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Good morning gang - just a quick ck in... Apples - too funny - I had a dream this morning about bras - but it was with a girl who use to work here and she and a very unsupported one on :0).... Have a good weekend !!! Ya you have me pretty well tagged - except I can tell you all I come off a lot stronger than I feel sometimes It's my front Last night I wanted to eat - couldn't sleep - but thought - you can't so many pple think you are some lapband godess - so you can't let them down - So I didn't eat - wasn't really hungry just wanted to knock out... Got a busy day today and to nite - but will check in later Hugs

Hello everyone , I have been looking into the sleeve and it seems to be the right choice. I am wanting to ask people what is the advantages and disadvantages of having the surgery. My insurance requires 6 months with a dietician, nutrionist, and physc evaluation (barely passed that lol) , clearance from pcp, clearance from surgeon.. I have completed almost everything except the 6 months dietician i will be done with that the end of this month. Then the dreaded wait from insurance. As time is getting closer i am getting nervous if i am making the right decision? I am a 30 year old mother of 3, married, and have been very over weight for years. Like many others have tried different ways of trying to lose weight, since going to dietician I have already lost 45 lbs. If i could please get some responces on the benefits and disadvantages that would be great. Also what impact does it have on your spouse? As time gets closer I have found my spouse to be very unsupportive. Any advise ?

Hi everyone, well this is my first posting and I must say its fantastic getting to see all the photos and read all the stories from people who have gone down the lapband road. To cut a long story short I came here to the U.S four years ago and fell in love with the woman of my dreams. We got married and now I'm here to stay. Unfortuanatly since being here the weight has just piled on and with that the depression has set in. I was always a big person but living a life which I know enjoy has made me larger than ever. I've thought about doing this for some time now and approached my doctor who said maybe I just needed to exercise!!!! As if I hadn't thought of that!!! I thought then it may be wise to approach my insurance provider, NGS who I guess have to say have been unsupportive. So now I'm here trying to find the best doctor to do the lapband. I have the funding in place but not for American surgeons. I've narrowed it down to a few, Dr.Joya being one of them. Any advice from anyone would be fantastic in deciding where to go. I would also like to see some advice from the men on this site. There seems to be lots of women here but a short supply of men. I'm wondering are things different?, do we get different pains?, do we lose weight the same as ladies? I have loads of questions and would love to see loads of advice. One last thing, how long is the norm from when you contact the surgeon to when you can have surgery, is there a long wait? Like I said its great to see all you wonderful people and I'm really looking forward to making a life changing decision. Congratulations to you all...Gordon

I did the endoscopy today. No pain. I was fine. Got up wasn't dizzy & got my results & left with my unsupportive hubby. Now if you would ask me 2 years ago. My throat was hurting. It hurt to swallow but this time it was perfect!

Since the holidays I have become increasingly noncompliant with the diet, I started sneaking in old bad food behaviors and because I didnt have any negative results I ate more. I have been eating more, more frequesntly and the wrong foods. I have gained 2 pounds, I am depressed, discouraged and have lost my focus. I wish I knew someone else who has had the band, I feel very isolated and unsupported. Has anyone else lost thier way? How do you get back on track? Everyday I say this is it, "Today I am eating right" etc and I "sneak" and eat wrong. I'ts my lifelong behavior pattern and I'm so disgusted with myself. I cant fail with the band like I failed my whole life.

So, my lovely girlfriend took a number of pictures of me standing around in just my boxers, and, yeah... now I remember why 1) I never go shirtless, and 2) I don't like pictures! I believe that, under all the flab, I'm still a basically good looking man. But I have let the fat pile up, in roll after roll, until I'm almost unrecognizable under it. I think I've never really let myself accept just how very fat I've become. I have this bizarre mental image of myself as much more "normal" weight than is reality, but I also live in constant apprehension of someone seeing just how large I am. It's a bizarre mental double-image, and the photos today (which are in my private profile, and are going to stay private until I have some real progress to show!) were... a shock. My weight looks... ungainly, unhealthy, and just unsupportable, long-term. In some ways I think I haven't been fully committed to the surgery until this moment, just now, when I realized "man, if you stay like this, if you don't change something, you are going to die, painfully, and soon." I really understand now why... My back almost always hurts. If it's not my back, it's my shoulder from lying on my side to read or sleep (all that weight on my shoulder causes problems). I almost never sleep well, and fight constantly with apnea. I'm sick so often. I hate exercise so much -- if I walk long distances (or even stand up straight for too long), something is always chafing or rubbing or constricting. It's not surprising... with that much flab to move around, who would be comfortable? I have such a hard time finding clothes that fit. I buy huge, tent-like clothes to try to fit into and "hide" my flab, but let's be real... I'm not fooling anybody. I feel so awkward in social situations -- I'm very body-shy, and it's very difficult for me to avoid the belief that someone is "judging" me for my body. Some years ago, I had LASIK surgery because I was very nearsighted. I had to wear thick, coke bottle glasses (or contacts, but they were killing my eyes). I was very frightened of the surgery, to be honest -- I was worried I would go blind or something. But I got through it; I did my best to follow the surgeon's instructions TO THE LETTER, and when my eyes had fully healed, I had better than 20/20 vision (20/10 in one eye, 20/15 in the other). It wasn't entirely a positive experience; I had to shell out five thousand dollars of my own money (LASIK was still new). It was a little painful and a lot frightening, but I still consider it one of the best choices I've ever made. I still just stare out on this beautiful world, sometimes, and marvel at how nice it is to be able to really SEE without thick lenses or frames chafing my ears or getting smudged or slipping down (and making everything look small, that's one odd effect of glasses that they never mention -- everything looks so SMALL). It was totally worth the money, and I would do it again in a moment. So that's how I'm thinking of the weight loss surgery. I've done the research; on almost every single metric, this surgery will improve my life. It will add years of life expectancy, and (maybe more important), it will likely be QUALITY life, not years spent in sickness and decline. It will restore my mental image of myself as a "normal looking" guy to reality. It will hopefully ease my constant anxiety that something is Dreadfully Wrong with me, health-wise (I'm fortunate that almost all of my anxiety is, for now, ungrounded -- but how long will THAT last?). YES, there will be some initial pain, but apparently not much. YES, I'll have to likely deal with some nausea or "sliming" or whatever, but that's a small price to pay. YES, I'll have to re-learn how to eat, and make good food choices every single day, but to be honest, I should have been doing that anyhow. I'm hoping that, like the LASIK surgery, I'll look back on this in a few years and say "would I do it again? Absolutely, yes. In a heartbeat." Because after looking at myself in all of my non-glory today, I don't like what I see. That much fat just can't be sustained. This kind of life of pain, embarrassment, discomfort, and always waiting for the "other shoe to fall," health-wise, just can't last. I have to do it. I think, now, I may finally WANT to do it.

Hey, that's great! It's always better when family is on board. Nobody needs the stress of unsupportive family/friends.

Tomorrow is my Sleeve surgery. Today I met with my primary care doctor for final clearance. She has never been supportive of the surgery. I asked what does she know about the sleeve, she said that we have less complications then the bypass but most people just gain the weight back... Def not what I wanted to hear the day before surgery.

Thanks finallyncontrol, I have tried mixing meds with similar and the liquid form, unfortunately to no avail. I just empty heave and gag. Probably my bodies natural defence now to prevent further OD's. I am off to see the nurse at my GP today, see if she can shed any light as well as look into my BP. @coloradobanding, I am not focusing on the failure rate nor setting myself up to fail, I just look at things from all angles realistically. If I set myself up and think....yes yes yes this will work and then it does not I am not equipped to deal with that failure after so much getting my hopes up, the mental effect of this can be devastating or even dangerous, so I have to set myself up 50/50 accepting it may or may not work. I guess you have to suffer mental health to understand that perhaps. There is an element of self preservation. My feelings about surgery will not pass, coming out of surgery, not being able to breathe and seeing my life flash before me will never go away, it was hard enough prior to that what with the agoraphobia and social phobia, just being in hospital was a major thing as it was and difficult to keep me there. What does severley pain me is just how disorganised and unsupportive the experience has been. Prior to acceptance for surgery the consultants were very worried about my mental state and ability to cope, however it was accepted and given the go ahead. First time around I was advised against the band and to have a gastric sleeve. The consultant scribbled a diagram on a scrap of paper and gave me a link to a weight lose surgery website that costs money to subscribe, which in turn had lots of contradicting topics. On the day of surgery everything went wrong, surgery postponed, my ivs not working, nurses trying to give me sugar drink when i am diabetic, trying to stick me on a ward when I can only be in a single room, standard bed, not bariatric, a sheet to cover me as no gowns to fit, the list went on, I got cold feet and bolted. Second time around, same consultants, advised No No No to gastric sleeve due to lots of issues, one common one being that they leak. Hmm. perhaps my sixth sense to bolt was right then. I am advised Gastric banding, another crude hand drawing on scrap of paper, absolutely no documentation given at any stage! With such surgery full ducumentation should be given pre-op including what the future will be like, indication of diets and what to expect etc, the good and the bad, people should be suitably informed. What is bugging me the most is SUPPORT. There just is none at all. When I was giving up smoking, I had to sit and speak with a qualified smoking cessation trained Doc, i would then have to come back weekly for support, progress updates and further help, surely any form of gastric surgery should include similar support? Not just discharge from hospital and say....see you in 6 to 8 weeks for the band to be filled and then sent along your way again, no checks or follow ups, no support or anything whatsoever. I knew more post-op when handed a diet booklet, stuff I should have known pre-op. Anyway better cut as I got to go docs now.

@@silhouette I know all about having an unsupportive husband..... it's not fun. this is one of the reasons after 26 years we are getting divorced. How far out of town are you talking about? If worse come to worse, hire someone for the first night. I like some of the rest was able to take care of my self the next day. I was up walking within hours of surgery. Or if you have to stay the night.... i would check in the hotel the day before... Set everything up get all your rx filled. Stock the room with liquids.... get a cab to the hotel. Most likely all you will be doing is sleeping anyway. So he is choosing to let you go out of town alone for surgery just because he is being a HUGE A$$.... The best thing would be to hire a sitter for the kids and have him go... but instead he is going to have to pay for a care giver for you .... wow... what a jerk.

I didn't really tell anyone either. Just my family knew. I did tell one girl at work AFTER the surgery. I knew from just being around people and hearing them talk crap about people who do wls, that most people wouldn't agree. Quite frankly, it's none of their business. It's sad that someone who you thought was your friend was so unsupportive. I have had the same kind of interaction with people over other things before. Screw her! You don't need a friend who is that unsupportive!!

Hi KristiRN, I just wrote this big long reply only for my computer to shut down and make me start all over again.... I have only been banded for a couple of months so Im still learning about my band, but Ill answer the questions that I can. I'm from Australia so I dont know about Dr's in the US or the cost over their, sorry. 3. I was in hospital for one night for observation. I took 10 days off work even though i only arranged to take 3 days off. It took a week for me to be able to get out of bed by myself, and about 3 weeks to be able to sleep on my stomach again. I would take at least 10 days though everyones recovery time is different. I watched a few videos on youtube where people hadf surgery only hours before and were doing a video about their experience. Not me!! 4. The refills are not painful. It is just a needle. A pin prick. I little pinch and then its over. The first fill, though, involves the doctor taking out the air in your band before putting in the saline. When he took the air out of my band I thought I was going to be sick. But that only lasted a few seconds and it only happens with the first fill. 5. It is so important to eat a healthy diet with your band because your main goal is to lose weight ahealthy way, and if you arent going to make an effort to eat good food then dont bother. Some people do have restriction though and cannot eat bread, Pasta or meat. Everyone is different though. Its about finding your greenzone. The only thing that I cannot have anymore is soft drink (soda, fizzy drink). I used to drink at least 2 every day now I dont have any and I dont crave it like I used to. 6. 110 punds is a very realistic goal if you use the lapband as a tool to go with healthy eating and exercise, though I think that it the same with all weightloss. The band helps your brain think you are full, but that is no good if you aren't walking and you're eating McDonalds. I was just talking to a lady who lost 10 pounds in 5 months, though her weight was alot higher than yours. You just need to take charge of your band and use it to work for you. 7. The bad.... The cost, the pain, people asking how I lost weight when its none of their business, my surgeon became very rude, unsupportive, unprofessional and uninformative after my surgery and Im in the process of finding a new one to take over my lapband care, my sister being upset that I am slowly becoming smaller than she is. The good... Knowing that I am going to achieve my goal and live a healthier life, feeling more fit and energetic, having people compliment my loss, even though its only 30lbs so far, having the support of my friends, family, my wonderful GP and this site and other people in the same position, making plans for the future that I have always been too scared to make. I would definitely do this again, though while I was still in pain I said I wouldn't, I am so pleased with my results so far. My advice to you would be to get all of the information you possibly can before the surgery. Make sure you pick the right surgeon and get references. Make sure you have a meeting with the anaesthetist to make sure your pain will be properly managed. Ensure you have everything you will need for post-op care and diet. Be smart and realistic about your goals, break them down. Follow the lapband rules or there is no point doing it. Walk every day, even if it is for 5-10 minutes, make sure you move your body and increase your fitness each week. Ask questions all the time. But most importntly, get advice from your GP. I am not a medical expert, so dont take my advice to the bank. Goodluck with everything. I hope you get the information you need to make the right decision for yourself. Simone.

An interesting thread. The above comments are true; even with a world of support you need to be your own cheerleader (as well as planner, shopper, cook, etc). In fact, I suspect that an entire house of supporters might work against my efforts, as the pressure to succeed would make me crumble! I have zero real-life support. Zero. My kids are teenagers and turned towards themselves, which is completely normal. They notice when I lose weight, but that's about it. My partner is neither supportive nor unsupportive and of no help in motivating me at all. He is quite lazy and his default is bad eating and lack of movement so we are fairly incompatible on this weight loss/more activity journey. (I doubt we will stay together in the longterm, but that's another thread.) Like you, I do everything myself and always have, since a young child. I've been conditioned (and learned) to only rely on myself. I suppose this self-awareness is beneficial, but I would have loved to have an IRL support group just so I could be around people who were going through the same thing, and mirroring their success. I've always used this site as my support team, and recently joined an online webinar course/support group that has given me a shot of oxygen in this journey. When looking for exterior support, I only look towards those who've acheived something I want. In other words, I don't follow blogs/threads of people who are failing their weight loss/maintenance path. I'm someone who is fairly influenced by the hivemind, so if I see others giving themselves permission to fail, it can effect me negatively. So my advice to you is to surround yourself with a good assortment of winners (here, and perhaps thru your surgical practice there is a group?) and avoid those who sabotage or do not live their WLS in a healthy way.

As I've navigated through and reflected on this journey it's become evident to me that the medical community has completely dropped the ball. Prior to my WLS I was required to go to nutrition classes and lose weight. My physical health was adequately monitored. The part that seems absolutely irresponsible to me now is that I was only required to see a social worker for one visit to be deemed ready for surgery. What we're not talking about, not getting real about and continuing to be way too defensive about is the reality that something has gone desperately wrong in a person who eats until they are almost dead and can't move - and still keeps eating. I do not regret the surgery. I'm doing well. Life is good and all but if I had it to do over again I would do it in reverse. For me personally, it went from euphoria to complete emotional meltdown before it got better. People are so eager to hurry, hurry, hurry and take a run at it without really getting to the root of what's wrong. (I'm speaking in generalities here so if what I say doesn't apply to you please do not be offended - if you disagree with me I still love ya.) For me, and everyone I have ever known very well personally who was obese, the weight was the symptom, not the cause. I truly believe, as I was going through the pre-op process, several months of therapy would have made a world of difference. The 300 pound wall of fat that I surrounded myself with kept me numb and apart - lonely but safe. When it got to 120 lost, 130 lost, 140 lost, etc the emotional pain got so intense it was overwhelming and I just couldn't figure out exactly what was wrong. Depressed, angry at the drop of a hat, fearful, anxious and always, always hurting. Getting up every day and plastering that phony smile on my face every day became harder and harder until I just couldn't do it any longer. So I finally sought my answers and I'm ok - managed not to return to food but the process has been an ordeal. What I'm getting stuck on is the medical community has a pretty clear picture emerging of long-term success and failure rates of WLS. You can't just cut away part of a person's body and tell them to drink their Protein shakes expecting everything to resolve. Isn't it time to begin recognizing that just living like that in a world that judges and mocks you for it can devastate a person emotionally? Before we even get to what happened that made this behavior less painful than what we were trying to cover up can we at least start acknowledging that ? The final thought I have is that we have to be very mindful of being smug when one among us struggles or loses their way. I've seen that a lot and I recognize it's really fear of joining them behind the unsupportive behavior and attitudes but it's still ugly. One of the things I like about this site is I rarely see us shooting our own wounded but even here it creeps in sometimes. I've been guilty of it myself. I hope I never make anyone feel bad but if I do, please tell me. Peace

Dawnsunshine, I didn't tell anyone except my husband, mom and 3 friends that I was having surgery and I made them all keep quiet. When I make a decision, nobody is going to change my mind. Especially something I've wanted so bad for so long. I didn't want anyone saying unsupportive things that would make me worry. So what THEY don't know won't hurt ME! The next time someone says that somebody died from having that surgery, ask them how many people die in car/ airplane/ pedestrian accidents? Do they stop going places because they could potentially get killed? Probably not. Do what you have to do to be happy and you won't regret it.

I really hope they are supportive of you too! Just remember, if by chance they are unsupportive at first, you have us! This support group has been a HUGE help for me and so many others. You will always have a place to come and express your concerns, ask questions and celebrate your success. You can do this!! Keep us updated on how things go for you

Tina, Take a deep breath and take the process one step at a time. The approval part with insurance (in my opinion) is the most tedious part. Do you have a letter of medical necessity from your primary care physician? You can see samples of letters and give one to your doc to fill in the blanks. I found a sample on obesityhelp.com and I used this sample coupled with records. I am sure that your doc office can help you with the precertification criteria. You picked a very good doc to do your surgery. Ren and Fielding are the two of the best. Regarding supportive or unsupportive folks, I had the same situation. A lot of folks dont know what the lapband is and they try to compare it to the bypass. My mom kept saying to me, "Why do you want to have the surgery that Al Roker had?" She figured one laparoscopic surgery was like another. NOw she is so proud of my success and sends my pics to everyone. Mostly people who love you worry cause they just dont understand how NON-invasive the lapband surgery is and think you should just be able to lose the weight with traditional "Dieting" which we all know does not work long term. So hang in there, do lots of research and be comfortable with your decision. All of us have been here and you are on your way to a healthier life.! Babs in TX 334/188/170 -146 6/23/03

Hello everyone. I've joined this site about 2 days ago and its been a blessing to me. I'm very new to the bariatric surgery journey. I had my physical exam a couple of weeks ago and then my PCP referred me to the Bariatric program here at Kiaser in southern California. I've done researching since the referral on what type of surgery l would benefit most from because I was originally gonna do the band and I decided that without knowing little about it. However upon joining this site and reading others experience and did research on my own I feel I would benefit most from the sleeve. I'm pre diabetic and pre high cholesterol with a BMI OF 41 my mother recently died from heart disease at 57 and afterwards I read her medical charts and all of her sickness was contributed to morbid obesity. Sure she was a large woman I see large woman who lives long lives. Out of my own ignorance I was suddenly woken up and realize I needed to be healthier for my son and myself. I've been so excited that I was gonna embark on this life changing journey (nervous but excited, normal right?) Then I began telling my grandmother about me might wanting to do This and she has been against it from the jump! She just know what she heard......mostly complications which we all know there is some risk which I've come to realize it's worth the risk for a healthier life. I don't wanna start pill popping I want to start doing better now and what more better way. Then I told a friend (one who just judge folks and gossip) she was like "omg I can't believe you doing that I'm scared for you" I explained but not very supportive. I told a family member and they were unsupportive. I originally told my bestie but she work with 2 banders and she often tells of them vomiting during work and one is having complication. My bestie is a good friend, she doesn't think I need it but she said she would support me either way, so she may be the only one who knows. She will accompany me on surgery day. Anyways long story short I have no support I wish I wouldn't have even told them but I decided now to not mention it any more, if they ask I'm gonna have them thinking I'm not getting it anymore because I don't want them in my business if they are non supportive. So I'm blessed to have joined this site you all have been helpful in your own way. Just reading others past and current situation has made all the difference. God bless you all

I also "came out" on Facebook. Can't say anyone was particularly supportive regarding the surgery, but no unsupportive comments either. But I worded it very carefully and I really didn't leave an opening to comment one way or another. I really don't care what anybody thinks since I am so sure it was the right choice for me. However, people are always eager to tell you you look better than you did before....what a mind job that is....

I have not told my father or stepmother about my upcoming surgery. We're not super close, though we live about 10 miles from each other. My father's birthday is 2 days before my surgery and I am wondering if I should tell him when I see him to give him his present. Here's the thing: my father is horribly judgmental about women's weight. He often comments on it, and he did it to me when I was growing up. I think that in part my getting fat was in defiance of him - being exectly what he didn't want me to be. Nothing is more important to him in a woman than appearance - not intelligence, compassion, humor, etc. We have had a very strained relationship for years. I am currently trying to decide how much I want him in my life, and I feel like if I don't tell him about the band, then I am making a decision to NOT be close to him, a decision I wasn't feeling ready to make yet. But then I think, why tell him? It would be undermining my success. If I had to predict his behavior based on past experience, he would be initially very supportive (like he was with any diet), then turn to put-downs, teasing, and being the misogynist that he is. I suppose by writing this I am answering my own question: that I should not tell him, if I want to protect my self, and respect the band and the great lengths I am going to to get healthy. It's just hard b/c it's bringing up all these issues I have with him.:cry Thanks for listening. If you have any advice/insight/encouragement I'd love to hear it.

I am so ashamed to even be typing this. TL;DR is that my surgery was originally scheduled for last April and through various setbacks with scheduling and an unsupportive family, my date has changed 3 times. It is now FINALLY set for October 19 and nothing is stopping me this time. HOWEVER, way back when it was in April, I decided to have a "food funeral" and do things "one last time" like going out to the chinese buffet etc. Well as you can guess, since it's been pushed back, without even really realizing this, I have been eating that way since April. So imagine why shock when I stepped on the scale at the Dr last week to see that I had gained nearly 25lbs since April. I am now at my heaviest weight EVER. Please help me get my mind in focus and back on track. What is the best way I can start TODAY/Right now to get ready for my post surgery life (and kick start the weight loss etc.) Thanks so much, you all are such an inspiration!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe it isn't that he's unsupportive . It could be fear. This is surgery and with surgery there are risks. It's a life style change for the entire family and it's unfamiliar. To fear the unfamiliar is normal.

@@pinksjo1 many times "we" read posts about people being unsupportive, nasty and down rirght rude about people's individual/personal decision to have WLS how nice it is to see the other side of the coin your co-workesr are aces they see all the hard work you have gone through, and will continue 100 lbs down!!!! welcome to the century club always nice to greet another successful, smiling face keep up the good job (i know you will) kathy congrats