neenee717

Okay so about me. I have been overweight for as long as I can remember. In my baby pictures I was fat, chubby whatever you want to call it. I come from family of overweight women. Bottom line I love food and love to eat it when happy, sad or feeling blue, but mostly when feeling blue. I feel like I've been on roller coaster all my life. lose a few, gain a few, lose a few, gain a whole lot. Food has has always been big deal in my family with its southern roots. I was teased in school growing up although I was very pretty I would say. most of teasing was weight related because there was nothing else to pick on. I was always cute and smart. Now at 39 I decided to get the lap band because I felt my body could not take anymore of the assaults that I launched upon it. I walked across the stage in 2009 to get my master degree and thought my skin would rupture . I refused to buy any of the pics because I was ashamed at who I had become physically. I went to see a childhood friend last spring and was embarrassed that we had to switch seats at restaurant because my butt was too large to fit in the booth. Talk about humiliation!  On the outside I was confident, well dressed, intelligent, but on the inside I felt like I was dying inside. I have a very fit and active son and I felt like I failed him because he always wanted to be out and about and would finish my sentences by saying " I know, I know, the answer is NO because you're too tired" that broke my heart. He doesn't deserve that. I developed high blood pressure at age 9 which I ended up this year having to take medicine, knees started getting bad and deteriorating and aching, short of breath, developed GERD and had a scare earlier in 2010 that I was in congestive heart failure. My son looked at me and said "mama what if the test doesn't come out okay, whats gonna happen?" That was the last straw for me! I thought food is good but its not worth my life and leaving the ones I love the most to mourn. Its time for me to get it together. I talk with my family physician and she thought it was great idea and would help to solve the physical ailments I was developing. I prayed about it and sought the advice of Dr. Bonomo in NC who has experience with the lap band system. I spent from 3/10-8/10 in nutrition program and lost 34lbs prior to surgery. On 9/16/10 I had surgery and I'm on the road to recovery. There's lots of facets to the story but i'll leave them out. Im ready for a change and it begins with me. My past relationship with food and I are going through a divorce  of sorts and I have to heal emotionally and spiritually in addition to physically. I want all that life has to offer. Sure I'm gonna eat cause I love food but I can no longer abuse it and use it to handle unresolved issues. Im ready to take on the world and see all that it has to offer for me. Ive been in my personal prison too long and held my own self back. But no more! The sky is the limit to what I can have!!!! I look forwrd to meeting new people on this site and who knows perhaps someday, we can do a reunion or getaway of sorts. The words I'm living by is " If you continue to do the things you've always done, you'll continue to get  the same result"!