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Hey April Banders - I need some advice and I thought since you guys are farther down the road, you would know the answers. I am two weeks post op and my port site is still very swollen. It looks like a small football cut in half and laid under my skin. Do you all think it will go down with time or is there something in there that should be drained. How long should I wait for the swelling to go down? I have seemed to hit a plateau big time! Not one ounce in a week and all I'm having is Three protein shakes plus 64oz of water. I might get a glass of SF drink and a popsicle in there. What could be causing the stall out? I know some of you might have had these issues so I would really love to hear from you. Thanks

Hi everyone! I have two questions . . . I am on day 12 of my pre-op liquid diet and my weight loss has totally stalled for three days. I'm getting a little frustrated over it. I walked for an hour yesterday hoping to move it some but this morning it is still stuck on the same weight. Any suggestions or comments? This is a little on the gross side but on this liquid pre-op I am only having like one significant BM a week. I took some Colace yesterday and still nothing. I want to be somewhat cleaned out before surgery. Comments and suggestions are welcome. My thoughts and prayers are with you SillyWillyMommy, KYsunshine, and keiko. Happy surgeries and quick healing w/no gas to you all!

A three week stall, especially at your low BMI, is not unusual. Just be patient. I remember being stalled for two months (on a different diet a few years ago)...then suddenly in one week I lost 6#!! After you get your fill you probably won't be able to eat bagels and breads anymore....I've heard a lot of people have problems with that.

Hello I am from Central VA. Had my surgery 1/19/07 @ St. Mary's hospital in Richmond. I am single with no kids but have plenty of supportive family and friends. Plus two co-workers who had lapband surgery before me so we suport and encourage each other. Also a supportive boyfriend. Now that I am on "regular" foods, I rely alot on of Healthy Choice/Lean Cuisine type microwaveable dinners but I was doing that before surgery because it's just me and I'm not a leftover type person. I am two and a half months post-op and have lost 29 pounds. Kind of at a stall right now in "Bandster Hell" because have slacked up losing and have not had my first fill yet. Apparently that is common and my doctor assures me that I am doing very well. But, I am scheduled to have my first 4/11. Have also been exercising at Curves for three weeks. I never imagined myself doing something like that. It's been an interesting journey thus far that I know will only get better. Good Luck to you.

I did have a close call last week - my own doing. Got wonky at a restaurant with co-workers, so I excused myself and yakked in the bathroom. Didn't have that instant relief so I knew chances were that I need another yak, so I stalled, asked for a box, etc... yakked again, and still didn't have that instant relief but one of the ladies I was with needed to get to the airport (a third lady drove all of us) and I felt bad for possibly making her late. And there was no way I was going to yak in the car, so I sat there trying to convince myself I could wait one more minute... one more minute... and it just kept hurting more and more. *sigh* It's not like vomitting when you better run or else. I just got to the point where there was no where else for my saliva to go. Fortunately my co-worker knew what was up & dropped me off at the door, and I made it, but I'm glad she had a lead foot because I would have had to ask her to pull off the interstate if we had been going any farther or slower. Which I've had to do three other times, btw -- ask someone to pull over so I can PB, that is. One was with my parents/husband after dinner on our way to a store, one was with a limo driver on the way to O'Hare (with a co-worker in the car), and one (unfortunately more like 13) with a co-worker who was driving me in for an emergency unfill. :tired Man, it's a good thing we can pull our dignity off the ground, brush it off, and start over!

Europeans fear US attack on Iran as nuclear row intensifies · Transatlantic rift emerges over how to handle crisis · America builds up its naval forces in the Gulf Europeans fear US attack on Iran as nuclear row intensifies · Transatlantic rift emerges over how to handle crisis · America builds up its naval forces in the Gulf Ian Traynor in Brussels and Jonathan Steele Wednesday January 31, 2007 Senior European policy-makers are increasingly worried that the US administration will resort to air strikes against Iran to try to destroy its suspect nuclear programme. As transatlantic friction over how to deal with the Iranian impasse intensifies, there are fears in European capitals that the nuclear crisis could come to a head this year because of US frustration with Russian stalling tactics at the UN security council. "The clock is ticking," said one European official. "Military action has come back on to the table more seriously than before. The language in the US has changed." As the Americans continue their biggest naval build-up in the Gulf since the start of the Iraq war four years ago, a transatlantic rift is opening up on several important aspects of the Iran dispute. The Bush administration will shortly publish a dossier of charges of alleged Iranian subversion in Iraq. "Iran has steadily ramped up its activity in Iraq in the last three to four months. This applies to the scope and pace of their operations. You could call these brazen activities," a senior US official said in London yesterday. Although the Iranians were primarily in Shia areas, they were not confined to them, the US source said, implying that they had formed links with Sunni insurgents and were helping them with booby-trap bombs aimed at Iraqi and US forces, new versions of the "improvised explosive devices". Senior members of the US Congress have raised concerns that the US will attack Iran in retaliation for its alleged activities in Iraq. The official said there were no plans for "cross-border operations" from Iraq to Iran. But he said: "We don't want a progressively more confident and bolder Iran ... The perception that Iran is ascendant in the region and that there are no limits to what Iran can do - that's what is destabilising." The Americans and Europeans have sought to maintain a common front on the nuclear issue for the past 30 months, with the European troika of Britain, France and Germany running failed negotiations with the Iranians and the Americans tacitly supporting them. But diplomats in Brussels and those dealing with the dispute in Vienna say a fissure has opened up between the US and western Europe on three crucial aspects - the military option; how and how quickly to hit Iran with economic sanctions already decreed by the UN security council; and how to deal with Russian opposition to action against Iran through the security council. "There's anxiety everywhere you turn," said a diplomat familiar with the work of the International Atomic Energy Agency in Vienna. "The Europeans are very concerned the shit could hit the fan." A US navy battle group of seven vessels was steaming towards the Gulf yesterday from the Red Sea, part of a deployment of 50 US ships, including two aircraft carriers, expected in the area in weeks. "No path is envisaged by the EU other than the UN path," the EU's foreign policy chief, Javier Solana, told the Guardian yesterday. "The priority for all of us is that Iran complies with UN security council resolutions." The IAEA chief, Mohamed ElBaradei, called at the weekend for a "timeout" in the worsening confrontation in an attempt to enable both sides to save face and climb down. But the Americans rejected the proposal and European officials involved in the dispute also believe the Iranians cannot be trusted to stick to a deal. Despite recurring tensions on the Middle East between the US and France, the French are the most hawkish of the Europeans on Iran and are said to back a US drive to tighten the noose on Iran's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. The populist and recalcitrant leader is perceived to have been weakened recently, in part because of a mishandling of the nuclear row. "One group of western countries thinks it's a good time to step up the pressure on Ahmadinejad. All options are on the table. Others are worried we might be stumbling into a war," said another diplomat familiar with the dispute.

Oh Kat, I went from laughing to crying, reading your post. You created such a vivid scene out on the field, sliding around on the ice. What a blast! I want to try that! But then, you also had quite a scare! Thank heavens the Heimlich(?) manuever worked! I would have been terrified. Definitely, get that prescription for the spasms. Poor guy! He's been through enough. Julie, I saw Hillary speaking at that clinic on TV, so I PROBABLY SAW YOUR HEAD!!! I don't agree with all of her views, but I think she is brilliant and I am so excited that a woman is running for president! Betty, your turkey chili sounds great! The past two weeks I've been making a chicken chili that has become so popular around here that my neighbors, and kids' friends are gobbling it up, pot after pot! It's that time of year when hearty Soups are so satisfying. Maybe we can share recipes? Bluehill, thanks for the yoga quote. It is beautiful. When it comes down to it, we stand alone and our determination to succeed comes from within. We do inspire each other, but after every failure, we have to turn inward, face the fear and pain, and fight to change. I don't understand why we sabotage our successes! Every time I reach a mini-goal the elation is followed by a feeling that I am all-powerful, and then I Celebrate by eating anything I want. It has taken me three weeks to make up for the after-Christmas splurge. You have done so well, though! cheese and crackers may have given you a one day stall, but it is just a number on a scale. The big picture is that you have lost 100#!!! And you completed your exercise challenge for the month!! And this journey with the band and new life is still young.

So I havent logged my progress or my journey much lately, not sure why. Maybe because all the negative inner monologue stuff comes into play and all I can think of is working that out instead of talking about weight. So here is the weighty end of things: I haven't lost as much in the first month as I thought I would. I chalked it up, initially, to the fact that I was so dehydrated from gastroenterities that going into surgery I had already lost all that water weight. Thats also likley why I gained several pounds after surgery and had to lose that as well. So that explains the short term stalling. Then I thought it would just drop off like it did for Angie and so many others on LBT. But it didn't. Now being honest with myself - much of that was my fault. I was good with liquids for about a week, then I had my chocolates and ice cream snafoo. Then I was making my smoothies way too calorie dense. Then at the xmas party I was eating like a normal person, very bad. So much ice cream purchased even though I know how bad it is for me. Then when Neuro started, I initially packed, but no more. Now Im eating just like everyone else. I went to an Indian buffet and ate waaaay too much. So I have made my fair share of mistakes that can explain my lack of dramatic losses. I was feeling pretty down about all my transgressions until I went for my post op checkup, it was Jan 3rd. (approx 3.5 wks after surgery) and she told me I have acutally lost 21 lbs from my highest!!!! That really perked me up let me tell you!!!! I didn't realize I was ever that high. I thought maybe I had gone up to the eighties but I couldnt remember for sure. I was 287 at my highest in September (so I figure 284 naked) and I was 266 January 3rd!!! (263 that morning at home). I didn't realize how far I had come. I realized that even though only ten of that was post op, the overall change is what matters. I have noticed some really positive changes. First of all, my clothes fit much much better. So many jeans that I couldnt wear any more are now loose to comfortable. Shirts I couldn't button now go on much better. I have seen pictures of my face and I can see that it has thinned out. I've also made some positive changes. I quit smoking!! It's amazing to me. It was such a huge crippling part of my life for several years. I would rush home to smoke, stay home to smoke, leave rotations to go home or to the car to smoke. My apartment stunk. I would have to take a shower every time I wanted to leave the house. I was spending close to a hundred dollars a month on cigarettes. Then I just quit. I didn't have withdrawal, I didn't think about it that much. It still crosses my mind every once in a while... "just go get a pack, just one pack" But the thought passes pretty quickly. I'm just surprised it wasnt harder to quit. Even when I smoked like a chimney at that party with Eric, i still didn't relapse. I am very proud of that!!! I breathe so much better, I dont get that tightness in my chest when I walk outside. I don't have that nasty cough and post nasal drip anymore. I quit Nov 25th so its been almost eight weeks. I also quit the coffee habit. I guess I can't say that I never have any, because diet snapple certainly has a bit, and I've had an iced coffee once I think? I also gave up on carbonation. I just sipped at half a beer once. I do miss having that diet coke/pepsi fix. But I already break the rules enough, I think I should stick to as many as I can. So I go for my first fill? Jan 31st, which is post call so no one will know. I have had some trouble with the whole "make sure no one knows" syndrome. It has motivated me to eat more than I should, and things I shouldn't eat in order to avoid being noticed. At that pharm lunch I ate a whole serving of fries and half a turkey sandwich with bread and bacon. God those fries were good. Anyways - I didn't get this done so that I would pick at carrott sticks, I did it so that I could learn to have a normal relationship with food, in reasonable quantities. I think that my first fill should help move me in that direction. Right now it's hard because I feel like I have been able to tolerate eating everything, makes it hard not to have whatever I want. I'm really going to have to get better at the "bandster" rules. I am eating more per meal than I should - restriction should help with that. I am really feeling the need to drink with meals. I am not chewing as well as I should. So I have a lot to work on. But I am looking forward to the fill. So: On the exercise front. I had done absolutely nothing up until this weekend. Although I have gotten tons of walking in at work. Regardless, Saturday I remembered that patient mentioning there was a pool around the corner at the community center. Well, they also have a nice fitness center so I went and joined and worked out. I did the elliptical for about 20 minutes, thats all I could do. Man did that work up a sweat!!!! Then I did a brief nautilus circuit, but I need to figure out the machines. Its 19 a month, which is a lot cheaper than work gym. And its around the corner, couldn't be closer. And when I finally feel able - I can swim there!!!! I keep fantasizing about doing a good cardio workout and then having a refreshing swim afterwards. That would be soooo great!!!! As far as my actual weight, its been fluctuating around a two or three pound variation. It was as low as 261.8 a couple weeks ago, before I started eating badly. Then it went up to 264 ( but I felt that was from pre period swelling). It then seemed to settle at 263 for a long time. (And I still feel swollen). So I worked out on Saturday, then went out and had Etoh and a dessert on top of 1300 calories, and then this morning I weighed 260.4!!!!!! I was so excited. Usually after a workout my muscles swell and I gain weight. So I am headed off to do some time on the much neglected recumbent bike. I think that journalling on this forum will work much better than sitting down with the notebook, I can always print them out and then put them in the notebook.

So I havent logged my progress or my journey much lately, not sure why. Maybe because all the negative inner monologue stuff comes into play and all I can think of is working that out instead of talking about weight. So here is the weighty end of things: I haven't lost as much in the first month as I thought I would. I chalked it up, initially, to the fact that I was so dehydrated from gastroenterities that going into surgery I had already lost all that water weight. Thats also likley why I gained several pounds after surgery and had to lose that as well. So that explains the short term stalling. Then I thought it would just drop off like it did for Angie and so many others on LBT. But it didn't. Now being honest with myself - much of that was my fault. I was good with liquids for about a week, then I had my chocolates and ice cream snafoo. Then I was making my smoothies way too calorie dense. Then at the xmas party I was eating like a normal person, very bad. So much ice cream purchased even though I know how bad it is for me. Then when Neuro started, I initially packed, but no more. Now Im eating just like everyone else. I went to an Indian buffet and ate waaaay too much. So I have made my fair share of mistakes that can explain my lack of dramatic losses. I was feeling pretty down about all my transgressions until I went for my post op checkup, it was Jan 3rd. (approx 3.5 wks after surgery) and she told me I have acutally lost 21 lbs from my highest!!!! That really perked me up let me tell you!!!! I didn't realize I was ever that high. I thought maybe I had gone up to the eighties but I couldnt remember for sure. I was 287 at my highest in September (so I figure 284 naked) and I was 266 January 3rd!!! (263 that morning at home). I didn't realize how far I had come. I realized that even though only ten of that was post op, the overall change is what matters. I have noticed some really positive changes. First of all, my clothes fit much much better. So many jeans that I couldnt wear any more are now loose to comfortable. Shirts I couldn't button now go on much better. I have seen pictures of my face and I can see that it has thinned out. I've also made some positive changes. I quit smoking!! It's amazing to me. It was such a huge crippling part of my life for several years. I would rush home to smoke, stay home to smoke, leave rotations to go home or to the car to smoke. My apartment stunk. I would have to take a shower every time I wanted to leave the house. I was spending close to a hundred dollars a month on cigarettes. Then I just quit. I didn't have withdrawal, I didn't think about it that much. It still crosses my mind every once in a while... "just go get a pack, just one pack" But the thought passes pretty quickly. I'm just surprised it wasnt harder to quit. Even when I smoked like a chimney at that party with Eric, i still didn't relapse. I am very proud of that!!! I breathe so much better, I dont get that tightness in my chest when I walk outside. I don't have that nasty cough and post nasal drip anymore. I quit Nov 25th so its been almost eight weeks. I also quit the coffee habit. I guess I can't say that I never have any, because diet snapple certainly has a bit, and I've had an iced coffee once I think? I also gave up on carbonation. I just sipped at half a beer once. I do miss having that diet coke/pepsi fix. But I already break the rules enough, I think I should stick to as many as I can. So I go for my first fill? Jan 31st, which is post call so no one will know. I have had some trouble with the whole "make sure no one knows" syndrome. It has motivated me to eat more than I should, and things I shouldn't eat in order to avoid being noticed. At that pharm lunch I ate a whole serving of fries and half a turkey sandwich with bread and bacon. God those fries were good. Anyways - I didn't get this done so that I would pick at carrott sticks, I did it so that I could learn to have a normal relationship with food, in reasonable quantities. I think that my first fill should help move me in that direction. Right now it's hard because I feel like I have been able to tolerate eating everything, makes it hard not to have whatever I want. I'm really going to have to get better at the "bandster" rules. I am eating more per meal than I should - restriction should help with that. I am really feeling the need to drink with meals. I am not chewing as well as I should. So I have a lot to work on. But I am looking forward to the fill. So: On the exercise front. I had done absolutely nothing up until this weekend. Although I have gotten tons of walking in at work. Regardless, Saturday I remembered that patient mentioning there was a pool around the corner at the community center. Well, they also have a nice fitness center so I went and joined and worked out. I did the elliptical for about 20 minutes, thats all I could do. Man did that work up a sweat!!!! Then I did a brief nautilus circuit, but I need to figure out the machines. Its 19 a month, which is a lot cheaper than work gym. And its around the corner, couldn't be closer. And when I finally feel able - I can swim there!!!! I keep fantasizing about doing a good cardio workout and then having a refreshing swim afterwards. That would be soooo great!!!! As far as my actual weight, its been fluctuating around a two or three pound variation. It was as low as 261.8 a couple weeks ago, before I started eating badly. Then it went up to 264 ( but I felt that was from pre period swelling). It then seemed to settle at 263 for a long time. (And I still feel swollen). So I worked out on Saturday, then went out and had Etoh and a dessert on top of 1300 calories, and then this morning I weighed 260.4!!!!!! I was so excited. Usually after a workout my muscles swell and I gain weight. So I am headed off to do some time on the much neglected recumbent bike. I think that journalling on this forum will work much better than sitting down with the notebook, I can always print them out and then put them in the notebook.

How did you break bad habits (aside from the tricks you mentioned above)? I'm so scared I'm falling back into them and I don't want to screw this up. Hmm, tough to answer because I don't think I'm at the point where my habits are necessarily broken. I still eat when I'm not hungry, I still order things that aren't the best choice. I probably always will. I do beat it, but only on a day-to-day basis. For me beating it (because until Monday of this week, I had only loose restriction) was a factor of a few different things. One - paranoia that I will lose my band. I don't vocalize that often, and it isn't a constant, but it's there just enough to make me stop eating when I'm no longer hungry, even if I really want to eat more. Sometimes I do eat more, but 95% of the time I'm able to stop. But it's not just the paranoia. So for two, it's also -- for me, once I lose a chunk of weight, it's easy to behave because I'm seeing results and that keeps me motivated. When I'm not seeing results (plateaued, stalled, no changes in sizes, etc.) is really the only time I have a major challenge. And for three, I was fed enough with failing at weightloss efforts that I volunteered to have the first surgery of my life. That was very significant to me. So in that sense, I am propelled by the sense of "dammit, I went through a lot for this, and I'm lucky to have it, and I'm doing a huge disservice if I don't take advantage of it". But don't get me wrong - I don't "diet". I just pay a lot of attention to how much I'm eating and make myself stop when I've eaten a decent portion. Well, until this week anyway. With the restriction I have now, I'm pretty much being stopped more than stopping myself. And you know - honestly, a fourth factor is simply that PBs hurt me, A LOT, and I have a very high pain tolerance. Once you've gone through that, especially a few times, it's surprising how much you'll give up without a second thought or a moment of missing/regret. The first time I tried to eat a cheeseburger post-surgery, I couldn't chew it well enough, and it hurt. I didn't PB it, but it hurt. I've not had red meat since. What do you think are the best things you do that has helped you have so much success? Part of the "success" is just numbers. I had a lot to lose, so I lost a lot quickly. That's really slowed down to a crawl. But if I had to identify one thing, it would be listening to my body when I eat, and really paying attention to when I'm no longer hungry vs. when I'm full. Those are two completely different states. And being an overeater, "full" usually meant miserable, not even healthy full. So I start with small portions, 1 of whatever I'm having... so 1 spoon of veggies, 1 chicken tender. And I eat it slowly, and when I'm no longer feeling hungry I stop. Almost every meal I could have eaten more if I really wanted it, but stopping when I'm no longer hungry really helped me keep it in check. And the other side to that is by only taking 1 of whatever, it's pretty much impossible to start off with too much food on my plate. When you do that, "clean your plate" syndrome kicks in. And you know what? In a wweird "rpud of myself" kind of way, it's awesome to be at a restaurant and have the waitor take a plate away that still has food on it.

Hi all, First off: Good Luck Carol, you'll do great. Steph C Im with you on the fudgcicles KayDotRN I was at Beth Israel too, who was your surgeon? I'm 9 days out now, went shoe shopping this morning and that was not a good idea, lots of dropping shoes on the floor and trying to get them on with my foot. (Still too sore to bend over a lot) It was pretty funny, I felt bad because I left a trail of shoes wherever I tried them on, poor salespeople But I did buy a killer pair of knee high boots that just dont quite zip all the way yet, but I shall call them my "bootspirations":scared: Ok, can we talk about a couple things: WT LOSS? Or lack thereof. I am nine days out. NINE DAYS of eating less than 1000 calories of liquids a day, and I am only down 4 Lbs, this is after gaining five after surgery. It's so frustrating. I am with you all who are stalling! I know it will come off eventually, it's just such a pain. CONSTIPATION: Could this be the source of my dreaded stalling wt loss? Sorry if it's too much info, but have you guys had any trouble with this. I've been taking milk of magnesia, but I just am completely unable to get "regular". I'm starting to fantasize about a good trip to the bathroom and subsequent scale drop instead of christmas Cookies = LOL the life of a bandster!!!! VARIATIONS IN DIET PROGRESSION: I'm sure all of us are having a hard time being sentenced to liquids for such a long time, especially at the holiday season. BUT, what makes it even harder is hearing that person A's surgeon says they can have mushies in one week, person B can have them in three weeks. Person C can have regular food in three weeks, while person D cant have them for eight weeks. Don't you guys think that makes it even harder. I'm all for following my surgeons recommendations to a T, but sometimes when the solid food is calling:hungry: , it's easy to just think, well - why not, so and so was allowed to have that at two weeks out, why can't I. It's the same band. Dangerous stuff, had to out my inner demons there. How are you guys dealing with it? I think the surgeons should all get together and make up their minds!!!! So hope all is well with everyone, survive the holiday parties. Don't forget fat free/low fat egg nog! :clap2:

I hate being on liquids. I love being on liquids. I hate being on liquids. I love being on liquids. I hate being on liquids. I love being on liquids. They're both true, but I can't make up my mind which is more true. I hate liquids because I would really like a hamburger or some Chick-fil-a. I love liquids because they broke my stall. I've been stalled for 3 weeks now. I had my 4th. fill on Wednesday (9cc total) and Dr. Jay requires liquids for a whole week. I've lost 7 lbs. since Wednesday. :biggrin1: :clap2: :biggrin1: I've also had a NSV. I was trying to get ready for work and it took me 15 minutes to find a pair of pants that wouldn't make me look like an M.C. Hammer impersonator. That day my work handed out Wal-Mart giftcards for Xmas. So I figured I would use it to buy 2 pairs of workpants. I've been wearing size 22 pants. The ones I bought for work are 16/18!! They're a little snug but that means I'll be able to wear them longer. After Xmas I'll be going shopping for everyday clothes. I can't believe that I'm actually looking forward to going shopping. It is also time for a challenge update. Those three weeks at a stall have really shortened my chances of making this goal. I'll get close though and I'm happy with that.

I hate being on liquids. I love being on liquids. I hate being on liquids. I love being on liquids. I hate being on liquids. I love being on liquids. They're both true, but I can't make up my mind which is more true. I hate liquids because I would really like a hamburger or some Chick-fil-a. I love liquids because they broke my stall. I've been stalled for 3 weeks now. I had my 4th. fill on Wednesday (9cc total) and Dr. Jay requires liquids for a whole week. I've lost 7 lbs. since Wednesday. :biggrin1: :clap2: :biggrin1: I've also had a NSV. I was trying to get ready for work and it took me 15 minutes to find a pair of pants that wouldn't make me look like an M.C. Hammer impersonator. That day my work handed out Wal-Mart giftcards for Xmas. So I figured I would use it to buy 2 pairs of workpants. I've been wearing size 22 pants. The ones I bought for work are 16/18!! They're a little snug but that means I'll be able to wear them longer. After Xmas I'll be going shopping for everyday clothes. I can't believe that I'm actually looking forward to going shopping. It is also time for a challenge update. Those three weeks at a stall have really shortened my chances of making this goal. I'll get close though and I'm happy with that.

Hey y'all, I just got my 4th. fill. I've got a total of 9cc now.I really hope this one works for a while. I was stalled for three weeks at 220. Now I've been on liquids since Wednesday and the scale has already gone down 7 lbs. :clap2: I'm still trying hard to make my New Year's Day goal. I may not get all the way, but I'll be close! I'm especially pleased that my stall has broken, because my grandmother is coming for xmas. Her favorite thing is to offer me cake, cookies, & fried chicken. Then when I accept she tells me I'm too fat and should lose weight. While patting my stomach. Why, I ask you, WHY? This didn't start out to be a vent, but thanks anyway.

:happybday2: Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday dear me, Happy Birthday to me! :happybday: Well, its my birthday again. Just like last year. I am hoping to be at goal by this time next year. You would think I'd be able to accomplish that. I've lost 60 lbs. in the 4 months since my surgery. I've got 80 lbs. left to lose before goal, so it should be possible to lose that over the next 12 months. That is my major long-term goal: to be at goal by my next birthday. Which will be the 1st. anniversary of my 29th. I've had a much better week, gym-wise. I went three times this week. I've been doing each machine and station twice in a row. Somehow this makes me think the workout is shorter. I've got a gullible brain I guess. My ticker remains the same. At least didn't gain during my period of sloth-itude. I'm just stalled. I'm getting another fill next week.

:happybday2: Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday dear me, Happy Birthday to me! :happybday: Well, its my birthday again. Just like last year. I am hoping to be at goal by this time next year. You would think I'd be able to accomplish that. I've lost 60 lbs. in the 4 months since my surgery. I've got 80 lbs. left to lose before goal, so it should be possible to lose that over the next 12 months. That is my major long-term goal: to be at goal by my next birthday. Which will be the 1st. anniversary of my 29th. I've had a much better week, gym-wise. I went three times this week. I've been doing each machine and station twice in a row. Somehow this makes me think the workout is shorter. I've got a gullible brain I guess. My ticker remains the same. At least didn't gain during my period of sloth-itude. I'm just stalled. I'm getting another fill next week.

Brandy...when do you wanna get together? I'm totally up for it. I burst out laughing at the hold hair in the stall comment. hahaha. I need to start working out. I threw up so much over the weekend that on Monday morning I was very depressed about it. I thought about the past week or so and realize that I'm trying to get away with eating things that I just can't eat anymore. sometimes I can..but most of the time I can't. Bread just is a no go for me now. So Monday morning I decided to conciously think about the choices I'm making and so I've been really careful about what I eat and how I eat it and I haven't thrown up since Sunday night. almost THREE days with no PBing! it's such sweet relief. I think I'm starting to figure this out!

Here is a letter I wrote to my health insurance to explain my situation. They told me that even though I was a perfect candidate for the lapband, they would not cover it. Nor would they cover ANY proceedure, medication, therapy, doctor's visit to discuss weightloss, gym membership. I borrowed the money and I had the band in July. At this time last year, I weighed 380. I now weigh 315! Maybe this can help someone.... Obesity is affecting my life in the following ways: Physically Hypertension My blood pressure continues to get higher and higher despite the use of medications. When I must walk any distance I can feel my pulse in my face. sleep Apnea I must now sleep with an ugly cumbersome breathing machine at night. I am afraid I will die in my sleep if I don’t use my CPAP. Caught Variant Asthma When I have an asthma attack, I cough because I can’t breathe. I cough so hard I turn purple, pee my pants and throw up…not nice anywhere, especially in front of a classroom full of elementary kids. Foot and ankle pain The pain in my feet and ankles is so severe, that at night I must elevate and ice them just to be able to walk around the house. I have spurs on many of my foot bones because I have carried around so much weight for so long. Chaffing My thighs rub together. My arms rub my sides. My fat folds rub each other and the tops of my legs. It is miserable! Even though I wash, medicate, powder, use antiperspirant under my belly fat and in the creases and wear absorbing cotton clothing, I STILL rub, sweat, chafe, hurt, and break out in nasty folliculitis. Walking My thighs are so fat; my legs are forced to spread, causing my gait to be too wide. This makes my hips and lower back hurt. I walk like an old fat cowboy duck. Just watch me next time I come into the room. I can’t walk more than a block without pain in my back, hips, feet and ankles. I am out of breath after the first 100 yards. My ankles and feet hurt so badly all day. Stairs? Ha. Going up is actually better than going down. I may be slow ascending stairs and need breaks within a single flight, but descending, well I can’t see my feet to see the next step below me. Each step down jars my huge frame. It is easier if I turn to the side, hold on to the rail and use a side step, using the same foot to lead on each step. I prefer elevators or escalators even if I am going down one flight. Sweating Have you ever been so winded and worn out after taking a trip through Wal-Mart that the sweat rolls down your back and into your butt crack? No? Try being me for a day. Getting Up I have a hard time getting in and up out of cars, chairs, the floor and bed. Fitting I need chairs without arms. Do you know how many chairs have arms? All movie theatres, all theatrical venues, all stadiums, all beauty shops, dentist chairs, office chairs, lawn chairs, waiting rooms, airplanes, trains, and most restaurants (I’m sorry ma’am we only have chairs with arms, do you think you could fit in a booth? HA!) I don’t fit in many cars, non handicapped bathroom stalls, dressing rooms, bathtubs, the spaces between clothing racks at stores, and turnstiles. Bathrooming First I must see if I have enough room to spread my leg wide enough to wipe, then I check the sturdiness of the toilet. I have been on a toilet in the midst of a very delicate maneuver when the toilet has come loose from the floor and made a horrible mess. It is a very embarrassing thing to have to tell your hostess that you broke her toilet and ruined the bathroom rugs. Once all seems to be fit, I do my business and then attempt to lean forward with one arm tucked under my belly. I must balance all of me onto my tip toes and reach through the front. This acrobatic feat is difficult. I do not fit in regular sized bathtubs. If I must bathe, I force my hips into the tub. I had to install a shower wand to clean my self properly while showering. I use hibiclense and other antimicrobial soaps and solutions to reduce the risk of folliculitis, and faruncles. I shower every morning and every evening to keep my fat folds clean and my body smelling nice. Clothing This is a big issue with me. I must be very careful in clothing I select as not to bring attention to my self. One day I bought a very expensive, very cute chartreuse short set. I wore it to the store and I had a very rude person look directly at me and mimic my walk and say, “Look, at me…I am a big, fat lime!” Super sized clothing is hard to find. Once you do find it, it is very expensive. I spend a lot of time, effort and money covering my body in a tasteful way. I must be very careful in selecting clothing. I cannot fit in any clothes from regular plus sized shops. I surpassed the sizes at Lane Bryant 5 years ago. I am now wearing the largest size at the only two mail order clothiers available. I will have to resort to having “tents” made for me if I don’t loose weight. Sex Sex is very difficult because of my large stomach and large backside. This is a very difficult topic to discuss, and an even more difficult topic to endure. My sex life is not what I want it to be because my fat makes sex very difficult. I also feel very self conscious about my body. Mentally Embarrassment I do not like the way I look. I feel embarrassed about how I look to other people. I feel that my fat makes me ugly and undesirable. It is embarrassing to not fit in a $120.00 Chicago theatre seat and have to ask the manager if there is any where else he could seat me. I am embarrassed when am winded from taking my students out to recess. I am embarrassed when I must lift my fat belly up over a turnstile to fit through it. Compensating I feel I must be better, smarter, funnier, cleverer, and more charming because I am fat. I have developed quite a sense of humor to mask my hurt at being left out of many things over the course of growing up. Sarcasm is one of my compensating tools. Sadness- I cry often because I am overwhelmed about my weight. It make s me feel so sad to think about all of the things I miss out on because I am fat. I hate myself for getting so fat and out of control. I am angry at myself for not being able to stick to an eating plan and exercise regime. Fear I do not want to develop heart problems because of my obesity. I fear going to the doctor each time, because I am expecting to hear the words “heart disease.” My blood pressure scares me. Anxiety then takes over and I feel overwhelmed with guilt and fear. Self Consciousness I cover my body with big baggy clothes. I cover my belly with a pillow to “hide” my fat when I am sitting on a couch. I am always very aware of how other people are looking at me, and the remarks they make. This horrible habit puts a strain on my marriage. Self Worth My self worth is in the toilet. I feel disgusting. I hate being fat and I hate not being able to control my food intake. I feel bad about not being able to lose weight. I feel like a failure because I am not able to stick to a successful diet or long range exercise program. These and many more mental obstacles must be overcome daily, even hourly. It is emotionally draining to have to prepare my self mentally for a day, not to mention the actually endurance of the emotions through the day. I am tired and disgusted with being so emotionally tied to this weight. Socially As a child I was ridiculed and left out of peer activities. In middle school I had a handful of friends, but the fat jokes and ridicule over shadowed me and made me feel worthless, ugly and unwanted. There was a rumor that followed me through all of 6th, 7th and 8th grades about me looking pregnant and every week it the big joke was to ask me whose baby it was. Ha! So funny! A three year “gestation period” was more than I could endure. I sought help from the school counselors. They told me if I lost weight they would stop bothering me. High school was miserable. I was never asked on a date, never held a boy’s hand. I was always overlooked. College was no different. Either were my 20s. No boyfriends, no dates, nothing…and I DID try. I tried 2 dating services; I spent 3 years in a huge singles group at my church. While my girlfriends were on dates and getting engaged, I was alone and depressed. I finally put a personal ad on yahoo. I did find a loving man who I fell in love with and married. I love my husband, but I wish I didn’t have the lonely rejection filled past. There are many social opportunities that I must turn down because of my morbid obesity. Camping, swimming, hiking and traveling are too difficult at my size. When a friend asks me to go out, I must consider all of the possibilities (Will there be room for me, is the restroom big enough, is her car big enough, will the chair support me even if I do fit?) There worries are enough to make me want to stay at home, and often times, I do because of worry and shame. Financially It is expensive to be fat and even more expensive to yo-yo diet. I have done both since I was 16. Specialty clothing costs twice as much as other clothes. My medical needs are very costly, even with health insurance. I spend lots of money on my favorite hobbies, eating and cooking. I need help. I want to be successful in losing weight. I am ready. I want to be able to walk with our pain. I want to be alive for another 35 years, at least! Please help me by considering me for weight loss surgery.

Well I have some restriction. Not a whole lot, but it is a start. I want to wait until I'm completely stalled before I schedule another fill. It seems like the only time I manage to lose weight is the week I'm on liquids after a fill. Although I must admit, that I only stayed on liquids for about three days. I had my measuring day at Curves a few days ago. I'd lost 20 lbs. since I joined and they were all asking me what was my secret. So I pulled up my shirt and showed 'em my scars. Then I erased my name off the "Brag Board" 'cuz I'd really rather people didn't keep bringing it up. It makes me feel very awkward. I've never been good at accepting compliments & praise. I'm really very self-deprecating. Most of the time. Here are my stats from the Curves measuring day: Bust 49 in. -3 in. Waist 47in. -4 in. Abdomen 52 in. -3 in. Hips 50 in. -3 in. Thighs 28 in. -2 in. Arms 16.5 in. -2 in. Body fat 42.6% -1.9% (for stats from my 1st. Curves measuring day, see entry #24)

Well I have some restriction. Not a whole lot, but it is a start. I want to wait until I'm completely stalled before I schedule another fill. It seems like the only time I manage to lose weight is the week I'm on liquids after a fill. Although I must admit, that I only stayed on liquids for about three days. I had my measuring day at Curves a few days ago. I'd lost 20 lbs. since I joined and they were all asking me what was my secret. So I pulled up my shirt and showed 'em my scars. Then I erased my name off the "Brag Board" 'cuz I'd really rather people didn't keep bringing it up. It makes me feel very awkward. I've never been good at accepting compliments & praise. I'm really very self-deprecating. Most of the time. Here are my stats from the Curves measuring day: Bust 49 in. -3 in. Waist 47in. -4 in. Abdomen 52 in. -3 in. Hips 50 in. -3 in. Thighs 28 in. -2 in. Arms 16.5 in. -2 in. Body fat 42.6% -1.9% (for stats from my 1st. Curves measuring day, see entry #24)

A friend sent this to me and it had me lmao. Hope you enjoy and can add to it. You Know You Are A WLS Patient When "I have a date" doesn't mean you are going out. You have baby food in the house and no baby. "I'm a loser" is a good thing. All of your silverware says "Gerber" A wooden spoon isn't just for cooking anymore. "Welcome to the other side" does not mean you have die. New clothes fall off the next week. You are excited about "hand me downs" The scale at Wal-Mart doesnt'r say "one at a time please "Going bald and getting wrinkles is a good thing. Just Water for me please. Hitting the "Century Mark" is a good thing! You love the taste of Chewable Centrum Rugrats Vitamins or biting the head off of Wilma You can be Touched by an Angel and not be considered crazy. When your rear end doesn't look like a mud slide anymore??? When your excited your incision is only 6 inches When the word lap has nothing to do with a strip club!! Other women are calling you "bitch" behind your back. When you are glared at in the plus size dept because you really don't belong there anymore! When you really don't have a thing to wear !When you have to prove you are you on your license! When you start being IN the pictures, not behind the camera! Life has new possibilities. You want to hug everyone who is fat and give them your surgeon's card. You are never without a bottle of water. When people look surprised when they see how little you eat When you know all too well the definition of "dumping". When you can see your feet for the first time in years!! When you order a doggy bag the same time you order your meal. Counting Protein grams instead of calories You can say "Oh, I won't have any of that, I'm full" and really mean it Being to small for your britches. When the only way your nipples are where they belong is to roll them up, position in your bra & secure with a pony-tail holder!!! (sorry for the visual guys!) Having someone say, "I can put my arm (not arms) all the way around you!! "When you go to your child's school and the other kids say WOW you're mom is hot!When you go to the mall and you park in the first open space instead of circling for 20 minutes for a spot by the door. When you and your new best WLS friend are planning a date to get belly button rings...(or a tattoo!) You truly are a "Cheap date" and not in the way that some think..... When one drink makes you a flipping floozy... When you run you don't hear a flapping noise.....oh wait you still do.....but at least your running! When not throwing up counts as a really good day! When you flip up your shirt to show your scar to a complete stranger! You feel like you have over eaten after eating half a cup of something. Vitamins and Calcium etc. feel like a meal. When your pants suddenly fall to the ground! You go from size 56 DDDD to 32AAA and in one year and you didn't have a breast reduction. When the chef comes out from the kitchen and asks you "what's the matter, don't you like the meal? "You've just lost 100 pounds, and someone who hasn't seen you in a while says .... "Gee, did you change your hairstyle?" or what did you do, cut down on carbs? When you bend over and see daylight through your thighs You can cross your legs....both of em! When you say, "I just got these clothes last week and they're already too big!" Trying to cash a check and the teller says, "That's not you!" Instead of the "Wonder Bra" you need a "Wonder Where They Went Bra" When you walk by a mirror and say to yourself "Who is that girl?" When people take a double look at you. When you go out for the evening and feel like Cinderella. When your obsession turns from food to your scale. When they no longer have to call 911 and the jaws of life to extricate you from the turnstiles When your boobs are no longer just big, but they're are now also looonngg. When the Sharpei you pass on the street reminds you of someone......You! When taking a splinter out of your own foot no longer involves rope with the tweezers or a second party with tweezers. When you start buying shoes that tie again When your hand will fit in the Pringles can again, but you don't want any. When the thought of an all you can eat buffet makes you want to barf. When the steering wheel in your car no longer cuts off the circulation in your tummy You no longer have a mark on your shirt from the steering wheel rubbing on it. When you drop food, it no longer lands on your boobs, but hits your lap where the napkin is. No more cracked toilet seats! You can avoid the handicap stalls in public restrooms because you can now "fit" in a regular stall. The thought of flying coach no longer sends you into a panic attack. When your able to tuck a blouse into your pants When you don't use the tongs to fry chicken When you are excited to be able to go to the thrift shops and get your dressy clothes When the flight attendant doesn't reach for the seat belt extender & you can sit by the window When you can drive your car with the steering wheel down, and you can bring the seat somewhat closer to the gas pedal, instead of using your tippy toes When people actually "see" you and talk to you, and not through you like you are invisible. When you order a child's meal, and take half of it home in a doggie bag When checking for leaks doesn't mean looking at your panties!!!!!! When your spandex shorts are used for *JOGGING*, and not merely as an anti-chaffing between-the-thighs-shielding-device. When your exercise equipment isn't just for drying your fine washables anymore. When you start dropping things on purpose, just because you can pick it up so easily now. People who know you are concerned that you are working out too much. You mother says "dear, you aren't eating enough". When you can honestly say "I threw my back out from a combo of mountain climbing in the daytime and too much wild sex in the nighttime on my romantic vacation with my new Swedish boyfriend, Sven", instead of "I threw my back out trying to wipe my own @$$". When they say "put your trays up" on the plane and yours was actually down! When someone gives you a hand and it's applause, not help up out of your chair. You don't even NOTICE the shock of horror on everyone's face when you turn to your spouse in a public place and exclaim that you are about to DUMP. When your Dr. looks you in the eye and says, "I know you will be a success at this. "When your boyfriend/spouse starts gaining weight because of eating your leftovers. When you can run up a flight of stairs and aren't even panting a little! When you are laying flat on your back and realize that the bulges in your armpits are where your boobs have gone. When you leave a piece of you wherever you go (hair). When you realize that you are no longer the "big girl" in the office You can't wait to wake up and start your day. You are having sex and your husband complains of your hip bones poking him. Your butt gets tired of sitting because you have no padding. You can sit cross-legged on the floor and you show everyone who will look. You can wear corduroy pants without starting small fires behind you! Being able to do Taebo without being winded... but pilates kick your butt Running into old flames, and saying "Do I know you?" You look forward to flirting with the new cute phlebotomist at your doctor's office. Your clothes fall off in a public place and your scream for joy, not embarrassment You go out to eat and ask if anyone wants to split a kids meal with you You have clothes left at the alterations place for months, because every time you go in to try them on, they are still too big and have to be taken in again "Cheating" means eating three crackers You stop ordering combo meals because you are not allowed to have the soda You stop looking for minimizer bras, and start buying water bras! When people you know but haven't seen since before surgery DON'T know you! When you wave and your upper arms wave back When you walk backwards no one feels the need to make a beeping sound When your daughter says, "mommy - when I grow up I want to have long, hangy down, pointy boobies just like you". You have to safety pin your underwear on (size 14 panties on a size 6 butt) You've ever eaten (and enjoyed) pureed tuna Having your neighbor think your husband had gotten a divorce and married someone thin! You turn on the morning show JUST to see Al Roker! Before your surgery, it's all you can talk about...After your surgery, it's all everyone else can talk about!! You are actually bold enough to admit your weight, and even post it on the internet!!!You can eat 1/4 of a chicken breast and feel like you just finished Thanksgiving dinner. You actually look forward to stepping on the scale! You are not embarrassed of anything that you have in your buggy at the supermarket!You have a wingspan larger than an airplane...LOL!! Your co-workers are getting diet tips from you instead of vice versa! When it doesn't take your breath away to roll over in bed. When you're no longer embarrassed to tell people you weigh 200 pounds Being able to hang clothes in the closet without them falling off the hanger Looking for protein everything Having your children take your food because you are full not the other way around Not afraid of the elevator because of weight limit Cannot only blame the cat for shedding When after a night on the town with some support group friends you go out to Breakfast, order 1 meal, and split it 4 ways! And once you have finished eating, there's still a half of each quarter portion left on each plate! When you are the one (instead of your husband) that blames that terrible odor on the dog! When your pet needs a gastric bypass because you feed it all your leftovers! You leave costco feeling like you've left an all you can eat buffet (all those free samples!) When food tastes the same coming up as it did going down and water is still cold coming up! When you call Lane Bryant and cancel your credit card. When you race to your scale for a quick fix instead of your fridge? When Crystal Lite is too sweet for your taste buds When you spend more time reading product labels than you do any books. When you spend a day in your room trying on clothes you shoved to the back of the closet When researching plastic surgery for your TT, boobs, arms, thighs becomes a near olympic event When you say "OMG I LOOOOOVE chocolate" and you are referring to a Protein shake and not a box of Fanny Mae or Ethel M's You buy 3 Lean Cuisines a week...and that's your total groceries. Your rings keep spinning around your fingers The kids wonder what happened to the cookie and cake fairy...did she die??? - Author Unknown

I have PB'd once, and had one strange incident with air. LOL Let me explain. I had eaten an hour earlier, and all of a sudden i got really light headed and nausiated. I ran to the bathroom, mouth water, thinking i was going to puke. this was three days after my first pb so i was tender and scared. I leaned over the sink, all the stalls were taken, heaved and nothing but a lot of air came out. and voila! I felt fine. it was freaky. I also do the 6 small meals a day, every 2 hours. I do not get in 1000 cals a day. I average closer to 600, but i am losing like crazy. and occasionally i drink with meals, or drink my meal. it just depends on what i feel like eating. my one pb moment was fast, and all my fault. i was eating in the car and ate too big a bite. I was on my period so i had restriction, and it just got stuck. I pulled into a car park lot, got out, threw it up and i was fine. no pain or anything. but i was tender for a few days after. this was about 4 weeks after the band sugery.

Hope If you are regularly PB'ing, you probably don't need a fill yet. Get that under control before doing anything more to yourself. I think you just need to pay attention to what your body is telling you. I am one of the older gals, too - 60. We just react to things differently than the 30 year olds. Metabolism is different now. Sad, but that is the way it is. I would forget WW and follow the bandster diet. Three oz of Protein, then veggies, then carbs. I just try to eat good food. I have yet to have my first fill. Banded about 2 months ago. However, I have been gaining and losing the same pound for about three weeks. I found I was able to eat anything I wanted to put in my mouth, *normal* sized bites, and but still chewed well. That isn't good. No wonder I have stalled. I finally made my first fill appointment for the end of July. We may just be slow losers.

The Journey My Initial Stats: Initial BMI 42.5 Ideal BMI 23 Initial Weight 288.4 Ideal Weight 156 Total amount of wt. I have to lose- 132 Height in inches 68 (5'8") Where I Am Today Current weight 178 Current BMI 27.1 total pounds I have lost - 110 total pounds I still need to lose - 22 percentage of wt. lost - 83.3% (total wt. lost divided by the total amount I have to lose- 132 pounds) The Motivation: Christmas 2005 My daughter is getting married! She wants a big wedding. I'm so excited for her, but all I keep thinking about are the wedding pictures forever sitting on the mantle, with my fat arms and chubby chipmunk cheeks staring back at me. How will find a "special" dress that will fit right? Gowns in the bridal salon only go up to a size 24, and I am now a solid size 26. Oh the pain, and the panic! They've set the date for April 14th, 2007, so I have 15 1/2 months! Mid January 06 - I read about Lap Band and begin to research. I can see from the start that I will have to be self pay because of small business group exclusion on my policy. Early February 06 - I call St. Agnes and get the low down on attending their information night. Dr. Averbach is the speaker, as is his nurse, Cathy Carr. I go home after the meeting and talk to hubby, and he is willing to lay out the money from savings, though he is very, very concerned about the band's safety. He makes me get an appointment with our family doctor/ friend and discuss this with him. I bring info and get the doctor's ok. In 28 years of marriage I have never ask my husband for anything of this magnitude. It's so much money! In moments when the low self esteem kicks in, that small voice inside tries to tell me that I am not worth it. But I'm fighting back, and yes, yes, YES I AM worth it. I want this band so bad! I understand clearly that this journey will take three years. I will not be "skinny" by the wedding, but I should be well on my way. I'm ok with that. This wedding is the push that I've needed. Late February 06 - the whirlwind has started. I need a psychological evaluation, a meeting with Cathy Carr, an evaluation with the nutritionist, a complete physical and blood work, and a meeting with the doctor. When all is said and done, I am scheduled for surgery four days after Easter- April 20th, 2006. The wedding is April 14th, 2007, so I have exactly ONE year. THE JOURNEY Here We Go....... My 'OFFICIAL" pre-op starting wt. is 288+ but I am sure I gained a few pounds (at least a couple) between my initial weigh-in and the actual surgery date! :svengo: 4/20/06- surgery date - The journey begins! 2 wks. of liquid diet (15 pds. total for April) The surgery was worse than I thought it would be. I expected to be down for a day or two. I still feel rough after a week. Getting into a sitting up or lying down positions are the worst because it uses the tummy muscles. I have awful shoulder pain. Actually, it hurts worse than any of the incisions. Nothing really seems to help ease the pain. This is not fun! I am choosing to believe that each and every day will be getting better, and I am looking forward to tomorrow. :shocked: April total - 15lbs. 5/2/06 (12 days post op) 273 lbs.- begin mushies total wt loss- 15 lbs. :thumbsup: Mushies aren't so bad, though I have read that others have struggled with this phase. I am not really that hungry. I can eat about a cup of food, but they ARE mushies. I do miss being able to "crunch" foods. The incisions itch like crazy. I know this is part of the healing, but I wonder if I am allergic to the tape, the steri strips, or something else? It does seem to be worse when I am hot. It almost drives me crazy, but I am afraid I'll rip my incision open if I keep scratching. Even with the itching, I am sure I have done the right thing. I love my band!:Banane28: 5/16/06 (4 wk check-up) - wt loss 4 1/2 lbs. (268 1/2 lbs.)- start regular diet The first solid food was tuna salad. I was immediately stuck. Oh the pain! It lasted about 20 minutes, before I finally got "unstuck". Think smaller bites, Kim! I am also having an awful time with Ketosis. My breath is beyond foul. I brush, I floss, I brush my tongue, I eat breath mints, I gargle, but NOTHING HELPS. To make matters worse, I smell bad. I smell like I need a good shower. Even after I take a shower, I feel like I still smell bad. I scrub, I buff, I use deodorant soap, and I STILL smell bad. The smell is stuck on my skin. My face feels like someone smeared cooking oil on it. In fact, my whole body feels oily, and I have always had DRY SKIN. My hair is greasy. I'm a mess! I know that this too will pass, but right now it's pretty gross. I am trying to drink more water, and eat more proteins. total loss- 19 1/2 lbs. :bathbaby: I need to focus on good things. I am so proud of myself. One half pound shy of 20 pounds that are GONE FOREVER. 5/30/06 (6 wk check-up) - wt loss 4 1/2 lbs. (264 lbs.) Dr. says not to return until 2 wks without wt loss. He will schedule fill at that time. Bring food diary when I come for first fill. My port is still sore. It's not painful (unless I lift something heavy), but it often hurts. total loss- 23 1/2 lbs. (9 pounds total for May) 6/13/06 (8 wks post-op) - still no fill - down 4 lbs. to 260 total loss- 28 lbs. :biggrin: I am learning what I can and what I can not eat. I can eat steak(which is a surprise). I can not eat chicken. I can not eat soft bread. I can not eat fresh green beans. I love and miss the chicken and bread. This is really a bummer. But I need to stay focused on what I can eat. No turning back now. :hurray: 6/20/06 (9 weeks post-op) lost 2lbs. Current wt. 258 total loss - 30 lbs. :thumbsup: (6 pds. total for June) My port is right at the waistband of my pants. I have made the correlation between port pain and semi-tight elastic. I can feel it if it rubs. My pants don't even have to be tight. It has everything to do with where the waistband hits. Twice now the pain went away as soon as I took off my pants. :idea: June total lost- 6 lbs. 7/3/06 (11 weeks) down 2 pounds to 256. (only 2 pounds in the last 2 weeks) Total loss 32 pounds! - I've been struggling! I have NO restriction, so I knew it was time for my first fill! Yuck! It hurts! I found out I have an "Inamed" brand band, 10cm size (average). The first fill is usually 2 cc's - which is what I got! I'm back on track and so far, so good! I can feel restriction and I am eating less. Dr says next fill is going to be under xray so that he can check up on things and look at the band. He is very very pleased with my progress. He said the first year goal is 30% loss, 20% the second and 20% the third years. I am already at 23% loss after the first 3 months, so I should be able to make the 30% goal very easily! :yesnod: 7/10/06- wk. 12 - wt. 253 (down 3 lbs.) I have more restriction than before, but not enough. Let's see how it goes! I am having some problems with gas. This is a new issue. How embarrassing! Sometimes I'm so loud. I also have constipation. That is a much easier problem to take care of. Occasional gas is a small price to pay for losing 35 pounds. :behindsofa: April 15, 2006 - 288 lbs. July 1, 2006 - 256 lbs. Sept. 28, 2006 - 234 lbs. Jan. 20, 2007 - 224 lbs. April 14, 2007 - 214 lbs. Oct. 18, 2007 - 181 lbs. 7/18/06 - wk. 13 - 252 (1 pound). Well, hubby now says he can notice the weight loss. I catch him looking at me. I think he likes what he's seeing! He's now working out harder than before. I have virtually no restriction to speak of. Wt is coming off at about a pound a week. I guess that's ok. Could be better though. So slooowww. Lord, I need patience! :cryin: 7/25/06 - wk. 14 - 251 (1 pound) Not too bad considering we ate out alot this week. I have more restriction now, and I'm not real sure why. I guess I'm just glad I do have some! Thirty seven pounds gone forever! My clothes are getting loose now, and I can see the weight loss in my face. It's a bummer though that no one has noticed or said anything about the fact that I'm losing weight. Well, that's not totally true. The mail lady saw me and said something. God bless her! She'll never know how much I needed that little boost. (7 pounds total for July) :clap: 8/1/06- 2nd fill- lots of restriction! I did a dumb thing. I got a fill, then left the next day for vacation in Mexico. I could have really been in trouble if I would have needed an unfill. Not real smart, Kim! I think my restriction is worse because of flying. I can't eat much at all, a few bites here and there. I'm sad that I can't eat all the delicious vacation food, but I'm also happy that my band is slowing me down from eating all the delicious vacation food, otherwise I'd overeat, just because it's there. I wish I had more self control. I wish food wasn't such an "issue" for me. I am so happy to have my band. I have to focus on SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR :boom: August total lost- 9 lbs. 9/7/06- 241 (10 pounds) 44 days since last weight check that's 10 pounds in 6 weeks. I'm going slow, but at least it's steady! Embarrassing moment- I was at the church picnic and got "stuck". I fought it, and kept swallowing (very bad move). Finally I could stand it no longer, but when I headed for the ladies room, the line was huge. I ran around the back of the building just in time. I pb'ed a HUGE amount of nasty, stringy mucus right there in the grass. I kept praying that no one would walk by and find me retching mucus in the grass. My eyes were watering, and I had strings coming out of both my nose and mouth. Of course, not a tissue in sight. Oh, how awful. Definitely a LOW moment. :puke: 10/26/06 - 230 (11 pounds) 49 days since last weight. Losing at about the same rate. Seven weeks exactly. That's still about 10 pounds per six weeks. That's still slow and steady. I have noticed that my band becomes tight or loose, depending on my monthly cycle. I guess it has to do with fluids and/ or swelling. I sure can tell a difference though just from week to week. :target: 11/13/06- 230 (0 pounds lost) Frustrating! Time for another fill? Not sure what's up! I am struggling with finding things in my wardrobe that will fit. Everything I wear is huge on me. I did break down and bought a couple pairs of winter pants. I know they won't fit by next fall, but I really needed the clothes. I got an inexpensive black blazer, a pair of black pants and a pair of jeans. I can change the look of the blazer with different shirts and scarfs. I noticed that even my black loafers from last year are sloppy on me. So I guess that means I've lost weight in my feet? :confused5: 11/22/06- 228 (2 pounds lost) Finally, the scale moved! I've got to watch the desserts!!!!!!! Oh that darn sweet tooth. That makes only 2 pounds lost in the last 27 days. I've got to do better than this!:lost2lbs: 11/29/06- 227 (1 pound) Still lost weight, and got through Thanksgiving Yeaaa!!!! :biggrin3: September, October and November total loss- 15 lbs. 12/6/06 - 226 (1 pound) Slow, but still losing. Bought boots that fit over my calf and a XL Christmas dress. I can't even remember the last time I owned a pair of boots. I was looking at them, wishing like always that I could buy a pair, and in a moment of abandon I slipped off my shoe and slid on the boot. It went over my calf with ease. I got all filled up right there in the Walmart! I floated on a cloud the rest of the day. I can't wait to get dressed up and surprise hubby! I know he's going to love them! It's all really starting to pay off! One pound a week isn't the best, but I'm happy with it, especially in winter. :rolleyes5: 12/13/06- 225 (1 pound) It's been a hungry week. Too much Christmas junk food in the house and lots of "teenage drama" going on makes me want to run to the pantry. I have to learn to control the emotional eating. That's really been hard for me. It's not something the band can do for me. It's not even because I'm hungry. It's all about self control. I'm feeding myself to comfort myself. Stuffing food to stuff down the emotions. Christmas can be such a stressful time with so many different emotions. I am trying so hard to stay on track! Different businesses keep sending goodies and gift baskets to my husband's company. We've gotten TONS of cookies, candy, nuts, cocoas, cheeses, oh the list goes on and on..... I keep giving it away and more seems to grow in it's place. :mad3: 12/20/06- 224 (1 pound) Lots of Christmas goodies! Oh the temptations. I've started doing a little bit of reading about tummy tucks, breast lifts, arm skin reduction etc. It scares the bejeebees out of me. It looks so painful. I think it's so much more involved than the actual lap band surgery. I'm not sure what I will need, but the arms and tummy are sagging already. It doesn't look awful yet, but I still have such a long way to go. :svengo: December weight loss= 3 lbs. 1/19/07- 224 (same) back on track. I didn't lose over Christmas, and in fact, I really didn't gain. I just stayed the same weight. Time to clean out the pantry and get serious. I have really been noticing portion size. I see for the first time how much food restaurants consider to be a "portion". It wasn't so long ago that I could eat an appetizer, bread, and a cocktail, a salad, an entrée with sides, coffee and dessert. When they bring my plate now I just stare in disbelief at all the food. It's enough to feed me for days! Waiters always ask if something is wrong with the food because I don't eat much of it. I have just learned to ask for a box to take the leftovers home. Sometimes I can eat the leftovers, but sometimes they are just too dry to get down on the second day. :lightbulb: 1/20/07- Yes, the band is working. I am not losing as fast as some people on the boards, but I AM losing. The non-scale victories continue to amaze me each day. * I fit in the regular stall in public restrooms now. * I don't get stuck in chairs that have arms anymore. * I don't need a seat belt extender anymore on airplanes. *I can sit on a folding chair without being afraid it won't hold my weight. * I fit in the bucket seat of my little car. * My Henderson wetsuit ALMOST fits. Just a couple more pounds and it will look great! * I weigh less than the weight listed on my driver's license. I see all these victories, yet I still continue to think like a large person. My mind hasn't caught up with my body. * Until recently, I was still ordering large size portions without thinking. * Sometimes I forget to chew, chew, chew. Then I end up PBing for a half hour. * I still crave sweets. * I still hate to exercise. Though I don't like to admit it, I really hate... * that some of my favorite clothes no longer fit. * that I can't eat what I want. * that I have lost about half of my hair * PBing in a filthy public toilet. * Losing my boobies. * The sagging tummy skin * the scars from my incisions No weight lost in January 2/06/07- (224.9) This is my weight and stats according to Dr. Averbach and his magic scale. According to his records I have lost 63.5 pounds. I have a 10 cm band filled 3.2cc. This is my third fill. I know that each fill is supposed to be half of the size of the last fill. The maximum fill is 4cc. February weight loss 4lbs. 3/2/07 (220) (24 days) Yay! Not much restriction, but at least I'm losing! Thank you, Lord! :thumbup: 3/26/07 (216) (24 days) Four pounds! Yea! I'm working much harder these days. I HAVE to get into my gown for my daughter's wedding. If it doesn't look right, it will be no one's fault but my own. March weight loss- 4 lbs. 4/5/07 (214) (10 days) I lost 2 pounds. Only nine days until the wedding! I tried on my gown, and I can't believe the girl staring back at me in the mirror. Who is she? What a life-changing year this has been. I feel so blessed to have been given this chance.:rose: 4/15/07- (One day after the wedding) How can one three letter word have so much power? I finished dressing yesterday and came out to show my husband my dress. He just stood there frozen, eyes wide, staring at me, and for a few seconds I thought he didn't like my dress. And then, all he said was "wow". But it wasn't just "wow", it was more like "WOW", and in that moment his eyes said it all. The pain of the surgery, the fills, the pb'ing, in that moment it all became sooo worth it! It was one of those "heart moments" I'll always treasure, and NEVER forget. In the light of his eyes, I could see that he was so very proud of me! And you know what else? I AM SO VERY PROUD OF ME TOO! Underneath the ugly, fat duckling, just maybe there IS a beautiful swan fighting to get out. And the wedding...well, it was perfect! My sweet baby girl looked like a princess. She is SO happy, and so in love. Oh yeah, and the wedding pictures that will be on my mantle WILL BE GREAT! How far I have come in just ONE year! :heart: April weight loss- 2 lbs. May weight loss- 1 lb. gained :eek: 6/19/07 (215.3) (6 wks) I've yo-yo'ed between 213-216 for the past 6 weeks. I have no restriction. I went and saw Dr. Averbach today for my 4th fill. Both he and Cathy Carr continue to say I'm doing great, though the last few months have been so slow. He added 1/2 cc. That means I have 3.7 cc in my band. Wow! Do I have restriction now! I think I'm too tight, but I want to work with it for awhile and see how it goes. After more than 1 year I can finally say I have restriction. I now understand some of the things they were saying, like don't drink for 1/2 hour before eating. I've never had to worry about this before. I could always drink. Well, there is no doubt that I'll be losing weight again real soon! I am going to the store for protein shakes today. I can comfortably eat about 2 tablespoons of food. I really need to watch my fluid intake. I don't want to dehydrate. I know I can get into trouble real fast here if I'm not careful. I also put a styrofoam cup and extra napkins in my car in case I have to pb while I am out somewhere :driving: 6/25/07 (209) What a bummer day. I had been out all morning, it was HOT outside and I was waiting at the car wash. It was 1pm and I was so hungry. I hadn't eaten all day. I was so tight early this morning. They sell ice cream kiddie cups at the car wash. I KNOW I shouldn't have bought and ate one, but well, I just caved and sat there minding my own business, eating my kiddie cup. A lady came in and sat beside me. She had a bag of cookies and offered one to the man on her right. They chatted for a minute, then she turned to me and said loudly "I'd offer YOU one, but I see you're already having your treat for the day and I don't want to be an enabler". OUCH! How does one respond to something like that? I was shocked, angry, and embarrassed. Chalk up one more painful comment to add to the list. Why are some people so cruel? I just sat there and thought "lady, you don't have a clue!" It really took the wind out of my sails, because I've been so proud of my appearance lately. Yes, I still have a long way to go, but LOOK HOW FAR I'VE COME. Ewwwww, I get soooo mad, but I won't give up my power to someone who hasn't got a clue about my life. :cuss: 6/27/07 (208)(8 days) Well, 7.3 pounds this week. Yup, I've got restriction. I've spent the last week forcing fluids and pb'ing. Yuck! I have loosened up a little bit, but not enough yet. I have to be careful here. I'm not used to having to chew, chew chew. On Sunday I got a bean stuck and it tortured me all afternoon. I'm relearning more everyday. Is this worth it? Right now, yes, but darn is this hard. :hurt: June weight loss- 7 lbs. 7/2/07 (205) (6 days) 3 pounds since last weight check. Whoever says this is the easy way out doesn't have a clue. I'm learning to work with the restriction, but it's not been easy. I am very limited in what I can eat. Even taking my pills takes most of the morning. The evening loosens the band up quite a bit, but bites have to be smaller than the nail on my baby finger. Anything more gets stuck. It takes forever to eat 1/4 cup. I think about fluid intake all the time. I watch my urine for signs that I'm not drinking enough (dark yellow vs. clear). I've read about banded people dehydrating and ending up in the hospital. I can't have that happen. I want to hold on and lose this weight. I feel I'm getting closer everyday. No turning back now. I have to keep focused on positive things. Hmmm, here's a positive... hubby says I am getting much more "flexible". HeHeHe :blush2: 7/11/07 (203) (9 days since last entry) 2 pounds since last weight check. I am so glad I stuck it out and didn't get an unfill. The restriction has loosened up quite a bit. While it's true that I'm still very tight, I can eat much better now. I am back in ketosis again. I hate ketosis. My skin and hair are oily and my breath is awful! I am hoping it gets better now that I can eat and drink more. I have a new non-scale victory. My size 18 pants are starting to get loose on me. It's almost time to say goodbye to Lane Bryant! :lol2: 7/18/07 - (201) Leaving for vacation tomorrow. :thumbup: 7/27/07- (203) Returned from a great diving vacation in Mexico. My new wet suit worked out great, though I do seem to get cold much faster these days. I guess I really don't have the body fat that I used to have. I do need to get a new bcd soon, as my old one is falling off me now. I always use extra weight in Mexico, because the water is very salty there. Still, I am down to using 18 pounds. Pretty darn good! Bummer- I gained two pounds on vacation, but I do love the food there! Opps! :mad3: Total loss for July is 3 pounds. I lost 5, but gained back two. :mad: 8/6/07 (199) Well, vacation was a set-back, but I got back on track, and lost the weight I gained. Today was the big RED LETTER DAY I've waited so long for. Today I hit 199 pounds. I am finally in "Onederland". I haven't been at this weight for so many years! It feels GREAT! :clap2: 8/9/07 (198) I'm doing alot of swimming. It really makes a difference, and it certainly is an exercise I enjoy. Yesterday I ate one of Josh's french fries from McDonald's and immediately became stuck. I am still sore and I hurt today. No solids for another day or so! :sad: 8/27/07 (196)(Monday) Last Wednesday I threw up after dinner. I guess I became irritated, and threw up again on Thursday at the party. Then on Friday night I threw up the tomato soup I had for dinner. Saturday and Sunday I couldn't keep down any fluids and by today (Monday) I was seriously dehydrated. I went into St. Agnes. Dr Averbach met me there. I had three bags of i.v. fluids, and he removed the fluids from my band. I am wide open with no restriction now. I have to be this way for 2 weeks while my tummy heals. I have been worried this would happen. I thank God that the band didn't slip or erode. I was so worried that I had done something to it. I feel awful. I really think I might have something gastric going on. :puke: September 11, 2007- (lbs.) Well, I've gained a few pounds. No surprise! I've had no restriction since the band has been wide open. The worst part is that all the old cravings and obsessions have returned. I think about food alot, and crave certain things relentlessly. I saw Dr. Averbach today, and he agreed to a re-fill. He only filled me to 2.5. I use to be 3.7 with a maximum of 4.0, so I have lots of room for more fills. I am really tight. This surprises me, but I guess it's a good thing. It feels good to get back on track. It feels good to be back in control of "me" again. :rolleyes2: Sept. 24, '07- (194 lbs) I lost the weight I gained while I was unfilled, plus 2 extra pounds, so I am definitely back on track. My next big goal is to be down 100 pounds. I only have 6 pounds to lose to make this goal. I know I can do it! :biggrin2: Sept 26, '07- (192 lbs.) I'm down two more pounds! Now I only have four pounds to go! Wow! I am so excited! :Dancing_biggrin: October 2, '07 (187lbs.) Well, I did it! I'm down 100 pounds. I keep looking at the scale in disbelief. I have waited so long for this day. So much has changed for me in the last 18 months. No more staring. No more mean and hurtful comments. No more fears about chairs that might break or places that I might not fit. I am in-between sizes. I think I am somewhere between a 14 and a 16. I really want to be a 12, so I still have a long way to go, but look how far I've come! I love my band! :party: Oct.3,'07- Last night I went to my son's school for a function. I saw several moms there that I haven't seen since winter/spring. For the 3rd time now, someone didn't recognize me. I am getting comments all the time now, and I have to admit, it feels great! I get the feeling that everyone thought I would start to gain again after the wedding. I do feel self-conscious when I eat in front of others. I always feel like others are watching me. I'm not sure what they are thinking, but I just know I'm being watched. :rolleyes5: Oct. 9, '07- (184) I've been losing weight too fast. I have reflux at night, and I am having trouble with solid foods. I needed an unfill. I went to see Dr. Averbach today. I had been filled to 2.5 cc's. When he removed the fluid, there was just 2.0 cc's in the band, so he took me down to 1.6 cc's. I got relief almost instantly, and the nausea went away. I need a few days to make sure this is the correct fill. if not, I'll go back for another adjustment. Now I need to eat and drink and build up my body again. I have been so tired, and I haven't felt like doing much of anything. Yesterday I had to return something at the store before the 30 days was up. I looked around while I was there, since I have NO pants that fit. I tried on 3 pairs. I am a perfect size 14 pants. Wow!!!!!! I have said all along that I would be thrilled if I could ever get into a 14. That has always been a goal. Well, I made the goal in 1 1/2 years. I stood in the dressing room and just stared in disbelief. I just savored the moment. It's been so many years since I've been at this weight. Life is great!!!! :hurray: 10/15/07- (pounds) Well, I didn't lose anything this week, but I've been trying hard to rebuild my body. I really needed food and fluids. I have been tired with NO energy. It's an effort to do anything. I was also in Ketosis again. I HATE the oily skin and stinky breath. I've been pushing the proteins and I should be ok any day now. I spent the weekend cleaning out my closet. I had ONE winter shirt that fit! I had no casual clothes. Even my shoes are huge. I am walking out of my loafers. It's also time for new unders. Everything is BAGGY. On Saturday hubby took me to Coldwater Creek to get me some new things. I have seen their catalog, but I've never been in the store before. Oh my gosh, the clothes are beautiful! I found out I am a size 14 pants, and a 12-14 top and jacket. As I tried on things I felt so stylish. The salesgirls are so nice in there. They kept asking what size I needed, what pieces I needed for my wardrobe. I'm thinking umm, I need everything, and I don't have a clue what size I am. I just stood in front of the mirror with tears in my eyes. Finally I had to confess to the saleslady about my journey. I don't know what the latest fashion is, or my size, and I've never been in a store like this, let alone know what "cut" of pants I need. I was so happy that they were such kind and understanding women. I really got some pretty things. I was wiped out that night. Hubby has no clue just how overwhelming the day was. Oh yeah, and on Sunday I looked awesome for church. :success1: Oct. 29,'07- 178 (lost 110 pounds) Well, I am still too tight. I go Wednesday the 31st for another unfill. I have 1.6 cc and I still can't get most solid foods down. I have heartburn and reflux all night long. I am not sleeping well, since I sleep sitting up. It's getting old quickly. We leave Sunday for Puerto Rico, and I know I can't go this overfilled. I get tight when I fly anyway. If I flew as tight as I am now, I wouldn't even be able to get water down. I am confused as to why this is happening, but I have to get it right. It's going to take awhile to pack for this trip, because none of my summer clothes fit anymore. I just made them work at the end of the summer, knowing that I would buy new fall things, but I totally forgot about that I would need summer things a few different times this winter. Maybe I can take a few things in... Hmm It took 110 pounds, but now everyone comments to me all the time now about my weight loss. It feels good. I can't tell you how many people say dumb stuff about not loosing any more because I look perfect now. I just tell them we'll see how it goes... :scales: Oct.31, '07 - I went back to see the doctor about an unfill. He told me I had 1.6 in the band, but when he withdrew the fluid, I really had 2.0. I guess he "found" .4 of the "missing" .5cc's he "lost" back on October 9th. He was going to empty the band, but I ask him not to. He took me back to 1.0cc's. I have no restriction at all. I am not going to worry about it for now. We leave in a few days for vacation, and I'm always tight after I fly. I don't want to be so tight that I can't even drink water. I'll wait till I get back and then I'll deal with it. My guess is that I need 1.5 . The fill was very painful. It took countless times before he was able to access the port. Finally, he threw away the needle, and got a new one. The new needle went in the very first time, so the needle he was using was bent and defective. OUCH!!!! :cursing: November 13, '07- (184) Wow! I really gained on vacation. We had an awesome time, and the food was great, but now it's time to pay the piper. My dive suit fit great, and I am down to using 16 pounds of weight. Before surgery, I was using 21 lbs. of weight, I've been able to eliminate 5 whole pounds from my BCD. Awesome!!!! I went to see Dr. Averbach today, and he filled me to 1.5 . We'll see how it goes. I know when I went in for my unfill in October that I was was dehydrated. I knew I would gain a couple of pounds right away because I hadn't eaten. I figured my set weight was somewhere around 180 when we left for vacation, so that means I gained 4 pounds in Puerto Rico. See, this is life without any restriction. Once again it proves that I can't live without my band. The old cravings and obsessions come flooding back almost instantly when I am not filled. I am so glad to have this new fill. Now, I'll get back on track. :wink: Tues. November 20 - (181) Well, I lost three pounds fairly effortlessly. I'm getting back to where I was before vacation. Thanksgiving is this Thursday. I will be happy if I can just maintain the weight I am at now. :confused_smile: Monday Nov.26, '07- (178) Well, I made it back to where I was, and I got through Thanksgiving. Now I just need to maintain. I thought it would be easy since Thanksgiving is over, but noooooo, hubby decided since we had dinner at his mom's house that he wanted US to have a big Thanksgiving dinner. I cooked all day, and now the fridge is full of LEFTOVERS. It's hard to have all the "favorites" right there, staring at me each time I open the fridge door. On a positive note, my restriction is MUCH better. I'm at a good place right now, and that helps me to not overeat. Even if I eat more than I should, that translates to a couple extra tablespoons, and not plate after heaping plate of food. I had small "tastes" of everything. I will be so happy to get through the holiday "food fests" though. :biggrin1: Since late summer, I have had a new "issue". I am ALWAYS cold. Not just chilly, I mean COLD. At first it was funny, and hubby joked, but now that the cold weather is here, I am cold all the time. Hubby says that I just don't have the body fat anymore, but I wonder if something more is going on. Hmmmm...:smokin: December 1,'07- (177) (Down one pound) Hubby told me that I could have some new clothes for Christmas. I needed a winter coat since mine was a 3x. It was HUGE on me. I also needed some shoes. I have gone from a size 10 to a size 9. I had been stuffing the toes of my shoes with tissue so that they wouldn't come off when I walked. It feels good to have shoes that fit, and my new coat is nice and warm, and stylish too. I love the pair of Coldwater Creek jeans I got in mid October. Hubby likes them too, and he told me to go get a couple more. I also found a nice Christmas outfit. I tried on a pretty jacket and the "large" was too big. The nice saleslady said she would bring me back a "medium" to try. While I was waiting, I tried on the jeans. The size 12 fit great. I stood there looking into the mirror in disbelief. I've always said I would be happy if I could get down to a size 14, and I would be deliriously happy if I could ever be a 12. Well, here I stood wearing the size 12. I may not have attained my doctor's goal yet, but I sure made my personal goal. I started to fill up, right there in the dressing room. Then the saleslady came back and called my name. As she walked toward the dressing room she said very loudly "I have your size MEDIUM" and opened the door to hand it in to me. My head began to swirl. My size MEDIUM? MY size medium? Oh my gosh, she's really talking to me! I wear a SIZE MEDIUM. I just burst into tears right then and there. The saleslady's eyes got wide, and she said "Are you alright, honey?" All I could get out was "I wear a size 12". She thought I was upset because I had to buy a size 12 (because I had gained weight or something). She tripped over her words, and said something about how nice they fit me and how good they looked on me, and not to be upset. For so many years I have wanted to be a size 12, but it was always just a pipe dream. I never ever dared to dream that this day would come! Just 19 1/2 months ago the saleslady would have said in a loud voice "I have your size 26", and I would have cringed in embarrassment. I quickly explained, and my nice saleslady looked relieved. I guess she thought I was a nut case or something. Every day brings new wonders and experiences. I feel as though I have been born again into a new body and a new life. Dec. 17th, 2007- I have been yo-yoing between 177-178. I think I might need a very, very small fill. I also need to stop eating the sweets and Christmas goodies. Hmmm, easier said than done. I haven't been too bad, but I need to get off this plateau :bored: Dec 23rd, 2007- This is from something I posted here on the boards. I wanted to include it in my diary. It was from a thread called "Keeping It (your band) A Secret" I was banded 20 months ago (size 26), and chose to tell very few people. After the first 50 pounds, everyone began to ask what diet I was using. My standard answer was "The My Daughter's Getting Married And I'm In The Pictures Diet." Everyone would chuckle, and empathize regardless of their size. It was a great way to deflect uncomfortable questions and turn their attention elsewhere. Well, the wedding was this past April. By then I was down 74 pounds (size 18). I was not yet at goal (I'm still not), but I was well on my way. In the past few weeks I have seen a number of people at Christmas parties that I had not seen since the wedding. I am now a size 12, and down 110 pounds. While I admit I HAVE received many nice complements, you would not believe the things others have said to me. I heard "Don't you dare lose any more weight, you're perfect right now." Huh? Isn't that for me and my doctor to decide? Two different people said "I thought you'd start to gain again after the wedding, but gee, you lost more". Wow, I think there's a compliment in there somewhere. One women watched me like a hawk at dinner last night to see what and how much I was eating. She even called to me from across the long banquet table to ask me what I was ordering for dinner. It was so uncomfortable. As I left the party, two said something along the lines of "you look great, now don't start gaining it back again!". Hmmm, don't lose weight. Don't gain weight. Everyone's got unsolicited advise and opinions for me whether I told them about my surgery or not. I don't think their comments were meant to be mean spirited. The fact is, some people just say what others may be thinking, but are afraid to say. I know now that some people who were supportive of my weight loss still expect that I will gain the weight back. My point is, deciding who to tell, and what to say or not say about your surgery is one of the decisions you have to make early on. But the truth is, in the end it doesn't really matter whether they know or not. Because of the dramatic changes in your weight, they WILL comment to you and about you, offering you their unsolicited advise and opinions. I guess shortgal's comments are right "We have been judged our whole life and then we do this and we will still be judged.... for not losing fast enough, or losing too much, or eating too much, or not eating enough!". Sadly, sometimes this happens whether you have chosen to share your WLS journey with others or not. January 10, 2008- (281) Well, as always, I am paying for my abandon at vacation. I gained weight. I just don't do well when I am away. I do so much better when I can jump on a scale everyday. I think I just have to physically SEE the numbers on the scale. I've had pretty loose restriction and I need a small fill. I called for an appointment, but the office was closed. I'll call again tomorrow. I am chairperson for the fashion show fundraiser at my son's school. At the meeting Tuesday night we were discussing retailers that are loaning us clothes for the show. I ask why Lexington Lady hadn't been included in the list of stores (the large woman's store). The head of fashions committee ( a small lady) said that Vassares told her that they could accommodate all sizes, so we really didn't need a plus size store on our list. I know for a fact that some of our mom models are plus size, so I told her "no, Vassares only carries smaller sizes" and that I knew this because I had to special order my gown for my daughter's wedding last spring (they had NO plus sizes). I wasn't even thinking when I said it. It just kind-of tumbled out. One lady spoke up and said that if Vassares didn't have a gown that fit me, then they wouldn't have a gown that would fit anyone there at the meeting. Oh my gosh! What did I just say? I opened my big mouth. These women don't know me. They don't know my story, and they sure don't know that I was a size 18 last spring, let alone a size 26 only 20 months ago. All they see now is the size 12 lady standing there in front of them. I blushed (I could feel the color burn in my cheeks). I stammered and stumbled over my words. I just wanted to disappear. I remember choking out something about losing alot of weight. I ask the chairperson to please get clarification as to EXACTLY what size Vassares went up to, then I sat down quickly. The room was quiet and all eyes were on me. It was an awful, awkward moment. Why do I ALWAYS forget I am thinner now? I still feel anxious waiting in line for a public bathroom. :confused2: I ALWAYS forget that I fit in the stall now. I was uncomfortable on the airplane because I didn't want to use the restroom. I was afraid the stall was too small. I know what my eyes see in the mirror, but my head just hasn't caught up with my body. It's the strangest thing. I STILL think I'm a big woman. Yet every day I see and experience new wonders. We were in Disney World with 8 teenagers last week. I kept pace with them! I can walk faster than my husband now. For the first time EVER, I had to wait for HIM to catch up with ME! I went shopping in the Disney store and I bought a Minnie sweatshirt. Disney clothes for women only go up to a 2x. The men's clothes are a size bigger. I wanted a Minnie shirt when we were there two years ago, but only the men's plus clothes fit me, so I only had a handful of choices to select from, and there was certainly nothing feminine in the men's clothing line. Well, now I am the proud owner of a PINK MINNIE zip-up sweatshirt. It's a little thing, I know, but it just makes me sooo happy. Yup, it's the little things in life that bring me such joy these days. I walked the dog this morning, and he started to run uphill to get back to the house (he was cold). I started running too, and I ran all the way up the hill. Oh my gosh, last year I could barely WALK up that hill without puffing and blowing. The same thing happens when I run up the steps in my house. No more stopping at the top step to get my breath. It's really not that I am in good shape now, (nothing could be farther from the truth) but my heart doesn't feel like it's about to beat out of my chest anymore, so I think it's not as stressed as it was, and it certainly doesn't have to work as hard as it use to. Yup, it's all the little things. :Banane57: I am sooo blessed! January 15th, 2008 (281) Well, I gained weight over the holidays and vacation. No great surprise there. I am not going to beat myself up. I'm just going to move on and start fresh. I got my fill today. I was filled to 1.5cc. Now I am filled to 2.0. The doctor had no problem with filling me the half cc. In fact, he said that 2cc. is the beginning fill that he does for this size band. I guess that means that 21 months out, I just now have the "average" beginning fill. That's pretty cool because it gives me lots of room for more fills, should I need them. I do have more restriction now. I will give it a month and see how I do. My restriction always depends on the "time of the month". I've had a partial hysterectomy, so I'm never sure what point of my cycle I'm at. I'm ready to get serious again and get the rest of the weight off. I can accept it if I don't lose any more. I've met my personal goals, but I really would like to try to get to my goal weight. I tried on a sweater from Target today and the size large was too small for me. I guess I needed a xl in that sweater. My thinking is that I must have gotten it from the junior department. I think the junior department is a full size smaller than the regular ladies department. I would like to be able to buy things from ANY department. I'm going to give it my best shot. Dr Averbach is thrilled with my weight loss. He said I was the "highest percentage of weight lost" patient he's had. I was very surprised. I read about people every day on the boards who have made it to goal and beyond. I know this is "do-able".:cheated: January 17th, 2008 (280) I wanted to write about my relationship with my husband. I've had a great marriage for 28 years to an awesome man. We were both thin when we married, and both became obese. My husband has always told me he finds me sexy, no matter what I weigh. I am very thankful for that. Initially, he was very nervous about the safety of the procedure and needed some heavy duty convincing. He has been very supportive of me since day one. I see a new excitement in him since the weight has come off. Though we haven't talked about it, I am sure he finds me more attractive. He has taken me out shopping several times, and LOVES it when I am dressed up and on his arm. He loves it when his guy buddies make comments about his "hot woman". He tells me all the time how beautiful I am. I have joked to my girlfriends that I have become my own "second wife" or mistress, because that is exactly the way he treats me now. It's so wonderful to have a man who loves me so much. :wub: Then there is the other side of the coin... I have seen some insecurity in him since I have lost the weight. Twice we have been out and other men have flirted with me. He is very aware that this happens now. I had a long talk with him last week, and he said he is insecure that I will no longer find him attractive because he has not lost HIS extra weight. I told him again that I would do anything he wanted to help and support him with his weight loss, but that I love him no matter what he weighs. I even talked to him about the lap band, but to date he has not been very receptive. He acknowledged that I do always tell him how sexy I find him, and that he sees how much I desire him. He tells me it's not my actions with him or other men that cause the insecurity. It's all in his mind. I have been trying harder to make him feel that he is the most wonderful, sexy man in the world (and he IS!). I am hoping this passes with time. I am careful to NEVER let my eye stray when we are out in public. I am trying harder to dote and fawn on him, and make him feel special. Beyond this, there's not much I can do. Why did I blog about this? I guess I've been thinking that if these issues come up in marriages that are not stressed, then what must happen with marriages that ARE under stress? I thought so hard about how the Lap Band surgery would affect me, but I never thought about it would change relationships and affect the whole family. My children will never be teased again about their "fat" mother. My husband has his "new" wife, and new insecurities. My sister-in-law has been acting jealous lately. My aunt has been critical, and thinks I should have tried the South Beach diet. Yup, Lap Band changes family dynamics! :tt1: 1/17/08 Since there is so much confusion about the different kinds of bands, I did some research. Here's what I found out... The brand name of Lap Bands use in the United States use to be called BioEnterics bands. The company sold out and now they are known as Inamed and/or Allergan brand bands. The size of your band (it's length) is measured in centimeters (cm) The fill capacity of your band is measured in milliliters (ml or the more commonly used abbreviation cc). The manufacturer's recommended fill capacity is NOT always followed by all doctors! There are 5 sizes of Inamed and /or Allergan bands. Three are the "older style" and two are the newer style bands. Each has a different length and fill capacity. The Older Style (Allergan has no current plans to discontinue these bands) length / capacity 1. 9.75cm/4cc 2. 10cm/4cc 3. 14cm/10cc (can be pushed to 11 cc) (this is called the Vanguard or VG band) Newer Style (next generation) Bands: (I am unsure of the length on these) 4. APS (small) holds 10cc 5. APL (large) holds 14cc The newer style bands are considered less likely to cause blockage, obstruction, erosion or slippage than other AGP types. The bands are curved, and are made of a new softer silicone material. Like the VG (Vanguard) band, the new bands are "Omniform" technology - i.e. the balloon has ribs or baffles , and is pleated to grip the stomach better. The new AP bands have more of a 360 (concentric, rounded) inflation around the stomach as opposed to the older 9.75cm and 10cm(4cc) bands, which have more like 260 or 280 degrees inflation (the rest being the buckle), and the VG band which has more like 280 or 300. It is understood that this was simply an upgrade to the existing band to make it easier and less traumatic to remove. The balloon on the new band goes all the way around the inner surface of the band, rather than missing a piece at the locking mechanism. The locking mechanism is isolated from the stomach. The balloon is wider on the new band. A side view shows the balloon protruding top & bottom rather than sitting flush. The new bands have an easier release mechanism to remove the band if need be.

The Journey My Initial Stats: Initial BMI 42.5 Ideal BMI 23 Initial Weight 288.4 Ideal Weight 156 Total amount of wt. I have to lose- 132 Height in inches 68 (5'8") Where I Am Today Current weight 178 Current BMI 27.1 total pounds I have lost - 110 total pounds I still need to lose - 22 percentage of wt. lost - 83.3% (total wt. lost divided by the total amount I have to lose- 132 pounds) The Motivation: Christmas 2005 My daughter is getting married! She wants a big wedding. I'm so excited for her, but all I keep thinking about are the wedding pictures forever sitting on the mantle, with my fat arms and chubby chipmunk cheeks staring back at me. How will find a "special" dress that will fit right? Gowns in the bridal salon only go up to a size 24, and I am now a solid size 26. Oh the pain, and the panic! They've set the date for April 14th, 2007, so I have 15 1/2 months! Mid January 06 - I read about Lap Band and begin to research. I can see from the start that I will have to be self pay because of small business group exclusion on my policy. Early February 06 - I call St. Agnes and get the low down on attending their information night. Dr. Averbach is the speaker, as is his nurse, Cathy Carr. I go home after the meeting and talk to hubby, and he is willing to lay out the money from savings, though he is very, very concerned about the band's safety. He makes me get an appointment with our family doctor/ friend and discuss this with him. I bring info and get the doctor's ok. In 28 years of marriage I have never ask my husband for anything of this magnitude. It's so much money! In moments when the low self esteem kicks in, that small voice inside tries to tell me that I am not worth it. But I'm fighting back, and yes, yes, YES I AM worth it. I want this band so bad! I understand clearly that this journey will take three years. I will not be "skinny" by the wedding, but I should be well on my way. I'm ok with that. This wedding is the push that I've needed. Late February 06 - the whirlwind has started. I need a psychological evaluation, a meeting with Cathy Carr, an evaluation with the nutritionist, a complete physical and blood work, and a meeting with the doctor. When all is said and done, I am scheduled for surgery four days after Easter- April 20th, 2006. The wedding is April 14th, 2007, so I have exactly ONE year. THE JOURNEY Here We Go....... My 'OFFICIAL" pre-op starting wt. is 288+ but I am sure I gained a few pounds (at least a couple) between my initial weigh-in and the actual surgery date! :svengo: 4/20/06- surgery date - The journey begins! 2 wks. of liquid diet (15 pds. total for April) The surgery was worse than I thought it would be. I expected to be down for a day or two. I still feel rough after a week. Getting into a sitting up or lying down positions are the worst because it uses the tummy muscles. I have awful shoulder pain. Actually, it hurts worse than any of the incisions. Nothing really seems to help ease the pain. This is not fun! I am choosing to believe that each and every day will be getting better, and I am looking forward to tomorrow. :shocked: April total - 15lbs. 5/2/06 (12 days post op) 273 lbs.- begin mushies total wt loss- 15 lbs. :thumbsup: Mushies aren't so bad, though I have read that others have struggled with this phase. I am not really that hungry. I can eat about a cup of food, but they ARE mushies. I do miss being able to "crunch" foods. The incisions itch like crazy. I know this is part of the healing, but I wonder if I am allergic to the tape, the steri strips, or something else? It does seem to be worse when I am hot. It almost drives me crazy, but I am afraid I'll rip my incision open if I keep scratching. Even with the itching, I am sure I have done the right thing. I love my band!:Banane28: 5/16/06 (4 wk check-up) - wt loss 4 1/2 lbs. (268 1/2 lbs.)- start regular diet The first solid food was tuna salad. I was immediately stuck. Oh the pain! It lasted about 20 minutes, before I finally got "unstuck". Think smaller bites, Kim! I am also having an awful time with Ketosis. My breath is beyond foul. I brush, I floss, I brush my tongue, I eat breath mints, I gargle, but NOTHING HELPS. To make matters worse, I smell bad. I smell like I need a good shower. Even after I take a shower, I feel like I still smell bad. I scrub, I buff, I use deodorant soap, and I STILL smell bad. The smell is stuck on my skin. My face feels like someone smeared cooking oil on it. In fact, my whole body feels oily, and I have always had DRY SKIN. My hair is greasy. I'm a mess! I know that this too will pass, but right now it's pretty gross. I am trying to drink more water, and eat more proteins. total loss- 19 1/2 lbs. :bathbaby: I need to focus on good things. I am so proud of myself. One half pound shy of 20 pounds that are GONE FOREVER. 5/30/06 (6 wk check-up) - wt loss 4 1/2 lbs. (264 lbs.) Dr. says not to return until 2 wks without wt loss. He will schedule fill at that time. Bring food diary when I come for first fill. My port is still sore. It's not painful (unless I lift something heavy), but it often hurts. total loss- 23 1/2 lbs. (9 pounds total for May) 6/13/06 (8 wks post-op) - still no fill - down 4 lbs. to 260 total loss- 28 lbs. :biggrin: I am learning what I can and what I can not eat. I can eat steak(which is a surprise). I can not eat chicken. I can not eat soft bread. I can not eat fresh green beans. I love and miss the chicken and bread. This is really a bummer. But I need to stay focused on what I can eat. No turning back now. :hurray: 6/20/06 (9 weeks post-op) lost 2lbs. Current wt. 258 total loss - 30 lbs. :thumbsup: (6 pds. total for June) My port is right at the waistband of my pants. I have made the correlation between port pain and semi-tight elastic. I can feel it if it rubs. My pants don't even have to be tight. It has everything to do with where the waistband hits. Twice now the pain went away as soon as I took off my pants. :idea: June total lost- 6 lbs. 7/3/06 (11 weeks) down 2 pounds to 256. (only 2 pounds in the last 2 weeks) Total loss 32 pounds! - I've been struggling! I have NO restriction, so I knew it was time for my first fill! Yuck! It hurts! I found out I have an "Inamed" brand band, 10cm size (average). The first fill is usually 2 cc's - which is what I got! I'm back on track and so far, so good! I can feel restriction and I am eating less. Dr says next fill is going to be under xray so that he can check up on things and look at the band. He is very very pleased with my progress. He said the first year goal is 30% loss, 20% the second and 20% the third years. I am already at 23% loss after the first 3 months, so I should be able to make the 30% goal very easily! :yesnod: 7/10/06- wk. 12 - wt. 253 (down 3 lbs.) I have more restriction than before, but not enough. Let's see how it goes! I am having some problems with gas. This is a new issue. How embarrassing! Sometimes I'm so loud. I also have constipation. That is a much easier problem to take care of. Occasional gas is a small price to pay for losing 35 pounds. :behindsofa: April 15, 2006 - 288 lbs. July 1, 2006 - 256 lbs. Sept. 28, 2006 - 234 lbs. Jan. 20, 2007 - 224 lbs. April 14, 2007 - 214 lbs. Oct. 18, 2007 - 181 lbs. 7/18/06 - wk. 13 - 252 (1 pound). Well, hubby now says he can notice the weight loss. I catch him looking at me. I think he likes what he's seeing! He's now working out harder than before. I have virtually no restriction to speak of. Wt is coming off at about a pound a week. I guess that's ok. Could be better though. So slooowww. Lord, I need patience! :cryin: 7/25/06 - wk. 14 - 251 (1 pound) Not too bad considering we ate out alot this week. I have more restriction now, and I'm not real sure why. I guess I'm just glad I do have some! Thirty seven pounds gone forever! My clothes are getting loose now, and I can see the weight loss in my face. It's a bummer though that no one has noticed or said anything about the fact that I'm losing weight. Well, that's not totally true. The mail lady saw me and said something. God bless her! She'll never know how much I needed that little boost. (7 pounds total for July) :clap: 8/1/06- 2nd fill- lots of restriction! I did a dumb thing. I got a fill, then left the next day for vacation in Mexico. I could have really been in trouble if I would have needed an unfill. Not real smart, Kim! I think my restriction is worse because of flying. I can't eat much at all, a few bites here and there. I'm sad that I can't eat all the delicious vacation food, but I'm also happy that my band is slowing me down from eating all the delicious vacation food, otherwise I'd overeat, just because it's there. I wish I had more self control. I wish food wasn't such an "issue" for me. I am so happy to have my band. I have to focus on SELF DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR :boom: August total lost- 9 lbs. 9/7/06- 241 (10 pounds) 44 days since last weight check that's 10 pounds in 6 weeks. I'm going slow, but at least it's steady! Embarrassing moment- I was at the church picnic and got "stuck". I fought it, and kept swallowing (very bad move). Finally I could stand it no longer, but when I headed for the ladies room, the line was huge. I ran around the back of the building just in time. I pb'ed a HUGE amount of nasty, stringy mucus right there in the grass. I kept praying that no one would walk by and find me retching mucus in the grass. My eyes were watering, and I had strings coming out of both my nose and mouth. Of course, not a tissue in sight. Oh, how awful. Definitely a LOW moment. :puke: 10/26/06 - 230 (11 pounds) 49 days since last weight. Losing at about the same rate. Seven weeks exactly. That's still about 10 pounds per six weeks. That's still slow and steady. I have noticed that my band becomes tight or loose, depending on my monthly cycle. I guess it has to do with fluids and/ or swelling. I sure can tell a difference though just from week to week. :target: 11/13/06- 230 (0 pounds lost) Frustrating! Time for another fill? Not sure what's up! I am struggling with finding things in my wardrobe that will fit. Everything I wear is huge on me. I did break down and bought a couple pairs of winter pants. I know they won't fit by next fall, but I really needed the clothes. I got an inexpensive black blazer, a pair of black pants and a pair of jeans. I can change the look of the blazer with different shirts and scarfs. I noticed that even my black loafers from last year are sloppy on me. So I guess that means I've lost weight in my feet? :confused5: 11/22/06- 228 (2 pounds lost) Finally, the scale moved! I've got to watch the desserts!!!!!!! Oh that darn sweet tooth. That makes only 2 pounds lost in the last 27 days. I've got to do better than this!:lost2lbs: 11/29/06- 227 (1 pound) Still lost weight, and got through Thanksgiving Yeaaa!!!! :biggrin3: September, October and November total loss- 15 lbs. 12/6/06 - 226 (1 pound) Slow, but still losing. Bought boots that fit over my calf and a XL Christmas dress. I can't even remember the last time I owned a pair of boots. I was looking at them, wishing like always that I could buy a pair, and in a moment of abandon I slipped off my shoe and slid on the boot. It went over my calf with ease. I got all filled up right there in the Walmart! I floated on a cloud the rest of the day. I can't wait to get dressed up and surprise hubby! I know he's going to love them! It's all really starting to pay off! One pound a week isn't the best, but I'm happy with it, especially in winter. :rolleyes5: 12/13/06- 225 (1 pound) It's been a hungry week. Too much Christmas junk food in the house and lots of "teenage drama" going on makes me want to run to the pantry. I have to learn to control the emotional eating. That's really been hard for me. It's not something the band can do for me. It's not even because I'm hungry. It's all about self control. I'm feeding myself to comfort myself. Stuffing food to stuff down the emotions. Christmas can be such a stressful time with so many different emotions. I am trying so hard to stay on track! Different businesses keep sending goodies and gift baskets to my husband's company. We've gotten TONS of cookies, candy, nuts, cocoas, cheeses, oh the list goes on and on..... I keep giving it away and more seems to grow in it's place. :mad3: 12/20/06- 224 (1 pound) Lots of Christmas goodies! Oh the temptations. I've started doing a little bit of reading about tummy tucks, breast lifts, arm skin reduction etc. It scares the bejeebees out of me. It looks so painful. I think it's so much more involved than the actual lap band surgery. I'm not sure what I will need, but the arms and tummy are sagging already. It doesn't look awful yet, but I still have such a long way to go. :svengo: December weight loss= 3 lbs. 1/19/07- 224 (same) back on track. I didn't lose over Christmas, and in fact, I really didn't gain. I just stayed the same weight. Time to clean out the pantry and get serious. I have really been noticing portion size. I see for the first time how much food restaurants consider to be a "portion". It wasn't so long ago that I could eat an appetizer, bread, and a cocktail, a salad, an entrée with sides, coffee and dessert. When they bring my plate now I just stare in disbelief at all the food. It's enough to feed me for days! Waiters always ask if something is wrong with the food because I don't eat much of it. I have just learned to ask for a box to take the leftovers home. Sometimes I can eat the leftovers, but sometimes they are just too dry to get down on the second day. :lightbulb: 1/20/07- Yes, the band is working. I am not losing as fast as some people on the boards, but I AM losing. The non-scale victories continue to amaze me each day. * I fit in the regular stall in public restrooms now. * I don't get stuck in chairs that have arms anymore. * I don't need a seat belt extender anymore on airplanes. *I can sit on a folding chair without being afraid it won't hold my weight. * I fit in the bucket seat of my little car. * My Henderson wetsuit ALMOST fits. Just a couple more pounds and it will look great! * I weigh less than the weight listed on my driver's license. I see all these victories, yet I still continue to think like a large person. My mind hasn't caught up with my body. * Until recently, I was still ordering large size portions without thinking. * Sometimes I forget to chew, chew, chew. Then I end up PBing for a half hour. * I still crave sweets. * I still hate to exercise. Though I don't like to admit it, I really hate... * that some of my favorite clothes no longer fit. * that I can't eat what I want. * that I have lost about half of my hair * PBing in a filthy public toilet. * Losing my boobies. * The sagging tummy skin * the scars from my incisions No weight lost in January 2/06/07- (224.9) This is my weight and stats according to Dr. Averbach and his magic scale. According to his records I have lost 63.5 pounds. I have a 10 cm band filled 3.2cc. This is my third fill. I know that each fill is supposed to be half of the size of the last fill. The maximum fill is 4cc. February weight loss 4lbs. 3/2/07 (220) (24 days) Yay! Not much restriction, but at least I'm losing! Thank you, Lord! :thumbup: 3/26/07 (216) (24 days) Four pounds! Yea! I'm working much harder these days. I HAVE to get into my gown for my daughter's wedding. If it doesn't look right, it will be no one's fault but my own. March weight loss- 4 lbs. 4/5/07 (214) (10 days) I lost 2 pounds. Only nine days until the wedding! I tried on my gown, and I can't believe the girl staring back at me in the mirror. Who is she? What a life-changing year this has been. I feel so blessed to have been given this chance.:rose: 4/15/07- (One day after the wedding) How can one three letter word have so much power? I finished dressing yesterday and came out to show my husband my dress. He just stood there frozen, eyes wide, staring at me, and for a few seconds I thought he didn't like my dress. And then, all he said was "wow". But it wasn't just "wow", it was more like "WOW", and in that moment his eyes said it all. The pain of the surgery, the fills, the pb'ing, in that moment it all became sooo worth it! It was one of those "heart moments" I'll always treasure, and NEVER forget. In the light of his eyes, I could see that he was so very proud of me! And you know what else? I AM SO VERY PROUD OF ME TOO! Underneath the ugly, fat duckling, just maybe there IS a beautiful swan fighting to get out. And the wedding...well, it was perfect! My sweet baby girl looked like a princess. She is SO happy, and so in love. Oh yeah, and the wedding pictures that will be on my mantle WILL BE GREAT! How far I have come in just ONE year! :heart: April weight loss- 2 lbs. May weight loss- 1 lb. gained :eek: 6/19/07 (215.3) (6 wks) I've yo-yo'ed between 213-216 for the past 6 weeks. I have no restriction. I went and saw Dr. Averbach today for my 4th fill. Both he and Cathy Carr continue to say I'm doing great, though the last few months have been so slow. He added 1/2 cc. That means I have 3.7 cc in my band. Wow! Do I have restriction now! I think I'm too tight, but I want to work with it for awhile and see how it goes. After more than 1 year I can finally say I have restriction. I now understand some of the things they were saying, like don't drink for 1/2 hour before eating. I've never had to worry about this before. I could always drink. Well, there is no doubt that I'll be losing weight again real soon! I am going to the store for protein shakes today. I can comfortably eat about 2 tablespoons of food. I really need to watch my fluid intake. I don't want to dehydrate. I know I can get into trouble real fast here if I'm not careful. I also put a styrofoam cup and extra napkins in my car in case I have to pb while I am out somewhere :driving: 6/25/07 (209) What a bummer day. I had been out all morning, it was HOT outside and I was waiting at the car wash. It was 1pm and I was so hungry. I hadn't eaten all day. I was so tight early this morning. They sell ice cream kiddie cups at the car wash. I KNOW I shouldn't have bought and ate one, but well, I just caved and sat there minding my own business, eating my kiddie cup. A lady came in and sat beside me. She had a bag of cookies and offered one to the man on her right. They chatted for a minute, then she turned to me and said loudly "I'd offer YOU one, but I see you're already having your treat for the day and I don't want to be an enabler". OUCH! How does one respond to something like that? I was shocked, angry, and embarrassed. Chalk up one more painful comment to add to the list. Why are some people so cruel? I just sat there and thought "lady, you don't have a clue!" It really took the wind out of my sails, because I've been so proud of my appearance lately. Yes, I still have a long way to go, but LOOK HOW FAR I'VE COME. Ewwwww, I get soooo mad, but I won't give up my power to someone who hasn't got a clue about my life. :cuss: 6/27/07 (208)(8 days) Well, 7.3 pounds this week. Yup, I've got restriction. I've spent the last week forcing fluids and pb'ing. Yuck! I have loosened up a little bit, but not enough yet. I have to be careful here. I'm not used to having to chew, chew chew. On Sunday I got a bean stuck and it tortured me all afternoon. I'm relearning more everyday. Is this worth it? Right now, yes, but darn is this hard. :hurt: June weight loss- 7 lbs. 7/2/07 (205) (6 days) 3 pounds since last weight check. Whoever says this is the easy way out doesn't have a clue. I'm learning to work with the restriction, but it's not been easy. I am very limited in what I can eat. Even taking my pills takes most of the morning. The evening loosens the band up quite a bit, but bites have to be smaller than the nail on my baby finger. Anything more gets stuck. It takes forever to eat 1/4 cup. I think about fluid intake all the time. I watch my urine for signs that I'm not drinking enough (dark yellow vs. clear). I've read about banded people dehydrating and ending up in the hospital. I can't have that happen. I want to hold on and lose this weight. I feel I'm getting closer everyday. No turning back now. I have to keep focused on positive things. Hmmm, here's a positive... hubby says I am getting much more "flexible". HeHeHe :blush2: 7/11/07 (203) (9 days since last entry) 2 pounds since last weight check. I am so glad I stuck it out and didn't get an unfill. The restriction has loosened up quite a bit. While it's true that I'm still very tight, I can eat much better now. I am back in ketosis again. I hate ketosis. My skin and hair are oily and my breath is awful! I am hoping it gets better now that I can eat and drink more. I have a new non-scale victory. My size 18 pants are starting to get loose on me. It's almost time to say goodbye to Lane Bryant! :lol2: 7/18/07 - (201) Leaving for vacation tomorrow. :thumbup: 7/27/07- (203) Returned from a great diving vacation in Mexico. My new wet suit worked out great, though I do seem to get cold much faster these days. I guess I really don't have the body fat that I used to have. I do need to get a new bcd soon, as my old one is falling off me now. I always use extra weight in Mexico, because the water is very salty there. Still, I am down to using 18 pounds. Pretty darn good! Bummer- I gained two pounds on vacation, but I do love the food there! Opps! :mad3: Total loss for July is 3 pounds. I lost 5, but gained back two. :mad: 8/6/07 (199) Well, vacation was a set-back, but I got back on track, and lost the weight I gained. Today was the big RED LETTER DAY I've waited so long for. Today I hit 199 pounds. I am finally in "Onederland". I haven't been at this weight for so many years! It feels GREAT! :clap2: 8/9/07 (198) I'm doing alot of swimming. It really makes a difference, and it certainly is an exercise I enjoy. Yesterday I ate one of Josh's french fries from McDonald's and immediately became stuck. I am still sore and I hurt today. No solids for another day or so! :sad: 8/27/07 (196)(Monday) Last Wednesday I threw up after dinner. I guess I became irritated, and threw up again on Thursday at the party. Then on Friday night I threw up the tomato soup I had for dinner. Saturday and Sunday I couldn't keep down any fluids and by today (Monday) I was seriously dehydrated. I went into St. Agnes. Dr Averbach met me there. I had three bags of i.v. fluids, and he removed the fluids from my band. I am wide open with no restriction now. I have to be this way for 2 weeks while my tummy heals. I have been worried this would happen. I thank God that the band didn't slip or erode. I was so worried that I had done something to it. I feel awful. I really think I might have something gastric going on. :puke: September 11, 2007- (lbs.) Well, I've gained a few pounds. No surprise! I've had no restriction since the band has been wide open. The worst part is that all the old cravings and obsessions have returned. I think about food alot, and crave certain things relentlessly. I saw Dr. Averbach today, and he agreed to a re-fill. He only filled me to 2.5. I use to be 3.7 with a maximum of 4.0, so I have lots of room for more fills. I am really tight. This surprises me, but I guess it's a good thing. It feels good to get back on track. It feels good to be back in control of "me" again. :rolleyes2: Sept. 24, '07- (194 lbs) I lost the weight I gained while I was unfilled, plus 2 extra pounds, so I am definitely back on track. My next big goal is to be down 100 pounds. I only have 6 pounds to lose to make this goal. I know I can do it! :biggrin2: Sept 26, '07- (192 lbs.) I'm down two more pounds! Now I only have four pounds to go! Wow! I am so excited! :Dancing_biggrin: October 2, '07 (187lbs.) Well, I did it! I'm down 100 pounds. I keep looking at the scale in disbelief. I have waited so long for this day. So much has changed for me in the last 18 months. No more staring. No more mean and hurtful comments. No more fears about chairs that might break or places that I might not fit. I am in-between sizes. I think I am somewhere between a 14 and a 16. I really want to be a 12, so I still have a long way to go, but look how far I've come! I love my band! :party: Oct.3,'07- Last night I went to my son's school for a function. I saw several moms there that I haven't seen since winter/spring. For the 3rd time now, someone didn't recognize me. I am getting comments all the time now, and I have to admit, it feels great! I get the feeling that everyone thought I would start to gain again after the wedding. I do feel self-conscious when I eat in front of others. I always feel like others are watching me. I'm not sure what they are thinking, but I just know I'm being watched. :rolleyes5: Oct. 9, '07- (184) I've been losing weight too fast. I have reflux at night, and I am having trouble with solid foods. I needed an unfill. I went to see Dr. Averbach today. I had been filled to 2.5 cc's. When he removed the fluid, there was just 2.0 cc's in the band, so he took me down to 1.6 cc's. I got relief almost instantly, and the nausea went away. I need a few days to make sure this is the correct fill. if not, I'll go back for another adjustment. Now I need to eat and drink and build up my body again. I have been so tired, and I haven't felt like doing much of anything. Yesterday I had to return something at the store before the 30 days was up. I looked around while I was there, since I have NO pants that fit. I tried on 3 pairs. I am a perfect size 14 pants. Wow!!!!!! I have said all along that I would be thrilled if I could ever get into a 14. That has always been a goal. Well, I made the goal in 1 1/2 years. I stood in the dressing room and just stared in disbelief. I just savored the moment. It's been so many years since I've been at this weight. Life is great!!!! :hurray: 10/15/07- (pounds) Well, I didn't lose anything this week, but I've been trying hard to rebuild my body. I really needed food and fluids. I have been tired with NO energy. It's an effort to do anything. I was also in Ketosis again. I HATE the oily skin and stinky breath. I've been pushing the proteins and I should be ok any day now. I spent the weekend cleaning out my closet. I had ONE winter shirt that fit! I had no casual clothes. Even my shoes are huge. I am walking out of my loafers. It's also time for new unders. Everything is BAGGY. On Saturday hubby took me to Coldwater Creek to get me some new things. I have seen their catalog, but I've never been in the store before. Oh my gosh, the clothes are beautiful! I found out I am a size 14 pants, and a 12-14 top and jacket. As I tried on things I felt so stylish. The salesgirls are so nice in there. They kept asking what size I needed, what pieces I needed for my wardrobe. I'm thinking umm, I need everything, and I don't have a clue what size I am. I just stood in front of the mirror with tears in my eyes. Finally I had to confess to the saleslady about my journey. I don't know what the latest fashion is, or my size, and I've never been in a store like this, let alone know what "cut" of pants I need. I was so happy that they were such kind and understanding women. I really got some pretty things. I was wiped out that night. Hubby has no clue just how overwhelming the day was. Oh yeah, and on Sunday I looked awesome for church. :success1: Oct. 29,'07- 178 (lost 110 pounds) Well, I am still too tight. I go Wednesday the 31st for another unfill. I have 1.6 cc and I still can't get most solid foods down. I have heartburn and reflux all night long. I am not sleeping well, since I sleep sitting up. It's getting old quickly. We leave Sunday for Puerto Rico, and I know I can't go this overfilled. I get tight when I fly anyway. If I flew as tight as I am now, I wouldn't even be able to get water down. I am confused as to why this is happening, but I have to get it right. It's going to take awhile to pack for this trip, because none of my summer clothes fit anymore. I just made them work at the end of the summer, knowing that I would buy new fall things, but I totally forgot about that I would need summer things a few different times this winter. Maybe I can take a few things in... Hmm It took 110 pounds, but now everyone comments to me all the time now about my weight loss. It feels good. I can't tell you how many people say dumb stuff about not loosing any more because I look perfect now. I just tell them we'll see how it goes... :scales: Oct.31, '07 - I went back to see the doctor about an unfill. He told me I had 1.6 in the band, but when he withdrew the fluid, I really had 2.0. I guess he "found" .4 of the "missing" .5cc's he "lost" back on October 9th. He was going to empty the band, but I ask him not to. He took me back to 1.0cc's. I have no restriction at all. I am not going to worry about it for now. We leave in a few days for vacation, and I'm always tight after I fly. I don't want to be so tight that I can't even drink water. I'll wait till I get back and then I'll deal with it. My guess is that I need 1.5 . The fill was very painful. It took countless times before he was able to access the port. Finally, he threw away the needle, and got a new one. The new needle went in the very first time, so the needle he was using was bent and defective. OUCH!!!! :cursing: November 13, '07- (184) Wow! I really gained on vacation. We had an awesome time, and the food was great, but now it's time to pay the piper. My dive suit fit great, and I am down to using 16 pounds of weight. Before surgery, I was using 21 lbs. of weight, I've been able to eliminate 5 whole pounds from my BCD. Awesome!!!! I went to see Dr. Averbach today, and he filled me to 1.5 . We'll see how it goes. I know when I went in for my unfill in October that I was was dehydrated. I knew I would gain a couple of pounds right away because I hadn't eaten. I figured my set weight was somewhere around 180 when we left for vacation, so that means I gained 4 pounds in Puerto Rico. See, this is life without any restriction. Once again it proves that I can't live without my band. The old cravings and obsessions come flooding back almost instantly when I am not filled. I am so glad to have this new fill. Now, I'll get back on track. :wink: Tues. November 20 - (181) Well, I lost three pounds fairly effortlessly. I'm getting back to where I was before vacation. Thanksgiving is this Thursday. I will be happy if I can just maintain the weight I am at now. :confused_smile: Monday Nov.26, '07- (178) Well, I made it back to where I was, and I got through Thanksgiving. Now I just need to maintain. I thought it would be easy since Thanksgiving is over, but noooooo, hubby decided since we had dinner at his mom's house that he wanted US to have a big Thanksgiving dinner. I cooked all day, and now the fridge is full of LEFTOVERS. It's hard to have all the "favorites" right there, staring at me each time I open the fridge door. On a positive note, my restriction is MUCH better. I'm at a good place right now, and that helps me to not overeat. Even if I eat more than I should, that translates to a couple extra tablespoons, and not plate after heaping plate of food. I had small "tastes" of everything. I will be so happy to get through the holiday "food fests" though. :biggrin1: Since late summer, I have had a new "issue". I am ALWAYS cold. Not just chilly, I mean COLD. At first it was funny, and hubby joked, but now that the cold weather is here, I am cold all the time. Hubby says that I just don't have the body fat anymore, but I wonder if something more is going on. Hmmmm...:smokin: December 1,'07- (177) (Down one pound) Hubby told me that I could have some new clothes for Christmas. I needed a winter coat since mine was a 3x. It was HUGE on me. I also needed some shoes. I have gone from a size 10 to a size 9. I had been stuffing the toes of my shoes with tissue so that they wouldn't come off when I walked. It feels good to have shoes that fit, and my new coat is nice and warm, and stylish too. I love the pair of Coldwater Creek jeans I got in mid October. Hubby likes them too, and he told me to go get a couple more. I also found a nice Christmas outfit. I tried on a pretty jacket and the "large" was too big. The nice saleslady said she would bring me back a "medium" to try. While I was waiting, I tried on the jeans. The size 12 fit great. I stood there looking into the mirror in disbelief. I've always said I would be happy if I could get down to a size 14, and I would be deliriously happy if I could ever be a 12. Well, here I stood wearing the size 12. I may not have attained my doctor's goal yet, but I sure made my personal goal. I started to fill up, right there in the dressing room. Then the saleslady came back and called my name. As she walked toward the dressing room she said very loudly "I have your size MEDIUM" and opened the door to hand it in to me. My head began to swirl. My size MEDIUM? MY size medium? Oh my gosh, she's really talking to me! I wear a SIZE MEDIUM. I just burst into tears right then and there. The saleslady's eyes got wide, and she said "Are you alright, honey?" All I could get out was "I wear a size 12". She thought I was upset because I had to buy a size 12 (because I had gained weight or something). She tripped over her words, and said something about how nice they fit me and how good they looked on me, and not to be upset. For so many years I have wanted to be a size 12, but it was always just a pipe dream. I never ever dared to dream that this day would come! Just 19 1/2 months ago the saleslady would have said in a loud voice "I have your size 26", and I would have cringed in embarrassment. I quickly explained, and my nice saleslady looked relieved. I guess she thought I was a nut case or something. Every day brings new wonders and experiences. I feel as though I have been born again into a new body and a new life. Dec. 17th, 2007- I have been yo-yoing between 177-178. I think I might need a very, very small fill. I also need to stop eating the sweets and Christmas goodies. Hmmm, easier said than done. I haven't been too bad, but I need to get off this plateau :bored: Dec 23rd, 2007- This is from something I posted here on the boards. I wanted to include it in my diary. It was from a thread called "Keeping It (your band) A Secret" I was banded 20 months ago (size 26), and chose to tell very few people. After the first 50 pounds, everyone began to ask what diet I was using. My standard answer was "The My Daughter's Getting Married And I'm In The Pictures Diet." Everyone would chuckle, and empathize regardless of their size. It was a great way to deflect uncomfortable questions and turn their attention elsewhere. Well, the wedding was this past April. By then I was down 74 pounds (size 18). I was not yet at goal (I'm still not), but I was well on my way. In the past few weeks I have seen a number of people at Christmas parties that I had not seen since the wedding. I am now a size 12, and down 110 pounds. While I admit I HAVE received many nice complements, you would not believe the things others have said to me. I heard "Don't you dare lose any more weight, you're perfect right now." Huh? Isn't that for me and my doctor to decide? Two different people said "I thought you'd start to gain again after the wedding, but gee, you lost more". Wow, I think there's a compliment in there somewhere. One women watched me like a hawk at dinner last night to see what and how much I was eating. She even called to me from across the long banquet table to ask me what I was ordering for dinner. It was so uncomfortable. As I left the party, two said something along the lines of "you look great, now don't start gaining it back again!". Hmmm, don't lose weight. Don't gain weight. Everyone's got unsolicited advise and opinions for me whether I told them about my surgery or not. I don't think their comments were meant to be mean spirited. The fact is, some people just say what others may be thinking, but are afraid to say. I know now that some people who were supportive of my weight loss still expect that I will gain the weight back. My point is, deciding who to tell, and what to say or not say about your surgery is one of the decisions you have to make early on. But the truth is, in the end it doesn't really matter whether they know or not. Because of the dramatic changes in your weight, they WILL comment to you and about you, offering you their unsolicited advise and opinions. I guess shortgal's comments are right "We have been judged our whole life and then we do this and we will still be judged.... for not losing fast enough, or losing too much, or eating too much, or not eating enough!". Sadly, sometimes this happens whether you have chosen to share your WLS journey with others or not. January 10, 2008- (281) Well, as always, I am paying for my abandon at vacation. I gained weight. I just don't do well when I am away. I do so much better when I can jump on a scale everyday. I think I just have to physically SEE the numbers on the scale. I've had pretty loose restriction and I need a small fill. I called for an appointment, but the office was closed. I'll call again tomorrow. I am chairperson for the fashion show fundraiser at my son's school. At the meeting Tuesday night we were discussing retailers that are loaning us clothes for the show. I ask why Lexington Lady hadn't been included in the list of stores (the large woman's store). The head of fashions committee ( a small lady) said that Vassares told her that they could accommodate all sizes, so we really didn't need a plus size store on our list. I know for a fact that some of our mom models are plus size, so I told her "no, Vassares only carries smaller sizes" and that I knew this because I had to special order my gown for my daughter's wedding last spring (they had NO plus sizes). I wasn't even thinking when I said it. It just kind-of tumbled out. One lady spoke up and said that if Vassares didn't have a gown that fit me, then they wouldn't have a gown that would fit anyone there at the meeting. Oh my gosh! What did I just say? I opened my big mouth. These women don't know me. They don't know my story, and they sure don't know that I was a size 18 last spring, let alone a size 26 only 20 months ago. All they see now is the size 12 lady standing there in front of them. I blushed (I could feel the color burn in my cheeks). I stammered and stumbled over my words. I just wanted to disappear. I remember choking out something about losing alot of weight. I ask the chairperson to please get clarification as to EXACTLY what size Vassares went up to, then I sat down quickly. The room was quiet and all eyes were on me. It was an awful, awkward moment. Why do I ALWAYS forget I am thinner now? I still feel anxious waiting in line for a public bathroom. :confused2: I ALWAYS forget that I fit in the stall now. I was uncomfortable on the airplane because I didn't want to use the restroom. I was afraid the stall was too small. I know what my eyes see in the mirror, but my head just hasn't caught up with my body. It's the strangest thing. I STILL think I'm a big woman. Yet every day I see and experience new wonders. We were in Disney World with 8 teenagers last week. I kept pace with them! I can walk faster than my husband now. For the first time EVER, I had to wait for HIM to catch up with ME! I went shopping in the Disney store and I bought a Minnie sweatshirt. Disney clothes for women only go up to a 2x. The men's clothes are a size bigger. I wanted a Minnie shirt when we were there two years ago, but only the men's plus clothes fit me, so I only had a handful of choices to select from, and there was certainly nothing feminine in the men's clothing line. Well, now I am the proud owner of a PINK MINNIE zip-up sweatshirt. It's a little thing, I know, but it just makes me sooo happy. Yup, it's the little things in life that bring me such joy these days. I walked the dog this morning, and he started to run uphill to get back to the house (he was cold). I started running too, and I ran all the way up the hill. Oh my gosh, last year I could barely WALK up that hill without puffing and blowing. The same thing happens when I run up the steps in my house. No more stopping at the top step to get my breath. It's really not that I am in good shape now, (nothing could be farther from the truth) but my heart doesn't feel like it's about to beat out of my chest anymore, so I think it's not as stressed as it was, and it certainly doesn't have to work as hard as it use to. Yup, it's all the little things. :Banane57: I am sooo blessed! January 15th, 2008 (281) Well, I gained weight over the holidays and vacation. No great surprise there. I am not going to beat myself up. I'm just going to move on and start fresh. I got my fill today. I was filled to 1.5cc. Now I am filled to 2.0. The doctor had no problem with filling me the half cc. In fact, he said that 2cc. is the beginning fill that he does for this size band. I guess that means that 21 months out, I just now have the "average" beginning fill. That's pretty cool because it gives me lots of room for more fills, should I need them. I do have more restriction now. I will give it a month and see how I do. My restriction always depends on the "time of the month". I've had a partial hysterectomy, so I'm never sure what point of my cycle I'm at. I'm ready to get serious again and get the rest of the weight off. I can accept it if I don't lose any more. I've met my personal goals, but I really would like to try to get to my goal weight. I tried on a sweater from Target today and the size large was too small for me. I guess I needed a xl in that sweater. My thinking is that I must have gotten it from the junior department. I think the junior department is a full size smaller than the regular ladies department. I would like to be able to buy things from ANY department. I'm going to give it my best shot. Dr Averbach is thrilled with my weight loss. He said I was the "highest percentage of weight lost" patient he's had. I was very surprised. I read about people every day on the boards who have made it to goal and beyond. I know this is "do-able".:cheated: January 17th, 2008 (280) I wanted to write about my relationship with my husband. I've had a great marriage for 28 years to an awesome man. We were both thin when we married, and both became obese. My husband has always told me he finds me sexy, no matter what I weigh. I am very thankful for that. Initially, he was very nervous about the safety of the procedure and needed some heavy duty convincing. He has been very supportive of me since day one. I see a new excitement in him since the weight has come off. Though we haven't talked about it, I am sure he finds me more attractive. He has taken me out shopping several times, and LOVES it when I am dressed up and on his arm. He loves it when his guy buddies make comments about his "hot woman". He tells me all the time how beautiful I am. I have joked to my girlfriends that I have become my own "second wife" or mistress, because that is exactly the way he treats me now. It's so wonderful to have a man who loves me so much. :wub: Then there is the other side of the coin... I have seen some insecurity in him since I have lost the weight. Twice we have been out and other men have flirted with me. He is very aware that this happens now. I had a long talk with him last week, and he said he is insecure that I will no longer find him attractive because he has not lost HIS extra weight. I told him again that I would do anything he wanted to help and support him with his weight loss, but that I love him no matter what he weighs. I even talked to him about the lap band, but to date he has not been very receptive. He acknowledged that I do always tell him how sexy I find him, and that he sees how much I desire him. He tells me it's not my actions with him or other men that cause the insecurity. It's all in his mind. I have been trying harder to make him feel that he is the most wonderful, sexy man in the world (and he IS!). I am hoping this passes with time. I am careful to NEVER let my eye stray when we are out in public. I am trying harder to dote and fawn on him, and make him feel special. Beyond this, there's not much I can do. Why did I blog about this? I guess I've been thinking that if these issues come up in marriages that are not stressed, then what must happen with marriages that ARE under stress? I thought so hard about how the Lap Band surgery would affect me, but I never thought about it would change relationships and affect the whole family. My children will never be teased again about their "fat" mother. My husband has his "new" wife, and new insecurities. My sister-in-law has been acting jealous lately. My aunt has been critical, and thinks I should have tried the South Beach diet. Yup, Lap Band changes family dynamics! :tt1: 1/17/08 Since there is so much confusion about the different kinds of bands, I did some research. Here's what I found out... The brand name of Lap Bands use in the United States use to be called BioEnterics bands. The company sold out and now they are known as Inamed and/or Allergan brand bands. The size of your band (it's length) is measured in centimeters (cm) The fill capacity of your band is measured in milliliters (ml or the more commonly used abbreviation cc). The manufacturer's recommended fill capacity is NOT always followed by all doctors! There are 5 sizes of Inamed and /or Allergan bands. Three are the "older style" and two are the newer style bands. Each has a different length and fill capacity. The Older Style (Allergan has no current plans to discontinue these bands) length / capacity 1. 9.75cm/4cc 2. 10cm/4cc 3. 14cm/10cc (can be pushed to 11 cc) (this is called the Vanguard or VG band) Newer Style (next generation) Bands: (I am unsure of the length on these) 4. APS (small) holds 10cc 5. APL (large) holds 14cc The newer style bands are considered less likely to cause blockage, obstruction, erosion or slippage than other AGP types. The bands are curved, and are made of a new softer silicone material. Like the VG (Vanguard) band, the new bands are "Omniform" technology - i.e. the balloon has ribs or baffles , and is pleated to grip the stomach better. The new AP bands have more of a 360 (concentric, rounded) inflation around the stomach as opposed to the older 9.75cm and 10cm(4cc) bands, which have more like 260 or 280 degrees inflation (the rest being the buckle), and the VG band which has more like 280 or 300. It is understood that this was simply an upgrade to the existing band to make it easier and less traumatic to remove. The balloon on the new band goes all the way around the inner surface of the band, rather than missing a piece at the locking mechanism. The locking mechanism is isolated from the stomach. The balloon is wider on the new band. A side view shows the balloon protruding top & bottom rather than sitting flush. The new bands have an easier release mechanism to remove the band if need be.