amf1122jr

I don't really know what to write here. I am 32 years old, but I feel like I'm 60...I have been obese most of my life, and have had health issues because of it. I have gotten to the point where my health is in terrible shape, with sinus infections, aches, pains, sleep apnea, asthma, fatty liver, and other issues. I look at myself in the mirror and feel like crying, I can't believe I've let myself get to this point. I have tried dieting and Weight Watchers, but I never really gave it a TRUE shot, and I hate myself for that. I find it strange that I am more nervous about the foods I will be able to eat after the surgery, rather than about the surgery itself. Food is an integral part of my life. I am Jewish and grew up in a house that came together around food, that always pushed food, that always celebrated food. I went to culinary school, and am in the food industry. I feel like I can't escape food, that it is a special part of me, and the thought of giving up my most favorite foods for this surgery is scaring the pants off me, but I know I have to do it...I have to do it for my wife of 10 years, for my year old twins, for the people that love me, but mostly for myself....I need to feel better, to look better. I want to get a good night's sleep, with no apneas. I want to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with my apperance. I want a six pack. I want to climb a flight of stairs or walk more than two blocks before I need to rest and relax. I want to stop sweating just because I'm fat. I want to go shopping in stores I've never been to because they never had my size. I want to walk into a room and have women look at me like a piece of meat, not in disgust. I want to be free....