thelastsamurai

I love myfitnesspal I have logged like I don't know, four months in a row every single day with that app. I think it really helps to get an idea, and i love that you can track exercise too!

I have been struggling with this myself. I have always felt that my fat was at once a shield from society's eye the objectifies a woman's body (fat has a desexing effect for those outside the BBW belief system), and also put above the superficial existence that a skinny person has, like, being excluded from the pairing up rituals, you get to see how men really act towards women is extremely f-ed up, and how you really don't want to participate in that. I made a point never to diet, because dieting was denying my body's ability to put up that shield, on the one hand, and on the other hand, to diet would be to turn my back on what made me, me! The reality of why I got the band is that my knees are giving away at age 24, and I have never had such a hard time just getting home. I don't want to ride a rollercoaster, at this point, I can't even comprehend the idea of a "size 12" - like, wtf is a size 12?!!?!!!? The last time I was under 200 was in middle school, and frankly, I don't understand what I would even do if the male gaze was directed at me with any type of desire (my history would show that it would not be a positive response, ending in awkwardness for everyone involved). Sooo, now, here I am, being afraid to shed my shield, and clinging to the ideals that got me to be the strong-as-hell, intelligent, privilege-conscious woman of color that I am. While also trying to change my life to learn how to be a whole person, not just a person that exists in the mental realm because the physical realm is too painful to inhabit. My ideals and my beliefs were shaped by my outside, at one point, but they are of sufficient mettle so that I don't have to be afraid that 100, 150, or 200 pounds will make them budge in the least. It does feel like selling out, in terms of the body positivity community, but numbers don't lie, and the numbers I'm referring to now are blood pressure, sugar levels, resting heart rate, and all those other indicators that say your life needs to reform. Except the Body Mass Index, cause I still think that's that bull spit.

Great job on getting past the Beast of cravings. One thing that also works for me is really considering the fact that a lot of the time, I really feel like having something, and then in the end, when I eat it, it's NEVER as good as you remember it. Also, at the end of that last bite of the cookie, when you ask "was it worth it?" the answer is always, "No." It's not made anything better, your pain is still there, and now you can pile on guilt on top of it. So hang in there, and I'm sending good vibes for your Mama!

Hello, I am a 24-year-old New Yorker, in a domestic partnership, no kids, and I am looking for a buddy who is around my age, and also has about 150-200 lbs to lose - I would prefer to speak to someone who is already banded, although I would also like to speak to someone who is recently banded, so that I know we are on the same page. I have been going through some rough mental times and would like an email buddy so that we could communicate on rough times, when temptation strikes, and when the mind games are nipping at my ankles. Let me know if you wanna be my accountabilibuddy! Thanks!

Vitamin Water Zero for the win! What sort of Weight Loss Cave do you live in?

Oh my God when I was pre-op I started on a low-calorie diet of 1,200 calories a day - when I was post-op and finally back on solids, I thought, oh, now that I am banded, I can start eating less, because I get full faster. I was on 1,000 calories a day, and the pace at which I lost slowed down tremendously, also putting me into a depression. Even after getting fills and going to the doctor and having them tell me my loss was good, I still was dissatisfied because of how much I lost on 1,200! So I upped my calories, and my loss has been great! I am working out more, so I expect that to be helping tremendously with the loss, though I think the upped intake definitely has a hand in it. Whatever you try, whatever works for you, just know that everyone's body is different, and while all of us have the same normal range BMI goal, our journeys should be tailored to what we need!

Thank you! After my last fill, I had a few really really rough days when I kept going over what I was doing wrong because I had lost 12 lbs in a month according to my Dr. but I had actually been like 3 lbs down and gained some back! I was really beating myself up intensely, and I actually decided to STOP being a slave to the scale, and do my best to follow the rules, and work out, and eat right, and make the best of this journey, as I am! Thanks a lot, and thank you for sharing your journey!

That is very strange - I have never heard of anything like that happening. I would take a look at what else changes for you around the time of the fill so that you can see if something else is affecting you. But who knows maybe a lot of other people will reply and have the same experience! Good luck!

I wish that I had the patience that you have been endowed with (although it sounds like it took time for you to develop that patience as well). I have been obsessing over numbers and weight and how quickly and comparing, and GOD my head is ready to bust because of the stress I'm putting on myself! I've always been an overachiever, and for some reason, whenever I see people's numbers, it's an instant calculation, and comparison - I am driving myself up a wall! I need to find a way to step back from the scale, take a look at my lifestyle, and take hold of my power to make good decisions! Thank you so much for sharing this!

My God, I am on day 6 and this gas is keeping me up right now! The first day I could get some sleep for a good amount of time was yesterday. Prior to that, I would wake up with either intense shoulder pain or I would feel a pressure in my chest and would have to wake up, walk around, move my arms about, and maybe take a Gas-X if I hadn't exceeded my max of 4 tablets in 24 hours. But, on the bright side, it gets better every day, and I'm gonna just keep moving around and doing my thing 'til it, too, is just a memory!