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wow- great stories & great advice everyone. Photonut kinda hit it on the head I think In a nut shell here it is: I am a 39 established gal who hasn't worked in the past 3 yrs- strickly from choice & going through a bought of depression from my divorce. Prior to that for 14 yrs a corp.gal who made 6+ figures. My X barely could scrape together much but we were 9 yrs younger & well thought we could do it all togther, especially w/what I was bringing home & we moved into my house. No problem - except we didn't make it do to his abuse/alcohol. Fours yrs gone now & just started dating again. Met another sweetheart of a guy who is 32(or better yet he mets me...so did my X) & doesn't have a home(is currently mnth to mnth condo) & doesn't have health ins or savings. BUT IS SO KIND & SWEET!!! He see me- thinks established- smart- nice -2000+sq ft home & well he thinks potential. I see him & think so sweet so kind so handsome BUT I am no longer a spring chick & want kids still. HOw in Gods name can he support that?? So yes he is a Master Electrician with potential & would need me to take over finances(he said that would be best if we stick it out) BUT wants me to work & keep up the home & kids. HE SAYS that once were rolling & ok finacially that I can stay home & hold down the fort... At least he says that... My main problem is I have been home & still finacially fine for 3 yrs all by myself. I do need to go back now though-- But its hard to stay with him based on just hopes & possiblities at my age. He can barely take me out to dinner. However he can fix & install every thing in the world & that is a HUGE PLUS! OHHH I wish I could buy him a winning loto ticket :0) I know tons of you will say $$doesn't buy you happiness & if I like him I should tough it out--Thats what I am trying to do now. But I am also a "country cLub" gal that was raised upper middle class & its so hard to think I may have to go into another marriage being the bread winner again. I really want to be the wife who supports the husbands career & home & plans the parties & leads the girlscout troups & so forth. But for some reason that I have yet to figure out I never find the men they only find me & they are usually from the other side of the tracks. Not like that can't work out --just its tougher when you education & life experiences are so diverse. Thanks all for the stories & yes I have tried both eharmony & yahoo... SO this last time I just told God i would wait & so far this nice sweet broke guy is who he has sent;0) Wonder what I am supposed to do now??? Thnks

Like Jachut (and also from Australia) I wasn't given a lot of rules to follow. I had a post-op diet, which I followed, after which I was told to eat healthily, exercise at least 20 mins 3 times a week, and only eat when I was hungry. I didn't do low carb, didn't count calories, ate a balanced diet from all food groups, I drink alcohol (always have) and I exercised. I started with a relatively low BMI too and I lost all the weight I needed to within 7 months, then lost more, and then have maintained for over a year now. I think following the post-op diet is important because that's when you're healing. But after that, how you lose is pretty much dependant on you, and how sensibly you eat. Mind you, I don't drink carbonated drinks coz they make me feel sick. If something doesn't 'sit well' with me, I don't eat/drink it. But I try everything at least once. Personally I think if I'd had too many rules to follow, I would have been more likely to fall off the wagon. Having few rules made it easier to 'follow' the rules I did have. I even drink with meals sometimes, when I'm out at a restaurant. Then again, I'm not very restricted anymore. :waytogo:

I will admit, the big rule I break is drinking with my meals. Although, I don't gulp it. I may take tiny tiny sips. I barely drink 1/4 of my glass, if even that much. It does not affect my hunger, nor does it make me pb or uncomfortable. I drink alcohol on occassion. I haven't had a drink in over a month. I don't eat bread anymore, although I can still tolerate rice. And I don't drink any carbonation at all. I took a sip of my husband's flat Dr. Pepper once, and never again! Exercising makes my port sore too. My husband and I just moved into a new house, and when we were packing up, I was so sore in my port area. It went away after about a day or two. I will see how sore unpacking makes me.

Defining Myself after Weight Loss Surgery In order to define who you are after weight loss surgery, it’s important to answer a few questions. The most important question may be “Who do you want to be”? However, before you answer that question, let’s walk down the road of your past and define who you have been. You will discover qualities about yourself that you want to hold on to and develop as you move forward in life. You will also discover some things about yourself that it is time to permanently abandon. Life after bariatric surgery is most assuredly about redefining yourself. You have gone from seeing yourself, and being seen by others, as “the fat person” to being “that person who had bariatric surgery and has lost so much weight”. It’s easy to find yourself wondering who you are at this point, many pounds lighter than you were not so very long ago. You’re probably tired of all of the comments and questions related to how much weight you have lost and how you have done it. It’s time to start living the new life you have worked so hard for. However, you may be confused about who you are now that you have lost so much weight and the hype of the weight-loss process is over. You may find yourself staring into the mirror wondering, “WHO AM I”? Let’s find out, starting by identifying your “titles” or the “hats that you wear”. Imagine you have a wall in your house with a great big board affixed to it. On the board are a number of hooks. On each hook hangs a hat and under each hat is a small sign with a label, one for each of the roles you play. For example, you may have a multicolored, floppy hat to represent the many dimensions and of being a “mom”. There may be a fedora or a nursing cap or a chef hat with a label underneath that says “working professional”. Is there a whimsical hat with a sign that says “friend”? A hat to represent yourself as a daughter? a woman? a spouse or partner? a dancer? a pianist? a photographer? a volunteer? a mentor? a student? Make a list of your titles and alongside the list, state the benefits and drawbacks for you in each of these roles. Are there any roles that you want to eliminate? Are you at a place in your life where you no longer want to play some role on your list and that you can responsibly let go of? Maybe your parents forced you to play a musical instrument as a child and you continue to play in a community orchestra even though you don’t want to. Would now be a good time to say good-bye to being a “musician”? There are some roles you may have that you wish you didn’t, but you accept them because you are a responsible person. For example, you might wish you had a sun visor on the wall where your professional hat is because you want to be retired. However, you keep the hat of the working professional because you are a responsible person and have a family to feed. (Idea: Hang the visor underneath the professional hat as a reminder that the retirement hat is one you will be wearing one day!) Is there a role you would like to add to your life? Would you like to become a tap dancer and add a top hat to your wall? Are there some roles you love that you already have but would like to improve on? Would taking parenting class help you to be an improved version of “mother”? Now make a list of words that you use to describe yourself and that other people use to describe you. Make this list of words descriptive of your personality. For example, are you “bubbly”, “grumpy”, “responsible”, “gossipy”, “adventurous”, “whiney”, “moody”, “outgoing”, “a good listener”, “lazy”, “serious”, “silly”, “friendly”, “mean”, “motivated”, “introverted”, “lively”, etc.? Be sure to include the names you have been called related to your obesity, such as “fat”, “chunky”, and “husky”. Were you called “smart”, “stupid”, “idiot”, “baby doll”, “princess”, “daddy’s girl”, “spoiled”, or “alcoholic”? Next to each of these descriptive words, write down your feelings related to each of these labels. Which of these things do you want to continue to be? Which do hope to never hear again in reference to you? Okay. You’ve got a really great start toward answering the question, “Who Am I”? You have identified the roles you currently play in life. You have identified words and labels that describe you. You have chosen which ones you like for yourself and which ones you are ready to leave behind. To get rid of the ones you are ready to discard from your life, write the words or labels on separate pieces of paper. Next, light a fire in the fireplace or a large coffee can and drop each piece of paper into the fire, and say out loud, “I am no longer a ‘fatso’”. Then throw the word into the fire and refuse to ever refer to yourself as that again. Do this with each word and label you are getting rid of. The final steps to figuring out who you are at this time in your life are to verbalize and write down who you want to be! Simply state out loud and then write down, “I want to be and will be “a person who thinks positively about myself and others”. “I want to be and will be “a person who plans what I eat every day and sticks to my plan”. I want to be and will be “a person who exercises 60 minutes a day, five days a week”. I want to be and will be “a person who focuses on gratitude throughout the day”. That’s the easy part. The more difficult part is to determine specifically what you are going to DO in order to be each of the things in your list. For example, “I will be a person who thinks positively about myself and others by stopping all judgmental thoughts as soon as I am aware that I am having them and by immediately replacing all negative thoughts with positive ones”. “I will be a person who focuses on gratitude throughout the day by writing down one thing I am grateful for three times each day”. By specifically defining your goals and visualizing yourself doing them, you will do them and become the person you imagine yourself to be. Picture yourself eating healthy meals. See yourself walking the dogs. Imagine yourself giving genuine compliments to others. Picture yourself looking into the mirror and smiling kindly at yourself. Decide who you want to be by: identifying who you have been deciding what parts of your previous self you want to keep and what parts you want to discard determining specific things you want to do and specific ways you want to behave. Choose to become the person you were born to be before the “genuine you” got lost beneath unhealthy extra weight. “Who Am I”? Whoever you choose to be! Connie Stapleton, Ph.D. 4/12 WLS Magazine

I put the "benchmarks" on my calendar i.e., "Can try pasta..", "Can try steak"...so far at four months out, there's not too much I can't eat - including the occasion bagel..but it takes me forever at a pinky tip size bite at a time, so not really worth it. I'm not a big alcohol drinker, but I love the occasional margarita or gin & tonic - so far no problem, but I feel the effect very quickly. Was a diet soda a-day girl and gave that up - Love SoBe water and still have a cup or two of coffee a day. My NUT encourages me to 1) Eat Real Foods(don't rely on protein shakes except past recovery or post-fill), 2) Focus on Protein first, then fruit and veggies, 3) Limit but don't eliminate carbs, 4) Have the occasional treat but watch the portion size - that said, I really have to control myself around ice cream which has always been a favorite and slides down the ol' pie hole real easy! :cool:

my doc said diet soda and alcohol are fine in moderation. i make my soda flat by shaking it though because the bubble theory of stretching the pouch makes sense to me. i don't usually drink alcohol anyway but it is high in carbs and sugar so it's not something i would drink anyway.

Well, that MIGHT be me. I'm not a rule breaker, I was into this 100% and the carbonation and drinking with meals and Protein stuff were NOT rules for me. So technically, I follow my doctor's advice and would advise anyone to do so. But patently, since we have such laxer rules and no rules at all a lot of the time in Australia (of course it depends on yoru doctor, like anywhere) then those things simply ARENT hard and fast rules. I really echo ada's sentiments above - most of the nutrient balance, drinking, alcohol, caffeine advice are recommendations, not rules. If you can lose weight drinking wine, well, wine in moderation is not an entirely bad thing, it has some health benefits. There's no rhyme or reason to the caffeine thing, thats nothing more than one doctor's personal views over anothers, there's no evidence at all that we shoudl avoid it. The drinking thing, well I could drink with meals for the longest time without discomfort, and I did. When it started to hurt beyond certain restriction, I stopped. If I'd stopped losing for any significant time, I might have tried low carb, certainly would have given up alchohol. For each of us, this is OUR body, our experience is unique to US, and any doctor that insists on a cookie cutter approach wouldnt be a doctor I'd choose. Carbonation hurts. Its very uncomfortable to drink a very bubbly drink with the band. They're also generally rubbish for you. Good enough reason as any not to drink them. Drinking with a meal with adequate restriction is likely to make you vomit. Great reason to avoid it. But does it wash food through and make me feel hungry sooner. Absolutely a resounding NO. It doesnt. So why would I need to obsess about finishing drinking exactly 30 minutes before my meal and WHY would I watch the clock obsessively for an hour after? I personally believe that the rules doctors set tell an awful lot about the doctors' attitude to fat people. Some seem to want to punish. "i wont do this surgery unless you do this", "you must follow this rule, that rule, avoid this list of foods, count this nutrient" shows quite a lack of understanding about what it is like to be fat, to be an overeater, and definitely shows no empathy for a person who has to live like this forever. I'm very comfortable with my doctor who emphasises finding our own groove with this thing, adapting a lifestyle you can live with, is not unhappy with slow loss (my personal view is slow loss is good, healthier and maintainable, high protein fast loss is unhealthy, consists of a lot of muscle tissue and long term ketosis will damage your eyes and kidneys, but hey, that's an entire different argement with compelling evidence on BOTH sides). If you love rules, you probably like a doctor who gives them to you black and white, but me, I'd probably tell him to get stuffed. I also dont think doctors are GOD and argue regularly with my GP but then, that's just me. And the simple truth is, you just dont strictly have to live with rules to be succesful. I lost 100lb in about 18 months, I've kept it off for nearly 3 years now, I have a low BMI and I did it simply by eating sensibly, from all food groups, allowing treats but keeping them to a minimum and excercising regularly and intensely. I can definitely live like this forever. Look, if you love rules and love being dedicated to a diet and love to count, journal and such, its not a bad thing. Its defintely not going to hurt you. But its not strictly necessary for everyone, it has some disadvantages for many and not wanting to live that way is NOT an indication that someone will fail, will suffer complications or will not keep their weight off. You can indeed treat the band as a tool to control portions, eat sensibly but more like a normal person and lose weight and keep it off. But I think the post op requirements are remarkably similar between doctors and are VITAL to stick to. You've just had major surgery on your stomach, you want this thing to work and last, you have to allow it to heal. Why you would f-ck with that, I have no idea. That is just not negotiable. If that's the hardest thing you ever have to do in your life, then you're lucky. I found it really easy to be honest. I was full of new joy and good resolutions about what I was going to achieve. This time it was going to work. That was all the motivation I needed.

Ok, so I admit to being hard-headed & needing to learn things the hard way. This being said, I have to admit to not following the surgeons instructions: I drink caffeinated diet soda & have had the occasional alcoholic beverage. Also, I have not followed the liquid, puree, soft then regular foods after fills regime. Because I have not had any adverse affects, I can't help but wonder why all the restrictions.... (I can see how it could be an issue for some)... I guess what I am wondering is, outside of the empty calories in alcohol, can any of this behavior hinder how effective the band is? If there is anyone who can offer some concrete info I would sure appreciate it!!

I feel that if you know what moderation is then this will also apply to alcohol. I have indulged twice now and am a social drinker, nothing crazy(I hate headaches). I have realized that it does not take much and I make sure I am never driving. I can have 2 drinks and I nurse them, usually crystal light and vodka, I don't do soda anymore. This is also personal choice, and I make sure to make up for it in my caloric intake. Just have to make smart decisions. But I have read about how addiction can crossover.

I didn't see the Oprah show but i have seen a few research articles about how we are at risk or replacing one addiction with another. For the first year after banding I didn't drink any alcohol because I didn't want to waste calories. Then I went through a few months of bad drinking on my own where I felt very alone. Now I've pulled myself together and am back at goal weight and am verging on anorexia to stay at goal weight. It is one addiction or another

Hey Michael, once I had the surgery I stayed on plan for three or four months. No alcohol. Then I introduced a glass of wine every now and then. After a while I had a glass of scotch every now and then. Now 6 months out and 110 lbs lost, I just returned from a week long motorcycle trip with the guys. I drank alcohol everyday including beer and ate anything I wanted. I did gain a couple of pounds and now I'll have to get back to the plan and stay away from bad food and drink again but you can hang out with the guys. It's just like everything else. Moderation.

so i have read posts about when it is ok to drink alcohol post surgery but when do you need to stop pre surgery? with the holidays coming up and parties to go to, i don't want to mess anything up before surgery.

I'm about a week short of five months now and down 61 pounds. I figured I'd go item by item below. Coffee - I just graduated law school and am studying for the bar exam. I cannot go without coffee at the moment. That being said, I can't drink a full cup at one sitting. I make myself coffee in a teacup and that's about as much as my stomach can handle in terms of capacity. If you need the caffeine like I do, you'll find that it's absorbed into your bloodstream much quicker than before because of the size of your stomach. It's actually a pretty nifty upside. That being said, it'll probably take you about two months to be able to drink it again post-op because it's an acidic drink and your stomach will still be healing. Don't worry though. Caffeine isn't an issue in the long term. Soda/Carbonated drinks - Big NO. Not only will the carbonation agitate your stomach, but it will stretch your pouch (whether sleeve or bypass) and undo the operation as a result overtime. Not worth it. On the plus side, when I've dared to take a sip because I gave into stupid temptation, I've found soda is way too sweet for me now. So it might not be as big of a challenge. Don't worry, though. Diet iced tea and lemonade is your friend! Alcohol - I only recently tried alcohol for the first time since my surgery because white sangria was being served at my graduation party. I was a little over four months post-op then. I only drank about half of a standard wine glass. One of the major concerns concerning alcohol (aside from its high sugar content) is that alcohol (like caffeine) is absorbed into your blood stream far quicker after the procedure. Mixed drinks with something to temper the alcohol with is preferable. Light beer is also okay. Stay away from straight up liquor. Some have found red wine to agitate the stomach more than anything else. Go easy and work yourself up to the wine with mixed drinks/coolers first to gauge your body's reaction and give it some time. As an occasional wine drinker, it shouldn't be a problem. Hope this all helps, @@Michelle Tarver!

Six months was just yesterday. Started out 220, now 153. It's 68 lbs down. I can eat just about anything except salmon. I do also have alcohol which slows my weightloss. I do miss my taste buds but am glad of my decision! And when I say eat anything, I mean like two or three bites, excellent restriction!

All the best for your surgery, hope to see you back soon on the forum. I am due for surgery on 15 July but till now my doc has not advised any diet control, may be because in general he knows I do not smoke, drink alcohol and am purely vegetarian.

Well, after the band, most people are light weights when it comes to drinking. There isn't much in the stomach to soak up the alcohol, so getting drunk a lot quicker happens. Also, beer is a no-no due to the carbonation. Same goes with soda as chasers. Most alcoholic beverages have a lot of calories. Empty calories at that. I only drink alcohol every once in a while, and only have a couple shots when I do drink now. I only drink at home, and have tea or some other non carbonated beverage as a chaser. Either that, or I will have a couple glasses of wine. As they say - everything in moderation.

Um, probably becuase she LIKES it? Why do you assume there would be any other reason? I really like club soda and ice as a drink. I vastly prefer it over still Water. Its also great half half with white wine to reduce your calorie and alcohol intake. I can handle carbonation fine though and my doctor doesnt believe it needs to be avoided.

Morning Girls. Heather, that is horrible. I was hoping that you were going to say that is was the pottasium and that you didn't need the surgery. I'm so sorry you had to go thru all of that and that you couldn't spend that time enjoying Ayla. I agree with Judy about you and Laura, so I'm not going to get pregnant either. With both Laura and Heather having problems, it makes me really want to protect my band even more. Terri, good luck on the -4 and I am keeping all of you in my prayers. Last night I went over to the neighbors to sit on the deck. she has one of those firepits. We ended up fixing S'mores. I ate one and a few marshmallows(burnt). We had a good time and guess what? I didn't have any alcohol. LOL. Everyone have a great day.

Maybe you can explain that to him, for many of us, the wrong foods are an addiction. And one of the hardest things about problems with food is that we can't just not eat. With cigarettes, alcohol, cocaine, what you do is completely eliminate the substance. We cannot do that.

Hello girls! I haven't heard from any of you in a while. I hope all is well. I have to admit I've been slacking a bit. Haven't weighed myself since I went for my last fill. Eventhough, I did tell myself I would only weigh myself at the doctor's office visits anyway. But right now its more out of fear. Lol I'm afraid I probably haven't lost any weight since my last visit. I haven't been monitoring my eating too much. Not that I've been eating too poorly, but I know it could be healthier as it was in the beginning. And I've been partying. I know not good. Too much unnecessary calories wasted on alcohol. I've tried to have the less caloric drinks, but I know its still a bit foolish. I also went to Jamaica last weekend for 4 days. All-inclusive. I think that says it all. Lol. I do have to commend myself on my eaiting, however. For all-inclusive I definitely ate A LOT less than I used to on my previous trips. I wasn't choosing fatty foods. And even my boyfriend was proud that I wasn't over doing it. I was supposed to go in on Monday for another fill but my doc won't be in the office. So I have to go in on the 16th. I'm going to try my hardest to work my ass of till then. DEFINITELY don't want to embarrass myself in front of my doctor but not haven't lost anything, and worst of all, by gaining some back. Well, sorry for rambling. Hope every one had a great holiday and is keeping up a lot better than I have. LOL

Using this same reasoning....why should insurance pay for addicts to go to rehab? The rates of failure are huge! Should an alcoholic have to go to their doctor once a month for six months to monitor their sobriety? That's crazy. My insurance pays for cancer patients to have very expensive treatments regardless of how many months they have left to live. why should we pay to get another few months out of someone? See that line of thinking is crazy when it comes to other things but not when you are overweight. Then it's ok.

I have just arrived home from our 14 day holiday. We had it booked pre- covid and the company allowed us to continue postponing the booking until we could go. It was a All inclusive type holiday where you stay in a big resort and everything is at hand which suits us when travelling, my husband needs a wheelchair. We were a little nervous of the airports and flying as it is such a hassle with a wheelchair. It all went quite smoothly except for the times I was stranded with a hubby, wheelchair, two suitcases and two bags and a large handbag. At times it felt like I was the puzzle where you have a river to cross with a bag of grain, a hen and a fox. I wore the bags like a bandolero, pulled the suitcase and pushed the wheelchair with my stomach. Oh the joys of checking in at airports. I ate what I wanted, which being me, was always the best fish, seafood, cheeses and a vast amount of serrano/ parma ham. They made their own cookies and bread so these never got bypassed but in small amounts. I even had butter and ice cream. I drank strong coffee with liqueurs and some long cocktails. Usually one or two a day. A few times I felt really drunk when the bar tenders had made the cocktails stronger than the last. It was not a good feeling but I found something to eat and then the alcohol was absorbed quickly. I was a little worried to get on the scales this morning. Pre surgery, I could put almost a stone on in the two weeks [14lbs] a lot of it was water weight around my swollen ankles. I weighed in at exactly the same and TMI moment, had 8 days of poop inside me. So may even loose weight when the medicine kicks in [ or is it out ? ] So te he he another win win for my bariatric surgery

Hi girls~ A listener, not a talker....huh! Tell my DH! Love the shoes Haydee! Heather I would love to meet you too! Laura, I do the same with the mod stuff---and I rode the fence in this disaster. I refuse to say more! LOL As for the Moms and the kids---do either of your Moms read much? Maybe a couple of books on enabling, and the written word of someone else, reiterating what you have been saying....otherwise I have no idea. My parents finally did just like Terry with my brother. He got arrested for DWI, and in the holding cell, he had a seizure, well come to find out, he had been trying to quit drinking, and with his brain injury and the detoxing, he was having seizures. He was unconcious in his truck, not passed out from alcohol. But they made the choice NOT to remove him from the charges, and allowed the charge to be changed to DUI (driving under the influence as opposed to driving while intoxicated) which could cover driving while taking Tylenol even! It caused him to get a mandatory jail sentence of 28 days, and he could receive medical aid while detoxing. They knew he wanted to quit, but with the brain injury, it messes with his short term memory, and makes quitting harder than even normal. They thought with 28 days sobriety, maybe it would "take". It did, he has been sober for many years now. But it was hard, my parents both aged seriously, visiting their son in jail was not something they ever planned to do. But it was better than visiting him at the funeral home, or in prison from causing an accident that hurt someone else or killed him. Hard choices, but worth it. BTW Laura, I am sending you a PM with info on Gone4ever. She met up with you for the formula. She just got a cancer diagnosis, and is facing a really hard time. Another weekend of wood cutting coming up, then WE are done. Still have to haul for the in laws. NOT a happy subject with me. What's new??!!! DS had an accident today----he got ticketed, and he says it was not his fault, so guess he will fight it in court. Stressed us for awhile. Well I am off to bed. See you all soon.

I asked this question at my pre-op consult, and there is no medical reason why you cannot have alcohol. The only reason is that alcohol is empty calories and will go down pretty easy. Add that to the fact that your new stomach only carries a fraction of the food, and you'll be a cheap date pretty quickly. In fact, white wine and vodka are considered "clear liquids" as far as I was concerned... :crying: If you feel that you may substitute one addiction for another, then this is a personal decision. But my understanding is that there's no medical reason why not.

2MuchFun, Thanks for this video! I also watched the others associated with it and all I can say is: "Wow - lots of what's in there is counter to what I was told or read earlier". To summarize for others (and to explain my questions and concerns): There's no "pouch" that holds a meal. Instead the full feeling comes from many iterations of the espophagus squeezing food, bite by bite, through the band which signals satiety to the brain. Makes way more sense. Drinking during meals is fine, alcohol included. I was under the impression we were to wait 2 hours post meal to drink anything. 3 meals/day or less. Given that I'm supposed to get 1500 cals down, the only way I can see doing so when each should only include 1/2 cup of food is to supplement with Protein drinks and/or alcohol. If these vids aren't sticky'd, they should be (I didn't see them). Stuff like this is way more useful to me when I understand the what's, why's and how's. Beautiful! Thanks again!