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I started out in OA 30 years ago. I went to other 12 step programs from that point and have been happy in recovery from alcohol, mood altering drugs and relationships for many and varying years, one day at a time, but i have never been freed up from the desire to eat compulsively, band or no band. The band has kept me from doing major damage to myself and allowed me to take off a lot of wt. in spite of my active food addiction. It is sort of like harm reduction. I returned last week to OA, and having the band and still feeling compulsive is the reason I returned. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I am a food junkie. As an old time 12 stepper, I am sure that the 1st tradition applies, and I have to place principles before personalities. If someone has a hard time with my personal choice to be banded then they need to take thier own inventory, not mine. I just know that I need this program and plan to take what i need and leave the rest. It is part of why I am here, I have done everything humanly possible to control this disease and I can't. Maybe we just need to be out about the band and let the chips fall where they may. I know that is my plan. I am not out to convince anybody else to be banded and I have great respect for those who can do it without the band, but for me it was a tool I needed and I believe it is about my powerlessness. Corliss

When alcoholics get sober, they eat candy and goodies like it's going out of style. It's another form of sugar that helps feed their addiction. Can't that hold true for popcorn once giving up sugar, since it's a carb that converts to sugar in another form? Hahah, listen to me act as if I know what I'm talking about!

Sounds good, when I saw the title "Jello Shots" I was thinking alcohol!! LOL but yours sound so much better and healthier!!

Hey, Bandsters! Time flies when you’re having fun. If you’re like those of us here at Celebrate Yourself This Valentine’s Day! Keep reading for more on each of these stories, and when you’re finished, come on over to LapBandTalk.com for more motivation and information. The conversations never stop! And, as always, please free to drop us a line if you have any comments. We love hearing from members! See you on the boards! Sincerely, Alex Brecher Founder LapBandTalk.com Please be Respectful on the Boards! We started LapBandTalk.com to help lap-band patients and people who may be interested in getting the lap-band. We are very proud of the array of resources on the site, and recognize that you, our members, are our most valuable assets. From the conversations on the boards and feedback we receive from members, we know LapBandTalk.com has been successful in reaching out to thousands of members and making a positive difference regardless of where you are in your weight loss journey. One of the most valuable features of LapBandTalk.com is its welcoming, respectful atmosphere. Because of some recent incidents on the board, we’d like to remind you that rudeness is not tolerated. Board etiquette is outlined in the dinner with wine. Before starting your weight loss journey, you may have celebrated by exchanging boxes of chocolate and eating too much fat and sugar at home and at work. On your pre-surgery diet and after surgery, these unhealthy choices are no longer for you. High-fat, high-sugar foods aren’t part of your weight loss surgery diet. Pasta and shrimp can cause problems with your lap-band and alcohol with dinner can make you lose your control and overeat. So what can you do to enjoy Valentine’s Day – with or without a special someone – while keeping your weight loss on track? We have a few ideas. Give your sweetheart flowers instead of candy. Opt for broiled lobster or chicken with vegetables instead of steak with creamy mushroom pasta. Skip the refined pasta at dinner. Instead, try a small amount of orzo or another whole grain – but only eat it after eating your Protein and vegetables. Choose strawberries for dessert instead of chocolate cake and ice cream. If you still have chocolate cravings after dinner, sip sugar-free hot chocolate instead of going for the chocolate truffles. There’s nothing more romantic than dancing. Burn a few extra calories with some slow dancing before watching a movie after dinner. Picking out a few slow songs to dance to with your sweetheart will show how much you care. Take a walk. A short after-dinner walk lets you and your valentine enjoy the fresh air and focus on each other. Don’t have a valentine? Call up one of your single friends and take a leisurely walk together. You’ll both benefit from the chance to chat. Make a Valentine’s Day card. Do you remember how good it felt to get them from your friends when you were in elementary school? Making one instead of buying one lets you put your own personal touches on it. These are just a few possibilities for enjoying your Valentine’s Day without interfering with your health. Everyone should be able to enjoy, not dread, this happy holiday, and we hope these suggestions are useful as you make your plans. Member Challenge: Be Your Own Valentine! The Member Challenge portion of the newsletter is an opportunity for you to try something new or discover tricks that’ll help you with your weight loss and health. It’s not a competitive challenge; it’s just a way to challenge yourself to achieve new goals. This month, we’re sticking to the theme of Valentine’s Day. Some people think that Valentine’s Day is only for couples, but we’re going to let you in on a little secret: anyone can celebrate Valentine’s Day, even if you’re by yourself. Take advantage of the occasion to show yourself how much you love and appreciate yourself – especially as you work toward becoming healthier. The challenge this month is to show yourself how much you care about yourself and appreciate your efforts to become healthier and happier. These are a few of our ideas to treat yourself without going off your weight loss surgery diet. Get a massage, facial, manicure or pedicure. Try a calorie-free chocolate treat, such as chocolate chapstick or chocolate-scented body lotion. Make or buy yourself a Valentine’s Day card. Frame a “before” and “after” picture – with or without your sweetheart – in a Valentine’s Day-themed frame. Try a dance class – you’ll burn a few calories and may meet a special someone! If you are dedicating February 14 to a special someone, take a few moments to treat yourself, too, or treat yourself on another day. Use one of the above ideas, or come up with your own way to celebrate Valentine’s Day without missing a beat in your weight loss journey. We’d love for you to tell us how it went in the Challenge Forum! Sharing your ideas and experiences gives you a sense of purpose and helps other bandsters hit their own challenge goals. Don’t forget that the archived Newsletter Forum is always there for you when you’re ready to try an old challenge. We’ll leave you with these thoughts of Valentine’s Day, hoping that they’re warm enough to carry you through the rest of the cold winter. Keep up the great work with your weight loss journey, and we’ll see you on the boards! Thanks as always for your support. Take care of yourself and each other. Sincerely, Alex ============================================================== If you no longer wish to receive this newsletter, you may unsubscribe by going to your Control Panel and clicking on the Newsletters tab, or clicking on the following link: {unsubscribe}

First of all, I'm so sorry that you're going through this Brandy. Big hugs. I, too, come from a family of many alcoholics. I think that, frankly, you're wise to be a little concerned about yourself -- I'm always watching myself too. The reason being is that a new study came out showing that people with a family history of alcoholism had a tendency to be obese. It's not that surprising if you think about it -- alcohol is made from carbohydrates (grain, rice, sugar, etc.) and we get obese from carbohydrates. Two sides of the same coin. Now, I'm not saying that ALL people who are obese or suffered from obesity have to be concerned about addiction. But I do think that people who have had a family history of alcoholism do need to be aware of the potential of cross-addiction (going from food to something else). That said, I think because you're aware and concerned, you're less likely to fall into the cross-addiction trap -- for example, I just don't drink anymore. I rarely drank before I had the sleeve and now, from what I've read, it's just not worth it. (Get tipsy really fast and then the tipsy feeling subsides really quickly. ugh.) So that's my choice. And nowadays it's easier to just not drink. Again, I am sooo sorry this has happened to you and to your mom. It's not easy to see someone you love so much go through this. But realize it's not about you and you cannot fix it. I really really recommend that, if you haven't already, get involved in Al-Anon or Adult children of alcoholics or something that may appeal to you -- And lastly and I think most importantly, YOU ARE NOT YOUR MOTHER. I hope you know this. Every person who grows up in an alcoholic family fears the worst about themselves (and when they get married, their spouse, their children, etc.). I've gone through it for years. And if you need someone to vent to, I'm here, there are so many people here on the board. We're happy to be shoulders, ears, whatever you need. Take care and big hugs -- Julie

Although I was banded in 2010, my recovery seems like it was yesterday. If I recall, I really had no real pain after the surgery, but the gas in my chest was the most uncomfortable thing. While you had it go away quickly, mine lasted up to two weeks. For new bandsters, it is important to know that each person has a different recovery experience as well as a different weight loss journey. The first few weeks post surgery can definitely be annoying, and it may take several fills before you feel like you are restricted, but everyone has a different experience. A tip for those of you new bandsters, who are still learning the ways about timing while you eat, I found that setting a timer for 20-30 minutes on my phone, was the perfect amount of time to eat as long as you take one bite every 30-45 seconds. My doctor told me that it takes about 20 seconds for the food to pass through the band into the lower portion of the stomach. Also, by keeping yourself on schedule while you eat or drink, will fill you up faster and give you less of a chance of having the food get stuck (as you focus during during those seconds to savor and chew the food to a pulp). As you progress in your weight loss journey, you will have days when certain foods will go down, which others won't. My family who had the band, as well as others I know, refer to the band as a "fickle b***h" because how tight you are can depend on not only how much Fluid is in your band, but on stress, alcohol consumption (makes food go down easier because it relaxes your esophagus,etc.) I speak at the information sessions as a live testimonial for the NYU weight loss group in manhattan. If you have any questions on pre, post or cosmetic surgery, please feel free to ask me (whether here or In a message...)

I know I already posted about this yesterday, but it just keeps getting better and better. Last night, I had a small bowl of chili at around 6:30pm for dinner and was not hungry at all for the rest of the night. And, I am a big big late night eater, so this is big for me. I absolutely hate going to sleep on an empty stomach, but for once, my dinner actually kept me satisfied all the way until bedtime. This morning I ran out of time to have b-fast so I grabbed a zone bar to have in the car on the way to church and I could barely finish it! Unbelievable!!! Usually I would just eat one of those to keep my stomach from growling. I don't actually get any 'filling' sensation from them even after my first fill. But, w/this second fill, oh yeah! Woohoo!!! I also lost another pound this morning so a total of 21 pounds since surgery on 12/17. Its so so hard for me to believe this is even real that I could lose 20+ pounds in 2 months. And, not even being perfect about it. Usually, when I had done WW, I had to be absolutely perfect to lose anything and many times it would be a half pound or less. Now I have been contemplating my behavior w/the band and how I really have not been working it as well as I could. Specifically, I had started slacking off on exercise and letting more liquid calories (as in cocktails and wine!) slip back into my life. And, I've asked myself is this what I really want... to do the band half-assed? And, the answer is NO! Clearly, its doing its job for me and its time for me to get more serious about doing my part. So, now I think I am ready to make some goals. A friend of mine is getting married on April 2nd and I am making it a goal to lose 15 more pounds by her wedding so I can feel cute dressed up (instead of frumpy). I am 221 right now so that would put me at 206. To achieve this, I am going to: 1) Attend Jazzercise at least 2x per week 2) Walk for 30 minutes at least 4x per week (on the days I don't do Jazzercise) 3) Limit alcohol to only 1x per week Wish me good luck and persistence! :confused:

I know I already posted about this yesterday, but it just keeps getting better and better. Last night, I had a small bowl of chili at around 6:30pm for dinner and was not hungry at all for the rest of the night. And, I am a big big late night eater, so this is big for me. I absolutely hate going to sleep on an empty stomach, but for once, my dinner actually kept me satisfied all the way until bedtime. This morning I ran out of time to have b-fast so I grabbed a zone bar to have in the car on the way to church and I could barely finish it! Unbelievable!!! Usually I would just eat one of those to keep my stomach from growling. I don't actually get any 'filling' sensation from them even after my first fill. But, w/this second fill, oh yeah! Woohoo!!! I also lost another pound this morning so a total of 21 pounds since surgery on 12/17. Its so so hard for me to believe this is even real that I could lose 20+ pounds in 2 months. And, not even being perfect about it. Usually, when I had done WW, I had to be absolutely perfect to lose anything and many times it would be a half pound or less. Now I have been contemplating my behavior w/the band and how I really have not been working it as well as I could. Specifically, I had started slacking off on exercise and letting more liquid calories (as in cocktails and wine!) slip back into my life. And, I've asked myself is this what I really want... to do the band half-assed? And, the answer is NO! Clearly, its doing its job for me and its time for me to get more serious about doing my part. So, now I think I am ready to make some goals. A friend of mine is getting married on April 2nd and I am making it a goal to lose 15 more pounds by her wedding so I can feel cute dressed up (instead of frumpy). I am 221 right now so that would put me at 206. To achieve this, I am going to: 1) Attend Jazzercise at least 2x per week 2) Walk for 30 minutes at least 4x per week (on the days I don't do Jazzercise) 3) Limit alcohol to only 1x per week Wish me good luck and persistence! :frown:

cervantes, you are doing great, I lost 15 of that 78 before the surgery ( I have that in my ticker) so you are doing fantastic! I followed what the doc said somewhat, I did what I felt my body needed and when it needed it. I was eating sooner that most, trying new things all the time, mixing it up constantly, food/and exercise to get the perfect balance. Everyone is different, I have fell off the wagon , not food wise but I have had several weekend with some alcohol involved and did just fine. I am sure I could have lost more but I am ok with were I am. Best of luck to you all and thanks again!

I think with any stall BBoodle is right... you have to change things up. If you arent logging what you are putting in your mouth you need to. You need to make sure the protein is where it should be and you need to exercise no matter what.... Just having surgery doesnt ensure weight loss... it is a tool. I know a guy that didnt lose... he was putting pizza spaghetti you name it in a blender and not moving his ass. He drank alcohol like crazy and wondered why he wasnt losing. Look at what you are and are not doing. Consult your doctor or nut... they are there to help you!! Good luck

Hi all, I'm going to be banded on Feb 22nd and I love to party!!! Will I still be able to drink enough to get a buzz?? I know that sounds bad but I like to have fun and I'm wondering if I'll ever be able to get drunk again!!

I'd say the #1 reason I know it works is pretty similar... I've been having a pretty rough month. I moved, am still looking for a job, my car/ipod/sunglasses were stolen, and my computer died. In the past five weeks, I've exercised maybe twice or three times. I started eating whatever I wanted for every meal, including lots of sushi (rice), burgers, potatoes, pizza, fried foods, chips, chocolate, fast food, whatever I wanted. My restriction isn't at the level where it can stop me, and I can eat what I would call normal sized portions (i.e. equal to someone of normal weight who isn't banded - not what i ate pre-band). I also have been in party mode and drinking 5 or so nights per week (which can be anywhere from 200-500 calories per night). Not the ideal bandster, I have to say... So my lowest weight pre-craziness was 260. Weighed this morning, I'm at 263. In a month of doing all sorts of craziness, I have gained maybe 3 lbs (now I say maybe because my weight does fluctuate a lot, and 4 days ago I was at 260 still). So I'm ready to jump-start my weight loss again. I've committed to at least a ten-day run of no drinking alcohol or high-calorie liquids, and no eating anything that I don't cook in my own kitchen or that's processed. But still... 1+ month of no motivation to lose weight and bad choices... And I'm still within a 3-lb. range (normally my "hey wake up!" point is 5 lbs, due to fluctuation). Anyway, just thought i'd jump on a bandwagon.

Hello, I’m new here so a little history first; I am currently 33 years old and had my surgery about 11/12 years ago when I was around 21/22 old (@ 23• stone) years when I had my surgery done. I lost a large amount of weight very quickly due to the surgery and was soon at my ‘starting going to the gym weight of 15 stone in around 2 years! That was without even exercising much apart from normal day to day tasks and no change in diet apart from the starting liquid one.,My weight range over the years has varied between 13.5 stone to 15.0 stone due to going to the gym 3/4 times a week for about a year which led to around a stone of muscle. I did however have some problems, the first being a blockage which required a nights in hospital but no surgery thankfully. I also developers a increase in alcohol consumption due to the increased desire for it over the year, maybe 3/4 pings a night I was drinking most days and more at the weekend. Out the blue about 7 years ago I had the sudden onset of Generalised and Social Anxiety. The anxiety would be way worse If I was hangover or after a heavy night out. This developed into vicious circle to a point about 5 years ago where it spiralled out of control and was drinking 6/8+ pints a daily/all day. Thankfully I’m a sell employee property landlord. During this time I had quite multiple periods of longish abstinence (with medication from my GP for help with my anxiety) with the longest one (just over a year) which ended just over a year ago and was drinking heavily (8+ pints) again during July/August/September 2019 but stopped again. In the past when I went on my every/all day alcohol sessions for long periods of time I never put on any weighteven though I was consuming 2000+ extra empty calories plus loads junk food and takeaways. In fact I would sometimes lose weight?! I don’t until now own scales so always ‘weighed’ myself based on how my clothes fit. In late February I started again heavily but this time I started massive weight gain I couldn’t believe it and that alone caused me to quit (with the help of my GP for some Diazepam from my GP for the 1/2 weeks of horrendous anxiety I get when stopping. I am worried about the random weight gain as it’s never happened before in the past with a massive calorie increase due to alcohol (beer/cider). I thought I might have diabetes as I was really thirsty, quite hungry all the time and putting on weight but went to the GP and see did a diabetes, liver ,kidneys, bloods etc and all came back completely fine. It also been a weird weight gain as it’s mainly in my upper body and I also have dry skin, it goes white/dry when I itch myself on most my body. I bought the Withings Body + scales so I can start logging my weight and also body fat % and was surprised to be 16.5 stone! It’s about 2 stone over my idea weight (no gym) and I’ve last that much in 3 months!! Has anyone personally post op noticed a sudden increase in weight randomly? or tied with something else like alcohol? Also any diets to kickstart the weight loss? I have heard of the pouch reset diet, is it any good? Please help, I hardly have any clothes that fit now! Cheers

Mine was pretty lengthy... Random questions about behaviors, coping, dealing with stress... Relationship with food... Drug use, alcohol consumption.....that sort of thing. Just answer them honestly. I don't think there are any wrong answers.... Maybe just red flags the therapist can discuss with you

It's nice that your doctor is amenable to wine! A lot of the info I've read has said no alcohol for a full year after the procedure, but if your doctor is okay with it, I'm glad for you!

Sugar in alcohol metabolizes really easily to fat. Protein is harder to turn to fat. I'd try a little and see now you feel.

I've been banded just over 6 years. I still have the occasional drink(s) but I do prefer to eat my calories. I don't drink wine...and of course no carbonated beverage of any kind so no beer and diet pop to mix with liquor. I usually have Baileys and coffee or a Bloody Caesar. While I was losing my weight I didn't drink any alcohol...but that was by choice... again because I want to eat my extra calories. I really struck to my menu plan. Tom, Toronto Banded July 6 06 Wt. Loss; 156 lbs tomander@bell.net

well you certainly MUST make changes - that is what this is all about. If you must have a plate of spaghetti once a week that will no longer happen. Your stomach goes from the size of a football to the size of an egg. My instructions from my surgeon and his team are: 2 months post surgery 2-4 oz of food per meal Protein first and it must account for at least half the meal then produce, then starch by 18 months post surgery- 8 - 10 oz per meal still at least half protein, then produce, then starch also check the food nutrition thread on here. I know I am done with sandwiches - there is no way I can handle the bread, Peanut Butter is completely out along with most nuts. I've been advised to never drink out of straw again. Absolutely no sodas, no carbonated drinks and no alcohol. I've seen others post diffeerently on this so you need to go by your surgeons advice. It was made clear to me that as little as two drinks of wine will register me over the drinking/driving limit. I was told to absolutely avoid alcohol for at least two years and be very careful there after (I rarely drink so its not a biggie) Tina

In the time I have had to wait to get surgery, I have lost weight and am now 210 pounds. After decades of trying different diets, starting this past January, I have finally found a sustainable way of eating where I lose weight. Now, I have waited 3 years in line for surgery, and I will get a date in the next few weeks. I don't want to give up my place in line, but I don't want to have surgery if I can lose weight on my own. I don't know what to do.. Why did I wait 3 years? Because of public health care, everyone takes a number. If I walk away? I will have to go to the back of the line again. Type of surgery - I am pursuing a gastric bypass. Starting weight - 250 lbs Satisfied after a meal? Yes. I'm on the line now where if I lose any more weight, I don't qualify for the surgery. I started this journey because my liver has NAFLD, non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. My last liver test came out within the normal scale. So I have changed my lifestyle enough for it to have a positive impact on my health. Now, I am questioning if continuing is me just wanting more, when I should be happy. Has anyone here been around 200lbs before surgery? What was your journey like?

(Sorry for the quote, but I don't want to have to scroll up to reference your post… and sorry in advance for the long post…) I felt bad about getting so low that this surgery was my only option. I WANTED to lose the weight myself. When I put my mind to something, it gets done, so why not THIS particular something? That's another book... It took me almost 5 years of heavy thought and self contemplation before I was "OK" with the idea of having weightloss surgery. I spent 4 years telling myself, “MAYBE I’ll consider if, if I don’t weigh under X by X date” or “Ok, I will do it if I can’t be 40 lbs lighter this time next year, because obviously if I can’t make that little goal, I just can’t do it on my own.” I also kept thinking, especially as I was truly, seriously considering LB, “Damn, it would be a shame if one last diet could have fixed my problem… so maybe I should give it one last chance…” Here’s the thought process I had that slowly changed the way my gears were turning: Lots of people have health issues. Lots of people have borderline health issues, or are at risk for health issues. Most of those people are employing some type of medical intervention for their issues. Why is this so different? Why should I not seek the medical treatment available to help with what might otherwise turn into a significant health issue? Why is it OK for an alcoholic to receive a new liver, but not for me to get the band? Why is it OK for a smoker to seek breathing treatments, but not ok for me to seek a medical support? Eventually – I could no longer explain away the differences, and could no longer justify to myself staying fat. Don’t feel bad about the money (easy to say, my insurance covered… I know). If you need reassurance that it’s a worthwhile investment, ask your husband – “If we could spend $180000 on <debt, car, house, whatever>, or on something that will give me a really good shot at a normal, healthy weight and longer life, which would you want to spend the money on?” J I do want to interject against one thing you said. You say “I think that I am on the right path, because friends tell me I should definitely do this”. In the politest way possible, your friends have nothing to do with this, and you should not use their opinions as a way to judge whether or not this is right for YOU. It’s handy to have the support… can definitely be done without… but make sure you aren’t allowing their opinions to change your life. YOU need to be telling yourself that YOU should do this. Until then, it’s maybe not the right path. Have you researched the band, how it works, and what happens once you’re banded? I think for most people, upon finding good restriction, don’t have to contend with appetite. A majority of the significance of restriction is that you get full on a small amount of food. That’s why we get it. The possible restriction on certain foods, and negative consequences to “eating wrong” are side effects… the purpose is to cause satiety on small portions. Here’s another “setting” I put myself in when contemplating WLS: Time is going to pass. There’s nothing I can do about it, it’s one of the few truly inevitable things about life. It’s going to be “a year from now”, regardless of what I do. So in a year, I can be like this, or fatter – or I can be well on the road to a much healthier & happier me. In a year, how am I going to feel if I reflect back on this exact moment, and only feel regret for not making changes?

Your stomach is just another muscle that is susceptible to swelling just like the rest of your body. Think about the lapband as if it were a ring around your finger? If your body(finger) swells due to TOM, sodium, alcohol, carbs(complex and simple), stress and anxiety, so can the gastric lining of your stomach. This can be the perfect time of year for most all of the swelling reasons previously mentioned. The lining of your stomach can swell making the stoma a very small opening for solids to pass through.

Hello all, I know this may sound like a really insignificant, possibly moronic question, but it's always better to know what you're getting into. So what exactly is the story with drinking after you have had this procedure? Is it contra-indicated? Any restrictions on what you can drink, or is it just not really in the cards practically speaking? I don't mean to sound like Joe 12-step alcoholic, but I'm attorney who runs his own firm with three cosmic-sized egomaniac attorneys, insurrectionist disloyal staff, and clients whose pathetic needy clinging is only matched by their boundless rage, usually aimed at yours truly. It's a miracle I only stop in for a drink or two on my way home every so often. By all rights I should have a superhuman heroin addiction. But that's enough of my cheerful thoughts for the day. Looking forward to my new sleeve in two weeks, and I'm glad that this resource exists! Take care, Tom

Have a friend having surgery tomorrow. They had three alcoholic drinks yesterday. Will this cause any major complications

I feel your pain.....my MIL is the same way.....with her, if you toast in the New Year....you are an alcoholic! It is only one of many of her judgemental ways----and she is a strict Church of Christ member who berates my family for attending a Methodist church with a woman pastor. My DH and I got into a huge fight last week, and part of it was me unloading about things that had been said to me when we were helping his parents the week before. He thought it over, and agreed with me amazingly!!! So the last couple of times we have been at their house, we can be sitting and visiting happily, and the second she says something negative in regards to our kids, or my family, he pops up from his seat and says to me "time to go" and we are outta there like a shot. We always hug them and tell them we love them and just leave! I know we should tell them why rather than hope they would figure it out.....but he is quick to react---------by leaving! I think I would just tell your Mom "I've heard this before, we will never agree, so I guess it is time for me to leave" and leave. If she sniffles and cries, she will get over it, it isn't as it what you said to her was mean. Then go back to see her soon, so she can see it is not HER as a whole you are avoiding, but her unwanted critisism of your friends....and stay until she says something again, repeat and leave. Soon if she really wants time with you she will reign in her opinions, I would think! I was shocked, yet pleased at my DH's response to his mother. She is extremely opinionated and unfair. She dogs on everyone except her perfect few, and even they get it on occasion, she come loose on his sister with us a few days ago, and cracked us up!!! That was before we began taking our leave when she went on a tear! Good Luck! Kat

Ahhhhh. Mother issues. Gotta love 'em! My mother was extremely judgmental as well. It didn't matter what I did, my mother found a way to degrade me. And my friends as well. It would upset me to no end. I would always go crying to my best friend over the latest drama she'd put me through. One day he said to me "Why do you give her the power to upset you?" At first I was angry. "Didn't you hear what she said about me?!?! :cursing:" He said "Of course I did. She says the same kind of thing about everything you do. Even when you do something great she can find a negative in there." He was right. She upset me because I let her upset me. Having a couple of drinks a month doesn't make you an alcoholic. Even if your mother says it does. From the time of my enlightenment I played into my mother's negativity and learned to turn it around. Like this for example: "Your friend is an alcoholic." "Yeah, but she knows all the best places to buy cheap booze!" "You'll end up just like her!" "I hope so. She's really popular and knows had to throw a great party." "Too many wild parties will get you in trouble with the police." "Not if you're good friends with them and invite them to the parties. They know how to avoid getting in trouble with the law because they are the law." "She's still an alcoholic." "Yeah I know, we already agreed on that." After a few conversations like this, it will be your mother who will end up being frustrated and wanting to rant about everything. If you continue to agree with everything she says and add your own spin on it, she can't continue to argue against you. After all, you're not disagreeing with her. You agree with everything she says. After a while I used to enjoy "arguing" with my mother. If she complained about what a horrible child I was, I always brought out the standard "I blame the parents." excuse. :thumbup: