yessss1212

I am scheduled for lapband on August 20, 2010.  I am so nervous and scared. My last surgery was when I was 5 yrs old and it was for tonsils.  I am such a "negative" thinker that I feel that Im surely going to have a bad surgery experience. But, Ive reached that point in my life that I am ready to do this..and I NEED to do this.  I think about being fat every second of every day. I am always thinking about how everyone must be thinking how disgusting I am.  I cant ever enjoy myself because for some reason Im thinking how everyone must be staring at me..disgusted.  I never want to do anything with anyone that isnt in my "comfort zone". I have missed so much in my life.  Im so sick of the comments I get from people like "your face is soo pretty", or "if you'd lost weight you'd be a knock out", or "ya, my friend is big..shes even bigger than you", or "how can you have such big legs and no cellulite"..People sometimes dont think when they talk..if if they think they are complimenting you..they really arent...BECAUSE in the statement "your face is sooo pretty"...Im thinking WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF ME? IM A PACKAGE DEAL..ugh....and nowhere will I ever remember or be proud of that word pretty!  Im sick of when someone gives me a compliment, Im embarressed and hate it.  I hate waking up being me...I hate feeling like an outcast because I am fat.  Last winter I got stuck in my driveway and was on my knees shoveling, my neighbor guy walks out looks at me gets in his car and leaves! Didnt help at all..so i go to work and tell my coworkers...and my coworker says "oh man what a jerk..I bet if you were some cute, little thing he wouldve helped"!..And he thought nothing of it...and all i can think about all these months later is that comment.  So, I have decided because of all of the above, I need to do this. No matter the consequences, I have to do this. I need this in my life so that I HAVE a life!  Dont get me wrong, I have a wonderful family, a great supportive husband and in-laws, and lots of wonderful friends that surround me. I am not at all locked in my house with noone..Its not the outer me and the funny me..with issues..its whats inside that isnt happy! Just because I laugh and make everyone laugh (you know what I mean the fat girl is always so damn funny :)......Im still conflicting in my head.  I want to get up one day, throw on a tank top, a skirt and flip flops on a hot humid day! NOT my capris and tshirt...I want to walk into a crowded room..and feel normal!  This IS going to be good for me.  I wish you all so much luck..and hope to beable to share back and forth with some great folks about our experiences.  After all that  i DO have questions...1. average weight loss at first/monthly 2. do you feel sick/nauseous after surgery w/ no food 3. how was recovery?