ILKrista

It is hard to believe that it has been over a year since I had my sleeve surgery. I was sleeved on February 23, 2011. I was convinced that I would be the one to die during surgery or to fail after having it done. The night before, I wrote myself a letter to open on the 1 year anniversary, in the event that I survived the procedure. I put off opening that letter for a couple weeks because I knew how emotional I would feel reading it. I just opened it today, and I thought I would share it with everyone. Here is a letter to myself written 2/22/11: Krista- If you are reading this, then you made it through surgery & the first year. Hopefully, you are healthier & happier. I just want to remind you of all the reasons you did the surgery & hopefully none of them apply any more. Today, my hope for the future is: 1. To no longer fearful of being humiliated every time I go in public by someone pointing, laughing, or saying something horrible to me. 2. To no longer afraid that a child I am working with will ask me why I'm so fat, which has happened several times since I became a librarian. 3. To not be afraid I'll break a chair when I sit. 4. To not dread restaurant booths because I can only fit in about half of them. 5. To be able to climb stairs without getting winded. 6. To not dread flying; fearing the seat belt won't fit or having the person seated next to me roll their eyes & sigh when they see me. 7. To be able to wear shorts without embarrassment. 8. To not be embarrassed to have someone hug me or touch me, knowing they are feeling all my fat. 9. To be able to swim & enjoy the Water. 10. To go on a date and really be able to believe that someone could like or love me. I feel like this list could go on forever. I only hope that if I am reading this letter, my life has improved & I'm not regretting having had this surgery. I hope I am really able to love myself and the anger I feel towards the world & how it treats me is gone. Krista I'm happy to say that all the hopes for my future have more or less come true. There are a few things I am still working on. I'm still about 20 pounds from my final goal, which I take full responsibility for. I have been slacking the past month & need to get back on track. I still don't like wearing shorts or swimming suits, but that is largely because of the loose skin & am dealing with & not because I feel fat. I feel like my life has improved so much from the time that I wrote that letter. It is better than I could have hoped for. Don't get me wrong, it is still not perfect & I still deal with low self-esteem and other issues. But I'm no longer miserable just because I exist. I don't hate how I look or hate having people look at me. I don't avoid photos or going out with friends. I feel like I am finally living a normal life & I am happy with that. I hope all of you can or will soon be able to say the same. I couldn't figure out how to attach before & after pictures, so here is the link to my album: http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/gallery/album/1509-krista-before-1-year-pictures/ Krista

Oh, I just upload some before photos & some 1 year photos. I couldn't figure out how to attach them to my post, so I created an album. Hopefully the link will work. http://www.verticalsleevetalk.com/gallery/album/1509-krista-before-1-year-pictures/

I'm looking for a buddy in my journey to lose the last 25 pounds. I would like to find someone to help me be accountable for working out and eating right each day. It seems that most of my 'real-life' friends want to make it a competition, rather than us supporting eachother. If anyone is interested, let me know!

Hmmm... I was dying for some pizza this weekend. I found this recipe http://www.genaw.com/lowcarb/deep_dish_pizza.html and it turned out really well. It also reheated nicely. I froze some too, but haven't gotten to see how they will reheat yet.

Keep positive & don't worry about anyone's else's opinion. Before I had my surgery, I had some negative responses (mostly from people who were worried about the danger of surgery), so people just didn't care, and some were supportive. It is the same thing after you lose the weight. Some people are excited to see how much healthier & smaller you are, some just don't care, & some are crazy-jealous & hate your for being smaller than them. In the end, you have to worry about yourself & how you are feeling. Know that everyone here supports you!

Hey Ladies, Maybe we can do daily updates to each other? I think it would help me if I had to be more accountable about what I'm eating and how often I'm exercising. It wouldn't have to be anything too extensive. I'm aiming to hit the gym at least 5 days a week. I'd love to make my goal weight by summer, but it has been SLOW going the last couple months, so I'm not sure how realistic that is at this point. :-)

Mmmm....pickles. I try to get in a little protein with them by taking a thin slice of ham, spreading some cream cheese on it & rolling my pickle up in it. I slice it up & eat. I'm supposed to do 6 small meals a day & use this as a meal... though I don't eat it often because of the sodium, but it is a nice, easy treat.

There is a plastic surgery forum... you will probably get more advise there. I was considering a reduction before surgery. Now I'm in the market for a lift & potentially some implants. LOL. How things have changed. Also, you might want to check out Obesity Help website. They have a ton of information from people who have had plastic surgery after weightloss.

I can understand the upset... I actually gained more than 10 pounds before surgery & then was told I had to lose it plus some more before he would consider operating. However, I needed the reality check of how I was going to need to be eating for life afterwards if I was going to be successful. The reality is that the sleeve will help you lose some of your extra weight... probably like 60% of it. But if you want to lose more than that, it is going to take some serious lifestyle changes... eating & exercise. You may not like it, but starting those changes before surgery is going to make the weeks following it MUCH easier. Good luck!

I think having this surgery has turned me into a cooking nut. I'm always getting new cookbooks from the library or on allrecipes.com looking for new ideas. I find that if I get bored eating the same stuff, I start turning to foods I'm not supposed to be eating. Take this interest in food & turn it towards being creative with what you are cooking. I've experimented with low-carb pizza, low carb pancakes, & tons of other foods. For your sake, I hope your dad isn't trying to sabotage you. But, I hate to say it, you will most likely encounter a few people who will as you go along this journey. I try to turn that negative energy into fuel when I am working out. Don't let anyone defeat you. Good luck!

Try not to focus on what others are doing. I know that as soon as I start seeing how people hit their goal 6 months after surgery, I get depressed. Focus on how much healthier (and lighter) you are compared to your starting point. Every person will have a different experience & journey with this surgery. It's excellent to get support here, but don't forget that your journey won't match up with anyone elses!

Thanks, Yecats! This board is always so motivating and inspiring. I don't know about anyone else, but I don't think I'd be where I'm at if I didn't have the support of this board. Best of luck to all.

I started exercising a few years before I had the surgery... this was my last big attempt to lose all the weight without surgery. I went to the gym 3 times a week doing zumba & walking. I imagine most people thought I was on the verge of a heart attack because I would be red, dripping with sweat & ready for collapse... People have no idea how difficult it is to exercise with an extra 150 pounds on your back. After surgery, I waited 2 months before heading back to the gym. I started doing a couch potato to 5K program. I did it more slowly than the program recommended because I really didn't feel like I was going to be doing my knees and ankles much good running on them when I was so heavy. However, I always do intervals. I would walk slow for a few minutes, then walk fast for a few minutes. I increased the amount of time of fast walking until I was eventually doing the whole time at a fast walk. Then I started adding in a slow jog for a few minutes at a time, etc. I think the exercise has been the biggest factor in my weight loss. For one thing, if I've just forced myself to work out, I tend to follow my eating plan better because I know how much effort I just put in & don't want to undo all that work. I also think it has increased my muscle mass & bumped up my metabolism a lot.

Jill, No one can tell you what to do... not me & not your friend. I can tell you that I was certain that this would work for everyone but me... in fact, I felt sure that I would probably die during surgery. In the end, I decided that I would rather take the risk of death or yet another failure than to keep my life in the miserable state that it was. I have been amazed at how well this surgery has worked for me. In the beginning, you will be pretty restricted as to what you can eat... but after about 4-6 months out, there is nothing that I can eat... in small portions. I feel better now than I ever have in my adult life. I can't tell you what to do & maybe you should talk to some people who have revised from lapband (Miss Diva comes to mind). But if you are genuinely that unhappy with yourself, what are you really risking? If the surgery doesn't work for you, then you are no worse off than you were before. Just my 2 cents. Best of luck with your decision!

Hey Coops, Thanks for replying. I'm really looking for someone to hold me accountable for working out 5-6 times a week (I tend to wimp out & only actually go 3 times a week). I would be happy to help you be accountable for your workouts as well. I'm also trying to get back to how I was eating in the beginning. Lately, I've been having too many treats, to the point that they really aren't treats, but are just how I am eating every day. Maybe we could message each other at the end of each day (or at the beginning of each day) with reports on how we did with workouts and eating for that day or the day prior?

I really related to your post. I'm a little over 10 months out, but the past couple of months I've just been up & down the same few pounds. I know the problem is me indulging too often in things I don't need. Instead of dwelling on the mistakes I've made the past few months, I'm really going to try to focus on what I can do right over the next couple months to get that weightloss moving again. I'm trying the Valentines Day challenge to see if that won't keep me motivated.

Going to give the Valentine's Day Challenge a try. SN: ILKrista CW: 153 GW: 140 pounds to lose: 13

Little black dress! I bought a little black dress right after my surgery in a size 8, with the goal that someday I would fit into it. I've put it on a couple times, but still can't zip it up comfortably... but its exciting to be so close to something that seemed so unatainable.

Hmmm... so I am just getting to the point where I feel comfortable dating. In fact, a couple weeks ago, I joined a dating site (I didn't date for nearly 10 years while morbidly obese because of self-esteem issues, so this is a big step for me). Now my questions is, can I date a really attractive, hot guy? I seem to find myself wanting to date guys that I would say are less physically attractive than me & who I'm not particularly attracted to. I was contacted by the HOTTEST man in the universe & I told him outright that I thought he was way too good looking for me. I think I must be crazy! Has anyone else had this experience of automatically rejecting what you really want? I know this is related to self-esteem issues, but how the h*ll do you get beyond that? I'm going to be single forever at this rate Krista

I reward myself with a facial or massage on a monthly basis. This is more a reward to myself for staying a non-smoker than for reaching any particular weight. I did splurge on a pair of nice earings when I got below 200 lbs. I had initially thought I would go on an awesome vacation to celebrate hitting my goal weight, but now I'm thinking I'd rather put the $ towards removing all the saggy skin.

I just wanted to chime in.... I did the exact same thing. My surgery was delayed by about 4 months because a coworker was on maternity leave & we both couldn't be off. I ate out more & in larger quantities than I had ever done in my life. I gained about 15 pounds & truely almost started feeling ill from all the rich food. This is a common thing to go through. Do I wish I hadn't done it... yes, because that would have been 15 lbs less to work off. However, dont' feel like this will negatively affect your results. Some of us just have a harder time letting go of the relationship we have with food. Best of luck!