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First and foremost you need to tell him Everything you need and want to, doesn't matter if he wants to hear it or not, you NEED to tell him how you feel, stick with I statements. I feel this way when this. I feel this way when that. Keep them pointed at you, so he doesn't feel attacked and shut down before you can even get started. Do not be afraid to tell him that he's going to end up pushing you away. You said he's overweight too, odds are he's jealous of your progress, how you are (I'm sure) feeling MUCH better, more energy, more attention from others. He's more than likely upset that he feels he's being left behind. But all of that is on him not you. You are not and will never be responsible for anyone other than your own reactions. If he's upset, that's for him to figure out why, is he upset that you are losing weight? If so... that's not your problem or fault or responsibility to fix for him. My wife and I have been married for almost 22 years now. I've known my wife was bi for 23+ years. It wasn't until a good 5 years into our marriage that she finally "saw" it as well. I got fat... almost 400 ish (sitting at 190ish now) I knew that I wasn't providing her the things she needed to feel "complete" or "fulfilled" sexually. I handled the Male side of things ok, but I got a lot of "not now, I don't feel good" etc, I constantly felt like I was being pushed away. When we started opening our relationship up, we talked.... a lot. Who wanted what, why, what were the rules, boundaries, etc. We had long, very embarrassing discussions. But in the end, we both knew where we were and what was needed to keep each of us "happy" together. The idea wasn't to replace, it was to fill in. I could never be a woman, even with things being hidden by fat and having breasts... I'm not woman and never will be, so, in my mind, how can I be mad at her for wanting what I can't provide. So rules in hand we started to go out and meet people, together. I pushed her to go dance and be playful and to have fun. At first she was afraid I would be left out, and I knew I would be. And I was. But she had her time, I got some time too with a few but for the most part, it was all for her. Then I lost the weight. The wife was never really THAT big, she did hit 170-190 ish at one point, but that was because the whole house was eating like crap. I lost weight and so did she. We started working out together. We started getting more attention from others as well. My big issue is that, she reacts to me the way I would react when I was big. I was unhappy with myself, super self conscious, hated myself and lashed out a lot. She was reacting to the old me, not the new me. That spun some new deep convos, one we still work on. We met our current girlfriend back in October. At first she was really into the wife, but also interested in me, but as she was more gay than bi, it was the wife she was found of, but that slowly changed, our GF had some issues with past trauma from other GFs, so I because this shelter, and the roles that my wife and I dealth with for years, reversed. Now she's the one that feels left out or pushed aside, not that she is, just that, that's how she feels. So more and more long awkward open convos and things are so much better. I think the take away is, open up and talk. Drop your most uncomfortable information right in his lap and let him deal with it. Most men were brought up not to express ANY emotion or weakness. I've worked hard to push past that, I know that if I"m upset, I'm allowed to be upset. I cry, I get emotional, I get sad and pissed. I get needy and want to feel loved or want to feel desired. I know that a lot of my control issues come from lack of control and other things from my past, but, the 3 of us talk often. We sit down and discuss things. We have gotten to the point where one of us can request "private time" with the other and no one gets upset about it. It's been very VERY hard. All the body issues I face, control issues I face, jealousy, envy, etc. All gets sorted when talk. Not to say that you'll talk and it'll end up great for the 2 of you, but as some have pointed out above, sometimes we change and no longer fit with our spouse. And there really isn't anything wrong with that. Humans grown, change and evolve. You've made a drastic evolution. Why is he upset? Only he knows for sure. Good luck and congrats on the loss! You look like you feel MUCH better!

I am so close , I can taste it. I was sleeved on July 23rd. Weight loss has been a little slower for me but my Dr says that patients that start out where I did usually go slower & not hot get discouraged. I've been trying on old clothes and have been so excited to see what fits and what's agree too big! My husband and I are going to a wedding in a couple weeks and I can't wait. So glad keeping Ll those dresses I was hoping to fit in again paid off. Just thought I'd share a happy post

-loriemoms, I hear you on the rotator cuff surgery. Had my left one done 3 years ago before VSG. My right one I had done end of Feb, I am still recovering!!! Yes here it is 5 months down and I'm still in pain, not bad pain as it was first month or more. I went to PT 30 days out from surgery, twice a week for little over 2 months. Before surgery I had to do PT for 6 weeks, so my time was all used up for any more after than the 10 weeks I did. I still can't use a vacuum cleaner! Hurts pushing my mop, raising my arms way above my head, still not enough energy in it at all. I'm no longer taking the pain pills but I do have muscle relaxers I can take. They cut my deltoid muscle, reason for the muscle relaxers. It the muscle goes straight up the arm to the neck and at the base of the skull. Didn't know it effected there. So returning to work in 2 weeks you say? Let me know how it goes, I don't work because of disabilities I have. Pick up a veggie tray all ready cut up! Crunch on those they are great when you don't know what to eat. Keep apples peaches grapes or other fruit in fridge, you can do most with 1 hand. My right was my dominate had, we'll still is lol, I have to tell you my husband was right there for me. Heck I couldn't wash hair or shower without him! Cooking dinner was next to impossible. So I feel for you, the pain is horrible and not doing what you could before, well you will be able to do more later on. My surgeon said recovery is usually 6 months to a year! Good luck.

I was private pay and as long as I had medical records showing I'd been obese for a while, that's all that was needed. Went to my first seminar late October, had surgery 6 weeks later...but the doc did require some weight loss in the mean time.

I feel the same as you guys in this post, getting close to 300 #,s and I forget how to live, when I do things with hubby and the kids/grandkids, I'm the one who is out of breath, plus I REALLY need some support,my family tries BUT I don't think the understand my struggle, I know what to do and what not to do but I fall off the wagon almost every day, I think being depressed about who I have become is really deterring my weight loss.

Find a new doctor who will support your weight loss surgery, my doctor was very happy for me when I told her I wanted to have WLS as she should be because she knows how hard I was struggling with trying to lose weight on my own and all of my medical issues. You pay him not the other way around...just my opinion because I’m a no nonsense person, I have no problem changing if they are not supporting me...the insurance company has enough requirements, you don’t need more on top of that. maybe others here have some better suggestions. I wish you the best!

I'm not convinced it has anything to do with whether you had lap band, bypass, or whatever. In 2003 I started losing weight using weight watchers. I lost 93 lbs. My hair fell out. My doctor said that some people will lose hair when they lose weight rapidly. He said it grows back when the weight stabilizes. For me, that turned out to be exactly true. I did take (still do) biotin and I agree with making sure you get enough protein (which I didn't know about in my earlier weight loss). Even now though, since my lap-band, I'm losing hair again but not as much or as rapidly as before. My advice is to follow the advice you read here but then don't worry about it. Consider your hair loss a battle scar on your war against obesity. It will grow back when you've won that war. Oh, and you may want to get a screen or something in your bathtub or the hair will get stuck, what a mess. Good luck.

GREAT job on your weight loss! I was a smoker before being banded and I've noticed that the amount I smoke has gone up a little since having the procedure. When I notice myself feeling hungry I go for the first thing I know will take my mind off of it. They say when you get that urge to do what ever to keep yourself busy for 5 min. and the urge will go away.....about the time it takes me to smoke.:-) Once I reach my goal weight, I'm going to quit, I guess I'll vaccum for 5 min. instead:-)

First, how many started with the belly pooch and had a great deal of skin leftover from the weight loss? My doctor thinks I will have some to deal with. Did you get surgery to get rid of it? If yes, was that difficult/expensive? Second, I have D cup breasts and actually kinda like them - how much breast fat did you lose post surgery? I am not letting that worry me or anything, but I have had these my whole adult life and It would be strange to not - you know? Thank you!

Yes!! The ring around my neck is noticeably lighter. Unfortunately my armpits are still rather dark. Hoping they fade with more time and weight loss.

By the way, Chimera, WAY TO GO on such a nice big weight loss! You are doing great!!!

Yes wait until you get the first weigh in and stuff before you worry about weight loss... I personally changed my diet from 2 months before surgery just for my own piece of mind and it worked out for me even the surgeon said I got a headstart on my weight loss and I've done really well lost all my excess weight... I personally just woke up one day and started on shakes and was only on like 500cal Max for a few months...

No, the crossing legs doesn't help with the stall, the stall helped with the crossing legs. Stalls are when our bodies reshape to catch up to the weight loss. And crossing your legs is definitely a victory. Can't wait until I can do the same. Good work.

I watch everyone else around me eat and I now can’t believe how much I ate before! It’s one of the most insane and interesting things I’ve noticed since having GS surgery. I don’t want to offend others, however, I just can’t believe how much we do (gatherings and social activities) involve SO much food! I went to breakfast with my sister, and our and her significant others various family members and I was just like WOW! My sister and her family eat like crazy! I see my little niece 7yrs old, wait for it… 128lbs! Eat all day long! My sister has never been big (gained extra weight from pregnancy, still not a big girl). I am like you have to get my niece’s weight under control now or else she will be on the path to weight loss surgery. The father is bigger and his so is his entire family. They ALL including him have some type of medical issues from being overweight, do not see an issue with this! I was saying it was crazy before I had the surgery!! It’s literally out of control now. They eat out all the time and my sister cooks meals in between. My niece ALWAYS says she’s hungry! Her dad is ALWAYS asking what did you feed my daughter today. Kids at school and in stores have called my niece fat. And she gets really upset about it. She already has horrible asthma. She’s been hospitalized a lot of times. Mind you…These are the same people kept telling me I was a nice size…. However, I was NOT healthy. I don’t want to seem like I am better then everyone else now but it’s crazy and upsetting that my niece whom I was in the hospital room when she was born will have to go through a bunch of you know what over food. The dad is like he doesn’t see a problem and my sister is like she will lose it once she gets taller or more active. I see a whole food addiction, because I had it as an adult not as a child. My family is like why are the doctors not telling them she needs to lose weight. I don’t know what or how to put it to get through to them that this is an issue, because everyone has a right to raise their children their own way. However, it will probably get worse.🤷🏼‍♀️ idk….

Hi All, Just something I wanted to get of my chest! My family are supporting me in having my decision to have wls, but would rather I did not have surgery and go the "traditional" weight loss route. I grew up as an only child my Mum and Dad split when I was 9 and my Mum married another guy he has kids but they are a lot older then me and married with kids when I eventually met my step sister. So I am seen as the baby of the family and kinda still clumped in with the kids really bearing in mind I am 30 lol! In the UK a well know talk show host has recently made public she had a lapband (Fern Britton), so as you can imagine there has been a lot on the TV about Gastric Banding. Turns out my stepdad bless him recognised that was the same op I am planning to have and sat and watched a whole segment on Gastric Banding and rang me to tell me he now fully understands everything that is going to happen and thinks the woman that had it done looks amazing. It may not sound like much but it touched me that he took the time to sit down and find out a bit more about it, sometimes it's the little things that choke you up! Have a nice day everyone! KiKi XX

Its been over 2 months and there are days I get frustrated but then something happens and I am so happy I did this. SO I am going to list some of the small victories. 1. Wearing hubby's sweatshirts that I couldnt get on last year.And now they are big. 2. More energy. 3. Down 43 LBs and 3 sizes. 4. People noticing the weight loss. 5. Eating out and spending way less to do it! 6. Having a good day due to planning meals. 7. Doing this for myself!! Every step is a step ahead and even when I backslide it is just a small trip-up in the adventure we call life!!

Congrats! In my opinion it is the small victories one at a time that count the most. You are doing great! It feels so good when you begin to really notice the weight loss. For you and no one else.

Hey, Just wanted to introduce myself. I am a 28-year-old full time college student finishing up my degree in Elementary Education. I've been battling with my weight since I was about 10 years old. My weight has caused many problems in my life and I see it getting worse as I get older. I come from a family were both of my parents are morbidly obese. I've been thinking about getting the Lap Band for about a year now but wanted to try other options before I went with one that is so drastic. Like almost everyone else on this forum I've tried every type of weight loss pill, exercise, program, etc. out there. In the beginning of March (2013) I hit my highest weight of 225.6 lbs. I am only 5'3" so this is A LOT of weight for my size. I can barely squeeze into a size 18 pants. That day I said, "I've had enough!" I quickly went to Innovative Weight Loss Solutions at Geary Community Hospital and learned about my weight loss options. After deciding that the band was the right option for me I learned that my insurance (Blue Cross Blue Shield of Kansas) wouldn't cover the procedure. This quickly put a damper on my decision. Fortunately for me my grandparents are loaning me the money to cover the surgery. They know that this new, "tool" will help with my weight loss. I've paid for the surgery, completed all of the paper work, attended a mandatory informational meeting, and met with a psychologist and a nutritionist. The next step on my journey is to meet the surgeon and set up a surgery date. As the days go by I have quit several of my bad eating habits. This includes my daily large sweet tea from McDonalds and my daily fast food lunch. These changes as well as going to the gym on a regular basis have helped me lose a few pounds. Ideally, I would like to go into surgery weighing around 200 pounds. My goal weight is 125-130 lbs. or a size 6 whichever one comes first. The weight loss and size is important but most of all I want to be happy and healthy. Thanks for taking the time to read my introduction post. I’ve been checking out these forums for about a month now and have learned a lot about the band. I hope to gain more knowledge and some friends along the way.

Hey, RNYTalk members!We’re into the long, lazy days of summer – but there’s plenty going on at RNYTalk.com! So why don’t you use this newsletter as a reminder to get on over to the boards? It’ll help you stay on track or motivate you to get back on board if you’ve gotten off track a little. Here’s what you’ll find in this newsletter. Burning question: What’s the Big Deal about Protein? Member Spotlight: Meet Mamiof3kids! Bypass Challenge: Record Your Diet! Become a Board Expert: How to Get More Involved We hope you’re having a great summer and feeling great about meeting your weight loss and healthy lifestyle goals. Enjoy the newsletter, and of course please contact me any time with suggestions, comments or any other feedback. See you on the boards! Sincerely, Alex Brecher Founder RNYTalk.com Burning Question: What’s the Big Deal about Protein? Okay, anyone who’s gotten weight loss surgery or who is seriously thinking about it has probably already heard a ton about protein. You’re supposed to get about 60 to 80 grams per day, and eat your protein foods first at each meal so that you finish them before getting full. Also, your breakfast should be high in protein to give you a good start for the day. But why is protein so important? First, it’s an essential nutrient for your immune system and as a part of your muscles, skin, bones and other body tissues. But it’s even more important when you’re losing weight so fast, like you are after your gastric bypass surgery. When you lose weight, you’re losing body fat, of course. But if you’re not careful to get enough protein, you’re going to lose a noticeable amount of lean body mass, too. That means you’ll lose some muscle mass and your metabolism will slow down. Another benefit of protein is that it actually helps you stick to your low-calorie post-surgery diet so that you lose weight faster. Protein takes a longer time to digest than carbohydrates. That means that eating a high-protein meal will help you stay full for longer than a high-carbohydrate meal without much protein. So don’t forget to hit your protein at each meal! Aim for one to two servings per meal, and if you have a snack, include some protein. What are the best sources of protein? Stay tuned for the answer coming up in a future newsletter! If you have a burning question that you’d like to see answered in the newsletter, just send Alex a PM over in the forums. It can be about anything – roux-en-Y problems, food, fitness, weight loss, health…just let us know! Member Spotlight – Meet Mamiof3kids! This week’s spotlight is on Mamiof3kids, also known as Maybelin from New York, New York. At 5 feet even, this 33-year-old mother weighed 211 pounds at her highest weight. She decided to get the bypass because she was always tired and her knees were always hurting. Maybelin got her gastric bypass done on May 30, 2012, and she’s already down to 167 pounds! One of the best things about her surgery and weight loss is that spending time with her children is way more fun. As she puts it, she has a 15-year old teenager baby girl, a 3-year-old baby girl and a 2-year-old baby boy. She uses LapBandTalk.com to get advice on how to eat after the bypass, and encourages others who are struggling with their eating to find a dietitian for good advice. Keep enjoying your family and working toward your goal weight, Maybelin. Thanks for sharing your story and being in our member spotlight! We feature a different RNYTalk.com member each week in our Member Spotlight section. Let us know in the member spotlight forum if there’s someone you want to learn more about or if you want to be our spotlighted member! Nominating yourself isn’t bragging. We all want to learn more about you if you’re willing to share your trials, triumphs, tricks and tips! If you’re shy, just PM Alex with the message that you want to be in the spotlight. Thanks! Bypass Challenge – Record Your Diet! Each newsletter, we challenge you with another Bypass Challenge. It’s a chance to push yourself a little outside of your comfort zone or get you thinking about ways to make your weight loss journey even more successful. The challenge can inspire you to try things that you’d never thought about but that can make you more successful and confident in your weight loss journey. The challenge is completely non-competitive, but we hope you’ll post your results in the Challenge Forum so that other members can be motivated by your own challenge actions. Study after study proves that the most successful losers – and maintainers – record their diets. If you don’t already do it, now’s a good time to get into the habit. This newsletter’s challenge is for you to record your diet for three days. Include what you eat, how much and what time you had each meal and snack. You can also put in details like how hungry you were before you ate and afterwards, whether you ate exactly what you’d planned, and whether you were eating with people or alone. Did you learn anything new about your diet? Is there anything you can change so that your choices are healthier? Let us know how it went in the Challenge Forum! There, you can always look back at the previous challenges and post your results. It’s never too late to try something new. Better Boarding Tips – Getting into the Swing of Things For some members, jumping right into the conversations on the board feels natural. You know exactly what to say and have no trouble asking for help and providing your own support. For the rest of us, it can be a little tougher. We may not always know what to say to someone who needs help or how to reach out for support when we need it. How can you improve your social boarding skills? Practice! The more you post, the more comfortable you’ll feel. Start by filling in your profile, if you haven’t already. Head on over to the Tell Your Story Forum (or you can get there from the front page) and welcome a few new members. Then browse the forums until you see some topics that call to you. You might be able to answer some member questions about food choices or some of the pros and cons that you’ve experienced with your weight loss surgery. You’ll soon feel like an old pro with so much practice, and the other members will sure appreciate your input! That’s about it for this week’s newsletter. You can always find the old newsletters in the newsletter forum if you ever miss one. Thanks as always for your support, and we’re looking forward to seeing you out on the boards! Take care of yourself and each other, Alex ==============================================================If you no longer wish to receive this newsletter, you may unsubscribe by going to your Control Panel and clicking on the Newsletters tab, or clicking on the following link: http://www.rnytalk.c...&tab=newsletter

Very excited for my surgery on Thursday! Received some bad news today ..... My work fired me because I choose to have this surgery and will be off work. Sad thing is I worked at this place for 13 years! I will be a better and healthier person after this surgery so it's their loss! Screw them!

Just had my 6 week follow up. Everything is working perfect & I am ahead of schedule. No need for a fill. So it's been 4 weeks since I last saw the Doc & I been trying new/different foods to see what I can tolerate on the solid food phase. Everything I tried has been no problem, I can consume about 4-5oz of protein followed by a cup of vegetables and I am very satisfied (Not full or stuffed) for at least 4-5 hours. My average loss per week since being on solid foods is 2.5lbs. If I eat to fast or swallow to big I have a heartburn feeling that passes within in a minute, & my body tells me when to stop ( I either sigh or hiccup ). No BPing or vomiting what so ever. Can only imagine how much I'll lose when I go back to the gym! Oh, yeah....Im also sleeping better & my blood pressure went from a consistent 120/80 to 107/60 !!! I am so happy that I had this done!!!!

well ive been keep a book on mine weight loss and make me made im not see more then what i have been losing but not enought im doing everthing right just seem not enough .. ive been stuck at 189 and 190 for awhile make me mad and all . i know im loseing but it seem it not enough and all i was hoping i can found a friends keep in touch help me though rough patch and maybe give me some ideai on what elsa i can do i look in the mirrow and ask mine self where im i lose it at i see im and then i look at mine self and say where .. husband tell im doing great and im doing fine . just sometime i dont think it enough any one want to text me and chat with me helping me though this rough time please just like the help and meet new friends i want to hit mine mark . it will be a year in nov and i would like to lose 100 by then maybe with some good friends and get some help would be great here mine email sassylucy0472@aol.com or text me 253 341 0467 thanks im debbie :tongue_smilie:

I have finally gotten a schedule date, December 12, 2011 for my required orientation class. Part of me wants to get started sooner, but I have a habit of magical thinking. I know, in my head, that the band will only assist me in taking off the weight and keeping it off, that I need to plan on at least a year of hard work, counting calories and exercising. BUT, there is still this part of me that thinks I will have the surgery and BLAMO, the weight will fall off in six weeks. I have done enough weight loss research to know that isn't going to happen, but it sure would be nice. Robbie

My beloved daughter, who lives with me, is proud of her mother's and my weight loss. Her mother had Roux N Y and is 2 pounds from goal and so am I. My daughter has had weight struggles for years. I told her the operations were just tools, the reduction in eating is what took the weight off. If she just eats the same thing her mother and I eat she would get the same results. She sees that as a road to insanity. The elephant in the room is named hunger. It resides in the brain emotionally and in the stomach physically. I am a stubborn and strong-willed man. I could not conquer it before the sleeve. I can think of no other system that constantly monitors your intake like the restrictive sleeve. What a welcome, life-saving nag! Can anyone think of a method or combination of methods that could come near to the powerful ally we have in the sleeve without an operation?

I had GBS ON 12/10, surgery weight 228lbs, now 214. I have not list anymore weight since 22 Dec, 214. I'm drinking plenty of water, I get in at least 100 grams of protein a day and walk mile each day. I'm still in the liquid stage. My next appreciate is on the 29th. What am I doing wrong?