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In one of of the group discussions on this site, someone used the term "fatties" when talking about a group of overweight people. I couldn't believe their temerity! But I do understand the OP's direction of thought. Dave Ramsey says if you want to be a millionaire, then do what millionaires do. If you want to be a thin or healthy person do what they do. And sometimes that means making choices to keep ourselves from being sidelined. Their are plenty of soul mates out there, we just have to find one that is more closely related to our goals, values, character, and even health views. I have always found intelligence, confidence and humor a primary attraction, secondary attraction were chubby men (or fit fat) ...more attractive than thin or even muscled men. I have no idea if that will change... but I will always want only healthy for my hubby. And if that means thin, so be it. And his current status of being overweight I know for him, he feels horrible. His recent weight loss of 14 lbs shows him feeling so much better and it shows in his self esteem. But if I were single, I would be less inclined to date someone who uses food to Celebrate as that is one of my triggers. I second what another post said. Food was my drug of choice. I can't afford to continue in a behavior that is my trigger, and if it means changing the types of people you hang out with, then you must. Criminals do it when they get out of prison and are on probation, drug and alcohol addicts do it in order to preserve their sobriety. So sometimes in order not to backslide, you might have to do it when considering a life partner. 11/11/16: HW 380 11/28/16: Duodenal Switch Surgery 11/28/16: SW 374 lbs 1/6/17: CW 337 lbs

If we could block people I would end up with about ten people. Lipstick Lady would be our supreme leader and Babbs would wear a crown. I agree the site was not designed to be mean spirited but I believe just as passionately that it was never intended to facilitate the level of coddling and enabling that far outnumbers the criticism. It's fine though. The success rate is low and I intend to follow the plan. Eat shrimp and drink alcohol at day 23- you'll survive. You won't get my support or sympathy but you'll find plenty from others here. Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

FIRST meal? That? And alcohol? Yikes. Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

Wow ????. What is the point of surgery if you are already drinking alcohol and eating things you really shouldnt. Hopefully you dont get a leak or get sick Sent from my SM-G920P using the BariatricPal App

I have a question for all of you vets (although anyone with experience or thoughts on this topic are most welcome). I am completely at peace with the food restrictions but I am very anxious about the drinking experience (I don't mean alcohol). There are few things more satisfying to me than chugging a nice cold beverage after a day in the sun or after a workout. I know small sips are the norm post-op but for how long? Will I ever be able to down Water when thirsty without getting sick? I am really afraid I'll miss this.

Pasta, rice and fried stuff would be tossed in the trash were that my plate a month out. Maybe a few shrimp. Be careful with the alcohol this close out. Let your new stomach heal. There will be plenty of time for fun stuff like that in a while after you've completely healed.

Alcohol with depression meds is a no no. Alcohol post op is a no no. Call the psychiatrist and be honest about your use and your behaviors. Take care of yourself. Your choices are the only thing you can control. Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

Congrats on your weight loss!!! Working out isn't my favorite thing to do- but it actually makes me feel better afterwards. Are you going to therapy for depression? Maybe the dr's need to change- up your meds. Have you gone to any bariatric support group meetings? Can you still go out with your friends and not have alcohol? Good luck!! Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

What part of that plate did you try to eat at 23 days out? And is a Bahama mama a cocktail? I still can't eat rice and I'm over 3 year out. And choosing not to eat Pasta and breaded shrimp keeps me at goal weight. Alcohol would have burned my stomach that early out. Are those things on your plan? Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Wow. This is quite sad. While I don't defend people who are asking about funnel cakes etc... I do have a somewhat different perspective. Not everyone is intelligent or has common sense. Many people (me ) were self pay and had NO pre op classes, no nutritionist, no counseling, no booklet to refer to. My friend on the other hand had all of that plus a huge binder to refer to. Thank God I'm in the medical profession and read what I needed to. We all got overweight for different reasons. Some lack of education, some emotional trauma, lack of money or resources, hereditary, or any other reason we know nothing about. The sleeve didn't cure them but then the sleeve didn't cure their mind either. It's like an alcoholic---just because he is in the 12 step program doesn't mean he knows it all or can control it. They go to seek advice and help -so do some here. No one is perfect and yes they might need justification but maybe that is their coping mechanism that they are working thru. Let's hope they are successful with whatever coping mechanisms work for them (instead of food) Yes , there are trolls and really dumb questions but we are not in their shoes and don't know their intentions or reasons. I see patients who are on 5 liters of oxygen but still smoke, I had a patients husband tell me he puts 18 sugars in his coffee and gives his diabetic wife juice with no idea it had tons of sugar in it. I have patients that have no idea what a carb or Protein is. I don't ridicule them or make them feel dumb. I try to educate them. I think everyone hopes to be a success story and be around to help guide others. But unfortunately the sleeve doesn't do the work and there are so many people that need support whether it's to educate or listen or just let them vent. Yes we all know it should be common sense not to eat Cookies, cake and candy. But if someone takes the time to ask maybe you will be the ONE voice of reason that helps them on their journey and gets thru to them. Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I am about the same age as you (I'm 22) and here's my advice. I always make sure I drink Water before I eat- both before and after my surgery I found that sometimes I mistake hunger for thirst. When I go out to eat I always ask for a box and put at least half in it straight away. This helps me from feeling like I'm 'wasting' so much food and the visual of the smaller portion helps me. I've also found that sometimes when I get cravings I'm satisfied with only a few bites. So I've learned to get the healthier option and then either it will pass or I'll share with someone else or have a bite of their food. Honestly though, sometimes I get treats but only have a little bit- I get much more satisfied now that I've been sleeved. Also, I found that I am more likely to have cravings if I'm hungry. What I've done is eat my meal and then my cravings substantially go away. (Side note: I tend to have more intense cravings when I'm on my period, so you may experience that). Drinking only water wasn't hard for me because I had started that habit years ago. If it's hard for you and you need flavor I really like the brand "Hint" water. They have no calories and come in all sorts of good flavors but don't taste artificial. For me the hardest change to make was alcohol. It doesn't seem like you're consuming as many calories as you are and it "hits" me much faster. So just monitor it if you can't completely cut it out. If I'm being realistic about myself I don't think I could cut it out completely- like I had some wine on Thanksgiving and Christmas- but just know that it's easier to over do it on alcohol than it is on food (at least in my opinion). Finally, when you go through a stall don't necessarily restrict yourself more. If it's been 4-6 weeks of a stall and you haven't lost inches or pounds then reassess your eating. Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

You can definitely enjoy treats like ice cream post-op. Not immediately post-op, obviously, but certainly by the time you are in maintenance. I had half a piece of Cheesecake Factory cheesecake last night! The most important things post-op will be Protein and Water. You need need need to put protein first. But if you are meeting your protein goals, then a little ice cream or mashed potatoes or whatever once in a while is fine. I think right now, pre-op, there are some things you can work on that will make your post-op life easier. Start going ahead and putting protein first. Eat your protein before your starches or vegetables at each meal. Start working on finding high protein Snacks you can enjoy (greek yogurt, cottage cheese, string cheese, nuts, Jerky, turkey sticks, etc.). Start tracking your protein. Ideally you will want to get up to 100 grams a day. Start getting a sense of how much protein is in the foods you eat regularly. Start cutting back on carbs. Your pre-op diet will likely be a no-carb diet. So it will only help you to kick that carb habit sooner than later! If you smoke, quit now! You will be required to quit prior to surgery and giving up smoking AND food at the same time will be too much to handle. Cut back on caffeine and alcohol too. You won't be allowed any of either for at least 30 days post-op by most plans, so again, easier to phase it out now than have to go cold turkey at the time of your surgery. Start eating slowly and trying to not eat and drink at the same time. The not eating and drinking at the same time thing will seem impossible at first. For me, I had to just not even have a beverage within reach while eating, otherwise I would drink it without even thinking about it. As for eating slowly... chew each bite as thoroughly as possible and set your fork down between bites.

It's really hard to say what somebody else's father feels or is going to do. Sometimes relatives, even fathers, have issues, and in families where alcoholism or addiction is present, family members try to tiptoe around it, thinking it is their own fault. It is important to be able to live our own lives, but we shouldn't forget how hard or painful it can be to separate yourself from someone you love, especially a parent. There are costs to following one's path, but in the end, the cost is worth it.

Wow that's really hard. How did he quit alcohol? Did he have support or go to treatment or need medication? You could tell him that obesity and alcoholism are both metabolic illnesses and that obesity changes the way your body responds to food. Surgery is a tool that helps eliminate excess hunger and craving. Did he rely on any tools or supports such as twelve steps, therapies, or medications? Some people manage to quit alcohol without ever addressing the behaviors that accompanied it. If that is what is going on, there isn't much you can do about it. In that case, it is his problem and his loss. You need to pursue your own life and dreams. Chances are, he will eventually become curious. His control issue is not your problem. You didn't cause it. He needs to resolve that on his own.

So, I have to have the sit down chat with my dad soon. I'll have a date shortly and will need to tell him. I've posted this story before but real quick - I was supposed to have surgery five years ago, when I was 19. I was still on his insurance, and my mom and I thought it would be best to wait until everything was set and ready to go before we told him what was happening, that way we could answer all his questions and could give him a time and date that it was happening, ect. He operates best under those circumstances, but he flew off the handle, and canceled my surgery 48 hours before it was to happen. Needless to say, he probably won't be super thrilled about it this time around. However, a few things are different now: I no longer live at home, have my own insurance, and am financially independent from my dad. I do not want this to be the thing that completely dissolves my relationship with my dad, but would also not be able to go through with it without him having knowledge that it's happening. So please throw your positive stories my way!! I would like to be able to show him all of your successes, if we even get that far. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and will do this with or without him in my corner, but having him there would be nice. Also, any advice on how to deal with a stubborn, recovering alcoholic (five years clean and sober, go dad!), I'll take that too! TIA!

In the days before online reviews, I had the absolute WORST experience at a restaurant in Ft. Worth. It was an Italian place with singing waiters and booths with swinging doors (the teens LOVED the place because you could make out with your date... LOL). Anyway, Ex#1 and I went there on Valentine's weekend. We knew it would be crazy, but we wanted a nice dinner before our concert that evening. We waited a long time for a table, but not out of line with it being V-day weekend. We placed our order, and waited. And waited. And waited. Our drinks/water were not refilled, it had been 45 minutes since we placed our order and nothing had come out. I flagged down our waitress, and asked how much longer, keeping in mind we had concert tickets and while we'd left what we thought was plenty of time for V-day delays, it was getting late. She came back and said the kitchen was starting on our meal next. I was surprised that we'd been there almost an hour and our meal had not even been *started*, and said so. I wasn't rude, didn't ask to speak to the manager, nothing. Just surprised. The next thing I know, the owner is at our table, wanting to know what the problem was. I said there wasn't really a problem, I wasn't lodging a complaint, I was just surprised that we'd been there over an hour and no one had even started cooking our order yet. She leaned in over my shoulder, started shaking her finger in my face, yelling at me that we had NOT been there an hour, she'd checked the time, it had only been FIFTY minutes. And that she had a line out the door waiting for tables, and we should feel lucky that we had a table. Ex#1 informed her that she could HAVE the table, in that case. She called the waitress over and very loudly told the waitress to make sure we were charged for our drinks (sodas, btw, we hadn't had any alcohol). I was floored. I'd never been treated like that in a restaurant before. Until she got literally in my face shouting and shaking her finger in my face, neither I nor Ex#1 had gotten upset or raised our voices, or even said we had a complaint. But as I said, this was before Yelp and Google reviews, so I didn't think I had any recourse. At the time, I was an administrative assistant in the executive offices of a large hospital chain in Ft. Worth. We started doing one of those "paradigm shift" quality initiative programs where every employee (several thousand) was required to attend. As part of the exec team, I was in the first group to go. We were asked to share customer service experiences, and I shared mine. The team leaders were so horrified by that customer service experience, that it was repeated to EVERY group that went through the program with my hospital, and very likely with other corporations as well. And named the restaurant by name. It was closed by the end of the year. I don't know that I had anything to do with it, but I don't know that I didn't. You never know when your story will make an impact that will change a business. I always let management know when I have a bad experience, because I want them to have an opportunity to fix the problem. I also make sure they know when I have exceptionally good service, because I know they get more complaints than attaboys. (Freaks the servers out too when you ask to see a manager, and they can't figure out what they've done wrong... ) I agree that the split fee itself is not that big of a deal. But if I'd gotten that response from the manager, I'd have posted a complaint as well. And to have the owner come back with an attack instead of a reasoned response tells me that the owner has no business in the restaurant industry. Customer feedback, even when it's not an attaboy, is an opportunity to improve your business. Treating it as an attack has no place in a customer service industry. It would have been different if the OP had been antagonistic or upset with the manager or server to start with, which it doesn't sound like she was. Even if a manager doesn't have a duty to de-escalate, they certainly have a duty not to escalate a situation, which he clearly did here.

I want to encourage you by saying that the cravings get SO MUCH better after surgery. Honestly. You won't be giving up a glass of wine forever. My surgeon says that you can start incorporating alcohol back in at 6 mos, but they recommend waiting until you hit your goal. The food cravings really do go away. Ask yourself: is pizza really worth your health? There are really good pizza crust substitutes that you can make with cauliflower that taste great and satisfy the craving. There is always a way around cravings. You can do this!

I can appreciate your irritation, although...a $7 burger isn't really a fancy place to eat. If your total bill for a burger, presumably two non-alcoholic drinks, and a $3 split fee was $17, I feel like they're holding themselves a bit high as a "nice" establishment. Given the way you were treated, I tend to think their behavior supports the point that they aren't the fine dining they seem to consider themselves to be. That being said, I haven't ever been charged a split fee because I don't really split things. I eat what I want to, then take it home or let someone else at my table eat it. Margins on actual fine dining are slim, and you aren't being charged a $3 fee to actually cut the burger, just like a corkage fee has nothing to do with the manual act of removing a cork, but rather the right to split a meal or to bring your own bottle of wine, when to do so without any minor fee is really not customary practice. It certainly would have been nice though if they had put somewhere on the menu that the fee existed. At a nice place, I can see economically the purpose of a split fee and most people paying to eat at a nice place, first don't care about the $3 and probably don't notice it on their bill, and second at an actual nice place, there would not have been any attitude from a manager, the fee would have been removed. The difference in my experience between a classy place to eat and a place that likes to think its classy is that there is an understanding that you sometimes lose a few dollars, but you make up for it in customer loyalty. A truly nice establishment handles the customer in a way that leaves them feeling happy...sure they complain about you when you leave and they roll their eyes when you aren't looking, but they are never, ever rude to your face or in front of any other customer. They certainly don't have their family members replying to your Yelp comments- that would make them look incredibly stupid and any person who was accustomed to eating in nice places would absolutely avoid going somewhere that responded that way on social media if only because it clearly demonstrates a total lack of class. So...sure, a split fee is normal sometimes, and I understand that you were surprised by it, but I find the behavior of the business to be unacceptable if they are going to cast themselves as being a better than average place to dine. I wouldn't go there after seeing that exchange on social media because it reeks of a scene- something that you will rarely if ever see in a nice place, and certainly not in a way that is exacerbated by management. I'm sorry you were treated poorly, but if it makes you feel better, places like that rarely last very long for all of the reasons I've mentioned above. They will be sad soon enough, lol.

By "not eating healthy" do you mean not following your prescribed diet? Being the same weight for days or weeks is normal but gaining 11 pounds isn't. How much Protein and carbs do you eat daily? Drinking enough Water? Exercising? Avoiding "Slider" foods and alcohol? You don't have to justify any of this to me but you do need to be honest with yourself. The WLS is just a tool. To lose weight we really have to do ALL the work ourselves.

Anxiety in life, risk for alcoholism and risk of anorexia, there will not be comfort in food anymore so they need to check that you are otherwise comforted. Sent from my SM-G550T using the BariatricPal App

I try and stay away from processed food as much as possible, and Protein bars are heavily processed. That being said, I do use them on occasion when I'm in a pinch because they are still a whole lot better than a lot of other options! I have struggled finding one that taste decent and don't upset my stomach (a lot of them just make me feel crappy!). For me, the best ones I've found so far are the NuGo Slim bars. They have no artificial sweeteners (no sugar alcohols) and only 3g of sugar. The 3g of sugar is due to the fact that they are covered in real dark chocolate. They are not terribly sweet, but taste ok, and don't upset my stomach. You can generally find them at Whole Foods, or online of course: If you're interested: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0098IYDQW/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Sometimes it depends if it has sugar alcohol too. That has always bothered my tummy even before surgery Sent from my 5054N using the BariatricPal App

Hey Evie I was sleeved by Mr Koak at The Holly Private Hospital in Epping. He is the most gentle and re-assuring surgeon. He also works on the NHS out off Cambridge Hospital. I went private as I did not qualify on the NHS even though I had a BMI of 56. And sleep apnea, high blood pressure plus a fatty non alcoholic liver disease. I've been big for over 25 years and at my biggest I was 25.st 12lb I managed to get it down to 21. St on my own but then never could get past that. I feel like I have a second chance of life! I paid a lot off money however the way I was going my family may have been spending it on my funeral! That's the reality of my story! It is tricky sometimes, my life is different however I do have one! For that I'm thankful! My food intake is good and I don't feel hungry! It's the head hunger I have to work on ., I am in counselling for help with that. That's been a god send! Hope this helps! Good luck Evie !!! Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I have ulcerative colitis but have never had to have any surgery regarding it. Like you, I also have inflammation issues and bone spurs in my knees and heel. Similarly, I find the foods that are "good" for most people - fruits and vegetables, nuts, whole grains, etc. give me real problems, whereas slider foods like bread, rice, pasta, fried chicken, chocolate, etc. have no problem going through my system. I always felt really frustrated that I have a disease that makes most sufferers thin, but that I am one of the outliers in being obese (although I did find an article somewhere that indicated about 30% of Crohn's/Colitis sufferers are obese). I'm on Pentasa which helps keeps things quiet and regular - but everytime I go on it I also gain weight as I can keep more of the food and nutrients "in" than without it. I'm of a similar weight to you, but since I'm shorter my BMI is 48. I'm having gastric sleeve surgery in Mexico in 5 weeks, I hope it will help with a lot of my issues. My gastroenterologist here in Japan seems to think it will help some of my symptoms, but he isn't an expert in bariatric surgery. However, the problem is my large intestine, not my stomach, so I think I'll be okay with (and research shows that WLS really helps UC sufferers - although it's more mixed with Crohn's sufferers). Sorry, I don't have any insights for you - as you probably know, people who suffer from Crohn's/UC can be affected by different foods (and stress and other factors). However, I've tried a few things in the past couple of years, and here's what I've discovered (for me anyway): -symptoms are usually worse when I'm having my period -alcohol often aggravates symptoms -although I eat a lot of protein (fish, chicken), too much beef can be problematic (I don't eat much pork other than bacon) -I tried going gluten-free for a while (with real food, not "gluten-free" products from stores) and my symptoms pretty much disappeared after one day. It was amazing. I kept going to the bathroom and sitting on the toilet waiting for something, anything to happen, and nothing did. So clearly I have some level of gluten intolerance that makes things worse. That only lasted a month though. -Any gassy vegetable is off-limits for me, which sucks, since in Japan almost all salads are made with cabbage, which makes it impossible for me to buy a salad anywhere. Broccoli, beans, cauliflower, eggs (sometimes), etc. plus other veggies like carrots, potatoes, daikon (a kind of radish), peas are all problems. Raw is definitely out, but I can handle most cooked veggies (other than the gassy ones). -I've also developed allergies to a lot of (raw) fruits and vegetables in the last 5 years. I don't know how connected that is, but my last gastroenterologist (who was fantastic - I miss him) was very much of the opinion that allergies are very common to sufferers of C/UC. -I love spicy food but it's just not worth it anymore.

I ended a long term relationship (16 years) with an alcoholic back in April 2016. I strongly recommend Alanon for you. No one deserves to be treated like this EVER! I'm so thankful to be living life on MY TERMS and doing what is best for ME. That includes weight loss surgery! Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App