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Hey there!! Im not sure if you've read throughout my comments to other people but I have said things to her several times over the past 3 months (I tell everyone I started working out/eating healthy in October) about me cutting out carbs, alcohol, working out like crazy, lifestyle changes, etc... So she can't use the excuse that I never brought it up! I should have clarified more in my original post, but this girl and I are definitely not best friends! We were in high school but we weren't as close in college and then after college, she moved several hours away and every time we would talk, all she would talk about is brag about her job and how much money she made (and not that it matters, but I never said a word even though knowing that I make and have made significantly more than her) because I never want her to feel in competition with me, yet she always has. If my BEST FRIEND lived 30 minutes away, holy crap, we would try to talk our husbands into living together! I would stalk her daily haha! That's what close friends do so I'm glad you've got that with your BFF! I honestly hoped when we both moved fairly close again that we would re-kindle the high school days and become closer, but to me, I find myself pulling away even more. I'm waiting for my old high school friend to show herself, but unfortunately I think she is gone.

It's a non-issue, even though most people start to agonize before their first fill. You'll go in and one of the nurses (I assume you'll go to Spivak's office) will sit you in the chair and lean you back. She'll check to see where the port is sitting, and then she will give your tummy an alcohol wipe and insert a needle. Just a little sting initially, and then it goes into the port (that isn't something you feel). As it is your first fill, they may just put some in and not flouroscope you at the same time....or they might. If they do, they'll have you get up (she may tape the needle down or sometimes I just fest my arm against it for support) and walk across the hall to the flouro room. You'll stand in front of the machine (this is really cool to watch) and she'll give you a little dixie cup of barium (chalky liquid). You will swallow a little and you'll all watch the screen and see how quickly it shoots down the "pipe" and past the band. When you start to get restriction, you will see the barium hesitate slightly before going through the band area. That's what they ultimately want....they want it to stop for a "nano-second" and then go through. Then she'll have you drink water and ask you to gulp it down and see how that feels. You will get pretty good quickly as sensing when stuff goes through, hesitates, gets plugged, etc. Watching the screen, she will take the syringe and adjust in or out the amount of saline or omnipaque in your band until she is comfortable with the reaction as liquids go down. That's it. You're done. Eat mushies for about two days until you get the swing of what works and what doesn't and then off you go.

Why am I fat? Because I have a love/hate relationship with food. I hate to love it and love to hate it. I love all food, healthy food, unhealthy food, bad food, good food, low-fat food, high-fat food. I love it all and deep down I have this fear that if I don't eat it all NOW, it won't be there when I come back and want/need some more. I could eat tiny portions (before being banded) to the point where people wondered why I was eating so little and what was 'wrong' with me, to portions so huge I absolutely ache and feel physically ill from eating so much. If it was possible to just take a pill and never have to eat again, I'd do it. After all, alcoholics aren't forced to have a drink 3x a day to stay alive! Addiction, compulsion, whatever you want to call it, I've got it. I'm hoping the band (and my next <2nd> fill) will help me find my "sweet spot". Every day is a challenge and a struggle which I will have for the rest of my life.

reif78: heck yeah that makes sense. I can't tell you how many times I wished I preferred alcohol or coke instead of food. At least with those things your dysfunction isn't so readily apparent. I'm actually not kidding which tells you a lot about why I'm fat. JSOTO: congratulations! You sound great and like you really have your head on right! It helps people like me read things like that from people like you!

Allwright - we have something in common being "Wright" :confused: I am here too cking on what my options are and what to expect. So many stories here I think we can all relate to - as no one execpt an overweight person understands our obsession with food. I don't think about it so much as others do - I don't wake up in the morning thinking about what I can eat today - Its just when i start its hard to stop. Just like that drink for an alcoholic - but the problem is we have to eat - it's getting portion control and eating the "wright" things. Like last night, had to p/u grandkids - got on the computer and was on till 9:30 - went to the kitchen to find something to eat (i hadn't eaten dinner or anything since lunch) Drank 2 cups of cran-grape jucie (light) - looked in the fridge and nothing look good or even sounded good, but i was hunger - so ended up eating about a cup of left over rice a roni - and went to bed. couldn't sleep was still hungery got up and made a pbj (plus 3 tablespoons of pb while i was making the sandwich) ate that and slept like a baby - My whole family are night time eaters - I don't think our Mom ever weened us from the bottle ;0) This board and others out there are really good places to get the info on being banded. Good luck on your journey - you will find your answers - Janet

I have posted here several times, but I haven't told my story yet. So here I go. My father raised us to eat everything on our plates, no matter what. But I can't say that I blame him. We were poor, and we had to make due with what we had. We also got food stamps, and of course those never lasted all month. So I guess his thinking was we better eat it while we had it. But he always made sure we had enough food to eat. Then my parents divorced when I was 9. My Mom then married a mean man, who had 2 boys of his own that he was raising alone because their mother had died when they were very young. He was a mean abusive alcoholic who didn't want to keep a job. My mom worked as a cashier in a grocery store and did the best she could. But with 7 of us, food was always very limited. I remember eating plain corn flakes with no milk. (To this day, I can't even stand to look at a corn flake box). We also ate a lot of the same things all the time, like beans and potatoes. I remember we ate spaghetti so much that one day, I was so sick of it, I just started throwing up. But it seemed no matter how little money we had, there was always enough money for alcohol. My father was also an alcoholic. I didn't get to see him for about a year after the divorce. I had always been a daddy's girl, and I can still remember how miserable I was that I couldn't see him. But then he got visitation, and I got to see him every weekend. He drank a lot, but he always managed to work and he really was a good father, in spite of the alcohol. (Unlike my step father). Then when I was 10, I was sexually abused by an uncle, my mom's brother (he was also an alcoholic). It happened in the middle of the night during the summer. After all these years, I can still remember how terrified I was. Then when I was about 13, my stepdad suddenly straighened up and worked everyday. Things were pretty good after that, not perfect, but certainly much better. He still drank some, but nothing like before. I was never skinny skinny, but I managed to control my weight in my teens. I wore a size 7 for years. I was active. I exercised everyday and I took step aerobics in school, and I loved it. Even though I thought I was fat back then, I had no idea how good I actually looked. Then I turned 18 and everything changed. I met a guy that was older than me and I fell in love, head over heels in love. The type of love that is not good. Against my mother's better judgement, I moved out and in with him. We hadn't even been together 6 months. But hey, I was 18! I could do whatever I wanted! Who cares what my mother thought?! At home, we had very seldom eaten out. But suddenly I was on my own, and I was going to eat out whenever I wanted, as much as I wanted. So that's just what I did. I remember eating Burger King nearly everyday. We also went to huge buffets all the time. I had never really had a problem controling my weight, so I guess I just thought I would stay the same size. Wrong! Needless to say, my size 7's didn't fit for much longer. The guy I was with, he didn't want a fat girl. He was cheating on me all the time. He would go to strip clubs in the middle of the day. I would call his work and he wouldn't be there. Then when he got home, he would lie about where he had been. He was also very controling, telling me what I could and couldn't do. He also had a porn addiction that I didn't realize before I moved in. (Gee, you would think after 6 months you would really know someone). With all that, my self esteem went downhill fast. I looked really good when we met, I mean model material. Everyone told me so. I guess I was sort of a trophy for him. But then I started gaining weight, and I was no longer his trophy. That destructive relationship lasted about 3 years. By that time, I wan't huge, but I had gained about 30 or 40 pounds by then. Looking back, I know I could have done something about it and gotten back into my size 7's, but I felt like I was huge and that it was hopeless. I also had very low self esteem. I was diagnosed with depression, and the meds I was put on only made me put on more weight. During the next few years, I continued to struggle with my depression. Looking back, I see now that there were times that I really needed to be institutionalized. I was suicidal. I couldn't keep a job. The only reason I wasn't homeless was because I lived in a trailor that my Dad owned and I didn't have to pay any rent. I would somehow manage to work just enough to keep the utilites paid. I did really well for about a year. I worked everyday and was doing really good. I guess it was because of the meds I was on. But then I don't know what happened. My depression only got worse. I started doing risky things, shoplifting and sleeping around with numerous guys at the same time. I would party all the time. I dated one guy on and off for about 5 years, but it seems the only thing we ever did was party together and have sex. During all this time, my weight just keep getting higher and higher. I think I was in denial about it for a long time. I wouldn't look in the mirror. I would have to buy new clothes every few months because mine no longer fit. My mother was no help at all. All she ever did was put me down. Of course that didn't help with my self esteem. I did manage to lose about 40 pounds a few years later. But the only reason I lost it was because I was very poor and I didn't have money for food. I lived next to my aunt, and I would go to her house to eat dinner. That was usually the only thing I ate all day. But when I did get a job and was able to afford food, the weight only came back because I hadn't learned any healthy eating habits. I went back to eating out everyday. I met my husband about 4 years ago, and I was heavy then. But he didn't care. He loved me for who I was and didn't have a problem with my weight. He thought I was beautiful. I really think he saved my life. After I met him, my self esteem improved a great deal. I actually started to think I was attractive. I was able to keep down a job, and my depression was actually so much better. (And still is). We got married about 9 months after we met, but our relationship was anything but destructive. I know I can't blame my weight on anyone but myself. I am fat because, like everyone else, I eat too much and exercise too little. But I think just about everyone who had a bad childhood or suffered abuse has some type of problem (or has had), no matter if it's weight, drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, whatever. (My sister never had a problem with her weight, but she has turned into an alcoholic and drug addict). But the great thing is we have all overcome our problems and now have this wonderful tool to help us! Thanks for listening!

I was in shape until I graduated HS. I ran almost daily and lifted weights. I was a size six. I felt great. Then I went through a very difficult 7 years with my family. It completely fell apart. My dad left my mom, she tried to commit suicide, my dad went to treatment for alcoholism 3 x and some other ugly stuff. It was right at the same time that I began to live on my own and in college. I ate too much, ate out too often, used food and alcohol to cope with the stress of my family. I did not even notice how fast it was coming on. I recall buying bigger stuff but not really knowing how big I was. I was in denial. I quickly gained 100 lbs. I have then hovered at the same weight (give or take 20) for 7 years. However, I cannot make the needed changes long enough to have successful weight loss. So I guess I am fat because I turned food into a coping mechanism many years ago. I hope to change that on 5/22/12......

Thank you all for being so brave and posting your thoughts. One thing that strikes me as I read is that many of us are dealing with a great deal of pain in our lives -- past, present or both. And, unlike the alcoholic or drug abuser we all wear those problems for everyone else to see!!!! What I want more than anything is to "fit" into the world. At 292 I can't sit on a bus, train or airplane and feel uncomforable in restaurants and other public places. I've lost and gained 50-60 pounds 3 or 4 times in my life, always putting it back on and more. The last time was 3 years ago when I lost 55 pounds. I was doing spinning and yoga classes and the gym and went hiking in Colorado. I wasn't even near my goal weight but I could live a life. I hope the lapbanding can give me that back again and help me keep from regaining the weight this time!!! Good luck to you all. Mags

:thumbup: TOTALLY ! Used to be not overweight in school, never was "skinny", but used to be "healthy" and a competitive swimmer. But since I started working fulltime, eat out more often, alcohol nights and got heartbroken.. :smile2: I lost balance in exercising & eating. When I feel hurt, the more I don't like to look at myself... I eat to find comfort. :thumbup: Until I realize it, I've lost myself. In a span of 5 years, gained from 130ish to 220lbs...

WOW this is great to see people discussing their problems without trying to find excuses. I too have mental ilness and my main addiction is food. I quit smoking no problem -I don't care about any type of drugs including alcohol. But giving up the way I eat is an on going struggle. I compare it to the person that still smokes even though smoking is literally killing them.Thank GOD for WLS. I am losing slow but what is the alternative? killing myself with food? To me addiction is a fascinating subject.This is a great thread!! It's good to see people question and understand the reasons for their weight.No matter that I have a mental illness or addiction issues I am still the one that put me in this position.

Why am I fat? Wow, great thread. I, like some others, didn't have a very good childhood. My mom wasn't around a lot when I was little and to compensate, I ate. When she was around she would harp on everything I ate, saying stuff like "don't you know bread makes you fat?". I know in her mind that she was trying to keep me from being overweight, but it just made me feel bad and I started sneaking food. We lived with my great-grandmother and one time she had made two pumpkin pies. When they were cooling, I took a fork and ate the center out of both pies! I got chased around the house with a switch for that one! Another time when I was in the 4th grade, one Friday my mom bought like a month's worth of groceries. She and my stepdad went out of town for the weekend. By the time she got back on Sunday, I had eaten pretty much everything she had just bought. I even threw up, but that didn't stop me. I got into so much trouble for that. As a child and teen, I never learned to eat correctly. In high school, when I wanted to loose weight, I would starve myself. I was athletic and I would exercise like crazy. In the summer, I would gain about 30-40 pounds and then have to loose it all over again when practice started. I've yo-yo'd my entire life. After high school, I got married and stopped exercising. That's when I really started packing on the pounds. I've gained and lost the same 80 pounds numerous times. I truly believe that mine is an addiction no different from an alcoholic or a drug addict. I do it to medicate myself. Addiction runs wild in my family. My grandmother was an alcoholic as was two of her four children (not my mom, her addiction is food as well), my grandfather gambled, and several of my cousins have issues with alcohol and drugs. I thank God that my addiction was food and not drugs or alcohol. That could have so easily been the case. I still have issues but I'm working through them. I have been married to a great guy for 15 years. This has given me the stability that I so greatly craved as a child. My children, thank God, are growing up in a stable, loving home with both parents. When I have a bad day, the first thing I think of is food; however, after the band, I'm dealing with it in other ways. I don't think of food as often and I don't seem to want it like I did. I feel so blessed to have been given this great tool. My emotional scars are deep, but I'm working every day to overcome them. It will be something that I have to take one day at a time for the rest of my life.

Hmm. Why AM I fat? I am thinking this one over. I think a little bit is genetic. Both of my parents had a weight problem. Emotional eating is the basis of it. One parent was a binge alcoholic and the other was just an alcoholic towards the end of life. Though us kids were provided for financially. The uncertainty of what you were going be greeted with when we got off the bus was a worry for me. Some of my brothers and sister compensated for it by either being "big drinkers" once they left home, or (1) being an overachiver in his business life (I think to prove he is "good" as the other people-BTW-he isn't fat), or being fat (me). Both parents passed away, my daddy was killed in an accident (when he was drunk) by driving into a moving train when I was 12, and my mom died of cancer 4 years later. I went to live with my sister at 16, and she was into her own thing at that time-drinking and partying due to a divorce-and she wanted me to babysit every weekend. I rebelled! I wanted to party too because of dealing with all of the emotional crap of losing my parents so young. I was thinking, "Party on, because you're next in line!" So I moved out and was on my own at a very early age. I should have stayed there and babysat, as it turned out! At that time I was wearing size 12-13. I thought I was HUGE at a size 12. My sister was a size 8, so to compare myself to her, I was huge. Now I don't see it the same way. So I left her home, partied til I was emotionally bankrupted, and finally called an end to the party at the age of 21! I met my husband and we got married. It's been a tough marriage in some ways. He would stay out when we were first married until midnight-1 am, and he had a hard time getting up to go to work. He would leave me without a car, money, diapers, and cigarettes. So we worked thru all that crap (I left him for about a month when I was pregnant with our second child). I guess he really did like having us around. He straightened up about his own partying and getting to work. It is amazing he didn't get fired. BUT, he turned it into passive agressive behavior. HE would not leave the house for anything! It was a big, big happening when he went to family things. I have gone to many family functions without him thru the years. Until I left him again just a few years ago over his personality issues, I guess with age he mellowed..... He will attend some stuff now, but he usually just sits in a chair watching tv or sleeping! so thru the years, I have tried to be both father and mother to my kids, and I guess I got into the "after the kids go to bed because all this junk is not good for them type snacking". And I drink a lot of Coca Cola. NOT diet Coke. So here I am, 27 years later, overweight by 100 pounds. That's my story. YIKES, I need really do need theraphy!!! I am really not sure I want to post this, but I am going to "Post Quick Reply"....here goesss....click!

I can tell you that my morbid obesity comes from many factors. The main one is family atmosphere. My first memory of life was being sexually molested along with my baby brother. My parents were teenagers and not very interested in responsibility. The molestation continued for 11 years. I sought the approval and attention of a 30 year old at 16 and became pregnant the first time. I was always at work to pay for my baby and my mom gave him to my older sister at 17. I became a heavy drinker and married at 18. I was by then a full fledged alcoholic. Three days before my 20th birthday I became sober through AA. I spent my 20's in therapy. It helped me tremendously! I gave birth to my second son at 25 and still continued with therapy until the age of 29. I continued to smoke as a crutch until I reached 36. On 4-01-2000 I quit smoking and by 8-29-2005, the day of banding, I went from 155 or so to 280 lbs. Eating had always been my source of comfort, but I was always able to keep within 20lb.s or so of a normal weight. This was only achieved through starvation, diet pills, coffee and many cigarettes. My mom always offered food as a source of comfort and it became a way of life early on. My dad was not in the picture and my step fatheres were alcoholics. My younger brother and sister are both practicing alcoholics and not interested in quitting. I am the outsider because I chose a different life and because I attend church regularly. They will come to me for help, but only on their terms and I don't hear from them unless they need something. It breaks my heart because they will probably die in their addictions. They and my mom are obese as well. My father died 3 years ago from a massive heart attack. He was 58 years old, obese and a heavy smoker and drinker. I had not seen him in 10 years. Fathering was not of interest to him. My brother still wants his approval-sad huh? Well I guess I have cried a river, thanks for listening-or reading. I love all of you, you are all great! Rose in Texas not a victim anymore! banded 8-29-2005

a person i know uses xylitol based gummy bears to break constipation. gastric “side effects” happen with overconsumption of some sugar alcohols (a couple spoonfuls of the sweetener may work too)… the body can’t process it for energy so no calorie issues

wow....this is like being in a huge family of nothing but sisters. But thats cool, I always wanted sisters anyway, I only had one miserable, drug addicted, brother who has caused nothing but pain to our family. ANYWAY..... I went to Sams and bout about 300 dollars worth of Premier shakes and the Clear drinks, which taste ok but leave you with a very dry mouth so I really do not care for the Premier Clear Protein drinks. Too bad I bout 5 cases. LOL Surgery is 6/15 and I am only supposed to do a 2 week pre-op liquid diet but I have been trying my best to start it early. I have been doing ok but I find myself getting bored at night, especially since being laid off my job a couple nights ago. So I have been slipping in a meal or two of regular food. Still somewhat healthy and has protein, like hamburger patties and sausage. Boredom is one of my worst enemies when it comes to eating. I have got to find something to occupy my time, something that won't cost money since I am jobless now. I am also have a hard time weaning myself off the alcohol. I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic, but the last year os so I have found that a couple or a few glasses of Crown Royal or Vodka help me to fall asleep. I don't ever get hangovers and something tells me it is safer than taking sleeping pills (which never worked for me in the past anyway). But, I do know that I need to stop drinking soon and at least until a couple months post op, and even then, only vodka. Anyway, Just figured I would jump on here and babble a bit rather that go look for food. LOL I know some of you are starting Instagrams for this journey, If anyone is interested, I have one that is mostly of st journey with my VSG. I haven't posted in a while since gaining back a bunch of weight but I will probably start again with this upcoming revision. Feel free to follow me at JamesL_1973 and I will follow back. Look through my followers, there are a LOT of very inspiring people in there.

I can remember having a second helping of chili with beans and rice, when I was seven, I think, and my mother saying, “Your friends are probably already in bed.” <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p> She died when I was nine, and I bought my first box of cookies soon after that, for twenty-five cents. And that’s when my love affair with cookies began. But I was a think child, even though I’d buy bags of cookies whenever I could, which wasn’t often, because I didn’t get an allowance. My father was an alcoholic, and I stuffed myself when I could, because it felt good. <o:p></o:p> I moved in with one of my older sisters during my senior year in high school, and had three meals a day, something I didn’t always have at my father’s. But my weight began creeping up when I was in my twenties. I remember weighing 209 pounds, and going to a Gloria Marshall figure salon. I lost thirty pounds, maybe thirty-five, because I was 174, and my sister commented on how little I looked. That was the last time I saw the one hundreds. The next time I became conscious of my weight was when it was 290, and I joined Overeaters Anonymous. I went down to 232 and back up to 286, and had a hysterectomy, when I went down to 263. I know there are other times I yo-yoed, but this is the basic pattern. <o:p></o:p> About four years ago, I began working with a personal trainer, but I’m not sure how much weight I’ve lost, because I never allowed myself to be weighed until I began considering getting the lap band. <o:p></o:p> I know a lot of my eating is because of my family life, where I experienced a lot of physical and emotional neglect. My brother called me Fatso, even though I wasn’t big, but like so many, I believed him. One of my sisters called me Brahma, and I always thought it was because she thought I was fat, too, but she told me recently it was because of the way I walked so fast <o:p></o:p> The last time I went to my doctor’s office, I didn’t ask how much I weigh, but it’s got to be over 331. Guess I just didn’t want to know. <o:p></o:p> Oh, did I mention that, like so many others, I too snuck food, even when I went to Gloria Marshall, which I did twice, when I was in OA, I ate sugar free stuff, but still had large portions? Denying myself the sweets only caused me to sneak on weekends or hide food in my closet.

I eat totally normally, just less. I dont count Protein, I dont focus on protein, I eat carbs, usually Cereal and bread daily, I drink alcohol in moderation and enjoy what I want in moderation when I go out to eat. I basically eat 3 meals a day, no Snacks, that works best for me. I've never drunk a Protein shake and I've never been advised not to drink with meals. Every so often I have a really bad day or week where I eat badly - too much chocolate or Cookies in particular. I write it off and get back on the wagon, I dont wallow in it and go right off the rails. I dont fuss over what there will be to eat wherever I'm going, and I dont obsess over takeing home doggy bags of food I've not finished in a restaurant. So what if I dont eat it all? I just make a decision from what's available wherever I happen to be and yes, sometimes that's even McDonalds! I hate ice cream and sweet drinks so never had to deal with that particular issue. I run for about 45 minutes 4 or 5 times a week and do three fairly tough circuit training sessions a week as well. I've lost 85lb in 18 months which is more than 100% of my excess weight. I'd say its been easy, I really would. It's just been gradual and natural and I've lost my terrible obsession with food and dieting.

Here’s my story Weighed 3 lbs 11 oz at birth, My Mom thought I looked like a wet rat (I was her 2<SUP>nd</SUP> child) my Dad thought I was beautiful. <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Looking back at baby pic’s I was a normal size kid – but must have started gaining weight in grade school because I remember my Mom taking me to the family doctor to be put on a diet. Must have been 4<SUP>th</SUP> grade. Doctor gave me liquid medicine (must have been some sort of diet pill in liquid form) - I remember losing weight and I don’t know how much I weighted then. I do remember being in 8<SUP>th</SUP> grade weighting 165 and I was considered the fat girl (God how I wish I weighted 165 now) Remember my Mom telling everyone – can you believed she weighed 3 lbs at birth – look at that pretty face. That’s when I started hiding my eating. My Mom was always watching what I ate. I remember coming home from school changing in to my play clothes and stuffing saltines in my pockets and going outside to eat. At our house we had plenty of food – but no one had seconds, I think I was the only one who wanted them. Remember eating what was left over out of the pots as I was doing dishes.<O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Issue’s that may have contributed to my looking to food for comfort – Found my Mother when I was 5 – after she tried to commit suicide. Yes, my Mom had mental issues and was mean to us girls (me & my sister) the boys she loved. My Dad told me once when I was older that my Mom was jealous of me. My Mom could be very abusive and was a mean drunk – On the outside we looked like the Father Knows Best Family (yes I am dating myself ;o) but on the inside of that house there was drama. My Mom was the abuser – to me, my sister and my Father (yes the wife was the abuser not the husband) both verbal & physical <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Then the summer between 8<SUP>th</SUP> grade and my freshman year I lost 30 lbs without even trying – in fact after summer school would come home and eat tons of junk – but again I was a lot more active – walking to baseball games to meet the boys – to and from school.<O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> I weighed 130 when I was 16 and got pg with my Son. Gained 35 lbs during pregnancy and the Doctor kept telling me I was going to look like a whale – Well he gave me diet pills after the birth of my son and between not having $$$ for any extra food and those pills I lost the baby weight and in fact got down to 117. Stayed that way for years – didn’t have $$ for food and had an abusive boyfriend who always had me scared – and would degrade me - Remember Hot Pants – here I was weight 117 – and he told me I looked bad in those shorts. In fact all those yrs that I was skinny I never felt skinny and didn’t realize the body I had until I saw an old boyfriend who said “what happened to that great body you had” <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Well – got rid of that abusive guy – got a nice guy who was a tad chubby his self – and then the weight started back on and with in a yr gained 40 lb – then that boyfriend said I was fat and wouldn’t make love to me – so I went out and found one that would – Now at this time I was weighing about 160 (I’m 5’4). Thick but not fat… <O:p></O:p> Again would gain and lose gain & lose – really didn’t obsess about food too much – would love to eat a bowl of mash potatoes with tons of butter or burritos and sweets. <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Food is my drug of choice. I don’t do drugs or abuse alcohol. I used to be mostly a nighttime eater - could go all day with out eating – still can if I am out doing something (except at work – want to eat – but that’s the stress) But find that I do now eat during the day and watch out at night – I think I self medicate to sleep and I love to sleep on the weekends – I know you are going to say I am depressed – but I don’t feel depressed.. I think I do feel numb as I have read in some of these other post - I think I might be numb maybe that’s why I like the peace and quite of my life – My life is pretty good, I am divorced (which is find with me cuz I don’t need the drama) My 16 yr Grandson lives with me (who by the way is just shy of being anorexia) – I live in a nice house, drive a nice car – have no money issues. But I still EAT --- Eat – I am at my heaviest (last time around – before in my late 30’s 232 was my highest ) Now at 52 I am 240 and being menopausal it’s all over but now my tummy is the biggest it’s ever been)<O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> I eat because I Can, I eat because I Hate feeling Deprived, I eat when I’m Bored, I eat cuz it taste good – and get seconds or thirds (when I make something good) cuz I don’t taste the 1<SUP>st</SUP> serving – but by the 2<SUP>nd</SUP> serving it’s taking real good and I want more. And then after I go to bed it’s up again to eat more so I can go to sleep and then I wake up again and eat some more. –I don’t exercise – It’s too much effort to change clothes when I get home and go for a walk – it’s so much easier to change into my house dress and plop my fat ass in front of the TV.<O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Ok – so this got a little long – but it’s my history – I want to get banded and have been talking about it for a year now – but haven’t done anything about it. I think I am afraid to lose my friend FOOD… I have high blood pressure – my Dad had heart problems (my family all has a tendency to be on the heavy side – My Dad got real big after his divorce from my Mom (who did successed in killing herself when I was 15) My Brother who died had weight issues too – and my baby bro is most likely 280 my big sis really doesn’t have a weight issue – but what we all have in common is being night eaters) <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> I am here on this board looking into what to expect if I get banded – I don’t want to die, but why can’t I just take the 1<SUP>st</SUP> step and call the Bypass Doctor. Am I hiding behind my fat?? <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> I don’t like difficult things in my life and if it’s to difficult I won’t do it – I think that’s why I don’t even try anymore to diet. It’s just too hard – it is easier being fat. (Not really but you know what I mean) <O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Can I go to the surgeon directly – I have Blue Cross Ppo(California) I have done all the diets – Pills – Weight Watchers – Jenny Craig – Medifast – etc but none are recorded with my current Doctor.<O:p></O:p> <O:p></O:p> Well, my dinner is burning – and I wish I was as articulate as some other these other posters and maybe I gave too much info – but I NEED HELP – Skinny people don’t understand Fat people – they think all you have to do is stop eating – well if I could do that I wouldn’t be fat...:help: <O:p></O:p>

Not a single person in my family is obese. A little heavy, maybe. I wanted love and acceptance. I have 3 older sisters and had an oler brother(o d on drugs). When I was little I would watch my mother kiss, cuddle give I Love You's to my brother and wait for my turn. But It never came. I was never invited to sit on my Mothers lap. Than my opinions became "stupid". I made no sense, "you don't know what your talking about". She made fun of me when I cryed. My brother was also an alcoholic and would put me down and tell me how fat my thighs were.(i was only 120lbs) He would tell me I don't deserve to eat the food in the frige or have the eye glasses on my face. Oh, the joy of family. When I was little, I use to sleep with my mother, you guess it, my father left us to be with his other Family. But would pop in with treats of FOOD. Any way, my Mother would make us, her and I, special bologna sandwiches @ nite. She would cut the crust off, spread the mayo just so, and cut it in perfect little squares. We would sit in bed wacth TV and drink milk and eat. Gee I wonder why I like to snack at night? And think so little of myself. Or why I have a screwed up relationship with men. Our eating comes from the same place inside us, how do we "fix" or "fill" that place?

I could blame genetics because most of my family is obese, but really it's my fault. If I didn't eat junk for everyday I would be this way. It is really an addiction. An alcoholic or smoker can give up alcohol and cigerettes but we cannot just give up food. Though I guess I could give up the junk food. But I am getting the band next Wed. and I am hoping for a big change!

It might come from living for so long where I felt a decided lack of control---but I don't like being that out of it! If I were to drink straight anything, I would be a zombie in nothing flat! Not to mention I would feel like I'd been hit by a Mack Truck the next morning. I don't mind a few mixed drinks on occasion, lightly mixed so they taste like something besides alcohol---but I would never have one unless we were out, or celebrating, or had a party going on. I don't think I have ever drank by myself......hmmmm OMG I bore myself!!! Kat

Spa's not my thing either. I think our Saturday is pretty packed. I don't think Friday is a good boot scootin' night after all the travel and I'd really like to take some time to get to know the Violets in person and settle in without all the hoopla around at least for the first night. I'm looking forward to talking and laughing and perhaps a little Bible Study.... after all...............:eek::tt2::tt2: But that's just me.. I'll go along with the crowd on most things. Just really don't expect me to be drinking anything except Crystal Light. Not being a party poop... I just don't like the taste of alcohol. Like I said before... I'll be the designated spiritual advisor. (who's sleeping with a lesbian and considering a tattoo..... )

At 15 months out, Other than carbonation, I can eat anything. However, if I eat too many sweets or too many artificial sweeteners or too much coffee or too much alcohol I do get a bit of gastritis. Rolaids or a few days of a PPI will help, but the best is just not to eat "too much". The week of Christmas was the worst...Even though it was all SO GOOD I was looking forward to finally getting back to Protein and veggies. I've never dumped and other than 1 time (very recently) that I ate way too fast, I've never vomited. And just know things change as your sleeve heals and you find what does and doesn't work for you. What I could eat at 3 months is way different than 6 months and a year.

Next week will be my first real social test; I will be 4 weeks post op and am attending an industry conference. I will be around buffets, Snacks, diet cokes etc. Every evening will also have cocktail parties/dinners. Have any of you tried alcohol yet? I am planning to take Protein shakes with me and am not overly concerned about the food---I am worried about being tired mid day and drawn to the diet coke (kryptonite for me) but am wondering if I can have a cocktail.

My 2 week post-op appt went well today! I've lost 18.5 lbs, all of my incisions are healing well and I got my diflucan! Best of all, my doc released me to eat whatever I want...he said he trusts me to do the best thing for myself and that my stomach, at 2 weeks, is healed enough to handle anything as long as I chew it veryveryvery well. No caffeine, no NSAIDs and of course no alcohol, but otherwise I'm free to eat as long as I'm shooting for 90g protein and limiting sugars/simple carbs, just as I've been doing. Tonight I had a little bit, maybe 2 oz?, of grilled salmon. It was heavenly. Now I need to start seriously tracking what I'm eating, so I need a good food tracking app. I'm using My Fitness Pal, but I don't love it. I have another app called Baritastic, but it doesn't track fiber so my dietitian doesn't like it because she wants me to track fiber later on. Do any of you use something else, or have any suggestions about things you've heard of? Sounds like we all had good appointments today, yay June sleeve buddies!