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lots of us take Miralax. Some people take magnesium pills or drink Smooth Move tea. Just experiment with different treatments and combos of treatments and see what works for you. Just keep on top of it. You can get badly backed up fast!

The fasting coach will probably not be a good stand alone tool. I've gained some weight and struggle to take it off. I'm fours years out. One of my tools is to fast. I fast 12 hours a day. I'm trying for the 36hrs 2x a week but that's a tall order. The point is, you will need to combine tools and not just depend on one. The surgery option is a good one combined (later on ) with the fasting option. As you've stated before you have achieved great success only to digress back to your starting weight. Weight Loss Surgery(WLS) is a great tool to "jump start" your weight loss but it is no means a stand alone tool. After 8-12 months we begin to revert back to , as I say being mere mortals again. No longer are we able to lose weight while sleeping or just by being alive. Our weight loss superpowers are gone. It now, takes a mindful and consistent maintenance program. This is where fasting, exercise, being conscience of what we eat and how we really changed our lifestyle during the first 8- 12 months. WLS is a great tool but it is not the golden bullet to lifelong weight lose and health stability. I'd say, go with the WLS, get that big jump start, start a mindful maintenance program consisting of many tools. Good luck to you and I wish you the best of health.

My first reaction to the fasting option was sustainability. Can you sustain such an eating plan for the rest of your life? Because losing weight & keeping it off is a lifetime behavioural change. Personally, I fasted for most of my high school years. No breakfast, no lunch, 4 multi grain crackers for afternoon tea & a healthy dinner nothing else all to try to maintain my weight. Did it work? No! I put on almost a stone every year & I was way more active then too. All it did was kill my metabolism. The sustainability aspect was the game changer for me. I can follow any restrictive diet for a few weeks or months & did many, many times. But as soon as I reached the weight loss goal I gave myself or when the diet became too hard to continue, I’d just go back to eating how I did before & start gaining again. As some posters above have said weight loss surgery is a tool. If you use it, take advantage of the benefits it affords & make changes to how you eat, what you eat & understand why you eat you can be successful in losing weight & maintaining. The time before surgery & after while you are losing are the time to work through the answers to the what, why & how you eat & to begin establishing new behaviours. Don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist & a dietician. Just make sure the changes you make are sustainable & will complement your lifestyle & how you want to live your life. It’s something you will have to do forever. I am biased though, the surgery has been a successful experience for me. From deciding to have surgery to actually having the surgery was a very short period - less than two months from GP referral to theatre (much easier process here in Australia though). Don’t know if I would have gone through with it if I had to undergo 1-4 years of pre requisite steps & approval processes. I’d choose the shortest & quickest path forward. Though you know yourself best & know how much support you will need. But it is your decision. Good luck whatever you choose to do.

Hello, Over the course of October I will meet with three different medical professionals to choose a weight-loss option. First I will meet with a coach from The Fasting Method. She specializes in Fasting regimens and Behavioural Therapy. The cost is around $1000 for 4 online coaching sessions and an online support group. Most of the fasting I will do myself and will need a lot of determination to stick to the 36-hour fasting protocol they recommend. Next, I have a consultation with a surgeon at a private clinic. The cost will be 14,000 for a gastric sleeve and the surgery would be completed before the end of the year. They provide all of the medical services for surgery plus 3 months of nutrition counseling and medical follow-up at 1 month, 3.5 months, and 1-year post-op. They also have an online facebook support group. Finally, I have an appointment with a new General Practitioner who could provide me with a referral to a bariatric clinic within a hospital. This process would be covered by the province if I were accepted into the program. However, the process could take several years (1-4 years) before I received the surgery. Yet they would provide the most support both before and after surgery in order to be successful. I am really unsure of which option is best for me and I wonder if other people might have insight into what could work for them knowing what they know now. The first option, fasting, I have tried on my own and was successful for 8-12 months but gained all the weight back and then some. The second is the quickest way to put in place a permanent tool that I will have to use on my own to lose weight. It is also the most expensive. The third option would provide me with a lot of support and I think I probably do need some type of talk therapy. I'm expecting this surgery and the dramatic weight loss to be like an emotional rollercoaster for me. However, I do not have many obesity-related complications just yet (such as diabetes, hypertension, etc.) although my BMI is around 40. How much support did you need? Which option would you choose knowing what you know now?

Missy Moo, it's a phenomenon that can happen with the sleeve. Too much, too fast, or too "other" for the stomach to handle and your body lubricates your esophagus, and the food slides right back up and out, causing retching. There's a more tech definition, but that's what happened to me.

Craving sushi? You likely will not be able to tolerate your favourite sushi rolls because of the rice and seaweed wrap, however there are several other equally satisfying options on every Asian-style restaurant menu to consider. Indulge in an order of tartar or sashimi. These rice-less options are easier to digest. Don’t be afraid to ask if your favourite sushi rolls can be made with a cucumber wrap instead of the traditional seaweed wrap. This is often a ‘low carb’ option on sushi menus. Order a side of edamame beans. These soybeans are not only a good source of protein, but they are also rich in fibre. Try a protein rich Asian soup. Asian-style restaurants often have a traditional soup with eggs, tofu, chicken, and/or shrimp. Prioritize the solid pieces and leave most of the broth behind. Salmon or tuna salad. Most sushi restaurants have a simple green salad with a seared piece of fish and a flavourful salad dressing. Sandwiches & Wraps· Choose a sandwich on toasted bread. If it is a large sandwich, remove the top piece of bread. Great options include: chicken salad, egg salad, tuna salad and deli meats. Wraps are also a good option. Opt for baked chicken rather than crispy chicken. Breakfast egg sandwiches Choose a breakfast wrap or a toasted english muffin sandwich. Skip the bacon and sausage. Salad Almost all restaurants now have a green salad with chicken. Again, opt for grilled chicken instead of crispy chicken. Other high protein options include: taco salads, chickpea salads and bean salads. Chili Whether you choose the vegetarian or meat version, chili packs a lot of protein. They are also very easy to digest making them the perfect option if you have recently transitioned to solid food. Here are some other helpful tips to challenge those old fast food habits: Skip the combo option… yes, even if it’s cheaper! Don’t order a drink. You will be less tempted to drink and eat at the same time if you don’t have a refreshing beverage staring you down during your meal. Eat in the restaurant instead of in the car. If you are driving and eating, food is more likely to block. You can’t be mindful if you are multitasking! Choose foods described as: grilled, baked, sautéed, broiled, steamed, boiled, etc. more often. These cooking methods are lower in calories. Many corner stores and gas stations now have ‘grab and go’ options in their fridges such as sandwiches, salads, protein shakes, yogurt parfaits, etc. Next time you get gas, make a mental note of 3 appropriate meal options you could choose if you were in a pinch. Bon appétit!- Lisa & Monica

@ Chrysalis77 Thank you for asking this question and posting your Nut's answer. I have thought this question many times as I will be going back to work as a teacher very fast after surgery. 1/2 time at first... shakes would make the transition much easier. Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

I am exactly 2 weeks post op today. I am feeling great! My incisions are so small and look really good. I got to start on full liquids on Sunday and have over a week left on this stage and I'm already sick of full liquids already. I typically have 1 protein shake each day than try to get at least 40 more oz. of water in. I should try to up that some. It isn't difficult for me to drink it's just A LOT of fluids. I have finally started to get some restriction on creamy soups. I am finding that I am eating too fast. I have started stopping and taking a break and I find after a couple of minutes that I am full and don't want the rest. Slowing down when I'm eating is going to be a huge adjustment for me! As far as weight loss goes, it has really slowed down for me. Last week I was at 171 and this morning I was at 167.4. So, that's a 3.6 lb loss for the week. The last 4 days I haven't lost anything. I know it will happen, I am just being my usual impatient self. I have heard of the 3 week stall, but I think I hit a 10 day stall. Lol. Honestly, I am going to have to be realistic and look at my journey on a monthly basis and to be honest, I would be pretty happy with an 11 lb loss for the month, so I shouldn't complain about a 4 day stall.

The 4cc band is the older platform and I don't really know anything about the "vicinity" of your sweet spot in that band. I would suggest the same thing to you as I do anybody....track every bite you put in your mouth. Aim for at least 60 grams of Protein and about 1000 calories. I would also recommend another visit to your doc's office for a fill. Even if they ultimately decide you don't need one, I think the review of your circumstances and discussion you can have with the staff should help as well. I'm in a 10cc band, filled to 6ccs. I do get stuck, but it's usually "user error" in that it usually happens at night when I have really gone too long since last eating and eat a bit too fast. I'm having to work on that behavior.

About a year and a half ago, in a week's time, I went from having shoulder length hair to none at all, including my eyelashes and eyebrows. It was TERRIFYING. I had hair loss before (diagnosed alopecia) but never that much, that fast. Needless to say, I am freaking out at the idea of losing hair with this surgery. I don't ever want to have to regrow my hair through the mullet phase again, because that was rough. What helped me a lot (I refused shots from the derm, hair isn't worth 100 needles to the head) was Nioxin shampoo and conditioner and scalp treatment, I believe I use #4. I also took a prenatal Vitamin because of the hair, skin, and nails benefits. A volumizing shampoo and/or hairspray might also help, so that your hair appears fuller, even if it isn't. Try not putting your hair up or pulling on it too harshly, because that might loosen the already-offended hormone and then your hair might jump shift faster. Everyone is different. Trial and error might be your best bet, but a lot of people I've talked to said that their hair loss is minor (compared to what it could be) and only noticed by the person losing the hair. Good luck! If I've learned anything this year though, it's that hair almost always grows back!

I am one week out from RNY and I am doing great. No pain in last 5 days. Tolerating all fluids well. Feel a little twinge of pain if I go above 3/4 cup. I was on full liquid pudding/soups etc.. the day after surgery before discharge. I have been on the full liquid diet for 7 days. Every hospital is different but the next step for me is soft diet in another week and then lifetime diet two weeks later. So here is the question. How fast did people advance to the soft diet (eggs, ground meats, seafood, canned fruit and veg etc...) I am thinking about starting at the 10 day mark (4 days early). As I said I am tolerating everything really well. I have lost 28lbs since pre-op diet (my pre-op diet was 1000 calorie diet of solid foods). 14 since surgery on 11/29.

OMG...I just learned a valuable lesson. Do not drink your protein shake toooo fast. I guess I was going back to my old ways and I didn't realize how fast I was drinking, not until the shoulder pain kicked in. Well 2 hours later I am feeling better but believe me I will slow down from now on.

OMG...I just learned a valuable lesson. Do not drink your protein shake toooo fast. I guess I was going back to my old ways and I didn't realize how fast I was drinking, not until the shoulder pain kicked in. Well 2 hours later I am feeling better but believe me I will slow down from now on.

Lettuce compare bad dates ( NOT the fruit) Current mood:Sylvan Category: Blogging So, before I get started I have 2 important announcements: 1) - Our newest blog friend, Misbehaving ( I assume everybody has met MB and read his blogs? M, I'm talking to you.....don't be shy......he writes good stuff) pointed out that I've totally ignored my tradition of dedicating a blog to the newest kid on the block, so to speak. This blog is dedicated to you, MB (although the "honor" may be a little dubious). 2) - This blog has been blatantly inspired by MB's latest. Ciss kinda went into it in her comments, and I realized that the story has to be told. In all of its ugliness. To really understand how I got into this mess, everybody needs to understand 2 things about me ( side note- Is this "2 things" a recurring theme? I don't know, my friend.....I don't know): I have trouble telling people "no", and I'm waaaaay too nice. I understand your skepticism, but it's true. The "dog-eat-dog" atmosphere of Atlanta High School was so oppressive, that I had gained a reputation as a "really nice guy" (no better way to get laid in high school, right? yeah) by doing nothing more than NOT insulting people to their faces. Apparently I'd also, by my junior year, captured the attention of a senior lass (Her name is ****). Her father and my father were......not good friends, exactly, but......they knew each other really well. Throughout the year I had avoided going to ****'s Halloween party ( She told me "I'll be wearing a toga"), ****'s Thanksgiving party ( "We're gonna play seven minutes in Heaven"....I didn't know what that was, but I didn't like the sound of it), and ****'s Christmas & New Year's parties ( I knew all about the hazards of mistletoe and 12:00). Spring was rolling around fast, though, and so was prom season. At my house, hints were getting dropped that **** wanted to ask me to her prom. This was an actual conversation: Dad: "I saw Jerry ***** today." Me: "Really." Dad: "He said his daughter thinks you're a fine young man, and so does he" Me: "........." Dad: "He thought you might be a good date for her prom. She's cute." Me: "Dad, she's kinda ugly" Dad: "........." (sending out silent, powerful waves of disapproval) The very next day at school, **** cornered me and asked me to the prom. It was a little awkward, because we almost never spoke. I hemmed and hawed, but for every half-excuse I gave, she had a comeback (I cracked under pressure and couldn't think of a iron-clad excuse. Besides, I was trying to give her the opportunity to save some face, but she was having none of it). Finally, she administered the coup-de-grace: "I've already bought the tickets, and there's nobody else to go with...PLEASE?" Prom time. Everybody parked their cars at the high school and boarded a chartered bus to go to the big city of Texarkana. The whole ride down (about 45 mins) was incredibly awkward and silent. I didn't have any friends in the SR. class of 1987, and I didn't know squat about my date. Since it was a chartered bus, the chaperones were not exactly vigilant about screening for alcohol, and everybody was drinking like a fish (except.....somebody forgot to give me the memo. And I could have used a stiff drink). All throughout the night, I fought off a tipsy, dry-humping **** who was trying to kiss my neck. At one point, my date told me "You ought to take off your shirt and just wear your jacket and bowtie".....(WTF?!?). I declined. It was a looooooooong dance. The bus ride back was even worse. It was very dark, and the slobbery sounds of kissing seemed to be preternaturally amplified. I stared straight ahead, thinking how much of a good-night kiss I'd have to pony up to avoid being talked about. At this point, **** takes my arm, puts it around her shoulder, and for good measure, down the front of her dress. So now I've got a handful of boob (Another sidebar....as a commited boob man, that part wasn't so bad. It was just a little unexpected). It was time to man up and take one for the team, so I made out with her. Just for a little while. When the bus arrived back at the high school, **** and I went to my car (unluckily, like MB, it had bench seats. Because I'm a quick, quick learner, I planted my right hand firmly on the steering wheel). **** leaned over and breathlessly wispered "I don't have to be back anytime. My parents trust you....we can do anything you want.....". What I wanted to say was "Ok, then.....we're off to find some hot chicks". Instead, what came out of my mouth was "Er.....It's already a little past my curfew.....I have to go home". I thought that would get my point across. Wrong. **** was incredibly unfazed, saying "....Well, call me tomorrow and we can do something then". Wow.......I didn't call. Every so often for the rest of the year, My dad would ask if I'd seen **** around, or had heard from her. I would just look at him in stony silence. He got the message. Years later, Ciss and I saw **** at the local Super Wal-Mart ( the social nexus of Cass County) going grocery shopping. **** was loading her buggy up with frozen entreees. "Hmmmmm", said Ciss, "Dinner for one, ****?" It was the best and meanest line I had heard in a long time.

Marissa, it is true that the lapband is more difficult to lose than the bypass. You need to know this. I'm only down 37 lbs in 8 months. My surgeon told me that 30% of your total weight loss is expected in the first year. I am moving along fine but you need to know this. That is why he is trying to persuade you. Everyone is different. You may be a fast loser. I have seen people lose 70 lbs in the same amount of time it took me to lose 40. I hope it goes smoothly for you. Good luck.

I am going into this surgery feeling that whatever eds feeling are , are agrivation over getting something done that i am just going to fail at. yet another thing in my life that i will fall on my face and he will have to be there to pick up the pieces or to throw up his hands and say that is "enough i have had it and i am correct in saying so because of all the situations that i have obviously gone thru with her. I am correct and justified in my decision and anyone would come up with the same solution." there is no caring no encuragement no helpfullness, just aggrivation that his day has to be interupted by someone or something else other than what he wants to do. if we are driving somewhere and the person in front of us is going to slow, it is not because he is driving to fast, it is because the person infront of us is an idiot. how dare they interupt his plan or goal or direction of travel. he has love and kindness and understanding for everyone else in the world but me. yes he loves me yes he cares about me, "he told me that on the day we were married, why the hell would he have to show it or tell me that any more. I told you once already, and i dont need to be bothered with showing or telling you that unless i deem it necessary or proper in the current situation." Maybe ed was given to me to teach me to tuffen up. to stop having so.... no goddamnit no. why do i have to be the one that is wrong, why do i have to be the one that is to clingy or needy. why am i the one that always makes the wrong decisions. I have supported every goddamn decision he has ever had that has put us further and further into debit. if there is money available than that is what must be done with it. there is no reason to save up for anything. i want it and i am going to buy it. and since no one has a good enough reason, and no you cant doesnt count, i am going to get what i want with no respect to anyone around us. And if all our money is not taken care of properly than we have to get raging mad because i am so stupid i cant even handle money. I dont know what i can handle any more. i am such an emotional person and have such outward emotions and he is so hard uncaring swift to anger and judgemental. he has no patence for me so i am wrong and there is no time in his life or schedual for someone who is wrong, so he gets mad. And that is what i am left with. I just love him. I see all the good things in him but all i get is the short temper the lack of patence and the feeling from him that all i do is never good enough. how can i get over dealing with his emotions when he means so much to me. he can hurt me so much and act like he doesnt have the time or want to care about my reaction, if it does not fit into his schedual. I am sitting here typing and soon he is going to say something to me in an exasperated tone about me getting up and doing the things that i need to do before i have this goddamn unnecesary surgery that he is against and has no patence for because it does not fit into his ideals of how to handle the situation. all you need to do is eat better and excersize. I am not a mean or vendictive person, that is not who i am or who i want to be, but the eating right and excersizing thing has worked real fucking good for you hasnt it. you have not even been on the treadmill or that goddamn weight machine in god knows how long. But dont do as i do, do as i tell you to do, that is all that matters. And if you have any questions about what i just said than re read it again. now get out of my way because i have no more patience for you and you are an idiot for speaking to me and taking up all my time with this stupid nonsence that i have no interest in since it is not on my agenda. you are taking up my time that i do not wish to waist on you by listening to your nonsencical bull shit. If i feel like it is worth my time or effort i will be plesant to you and interested in what you are doing, so untill you see those emotions there is no reason for you to be speaking to me or bothering me because i will only be irritated and bothered and i have no time for you or that in my day. if such time should arrize that i feel that what you have to offer is interesting you shall be acnollaged with kindess and interest. If i do not wish to be bothered by you and what you are offering ends up to be of interest or value to me it is to be treated as a fluke, a situation that does not repeat itself, an off beat chance and nothing more. You will be informed when i feel it is necessary to inform you that you are loved or needed or valued or thanked for whatever reason or situation that i deem neccessary to do so. Untill then you are of no interest to me and you should not bother me with your trivial shit. And do not take politeness as interest because my politeness only lasts a few seconds with you and if you cannot convey what ever useless bullshit you wish to convey in a very brief amount of time, then you will be instructed that what ever the hell you are doing is boring or unimportant or worse waisting my time and you should stop and leave before i get angry. and further, if there are any accomplishments that i have done they should be recognized with joy and praise. any firther emotions i do not wish my time waisted on. any deviation from said stated is not allowed.

I am one day out from surgery, and I feel great for someone that had surgery less than 24 hours ago. I won't say I'm feeling no pain, but I am feeling a lot less pain than I had thought I would, so that's good. Everything went great, the dr. found a small hiatal hernia while he was in there and fixed that as well. I struggled a little at first upon waking up. I think they just had me up so fast to go do the swallow xray. Also I got these shakes/shivers from the anestesia, she put some demerol in my IV and I was good about 15 min. later. I felt like a new person and couldn't wait to come home. I came home about 630 last night, surgery was at 1. I didn't need the recliner, I slept in my bed and even on my side. Today I am doing my drinking every 15 min. trying to figure out if I am getting the right amount of protien. By the time I left for the hospital yesteray, I was real calm, I had felt good about my decision, put the naysayers out of my mind. When they came and got me to change into my 'designer hospital gown' I got a little nervous and cried a little when they made me say good by to my husband and daughter. I remember waking up with 2 thoughts on my mind: 1) am I supposed to be awake? LOL and 2) Yipee it's over!! I'm on the other side now and banded!

and you can take almost anything and puree it into a liquid...I rememeber making tacos for my husband when I was on the soft pureed stage. I took some of the taco meat, cheese, salsa and refried bean and whirled it around. It was delicious, taco soup and filled me up. chicken or tuna salad can be blended....you can also add the chicken flavored unjury to soups to up to the Protein content. Its like adding chicken broth to any soup, doesn't change the flavor that much. I lived on Wendy's chili at the time(now I rarely eat it) Luckily my surgery was done in a January and its cold. We had many soups for a couple of weeks. I bought a soup cookbook to experiment with different ones (though I'm a helluva soup maker) I made heartier ones for my husband and blended mine. I love french onion, tomato, minestrone and creamy chicken for the fast ones. I love making homemade potato, broccoli and cheese, minestrone. A steak and potatoe soup would be really good blended up.

Onehotmomma....that's one hell of a year you have had...so sorry for all the stress. As ISA stated...get back on the horse now...don't wait for that fill. Make a plan for yourself and don't let other's eating fast food or whatever get you off track. Respectfully ask others to not have your "trigger" foods available to you. Hopefully your fill will make a difference for you. Getting back on plan, maintaining your band will hopefully bring some calm back in your life.

I'm a stress eater and the past year has been been nothing but stress and no insurance so no fills... a little history.. I was Banded 1/6/10 I was doing GREAT was loosing so well I didn't have my first fill until 8/10 and thats where things went to hell...ever since then i've been able to eat more and eat stress foods...BAD foods. the stressed....We moved from NJ to RI, which was something we had wanted for years got here and the family that wanted us here well didn't really it was just something they were saying to be nice and a marriage that was already having troubles got driven apart and my husband and I divorced. We have now moved 4 times since July 08 and all that has lead to a ton of fast food and stress eating. Life has calmed down a bit we are in our home now with my girlfriend how ever we are doing nothing but gaining together... i've gained 50.7 back I had lost a full 100lbs!!!:smile2: I need some tough love to help me get back on my feet and back to living life again. I will finaly have insurance in December and am already making calls to doctors to get a fill. I want to feel like I did post op NOT HUNGRY!!! Thanks for listening

Hi All: This is my first post and I am really glad to be here. I went to my first info session in March and already have my surgery date. I am so happy that I have Oxford insurance since it does not require the 6 month waiting period. I could have had my surgery this month but I will have it at the end of June as I am taking a birthday trip to Italy. I just want to have fun on that trip. I am working with Dr Kurian at NYU medical and she seems to be really great. Everything has gone smoothly so far with all of my pre-op visits (although the waiting room is way to crowded). I have decided not to tell almost anyone that I am having the surgery because I don't know if they will be supportive or feel like I have finally really failed at losing weight. It is way to easy for people to be judgemental so I will wait to tell them when I have lost enough weight to notice. I am really exicited about the surgery (ok, well maybe the time after the surgery). I look forward to sharing this experience with all of you.

I use the baritastic app to help me track everything. It is really helpful. I’ve lost 37 total since 6/7/2021, but only 20 since surgery on 6/22/21. I’ve lost a lot of inches. I’m down 1 pants size and 2 shirt sizes. I just don’t feel like I am progressing as fast as others and it scares me

I don't chew my food well at all I'm still kind of a piggy that way. I have paid the price for it a few times, but otherwise it hasn't seemed to affect me too much. I still also eat way too fast.

Hi everyone, It's been a while since I've posted, largely because I've been pretty busy enjoying my new life. But Lately I've been a bit worried that I may be on the edge of losing too much weight! I just stepped on the scale and weighed in at 198. I peaked a few years ago at 380 and my surgery weight was 351 this past May, so eight months ago. That is over 150 pounds lost in eight months! I had been feeling pretty good with good energy. But I had some knee surgery (which I had previously written about in this forum) a couple weeks ago and am now in a pretty poor state of mind. I'm sure it is a combination of painkillers and general post-surgical lethargy and depression from sitting all day, but man do I feel weak. I feel like a bag of bones with a lot of gross saggy skin! Should I be concerned tht I've lost too much too fast? How do I slow this down? I still can't eat anything to speak of. For example today I had a single serve container of Greek yogurt with fresh blueberries for breakfast, a 16 oz. bowl of chicken soup for lunch and two squares of pizza for dinner. I had a snack of three triscuits and a slice of cheese. Most days I also have a protein shake but am out today. I literally can't eat more than this. Anyone else been here? Anyone have any suggestions on how to slow this train down? I can't get out to the dr. until I have this cast removed and am approved to drive, probably another three weeks or so.

Omg I cannot believe how time is flying so fast! Next Wed is the big day and Im getting so nervous. I keep running all the what if's through my head, driving myself crazy. I wish I could just snap my fingers and be calm.....sigh