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I thought it might happen. I've been going to my pcp for 6 years now went in with headaches and diagnosed with HTN and I was 318lbs @ the time. 2 years aago after telling me again that I needed to control my weight and changing me to stronger meds she said "and don't think you going to do it the "cheating way" with a bypass". ok no problem by that time I was 322. I'm doing my research and I'm hoping the lap band is the thing for me, I'm certainly ready to give it my all and I just did 1 year of nutrisystem losing 30 lbs and gaining 35lbs. I go in yesterday (my birthday) for my annual. I mention that my knee is killing me I aviod stairs, and lo and behold 1 weigh 328 (lovely). She proceeds to tell me that "all i have to do is lose weight" - Ya think? -Didn't I feel better when I lost the 30 lbs. -My hormone levels are fine so there's no medical reason that I can't lose weight. -Maybe I should do like her (maybe 5 lbs over her ideal weight mind you) and get on the scale everyday and if i find I'm a pound or two over cut back on my intake. I mean shes a cardiologist/internist does she really think it's that easy, has she lost her mind? If I could lose weight and keep it off - DONT YOU THINK I WOULD!!! Jesus Mary and Joseph give me a break. Needless to say she doesn't "approve" of WLS. so i'll be looking for a new pcp to do the supervised weight loss and referral for me. What a day - Happy Birthday to me- sorry really needed to vent

I really need some support right now. This is long, so I apologize in advance. This board was just the best place for me to turn to. I have 2 best friends - I've been friends with both of them for 26 years (since I was 5). One ® is obese, the other (K) has basically been a size 6 or 8 her whole life, and is just trying to lose the last 10 lbs from her pregnancy. My obese friend ® is the one who invited me to attend the lapband seminar with her. Afterwards, with the information, I was much at ease and begin considering it, especially since it was much less dangerous than gastric bypass, and I know at least 5 people who have successfully had gastric. It turned out R's insurance excluded the surgery, but I've been approved and am having it Dec 28th. So far, only my mom, dad, and my friend "R" who invited me to the seminar know that I'm having lapband surgery. Out of the blue today, my skinny friend "K" asked if I ever went to that seminar with "R" and what she thought of it. I told her it wasn't covered under her insurance, and she said "Good" and then started talking about how she didn't think people should have surgery just to lose weight, etc. So I'm sitting here, knowing I'm having it in 3 weeks listening to this (which reaffirmed my decision not to tell her because she obviously won't be supportive). I did make a comment to her that when people have 100-150 lbs to lose, its practically impossible to lose it on your own and keep it off. She said yeah, I've been trying to just lose 10 lbs. To make a long story short, now I am doubting myself. Wondering if I am putting myself at risk of dying "just to lose weight" when I could leave my 15 year old son without a mother. He will be out of town with my father when I have the surgery. He sees his dad, who doesn't even pay child support or attend his birthday parties or sports events, etc 2 days a month. His dad lives a totally different lifestyle - its always been just the two of us (me & my son). I couldn't forgive myself if I elected to do something that caused my son to lose me (even though I guess I would be dead I wouldn't even know). As you can see, my state of mind is not good right now...I don't know why I am letting my friend affect me like this. Now I'm thinking about death. Something that I hadn't really worried about after I saw the video of the actual surgery. I've always had a fear of dying and leaving my son to end up living with his father. It took a lot for me to be strong enough to undergo this surgery. Its not a decision I took lightly. I've had surgery before (cesearean when I had him) and that was much more invasive, and I was up taking care of him the next day, and obviously I lived. I don't know what I'm looking for in writing this post......maybe just letting my fears out, maybe asking if others had the same fear, or dealt with the same situation with a friend. I should be able to tell my best friend that I'm having surgery, but she has always been a very judgemental person. Thanks in advance for any wise words....

Maybe I'm just direct, but when did being candid with people become unsupportive or insensitive? You ask, I'm going to tell you how I feel and I may not agree with how or what you want me to say. When did that not become ok on this forum?

My mother fat shames me all the time and tells me that I've let her down and she's disappointed in me bc of my weight. I'm at the point where I want to have this surgery, and lose the weight and never see my own mother again! She's actually told me before that she doesn't want to see me until I'm thin. It's really bad. I've only gone to see her once this year (Mother's Day ) She keeps trying to give me incentives.. A whole new wardrobe.. If I lose weight.. She's very wealthy and I get an inheritance from my Father who passed away 6 years ago.. But my mother holds all the cards. She has threatened me several times to not give me the money if I don't lose weight. (My home situation is such that getting a job making less than my inheritance gives is not an option for me) I was at my lowest weight last year (40 pounds less than I am right now) And my mom still fat shamed me bc I hadn't got to my perfect weight yet after all these years.. She bettered me in front of a friend. I've forgiven her bc she asked me to. But then it seems she hurts me again. This last time of fat shaming was a week ago. Yet other times she tries to be supportive... It's a strange relationship.. Thank the Lord I have such a wonderfully supportive Husband and grown children. Also, I'm learning: When she says something negative To say to myself: "I don't have to own that I don't have to react" It goes much better when I follow this and it's empowering and freeing

been havin such a hard time with my boss lately. she used to be a friend, but she just never was good to me and i had enough. so for about a yr now i've disstanced myself from her. she's my boss so i have to talk to her, but my jobs pretty free where i can go a few days without having to see or talk to her. she's delusional and still calls me a friend. well, with that being said, she thinks she can put inputs about my decisions on a personal level. i informed her last month that i would be getting lap band in february and will need to take a week off. she then said something so shocking that i wanted to clock her... ..she told me i was going to die from the surgery. now it didnt scare me. but i was shocked that any kind of person would tell someone before surgery that. she then proceeded to call it the "death surgery". i was annoyed, but not scared. she's crazy. and i've never hated somebody so much before in my life. ..then today, she said it to me again, told me i was going to die and she would not be attending my funeral. i just lost it, i let her break me. i burst into tears because of fustration and shock that someone would say these things. i dont know if she just doesnt want me to get it, or she's trying to make me break down. either way..she's really low. now dont get me wrong. im not scared by any means, i know things can go wrong, but im pretty confident and am not worried or scared. my question is, she is a personnel manager, so shes in human resources..now i dont think this is right to talk to people like this being in human resources. is anyone out here in human resources? if so, or if anyone has any knowledge about it, is there something or anything i could do? she needs to know she cant talk to people like that, but i just dont know if theres any rules. any help would be appreciated. and thanks for listening to my rant.

I have only told 2 people other than my hubby (of course). The main reason I told these people about my plans is I will need someone to watch my boys when the time comes and I didn't want to throw this on them last minute. I told my sister in law and my mother (my mother told my grandmother, so technically 3 ppl other than hubby). My SIL has had some questions, mostly concerning the fact that I will be doing it in Mexico (she was afraid they would have dirt floors or something ) but once I explained it all (and assured her they had real floors) she has been supportive since. My grandmother hasn't weighed in one way or the other, but my mother is trying to talk me out of it. She seemed like she was going to be supportive at first but today at physical therapy (she had open heart surgery recently) she talked to a nurse who had nothing good to say about WLS and said she should "try to talk me out of it" (my moms words). Now my mom is not being supportive at all. I finally settled on Dr. Aceves and I was telling her about all the things I have read about him, about how everyone every where sings his praises and how I haven't really fond anything negative about him. I even mentioned what I read on here about him teaching American doctors how to do the surgery, and about him being accredited by american organizations. I thought doing so would ease her mind but she seems more unsupportive of the surgery in general not just about going to Mexico. I have given her all the information I have to give. I am going to need her help and support to get through this and if she doesn't come back around.... I don't know what I will do. I tried to explain it in a way I thought she would understand. She has diabetes, heart disease, high BP, sleep apnea, etc. I have borderline cholesterol and BP, the heavier I get the worse and more frequently I get palpitations and there is a possibility I may have sleep apnea but I have never been tested but I have alot of the symptoms. My father also has diabetes, high BP and sleep apnea. I explained that I am trying to prevent all the things she has gone through BEFORE they become very real and present dangers. I explained that I have done alot of research and feel that WLS is my way out of the life she has had to live. I reminded her of all the diets and pills and overkill workouts I have done only to lose a few pounds then turn around and gain it all back then some. She asked me why not try WW and I said "Why? It will only delay the inevitable! People lose weight from WW, yes, but you constantly hear about people who gained every bit of it back. Why put myself through the hell of yet another failed attempt then end up getting the surgery anyway?" None of the above made her anymore supportive She knows me! She KNOWS I don't dive into things head first without looking first. She KNOWS I do my homework on any big decision. Why can't she just trust that, trust ME, instead of some random nurse she came across. Because she is a nurse? HELLO!!?? Nursing student here!!! What can I do to bring her around? If I can't bring her around how do I deal with the fact that one of the most important people in my life is against this?

Hello everyone, I am 18 and am scheduled to have the gastric banding surgery in December of 2009. I am quite nervous because I have a very unsupportive family. My dad told me I was taking the "easy" way out by surgery. I have always been overweight since the day I was born. I think its time that I do something that will help me. I only have a few close friends who do not understand what I going through physically, emotionally, and mentally. If there is anyone around my age or just someone that has good advice I need it. I do not think this will go very well without supportive people in my life. I'd appreciate the help. ~Katie

Sigh. I don't know if I'm right or wrong here. So I was sitting down talking to my mom about my surgery, and she says "we're going to get through this as a family". So I think cool, they want to help me, I start explaining to her about how I'm going to be on a clear liquid diet for a while and other things and I ask her if she could stop buying certain foods (Cookies, ice cream, and muffins) because it will help me not be tempted and she starts freaking out, like I shot her or something. She said I was self-centered, that I'm not the only one in this house, that I need more self control, that I'm ungrateful ect. I can't believe someone would react like this over some junk food. It makes me think maybe I'm not the only one with a food addiction, and It just makes me sad. Do you guys think it's selfish of me to ask her not to buy these things? I don't think I've asked her for too much. I'm paying for everything related to my surgery on my own. In my opinion nobody really needs food like that anyway, in fact my family would be healthier without it. I always kind of figured I'd be in this alone. I'm kind of the black sheep in my family.

My family ( predominantly my mother) have been very interested and quite supportive of my choice to get the rny until I actually had my surgeon appt and made my insurance application. Now she is refusing to even acknowledge the topic and constantly changes the subject when I update her on progress. Im still waiting to hear if my insurance application has been approved ( submitted yesterday) and today I made the decison that if im declined, I will go ahead and self pay (eek! huge loan). My mom's reaction is now even worse. I know she'll be understandably worried or dealing with her own regrets over weight and health. ..but its a horrible feeling to not have her support suddenly. It's making me wonder if I'm making the right choice. Anyone else had close family turn a bit strange the closer they got to surgery??

Wow, how did today go from GREAT to UCK so fast? So my dad has recently been sleeved and I had finally come to my own realization that I was ready for that as well. Luckily after a great conversation with my folks, they were very supportive of my decision. My family is very close and while I don't NEED their support it means a lot to me that I have it. So I figured everything was good and so brought the matter up with my grandmother. Lets just say that the awkward silence after I 'spilled the beans' when I was talking on the phone with her was epic. I couldn't tell if she was shocked (although I don't know why) or in major disapproval. I guess I was just taking it for granted that she would be supportive of my decision and it surprised me to find out that it doesn't seem like she is. I'm hoping that maybe after she thinks about it, and after further conversation, she'll have a better reaction. I really just wanted to shout, "I've been overweight for YEARS and it's not getting better. I need help and getting this surgery is not shameful and it does not somehow make me weak. It takes strength to know when you need help and to have the courage to go forward into the unknown. I will be happier and healthier...so whats not to like?" Even if her reaction doesn't change I'm still going forward with this because in the end it's my life...but I would be lying if I said that it doesn't make me sad. Did anybody else face something like this from your family/friends? If so, how did you deal with it? What did you say? Thanks! ~Lyra

This is a rant, not a rave, and it's worth noting that I'm angrier than usual, right now, because the news (in the US) has me rubbed raw, and I don't imagine being on the pre-op liquid diet is exactly helping my mood. Anyway... I always have this very strong set of emotions for everyone in these forums whose partners aren't supportive. A little of it is that I'm impressed at their fortitude--I just wouldn't put up with some of the behavior I read about, and I admire their patience. (I don't think they should put up with most of those behaviors, to be clear; I'm just impressed that they can.) Some of it is bafflement, that they do put up with it and don't leave, or react negatively enough to prevent the behavior from recurring. Some of it is, you know, specific anger at the partners' lack of support, and some of it is just a deepening of this constant underlying feminist rage that so many of us have been feeling in recent years, because gender roles so often play such a huge part in all of this, and it's infuriating, in 2018, when we should all know better. (There are, on occasion, unsupportive wives, sure, absolutely. But that is not what the bulk of the stories we see here are. Please don't @ me with stories of unsupportive wives. All of this post applies to them, too, besides the part right before the parentheses.) We just see so much bad behavior. "This is extra hard because I have to cook for my partner and kids." Have to? "My partner keeps bringing my specific trigger food into the house after I've asked him not to. There are any number of snacks he'd enjoy as much, foods that wouldn't be problems for me, but he brings that." "My partner told me not to have the surgery, even though all of my doctors support it, even though I have educated him about the benefits and about how minimal the risks are, and even though insurance covers most of it." It makes me furious. And there isn't a thing I, or anyone else on these forums, can do about it. Encouraging people to leave their partners when they aren't ready to do so is rarely helpful. (And I do recognize we're only getting part of the story. Maybe not every single one of these people we hear about deserves a breakup/divorce, though a few of them... whew.) The kind of bad behavior we see some partners exhibiting is probably not a good indicator that they'd be up for couples' counseling, so there's not a ton of value in suggesting that. I guess we can encourage the person coming to us on the forums to seek their own therapy; that's how a lot of folks learn to set good boundaries and to see the patterns that are constructive, versus those that are destructive. But it's infuriating, right? Like, we can tell people how to change their own behavior, how to work around sabotage, but we know they're going to have this constant battle, for as long as their partner refuses to change--or to allow them to change, which is more the point. I guess, for my own part, I could do a better job of avoiding those threads. If I can't help (at least not much), then there's not a lot of sense in getting on that emotional rollercoaster in the first place. But now I know how widespread this is, and I'm ... just ... so ... angry!

First of all, I love my wife. She does not yet know that i have decided to have the lapband procedure. I have brought the subject up but she quickly dismisses it. She doesn't understand (she has never had a problem with her weight) and she is not interested in listening to me. Part of this is my fault because of all the diets i have been on and failed. When i talk about the lapband she says stuff like "just excersize more and eat less." While that is something i need to do, it is not that simple. My wife also can' t keep a secret. I can't tell her anything i would like kept confidential because she tells her aunt, mother and sister everything. They are not people i want to know about what i am doing. They are not always positive influences. I am moving forward without my wife's support. I feel bad that i have to do this alone but i know i can do it and when the time is right, i will tell her, i just need to be prepared to deal with all the side show crap that will come from her side of our family. Thanks for listening. Any help is appreciated!

Got banded on 12/28 after 20+ years of gaining and losing and gaining weight. Was 303 before my liquid diet started three weeks before surgery. I now weight 261 one week after surgery. Everything going fine, trying to buckle down to try to lose and keep off another 40 pounds. Has spouses or other significant folks in your life who know of your band adopted stances that with the band you ought to go back to weighing what you did when you were in college? My spouse feels I should be losing another 50 to 60 pounds with the band, which would make my BMI around 15%. Making me feel like anything less is failure. Has anyone else had this happen?

As many of you already know I have a best friend that is completely unsupportive of lap band surgeries. I had been researching the surgery for several years before I finally started the process about a year ago. I told her that I was contemplating having the surgery and her response was that "I was being IRRESPONSIBLE and I needed to be thinking of my family!' I was furious with her response not only because my main purpose in having the surgery was for my family but because she knew how much i had struggled with loosing weight. I have had several back surgeries so exercising, except aquatic therapy, is almost impossible. We worked together for several years and so she knows my eating habits and in fact she usually ate more than me, never worked out but she can maintain a healthy weight. I actually think though that it has to do with her own insecurities, We went to high school together and I was much thinner, but actually the same size as her, but I was the one who usually received the most male attention. Since gaining weight she has had all the male attention. We are both happily married, but I do believe she likes the attention. I had not talked to her since January, when this conversation took place, my reasoning because I thought she needed to apologize. She has been mad at me for contemplating having lap band. Anyhow, she messaged me last Thursday, the day after surgery, because she found out about my daughter being in the hospital with a concussion. I told her I just had surgery, but I told her it was to have a hernia fixed. Since then we have been messaging back and forth and everything was going okay, kind of back to normal, until she askes if "I am still thinking about having that ridiculous surgery?" I didn't answer her and she says "Are you sure that isn't why you had surgery" Again, I didn't respond to her question. So then she says, "we need to get together sometime and go out to eat, and then we will find out the truth!" I honestly don't know how to deal with her anymore. Do I tell her the truth and listen to the backlash or just leave her alone and go on with my life? I'm not sure if a true friend would treat me this way!

Tomorrow is my Sleeve surgery. Today I met with my primary care doctor for final clearance. She has never been supportive of the surgery. I asked what does she know about the sleeve, she said that we have less complications then the bypass but most people just gain the weight back... Def not what I wanted to hear the day before surgery.

Tomorrow is my Sleeve surgery. Today I met with my primary care doctor for final clearance. She has never been supportive of the surgery. I asked what does she know about the sleeve, she said that we have less complications then the bypass but most people just gain the weight back... Def not what I wanted to hear the day before surgery.

I have not told my father or stepmother about my upcoming surgery. We're not super close, though we live about 10 miles from each other. My father's birthday is 2 days before my surgery and I am wondering if I should tell him when I see him to give him his present. Here's the thing: my father is horribly judgmental about women's weight. He often comments on it, and he did it to me when I was growing up. I think that in part my getting fat was in defiance of him - being exectly what he didn't want me to be. Nothing is more important to him in a woman than appearance - not intelligence, compassion, humor, etc. We have had a very strained relationship for years. I am currently trying to decide how much I want him in my life, and I feel like if I don't tell him about the band, then I am making a decision to NOT be close to him, a decision I wasn't feeling ready to make yet. But then I think, why tell him? It would be undermining my success. If I had to predict his behavior based on past experience, he would be initially very supportive (like he was with any diet), then turn to put-downs, teasing, and being the misogynist that he is. I suppose by writing this I am answering my own question: that I should not tell him, if I want to protect my self, and respect the band and the great lengths I am going to to get healthy. It's just hard b/c it's bringing up all these issues I have with him.:cry Thanks for listening. If you have any advice/insight/encouragement I'd love to hear it.

I just need a little time to vent - thanks for listening in advance So yesterday I went to the first of my 6 month meetings with the nutritionist. I was so excited to finally be starting this, because I have been researching this surgery for years, and at last my insurance covers it! I started the process three years ago, was going to weight watchers again, and decided that this would be the right thing for me - to find out that my insurance did not cover it. So I tried it again, counting calories, going to the gym, etc to no avail. But I never told anyone about these diets I was doing, because I was afraid I was going to fail like I had done so many times before. Fast forward to yesterday, I'm so excited walking out of the nutritionists office, who gave me a glowing review saying that I would be a great candidate for the surgery. My mother calls me and I tell her where I was, and why I was there. She proceeds to yell at me, saying I don't know what i'm doing, this is a drastic surgery, there are so many complications, it's not reversible, i'm lazy, I dont exercise enough, do you know that this is a LIFE change, what am i thinking, blah blah blah. Keep in mind, that I am 28 years old, married (my husband is super supportive of whatever I decide to do) and haven't lived with my mother in about 4 years. She has no idea what i've tried and what i haven't. Plus, I have done so much research that I know all the ins and outs. I told her, that this matter is not up for discussion, that she could be supportive or we would not talk about it. She said bye and hung up. We have not talked since. I know she is probably just scared for me but dang, I really didn't think she would react like this.

I'm really not sure how I should feel about this, first week of my liquid diet my husband was amazing! Didn't flaunt or eat certain things in front of me as a form of support. Well, this week blows! He went grocery shopping and got tons of bags of candy, tummies, chocolate, and chips! Tons! Like 6 bags and even a bag of pork rinds. He said the boys and him are kinda like bachelors while I'm getting sleeved. tonight they are cooking tater tots and crispy fried chicken. I decided to stay in the other room until they are done so I don't drool! I haven't cheated at all, but if I see another boring shake or can of freakin cream Soup I'm going to scream! Anyone else share my pain?

This is the text: Sorry you are having such a hard time with your new lifestyle...you know nothing is as easy as they say it will be... WTF?

Hi just wondering if anyone has experienced their partners not being entirely supportive. I'm due to get my surgery in 4 weeks and my partner isn't being overly supportive. He says that once I loose all my weight I will leave him. We have two children together an have been together for over 3 years. I love him with my whole heart and wouldn't leave him but I have no idea how to prove that to him and can't help but feel that he is putting negative pressures on me!

Hi all, I am new here and almost finished with my 6 months of evaluations and classes. I'm hoping for a Jan or Feb surgery date. I decided not to tell anyone that I was going through the process except my husband, at least until it got closer to the time. A few weeks ago I decided to tell my mother inlaw and sister inlaw, who have been very supportive, as has been my husband every step of the way. I do not have a very good relationship with my mother, it has gone downhill in the past few years and in the past year I have only seen her on holidays. I am an only child and she has always been a single parent (my Dad was never in the picture). I decided to tell her I was going to do this, rather than keep it a secret. I had no idea her reaction was going to be so horrible, or I may have just decided to keep it to myself We went out to lunch and I told her and she immediately was very shocked and upset. She spent the rest of the car ride home telling how opposed she is to 'these types of procedures' and how she knows countless people who have had WLS and how horribly it has gone wrong and they ALWAYS gain the weight back. I let it go and just didn't say anything. Since then (several weeks ago) she has been sending me emails listing all the reasons why she thinks I shouldn't do this and how I have no idea what I'm in for and how terrible the repercussions will most likely be for me and I'm 'headed down the wrong path' and I must be 'out of my mind' and that she is so strongly opposed to this that it 'sickens' her, etc, etc, etc :smile2: I have calmly tried to explain to her the points where she is wrong ....I think she actually has very little knowledge about the lapband itself, but lumps all WLS together. She has a medical degree (not human medicine) and tends to be a bit of a 'know it all' :thumbup: She keeps saying she just wants what's best for me, and if I just put a little effort into it, I could do this on my own. The last email I responded to her I gave her all the facts about the surgery and said that I needed to make the best decision for myself and my family (I have 3 kids under 6 years old) and very loving supportive husband and inlaws. After being overweight my whole life and emotionally tormented much of my childhood by her trying to get me to lose weight, pointing out my appearance, etc. I know this is the right decision for me. I can already see my 6 year old daughter starting to be overweight and I do NOT want her to have the same problems that I struggled with I want to be a healthy mom making good decisions and setting a good example. My mom is hardly even a part of my life anymore because she is such a negative person in general I have deliberately shut her out and she really has made almost zero attempt to be a part of mine or my kids lives. I suppose I am letting her opinion bother me much more than I should. Even though she is barely a part of my life anymore, somehow I still wanted her to be encouraging and supportive and she wasn't. Not only wasn't she encouraging, she has been downright insulting towards me about this and it still stings. I guess I am still learning how to live my life without her 'approval' for things....isn't funny how even when we are adults and our parents may have not done such a hot job sometimes we still seek their approval for things? If you have made it this far bless your heart I guess I'm just looking for a little emotional encouragement. Thanks for listening

I have thought about getting bariatric surgery for a very long time.. over 10 years. Now that I've finally gotten my husband Ok with it, and I have made my consultation appt, my sister and mother are now really coming out as unsupportive about it! I'm really shocked. My sister is my best friend and she almost seems angry that I've made this decision.. Anyone else have experience?

My parents are trying to talk me out of Lapband. They said it will "ruin my entire life". It will change my life but I want to be reasonable and not so head-strong for Lapband that I will not even consider anything else.

So my sister had the surgery the same time as me. We started at different weights (her a little less than me) and she rubs it in my face constantly that I'm "fatter." I went boot shopping and nothing fit my calfs and that was just more ammo! Idk what to do anymore... Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App