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Making the decision to have weight loss surgery is a very big deal. It seems obvious to say that when someone agrees to weight-loss surgery they're desperate for help to change the way they're living, or not fully living their lives. Everyone goes into the procedure ready and willing to surgically alter their anatomy hoping for a better future. So why is it that so many will fall short of losing the optimal amount of weight for their health and will actually regain within 3 years much if not all of the weight they lost? Some studies say 1/3 of patients will regain most of their weight post-surgery. I think the number is actually higher because many people who regain simply fall out of contact with their bariatric surgeon and support staff because they feel ashamed, so the statistics do not include these people. So, why do most people regain the weight? What can you do to help insure that you will be one of the successful long-term losers of your excess weight? By examining why people fail you can create a plan for how you will succeed. The government agency, National Institutes for Health (NIH) defines weight-loss surgery as "merely a tool that helps people get a new start toward maintaining long-term good health. The surgery alone will not help someone lose weight and keep it off. Together with a reduced-calorie and low-fat diet and daily exercise, surgery will help an individual lose weight and maintain the weight loss.” Please read that a few times. That is how important this quote is! The surgery alone will not help someone lose weight and keep it off. We as weight-loss surgery patients have a history of seeking comfort, happiness and pleasure through food. We wouldn't be here if that weren't true. Me included. The process of surgically altering our anatomies does nothing to remove from us the tendency to seek comfort in familiar ways but assures there will be physical suffering if we do. Post-surgery we will still have the same brain that is used to comforting us with food, and we will still have the fingers and the arms that are used to lifting food to the same mouth to find comfort and pleasure. It is critically important that the WLS patient seek out new ways to soothe, comfort, and find pleasure in their world other than by eating. ONE main reason patients regain their weight is they search for ways to get around the surgery, still thinking of food as primarily a source of pleasure, not a source of fuel that can be pleasurable. This is often done relying on liquid calories, which may pass more easily, like high calorie coffee or juice bar drinks or alcohol. This is also done post-operatively by trying to maintain the presence of “trigger foods” in their lives. “Trigger foods” are often foods from the patient's past that helped cause obesity, do not satisfy hunger but instead create a craving. Many are high-calorie and highly processed, not nutritious. Trigger foods can include chocolate, chips, crackers, bread, cookies, ice cream, pudding, lattes, frapuccinos and alcoholic beverages. Really, any food can be a “trigger food” if there is so much pleasure in the “mouth-feel” or taste that repeating the pleasurable experience takes on more importance than actually feeding hunger. Very successful patients cultivate a mostly trigger-free post- surgical life. Bariatric surgeons and the NIH know the most common reason for regain and the most common post- surgical complication is “noncompliance.” Non-compliance is a fancy word that means the patient is not eating and exercising the way he/she agreed to before surgery. These people “talk the talk.” The successful patient “walks the walk” after surgery and changes how they eat and move. A SECOND reason people often regain beginning in the second or third year post-op is that the “honeymoon” is over. The “honeymoon” generally encompasses the first 12 to 18 months post- surgery. During this time many patients will say, "I could eat all the chocolate and ice cream I wanted and still lose weight. I didn't have to try and the weight just came off.” This is often true because the body has been through such a shock after surgery that it takes months for the body to reset itself and learn to function with its' new physiology. Patients who regain their weight often believe that this “honeymoon period” is the new way that it will always be and don't adopt healthy eating patterns. So when their “honeymoon period” ends as it will they believe that the surgery has somehow failed them. In reality they have failed their surgery! During the first 12-18 months post-op it is essential to develop healthy patterns around food and exercise. This is the time when it is actually easiest to do and to not do so wastes a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to begin a great new life with positive momentum. A THIRD reason many patients regain much of their lost weight is a lack of support. Humans are social animals and we desire and need the support of each other throughout our lives. For thousands, if not tens of thousands, of years people coming together as a family or a community over food has been a way we connect with each other. Post-surgery, when the patient isn't able to eat what others are eating or in the quantities others are eating, or others are eating their 'trigger foods”, life can feel very stressful and lonely. This can be compounded by being around unsupportive people or people who want to be supportive but don't know how. Patients fail by not surrounding themselves with supportive people in a safe environment where they also must be accountable for their actions and behavior with food and their bodies. It is key to have a community of professionals and non-professionals who understand the challenges and hardships faced by those carving a new life with a new anatomical structure. There are online and in-person support groups. Even patients who've gone abroad for weight loss surgery can often use the support services available with their local medical group's Bariatric department. Creating relationships that support and assist you in becoming a healthier person and that hold you accountable for making healthy choices are key. These are my top three. What would you add to this list? What plan will you create to deal with the items you add to this list? Who will support you on this journey of your life.....for your life?

I've worked in drug and alcohol treatment for the past 30 years, currently running a long term residential program for men returning to the community from the county jail. What has been amazing to me since I had my sleeve done 1/22/18 are the similarities between my emotions and thinking and those that client have expressed they struggled with early in their recovery. Acceptance is a b***h, whether it's acceptance of my addiction, acceptance of a medical condition or acceptance that my days of eating a 16 oz steak are over. There is a very old reference in AA's Big Book that goes once a pickle, never a cucumber again. I have told this to clients for 20 years but it didn't settle in for personally until yesterday when I was feeling resentful after seeing a burger king ad and realizing that I could never sit and eat the hamburger. I got angry and resentful and even told myself that it was ok to have piece of ham because I deserved it. Yeah, that entitlement lasted about 1 minute which is how long it took for me to throw up from the cramps I was having. I'm working on embracing/accepting my "pickleness" today. What I has seen over the years is that acceptance brings serenity.

O.T.R. hey guy "confession" - good for the soul??? I think so i know you knew you had to stop the overeating and all - but if it was so easy to do that , none of us would be here i think a slip like you had is inevidable for all/most of us sleevers we're like those "recovered" alcoholics - that always must say "i am an alcoholic", regardless if their better - they will always for considered an alcoholic well..........I'm a food addict - don't know if i feel better admitting that - but what i said it the truth if you/us don't admit we have a problem - how can we "fix" it????? i know/think it helps to speak about what you/me/us "did" you feel more accountable - you might not feel better immediately about admitting your goof , but it does help me for me its like getting a weight off my shoulder fessing up - even if its only "me" giving myself a good talking to when i "put it out there" its like i am making it official to myself/or you guys i now have told the world - so i go ahead and get back on that wagon if i don't get back to my new normal ways, i'm always afraid that one of you guys will kick me in the a sssss if i fall again I won't mention any names - this is just between laura-ven and myself!!!!oooops course a good kick in the butttt is never a bad thing you just gotta look harder now to find my buttttt don't be too hard on yourself - you don't deserve to beat yourself up anymore we'll talk next month at the "whats best" meeting!!!! i'm bringing an extra lrge Water bottle with your name on it!!! take care you are back on the road of success with your best friend and mine - The Amazing Sleeve

Widows Unite - Both my husbands are dead. I just found out last year, that my first boyfriend of (9years - he had commitment problems) was also dead. So every man I have ever loved is dead. What does that mean? Someone jokingly called me a Black Widow, I didn't think it was funny. In fact the thought has stayed with me, which isn't healthy. How have you moved on Carlene and Denise? I would love to have guy friends, but being a teacher for all these years I really didn't have that male contact. Yes, I raised my two 19 year old sons alone. It wasn't easy, but better than bringing men in and out of their lives. My first husband (divorced, but adoptive dad of my boys, alcoholic) died one year after my second husband, Ira (great love) died. The boys were 13. Hugs,

Thank you, Debbie. I really appreciate all the compliments, especially since I just had a birthday on Christmas Eve and am feeling soooooooooooo old! My DH couldn't wait to be eligible for "senior citizen" discounts. Trust me, I can wait. I'd rather pay full price any day. But to answer your question....it's taken some effort to maintain, but it's not been as bad as you might think. The trick is to NOT kid yourself. If you gain 5 pounds, they will shortly be followed by 15 more unless you make some changes. I had to stop buying Cheetos. I just can't have them in the house because I am helpless in the presence of crunchy Cheetos. I will eat the whole bag in a day, or two, if I'm really trying to be good...ha! The band will not make all your food choices for you. It makes some....I can't eat bread any more, and bread had a LOT to do with my weight. But ice cream and chocolate (and Cheetos) will still go down easily and in large quantities. So if you want ice cream, drive to the ice cream shop and buy a single dip. Do not buy a half gallon and bring it home, or you will eat that one and end up buying another. Soon you will realize just how much we have in common with alcoholics and drug users!

Hi Everyone - Indigo - thanks for the support. I think I am depressed, I just want to shake myself out of it. I have a number of systems to work through it along with medication, but know that what will make me feel really good is to stay with a good eating program for just today, then tomorrow, etc. It is like alcoholism, but you still have to eat. I liked the idea of no overt white sugar in the diet. I think that would help me reduce the "eat now or die urges." Well, I commit to a no sugar day, and I'll report tomorrow. Have a great Monday! Good bye mashed potatoes and gravy. Hugs, Michelle

Green I know I'm always popping in (and off) with advice and that must be pretty boring. But I have to concur with Gail regarding the pillows. If you prop yourself to a practically sitting position, it can work, but usually you wind up sliding down on one side or other and not truly having the head above the feet that you need. You need to be at a true slant, although it doesn't have to be so deep a slant that during your sleep you wind up falling off the foot of your bed. With acid reflux, the very best solution - and one that can change your life, big time - is to do what Gail suggested and raise the head of your bed. It is really the only long term answer, except of course for some drugs. I had to do the drugs and they didn't do as much for me as raising the head of our bed. Anyone who tells you that you can do it with pillows doesn't know what they're talking about. This from a woman who spent many a night sleeping sitting up in a recliner until the reflux calmed down. I don't blame you if you brush off the suggestion because I talk so much, but you can definitely trust me on this one. It's very important that you do it and get some relief. Btw, I'm sure I don't have to tell you that smoking really contributes to acid reflux. I see that your doc has told you about alcohol. What about chocolate? Yup that can too. The good news is that once you get it healed up nicely and learn what makes it worse, it isn't too difficult to take care of at all. Did your doc give you Prevacid or Prilosec? Very happy about your NSV with the restaurant prissy pot owner! Do the natives of Toronto treat fat people with as much disdain as the natives do in Montreal?

I consider myself one of the lucky ones! My parents left my siblings (eight of us) such a legacy and rich heritage. While raising us kids, they had no earthly riches except for music and a couple of old steam engines! They left their music and steam engines to 5 boys who play old time swing music (Dad) and rock and roll! All five of my brothers have boilerman licenses and know how to fire up those steam engines. Every other August we thresh, party, dance and rock and roll at our "Family and Friends reunion back in good ole Minnesota. Our children and our grandchildren and lifelong friends all try to make it from near and far including Nevada, Washington, Colorado and Massachusetts. Our life was rough too, my father was an alcoholic and died from IT and cigarettes. He quit both about 3 years before he died. I never doubted after I was a grown adult that my parents loved each and everyone of us kids more than they were ever able to put into words. I have to admit tho, I didn't feel like it sometimes when I was younger. That's when they were trying to do the best they could with what they knew. That's what I had to do too. I suppose I might have been a little better at parenting then they were but I sure made my mistakes along the way! I try to live by this little saying I ran across many years ago: Live so that when your children think of fairness and integrity, they think of YOU!

I'm with you, 100%. You can do it, and THIS is why I weigh every single morning. We may not LIKE to see the scale creep up a little, but a LITTLE, our three lbs, is MUCH easier to handle than getting on there and it's 8 or 10 lbs!!! I'd just crumple, I'm sure!!! LoL These little changes that we are discussing can make us or break us....all depending on whether we are adding a bite here and there or taking them away. Like you.....if it's there and something I like, I swear, it's like...'Hurry up and get it all eaten so it will be gone' Where in the HELL did thinking like that come from???!!!!!!! I don't know, but I am aware of it and know it is wrong, that does not mean it's easy to stop. One thing in my favor is I CAN and DO throw things away now. Prior to surgery......that wasn't something I did. You can do it.....so can I. Find a support group, just like an alcoholic, we need these meetings. I felt revived after the other night!!!

It's easy to make soups. Use unflavored or chicken flavored protein powder, combine with water or broth, and add soft cooked vegetables or lean meats. You can add even more protein with fat free greek yogurt. Spices to taste. The 14 day pre-op diet is to shrink your liver so it isn't in the surgeon's way. So the no fat, no sugar, and no alcohol part is very important.

I started back around the same time I started back ion solid foods.....like to have a glass of wine everyday....stronger drinks whenever we go out to dinner or parties.... I did wait about 2 years before I started back up with drinking beer...took me that long to fully understand how to listen to my band, and understand the little warning signals with anything carbonated...also did discuss it with my Dr who originally said no carbonation, but now I'm into it long enough to know how to do it safely.... Calories have never been an issue with me since being banded....alcohol can be bad for those who are following certain diet plans because the high calories.....

So my good friends wedding is tonight... I am now 18 days post op and I feel great. Food and liquid goes down easily with not much trouble at all. I was wondering if I should stay away from alcohol tonight... I'm not a drinker but I do have alcohol on special occasions like tonight. Should I sip some wine or completely stay away? Only one close friend knows about my surgery so I don't want all of my other friends to ask why I am not drinking. I know the alcohol hits faster after being sleeved and I know to be very careful with it... What does everyone think? I need some opinions.

Just checking in, thought I'd share my experience thus far... RNY surgery with hiatal hernia repair was May 11 at 1pm. I don't recall waking up until about 8pm... then the next thing I know it's 6am May 12. I was very tired/sleepy throughout May 12. My foley catheter was removed about 10am May 12 and I was waking and getting up to pee about every hour and a half. Apparently, the fluid drip I was on was quite a lot. I managed to eat a sugar-free popsicle, have a few bites of sugar-free jello, and a few sips of broth that day. My belly felt like I'd done a 1000 sit-ups! I was able to walk the hall about three times. Received dilaudid once and norco three times throughout the day. Also had an upper GI done: drank a little contrast while they took pictures... all good, no leaks. Sleep, sleep, sleep. May 13 I woke still feeling woozy, tired, and belly was still painful, but not too bad if I didn't move. Felt slightly more awake as the day went on. Had a SF popsicle and some SF jello. Still peeing every hour and a half! Went home about 1pm. Slept through most of the day, waking only for bathroom use and sips of clear protein drink (Protein2O from Costco.) Took total of four doses of norco throughout the whole day and managed a BM in the evening. Today, May 14, I feel alive again! Sipping Isopure coconut-flavored protein water with Crystal Light lemonade added, not bad. Took a norco this morning but that will likely be my last one. Belly only feels like I did 100 sit-ups now instead of 1000. Been wearing a "binder" since May 12 and have decided to wear it for at least the first week, though I was given no instructions about it. A few other comments about my journey thus far: have been using infant's simethicone antigas drops every six hours as instructed. Occasionally pass gas, occasionally burp. NO nausea at all during this entire experience, YAY! Was asked by the curious Nurse Practitioner if I drink alcohol much (I don't) because the anesthetic had such a surprisingly long effect on me. Apparently my body just isn't used to depressants and didn't clear it very quickly. And I'm not too worried about getting in an appropriate amount of liquids yet because just one look at my hands shows that I'm still full of the IV fluids they were pumping into me, LOL. Feeling optimistic!! (EDIT: Don't know why that QUOTE box is there at the beginning of my post.)

Without this surgery, I would have gotten even bigger. My blood pressure would be higher and I would have probably developed diabetes. My sleep apnea would have compounded everything. I have osteoarthritis in both knees and hips, so my ability to exercise was minimal. I am also an emotional eater. I could see myself sitting my couch watching TV with a big bowl of popcorn and a magnum full of wine, eating and drinking myself to oblivion, something I did every night. I would have become an alcoholic. I was, and still am a food addict. I would have lost my relationship with my boyfriend and isolated myself even more than I already was.

I was told by my NUT & Surgeon not to drink soda or alcohol that it stretches the stomach. My NUT told me I could have alcoholic beverages a year out as my surgeon told me to never drink it. So for me I just don't drink either of them. I'm 9 months out.

@Aginn10 MY tastebuds have not changed at all. I also gave up soda like 2 years before surgery, and it took me a really long time to do it, so I am pretty dedicated to not drinking soda. The only time I have something carbonated is with alcohol, but I don't really drink. I gave up alcohol a few years before surgery also. I did both in an effort to lose weight and be healthy, I wasn't thinking about WLS at the time. When I gave up sugar, alcohol and soda and still wasn't losing weight in large numbers that is one of the things that pushed me to surgery. Taste has nothing to do with not having it, carbonation just involves things that don't benefit me or my goals. If I am going to drink alcohol I have to change my macros and calories for 2 days, it isn't worth wasting the calories on alcohol I could spend on pork chops. I think of my calories as currency, alcohol is a poor value compared to meat. I love food, I'm a foodie. I eat lots of great and interesting stuff. I just refuse to waste calories. I was food snob before and I am more of a food snob now. I was a picky eater before, no leftovers, food has to be piping hot, my food can't touch. Tastebuds are unchanged. Lifestyle is changed.

I so want my substitute to be exercise. I know it won't be alcoholism. In the 60s I know what it would have been, but that was then and this is now. Stealing doesn't sound appealing....maybe compulsive shopping on ebay...... :-)

I was sleeved aug 13,12 I started 204 and today I'm 140 down 64 lbs! My average day is under 1200 cal. I can eat thick soups, salads, chicken, pork, fish. I don't do bread or pasta too good. I can't drink alcohol. If u like join my fitness pal and u can see a lot of sleevers and what they eat daily.

I am wondering about alcohol after surgery too... I enjoy having an occasional drink! Love to have a glass of wine every now and then. Has anyone tried wine?

My family, co workers and facebookers know. Everyone on my Facebook is MY family (no in laws) and a few closer friends. I have also told a few strangers in conversation (hence I accidentally met someone on this site inadvertently! Lol). However, I have ZERO intentions of telling ANY of my in laws. They don't care about me to begin with...cause I'm not their religion, I don't drink alcohol with them, I don't smoke, I don't party, cause I'm a BBW...so many reasons. I have only had 1 coworker say negative things...that it's not gonna work...she knows ppl that didn't change their habits, etc...she's the b!£€* of the office anyway, so...that's my story. I have 3 more months to wait.

I did well last week w/my eating (high protein, low carbs), fantastic water intake and no alcohol. It really paid off big time...I lost 10lbs in a wk. (I sound like an informercial:o ) My total lost is -11 for the challenge. 291/280/-11 Thanks

Good morning hopefulchurch. Welcome aboard. Yes, the liquid diet is hard to follow, but it can be done. Everyone here that has had the surgery did it and you can too. You just have to set your mind to it. Stay busy and when you think you are hungry, drink some water or something.(you will have to start that anyway) Since your surgery is friday, think about how exciting it is to be able to start a new kind of life. I promise you, that's what it is. Yes, food is an addiction and you can't quit it like alcohol or drugs, but you can set your mind to eat the right kinds of foods in the right amounts. That has to happen when you get the band with proper restriction. You have to be determined to do this in order for it to work. I'm sorry, I can't help with the mood thing. I was so excited to finally be approved and my surgery was scheduled so quickly after approval that I didn't get moody. I was on cloud nine , or was it ten? Anyway, just think about the outcome of this whole pre-op thing... you will have a band when it's over!!! When you start loosing, I feel like your moods will change. Don't think about how little you can have..think about how much you will be changing. Check the noscales.com web site and look for support group meetings. I think the next one is in Idabel. If you can attend those, they help with support that family can't give, cause they (family) don't always know what it's all about. Bansters do and they will help you in any way they can as far as support. And that's my sermon for the day. Have a good one! lisa

Hi: I think that those that are under 30 have more social committments and they go out alot more than older people. Because of this, they also have more occasions that can involve alcohol and food. Maybe I'm wrong. My doctor told me that his under 30 patients are less successful than the older patients. I can only assume this is based on his experience. You know the old saying about assuming, so I probably shouldn't make any assumptions. I think he and his partner have done about 300+ bands. Perhaps this is too small of a number to use as a base. There are probably more stats somewhere on this board that relate to this. They have a great support system and follow up at their group, so I would think that if the Under 30 group is less succesful it's not because of the effort made on the part of their practice. Maybe people in their 40's and 50's are in more of a hurry to get to their goal weight than someone in their 20's. I hope that everyone succeeds that gets banded. I love my band and my new flat tummy. Sue

My doc recommended sugar free Popsicles to help hydrate post op but I've found that most brands have sugar alcohol in them. I stopped eating them yesterday and gas pains have been greatly reduced. ( sugar alcohols cause gas in many people) If you are recently sleeved, eating SF Popsicles and can't get rid of gas, sugar alcohol may be contributing to some of it. It seemed to be for me.

I will forever be diligent and a bit obsessive to keep my weight in line. It's not up to me to rescue other people. I can only rescue myself. This is so much like Alcoholics Anonymous...Nothing worse than a recovering obese person..lol I try not to come off as judging or preaching . I realize that my enthusiasm level may not be everyone's enthusiasm level..*laughing at myself*