elizabeth_ahmad

I am a 34 year old mother of a beautiful  3 year old daughter and  married to a wonderful guy.  I live in New York State on Long Island.  I am college educated with a BA in English and an AA in Latin.. I am the only one in my family to go to college and finish.  I work for the state at the College at Old Westbury.  I am also morbidly obese at 5 ' 4" and weighing 265 lbs with BMI of 45.  I have PCOS, asthma, pre-diabetes, joint pain, mild chemical depresssion, and stress incontinence.  I have been fat all of my life.  Some of it is genetic, but a great deal of it is poor eating habits that were forced upon me growing up.  I grew up poor in Louisiana.  Food often consisted of Cajun Cuisine heavy on rice, meat and gravy.  We also ate alot of hot dogs, pot pies, hamburger helper, store bought pizzas, fast food, etc.  We didn't have alot in the way of vegetables other than canned green beans and canned corn.  Fruit consisted of bannanas and apples, once in a while, pears that came from our tree, every summer, and if we were lucky, oranges, grapes or other fruit a few times a year. My mother also had absolutely no idea of portion control.  She gave us adult size portions and made us eat everything on our plates.  My grandmother once told me that after I was born, around a year old, my grandmother came to visit us.  My father was scarmbling 3 eggs to give to me.  My grandmother was astonished and asked him why would he give me 3 eggs.  His answer was, "Well she likes it."  My mother also had a psychotic fear that somehow her 3 daughters would be hungry going to bed.  She gave us hot chocolate and toast or a bowl of cereal and milk every night before going to bed.  How she could think we were hungry when all 3 of us could roll faster than we could walk is beyond me.My grandmother constantly criticized my weight.  I went on my first diet around 11 yrs old.  I lost weight only to regain it back.  It began a long cycle of loosing and gaining.  I have almost everything under the sun: Sugar Busters, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, diet pills, exercise, etc., etc., etc.  Nothing keeps it off for long.  I cannot go hungry and dieting starves me.  Insulin resistance also has made it very difficult to even loose weight.  Due to being overfed, I learned long ago to ignore my satiation cues and my stomach is so stretched out that the satiation level is at a ridiculous level.  My life growing up was unhappy at best and desperate at worst.  I am also an emotional and mindless eater.I am at the age where I am getting worried about my health.  When I was younger, my weight didn't bother me so much.  I have always been pretty active even if fat.  I enjoy walking and swimming.  I am finding it harder to be active because my knees and feet hurt.  Heart attack, high blood pressure, diabetes and cancer run in my family.  Symptoms ususally begin in the 40's only to develop or cause death in the 50's or 60's.  My dad died August 4, 2009, at the age of 56.  He had a massive heart attack and dropped dead coming back from the bathroom early that morning.  He was dead before he hit the floor.  My mom is overweight suffering from hypothryroid, depression, high blood pressure, type II diabetes, high chloresterol and liver problems (probably non-alcoholic fatty liver syndrome).
I don't want to have that happen to me.  I also worry for my daugher.  She is not overweight now.  I do not over feed her.  She eats much more healthy than I did growing up.  I have learned not to repeat my mother's mistakes.  I also cook healthy food, keep plenty of fresh fruit and veggies in the house along with low fat cheese and dairy. She gets plenty of exercise. I eat healthy, if large portions, food.  I want to be a good example to her.  I don't want her to suffer in her body, mind and soul over her weight.
I have been thinking about Lap-Band for more than a year now.  I finally made the decision to start the process.  I  have attended my first information seminar and have my inital appointment for August 27.  My insurance will cover the procedure.  I am going to need the Lap-Band to get my hunger under control.  I am going to need the psychologist to deal with my emotional and mindless eating.  I want to overcome my weight.  I have been able to do anything I have set my mind to except loose weight.  I now am ready to slay my last dragon.