gena155

hey - i'm glad you're gross!! i need to read these things so when it's my turn, i won't freak out. i've already learned a ton from all of you. i appreciate your honesty and dedication.

hit humbolt county breweries this weekend. my last beer tasting... i am going to miss those microbrews.... but i'm going to love being able to tie my shoes without holding my breath even more.:mad2: if i did my homework right, i should be having surgery in about 4 weeks. i'm not afraid of the surgery..but am a little scared about the afterwards. what if it doesn't work. what if, what if... :cursing: what if it does work. i've spent half my life being this size. feeling my body break down one joint at a time. avoiding mirrors like a vampire. failing every diet and paying hundreds of dollars worth of gym memberships for nothing. totes full of clothes i used to wear when i was healthy. i got off coffee and soda. doing good not eating sugar junk.. i am mindful of the qty and quality of foods im eating. making jokes about eating golfball sized meals. afraid to fail or succeed but excited to think this could be the first time i succeed. i'd rather face the uncomfortableness of success.

I'll be getting the band in September. Seems like forever but I'm sure it'll go by fast.

gettin' itchy now. can't wait to get this big ball rollin'. been thinking about eating more. why i eat when i eat, what i eat. wondering about food - what food has the best energy or cleanest calerie burn. i dont want to get obsessed but it seems there is alot to know about food when you can only have a golfball sized portion. my plan - i have about 4 weeks before the 2 week liquid diet. tomorrow i go off caffeine. the next few will be dropping sugars, starches and beer. oh how i will miss beer. dont want to hit the liquid diet with some kind of nasty withdrawls. :closedeyes:

today i woke up feeling encouraged and excited. this week i found a doctor, set an appt for systems check, got financing, ready to roll. should be banded by mid september and quite a bit lighter by my birthday in february. gonna use this blog as a diary.