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I can remember having a second helping of chili with beans and rice, when I was seven, I think, and my mother saying, “Your friends are probably already in bed.” <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p> She died when I was nine, and I bought my first box of cookies soon after that, for twenty-five cents. And that’s when my love affair with cookies began. But I was a think child, even though I’d buy bags of cookies whenever I could, which wasn’t often, because I didn’t get an allowance. My father was an alcoholic, and I stuffed myself when I could, because it felt good. <o:p></o:p> I moved in with one of my older sisters during my senior year in high school, and had three meals a day, something I didn’t always have at my father’s. But my weight began creeping up when I was in my twenties. I remember weighing 209 pounds, and going to a Gloria Marshall figure salon. I lost thirty pounds, maybe thirty-five, because I was 174, and my sister commented on how little I looked. That was the last time I saw the one hundreds. The next time I became conscious of my weight was when it was 290, and I joined Overeaters Anonymous. I went down to 232 and back up to 286, and had a hysterectomy, when I went down to 263. I know there are other times I yo-yoed, but this is the basic pattern. <o:p></o:p> About four years ago, I began working with a personal trainer, but I’m not sure how much weight I’ve lost, because I never allowed myself to be weighed until I began considering getting the lap band. <o:p></o:p> I know a lot of my eating is because of my family life, where I experienced a lot of physical and emotional neglect. My brother called me Fatso, even though I wasn’t big, but like so many, I believed him. One of my sisters called me Brahma, and I always thought it was because she thought I was fat, too, but she told me recently it was because of the way I walked so fast <o:p></o:p> The last time I went to my doctor’s office, I didn’t ask how much I weigh, but it’s got to be over 331. Guess I just didn’t want to know. <o:p></o:p> Oh, did I mention that, like so many others, I too snuck food, even when I went to Gloria Marshall, which I did twice, when I was in OA, I ate sugar free stuff, but still had large portions? Denying myself the sweets only caused me to sneak on weekends or hide food in my closet.

I can tell you that my morbid obesity comes from many factors. The main one is family atmosphere. My first memory of life was being sexually molested along with my baby brother. My parents were teenagers and not very interested in responsibility. The molestation continued for 11 years. I sought the approval and attention of a 30 year old at 16 and became pregnant the first time. I was always at work to pay for my baby and my mom gave him to my older sister at 17. I became a heavy drinker and married at 18. I was by then a full fledged alcoholic. Three days before my 20th birthday I became sober through AA. I spent my 20's in therapy. It helped me tremendously! I gave birth to my second son at 25 and still continued with therapy until the age of 29. I continued to smoke as a crutch until I reached 36. On 4-01-2000 I quit smoking and by 8-29-2005, the day of banding, I went from 155 or so to 280 lbs. Eating had always been my source of comfort, but I was always able to keep within 20lb.s or so of a normal weight. This was only achieved through starvation, diet pills, coffee and many cigarettes. My mom always offered food as a source of comfort and it became a way of life early on. My dad was not in the picture and my step fatheres were alcoholics. My younger brother and sister are both practicing alcoholics and not interested in quitting. I am the outsider because I chose a different life and because I attend church regularly. They will come to me for help, but only on their terms and I don't hear from them unless they need something. It breaks my heart because they will probably die in their addictions. They and my mom are obese as well. My father died 3 years ago from a massive heart attack. He was 58 years old, obese and a heavy smoker and drinker. I had not seen him in 10 years. Fathering was not of interest to him. My brother still wants his approval-sad huh? Well I guess I have cried a river, thanks for listening-or reading. I love all of you, you are all great! Rose in Texas not a victim anymore! banded 8-29-2005

Here’s my story Weighed 3 lbs 11 oz at birth, My Mom thought I looked like a wet rat (I was her 2<SUP>nd</SUP> child) my Dad thought I was beautiful. <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Looking back at baby pic’s I was a normal size kid – but must have started gaining weight in grade school because I remember my Mom taking me to the family doctor to be put on a diet. Must have been 4<SUP>th</SUP> grade. Doctor gave me liquid medicine (must have been some sort of diet pill in liquid form) - I remember losing weight and I don’t know how much I weighted then. I do remember being in 8<SUP>th</SUP> grade weighting 165 and I was considered the fat girl (God how I wish I weighted 165 now) Remember my Mom telling everyone – can you believed she weighed 3 lbs at birth – look at that pretty face. That’s when I started hiding my eating. My Mom was always watching what I ate. I remember coming home from school changing in to my play clothes and stuffing saltines in my pockets and going outside to eat. At our house we had plenty of food – but no one had seconds, I think I was the only one who wanted them. Remember eating what was left over out of the pots as I was doing dishes.<O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Issue’s that may have contributed to my looking to food for comfort – Found my Mother when I was 5 – after she tried to commit suicide. Yes, my Mom had mental issues and was mean to us girls (me & my sister) the boys she loved. My Dad told me once when I was older that my Mom was jealous of me. My Mom could be very abusive and was a mean drunk – On the outside we looked like the Father Knows Best Family (yes I am dating myself ;o) but on the inside of that house there was drama. My Mom was the abuser – to me, my sister and my Father (yes the wife was the abuser not the husband) both verbal & physical <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Then the summer between 8<SUP>th</SUP> grade and my freshman year I lost 30 lbs without even trying – in fact after summer school would come home and eat tons of junk – but again I was a lot more active – walking to baseball games to meet the boys – to and from school.<O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> I weighed 130 when I was 16 and got pg with my Son. Gained 35 lbs during pregnancy and the Doctor kept telling me I was going to look like a whale – Well he gave me diet pills after the birth of my son and between not having $$$ for any extra food and those pills I lost the baby weight and in fact got down to 117. Stayed that way for years – didn’t have $$ for food and had an abusive boyfriend who always had me scared – and would degrade me - Remember Hot Pants – here I was weight 117 – and he told me I looked bad in those shorts. In fact all those yrs that I was skinny I never felt skinny and didn’t realize the body I had until I saw an old boyfriend who said “what happened to that great body you had” <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Well – got rid of that abusive guy – got a nice guy who was a tad chubby his self – and then the weight started back on and with in a yr gained 40 lb – then that boyfriend said I was fat and wouldn’t make love to me – so I went out and found one that would – Now at this time I was weighing about 160 (I’m 5’4). Thick but not fat… <O:p></O:p> Again would gain and lose gain & lose – really didn’t obsess about food too much – would love to eat a bowl of mash potatoes with tons of butter or burritos and sweets. <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Food is my drug of choice. I don’t do drugs or abuse alcohol. I used to be mostly a nighttime eater - could go all day with out eating – still can if I am out doing something (except at work – want to eat – but that’s the stress) But find that I do now eat during the day and watch out at night – I think I self medicate to sleep and I love to sleep on the weekends – I know you are going to say I am depressed – but I don’t feel depressed.. I think I do feel numb as I have read in some of these other post - I think I might be numb maybe that’s why I like the peace and quite of my life – My life is pretty good, I am divorced (which is find with me cuz I don’t need the drama) My 16 yr Grandson lives with me (who by the way is just shy of being anorexia) – I live in a nice house, drive a nice car – have no money issues. But I still EAT --- Eat – I am at my heaviest (last time around – before in my late 30’s 232 was my highest ) Now at 52 I am 240 and being menopausal it’s all over but now my tummy is the biggest it’s ever been)<O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> I eat because I Can, I eat because I Hate feeling Deprived, I eat when I’m Bored, I eat cuz it taste good – and get seconds or thirds (when I make something good) cuz I don’t taste the 1<SUP>st</SUP> serving – but by the 2<SUP>nd</SUP> serving it’s taking real good and I want more. And then after I go to bed it’s up again to eat more so I can go to sleep and then I wake up again and eat some more. –I don’t exercise – It’s too much effort to change clothes when I get home and go for a walk – it’s so much easier to change into my house dress and plop my fat ass in front of the TV.<O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Ok – so this got a little long – but it’s my history – I want to get banded and have been talking about it for a year now – but haven’t done anything about it. I think I am afraid to lose my friend FOOD… I have high blood pressure – my Dad had heart problems (my family all has a tendency to be on the heavy side – My Dad got real big after his divorce from my Mom (who did successed in killing herself when I was 15) My Brother who died had weight issues too – and my baby bro is most likely 280 my big sis really doesn’t have a weight issue – but what we all have in common is being night eaters) <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> I am here on this board looking into what to expect if I get banded – I don’t want to die, but why can’t I just take the 1<SUP>st</SUP> step and call the Bypass Doctor. Am I hiding behind my fat?? <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> I don’t like difficult things in my life and if it’s to difficult I won’t do it – I think that’s why I don’t even try anymore to diet. It’s just too hard – it is easier being fat. (Not really but you know what I mean) <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Can I go to the surgeon directly – I have Blue Cross Ppo(California) I have done all the diets – Pills – Weight Watchers – Jenny Craig – Medifast – etc but none are recorded with my current Doctor.<O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Well, my dinner is burning – and I wish I was as articulate as some other these other posters and maybe I gave too much info – but I NEED HELP – Skinny people don’t understand Fat people – they think all you have to do is stop eating – well if I could do that I wouldn’t be fat...:help: <O:p></O:p>

I was in shape until I graduated HS. I ran almost daily and lifted weights. I was a size six. I felt great. Then I went through a very difficult 7 years with my family. It completely fell apart. My dad left my mom, she tried to commit suicide, my dad went to treatment for alcoholism 3 x and some other ugly stuff. It was right at the same time that I began to live on my own and in college. I ate too much, ate out too often, used food and alcohol to cope with the stress of my family. I did not even notice how fast it was coming on. I recall buying bigger stuff but not really knowing how big I was. I was in denial. I quickly gained 100 lbs. I have then hovered at the same weight (give or take 20) for 7 years. However, I cannot make the needed changes long enough to have successful weight loss. So I guess I am fat because I turned food into a coping mechanism many years ago. I hope to change that on 5/22/12......

reif78: heck yeah that makes sense. I can't tell you how many times I wished I preferred alcohol or coke instead of food. At least with those things your dysfunction isn't so readily apparent. I'm actually not kidding which tells you a lot about why I'm fat. JSOTO: congratulations! You sound great and like you really have your head on right! It helps people like me read things like that from people like you!

:thumbup: TOTALLY ! Used to be not overweight in school, never was "skinny", but used to be "healthy" and a competitive swimmer. But since I started working fulltime, eat out more often, alcohol nights and got heartbroken.. :smile2: I lost balance in exercising & eating. When I feel hurt, the more I don't like to look at myself... I eat to find comfort. :thumbup: Until I realize it, I've lost myself. In a span of 5 years, gained from 130ish to 220lbs...

If the sadness and other symptoms of depression is long lasting, intense, or interferes with daily life (work, relationships, self care), you owe it to yourself to see a professional for an assessment. Think about it this way: if you were feeling bodily pain of the same duration and intensity, would you get it checked out? If so, then treat mental pain the same way. One thing I've thought of is what happens to people who use alcohol or drugs to cope (whether they have an addiction or not) and then stop using. The very lack of a major coping tool that was effective for sadness and anxiety (regardless that this was a tool that hurt in the big picture, it can be pretty dang effective for a while) can uncover existing mood problems or simply make every day stresses much harder to cope with until the person forms other coping methods. I think most people in cultures with abundant food use food to cope with stress, sadness, anxiety, etc and those morbidly obese probably more often or intensely than average. Learning new coping methods is a fairly easy problem to solve. Recovering from a mood disorder is usually a bit more difficult but depression is a very treatable problem through therapy and/ or medication.

This is not a study, only a recommendation by the ASMBS for certain surgery types and the introduction of certain foods during the post op diet phases. It is only an excerpt of a very lengthy article. I am not going to argue this point, everyone needs to do what they feel is best for them based upon their surgeon's and nutritionist's recommendations. There are polar opposite opinions by the medical professionals on carbonation stretching your stomach, so it is not something that they seem to agree upon. I guess err on the side of caution if you want to feel safe. This document is intended to provide an overview of the elements that are important to the nutritional care of the bariatric patient. It is not intended to serve as training, a statement of standardization, or scientific consensus. It should be viewed as an educational tool to increase awareness among medical professionals of the potential risk of nutritional deficiencies common to bariatric surgery patients. The goal of this document is to provide suggestions for conducting a nutrition assessment, education, supplementation, and follow-up care. These suggestions are not mandates and should be treated with common sense. When needed, exceptions should be made according to individual variations and the evaluation findings. It is intended to present a reasonable approach to patient nutrition care and at the same time allow for flexibility among individual practice-based protocols, procedures, and policies....... .....Similar to AGB and RYGB, programs offering DS/BPD procedures reported that the clear liquid diet phase is employed for one to two days after surgery. The full liquid phase was most commonly noted to last >10 to 14 days, while the pureed phase was reported to be >14 days. Most programs report that a ground texture phase is not utilized. The soft diet phase was reported to last >14 days. Finally, those programs offering DS/BPD most often reported advancing patients to a regular diet five to eight weeks after surgery. **Foods commonly restricted ** The American Society for Metabolic and Bariatric Surgery members reported in the survey that patients were instructed to avoid or delay the introduction of several foods as noted in [Table 9](#tbl9). Research to support these clinical practices is limited, especially with regard to caffeine and carbonation. Practitioners might theorize that certain foods and beverages will cause gastric irritation, outlet obstruction, intolerance, delayed wound healing, or alter the weight loss course; however, much of the information is anecdotal and lacks empirical evidence. In addition, although practitioners recommend that patients avoid or delay the introduction of these foods, little information is known as to whether patients actually comply with these recommendations and whether those who do not comply have altered outcomes or clinical histories. One retrospective survey suggested that many patients are noncompliant with diet and exercise recommendations [[174]](#bib174). food type Recommendation Sugar, sugar-containing foods, concentrated sweets Avoid Carbonated beverages Avoid/delay fruit juice Avoid High-saturated fat, fried foods Avoid Soft “doughy” bread, Pasta, rice Avoid/delay Tough, dry, red meat Avoid/delay Nuts, popcorn, other fibrous foods Delay Caffeine Avoid/delay in moderation Alcohol Avoid/delay in moderation The article: https://asmbs.org/resources/integrated-health-nutritional-guidelines

The pain for upwards of month after, not being able to tolerate food or foods that I enjoy, diarrhea, vomiting, heartburn, no alcohol for 6 months to a year, no nsaids, potential gallstones, hernia , hair loss to name a few.

Morning girls~ Thanks Michelle...I was thinking I was "getting old" with all my blabbering. This is my journal/blog thingy...haha! I can't have alcohol for 6mos to a year (not really a biggie), but margies have like 700 cal, I think I will sip a shot of patron silver WHEN I return to cocktails. Same effect 650 less cals! Well, today is the day! I woke up at 6:30 and was at the gym by 7am! I kicked ass and enjoyed it. Now I am home sipping my coffee on ice. I get 3 Protein shakes, 1 Proti Soup and 1 bar today:thumbdown:. So...I am trying to go sparringly, I've had 1/2 a bar (I was starving at the gym). I see a BIG NAP in my future. My back is hurting (mid cycle ovulation so something) so I might take a pain pill and make my nap BIGGER...haha! Today I weighed in (after the gym and tons of lifting weights) at 272. So, I'll use that as my starting weight. I liked 269 better, but I forgot to weigh in before I worked out. 32 to reach Christmas goal!!! Today we are doing NOTHING! I've started The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. I like it but need "the hook" which I hope is coming soon. I need to download some books ASAP before the hospital (now that Amazon removed that horrible book). Tomorrow is church then grocery shopping (VERY SMALL LIST). Then home again...aaahhhhh! HAVE A GREAT DAY/WEEKEND! Love you girls! xooxxo:wub:

You know those pregnant girls, Judy... crazy cravings! :thumbup: I have the "Cookbook Collector on reserve @ the library. Right now I'm reading "Little Bee". How about that new Oprah fav? Women, food, and God... O says it'll "end your war with food". Here's an excerpt: Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth When I was in high school, I used to dream about having Melissa Morris's legs, Toni Oliver's eyes, and Amy Breyer's hair. I liked my skin, my breasts, and my lips, but everything else had to go. Then, in my 20s, I dreamed about slicing off pieces of my thighs and arms the way you carve a turkey, certain that if I could cut away what was wrong, only the good parts?the pretty parts, the thin parts?would be left. I believed there was an end goal, a place at which I would arrive and forevermore be at peace. And since I also believed that the way to get there was by judging and shaming and hating myself, I also believed in diets. Diets are based on the unspoken fear that you are a madwoman, a food terrorist, a lunatic. The promise of a diet is not only that you will have a different body; it is that in having a different body, you will have a different life. If you hate yourself enough, you will love yourself. If you torture yourself enough, you will become a peaceful, relaxed human being. Although the very notion that hatred leads to love and that torture leads to relaxation is absolutely insane, we hypnotize ourselves into believing that the end justifies the means. We treat ourselves and the rest of the world as if deprivation, punishment, and shame lead to change. We treat our bodies as if they are the enemy and the only acceptable outcome is annihilation. Our deeply ingrained belief is that hatred and torture work. And although I've never met anyone?not one person?for whom warring with their bodies led to long-lasting change, we continue to believe that with a little more self-disgust, we'll prevail. But the truth is that kindness, not hatred, is the answer. The shape of your body obeys the shape of your beliefs about love, value, and possibility. To change your body, you must first understand that which is shaping it. Not fight it. Not force it. Not deprive it. Not shame it. Not do anything but accept and?yes, Virginia?understand it. Because if you force and deprive and shame yourself into being thin, you end up a deprived, shamed, fearful person who will also be thin for ten minutes. When you abuse yourself (by taunting or threatening yourself), you become a bruised human being no matter how much you weigh. When you demonize yourself, when you pit one part of you against another?your ironclad will against your bottomless hunger?you end up feeling split and crazed and afraid that the part you locked away will, when you are least prepared, take over and ruin your life. Losing weight on any program in which you tell yourself that left to your real impulses you would devour the universe is like building a skyscraper on sand: Without a foundation, the new structure collapses. Change, if it is to be long-lasting, must occur on the unseen levels first. With understanding, inquiry, openness. With the realization that you eat the way you do for lifesaving reasons. I tell my retreat students that there are always exquisitely good reasons why they turn to food. Can you imagine how your life would have been different if each time you were feeling sad or angry as a kid, an adult said to you, "Come here, sweetheart, tell me all about it"? If when you were overcome with grief at your best friend's rejection, someone said to you, "Oh, darling, tell me more. Tell me where you feel those feelings. Tell me how your belly feels, your chest. I want to know every little thing. I'm here to listen to you, hold you, be with you." All any feeling wants is to be welcomed with tenderness. It wants room to unfold. It wants to relax and tell its story. It wants to dissolve like a thousand writhing snakes that with a flick of kindness become harmless strands of rope. The path from obsession to feelings to presence is not about healing our "wounded children" or feeling every bit of rage or grief we never felt so that we can be successful, thin, and happy. We are not trying to put ourselves together. We are taking who we think we are apart. We feel the feelings not so that we can blame our parents for not saying, "Oh, darling," not so that we can express our anger to everyone we've never confronted, but because unmet feelings obscure our ability to know ourselves. As long as we take ourselves to be the child who was hurt by an unconscious parent, we will never grow up. We will never know who we actually are. We will keep looking for the parent who never showed up and forget to see that the one who is looking is no longer a child. I tell my retreat students that they need to remember two things: to eat what they want when they're hungry and to feel what they feel when they're not. Inquiry?the feel-what-you-feel part?allows you to relate to your feelings instead of retreat from them. Sometimes when I ask students what they are feeling in their bodies, they have no idea. It's been a couple of light-years since they felt anything in or about their bodies that wasn't judgment or loathing. So it's good to ask some questions that allow you to focus on the sensations themselves. You can ask yourself if the feeling has a shape, a temperature, a color. You can ask yourself how it affects you to feel this. And since no feeling is static, you keep noticing the changes that occur in your body as you ask yourself these questions. If you get stuck, it's usually because you're having a reaction to a particular feeling?you don't want to feel this way, you'd rather be happy right now, you don't like people who feel like this?or you're locked into comparing/judging mode. So, be precise. "I feel a gray heap of ashes in my chest" rather than "I feel something odd and heavy." Don't try to direct the process by having preferences or agendas. Let the inquiry move in its own direction. Notice whatever arises, even if it surprises you. "Oh, I thought I was sad, but now I see that this is loneliness. It feels like a ball of rubber bands in my stomach." Welcome the rubber bands. Give them room. Watch what happens. Keep coming back to the direct sensations in your body. Pay attention to things you've never told anyone, secrets you've kept to yourself. Do not censor anything. Do not get discouraged. It takes a while to trust the immediacy of inquiry since we are so used to directing everything with our minds. It is helpful, though not necessary, to do inquiry with a guide or a partner so that you can have a witness and a living reminder to come back to the sensation and the location. Most of all, remember that inquiry is not about discovering answers to puzzling problems but a direct and experiential revelation process. It's fueled by love. It's like taking a dive into the secret of existence itself; it is full of surprises, twists, side trips. You engage in it because you want to penetrate the unknown, comprehend the incomprehensible. Because when you evoke curiosity and openness with a lack of judgment, you align yourself with beauty and delight and love?for their own sake. You become the benevolence of God in action. A few years ago, I received a letter from someone who'd included a Weight Watchers ribbon on which was embossed "I lost ten pounds." Underneath the gold writing, the letter writer added "And I still feel like crap." We think we're miserable because of what we weigh. And to the extent that our joints hurt and our knees ache and we can't walk three blocks without losing our breath, we probably are physically miserable because of extra weight. But if we've spent the last five, 20, 50 years obsessing about the same ten or 20 pounds, something else is going on. Something that has nothing to do with weight. Most people are so glad to read about, hear about, and then begin any approach that doesn't focus on weight loss as its main agenda that they take it to be license to eat without restraint. "Aha!" they say. "Someone finally understands that it's not about the weight." It's never been about the weight. It's not even about food. "Great," they say, "let's eat. A lot. Let's not stop." And the truth is that it's not about the weight. Either you want to wake up or you want to go to sleep. You either want to anesthetize yourself or you do not. You either want to live or you want to die. But it's also not not about the weight. No one can argue that being a hundred pounds overweight is not physically challenging; the reality of sheer poundage and its physical consequences cannot be denied. Some people at my retreats can't sit in a chair comfortably. They can't walk up a slight incline without feeling pain. Their doctors tell them their lives are in danger unless they lose weight. They need knee replacements, hip replacements, LAP-BAND surgeries. The pressure on their hearts, their kidneys, their joints is too much for their body to tolerate and still function well. So it is about the weight to the extent that weight gets in the way of basic function: of feelings, of doing, of moving, of being fully alive. The bottom line, whether you weigh 340 pounds or 150 pounds, is that when you eat when you are not hungry, you are using food as a drug, grappling with boredom or illness or loss or grief or emptiness or loneliness or rejection. Food is only the middleman, the means to the end. Of altering your emotions. Of making yourself numb. Of creating a secondary problem when the original problem becomes too uncomfortable. Of dying slowly rather than coming to terms with your messy, magnificent, and very, very short?even at a hundred years?life. The means to these ends happens to be food, but it could be alcohol, it could be work, it could be sex, it could be cocaine. Surfing the Internet. Talking on the phone. For a variety of reasons we don't fully understand (genetics, temperament, environment), those of us who are compulsive eaters choose food. Not because of its taste. Not because of its texture or its color. We want quantity, volume, bulk. We need it?a lot of it?to go unconscious. To wipe out what's going on. The unconsciousness is what's important, not the food. Sometimes people will say, "But I just like the taste of food. In fact, I love the taste! Why can't it be that simple? I overeat because I like food." But. When you like something, you pay attention to it. When you like something?love something?you take time with it. You want to be present for every second of the rapture. But overeating does not lead to rapture: It leads to burping and farting and being so sick that you can't think of anything but how full you are. That's not love; that's suffering. I'm not exactly proud to say that I have been miserable anywhere, with anything, with anyone. I've been miserable standing in a field of a thousand sunflowers in southern France in mid-June. I've been miserable weighing 80 pounds and wearing a size 0. And I've been happy wearing a size 18, been happy sitting with my dying father, been happy being a switchboard operator. But like many people, I've had the "When I Get Thin (Change Jobs, Move, Find a Relationship, Leave This Relationship, Have Money) Blues." It's called the "If Only" refrain. It's called postponing your life and your ability to be happy to a future date when then, oh then, you will finally get what you want and life will be good. You will stop turning to food when you start understanding in your body, not just your mind, that there is something better than turning to food. And this time, when you lose weight, you will keep it off. Truth, not force, does the work of ending compulsive eating. The poet Galway Kinnell wrote that "sometimes it is necessary to reteach a thing its loveliness." Everything we do, I tell my students, is to reteach ourselves our loveliness. Diets are the result of your belief that you have to atone for being yourself to be worthy of existing. Until the belief is understood and questioned, no amount of weight loss will touch the part of you that is convinced it is damaged. It will make sense to you that hatred leads to love and that torture leads to peace because you will be operating on the conviction that you must starve or deprive or punish the badness out of you. You won't keep extra weight off, because being at your natural weight does not match your convictions about the way life unfolds. But once the belief and the subsequent decisions are questioned, diets and being uncomfortable in your body lose their seductive allure. Only kindness makes sense. Anything else is excruciating. You are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved. The Sufi poet Rumi, writing about birds learning to fly, wrote: "How do they learn it? They fall, and falling, they're given wings." If you wait until you have Toni Oliver's eyes and Amy Breyer's hair, if you wait to respect yourself until you are at the weight you imagine you need to be to respect yourself, you will never respect yourself. To be given wings, you've got to be willing to believe that you were put on this Earth for more than your endless attempts to lose the same 30 pounds 300 times for 80 years. And that goodness and loveliness are possible, even in something as mundane as what you put in your mouth for Breakfast. Beginning now.

WOW this is great to see people discussing their problems without trying to find excuses. I too have mental ilness and my main addiction is food. I quit smoking no problem -I don't care about any type of drugs including alcohol. But giving up the way I eat is an on going struggle. I compare it to the person that still smokes even though smoking is literally killing them.Thank GOD for WLS. I am losing slow but what is the alternative? killing myself with food? To me addiction is a fascinating subject.This is a great thread!! It's good to see people question and understand the reasons for their weight.No matter that I have a mental illness or addiction issues I am still the one that put me in this position.

The appeal for Atlanta to me is primarily because that is the heart of promotion opportunities within my part of my company. I also like the office there. Ever go somewhere and feel like "these are my people?" The women dress up, it is multicultural, the average age is a bit younger - just an energizing place to be. i like any workplace that when I show up to visit I get hugs and kisses - there just isn't enough of that in this world for my tastes! I don't feel that way in our Boston office and in fact refused to move there. I have been part of the Seattle office for over 20 years and am just tired of it and it also has very little executive presence since the big reorg of 08/09 so limited growth opportunities. I had fun seeing Dan play with Austin Jenke on Wednesday. Austin is a hometown hero who was on the voice. More importantly he works as a profiessional songwriter and now lives in Nashville. He has "made it" in the industry even if he isn't well known outside of his hometown. He has a great voice and the show was crazy well received. It was insane to me how many people knew Dan too and he just plays Seattle based gigs with Austin. (he mostly plays with a variety of bands not just Austin) My anxiety went sky high earlier this week over my waiting forever for the mammogram before I can actually see specialists over my breast problem. Sky high anxiety - it has been amping up for weeks but this week became something I couldnt manage on my own. I drank too much one night (you know wine instead of dinner) and luckily only had a silly conversation with Dan which he thought was hilarous but that bad judgement could have been much worse. I talked to my EX who still knows how to soothe me and who coached me to get some short term anxiety meds and get some sleep. I did that from my new doctor and last night I slept the first decent night in weeks - no alcohol - just was able to sleep. I woke up paniced, took 1/2 dose and slept. I feel better able to cope with work today and feel more like myself since I am neither exhausted nor wound up or some horrible combination of both which has been my life the last week or two. Thank God. Now if I can just keep from "cycling up" again until I get my diagnosis.

Ladies I need your help and support. I have put on so much weight this year and I'm frightened. I weigh 20lb more now than I did at the beginning of the year. I know it has been a tough year with unemployment, house move, renovations, death and flood but it seems I have ate my way through it all and had my head in the sand concerning the scales. It is not just the food it would seem that our weekend wine has been extended to weekdays too. I do have a plan - January no alcohol(quite common in the UK these days), back to 5:2 including eating well on the 5 days, exercise (I have booked the trainer to come back starting Tuesday). I'm going to make my weigh in day a Wednesday. So please if I don't 'report in at least one a week badger, 'shout', 'shake' me until I respond. I'm sat here on the last day of the year crying at my own stupidity for letting things get so bad. Best wishes to everyone for 2015.

Coops, love the pulley and matching slippers too, you have got the look. Globe I'm so glad you had a good day, I was concerned about you being on your own. It's good that you were able to connect with family. I know what you mean when emotions surface and it can be anything that sets it off. We have a crib set that is put out each year ( had it about 25 years) and baby Jesus is only put out on Christmas night - usually the last job I do before bed. I get quite emotional as I put the baby in the manger as I am usually reflecting on the year and giving thanks for all the blessings in my life. As a side, on Christmas morning everyone must visit the crib and see the 'baby', it is usually our first greeting to each other "happy Christmas, have you seen the 'baby'"?when the boys were young we used to assemble around the crib and sing Happy Birthday to the 'baby'. At 20 and 26 I think they are a bit old for that. Georgia, I like the insight of your post I too can see my role changing, the boys don't have partners yet but as and when that happens I imagine that the mum role diminishes a bit (though we will always be mum) as their life evolves around their own circumstances. I suppose we just need to look forward and decide what other 'role' we want to invite into our lives be it artist, musician, friend, befriended etc. LV I know you have said this might not be your best/ happiest season, glad you survived. The only naughty things in the house now are alcohol and chocolates, the alcohol I can leave but the chocolates are shouting out to me. I will have to encourage those men here to eat up. Got a piece of gammon on, boiling away nicely for dinner tonight and we are all off to the cinema in a couple of hours. The vote was anchorman 2 which sounds really daft but I will enjoy us all being together. Enjoy your day everyone.

Swim posts in the vets forum alot, just click on the link in her siggy and you pretty much get the picture. I thought I had a lot to learn from her but it is more conspiracy theories then anything useful to me. Stopped seeing Tino a bit ago. It just wasn't working out. I am not sure if he intentionally misled me in what he was looking for or perhaps he didn't really know or perhaps he just found me less appealing after all but I didn't want to be just dad's girlfriend... I want someone to do fun stuff with as a couple. Had a blast this last weekend, went dancing and stuff. Family tragedy has happened though, I am just sick over it. Someone I used to be very close to but who has sorta let alcoholism drive a wedge in her relationships has been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. I am getting a bit of post traumatic stress due to my history of dealing with my sisters illness and death. This is just ugly and horrid and I will spare you all the details but it's really bad. I am immediately aware that I need to be very deliberate about not returning to depression, like, I just feel so emotionally overwhelmed by it that I just don't know. Right now I want to sleep but I need to work.

Hello everyone!!! My gosh, I hate when our group is unhappy! It is one of the frustrations of our online friendship (maybe the only one?) when one of you has a problem, needs help, whatever, I cannot just hop in the car and run over to your place to help. I truly wish I could. Betty--I am so glad Alan's tests went well, and hope he is healing well from the angiogram. It is a relief to actually SEE the rest of everything is working, and know they consider it nothing major! I hope the schedule works so he can get it done soon, and have the Spring and Summer to begin walking again, and building up his strength. Rick had his in August, and it was too doggone hot to walk outside some days, and then before we knew it, fall was upon us! I loved being banded in the Spring, it was the perfect time. I think it would be for him as well. I hope your stress levels ease some---I can so remember the fear. ((((Big giant hugs)))) Eficka--The very last thing I said to my former friend was "Friendship requires trust, we have none, so we have no friendship." I see her around, she avoids meeting my eyes. She looks like what she is---an alcoholic. She has several years on your friend--we are 46, but time will do it to her as well. It is a hard life, and one I would think is hard to live as well. My brother had alcohol issues for awhile, and he was horrid to be around. I chose not to be around him often, so why would I choose someone knowing that about them. I am not anti-alcohol. I am anti-abuse. When it causes problems---it IS a problem. You will mourn the friendship---or at least what you thought the friendship was. It is normal for you to be able to think of little else. It IS a major issue in your life right now. While the inside you is not changing as drastically as the outside, it IS changing. You are gaining in self confidence, as you lose in size. It is good. Just as Fiona deserves better, so do you. And here is your ((((big, giant hug)))). Yep Amourette---you deserve better. You could have had much worse, but you deserve better! Your job, makes it such a different possibility! I mean for myself, if I were single, in the rural area I live in, I could go to the next town over, go to bars, or to events, like local rodeos etc. but I would have definite limitations. You have the world at your feet--literally!!!!! You could meet a man in the USA, or one in Italy......oh the possibilities!!! And you like Eficka are changing, your self confidence, although it took a beating this week, Is going to soar! Self confidence attracts people---even male people!!! I am so sorry you are hurting....but better to know now, it is for the best. I send you ((((big, giant hugs ))))too! Julie---I have no doubt Onederland is sitting there waiting for you with open arms! I cannot get there!!! I think my GPS is broken! I think I would have made it, but I am in a place where I am building muscle now. I have dropped from a 16 to a 14 in pants, and my body fat percentage has dropped by over 10 points. Measured on the same machine, at the same time of day. I have gone from being able to do 5 sit ups to doing 2 sets of 20...underneath that layer (and it is a pretty good layer still!!!) of fat, I can feel muscle. I also have a bicep to be proud of!!! Triceps are still hiding under the wing of fat, but I feel them there!!! The biggest change is one only I notice---it is in my lats. I used to have a roll over my bra on the side/back---it is gone. My bra band has dropped another size as well. BUT the scale sits tight, it jumps from 202.5-205---not over, not under!!! I hate to go for another fill, I am in a good place eating wise. I can eat most things, I can likely eat more than is ideal, but it is less than I did by far. I do not want to worry about food. When I am tight, I stress over what will work and what won't. So I want to do this without another fill at this point. I know Spring will help, lots to DO!!! Boo---WOW!!!! 110/51!!!! I thought I was doing good---mine closked in at 118/72. I see I have more work to do!!! You have done such an awesome job!!! Bluehill---how you doing? Hanging in there? How much longer til they think you can get home? Roberta---where ya at? Ok I need to get some things done. My Mom is having knee surgery tomorrow, I am battling with my oldest DD---and feeling like hell for it. It is not starting out a great day.....hope it improves! TTYL, Kat

hi everybody:-) Im up for that challenge althoough Im afraid 19 excercise sessions is bit to much:-) although if walking and shopping (I mean walking from one store to another) counts then I might actually do it:-) I had a rough week, we went out with my friend and she got so drunk (she does that a lot lately Im afraid shes an alcoholic) and she tried to seduce the guy I was flirting with and it worked both ways(seducing-not in some soft way she was like all over him trying to kiss him and her hands everywhere) .I was so mad because in a long time it was a guy I liked and he liked me!! there was no point of talking to her because she was so drunk that she wouldnt get what I was saying from her ears to her brain. In the end they decided they want more drinks, I didnt join them cause I had to go to work next day and also didnt want to deal with shitfaced friend (excuse my French:-)so the next day I found out that she took him home and slept with him!!!yep she spreads her legs while saying hi to a guy.I know I sound bitter, but I guess I am. I always told her not to sleep with random guys like hours after she meets them-cause of her safety and health (nope she doesnt use any protection except for a pill) but she didnt listen and I thought ok she knows what I think and shes an adult, but now her behaviour is actually affecting me! Shes 32 she should have a brain and know how to use it! I told her that I was upset with her, but all she said is that she was drunk and doesnt remember anything. Now what Im mad about is basically that she spoiled my chance to get to know that guy better and find out if we could see each other more often. I really liked him and he liked me, but I guess since his alcohol level was going up he went from hating Stepanka (first he was disghusred with her)to ok maybe I could sleep with her, hey its for free and he is a man. Sorry for bothering you with this but I had to went it out.thanx for reading:-)

Hmm. Why AM I fat? I am thinking this one over. I think a little bit is genetic. Both of my parents had a weight problem. Emotional eating is the basis of it. One parent was a binge alcoholic and the other was just an alcoholic towards the end of life. Though us kids were provided for financially. The uncertainty of what you were going be greeted with when we got off the bus was a worry for me. Some of my brothers and sister compensated for it by either being "big drinkers" once they left home, or (1) being an overachiver in his business life (I think to prove he is "good" as the other people-BTW-he isn't fat), or being fat (me). Both parents passed away, my daddy was killed in an accident (when he was drunk) by driving into a moving train when I was 12, and my mom died of cancer 4 years later. I went to live with my sister at 16, and she was into her own thing at that time-drinking and partying due to a divorce-and she wanted me to babysit every weekend. I rebelled! I wanted to party too because of dealing with all of the emotional crap of losing my parents so young. I was thinking, "Party on, because you're next in line!" So I moved out and was on my own at a very early age. I should have stayed there and babysat, as it turned out! At that time I was wearing size 12-13. I thought I was HUGE at a size 12. My sister was a size 8, so to compare myself to her, I was huge. Now I don't see it the same way. So I left her home, partied til I was emotionally bankrupted, and finally called an end to the party at the age of 21! I met my husband and we got married. It's been a tough marriage in some ways. He would stay out when we were first married until midnight-1 am, and he had a hard time getting up to go to work. He would leave me without a car, money, diapers, and cigarettes. So we worked thru all that crap (I left him for about a month when I was pregnant with our second child). I guess he really did like having us around. He straightened up about his own partying and getting to work. It is amazing he didn't get fired. BUT, he turned it into passive agressive behavior. HE would not leave the house for anything! It was a big, big happening when he went to family things. I have gone to many family functions without him thru the years. Until I left him again just a few years ago over his personality issues, I guess with age he mellowed..... He will attend some stuff now, but he usually just sits in a chair watching tv or sleeping! so thru the years, I have tried to be both father and mother to my kids, and I guess I got into the "after the kids go to bed because all this junk is not good for them type snacking". And I drink a lot of Coca Cola. NOT diet Coke. So here I am, 27 years later, overweight by 100 pounds. That's my story. YIKES, I need really do need theraphy!!! I am really not sure I want to post this, but I am going to "Post Quick Reply"....here goesss....click!

Not a single person in my family is obese. A little heavy, maybe. I wanted love and acceptance. I have 3 older sisters and had an oler brother(o d on drugs). When I was little I would watch my mother kiss, cuddle give I Love You's to my brother and wait for my turn. But It never came. I was never invited to sit on my Mothers lap. Than my opinions became "stupid". I made no sense, "you don't know what your talking about". She made fun of me when I cryed. My brother was also an alcoholic and would put me down and tell me how fat my thighs were.(i was only 120lbs) He would tell me I don't deserve to eat the food in the frige or have the eye glasses on my face. Oh, the joy of family. When I was little, I use to sleep with my mother, you guess it, my father left us to be with his other Family. But would pop in with treats of FOOD. Any way, my Mother would make us, her and I, special bologna sandwiches @ nite. She would cut the crust off, spread the mayo just so, and cut it in perfect little squares. We would sit in bed wacth TV and drink milk and eat. Gee I wonder why I like to snack at night? And think so little of myself. Or why I have a screwed up relationship with men. Our eating comes from the same place inside us, how do we "fix" or "fill" that place?

Sean - I followed a nearly liquid diet with some limited cheating and dropped almost 15 #s in two weeks before my surgery. Heck, the day before the surgery I broke every rule and did a pizza buffet with a friend (but severely limited what I ate).. I was afraid that was going to cost me the surgery. It was hard but I cut out all the fun foods - soda, pizza, Panda Express, Pasta, Soups, BEER, alcohol, and marijuana... and even when I traveled, I would still go to Panda Express, but get teriyaki chicken with NO sauce with white rice and drink Water. My doctor had a *very* strict diet, as I guess they get a high failure rate of people who can't lose the weight. But a lot of water, fruits & veggies did the trick for me.

I'm sensing a bit of envy here. We are all only victims of our own choices. Not trying to add insult to injury but perhaps you could have been in control of whether or not they came over? Asked them to leave? Kicked his bag out of the house? What drugs was he on? People who use marijuana are passive non-aggressive. Sounds like he was on either crack/coke/meth or even alcohol. I have crap inlaws too, and I've point blank told my husband to make a choice, me and our family or his family. We haven't had a problem for a long time now with them. (the bad ones) not all of the inlaws are bad. I also work in the Social Service field specifically within the GAL. juvenile protection and I've never heard of DHS removing children for someone elses stash. Further, an on-site drug test could have been administered, and if brother in law admitted it was his bag, then his stuff wouldn't be impacting you. If anyone, a minor posession charge which is a misdermeaner could be issued. A traffic ticket is also a misdermeaner. DHS doesn't take children away for misdermeaner charges, and further "a few small baggies" sounds like its less then 25 grams, and is simply a fine. http://norml.org/laws/penalties/item/new-york-penalties-2

I remember researching this long before surgery. I'm a little over five weeks out now and I smoked again for the first time last week. Since then, I've smoked twice more. Honestly, it is something I will probably always do. I am not a big drinker and my body responds good to weed. I get relaxed and it's something that can really make a night out with friends more enjoyable. As for the munchies, I haven't had any issues. I went to dinner with my friend and had my small plate of food. I ate slow and really relished the taste of it. I actually think I ate slower than I would sober because I was so aware of everything. Honestly, it's not for everyone. I get that some people will always frown upon it. But I personally think alcohol is far worse for you AND for your sleeve. To each their own!

Thank you so much, I think I am getting there by realizing that I have to ditch the alcohol which leads to snacking. I also have to exercise for at least 30 minutes a day at least 5 days a week. Thank you for the support. I hate that this thread has slowed down so much because I really need the support. This has happened to me so many times since being banded the bottom line is we have to follow the rules as you know. Sometimes we self sabotage so I totally understand the I don't know why.

It is easier to point the finger of blame than worry about what our OWN cell phones, air conditioning, gasoline, alcohol, cigarette, food, paper product, etc., comsumption is costing the earth... That makes me wonder...what kind of "burden" do cell phones put on the earth's resources...all that infrastructure...plastic...probably taking advantage of some underdeveloped country's labor supply, too....???