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Wow! Had to get a new drivers license today and with a the crazy new technology the computer asked for more ID! It didn't recognize me as the same person I was 5 years ago and 105 pounds heavier! Best visit to DMV ever!

So what have I been up to for the last year or so? Well, I have not been on here as much as I intended to, and I miss it! To provide a brief back story, my mother passed away a week after I was sleeved (1/4/2012) and it was devastating. As the year progressed I tried to cope and put it behind me, and I think I did to an extent. However, to an equal extent I did not cope with my Mother's passing as much as tuck it away. That always ends well right? The winter/spring of '12/'13 found me at a loss to describe the constant feeling of something lacking. I questioned everything (except my marriage). I never gave up yoga, I have been doing it for over 20 years. The weight loss I realized had allowed my body to handle "hot yoga". I was well aware of the benefits but at my original size I could not handle the heat. Now I could. For the first time I felt confident enough to not just be a heavy person in a room full of thin people doing yoga. I participated, I was an asset, it left me open to feelings and I finally began to cope. Fast forward a year and I have got my hours in as an assistant yogi and working at my favorite studio, and preparing to take teacher training in the spring. Then I dislocate my shoulder. I gained some weight back. Somewhere between 15-20 lbs. I also missed my training, (I will eventually take it!) The shoulder was a bit more serious than we originally thought and it takes months to get anywhere near normal again (I am still limited in mobility). So back to modified yoga with an emphasis on my arm, and to cure the boredom I began to visit old familiar types of yoga, and newer ideas. Then something wonderful happened!!!! I stumbled upon a lady who has been a yogi for over forty years, and she created a yoga program that is designed for heavier people, the heaviest people, too. The bedridden, even. The modifications are the norm, it is done in little or no heat, the yogi is reminded they can reach down and move their gut. There is much more than that, and it makes yoga available to everyone, you walk into a space created by people just like them, and they are all able to progress and respond coming from a familiar place. It has always been my desire to get yoga out to everyone who wants to try it. To make it available that as long as they have their breath, they have yoga. I work with amputees, children, and neighbors that don't have time to get to a studio. Now I get to expand on that. So I am bringing it to Houston, and I am so excited!!! I cannot say I feel lucky - I feel blessed, I feel grace, I have been placed in a position to be the steward of something I feel very positive about, truly being able to be of service. So for me that is the biggest NSV, possibly ever.

No NSV is silly! Congratulations!

awesome NSV!

a week really isn't a stall...2-3 weeks is! TRUST ME, I KNOW But just stay on track and it will move...this is the time to explore your NSVs!

NSVs are the best! (well other than the scale moving downward )

@@Mick Molloy Fantastic! You are doing great! How long left of Optifast for you? @@steveelea great NSV Yous must be feeling pretty good! So happy for you all. Don't stress about the +1, I weighed myself and I was up 3kg but waited til the end of the week and it was gone plus some.. Damn fluctuation! Hate having scales it's always so tempting to jump on.

I'm a planner. I'm a researcher. I'm a worrier. Those three things aren't bad on their own, but when put together it becomes fun. What it means for me is that I'm constantly in a state of flux between being incredibly excited and incredibly terrified about the journey ahead of me. I know this will continue from now until they start the anesthesia and I'm okay with that, as long as it doesn't make me change my mind (unlikely) or make me drag my feet (much more likely). So I've started making mental lists of things like NSV's I can't wait to have, weight milestones I'm excited to meet, things I want to make sure I do with my kids, ways I want to celebrate and so many other things to keep my outlook as positive as possible. This entry isn't dedicated to the fun stuff, though. This entry is dedicated to the nitty, gritty, sometimes embarrassing medical and physical reasons I NEED to have this done. So here we go. Let's start with the list of medications I have to take daily. 6 Aleve 300mg of Labetalol 25mg of Hydrochlorothiazide 300mg of Wellbutrin 2000mg of Metformin XR All in total that equals out to 15 pills per day. Don't get me wrong - I understand that I will be taking a large number of vitamins and supplements after surgery, but I'm okay with that. I'm not okay with needing this many prescription medications at age 33. Now the underlying conditions: - Hypertension: I've had high blood pressure since I was a pre-teen. That's an extremely long time. I didn't become good about taking my medication until I was late teens or early 20's, but even so that puts me at over 10 years of being on blood pressure medications of varying strengths. High blood pressure, even when it's treated, does nasty things to the body. It's part of the reason that, when I'm pregnant, I always test positive for protein in my urine. Usually that's a sign of impending pre-eclampsia, but for me it's 'normal' ... which isn't good. I want to be 50 with a set of working kidneys, thank you very much. - Enlarged Heart: When you're classified as "Super Morbidly Obese" and have never been just Obese or overweight in over 20 years, your body has to work harder to do things. That includes things like walking, standing and moving blood from one place to another. I was first diagnosed with an enlarged heart about 4-5 years ago I think. It wasn't anything they were horribly worried about, but it's certainly not ideal. Again, I'd like to reach 50 (or 60 or 70) with a working heart. - Sleep Apnea: So, don't get me wrong - I absolutely adore my machine and the fact that for the first time in quite a few years I can get a good night's sleep. I don't wake up with headaches all the time (well, unless I'm congested), I usually have energy if I've been able to get a decent night's sleep and I just feel better. That said, I'd love to not have to go to sleep looking like someone preparing to walk through a gas cloud or to worry about where my hose is. I'd love to not have to worry about packing it and never being able to spontaneously stay at a hotel or sleep somewhere other than at home because I don't need my machine. Right now that's just not possible. No matter what, I need that mask to sleep otherwise I feel it the next morning. Granted, getting rid of sleep apnea isn't a guarantee, but at least if I do lose weight I'll know I did what I could. - PCOS: So first, being overweight doesn't cause PCOS but PCOS can contribute to you being overweight. It's all about hormonal imbalances and hormonal imbalances don't just affect things like mood or fertility. They also affect weight and how your body metabolizes food. Insulin is a hormone and at the root of PCOS is usually some sort of issue with how your body deals with insulin. I know this and I've proven it to myself in the past. I've fixed it in the past as well - it's how I wound up with two beautiful children. That said, I don't want it to be fixed for a little while only to come back with a vengeance anymore. For me, PCOS is a downward spiral of symptoms that all conglomerate into me being one big mess. I know that losing weight will help, but I know that being able to actually keep that weight off will get me to a point where it's 'fixed'. I don't necessarily want more kids, but I'd like my body to work right, y'know? - Depression / Social Anxiety: So yes, this is a surgery that's meant to fix my stomach, but I'm also hoping that it will also help fix my head just a little. I'm hoping that as I approach a more normal size it might be easier for me to interact with other people without feeling like I'm about to walk across fire. I'm hoping that by losing weight and being able to exercise and be more active it will help with my depression. Because exercise releases endorphins and endorphins make you happy and happy people don't murder their husbands. Beyond that I just want to feel normal and not freak out so much about having to interact with other Mom's at my son's school because I'm the biggest one there. - Chronic Pain / Arthritis: Extra weight on the joints is bound to cause more pain than normal, but I'm at a point where I am in constant pain. From the time I wake up in the morning until I go to bed I have achy, stabbing and throbbing pain in most parts of my body. Right now as I'm writing thisI have sharp pains in my neck, my shoulders and middle back are burning, my lower back is achy, my feet are stiff and sore and I know that when I get up there will be additional aches in my hips and a sharp, shooting pain in my lower back when I try to pick up my 8 month old daughter. Again, I know that losing weight may not (and probably won't) "fix" all of these problems. I've done what I'm guessing is irreversible damage to my lower back and neck. I've broken both of my ankles 3 times. I've had whiplash 3 or 4 times. Those problems are with me forever. What I do know I'll get from weight loss is less pain. Maybe I won't have to take 6 Aleve a day just to be able to function. Perhaps I'll be able to wake up in the morning and not need to immediately jump into a hot shower so I can move. Hopefully I'll be able to get up and down from playing with my kids and not have to groan in pain because something is hurting. Overall, if you're looking just at my physical state, I've got a pretty darned low quality of life right now. I realize that it could be so much worse and i'm thankful every day that it's not, but the point is that at my age it shouldn't be where it is. Not only that, but if I keep going the way I am, it's only a matter of time until things do start getting worse. I've got way too much to live for to let that happen. I've got a husband, a 4 year old boy and an 8 month old little girl that I want to be able to enjoy and right now I just can't. So that's my list of medical reasons. I'm sure I'll be coming back to this in the coming weeks while I'm trudging my way through my Surgeon's pre-op diet (1 week low carb/high protein, 1 week clear liquids, rinse and repeat), going through all of my tests and ultimately preparing for surgery. I'm going to need these reminders and it's a lot harder to brush them off when they're right there in front of you in black and white. 16 days until my appointment.

What a wonderful NSV! Here's to even more...

@@Miss Mac bet you looked as great as you felt i think any and alllll clothes NSV's are the greatest!!! how wonderflul are you!!!! keep up the good job (i know you will) kathy congrats

The bigger I got, the less likely I was to wear a dress, until I just gave them up entirely. I was sleeved about six months ago, and got brave enough to buy a few summer dresses at a discount. Yesterday, for a doctor's appointment was the first time in NINETEEN years that I have worn a dress! It made me feel really feminine and put a smile on my face. Wow. What a difference a piece of fabric makes. I had no idea that it would feel like such a big deal, and my legs are looking good. It is these occasional NSVs that keep me going.

it's all the nsv's that keep me motivated. the other day my jeans I have been wearing all winter were so big. I could pull them on without unbuttoning them. I started going through my husbands jeans. he is about 4 sizes smaller. but I knew he had to wear a back brace a few years ago so I grabbed a pair of jeans and pulled them on a omg they fit with a little room. all I had to do was roll them up a bit. this makes me happy and I feel thin. the scale make not rock and roll but nsv's do.

@@CowgirlJane i think many people here don't/won't say that they really look great we/you/me are not used to receiving compliments, or saying nice things about how we look jane i'm sure you look terrific, even though you say you look "reasonable" thats like me saying i look "ok", when we all know i'm cute as a button!! 2 piece bathing suit???!!!! how exciting is that!!!! you go bud - strutt your stuff!!! great NSV you've done so amazing, and i love seeing your happy, lovely smile and can only imagine how you look in "real life person" keep up the great job!!! kathy congrats

My dietician told me last time I saw her that having wls isn't just about losing the initial weight during the beginning honeymoon phase. She said that the body continues to change every 3 or so months...and it does this as far out as 3 years post op. She said that a lot of people will initially lose more than their body wants, naturally causing the body to regain to it's set point. What she said really put things into perspective for me..knowing now that I need to be vigilant for years to come helps me in so many ways. I fought to get this far, and each pound and each NSV is worth the years of diligence it will take to keep it all off. I'm grateful for the warning. Everything is all about choice. We have amazing tools in our bodies yes, but we still need to make the choice with each bite we take. No one can make the healthy choices for us. I really think that regain is just a normal part of the entire process. That said...the process, I believe doesn't end when we reach goal. It really it just beginning at that point...again, this part is just my own belief.

Okay, I want a 2 piece swimsuit - I guess a bucket list item. I tried on lots of them but didn't do too well in the womens department. They have string bikinis and they have "matronly". The more modest ones didn't come in my size - I have a size 4 butt and modest bottoms in my local stores tended to start about size 10. Some of the prettier ones (that were not string bikinis) were too big OR were ridiculously expensive... I don't think I should pay $150 for a two piece swimsuit! So, i wound up getting one out of the junior section. I bought Jr med bottoms and XL junior top and it fits, good price at 50% off sale. Not a string bikini, but not a matronly skirt type deal either. Anyway it continues to blow my mind that I fit in the juniors section. I remember going swimsuit shopping previously and had trouble finding suits big enough... I still feel kinda strange wearing a two piece but since I plan to wear a coverup most of the time, it will be fine. My new boyfriend has a boat so I will feel comfortable wearing it when it is just he and I or when I go in the Water. I guess this is a NSV - I look somewhat reasonable in a bathing suit these days!

When the scale isn't moving that's when I often notice my clothing getting looser and I realize I am losing inches. This is a good time to look for NSVS, non-scale victories, and just to keep doing what you're doing. Fills differ so much -- I had six prior to achieving the green zone but I was glad for the small incremental approach my surgeon uses as it gave me time to work on slowing down, chewing more and general behavior modification. My surgeon was looking for a tennis-ball sized portion and not hungry again for 4-5 hours. I had the portion part but not the duration -- I was hungry again after a couple of hours. So we kept going. I am not super tight but just right -- can still enjoy dense protein, apples, broccoli, etc. You are doing beautifully -- on your way! It just takes some time.

I am not one to post regularly but just had to share my weekend NSV with folks who may understand my excitement. I had tickets to a baseball game with my husband and in-laws. I went shopping and was able to buy a women's cut team tee for the first time and did not have to wear the men's shirts like before. Then I could actually walk through the turnstile without turning sideways, but by far the best part... I fit in the seats, I was able to cross my legs and did not leave with bruises on my hips from squeezing into my seat like in years gone by! I am loving the new me.. My Consult weight 343, Surgery weight 305, current weight 256..surgery was 2/26!

yay you girly!!! Love those NSVs. Keep them coming!!

Today's NSV- Just got on a ride a six flags with my son!! I haven't been able to do that in years!!

Today's NSV- Just got on a ride a six flags with my son!! I haven't been able to do that in years!!

Today's NSV- Just got on a ride a six flags with my son!! I haven't been able to do that in years!!

Yahoo! Congrats to this NSV!