given over Christmas and New Year (I'll admit I did sample some of them 😉) I think I have had one piece of pizza since surgery, potato chips are my weakness but i always measure out a serving - like 14 chips and do not over do it. I'm not a sweet person, very savory and salty is my way to go. Happy New Year

I just turned 52 and I still haven't grown up. I have also been kicked in the head several times by life as most of us had and as you, didn't care how I looked. At least that's what I've told myself. I'm now 13 months post op and I'm in a much better place physically and mentally but the battle is still being fought. I think now it's time to embrace the battle itself and the process and table any per-conceived notions of a "destination". I've walked away from alcohol and tobacco a few years before deciding to go on the path I'm on now. I also struggle with the stress/boredom/habitual eating monsters. What I try to do now is acknowledge these things and try my best to see them as they come and hopefully do something that moves me in a healthier direction. Life will continue to kick us but this is when we can decide what we're going to do about it. Remember, our kids are watching us... and my hope is they get strength and love from watching us get back up. I hope your wife improves her health, as do you. Much love, -D

Exactly. Remember also we, all have a natural weight fluctuation, we just notice it more now because we ‘re more vigilant with weighing ourselves & recording our weight. I’ve discovered my natural fluctuation is a kilogram (2.2lbs). Any more or less & I reflect on what I’ve eaten or not eaten. Has my water intake been more or less? Did I have some alcohol? Am I constipated? Am I peeing more or less? … Should say I’m maintaining & am pretty vigilant but the principle is the same. If you’re still losing & your weight loss trend is still downwards your golden. If you’re maintaining, reflect on your last week & see what next week brings. Three pounds may be your natural fluctuation. Congrats on your weight loss. Whoo hoo.

Mine was a joke. They didn’t even ask about my eating. Seemed like more of a formality than anything. They are supposed to pickup on any untreated issues like mental illness, drug or alcohol abuse or eating disorders.

I'm not going to pee on your leg and tell you it's raining. You have to change your approach to food. It's vital. If you don't change your "old eating style", you will not succeed. It doesn't mean eliminate things, it means WAY smaller portions, sometimes to the point where it's not worth buying, say, separate steaks for you and your partner. At three months post-surgery, I literally could not finish a 28 ounce lobster tail before it went bad. If I'm REALLY lucky and my stomach is 100 percent empty, I can get 4-5 ounces of protein down before my restriction kicks in, and then it's hours before I want to eat again. Yesterday I made a pound of ground turkey breast into burgers, intending to eat half in one meal and half in another. I made it through four ounces of the stuff and was vaguely nauseated all day. You will have to eat your protein first, then your vegetables, then your starches. No exceptions. So if you get surf-n-turf, you might get two ounces of lobster and an ounce or so of wagyu down (I have trouble eating much steak, which is a shame given that steak is what I do), and you MIGHT have room for a few bites of vegetables, and MAYBE a bite or two of baked potato. And I mean little bites. If I get 2 oz. of rice or potato down, it's a lot. And I eat much more than your typical bariatric post-op patient because of how active I am. You also are going to have to give up, at least temporarily, drinking anything with dinner except maybe a sip or two of water to help drier proteins go down. That means no wine with dinner. Once you're used to how to eat, and once you're cleared for alcohol, a sip or two isn't going to kill you, but you simply won't have room for both wine and food even if you drink the wine first. I nursed a glass of Barolo for almost three hours in Vegas. tl;dr you can eat kind of whatever, but because you have so little room, you must prioritize your eating so you don't get sick, weak, or anæmic.

Great guys room thread! Foodie here in the sense I can cook and spend an ungodly amount of cash on dining out in restaurants. Still do. There's amazing lower-fat options (needed for my surgery), and suddenly I'm pretty happy the veggie wave is rolling over us. For me, dining out isn't about how much food I can eat. It's the total experience of sharing a meal and a glass or two of wine with friends or family. And that hasn't changed one bit. I can drink less, but I make room for alcohol in my calorie count. It all works out.

I got RNY 04/2017. HW: 226, LW: 150, CW: 195 I did all of the right things until I had transfer addiction in 2019 and started drinking daily. It escalated and I was a full blown alcoholic. I have now been sober a year and I’m depressed. I’m almost back to my pre surgery weight, I’m working my butt off to lose the weight and it’s not coming off. I never feel well and my chest always hurts. I always have heartburn and I’m always hungry. I need help so I went to a new surgeon the other day about a potential revision and she wants me to see a nutritionist and get a endoscopy. I got my results from my upper GI testing today and there’s NOTHING wrong. I feel like everything is wrong and I’m not okay. I’m on antidepressants, I’m now sober, I’m exercising and eating properly but I’m still fat and I hate myself so much for it. I feel like the biggest failure at 30 years old and it makes me so sad. Has anyone else been able to lose regain?

I’m at 6 weeks now and would definitely do a cruise. You’ll be able to eat yogurt, oatmeal, ham and eggs for breakfast. The lunch and dinner buffet and menus will have lots of options for protein and vegetables…especially fish. You’ll be full after a small portion. I haven’t been eating salads because I don’t feel ready for raw vegetables and hard fruits like apples. I would skip dessert, bread, and alcohol. You could bring some protein powder in case you’re low on protein with the small portions. With the pre diet and surgery, you would probably be down 25 pounds by your cruise.

As someone who spent 6 months in treatment for binge eating disorder - and truly put it behind me - black/white mindset is great for alcohol or drug addiction, and absolutely horrific for disordered eating patterns. I'd strongly recommend therapy to anyone feeling they lose control of their eating, and for some reason, group therapy works really well for this kind of problem if available to you.

Never say never. I’m 3 years out, and i can (and do) eat anything. Well, except excess sugar in one sitting (i dump)…when i do eat sugar (i.e., dessert) its always just a little at a time. I eat bread, cookies, chocolate, fried foods, sauces, the occasional pizza slice (albeit only when Mr. makes it, as its delicious), rice (in my sushi), pasta (again only when Mr. makes it), and drink alcohol. I go out to eat at restaurants regularly. I’d go even more if it wasn’t so Covid-y out there. So long as my average calories stays at or below my maintenance calories (i track EVERYTHING), then its all good. If my weight goes north of my self-imposed high weight limit (i weigh myself everyday) for 3-4 consecutive days, i cut cals for a while, until I’m in my happy weight range again. I had to do this 3 times in year 2…haven’t had to do it again so far *crosses fingers*. All my labs come back uneventfully. I have maintained below goal weight (127lbs) for 2.5 years…i was 116.6lbs this morning. So i figure I’m doing something right. Some people can have a similar lifestyle, others not due to a host of things (food tolerances, medical issues, temperament, activity levels, etc…). Where you will end up on the spectrum of “foodie-ability” can and will be determined only by you. Yes, you may be one of those that will not be able to “enjoy” food and keep weight off. BUT, you also may be one of the ones who do. Alot of it is up to you. My take is that you have to decide which is more important to you: the *possible* loss of your current food enjoyment OR the possibility of weight loss. There is no wrong answer. P.S. Of course, these aren’t the only two outcomes: there is also “possible weight loss with a NEW way of enjoying food”.

My first thought was the artificial sweeteners too. My second was lactose - the whey protein many shakes use. Look for plant protein shakes (not soy of course) & avoid shakes with any of the sugar alcohol sweeteners (the ones that end in ‘tol’ like xylitol, erythritol, Sorbitol). https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/sugar-alcohols-good-or-bad#other-benefits - scroll down for the digestive side effects. Chat with your dietician & or surgeon about alternatives. They should be supportive of you changing because of the side effects you’re experiencing.

Hi all, just checking in! 23 days out, 6lbs off. Third day of eating soft food, mostly fish so far, at about 1/4 cup per meal. Still having at least one protein shake a day too. Slightly harder to get the fluids in now because I'm so full after eating the proper food that I can't drink anything for an hour or more, so I've started pre-loading with fluids before meals. Have started getting on the cross trainer in the last 3 days - starting at 5 minutes and increasing by a minute a day. Still have some pain in my left side that with certain movements can be really sharp, and still wakens me at night sometimes. I have two holiday meals out next week, one with friends one with family, it'll be interesting to see how those go! No alcohol so far but I might try something this weekend because I really don't want my first glass of wine to result in disaster at a dinner in a restaurant. And that's my report! How are all of you getting along? Any plans for the weekend? I'm going to a nice festive concert tomorrow - really looking forward to that. Every day is feeling more normal.

You can drink alcohol again without a problem. Maybe not right away, but I am 3 months post op and drink alcohol when I want to without limits. As far as normal meals out, I go out to dinner a couple times a month. I do not get an appetizer like I did in the past because I will not be able to eat the main course. I usually just order the main and I am able to eat that. If you go to places that load on the food you won't finish, but many normal eating people cannot finish big giant portions either. I can eat most of a 6 ounce filet mignon and some of the veggies....or a piece of fish and veggies. I think you are going to be ok with what you can eat and drink.

Hello, I’m new here so I hope this post is ok. I am a 47 year old man in the UK who went from being a 10 stone fit guy in my 20s to being 23 stone now. Tried diet after diet and yo-yo’d so much I went dizzy! I am paying privately for a gastric sleeve in January 2022 and my partner seems to have more concern than me. I feel I have done plenty of research but the two questions my partner keeps asking are: 1) will you ever be able to have more than a couple of drinks of alcohol (wine) in future 2) will you ever be able to go for a nice meal again (not just diet food) we are a social couple and like to enjoy nights out but my biggest concern is I want to be healthy and look healthy so not drinking alcohol at all for a while and small meals isn’t a problem. We are both just wondering what happens say 12 months down the line could I potentially be able to eat a normal meal (normal portions not trailer loads like now) and perhaps enjoy a few drinks on a night out? Thank you all in advance.

Artificial sweeteners continue to feed your desire for sweet. They’ve many other negative issues too. And you’re right, they seem to be in everything these days. Monk fruit is being pushed as a better alternative but it doesn’t stop the sugar cravings either. Neither do natural sugar alternatives (honey, coconut sugar, molasses, etc.) which are still basically sugar with slightly different glucose & fructose content. The weight loss stage made it easier to cut out or greatly reduce added sugar & sweeteners. I was only eating protein, vegetables, dairy & fruit after surgery so little opportunity for added sugar & sweeteners. (I stopped shakes from day 1 purées.) I prep most of what I eat from scratch myself. It’s the only way to control the ingredients. I carefully check the ingredient list & nutrition panel on any products I do buy. I avoid sweeteners but know there’s some in the yoghurt & protein bar I eat but that’s all. I’d rather choose products with low quantities of real sugar than artificial. I don’t drink carbonated drinks like colas, etc. or juices. I only have cakes, sweet biscuits or desserts, etc. a couple of times a year. I have a glass of alcohol about once a month. Our bodies do need some glucose. I get most from naturally occurring sources: dairy & fruit. My daily intake of added sugar is harder to define as total sugars on nutrition panels include naturally occurring & added as one total. I don’t add any myself. I know there’s 2-3g in my salad dressing & 1g in my crackers & about 6g if I use a condiment like mint or teriyaki sauce (couple of times a month). My desire for sweet has changed greatly & sweet foods are crazy sweet now. This is just what I do. Others may have better suggestions, alternatives, experiences or made more changes. It just depends upon how much you’re willing to omit or reduce from your eating plan & if it’s sustainable for you.

When i was about 2 months out I had a couple sips of a soju-sake (sugary alcoholic drink) thinking it was just a couple sips and it was xmas, so what’s the harm? Anyhoo, about 10 mins later my heart started racing, and i started to feel tired. A few mins after that i got nauseated and had to poop (not the explosive, didnt make it to washroom kind, but urgent and loose nonetheless). Then i was exhausted and had to go to sleep. Figured it was dumping. About a month later i had 2-3 tablespoons of a VERY sugary, creamy fruit salad. This time it was like death. I had “material “ coming out BOTH ends, lol. Mr literally picked me up off the bathroom floor and carried up the stairs to put me in bed and i slept it off for a few hours. KNEW it was dumping. Sugar does not affect me as badly/quickly now (am 3 years out). But i still have to watch it. I can lessen the effects if i eat small amounts, ensure that i don’t eat excess sugar on am empty stomach, and try not to mix dairy and excess sugar at the same time. Case in point: yesterday i didn’t want to eat dinner (i made stir fry noodles for the fam and I don’t really eat noodles). I did end up eating 3 sour key candies later while watching tv (yeah i know that was dumb). Anyhoo, i got the heart racing, the onset of exhaustion and a mild death feeling and ended up going to bed super early. No poop or barf issues, but still unpleasant. P.S. Im a sleeve.

Alcohol and MGB So this will be controversial for the Americans. Sorry in advance. I’ve had alcohol weekly since week 5. I made room for it in my calorie count. Sometimes, I went over. And then got right back on the counting the next day. Alcohol is a part of life where I live. And I’ve found myself wanting to go out more. I get drunk super fast, and I have to pace myself. It hasn’t really been an issue; I can see why people get addicted, but I’ve never been the kind of guy who would drink alone and that’s a hard rule for me. YMMV is what I’m saying. If you’re reading this thinking you’ll never drink again, well, a lot of us are while being successful still. Don’t you wish you had refrained from drinking and then your EWL might have been 95 instead of 89? Absolutely not. I wouldn’t have gotten to a year by staying in. I did this my way, and it worked for me.

My diet and calories – stages + what does a typical day look like after a year? My post-op plan was pretty standard: 1 week of fluids 1 week of puréed 1 week of soft solids and then gradually into solids. It was easy, but I had reached out for help prior to surgery and had family take care of me. I could’ve done it on my own, but I do recommend letting all pride go and simply take as much time off work as you can, ask for all and any help you can from the people around you. You have no idea how willing people are to help. That first month is so crucial to get off to a great start – it’s a long journey – and we deserve it. I had alcohol less than a month after surgery (for NYE) and it was fine. It was OK’ed with my surgeon’s team. I understand this is different for different cultures, but alcohol is a major part of life where I live, and I am done doing unsustainable things. So I had to practice flexible control right off the bat. It works well for me. For me, tracking calories and protein has been crucial I was on: 1400 cals/day for 6 months, then 1800 cals a day for 3 months and then the bariatric team asked me to stop losing and find my balance. Since then, I’ve lost 7-8 lbs as I’m finding my equilibrium. I stopped tracking on weekends, and I still track on weekdays. It’s good to keep that sense of what 2000-2200 calories look like, but it’s also a more long-term sustainable solution for me to not sit at a restaurant and think about whether I go 50 over or under on a Friday. This gets into the mental game, and I’ll cover that below. A typical day now looks like this: Breakfast Protein Oatmeal (around 200 cals) Lunch Meat + mixed salad + a little dressing at work. Small plate. Early afternoon A protein snack, like Quest Protein Chips. Late afternoon Usually some fruit, a slice of protein bread with low-fat cheese. Dinner I’ve grown fond of Thai curries with chicken + cauliflower rice. I truly have no desire for, say, burgers and pizza – it’s too heavy for my system. I repeat: it’s not that I can’t have it, I just don’t really want to. New times indeed. Evening snack(s) I tend to leave 400-600 calories for after dinner (which is easier on 2200 calories, mind you). I unfortunately work a bunch, and this has been the problem in the past – working and snacking all night long. I spend those calories on a smoothie with protein and fruit, and usually a bariatric-friendly treat like sugar-free chocolate, popsicles, or something like that. This keeps the habit of stuffing myself with empty calories somewhat at bay, while also not setting me up for failure by pretending I can go from 7pm to bedtime at 1am without eating. I can’t, so I don’t.