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I know I'm behind but better late than never, right? Phyl, do you have a dentist you go to in Mexico? After lap-band down there, I bet you would be able to find a good one. And the "watch dogs" joke was very cute. Charlene, the pool is a great way to exercise. I got 45 minutes in today and I really can feel it. That's nice of you to cook for your Mom. Glad she appreciates it too. You are quite inspiring walking in all that heat and humidity. Great/Charlene I must have missed the post about the epidurals and weight gain, but my sister gets those and she's gained quite a bit of weight. I think there are more factors involved than the epidurals. Those shots have helped her a lot...she's able to move and do thing and she's not just sitting around. Lori, congrats to your DS!!! And yes, we have monsoons every summer...humidity and heat this year but very little actual rain. We are a desert, we get most of our rainfall in the winter and summer. Winter rains and monsoons. It's usually humind (30% or so) July and August. Jessica, you can do it...it will not be easy, but it's totally up to you and there is no reason not to get through school. I think your pink hair is cute, but yes, it may not be the right impression to start with. Don't let your MIL put you down in any way. Smile and say, "I'm capable of this, it may be hard, but I will do it". And you will. Laurak, I want to work up to 5 miles. Not there yet, but I will be by the end of September. That's cool you have the rail trail. I love those. Janet, you are lucky to color your own...my always looks like crap when I do it, that's why I have a professional do it now. I may have to go back and have him fix the color. I really don't like it right now. Hope it fades. For electrolites, one product that I like a lot is Electro Mix byAlacer Corp. They make Emergen-C. The Electro mix is sugar free, calorie free, sodium free but has potassium, magnesium, manganese, calcium, chromium and is lemon-lime flavored. Julie, good for you in throwing away the sweets and the exercise. It's going to help in so many ways. So the trip to Bismark really does take some time. You are a good mom and grandmom. Okay it's 11 and I have to sleep. Hopefully more tomorrow. Sister is here from Phoenix and is expecting her son to arrive with moving truck, so no promises. Her son is going to graduate school here in Tucson. Janet, 45 minutes pool today. More work tomorrow. 37 working days. Eva

I agree with Ocotillo - You are doing a great job. Lab Band Talk helped me so much in the begining and still does. You should read alot of the post from the begining of this thread or read several topics and post and many are good at posting back. Oh my name is Melissa and I am in year 3. I have had ups and downs and some slips but it is always a learning process and I can say that this year has been alot better for me ecspecially these last couple of months when I really started refocusing on why I got the band to begin with. I started doing so sort of excersing each day and eating more Protein and more importantly following my Drs orders. (I was very lazy this past year with eating , and excersing and paid the price with weight gain) But I am losing now that my head is in place. If you are having problems with a choking feeling I would call your Drs office. You might be to tight if you have had fills. Or you might be eating to fast. Sometimes if I am to hungry and eat something to fast it always comes back to bite me. You could try drinking Protein shakes for a couple days then try eating again taking small bites and still see if you have that same issue. However if you have that same feeling while drinking shakes I would call you Dr right away.

Morning.......... I decided to chance a bath this morning.. Didn't use too much water so it didn't cover my incision.. One little part is still weeping a bit.... But, oh, did the soak feel good... A shower is refreshing, but I love to sit in the bath and relax...... So, bath accomplished... I feel pretty good.... Had a long day yesterday and need to regroup a bit today... Doing dishes, planning supper and ironing my DD bridesmaid dress for Saturday wedding is what's on my work list for today.. Should be able to get that done.. Apples, love your menu.... BBQ's spare ribs is about my favorite meal.... But DH isn't that fond of barbeque sauce, so don't do it too often... I may do ribs and kraut for supper... He loves that... and I like it, too... Now, the homemade rolls would be my downfall... I love bread and fresh homemade smeared with real butter.... Oh, I'm in heaven....... Glad I'm not there today.. I'd be cheating!!!! I totally hear you about losing a freezer... It's such a mess and what to do with the things that don't save well...... We lost our garage refridgerator a couple weeks ago... The stuff in the freezer part belonged to our other daughter, so no big loss as she didn't take it when they moved... But the extra fridge space is sorely missed... We are looking for a replacement, but just want something old and cheap!!! I have a spare freezer just sitting empty you could use if you were a lot closer!!!LOL!!!.......... Anyway, good luck... You'll be fine and those butts just need to stay out of your way!!!!! Laura, I'm thinking your weight gain has more to do with other things than food... Just wait it out and you'll be fine... If, I suffer with your problem sometimes, but a generic stool softener from Wal-Mart does the trick for me... You'll have to find what works for you.... Well, off to my chores... Everyone have a wonderful day.... TTYL.............. Julie

Wow! Quick fly-by. Laura and Arlene, hugs on the pb's. Weight gain is usually responsible for the difficulties. I know Kashi would make me pb. I can't do grains. I'm surprised after the very strong post on carbs that I didn't get any pms. Of course, I'm not sure I'd get notified or be able to find them. LOL. I have this thread listed as my favorite and go right to this and nothing else on LBT. Some people just take themselves too seriously and are too sanctimonious. They need to get a life then maybe they'd have something to post about. Gotta go to choir. CBL Cheri

You know that you struggle with emotional issues of confidence & esteem that comes with being fat. But you may not know that you could be what are called as an avoider. This is due to the turmoil that comes with public & private dislike for obesity and you avoid confronting your situation at because of the fear of not being able to beat it. Here is how an avoider thinks – once you deviate even slightly from a diet or healthy eating you figure you might as we drop the whole thing – this stars a cycle that avoider can’t find a way out of – We are fat we try to lose weight we deviate just a little we feel rejection for the perceived failure we isolate ourselves from people we stop talking about it, we stop the diet we eat a pound of candy – we get fat then we try to lose weight and the cycle continues Instead of avoiding bad foods avoider tend to want to avoid other things like the people who want to help them and the disciple of trying to eat healthy. Avoiders try to separate themselves from these 2 strong emotion associated with dieting. The minute you ban any food from your diet you are setting yourself up for failure. If you eat half a cookie or a couple of fires from that banned food list – the diet is dead and that’s where the guilt sets in and now you feel that you lack the strength to succeed. This shame spins you back into the cycle of avoidance When you reach an obstacle you decide that instead of trying to find a way around it you might a well turn around and go back to the beginning – four fry’s leads to a handful then the whole bag. One way to handling emotional eating is you live & eat in the now – not being upset about what you are in the past and not obsessing about what you will eat in the future. The very thing that’s designed to help people lose weight is the very thing that promotes this harder – diets promote the all or nothing mentality. In our lives we allow for a margin of error – which we should also do when trying to eat healthy – if you are eating 1000-1200 calories a day – allow for some of those calories to be used for a little bit of something you really want - you need wiggle room in your diet to make it work – the all or nothing practices has to be thrown our of your mind. You can learn to reprogram your mind to strip away the guilt that comes with dieting. You have to realize that it’s not that the first slice of cake that will doom your diet – it’s the second or third or whole thing that leads to weight gain. You have to listen to your body & respond smartly to your cravings and emotions but over time you will learn how to eat right and mange your craving and that’s when you’ll train your brain to stop obsessing about eating right and punishing yourself – If you stop overthinking you’ll stop over eating..

GREAT... I had a big weight gain, too. Surgery on Tues... when I got weighed on the Wii on the following Monday morning I was way up. Can't remember how much... but I think it was about 10 lb. But next Monday it was gone, following Monday about another 6 lb gone. It's not only the IV fluids, but your leg is quite swollen and lots of Water weight in that entire leg that you are not aware of. Trust me... it will drop off, probably in about another week. The more you move and exercise, the more the swelling will go down. CPM machines... (continuous passive motion) some doctors use them, others don't.. I didn't have that either. And they tried to put TED hose on me but my feet are small and my calves to big, so they had one on that leg but it fit so poorly that they took it of and left it off. I did have those little pumper things on my feet the first two days. Yes.... do contact your doc about the faintness/dizziness. Your blood count was low... BP low, you may need a transfusion.

Good Morning.... I feel like a broken record...cold and dank and windy here again today. Low 20's during the evening and early morning. 29 right now and hoping to get up to 40. But, Janet, I bet your 50's for you is a lot colder than our low 20's. I have a wake and funeral (friend's father passed away) and got my black wool coat out and boots to wear to the funeral/burial. Have a safe trip and, again, so sorry about your sister. Hope you are able to have a good visit with her. Hugs. Not easy. Arlene...good going on getting to water exercise even though it is chilly. Hope that book you are reading helps you to get rid of the "Munchie Monster". You should say goodbye to him altogether. When I think back to my weight gain stage, that Munchie Monster was on my back full time. Thought he was my friend but he was the devil. I shut the door to him from the onstart of my weight loss stage. He had to go...I couldn't have him in my life. He was abusive and he could not longer be part of my life. It was not easy but what I did to fight him was have extremely healthy snacks at hand, in my purse, in my truck when I really had to have a snack. And, even though I am in maintence and have to keep my calories up, I still reach of healthy snacks...I just have more of them. Your 100 cal popcorn is good for you and something that takes a while to eat and you feel like you've had something. No dental this week. Not till next Wed, Nov 3. I am in the last stages and really looking forward to getting rid of this temp bottom front plate I have had since June 2. Thinking I will have it for another 4 weeks. Next week is placing caps on lower right and grinding 4 others in front sides down for caps. Been a long haul and I so appreciate the support I got (and needed) from all of you throughout this process. Whine, whine, whine. Thanks for all who listened. Julie...as Janet said...keep up with the treatments and hoping this all does the trick for you. Pain can alter everything we want to do and my wish is that you can be completely pain free. Have fun with Mimi. Great...dreamed about you last night. We were on a boardwalk somewhere by the ocean and you were carrying your grandbaby...it was a boy about nine months old. You wanted to run to Starbucks and you asked me to hold him. Your daughter appeared out of nowhere and was soooooooooooooooo upset that you had a "stranger" watching her baby. Then she looked at me and said "Oh, you're Apples2" and everything was fine. Funny dream. You must be home by now and hopefully catching up with your rest. Jodi...congrats on your doc's goal for you. I am sure you will decide if you feel you are done with your weightloss or want to be right where you are at. The TT phase is a big step and takes lots of planning with time off work, etc. Important step though if you want to have it done. I had a visit with the doc about mine on Tues and thinking that I will shoot for early spring....more extensive than I thought. Jessica...this Mother Hen is very proud of you for all you do and the grades you are getting. Take a look into joining the Honor Society. You don't want to miss out and be sorry later that you did not do it. Good going! TX...hope you are resting comfortably and keeping ahead of the pain. Sounds like you have a good nurse (good morning, Debbie....keep us informed...thanks). Cheri....sometimes when it comes to getting a point across and trying to be heard, we have to become Screaming Bantchies. Took care of the problem, didn't it? Hope you have smooth sailing with that little girl from here on out. Nice to hear the parents backed you up. If you would have been my DS's teacher, you would have had to use your "outside voice" with them. They were just the cutest little devils/angels. I have BBQ's simmering for lunch and a pot roast in roaster for dinner. House smells wonderful. Cleaning and laundry and online Christmas shopping today. Have quite a bit of it done and plan it to finish it up today or tomorrow. Having a tough couple of days with lots of tears. A year ago tomorrow that "mom" fell on the post office steps and passed away. Guess being weepy is just part of dealing with it. Just remembering her and the angel that she was/is. Better get after it. Later.

Hi girls, I'm up in the middle of the night, too.... Went to sleep about 11:00 in my chair, but woke up at 12:30 with pain... I thought I was going to get off easy tonight, but no such luck...... I took an easy day today.. Went with DD and Mimi for a little shopping in Bismarck this morning... Was looking for a black slip and bra to go under my MOB dress... We went into Dress Barn and DD started looking at black dresses for me... I already bought my dress a while back and she approved of it then, but now she isn't sure it's fancy enough.... MOB is to be fancy like the bride she says!! Well now I'm not sure what to do.... Thought I had it all under control.. I didn't find anything I wanted today.... So now I can add that back on my list.... And I didn't find a bra or slip.. Lane Bryant had no slips... Told be to go to Herberger..... Anyway, Janet it is 9/9 for my Mayo appointment... A week and a half to go..... I'm starting to fear that they won't help me either and I'm doomed to do this forever.... Gotta keep a positive thought but it gets hard when this happens every day..... Love the before and afters............... what you wrote sounds just fine... and just like you.... Good luck.... I'm sure you'll be a great spokesperson..... Cheri, hugs on your niece.... Gosh I hope they can figure things out.... I love the way you describe yourself...... I would love to be talk and regal rather than tall and misshapen....... You take a break this weekend and rest up now..... Melissa, glad to hear you are on the mend.... just stick with it so you don't have a relapse... You need that rafting party... sounds fun..... Laura K, sounds like a fune weekend again with your family...... I have never made salsa.... Well, once, and it was too watery.. do you can yours then or just have it fresh in the fridge?? Those darn chips... I have found that I like those little flavored rice cakes.... dont' care for the big ones, but these little ones that come in a bag are very good... and low on calories... I try to keep these around, but I did buy some crunchie cheezies one day and had to have some..... Didn't hurt, just didn't help either.... gotta do some of that occassionally just to feel normal..... I'm eating a grape popsicle right now.. It feels so good on my mouth that is still so ucky these days... I think it might be getting a bit better since that Flexeril is getting out of my system... No more dreams and no more weight gain... Actually have lost a few that I got a while back... Hope to be back to my norm by Vegas.... Linda, gosh I hear you about kids..... some days it seems like they will never not be our responsiblity.... If I took all the money we have spent in the last 3 years on our 3 kids, DH and I could have one helluva month long vacation abroad someplace..... And he wouldn't have to work 15 hour days like he has been lately just for some extra cash....... He has worked 77 1/2hours this week.... At least he doesn't have to work tomorrow and they are about done with wheat which is the big push right now.... Yeah..... I could use having him around home more...... I've spent some very alone days and would rather have him around moe.... Merry's pictures look great.... DH I presume????? He looked good, too... Merry will be running like a pup soon..... that is wonderful for all of you. Good luck with the hip replacement parts... Hope it turns out to not be an issue for you. Phyll, you and DH look so nice... glad you are having a great day.... Dance a little for me... Pretty baby... but aren't they all.. enjoy.... Eva, I hate the accumulations of cat hair...... It gets into everything.. And I try so hard to keep a clean house... I hate to see what comes out in the dryer lint trap when I was blanket/throws that we keep by our chairs in the living room...... But that's the breaks when you have cats..... Off you go to Baltimore... you are the travelors... and not afraid to just go any old time.. Wish my DH was a bit more like that.... I have to work on him for a while to get him to decide to do something fun... Have a great time... See you back here with a report on Tuesday..... Arlene, sorry your local boys didn't make it to the finals..., but what an accomplishment anyway... Walking with a 2 year old will be a challenge... Do you have one of those cute little backpack leashes??? They have them at Walmart... I tried that with Mimi a couple times, but since I couldn't lift her I was at her mercy if she wanted to stop... Had a terrible time getting her off the playground... and pulling on the lease was harder on my than lifting her... Good luck and let us know when that baby arrives.... Well our other girls must all be out enjoying life... I want that !!!! Instead of sitting awake at night with pain... I'm wondering about Judy and her puppy.... She seems to be pretty busy these days...... Do you suppose she'll want to "foster" this one???? time will tell... Well I should try to get back to sleep... Mimi is staying over and she asked to go to bed in my bed with Papa...... This is just fine.. I spend so much time up stairs in my recliner that a night without my bed is no big deal.....Today is DF's birthday so DD and some friends drove down to Bismarack to meet him after work for a nice little celebrations... I'm so happy with the life my daughter and fiancee are leading right now... I prayed and prayed that life would give her good things one day... I think that day has arrived and I couldn't be happier......Aside from the piercings and tatoees, we couldn't have picked a finer young man.... So we just look past the piercings and tatoos and see the good man and father that he is.... What a blessing... Night ladies..... Hope we all can get some rest ..... so we can enjoy our Sunday... Love you all very much, oh and welcome to the new gal.... You'll love it here... Just jump in and share about yourself... We are very open and honest around here... Hugs and prayers............ Julie

Got an e-mail from Kaye Bailey who is the nurse practitioner whoo works with bariatric patients and who developed the 5 day pouch test. I have found a lot of her information very helpful and when I read this I thought it might help some of you. If you want to read more you can click on the link "5 day pouch test" below and you'll find her site. I hope it's okay to re-post it --- it's such good information. <P done13="5">Three Keys to Lasting Weight Loss Surgery Success Nearly a quarter-million people in the United States will undergo weight loss surgery this year to arrest their morbid obesity and lose weight. In spite of the drastic nature of gastric surgeries not all patients will reach a healthy weight and some may eventually regain weight they lost initially with surgery. 5 Day Pouch Test Store By Kaye Bailey Nearly a quarter-million people in the United States will undergo weight loss surgery this year to arrest their morbid obesity and lose weight. In spite of the drastic nature of gastric surgeries not all patients will reach a healthy weight and some may eventually regain weight they lost initially with surgery. Obesity is not a simple cosmetic problem of excess body weight than can be corrected with surgery. It is a metabolic disorder where the body stores an abnormal amount of body fat. Bariatric surgeries help arrest the disease by reducing the amount of calories a person may eat and some surgeries reduce the amount of nutrients the body absorbs and stores as fat. The surgery does not remove the disease but with patient compliance weight is lost and obesity can be put in remission. Chances for healthy weight loss and weight maintenance with surgery can improve with patient commitment to recovery. Patients must accept that the burden of treatment for their disease obesity is with them. Bariatric counselors tell patients the surgery is only a tool and it is up to the patient to use it correctly. This applies to all procedures including gastric bypass, gastric sleeve, and adjustable gastric banding (lap-band). There are three pro-active things patients can do to use their tool wisely: Use the Tool Wisely. Lifestyle: Accept that bariatric surgery brings with it an entirely different lifestyle that you must adopt for the rest of your life. Unlike conventional diets there is no finish line: surgery requires an almost religious-like lifestyle change. Patients must follow a high Protein, low carbohydrate diet every day for the rest of their life in order to lose weight and maintain that weight loss. Patients will need to avoid simple carbohydrates including sugary snack foods and fried food. Snacking, when allowed, must be mindful including lean protein and low-glycemic fruits and vegetables. liquid restrictions mean no beverages before or after meals and no drinking with meals: this helps the surgical pouch work correctly. Patients learn and accept that some things will make them sick, smells will affect them differently, and sometimes they will feel emotionally blue because of the irreversible restrictions of surgery. We have this life-changing surgery with all its restrictions and then return to the very environment in which we became obese: of course we suffer feelings of sadness at times. Support: As with other life-changing disease, patients seeking treatment and recovery from morbid obesity with surgery benefit from support. While no one can understand another persons exact journey we can certainly share the collective experience of obesity, life long dieting and weight gain, and finally the somber decision to undergo treatment with surgery. While patients are likely to cluster to support groups both live and online before surgery and in the first year following surgery, there is a tendency to drift away from support groups as time passes. Evidence suggests, however, that solid support relationships are a key in sustaining personal efforts for health, weight control and wellness with bariatric surgery. Activity: The inclusion of physical activity as part of lifestyle change with surgery will make a difference in the long term successful weight management of bariatric patients. Early post-operative patients are directed to get 150 minutes of exercise a week, that is about 20 minutes a day. Patients who do this and more will successfully manage their weight loss and weight maintenance. Patients who regain weight often admit they never really got around to including physical activity in their new lifestyle. Studies indicate exercise need not be strenuous or exhausting. Physical activity simply must move us beyond the normal motion required of daily life. Weight loss surgery patients tend to idolize their surgeons and bariatric teams crediting them with restoring their health. But long after the surgical wounds have healed and the routine checkups are simply annual office visits it is up to the patient to own their surgical tool and manage it in a way that keeps their disease in remission. Janet, glad to hear from you -- sorry about the computer problems - it's hard without it. Apples, yes, go buy one of the readers and let me know which one you decided to buy - I'm interested in them also - I just know for sure you want to be sure to get one that you can download books from anywhere (like Amazon) -- some of the ones sold at the bookstores are limited to buying only books from them (or so I've heard). Glad you're having a good time - lol I wouldn't go back to the winter either after spending time away -- that's why I don't plan to go until I don't have to come back. Gotta run -- ultrasounds went well this a.m. Hoping to hear results today. Love your new pic LauraK-- you look fabulous!!! Love you all. Linda

Well for me, being fat has been a life long struggle. From childhood to age 17 I was VERY active, on soccer teams, dance, tap, cheerleading, gymnastics, then when I was in 7th grade my school started a swim team. I always loved to swim and I thought I was pretty good, so I tried out, and I made it, from 7th grade until when I dropped out in 11th, I was a competitive swimmer. I worked out 6x a week 2-3 hours a day. And guess what? I was the second biggest girl on the team! I wasn't consuming huge amounts of food besides the night before a meet when we carb loaded. After I dropped out, that's when things went downhill. I started realizing that there was something wrong, like why couldn't I be a normal size when I was working out so much. Well then came college a few months later, and being such a shy person, I didn't ever want to go to the gym alone, so I rarely went. Then I left that school, got a job, had no means of working out really. Then I was back in school, but still didn't work out, and basically I haven't really worked out since I left high school. I did discover that the constant weight gain was due to PCOS, and that I was almost fighting a losing battle. Finding out about the PCOS was such a breakthrough it explained a lot, like dark black facial hair, yeah, how embarrassing. Late 2008 I finally decided to look into weight loss surgery. Now I'm STILL trying to get surgery, having difficulty due to stupid doctors who are big babies, or assholes. But I'm close.

Sounds like we are all going through the same thing. I am sitting here feeling really bloated... I am amazed at how much I have been able to fit in in the last 2 days. I went for a long walk today and will continue to do so in the next week just to keep the weight gain at bay. Good luck everyone with getting back on track.

I was fat because I ate more calories than my body burned. That simple. But in all honesty, it all started with a brain tumor (on my pituitary gland) which basically wreaked havoc on my hormones and adrenal functions. But once that got treated I still found it difficult to lose because I'd developed all kinds of bad habits when going throguh the terrible depressing 200+ pound weight gain in a 6-month period from the tumor. Anyway, that's behind me. It's up to me to lose the rest and, with the band, I know I can!

[i think links are not working on the iPhone and ipad apps. Also, not sure if others will see this, but there are a lot of HTML tags appearing in posts. I think lipstick lady copied the text from the link, but on my ipad app, it's unreadable because the HTML tags.. QUOTE=LipstickLady] How to Be a Good Ally to Fat People Who Appear to Have Lost Weight <div style="font-size:14px;margin:0px 0px 15px;color:rgb(17,17,17);font-family:'proxima-nova', sans-serif;background-color:rgb(233,246,254);"><span>November 14, 2013</span> | by <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://everydayfeminism.com/author/bevinb/'>Bevin Branlandingham</a> <div style="color:rgb(17,17,17);font-family:'proxima-nova', sans-serif;font-size:16px;background-color:rgb(233,246,254);"> <div style="background-color:rgb(245,245,245);text-align:center;"><a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://everydayfeminism.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/10079750784_0fc03ca2c1_z.jpg'><img height="199" src="http://everydayfeminism.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/10079750784_0fc03ca2c1_z-300x199.jpg" width="300" alt="10079750784_0fc03ca2c1_z-300x199.jpg"></a> <p class="" style="color:rgb(170,170,170);font-size:12px;">Source: <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://www.flickr.com/photos/bevin/10079750784/'>Flickr</a> <p style="font-size:16px;"> <p style="font-size:16px;"><i>Originally published on </i><a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://queerfatfemme.com/2013/10/04/how-to-be-a-good-ally-to-fat-people-who-appear-to-have-lost-weight/'><i>***** Fat Femme</i></a><i> and cross-posted here with their permission.</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">Our culture normalizes talking about bodies all the time. <p style="font-size:16px;">There is especially a lot of value placed on weight gain or loss. <p style="font-size:16px;">Turn on a television and just listen to diet chatter. It’s pervasive, obnoxious, and well-meaning individuals perpetuate it in our personal lives all the time. <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>I like to create an environment in my life that is about substance over small talk, where compliments are genuine and weight is value-neutral.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;"><i>“Oh, but Bevin,”</i> you may be saying. <i>“I really mean it as a compliment when I notice you’ve lost weight!”</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">But, well-intentioned friend, <b>just because you’re well-intentioned doesn’t mean what you say doesn’t have a harmful impact.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">Weight loss doesn’t mean I look good. <p style="font-size:16px;">I believe I look good at all of my weights – all bodies are good bodies. <p style="font-size:16px;">And I know your perception of me might have changed because you are socialized to believe smaller is better, but I would like to gently invite you to do something different with your non-pliments of <i>“You look so good!”</i> when someone has lost weight. <p style="font-size:16px;">It’s also important to remember that the well-intentioned friends come in all shapes and sizes, fat, thin, and in-between. <b>1. How About Don’t Talk About It?</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">I strongly subscribe to the philosophy that <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://queerfatfemme.com/2013/10/04/how-to-be-a-good-ally-to-fat-people-who-appear-to-have-lost-weight/%E2%80%9Dhttp:/queerfatfemme.com/2013/06/24/my-bodys-nobodys-business-but-my-own/%E2%80%9D'>my body is nobody’s business but my own</a>. If I want to talk about it with someone, I will and I do. <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>I completely understand the inclination to ask questions about an obvious change.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">I am a naturally inquisitive person. My friends call me the ***** Oprah because of my tendency to really like to get into the meat of people’s stories. <p style="font-size:16px;">But as I’ve learned how to become a more sensitive and compassionate person, I have had to learn that <b>sometimes you <i>just don’t ask</i> and you stay in the dark.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">It feels kind of impossible not to be nosy about it, but I do it anyway because it’s not my business. <p style="font-size:16px;">Also, <i>what if you’re wrong?</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">A friend of mine just said she gets asked all the time if she lost weight when she puts her hair down! <p style="font-size:16px;">Being nosy and being inquisitive are natural things that I am still working on curtailing. But I think it’s worth it to do the work to be sensitive because I don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. <p style="font-size:16px;">I want my friends to feel like they can be their most vibrant and awesome selves around me. <b>2. Wait for the Person to Bring It Up</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">Have you ever noticed that lots of straight people will out themselves to you within about ten minutes of conversation? Sometimes as short as two. <p style="font-size:16px;">Straight people in a heteropatriarchy are reaffirmed all the time about how great, normal, and important their straightness is. Therefore, they have likely not had the experience of having to hide or code their sexuality to people. <p style="font-size:16px;">They don’t really play the <i>“pronoun” </i>game and affirm their heterosexuality without thinking about it. <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>The same is true for lots of people who have lost weight.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">In a diet-obsessed culture, it is super normalized that weight loss is a good thing. People who are excited about their weight loss will probably bring it up because it is normalized to talk about people’s bodies whether that is right or wrong. <p style="font-size:16px;">So <b>let it happen if it will organically.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">People don’t stop to think about whether or not weight loss might be a sign of someone’s increased health or not. I know many people who have had cancer that lost a lot of weight rapidly. <p style="font-size:16px;"><a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://queerfatfemme.com/2013/10/04/how-to-be-a-good-ally-to-fat-people-who-appear-to-have-lost-weight/%E2%80%9Dhttp:/www.candyekane.com/%E2%80%9D'>Candye Kane</a> (an amazing blues singer) said on stage once, <i>“I don’t recommend the cancer diet.”</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">Maybe just <b>ask them what’s going on in their life and talk to them</b> organically. <p style="font-size:16px;">The core questions you have about them may just come to light. But, again, their body is none of your business unless they bring it up. <p style="font-size:16px;">If they do bring up their weight loss in a positive manner, you can do the work of someone working in solidarity with fat people by saying, <i>“I think you look great at any weight, but I’m really glad you feel good in your body right now.”</i> <b>3. Mention a General Compliment That Is More Neutral</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">If you <i>really</i> want to compliment someone because you genuinely think they look good, there are lots of things about someone’s appearance you can go for. <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>Instead of mentioning weight loss thing, if you want to compliment someone, you can go for something else.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;"><i>“Your hair looks great!”</i> Or maybe: <i>“I love this outfit!”</i> <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>There are a bunch of different ways to express positivity to someone that don’t take into account weight loss and reinforce that weight loss is the only way to look good.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">I can see friends who come at me when I’ve lost weight sort of looking for a way to talk about my appearance without going down the wrong road because they know I loved myself X number of pounds ago and they don’t want to bury themselves in the wrong kind of compliment. <b>4. Comment on the Self</b> <p style="font-size:16px;"><i>“You seem particularly present tonight. I don’t know what it is, but you just seem extra YOU today. I love it!”</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">If you must say something to the person, I suggest the foregoing. Kris Ford gave me this quote. <p style="font-size:16px;">I think it’s really great! <p style="font-size:16px;">What a remarkable way to get to the essence of what your weight loss compliment is really about. <p style="font-size:16px;">When we stop to think about what we really mean when we’re talking to people, we might be able to clearly communicate without hurting them. <b>5. Absolutely Don’t Ask Someone What They’re Doing</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">Oh my God, my family is so into this discussion. <p style="font-size:16px;">I zone out when I start to hear diet talk, Weight Watchers, walking the track, whatever new thing they’re doing. <p style="font-size:16px;">I truly believe in <a data-ipb='nomediaparse' href='http://queerfatfemme.com/tag/health-at-every-size/'>health at every size</a> and will totally pipe into discussions of fitness, feeling good in your body, and other things from an <i>“All Bodies Are Good Bodies</i>” perspective. <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>But I have <i>heard “What are you doing?”</i> question so many times, and I just absolutely hate it.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">Again, often folks will offer it if they want to. But in general, the<i> “what you’re doing” </i>question is such a standard thing people think is okay to ask, but it’s actually really personal! <p style="font-size:16px;">I have a super close friend I asked this question of because I genuinely had no idea how she had lost weight and wondered. But I’m close enough to her that when she dropped that it was an eating disorder, it was a safe® space to talk about it. <p style="font-size:16px;">I also learned from that moment to <b>tread even a little more lightly with that stuff, to open those kinds of conversations with gentle warnings, or to open slowly.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">Because people who are just hanging out or going about their life maybe don’t want to just talk about their traumas out of the blue because you want to comment on their bodies. <p style="font-size:16px;text-align:center;">*** <p style="font-size:16px;"><b>I struggle with what to say to people when they comment about changes to my weight.</b> <p style="font-size:16px;">True fact about me: I tend to be an emotional non-eater. <p style="font-size:16px;">If I am going through a rough time, I will likely lose some weight. I lost sixty pounds when my fiance left me. And every time someone commented on my weight, I would say, <i>“Bad break-up.”</i> I would kind of grumpily respond to a nonpliment with snark. <p style="font-size:16px;">I don’t always want to do that, but I really leave it up to how I am feeling in that moment. <p style="font-size:16px;">Sometimes I go with, <i>“I think I look great at any size.”</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">Often, especially if it is a friend or loved one, I go with a very long explanation of what lead to my recent weight loss so that they understand what I’m going through, that it’s been a real struggle, and that the weight loss is a byproduct of a larger initiative to resolve a chronic condition I have. <p style="font-size:16px;">Sometimes, I just respond to weight loss nonpliments graciously because it’s not worth the fight. <p style="font-size:16px;">I learned to respond to compliments I didn’t agree with back when I was still self-hating. <p style="font-size:16px;">I would do things like respond to compliments with, <i>“Oh, I don’t look good. I still have xyz wrong with me.”</i> And I replaced that with a simple <i>“thank you”</i> until I was ready to really hear and absorb good things about myself. <p style="font-size:16px;">A friend told me once, <i>“Hi skinny,”</i> in response to weight loss. <p style="font-size:16px;">My response was, <i>“Um, I don’t identify as skinny.”</i> Because anytime I’ve ever lost weight in my life (as someone who has a lifetime of fat experience), I have always been fat. <p style="font-size:16px;">And, in the case of my beloved Grandmother, I accept her compliments graciously and deeply appreciate when my mom pipes in with, <i>“But we love you at any size.”</i> <p style="font-size:16px;">Because sometimes it’s not worth the fight. <p style="font-size:16px;">But it is amazing to have my mom acting in solidarity with my politics and values around all bodies being good bodies at any size. <p style="font-size:16px;">This was not always the case, but working with her in love, respect and compassion through the last twelve years of my participation in body liberation activism, has actually been really rewarding.

How does zero calorie and zero sugar diet pop cause you to gain weight? I see Chrystal Light talked about here a lot and it has aspartame and a list of chemicals longer than diet pop. Why is that recommend over diet pop? Just because a doctor says so is not good enough for me. When I was a kid our family doctor told us we would all have heart attacks if we continued to eat eggs. Anti eggs was the fad back then and most doctors went with it. Now eggs are considered a super food. What happened? Why did doctors suddenly change? Diet pop has been out for 50 years and yet there are very few studies that actually study causation. The ones I have found show that people do not gain anymore weight by drinking diet pop. I personally have lost 70 pounds and counting drinking diet pop. None of the ingredients in diet pop has been proven to cause weight gain. Diet pop is just a carbonated version of Water and Chrystal Light. Never listen to a doctor. Just do what ever you think is right.

Hey guys! Remember me?? I was banded on July 5th 2006.. OMG what a roller coaster I have gone thru.. I have only lost 20 lbs. First thing is, I was my Doc's guinea pig. I was his first band. (of course he had a specialist with him to do the surgery) Filling was new to him and he thought he was filling me up but in actuality, he wasn't. I also have a wiggler port. It takes 2 people to fill me. One to stabilize it and another to inject. Doc says I might have to get that stabilized in the future but it is okay for now. That was the first problem. Second problem was me. I totally BLEW it over the holidays. I got a mixer (Artisan) for christmas from my fiance and was "going to bake for the family and friends".. well, apparently that means for myself too.. UGH.. When I went for my January check up, I gained 6.. thats right 6 pounds!! Boy did the nurse ream me out.. whew.. she made me cry but then felt bad and hugged me.. she said I had to get some "tough love" .. I then went home and went thru my kitchen. I got rid of the crackers, pretzels, bread, micro popcorn etc. (just like Dr. Phil says, get rid of the triggers) And then I did the unthinkable... I JOINED THE GYM! ME! wow.. If you would have asked me if I would join a gym a year ago, I would have laughed in your face! And it is a regular gym.. not curves or a gym geared towards "fat people".. do you know it was sooooo hard to walk in there the first time.. My friend couldnt make it so I went alone! I went alone!.. I got there, scanned in, went to the locker room and even struck up a conversation with a young girl (24ish) who was all thin and trim.. she said to me, "comon! lets grab a treadmill before they are gone!".. So there I was.. working out with a stranger.. a nice one at that! Me, Ms. Low Selfesteem.. I walked on that thing for 30 mins and then rode a recumbant bike for 15 mins. WOW.. and I actually liked it! I go every other day now. Last thing that inhibited rapid weight loss is that I suffer from "seasonal" depression so I am on wellbutrin. My doc says wellbutrin can cause weight gain. yay.. but I will be off that shortly.. Fast forward to this past Friday... I went for a check up and lost 7 lbs!! and Doc gave me a 2cc fill.. aggressive I know but I tell you.. I feel restriction now.. for the first time in 8 months!!! So with my new exercise routine and FINALLY getting restriction.. my ticker better show some loss! I have given up some comfort foods and what not and that is very hard.. things like pizza, rice, regular pasta (I do still eat wheat pasta but only once a week or so) That is my update and I am so glad to be back. So sorry this was so long but I really wanted to get stuff off my chest. Love and loss (weight loss that is!), Donnamarie

Congrats to everyone! I have not had the time to do my fills and I guess that is my big problem. I went from 220 to 172 in about 6 months and didn't get a fill until I started to gain back weight. The fill didn't really do much. I gained more weight and went up to 194. Granted, I only had 2 fills this whole time and I am in the VG band which I understand you have to be a little more aggressive. I was embarrassed to go back to the doctor b/c of the weight gain, so I lost 14 pounds in the last month on a low carb/low calorie diet. I have an appointment to get an adjustment next Friday and hopefully I can get back on track. Currently, I have 5 cc in the large VG band and have little restriction right now. So, hopefully I will be re-committing myself to the band once again next week. I wish I could be a success story (by now) like everyone else here!

Eating some extras today, had carrot cake from whole foods, and some stuff from their salad bar... so yum! Luckily I went kayaking today for 2 hours, and then will have dance class this evening. That should cover the calories, but its strange sitting here eating cake! EDIT next day- no weight gain, but the cake made me feel so yuck! When will I learn!?

Michele, Yes, I remember your story. Congrats on your healthy baby boy! What a blessing. How encouraging for others to hear about no weight gain etc. Ladies and gents, My weight loss seems to have slowed down, rather frustrating, but I am losing 3-4 pounds a month, I feel incredible and am going scuba diving.. I have not dove for 7 years due to the excess weight. I have lost 62 pounds and am at my weight for last time I went. I would like to lose another 20- 25 pounds am trying to be patient and know that is doable by August. Bonnie

Tara201, consider other reasons for weight gain such as water retention. My doc told me that fluid balance fluctuates a lot during the 1st few weeks post op. Also,you may wanna put the scale away. I know it's tough and we get fixated on it. But, you don't wanna weigh yourself everyday, the normal fluctations will dry you nuts! I was weighing myself too much too so my husband hid the scale from me. (I found it, but I got the point). Good luck and try not to worry too much since you're 2 weeks post op. The 1st month is a healing period.

How does zero calorie and zero sugar diet pop cause you to gain weight? I see Chrystal Light talked about here a lot and it has aspartame and a list of chemicals longer than diet pop. Why is that recommend over diet pop? Just because a doctor says so is not good enough for me. When I was a kid our family doctor told us we would all have heart attacks if we continued to eat eggs. Anti eggs was the fad back then and most doctors went with it. Now eggs are considered a super food. What happened? Why did doctors suddenly change? Diet pop has been out for 50 years and yet there are very few studies that actually study causation. The ones I have found show that people do not gain anymore weight by drinking diet pop. I personally have lost 70 pounds and counting drinking diet pop. None of the ingredients in diet pop has been proven to cause weight gain. Diet pop is just a carbonated version of Water and Chrystal Light.

Ok I've been reading this thread for days. Round and round we go. This is my personal experience with carbonated beverages post sleeve. It is not to be construed as advice one way or another. Just one person's take on this subject. I drank a few sips of Dr Pepper about a week post op. Only 3 or 4 small sips because the carbonation made me feel like I'd explode. Nothing bad happened. I drank a little of it here and there, never could manage more than a few small drinks but I certainly had some any time I wanted it. Nothing bad happened. At 3 years out I will sometimes get a small Coke or whatever at 7-11 if I want one. I can drink the small size but it takes a while due to the carbonation making me feel like a big balloon. I prefer Slurpees. I can drink a small one in about 30 minutes and it satisfies any urge I have to drink Cokes. I have one or 2 each week ( ok maybe 3 sometimes) and they are delicious. Again, nothing bad happened. My sleeve works great, it sure as heck hasn't stretched, and I do not have a problem with gaining weight. If I gain a pound or 2 occasionally I just cut out the candy and slurpees for a few days and the pounds fall off. I eat what I want, drink what I want, and have done so since week 2 post op. I'm healthy, have a fully functioning sleeve, and am doing very well. No stretching of the sleeve, no uncontrollable weight gain, no adverse consequence.

Fiqah87 I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I have a friend that went through the same thing you are talking about. She got depressed from being sick all the time and just gave up. Now she is only about 50 away from where she started and she is really depressed. But also, come to find out, she quit taking her recommended medicine and Vitamins and she also started back with bad eating habits. Now she is at the realization that she got too comfortable and started eating the way she used to eat because she had lost so much weight and then due to the rapid weight gain, she started staying then she was so sick that she couldn't eat. I pray things get better for you. Good luck Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

lovegrapes.. way to go! and have fun! AND everyone.. I found something and I wanted to share.. I have been trying different ways to get the water in and I am sick to death of crystal light.. I am not a good fake sugar person and after awhile it burns the back of my throat and taste nasty..plus the fact that its bad for you... and I dont want to drink things with extra calories I dont need.. so I found something that might be help if you are like me.. its a herbal tea that tastes sweet and has NO SUGAR.. it has nothing artificial in it and I got it at my grocery store.. it can be made hot or like ice tea and its very flavorful.. its sweet tasting and I have checked the box several times and there is no sweetner in it.. its by Good Earth and its the sweet and spicy herbal tea... here is a link if you want to get an idea of what it looks like.. I know the package has changed several times.. but it gives you an idea Good Earth Original Sweet & Spicy Tea & Herb Blend -- 18 Tea Bags - www.Vitacost.com anyways.. its a little spicy too.. its helping me get my liquids in. and it tastes really good. thought I would share.. still really discouraged at the moment.. dont really want to do anything.. i feel like if I have good restriction and its not helping.. what will.. I know I need to just keep going.. that weight gain is really messing with my head..:bored:

What Your Doctor Can’t Tell You If you are considering bariatric surgery, you’ve probably done some research. You may have looked up “gastric bypass” on the internet, read some blogs, or perhaps you’ve gone so far as to discuss the possibilities with your doctor. You may have a decent grasp of the physical side of this surgery. But there are some things even the best surgeon can’t tell you. I’m talking about the emotional side of taking this life-changing step. The emotional roller coaster of trying and failing to lose weight does not disappear when you decide to use bariatric surgery to get control of your life. But, it does become easier when you know what to expect, and when you see that you are not alone. I speak with authority on the subject of bariatric surgery and the emotional struggle that goes with it — I’ve been there. Seven years ago, I had a gastric bypass. This process took me from being barely able to function to living a magnificent life as an authentic and productive person. But it wasn’t a walk in the park. As a person who has been through the surgery personally, and as a clinician (I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) I bring deep experience to this subject. And I’m anxious to share what I learned. I want to make it clear up front that I am speaking as a clinician and someone who has been through weight loss surgery and the difficult recovery process — I am not a nutritionist or medical practitioner. The full tale of my own personal journey is recorded in my book Recovering My Life: A Personal Bariatric Story and in videos and Facebook posts I recorded during and after my surgery. I began emotional eating as a response to childhood trauma. And, though I had dieted over and over again since high school, I weighed over 200 pounds at the birth of my second child. At that point, my medical problems included sleep apnea, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and hypoglycemia (low blood sugar). By the time my third child was born, I was pre-diabetic, with gestational diabetes. Many days, I was too tired from sleep apnea to even get out of bed. I could barely take care of my kids, and I felt like the worst mom on the planet. Fighting My Way Through I had always thought only slackers had weight loss surgery. But when a friend had a gastric bypass, she convinced me that, for people with weight loss resistance, this was a good option. I consulted my doctor. He approved, and I began fighting my way back to health. And it was a battle. I made mistakes, but I learned from them, and I persevered. Today, I have maintained my weight loss, and I am healthy. I am a better mom to my kids, and I have a thriving group practice and run a nonprofit foundation I created to assist people in our community to heal the brokenness in their lives. And I met and married my second husband and have a great marriage. If you’re thinking about bariatric surgery, or if you’ve already had a procedure done, it’s important to move forward with all the information you need — including the physical and emotional ups and downs. My recovery was a difficult journey, but I would do it again a million times over. Knowing what I know now wouldn’t eliminate the challenges I had to overcome before and after surgery. But, it would make the whole thing less scary. That’s what I hope my story does for you — help you avoid the mistakes I made and feel more confident in your success. Understanding Weight Loss Struggles & Bariatric Surgery Causes of Morbid Obesity What is Bariatric Surgery? Getting Ready for Surgery Mental & Emotional Preparation Advocating for Yourself After Surgery is Approved Building Support Planning Pre-Surgery Weight Loss What You Will Need Immediately After Surgery In the Hospital The First Few Days at Home Ongoing Recovery Physical Issues Emotional Issues Other Issues Potential Issues After Weight-Loss Surgery Emotional Challenges Health Problems Relationships Understanding Weight Loss Struggles & Bariatric Surgery Why Do People End Up Morbidly Obese Well-meaning acquaintances, friends, and relatives may suggest that you’re “taking the easy way out” by pursuing bariatric surgery. They can make you feel guilty for even considering this as a last resort. Why can’t you just lose the weight on your own? Genetic predisposition. Some are genetically predisposed to gain weight, even when they exercise, even when they try to diet. Certain hormone imbalances and disorders can also make it hard to stay at a healthy weight. Emotional eating. The barrier that keeps most morbidly obese people from losing weight is that our eating is connected with our emotions. Early on, many of us learned to use food as a way to cope. Food for us is not just fuel; it’s the way we deal with life’s problems and blows. Regardless of the particular cause, some of us have been on one diet or another all our lives. We have lost the same 50, 70, or 100 pounds over and over. In fact, our attempts to lose weight have made us worse off. Along with the health effects of too much weight, we carry the shame of failure and frustration. Weight and Your Wellbeing The physical health problems associated with obesity are many and serious: high cholesterol, high blood pressure, acid reflux, gall bladder disease, congestive heart failure. Type two diabetes, hypoglycemia, asthma, sleep apnea and other sleep problems, fertility problems, arthritis, lack of energy. Knee and back pain, gout, migraines, psychosocial stress. Even scarier: liver disease, increased risk of cancer, risk of stroke, and earlier death. Associated emotional problems that stem from these conditions can also make it harder to overcome them. For example, you may be struggling with depression, anxiety, and guilt. Sometimes, the biggest problem we have to face is the low self-esteem that goes along with being the biggest person in the room. What Is Bariatric Surgery? Bariatric surgery is not a cosmetic procedure. We may hope to look better after losing weight, but the best reasons for undergoing this major surgery are to extend and improve our lives. The common term for bariatric surgery is “weight-loss surgery.” It means any surgical procedure on the stomach or intestines that aims at weight loss. Doctors have been performing these surgeries since the 1950s, with a good success rate. The most common procedures are lap band, with a success rate of 47%; gastric sleeve, with a success rate of 80%; and gastric bypass, which has an 85% success rate. Another procedure, duodenal switch, has a success rate of 95%, but is more complicated and less common in the U.S. These procedures support weight loss while requiring lifestyle changes. Drastic weight loss can motivate you to keep on the road to better health. Whichever procedure you choose, pre- and post-operative education is key to developing lasting, healthy habits. Getting Ready for Surgery Mentally and Emotionally Preparing Convincing others — and yourself — this is the best solution Your first job is to conquer your own hesitance about weight-loss surgery. Even asking about it takes courage. Then, when you’ve reached the point of seriously considering it, you need to be prepared for a long haul. You will need to get lots of people on board with your decision. First, your family — maybe not extended family, but certainly the people you live with day to day. Next, you need your doctor to approve your decision. No matter how much you hate to get weighed, you will need a referral from your primary physician. And, you need to convince your insurance carrier that bariatric surgery is necessary for your health and to prolong your life. Navigating Relief and Fear You will probably feel a profound sense of relief just to know there’s a solution to obesity- related health problems. But along with that relief comes worry. It’s major surgery. Things could go very wrong. You might even die. Will having surgery be worth it? What if you can’t get the weight off during those post-surgery months? What if you can’t keep it off and all this trouble and pain is for nothing? After all, you’ve tried and tried to lose weight and it hasn’t worked — or only worked for a short time. Then there’s having to consult with medical personnel and, even worse, insurance representatives, to advocate for yourself. You’ll have to talk about your weight, which means confronting the shame that goes with it. You may worry that people will think you’re weak — that you’re taking the easy way out. How do you overcome that prejudice? Especially since part of you still shares it. Overcoming Resistance And what about all those hoops you have to jump through? You have to have at least six months of records showing your weight on a regular basis and detailing your attempts to lose it. When you can’t bear the sight of your own body, much less the weight on the scale, how are you going to face that challenge? Your research, from articles to videos, shows people who’ve had bariatric surgery eating impossibly small portions. You hear about all the restrictions ahead: first, a liquid diet; then mashed food; then, even when you get back to “normal,” ongoing restrictions, such as not drinking with meals. How will you ever be able to eat normally again — how will you ever be able to eat out? These are mental challenges it won’t be easy to meet. But if you want to be well again, if you want a long, productive life, it is possible to work through them. Advocating for Yourself I was fortunate that my primary care physician was willing to support my bariatric surgery decision from the beginning. But you may have to work to convince your medical advisor that this route is good for you. Advocating for yourself isn’t easy, especially if, like most of us who suffer from morbid obesity, you don’t like calling attention to yourself and your weight. To succeed, you must learn how to speak up for yourself. Here are some suggestions. Decide what you want. Believe in yourself! Know the facts. Educate yourself about bariatric surgery and potential issues. Plan. You need a strategy for recovery and ongoing lifestyle changes. Gather support. It’s helpful to have family, friends, and people who have similar issues on your side. Target your efforts. Find the best medical practitioner. Find the right person at your insurance company to plead your case to. Express yourself clearly. Tell doctors and insurance agents that you are interested in surgery and why you feel you need it. Stick to the point, and don’t give up if they say “no.” It may help to role play scenarios with a friend or family member who supports your decision. Assert yourself, but don’t lose your temper. Respect the rights of others, but ask for what you need, and then listen. Finally, don’t give up. Be firm and persistent. Follow through on what you promise. (Those six months of weight-loss records, for example.) After Surgery Is Approved You’ve made the decision to have bariatric surgery. You’re both excited and scared about taking this serious step toward improving your health and your life, but you’re going to do it. Now you need to build your support system. Nobody goes through such a major life change, such a serious physical challenge, without help. Find Your Team Choosing the right people to support you on your journey is one of the most important decisions you have to make. You will need to depend on family, friends, acquaintances, and even strangers who have gone through this experience before you. The most important quality to look for in your team is respect and support for your decision. You will need help with ordinary tasks and responsibilities while you are undergoing and recovering from surgery. A few needs: Someone to care for your children and pets while you’re in the hospital and perhaps during recovery at home Help cooking meals and cleaning the house Someone to accompany you to the hospital and be your advocate when you can’t do that yourself Help dealing with the inevitable emotions and stresses of major surgery and a major lifestyle change First, you have to overcome your reluctance to ask for help. Then, you have to reach out. Share your needs with family and friends who are sympathetic to your goals. If they’re not on board, you don’t have time for them right now. If it feels right to you, you can use social media to reach out. Contact your church, work friends, fellow hobbyists, and people you’ve come to know in other ways. Trust that there will be someone who can help. Be Informed and Follow Your Doctor’s Advice Use the resources available through your medical advisors. Seek out a sympathetic nurse. A therapist can help you deal with the emotional consequences of surgery and also the issues that led to your obesity in the first place. If you don’t have a therapist, maybe it’s time to make that connection. Find a good therapy group. And above all, follow your doctor’s advice! Learn as much as you can about what will be happening to your body and mind, but trust the experts. Plan for an Extended Recovery Your time in the hospital may be only three to four days, but it will take longer for you to feel “recovered.” The period (about nine months) when you are relearning how to eat and coming to terms with the smaller size of your stomach is crucial to your long-term success. There will be lots of ups and downs. Be ready for a long road to full recovery. Having support from friends and family is important, but this is the time to get involved with a support group. Being with others going through the same experience can give you the perspective you need to keep going. Even if your physical recovery is swift and relatively painless, you will have to learn how to deal with the changes in your life. If, as with many, food has been the way you deal with past trauma, uncomfortable feelings, your need for independence, or any other of life’s problems, you no longer can depend on that comfort. If food has been your addiction, you now have to kick the addictive response to it. There will be setbacks. You need to be prepared to bounce back from them. Lose Weight Before Surgery Your bariatric surgeon is likely to require you follow a weight-loss plan for a number of months (six is common) before surgery. The reasons: to make sure you really are committed to your goal of losing the excess weight, and to help you be as healthy as possible going into surgery. This can be a frustrating time. You’ve tried so many diets and exercise programs before, and none have worked. You hate thinking about your weight, and your program requires you weigh yourself daily and keep records of your weight, food intake, and exercise. You’ve made a major decision and are anxious to get it over with. But again, following your doctor’s advice is the shortest and best way to reach your goal, no matter how frustrating it feels. Confront Your Fears To make this transformative decision, you’ve already had to overcome lots of fears. Some of your fears involve others’ opinions. “What will people think?” Some arise from self-doubt. “Am I being selfish?” These are not frivolous concerns. Believe in yourself and face them. Your decision to take care of your health so that you can be there for your loved ones is a good one. Trust in yourself. Another very real fear is the fear that anyone feels when they are about to undergo major surgery. You could die. This is not a frivolous thing. It’s serious. But the vast majority of people who have surgery don’t die from it. So, face your fear realistically. At last, the big day is here. Your surgery is performed. You wake up in the hospital. Are you a different person? Is it all over now? Not yet. The journey of recovery has begun, and it will take resilience. Immediately After Surgery In the Hospital If you have built your support team, you will have fewer worries going in. Your family and home responsibilities are covered, and you have people to support you in the hospital and after you return home. But that doesn’t mean there won’t be challenges. During the initial stages of recovery, hospital staff will be checking your blood pressure, oxygen levels, and more. You may feel as though you are always being poked and prodded at, with little privacy. Thankfully, this stage doesn’t last forever, Your doctors will advise you about the physical challenges that may follow bariatric surgery: constipation, dumping syndrome (nausea, vomiting, and weakness caused by eating high sugar meals, sodas, and fruit juices), possible infection of the wound, and possible leaks in the new connections. But medical advice may not give you the information you need about the emotional side effects. One consequence of the surgery I noticed immediately: I no longer felt like eating. My hunger hormones were gone for a period of time. I had to force myself to eat, and I felt weak. Others report that they felt hungry during the post-op period while on a liquid diet. Hungry or not, a liquid diet can be a source of emotional stress. Be aware that different people react in different ways. The important thing is to keep following your medical and nutritional advice and trust that, in time, you’ll be feeling more normal. Another potential problem is “food grief.” Food has a special meaning for people who suffer from morbid obesity, and “mourning for lost foods is a natural step in the re-birth process after weight loss surgery.” For a long time, maybe all our lives, food was our friend. We turned to it in celebration, in sadness, for comfort, for reward. Now, we can no longer turn to food. We have to find other ways to fill the void food once filled for us. Along with the pain associated with surgery comes the challenge of managing it. The pain medication you are given in the hospital may not work for you. Keep advocating for yourself until you find one that does. It may also take time to know exactly how much medication you need. Trust your doctor, but don’t be afraid to ask for a higher dose if you are in pain, or a lower dose if you are experiencing other unpleasant side effects. It’s worth reiterating here, I am not a nutritionist or medical practitioner. And, I am certainly not advocating for you to ignore your doctor’s advice. Rather, by telling your doctor how you feel when you’re on pain medication, he or she may be able to transition you to a more effective medicine or dosage in a safe, supervised way. Other challenges: meeting the medical requirements for discharge from the hospital and meeting your own fears and expectations. Will you be ready to be sent home? How will you manage after you get there? Your First Few Days at Home Your first major challenge will be dealing with pain and managing your pain medication. If you’re like me, you will want to get off medication as soon as possible. But follow your doctor’s advice. Pain meds usually require tapering off. Quitting “cold turkey” is likely to cause withdrawal symptoms, such as feelings of anxiety or depression, trouble sleeping, headaches, night sweats, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. I made the mistake of not tapering off my pain meds and lived to regret it. You — and members of your family — might be appalled at how little you eat. You might worry about not getting enough of the right nutrition — protein, for example. The combination of pain, medication, and lack of hunger hormones can mean almost total loss of appetite. Feeling responsible for things at home may make you push yourself too hard, especially if loved ones need you. Preplanning for getting help during this early recovery period is important. You will need to have both physical and emotional support in place. Recognize that even though they care, some people won’t be able to help. But don’t be afraid to ask. Take baby steps. Your recovery has many facets: overcoming pain and regaining your physical strength are just the beginning. Emotional adjustment to the new circumstances of this life-changing step is major and ongoing. Therapist Lynne Routsong-Wiechers, herself a successful bariatric surgery patient, lists “Seven Steps to Improving Emotional Adjustments Post-Surgery” in her article, “Baby Steps — Emotional Adjustments to Weight-Loss Surgery.” Follow your doctor’s orders. Ask questions when you have them and express concerns, but trust your doctor’s recommendations and prioritize your physical health. Keep a journal. You can use this to keep track of the foods you eat, as well as whether or not you are emotionally eating, but you might also choose to express what you’re thinking and feeling. This will be a private record, just for you. Remember, you are more than your diet and weight. Write down realistic goals and expectations. Celebrate when you meet them! Reflect on the past. Remember why you decided to make this change, and honor how far you’ve come. Take plenty of photos and keep your old clothes. This will help you physically see your immense transformation. Call on that support team you’ve created. Look forward to living life to the fullest! Ongoing Recovery Physical Issues Even after you’ve conquered the first few days after surgery, the challenges go on. This early recovery stage can last from one to six weeks. The specifics vary with the particular procedure, but here’s a general outline of your physical recovery: Develop strategies to deal with these attacks: exercise, journaling, and deep breathing are a few suggestions. Seek help if your attacks are severe. Focus on One Part of Your Body You might find yourself focusing on one body part. For me, it was my double chin. I had lost inches from my waistline and was making good progress, but when I looked in the mirror and saw that same double chin, I felt like I was making no progress at all. This kind of body image distortion, if it becomes obsessive, can lead to Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), a mental health disorder. People with BDD can spend hours a day obsessing about their appearance. These obsessions and the low self-esteem that results can make them avoid social situations, have problems at work or school, or even lead to suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts. It’s important to seek help and support if you feel yourself becoming fixated. Remember that no body is perfect, and people are much more like to think about their own “flaws” than notice yours. Practice positive self-talk and try to replace thoughts about your body with something else, such as a new hobby or activity. Now that you’ve lost weight, a whole new world is open to you! Health Problems It’s not uncommon for patients to regain some weight after surgery, although it’s a myth that many patients regain all their lost weight. Regaining Weight Regaining even a small amount of weight can feed your fear. What if you stretch the pouch and end up gaining weight back or stalling your weight-loss? What if you have to go back to the hospital for something and you gain weight because of the treatment? About half of all bariatric surgery patients regain weight after two years. But the average regain is about 8% after reaching the lowest point, and total ten-year excess weight loss is still over 50%. The main reasons for regaining weight are: how much excess weight you carried before surgery, alcohol or drug abuse, lack of a support system, or having a psychological problem or food “addiction.” Realize that even if you regain some weight, you are still healthier than you were before surgery. Take steps to avoid the main reasons for weight gain. Be aware of the dangers of a substitute addiction to alcohol or drugs. Get yourself a support system and use it. Get treatment if you suspect you are overeating because of food addiction. Plateauing Don’t lose hope if you stop losing weight for a few days. These things happen. You can overcome the weight loss plateau. Your metabolism may have slowed because you couldn’t exercise after surgery. You can start losing weight again. Focus on getting the right amount and intensity of exercise. Track your heart rate. You should be exercising at 60 to 85% of your maximum heart rate (220 minus your age). Vary your exercise routine to keep yourself challenged. Be sure to drink enough water, and continue eating right. Complications I worried that something would get stuck in the very small connection between my stomach pouch and small intestine. Would I have to go to the emergency room? Could something else happen to me? As with all surgeries, there can be complications with bariatric surgery. But this surgery is very safe (99.8% survival rate). And less than 10% of patients have a complication. Though the list of complications is fairly long, most are not life-threatening (e.g., indigestion, diarrhea or constipation, nausea and vomiting, dumping syndrome). Some can be prevented by self-care. Stick to your bariatric diet, follow your doctor’s instructions, inform yourself about what to look for, and share your worries with your doctor. Sutures I had difficulty with sutures coming out before they were supposed to. Others have had infections at the wound site. Monitor the site of your surgery and consult your doctor if things aren’t going right. Hypoglycemia Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) happens when after eating, a rise in blood sugar makes your body produce more insulin, which then lowers blood sugar. Unless it’s extreme, this can be managed by changes in your diet. Nutritional Deficiencies Common vitamin and mineral deficiencies among bariatric surgery patients are Vitamin B12, Folate and Zinc, iron, copper, Calcium, and Vitamin D. Potassium deficiency can also be a problem, causing nausea, cramping, and dry skin. Supplements may help. Consult your doctor and dietician. Dehydration The recommended daily intake of water — 64 ounces — may be hard to get down, particularly right after surgery. Eight cups sounds like a lot, but if you break it down to one-fourth cup every 15 minutes for eight of the twelve or so hours you are awake, it is manageable. There’s an app for reminding you when to drink at GetHYApp.com. Clothing Especially in the early weeks and months after surgery, when you are dropping weight fast, you may find you can’t find anything to wear. This may sound like a minor problem, but you might be caught off guard by how much you spend on new clothes as you lose weight rapidly. While you are changing sizes every week or two, you may want to find some ways to save money: Borrow clothes or shop at thrift stores. Shop your closet. Now’s the time to wear those too small items you just couldn’t part with when you were heavier. Don’t buy too much. Get exactly what you need until the next size change. Buy just a few practical basics and splurge on accessories. Don’t buy for the future. Clothes that fit and flatter now are better for your confidence. Alter. If you can’t alter your own clothes, find someone who can and get items altered as you lose weight. Most things can be taken in. Exchange Clothing. If you’re in a support group, consider swapping clothes with other group members. Relationships Social Life Your new body may allow you to make new decisions: to start dating or to go to the beach. But because your body image may not have caught up with the reality of your new body, you may still have the self-doubts you had before. Part of your mind still thinks the way you did before surgery. You may feel unattractive, even invisible. Inside, you still feel fat. Negative self-talk may still be your go-to response to interacting socially with other people. Counseling, a support group, and self-affirmations can help. Most importantly, give yourself credit for all you have accomplished. You’ve come a long way. Different Reactions Sad, but true. Not all of your friends and family will react positively to the new you. Old friends, even family members, may envy or resent your new look. Family, friends, and even strangers may have a range of reactions to the changes in you. Your children may support you, but carry a lot of anxiety, fearing that you may die. Some may become diet police, worried that you’ll regain the weight and ill health of your days of obesity. Some will trust you to know your own needs. Know that others’ reactions don’t mean anything about you. You are taking care of yourself, and that’s a good thing. Getting More Attention Now that you have lost weight, you are probably getting more attention. This may make you uncomfortable. Obesity goes with isolation. In fact, some people use their weight to keep from being in the spotlight. Being noticed may be flattering, but it can also be stressful. Jealousy If you’re married or in a relationship your significant other may be jealous of all the attention you’re getting from other people. Your spouse might fear that the new you might leave the relationship and so may try to sabotage your efforts to maintain your weight loss. Your overweight friends might be jealous in a different way. If monthly dinners out with your “foodie” friends were the main thing that kept you together, or if these friends are not sympathetic to your weight loss efforts, they may, consciously or unconsciously, sabotage you. Remember to surround yourself with people who support you. Don’t judge others who may be struggling, but don’t sacrifice your progress to please them. Guarding Against Judgment The different way strangers and acquaintances perceive you now may make you feel flattered, but also confused and even resentful. You may wonder — do these people like you for yourself, or are they just attracted to your new appearance? Would they have liked you before? People you don’t see every day may not recognize you. Others may make you feel that you’re being judged for your decision to have the surgery. You may be re-introducing yourself to one person and defending yourself to another. It’s understandable that you may be struggling with your sense of self. But, remember, you are worthy of kindness at any weight. Be your own best support. Honoring Your Accomplishment You can’t control the beliefs and behavior of other people, but you can be true to your goals and to yourself. Keep honoring your decision, your hard work, your determination, and your truly astonishing accomplishments. Whatever others say or imply, you are a brave and magnificent person, and you deserve a magnificent life. Embrace Your Future Bariatric surgery is a last-resort choice for losing weight that is killing you. Deciding to go ahead with it and working through all the barriers and difficulties is not for the faint of heart. But for those who choose to go forward, it can be life-saving in many ways. By arming yourself with information about what to expect, you can feel prepared to navigate the weight loss surgery process with greater confidence and ease. Keep coming back to this guide and check in with yourself at every step along the way. Before, immediately after, and long after surgery, remember these key points: Create a support system Take care of your body Believe in yourself No matter where you are in your surgery journey, you deserve the new life you have given yourself. Enjoy. 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I am sooo scared that I won't lose any weight at all .......... I have to take a cocktail of drugs for a neurological condition - which started my weight gain in the first place !!! That would be my worst nightmare - to go through surgery and gain nothing ........