Lap_dancer

11:37p A long thoughtWhen does it become necessary to elevate your dispair to a level of desperation. Such is the case of myself. No one can possible know the depth of depression to rise in the morning and swing my legs off the side of the bed and pause , feeling the rush of blood to my head...dizzy...grabbing the headpost of my bed and bracing myself as I pull hard for support to rise from my bed. Walking on the sides of my feet because THAT is less painful than walking flat footed across to the toilet. By then I am winded. And this lifestyle is okay? This lifestyle is not life threatening enough to look at a procedure that gives pause to the cycle of death by dietlessness. new word. on I go............

Sulking within myself I spent the next six weeks feeling it was all a waste. Then I found a website, LapBand Talk. I wasn't alone. Loads of rejection just like my own story with my insurance. Then it came to this day: Just beforeIt is less than 24 hours before my flight to Denver. I'm thinking of John Denver's song "Rocky Mountain High" because it takes me back to 1976 and happier times. I think of patchwork quilts and Earth shoes, incense and anything natural down to makeup. I'm showing my 70's. I'm finding the place where the trees outside are golden, fall is in the air of my mind. I can smell leaves burning on the cool breezes and comfort settles over my self. Once there I can open up to anything. The raw emotions that well are not as intense, do not pain me as much and I can allow the emotions to course through me. Why did she call me 24 hours before my flight, after the arrangements were made, after the time is off from work, when I am going to get the surgery. Why? I know the answer but to confront her would only produce the script of posts I always hear, like a high school yearbook where everybody wishes the same but doesn't always mean it. Her need is so powerful her human condition and that of my sister seems profoundly sad. I sit here feeling sadness for them and for the need to tear down that which they fear, things they cannot control. This is my journey. As long as I remember and when I didn't know how to say those words it seems that has always been the straw I drew. Stay in your room, read a book quietly and stay out of the way as much as you can. Walking into mom and dad's room and my sister sitting on the bed deep in talk with mother. What was that like? To share your deepest thoughts, your dreams, your problems with your mother. She only had time for the oldest one. I learned young to find my answers in magazines, ask my friends or their older sisters. Listen to their mothers. I realize now that the women who influenced me most were not biological at all. My teachers at school. There was my Health teacher in 7th grade who was fit, put together every day with coordinating clothes, heels and patterns that were interesting. Her color choices were vivid and jewelry boldly accenting her wrist or neck. How she described a woman's period "just a couple of tablespoons of blood, that's all" made sense in a simplistic way. Compare that to mother's talk to me in the parking lot of Bate's Burgers one spring night when I was filling out an application for summer camp. The question? "Does your child know about menstruation?" I asked what that meant. I must have been 10 or 11. "Well I guess you're old enough to know". I knew that "old enough" meant something in my family. There were the haves and have-nots of knowledge in my house growing up and it had everything to do with age. I compare that with how I raised Crystal and no topic was off the table. I told her what jacking off meant, slut, cunt, names for "intercouse": fuck, bang, and anything else she heard at school. Why lie? Why hide anything? No big secrets to knowledge, it will empower her. I use to work with a woman who lived in a lovely apartment in Louisville, Kentucky. We worked together at a store in the mall and one snowy night when traffic outside the store was slow save for the occasional lone figure walking the mall, the blizzard outside persuaded her to talk about a sexual encounter on another night years before with a musician who played the guitar by the fire while it snowed outside. Lying nude, she reached over and touched him and he became so overwhelmed he shot his load before hello. She also shared her mother's philosophy about telling her everything in life that were taboo subjects so that by the time she got to middle school and she heard whispered words by girls huddled around talking about "it', she was able to cut through the bullshit of misinformation and correct them; "That's not right" "That's not what it means". I embraced that idea then and decided if someday I ever had a child, I would follow the same teaching. I saw my friends enjoying intimate moments with their moms. There was the time I was at Lula's house and her mother "Gertie" was sitting in the living room talking about school board members. She has known most of them since they were kids and had grown up in the community. A political voice, Gertie Jung was unlike any woman I had met. Fire red hair, and eyes that seemed to pierce through any fog of bullshit, Gertie had an opinion or story for just about everyone. She encouraged her girls to be independent within reason but more than anything she encouraged them to have a political opinion, hers preferably. It was 1976 and from her I gleened a strong political interest. That year we worked the polls where both Lula's parents ran for office. We spent an entire day in the old gym at the elementary school that once housed the old high school. It sat on the top of a hill just off the road in the little town where Lula lived. Those moments, those places were lightyears away from my house where opinions were given but not received. Who was running for office? Who knew. And what to think was gleaned from the Fabian haired preacher at our church. I think back then and realize that while at home, I had two moments, staying in observation mode and out of the picture or out of the house. The less anyone knew about me the better. So here it is the night before my flight to Denver where I'll take on a new persona, a new journey to truly getting healthy. I wish most to find my old self underneath these layers of someone I am hiding from. Church could not save me from myself and it has nothing to do with faith or belief. I know so many people who purchase diet programs, pills, join clubs with faith that they will arrive to that goal in their minds. Still, six months later, perhaps smaller or in my case, about the same having lost and gained, failure looms over their heads. Faith and Fail are only different by two letters. Flying into a different time zone, one mile above sea level, I do have faith. I have faith that whatever I do different from what I have done is better than repeating a cycle of failure. Chris will be by my side but I know there will be the moment when my room will be empty, I will be prepped and ready to go in. I have no fear. None. I will be alone as I have been alone many times. All that I gain in my strength comes from those who have gone before me. The ones who talk to me about what to expect, those who suffer with this disease as I have. Those who feel pain when they walk and judgement by their appearance. Those who know they were passed over for one prettier, whose absent credentials or soft work experience are compensated by a thin appearance, or the flash of a white smile. They know. In my mind I hold their hands, I hug them around the neck if the waist does not accomidate. They are my brothers and sisters. They are the ones that come to me as a new family. Onward we go with faith of a life filled with possibilities.

Sulking within myself I spent the next six weeks feeling it was all a waste. Then I found a website, LapBand Talk. I wasn't alone. Loads of rejection just like my own story with my insurance. Then it came to this day: Just beforeIt is less than 24 hours before my flight to Denver. I'm thinking of John Denver's song "Rocky Mountain High" because it takes me back to 1976 and happier times. I think of patchwork quilts and Earth shoes, incense and anything natural down to makeup. I'm showing my 70's. I'm finding the place where the trees outside are golden, fall is in the air of my mind. I can smell leaves burning on the cool breezes and comfort settles over my self. Once there I can open up to anything. The raw emotions that well are not as intense, do not pain me as much and I can allow the emotions to course through me. Why did she call me 24 hours before my flight, after the arrangements were made, after the time is off from work, when I am going to get the surgery. Why? I know the answer but to confront her would only produce the script of posts I always hear, like a high school yearbook where everybody wishes the same but doesn't always mean it. Her need is so powerful her human condition and that of my sister seems profoundly sad. I sit here feeling sadness for them and for the need to tear down that which they fear, things they cannot control. This is my journey. As long as I remember and when I didn't know how to say those words it seems that has always been the straw I drew. Stay in your room, read a book quietly and stay out of the way as much as you can. Walking into mom and dad's room and my sister sitting on the bed deep in talk with mother. What was that like? To share your deepest thoughts, your dreams, your problems with your mother. She only had time for the oldest one. I learned young to find my answers in magazines, ask my friends or their older sisters. Listen to their mothers. I realize now that the women who influenced me most were not biological at all. My teachers at school. There was my Health teacher in 7th grade who was fit, put together every day with coordinating clothes, heels and patterns that were interesting. Her color choices were vivid and jewelry boldly accenting her wrist or neck. How she described a woman's period "just a couple of tablespoons of blood, that's all" made sense in a simplistic way. Compare that to mother's talk to me in the parking lot of Bate's Burgers one spring night when I was filling out an application for summer camp. The question? "Does your child know about menstruation?" I asked what that meant. I must have been 10 or 11. "Well I guess you're old enough to know". I knew that "old enough" meant something in my family. There were the haves and have-nots of knowledge in my house growing up and it had everything to do with age. I compare that with how I raised Crystal and no topic was off the table. I told her what jacking off meant, slut, cunt, names for "intercouse": fuck, bang, and anything else she heard at school. Why lie? Why hide anything? No big secrets to knowledge, it will empower her. I use to work with a woman who lived in a lovely apartment in Louisville, Kentucky. We worked together at a store in the mall and one snowy night when traffic outside the store was slow save for the occasional lone figure walking the mall, the blizzard outside persuaded her to talk about a sexual encounter on another night years before with a musician who played the guitar by the fire while it snowed outside. Lying nude, she reached over and touched him and he became so overwhelmed he shot his load before hello. She also shared her mother's philosophy about telling her everything in life that were taboo subjects so that by the time she got to middle school and she heard whispered words by girls huddled around talking about "it', she was able to cut through the bullshit of misinformation and correct them; "That's not right" "That's not what it means". I embraced that idea then and decided if someday I ever had a child, I would follow the same teaching. I saw my friends enjoying intimate moments with their moms. There was the time I was at Lula's house and her mother "Gertie" was sitting in the living room talking about school board members. She has known most of them since they were kids and had grown up in the community. A political voice, Gertie Jung was unlike any woman I had met. Fire red hair, and eyes that seemed to pierce through any fog of bullshit, Gertie had an opinion or story for just about everyone. She encouraged her girls to be independent within reason but more than anything she encouraged them to have a political opinion, hers preferably. It was 1976 and from her I gleened a strong political interest. That year we worked the polls where both Lula's parents ran for office. We spent an entire day in the old gym at the elementary school that once housed the old high school. It sat on the top of a hill just off the road in the little town where Lula lived. Those moments, those places were lightyears away from my house where opinions were given but not received. Who was running for office? Who knew. And what to think was gleaned from the Fabian haired preacher at our church. I think back then and realize that while at home, I had two moments, staying in observation mode and out of the picture or out of the house. The less anyone knew about me the better. So here it is the night before my flight to Denver where I'll take on a new persona, a new journey to truly getting healthy. I wish most to find my old self underneath these layers of someone I am hiding from. Church could not save me from myself and it has nothing to do with faith or belief. I know so many people who purchase diet programs, pills, join clubs with faith that they will arrive to that goal in their minds. Still, six months later, perhaps smaller or in my case, about the same having lost and gained, failure looms over their heads. Faith and Fail are only different by two letters. Flying into a different time zone, one mile above sea level, I do have faith. I have faith that whatever I do different from what I have done is better than repeating a cycle of failure. Chris will be by my side but I know there will be the moment when my room will be empty, I will be prepped and ready to go in. I have no fear. None. I will be alone as I have been alone many times. All that I gain in my strength comes from those who have gone before me. The ones who talk to me about what to expect, those who suffer with this disease as I have. Those who feel pain when they walk and judgement by their appearance. Those who know they were passed over for one prettier, whose absent credentials or soft work experience are compensated by a thin appearance, or the flash of a white smile. They know. In my mind I hold their hands, I hug them around the neck if the waist does not accomidate. They are my brothers and sisters. They are the ones that come to me as a new family. Onward we go with faith of a life filled with possibilities.

Date Printed: January 5, 2007: 10:48 PM Supplemental Letter for January 9, 2007 January 3, 2007 Dear Review Panel: Presented to you for review is my case for a gastric procedure known as a laproscopic banding procedure or "Lap-Band". In a lower review, BCBSFL did not dispute that I meet the criteria for the Lap-Band procedure. There is no dispute that I would benefit from weight loss surgery and there is no dispute that losing weight would be beneficial to my health. At issue is the coverage of this surgery and the exception I am requesting for this exclusion. Ironically, I received a phone call a few weeks ago from BCBSFL's new Diagnostics Program that offers support to wellness. Through this program, I gained beneficial information in the form of a booklet, catalog and DVD on the very weight loss surgery I am requesting. There is evidence in my medical records that I have tried for years multiple weight loss regimens and used pharmacotherapy for obesity under the supervision of my physician, Dr. Alan Sichelman. For my mental state, it is documented by my therapist, Jane Fenby, that I have a full understanding of what this procedure entails and that it will be a lifetime commitment on my part. There is no indication that I am unstable, misinformed with perceptions of unrealistic expectations; Rather so, that I have pursued this avenue under the direction of my primary care physician and other medical personnel, with cooperation, information and education; That I am laying the course for my surgical event and post surgical life by the compass of these individuals and their combined medical expertise demonstrates I am an individual who very much wishes to be healed. Unquestionably, I am ill and feel I am fighting for my life. As a result of my severe morbid obesity, I suffer from sleep apnea, diabetes, depression, back problems, joint pain, hypertension, migraines, Pictures will show my condition and the severity of my obesity. It is true that my life is endangered. This procedure will prevent the worsening of my condition, alleviate present harmful medical conditions and perhaps cure them. It is the conclusion of my physican(s) and myself that I am in need of this operation. Please authorize my surgery. Additional: As providers of health care coverage, Blue Cross and Blue Shield has historically authorized weight loss surgery. Currently, Blue Cross and Blue Shield of North Carolina cut in half hospital re-admissions "by the twelve surgeons in North Carolina that are designated as centers of excellence for bariatric (obesity) surgery." Additionally, BCBSNC was one of the first insurers in the nation to officially recognize centers of excellence for bariatric surgery. Illinois also follows this model as well as South Dakota, Iowa, Michigan and several other states. In recent publications in the Tampa Bay area, BCBSFL appears to be using bariatric surgery denials as a financial decision rather than one in the best interest of patient care. I must express my concern that with sufficient evidence from their medical providers and informed decisions with which they move forward, it is very troubling that patient/physician decisions of health necessity are disrupted, ignored and denied, superceded by a focus on cost. It is hoped that Florida will soon follow the successful excellence practice as established by Blue Cross and Blue Shield in other states. Patricia Reeves

Date Printed: January 5, 2007: 10:48 PM Supplemental Letter for January 9, 2007 January 3, 2007 Dear Review Panel: Presented to you for review is my case for a gastric procedure known as a laproscopic banding procedure or "Lap-Band". In a lower review, BCBSFL did not dispute that I meet the criteria for the Lap-Band procedure. There is no dispute that I would benefit from weight loss surgery and there is no dispute that losing weight would be beneficial to my health. At issue is the coverage of this surgery and the exception I am requesting for this exclusion. Ironically, I received a phone call a few weeks ago from BCBSFL's new Diagnostics Program that offers support to wellness. Through this program, I gained beneficial information in the form of a booklet, catalog and DVD on the very weight loss surgery I am requesting. There is evidence in my medical records that I have tried for years multiple weight loss regimens and used pharmacotherapy for obesity under the supervision of my physician, Dr. Alan Sichelman. For my mental state, it is documented by my therapist, Jane Fenby, that I have a full understanding of what this procedure entails and that it will be a lifetime commitment on my part. There is no indication that I am unstable, misinformed with perceptions of unrealistic expectations; Rather so, that I have pursued this avenue under the direction of my primary care physician and other medical personnel, with cooperation, information and education; That I am laying the course for my surgical event and post surgical life by the compass of these individuals and their combined medical expertise demonstrates I am an individual who very much wishes to be healed. Unquestionably, I am ill and feel I am fighting for my life. As a result of my severe morbid obesity, I suffer from sleep apnea, diabetes, depression, back problems, joint pain, hypertension, migraines, Pictures will show my condition and the severity of my obesity. It is true that my life is endangered. This procedure will prevent the worsening of my condition, alleviate present harmful medical conditions and perhaps cure them. It is the conclusion of my physican(s) and myself that I am in need of this operation. Please authorize my surgery. Additional: As providers of health care coverage, Blue Cross and Blue Shield has historically authorized weight loss surgery. Currently, Blue Cross and Blue Shield of North Carolina cut in half hospital re-admissions "by the twelve surgeons in North Carolina that are designated as centers of excellence for bariatric (obesity) surgery." Additionally, BCBSNC was one of the first insurers in the nation to officially recognize centers of excellence for bariatric surgery. Illinois also follows this model as well as South Dakota, Iowa, Michigan and several other states. In recent publications in the Tampa Bay area, BCBSFL appears to be using bariatric surgery denials as a financial decision rather than one in the best interest of patient care. I must express my concern that with sufficient evidence from their medical providers and informed decisions with which they move forward, it is very troubling that patient/physician decisions of health necessity are disrupted, ignored and denied, superceded by a focus on cost. It is hoped that Florida will soon follow the successful excellence practice as established by Blue Cross and Blue Shield in other states. Patricia Reeves

Letter of appeal [04 Jan 2007|05:47pm] Dear Maryann: Thank you for our conversation today regarding my Physican to Physican review and Level Two Appeals. I understand that you will contact Dr. Sichelman and let their office know what time to phone in for the meeting. I won't be calling in as I believe the final information I would send would be these photos. I'll add captions to each one so that your team can understand what the photo is of. First, I was not able to capture my entire body by myself because it is too large. I used the bathroom mirror so I apologize for the lack of clarity. Please let me know if you wish to have clearer photos and full body. My husband will be home later and can take them for me. Photo 019: On the bed taken from below my stomach looking up towards my face. This is how I must sleep because my stomach is large and gives me back pain if I lay on my back. The fat folds present on my body create havens for infections in the form of yeast infection and trapped moisture from perspiration or the shower. Eventually I will produce a small red blister (022 photo) that if not controlled can spread into a very painful rash. I use hydrocortizone solution on my skin on a regular basis. You can see the scaring that has already taken place under my breasts. This is also true under my stomach. These pictures illustrate the depth of the fat folds which are up to 12 inches in depth. I am attempting to hold up my stomach when I sit but can only lift the front portion. 002 , 003 and 006 and 009 for a fuller body view of how low my stomach drops. The stomach falls between my legs and when I urinate on the toilet part of my stomach drops into the bowl if I am not careful. I've never "hit water" but the bacteria contact is what I feel is responsible for these random blisters and odd "pimple" like discs that appear on my skin in that region. They can sometimes leave a scar.(003) There is one healing on the underside of my stomach in this photo. I have also lost much sensation in my genital area and as a result do not experience sexual pleasure. This is the part I referred to impacting my husband and our spousal relationship. Photo: 002. 005 and 006, 009. This is a lower viewpoint of my front stomach. The navel is about six inches or more below the center of my stomach. There is a tiny tear in my skin below the navel.005 I have a serious balance problem as after walking for a few minutes my body pulls forward and down. My back becomes sore/painful and weak. My legs also tire and my feet begin to ache. The position I am standing in against the bathroom wall is what I typically do if I am in a store and there is no cart to support my weight. 009. I lean against a wall or rack. Most of the time I simply don't go out. Walking is becoming too painful. Again, if there is anything else I can send visually to put a name with a face and body, please let me know. I would appreciate confirmation the photos came through clear for you. Thank you. Patty Reeves

Letter of appeal [04 Jan 2007|05:47pm] Dear Maryann: Thank you for our conversation today regarding my Physican to Physican review and Level Two Appeals. I understand that you will contact Dr. Sichelman and let their office know what time to phone in for the meeting. I won't be calling in as I believe the final information I would send would be these photos. I'll add captions to each one so that your team can understand what the photo is of. First, I was not able to capture my entire body by myself because it is too large. I used the bathroom mirror so I apologize for the lack of clarity. Please let me know if you wish to have clearer photos and full body. My husband will be home later and can take them for me. Photo 019: On the bed taken from below my stomach looking up towards my face. This is how I must sleep because my stomach is large and gives me back pain if I lay on my back. The fat folds present on my body create havens for infections in the form of yeast infection and trapped moisture from perspiration or the shower. Eventually I will produce a small red blister (022 photo) that if not controlled can spread into a very painful rash. I use hydrocortizone solution on my skin on a regular basis. You can see the scaring that has already taken place under my breasts. This is also true under my stomach. These pictures illustrate the depth of the fat folds which are up to 12 inches in depth. I am attempting to hold up my stomach when I sit but can only lift the front portion. 002 , 003 and 006 and 009 for a fuller body view of how low my stomach drops. The stomach falls between my legs and when I urinate on the toilet part of my stomach drops into the bowl if I am not careful. I've never "hit water" but the bacteria contact is what I feel is responsible for these random blisters and odd "pimple" like discs that appear on my skin in that region. They can sometimes leave a scar.(003) There is one healing on the underside of my stomach in this photo. I have also lost much sensation in my genital area and as a result do not experience sexual pleasure. This is the part I referred to impacting my husband and our spousal relationship. Photo: 002. 005 and 006, 009. This is a lower viewpoint of my front stomach. The navel is about six inches or more below the center of my stomach. There is a tiny tear in my skin below the navel.005 I have a serious balance problem as after walking for a few minutes my body pulls forward and down. My back becomes sore/painful and weak. My legs also tire and my feet begin to ache. The position I am standing in against the bathroom wall is what I typically do if I am in a store and there is no cart to support my weight. 009. I lean against a wall or rack. Most of the time I simply don't go out. Walking is becoming too painful. Again, if there is anything else I can send visually to put a name with a face and body, please let me know. I would appreciate confirmation the photos came through clear for you. Thank you. Patty Reeves

Appealing this thing to BCBS/Level II appeals to insurance [03 Jan 2007|05:53pm] Level II Supplemental Letter for January 9, 2006 January 3, 2006 Dear Review Panel: Presented to you for review is my case for a gastric procedure known as a laproscopic banding procedure or "Lap-Band". In a lower review, BCBSFL did not dispute that I meet the criteria for the Lap-Band procedure. There is no dispute that I would benefit from weight loss surgery and there is no dispute that losing weight would be beneficial to my health. At issue is the coverage of this surgery and the exception I am requesting for this exclusion. Ironically, I received a phone call a few weeks ago from BCBSFL's new Diagnostics Program that offers support to wellness. Through this program, I gained beneficial information in the form of a booklet, catalog and DVD on the very weight loss surgery I am requesting. There is evidence in my medical records that I have tried for years multiple weight loss regimens and used pharmacotherapy for obesity under the supervision of my physician, Dr. Alan Sichelman. For my mental state, it is documented by my therapist, Jane Fenby, that I have a full understanding of what this procedure entails and that it will be a lifetime commitment on my part. There is no indication that I am unstable, misinformed with perceptions of unrealistic expectations; Rather so, that I have pursued this avenue under the direction of my primary care physician and other medical personnel, with cooperation, information and education; That I am laying the course for my surgical event and post surgical life by the compass of these individuals and their combined medical expertise demonstrates I am an individual who very much wishes to be healed. Unquestionably, I am ill and feel I am fighting for my life. As a result of my severe morbid obesity, I suffer from sleep apnea, diabetes, depression, back problems, joint pain, hypertension, migraines, Pictures will show my condition and the severity of my obesity. It is true that my life is endangered. This procedure will prevent the worsening of my condition, alleviate present harmful medical conditions and perhaps cure them. It is the conclusion of my physican(s) and myself that I am in need of this operation. Please authorize my surgery. Additional: As providers of health care coverage, Blue Cross and Blue Shield has historically authorized weight loss surgery. Currently, Blue Cross and Blue Shield of North Carolina cut in half hospital re-admissions "by the twelve surgeons in North Carolina that are designated as centers of excellence for bariatric (obesity) surgery." Additionally, BCBSNC was one of the first insurers in the nation to officially recognize centers of excellence for bariatric surgery. Illinois also follows this model as well as South Dakota, Iowa, Michigan and several other states. In recent publications in the Tampa Bay area, BCBSFL appears to be using bariatric surgery denials as a financial decision rather than one in the best interest of patient care. I must express my concern that with sufficient evidence from their medical providers and informed decisions with which they move forward, it is very troubling that patient/physician decisions of health necessity are disrupted, ignored and denied, superceded by a focus on cost. It is hoped that Florida will soon follow the successful excellence practice as established by Blue Cross and Blue Shield in other states. Patricia Reeves

Appealing this thing to BCBS/Level II appeals to insurance [03 Jan 2007|05:53pm] Level II Supplemental Letter for January 9, 2006 January 3, 2006 Dear Review Panel: Presented to you for review is my case for a gastric procedure known as a laproscopic banding procedure or "Lap-Band". In a lower review, BCBSFL did not dispute that I meet the criteria for the Lap-Band procedure. There is no dispute that I would benefit from weight loss surgery and there is no dispute that losing weight would be beneficial to my health. At issue is the coverage of this surgery and the exception I am requesting for this exclusion. Ironically, I received a phone call a few weeks ago from BCBSFL's new Diagnostics Program that offers support to wellness. Through this program, I gained beneficial information in the form of a booklet, catalog and DVD on the very weight loss surgery I am requesting. There is evidence in my medical records that I have tried for years multiple weight loss regimens and used pharmacotherapy for obesity under the supervision of my physician, Dr. Alan Sichelman. For my mental state, it is documented by my therapist, Jane Fenby, that I have a full understanding of what this procedure entails and that it will be a lifetime commitment on my part. There is no indication that I am unstable, misinformed with perceptions of unrealistic expectations; Rather so, that I have pursued this avenue under the direction of my primary care physician and other medical personnel, with cooperation, information and education; That I am laying the course for my surgical event and post surgical life by the compass of these individuals and their combined medical expertise demonstrates I am an individual who very much wishes to be healed. Unquestionably, I am ill and feel I am fighting for my life. As a result of my severe morbid obesity, I suffer from sleep apnea, diabetes, depression, back problems, joint pain, hypertension, migraines, Pictures will show my condition and the severity of my obesity. It is true that my life is endangered. This procedure will prevent the worsening of my condition, alleviate present harmful medical conditions and perhaps cure them. It is the conclusion of my physican(s) and myself that I am in need of this operation. Please authorize my surgery. Additional: As providers of health care coverage, Blue Cross and Blue Shield has historically authorized weight loss surgery. Currently, Blue Cross and Blue Shield of North Carolina cut in half hospital re-admissions "by the twelve surgeons in North Carolina that are designated as centers of excellence for bariatric (obesity) surgery." Additionally, BCBSNC was one of the first insurers in the nation to officially recognize centers of excellence for bariatric surgery. Illinois also follows this model as well as South Dakota, Iowa, Michigan and several other states. In recent publications in the Tampa Bay area, BCBSFL appears to be using bariatric surgery denials as a financial decision rather than one in the best interest of patient care. I must express my concern that with sufficient evidence from their medical providers and informed decisions with which they move forward, it is very troubling that patient/physician decisions of health necessity are disrupted, ignored and denied, superceded by a focus on cost. It is hoped that Florida will soon follow the successful excellence practice as established by Blue Cross and Blue Shield in other states. Patricia Reeves

Embarrassing, Humilating, Why I hate going out in public and eating... I think there is something very wrong with a person who never wants change. Cenophobia or Centophobia- Fear of new things or ideas. Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions. http://phobialist.com/ The Fat Lady is Tuning Up [20 Dec 2006|10:05am] [ mood | bouncy ] Last night was my mother's 75th birthday. There is a special seafood restaurant on the edge of the Cotee River that serves their dinners with shiney oak floors, high polished brass shipboard props and taxidermed fish floating through the air. We do love our appetizers. Vidalia onions, sliced medium, dredged in cracker meal and fried right. Here came this plate heaped high and hot. Out of the six people at our table, the other server placed the dish directly in front of me and not blinking he looked me square in the eye and asked if I would like a refill on my tea. "Sure", I said. I looked at the rest of my family and they didn't see what I saw. The server automatically thought the food went to the fattest person at the table! Being my usual sarcastic yet jovial self, I hunched over that plate like a dog on a meat wagon and annouced to the waiter " I'm good " while I grabbed a hot ring. My husband immediately picked up on it, my sister didn't, my mother was more wondering why HER rings were not down at her end of the table. It's that assumption. Like it never goes away or it goes so far away assumption has crossed the space-time continuum and will meet me sometime next year. Like the booths at (Belly Deli) restaurant. Who believes that the average human has the body circumfrence of a medium sized vase? So I got to the point of asking for a "Belly Booth". Hey, who wants a gastric bypass with your dinner? Reflux with your dessert? "No thanks, I'm good".

Embarrassing, Humilating, Why I hate going out in public and eating... I think there is something very wrong with a person who never wants change. Cenophobia or Centophobia- Fear of new things or ideas. Decidophobia- Fear of making decisions. http://phobialist.com/ The Fat Lady is Tuning Up [20 Dec 2006|10:05am] [ mood | bouncy ] Last night was my mother's 75th birthday. There is a special seafood restaurant on the edge of the Cotee River that serves their dinners with shiney oak floors, high polished brass shipboard props and taxidermed fish floating through the air. We do love our appetizers. Vidalia onions, sliced medium, dredged in cracker meal and fried right. Here came this plate heaped high and hot. Out of the six people at our table, the other server placed the dish directly in front of me and not blinking he looked me square in the eye and asked if I would like a refill on my tea. "Sure", I said. I looked at the rest of my family and they didn't see what I saw. The server automatically thought the food went to the fattest person at the table! Being my usual sarcastic yet jovial self, I hunched over that plate like a dog on a meat wagon and annouced to the waiter " I'm good " while I grabbed a hot ring. My husband immediately picked up on it, my sister didn't, my mother was more wondering why HER rings were not down at her end of the table. It's that assumption. Like it never goes away or it goes so far away assumption has crossed the space-time continuum and will meet me sometime next year. Like the booths at (Belly Deli) restaurant. Who believes that the average human has the body circumfrence of a medium sized vase? So I got to the point of asking for a "Belly Booth". Hey, who wants a gastric bypass with your dinner? Reflux with your dessert? "No thanks, I'm good".

THE FIGHT BEGINS [02 Nov 2006|08:09am] Hello Maryann: Please note the following BCBS finding and add to my review for the Level II panel prior to the meeting. Perhaps inter-office documentation will have a broader scope on this. PR November 2006 The following Assessments and Special Reports were acted on at the November 2, 2006, Blue Cross and Blue Shield Association Medical Advisory Panel (MAP) meeting: Laparoscopic Adjustable Gastric Banding for Morbid Obesity The MAP concluded that laparoscopic adjustable gastric banding for morbid obesity meets the TEC criteria, when performed in appropriately selected patients, by surgeons who are adequately trained and experienced in the specific techniques used, and in institutions that support a comprehensive bariatric surgery program, including long-term monitoring and follow-up post-surgery. Source: Blue Cross and Blue Shield Technology Evaluation Center, November 2, 2006 http://www.bcbs.com/betterknowledge/tec/press/

THE FIGHT BEGINS [02 Nov 2006|08:09am] Hello Maryann: Please note the following BCBS finding and add to my review for the Level II panel prior to the meeting. Perhaps inter-office documentation will have a broader scope on this. PR November 2006 The following Assessments and Special Reports were acted on at the November 2, 2006, Blue Cross and Blue Shield Association Medical Advisory Panel (MAP) meeting: Laparoscopic Adjustable Gastric Banding for Morbid Obesity The MAP concluded that laparoscopic adjustable gastric banding for morbid obesity meets the TEC criteria, when performed in appropriately selected patients, by surgeons who are adequately trained and experienced in the specific techniques used, and in institutions that support a comprehensive bariatric surgery program, including long-term monitoring and follow-up post-surgery. Source: Blue Cross and Blue Shield Technology Evaluation Center, November 2, 2006 http://www.bcbs.com/betterknowledge/tec/press/

Last night was my first meeting with the support group. The new attendees were there by 6 PM for the lecture on the gastric procedures. Already I am feeling like a graduate of Novice University. Chris and I arrived about a half an hour late and caught the tail end of the presentation. Next month I think he and I should go to the 6 PM orientation so he can understand what is happening. Chris seems as eager for me as I am for myself. He has questions like he did when I was pregnant with the children. In a way, I feel like I am pregnant again and giving birth to a new self in as little as six months. I remain very hopeful, hope I have not felt for a very long time.

Last night was my first meeting with the support group. The new attendees were there by 6 PM for the lecture on the gastric procedures. Already I am feeling like a graduate of Novice University. Chris and I arrived about a half an hour late and caught the tail end of the presentation. Next month I think he and I should go to the 6 PM orientation so he can understand what is happening. Chris seems as eager for me as I am for myself. He has questions like he did when I was pregnant with the children. In a way, I feel like I am pregnant again and giving birth to a new self in as little as six months. I remain very hopeful, hope I have not felt for a very long time.

Now, about real psychological issues. On one list on which I participated for a long time, the subject of childhood abuse came up and a surprisingly large number of people, mostly female, but some men too, had been abused as children. I don't know if there's been any research to see if there is any link between childhood abuse and obesity, but I bet there is one. But of course, that is apocryphal. Just my gut suspicion. America is a food-centric society these days. If you doubt this, watch the ads on TV. Count how many ads there are for food in a given hour. I never really noticed it until after surgery when I felt absolutely bombarded with ads for pizza, burgers, fried chicken, ribs, Italian food, soda, beer ... and more and more. For a while it made me crazy. Now it just makes me queasy. I look at ads with happy (thin!) people scarfing down chunks of pizza and fried chicken and all I can see is grease. Yuck. Last I heard, the average woman in this country wears a size 16 ... AND our sizes are MUCH bigger than they were 30 years ago. If you doubt that, go buy some clothing made during the 50s based on your current size and you'll discover that they won't fit. Americans are MUCH bigger ... in every way ... than they used to be. We are, on the whole, overweight. Some of us are just a little overweight, some much more so. How many restaurants sell themselves on serving big portions, eh? The morbidly obese are not exactly their singular target audience, so eating a lot must be a pretty prevalent phenomenon. So maybe ... just maybe ... we who have been or still are morbidly obese somehow think that we have ever so much more baggage than Normal People, whoever they may be. I have a theory. It is unscientific, unproven, and as such is merely my subjective thoughts on a clearly delicate subject. I think most people overeat some of the time. A lot of people overeat most of the time. Some people overeat all of the time. I don't think that psychology accounts for it, except for a small percentage. We live in a society where food is plentiful and cheap ... where fatty, rich food tastes really good. Food is a social function. We get together and we eat. Because we can eat more than we need, we do. In societies where food is scarce, people eat less. In societies where overeating is anti-social, people are -- on the average -- thinner. Some of us are genetically pre-disposed to gain weight and for whatever reasons, are also more inclined to not lose it. That's why it's so common to see multiple siblings in various sizes, even though they've all had essentially the same upbringing. I have two siblings. My brother is overweight, but not fat. My sister is thin. I was fat, now thin. My father was fat, lost it all, kept it off for the rest of his life (50 years to date). My mother never let herself get fat, but she had the discipline of a Marine drill instructor. If she gained five pounds, she immediate increased her exercise, decreased her intake, and lost it. Of her five siblings, 3 were heavy, 3 thin. In my dad's family, the women were fat, the men thin, except for my father who was fat then thin. Does this prove anything? I dunno. Does it? Many of us have really bad eating habits. I'm not sure that bad eating habits are quite the same as Serious Psychological Issues. I think we beat ourselves up a lot. I think we incorporated other peoples' judgments of us into our opinions of ourselves. I think that because we feel that we have somehow failed, that we are more inclined to fail. Whether it's ghrelin levels, sociological conditioning, childhood trauma, low self esteem, some combination of the preceding or whatever, WLS works better than any other solution for the disease of morbid obesity. The rate of long term success for any traditional diet program is poor. And for those of us with complicated medical issues, dieting success percentages approach zero on a close order. And finally, I find it interesting in a society where the average woman is pretty hefty that somehow, those who are more than a little hefty come in for so much abuse. Is it because the merely overweight amongst us feel somehow better because they aren't as big as we are? And when we have surgery and lose the weight, why do so many of them get so hostile? Maybe they feel a little threatened, eh? Maybe even jealous? Maybe by the time the next generation grows up, there will be better, less drastic, solutions to overweight. In the meantime, this one works. Marilyn Marilyn Armstrong Open RNY 3/4/02 Starting weight 258lb., current 110lb. (more or less) at 5'3"

Now, about real psychological issues. On one list on which I participated for a long time, the subject of childhood abuse came up and a surprisingly large number of people, mostly female, but some men too, had been abused as children. I don't know if there's been any research to see if there is any link between childhood abuse and obesity, but I bet there is one. But of course, that is apocryphal. Just my gut suspicion. America is a food-centric society these days. If you doubt this, watch the ads on TV. Count how many ads there are for food in a given hour. I never really noticed it until after surgery when I felt absolutely bombarded with ads for pizza, burgers, fried chicken, ribs, Italian food, soda, beer ... and more and more. For a while it made me crazy. Now it just makes me queasy. I look at ads with happy (thin!) people scarfing down chunks of pizza and fried chicken and all I can see is grease. Yuck. Last I heard, the average woman in this country wears a size 16 ... AND our sizes are MUCH bigger than they were 30 years ago. If you doubt that, go buy some clothing made during the 50s based on your current size and you'll discover that they won't fit. Americans are MUCH bigger ... in every way ... than they used to be. We are, on the whole, overweight. Some of us are just a little overweight, some much more so. How many restaurants sell themselves on serving big portions, eh? The morbidly obese are not exactly their singular target audience, so eating a lot must be a pretty prevalent phenomenon. So maybe ... just maybe ... we who have been or still are morbidly obese somehow think that we have ever so much more baggage than Normal People, whoever they may be. I have a theory. It is unscientific, unproven, and as such is merely my subjective thoughts on a clearly delicate subject. I think most people overeat some of the time. A lot of people overeat most of the time. Some people overeat all of the time. I don't think that psychology accounts for it, except for a small percentage. We live in a society where food is plentiful and cheap ... where fatty, rich food tastes really good. Food is a social function. We get together and we eat. Because we can eat more than we need, we do. In societies where food is scarce, people eat less. In societies where overeating is anti-social, people are -- on the average -- thinner. Some of us are genetically pre-disposed to gain weight and for whatever reasons, are also more inclined to not lose it. That's why it's so common to see multiple siblings in various sizes, even though they've all had essentially the same upbringing. I have two siblings. My brother is overweight, but not fat. My sister is thin. I was fat, now thin. My father was fat, lost it all, kept it off for the rest of his life (50 years to date). My mother never let herself get fat, but she had the discipline of a Marine drill instructor. If she gained five pounds, she immediate increased her exercise, decreased her intake, and lost it. Of her five siblings, 3 were heavy, 3 thin. In my dad's family, the women were fat, the men thin, except for my father who was fat then thin. Does this prove anything? I dunno. Does it? Many of us have really bad eating habits. I'm not sure that bad eating habits are quite the same as Serious Psychological Issues. I think we beat ourselves up a lot. I think we incorporated other peoples' judgments of us into our opinions of ourselves. I think that because we feel that we have somehow failed, that we are more inclined to fail. Whether it's ghrelin levels, sociological conditioning, childhood trauma, low self esteem, some combination of the preceding or whatever, WLS works better than any other solution for the disease of morbid obesity. The rate of long term success for any traditional diet program is poor. And for those of us with complicated medical issues, dieting success percentages approach zero on a close order. And finally, I find it interesting in a society where the average woman is pretty hefty that somehow, those who are more than a little hefty come in for so much abuse. Is it because the merely overweight amongst us feel somehow better because they aren't as big as we are? And when we have surgery and lose the weight, why do so many of them get so hostile? Maybe they feel a little threatened, eh? Maybe even jealous? Maybe by the time the next generation grows up, there will be better, less drastic, solutions to overweight. In the meantime, this one works. Marilyn Marilyn Armstrong Open RNY 3/4/02 Starting weight 258lb., current 110lb. (more or less) at 5'3"

Obesity, Psychology and Weight Loss Surgery by Marilyn Armstrong co. 2003 (write to author for re-print permissions) Okay. Time to shove my (unasked) oar in these waters. I am a gastric bypass patient (3/4/02) who has had multiple complications. In fact, I still have multiple complications. AND I have lost much more weight than I intended and am now downright skinny, although others seem more disturbed by it than I am. And no, I do NOT regret the surgery. Sure the complications have made my life difficult. Sometimes, my life has been beyond difficult ... downright impossible. But thin is STILL better. I am not complaining. I also greatly question Weight Watchers' stats. Do they count the dropouts who do not lose weight, cannot keep on track, and are too embarrassed to continue to come to meetings? Or do they only count those who stay in the program? This is a pretty self-selecting sample. The people who stay with the program are, for the most part, people who are succeeding at it so the statistics will clearly show that IF YOU CAN STAY WITH THE PROGRAM, YOU WILL LOSE WEIGHT. Maybe you'll even keep it off, although I doubt they have tracked the stats on those who do well, then stop coming. What happens to them? I lost weight on every single diet I was ever on until right before surgery when my battered metabolism just gave up and refused to lose weight no matter how little I ate. Jennie Craig got me down 85 lbs. and I kept it off (or most of it, anyway) for more than ten years ... then stuff happened and I threw in the towel, regained all of the weight I lost and added about 40 bonus pounds. Why? It's a long boring story and I'll skip it for the nonce. So here I am, 19 months post op. Am I happy with my weight? Yes, although I admit that 10 - 15 more pounds would probably look a bit better ... but I'm a little frightened of trying to gain weight and in any case, I figure once the docs get my other issues sorted out, I'll probably put on a few pounds as a matter of course. My body has a natural set point and after I can eat more normally, I expect that I'll find it. Am I happy about food? No. I really can't eat much and am highly limited in my choices. It has certainly taken the fun out of food for me, but I have learned to enjoy table talk and ambiance and discovered that there are other reasons for dining than just eating. Would I like to be able to eat a bit more normally? Sure, but life goes on regardless. Has my marriage fallen apart? No, it hasn't. Is it better? No, it's about the same as it was. Whatever problems we had before, we have now. The strong points are still strong. The weak points are still weak. IMHO a lot of people have crappy relationships and all it takes is one big precipitating event and the whole house of straw comes tumbling down. Are morbidly obese people inclined to have crappy relationships more than "regular" people? What do YOU think? Take a person who feels physically poorly much of the time, probably has a self-esteem issue -- if not from some childhood issue, than certainly as a result of being a very fat adult in a society that idolizes "thin" and voila -- low self esteem served up on a silver platter. I know a lot of divorced couples. I've been divorced too. In fact, the stats in the northeast are something like 1-in-3 regardless, and probably among certain professions (like media, say -- and yes, I do speak from experience here) it's a lot higher. Also higher in cities than in the country. Also higher among those with higher incomes. Divorce is very very very common in our society and a sampling of ten couples who didn't make it post WLS hardly constitues a meaningful sample. Among the Weight Loss Surgery (WLS) couples I know -- maybe 30 couples in all -- only one actually went to divorce ... but they weren't in great shape before. Other couples had a bunch of issues to sort out, but thus far (in this last 19 months that I've been paying attention to this stuff) seem to be working it out ... as least as far as they are concerned. Others might argue the point and some of them would probably be better off divorced ... Should there be a better way to lose and keep off weight than massive reconstruction of the digestive tract? Yes, I really wish there were. This procedure is very drastic and not for the faint of heart. If you are doing it so you'll look better in your clothing and that's all, well, that's not good enough to get you through any rough times that might develop. But I think most of us did it because we believed that it was the last-best chance for a healthy life. In some cases, it was do or die, quite literally. As for me, I was either going to lose at least 100 pounds or probably be confined to a wheelchair for the remainder of my time on earth. That was not much of a choice. Part II continued

Shall we dance? It occurred to me while being on HOLD with my insurance company that I am an I.D. to them. A subscriber. So far this subscriber has done everything prescribed to jump the hoops one step closer to the belly dance. So far I've had the ignorant, prejudiced dietician with the health department tell me I need to learn more self control. She also felt the need to tell me this procedure could kill me. And my lap band procedure relates to 12 grapes with carbs how??? She never did mention the food groups but did find time to reveal what she was really thinking, well...you could tell she was thinking it. That all fat people just haven't enough will power. That's it. When it comes right down to it we choose not to turn away from a wrong food choice and it's all our fault that we are obese and we deserve every heart attack, stroke and disease that comes our way. She isn't alone. You can almost see it on the faces of some folks. The way they look at someone who is heavy. No, strike that, let's just call it fat. Not "large, plump, round, PLUS (that's one of my favorites)". It's fat. Let's just come on out with it. and my feet hurt, my back hurts, my legs hurt, my shoulders hurt. I dream of a year from now when I can walk comfortably. I dream of the day when I can run. I dream of the day when I can cover the distance and not breath heaving with each inhale. I have taken a vow to not forget these moments of my life as they are and have been for the past 20 years. The slow rise on the scale. The first time I hit 300. "Don't ever hit 300" she told me in 1993. That was 13 years ago. I past that number a long time ago. So Linda, I didn't listen. Dad, I guess your heart attack didn't hit me hard enough despite the panic disorder it left me with. Grandmother, your diabetes ate away at you, like Pop, losing his legs, but this food addiction has me so hard by the throat I must resort to drastic measures. I must not be the first. United States Patent 5226429 A gastric band adapted for laparoscopic placement around the stomach and a method for deploying the band is described. The band is useful for creating a small pouch with a reinforced stoma in the stomach for the treatment of obesity. A first cannula is introduced into the abdominal cavity. Following gas insufflation, a camera for observing the placement of the band is introduced into the abdominal cavity by means of the first cannula. Two additional second and third cannulas are placed within the abdomen.

Shall we dance? It occurred to me while being on HOLD with my insurance company that I am an I.D. to them. A subscriber. So far this subscriber has done everything prescribed to jump the hoops one step closer to the belly dance. So far I've had the ignorant, prejudiced dietician with the health department tell me I need to learn more self control. She also felt the need to tell me this procedure could kill me. And my lap band procedure relates to 12 grapes with carbs how??? She never did mention the food groups but did find time to reveal what she was really thinking, well...you could tell she was thinking it. That all fat people just haven't enough will power. That's it. When it comes right down to it we choose not to turn away from a wrong food choice and it's all our fault that we are obese and we deserve every heart attack, stroke and disease that comes our way. She isn't alone. You can almost see it on the faces of some folks. The way they look at someone who is heavy. No, strike that, let's just call it fat. Not "large, plump, round, PLUS (that's one of my favorites)". It's fat. Let's just come on out with it. and my feet hurt, my back hurts, my legs hurt, my shoulders hurt. I dream of a year from now when I can walk comfortably. I dream of the day when I can run. I dream of the day when I can cover the distance and not breath heaving with each inhale. I have taken a vow to not forget these moments of my life as they are and have been for the past 20 years. The slow rise on the scale. The first time I hit 300. "Don't ever hit 300" she told me in 1993. That was 13 years ago. I past that number a long time ago. So Linda, I didn't listen. Dad, I guess your heart attack didn't hit me hard enough despite the panic disorder it left me with. Grandmother, your diabetes ate away at you, like Pop, losing his legs, but this food addiction has me so hard by the throat I must resort to drastic measures. I must not be the first. United States Patent 5226429 A gastric band adapted for laparoscopic placement around the stomach and a method for deploying the band is described. The band is useful for creating a small pouch with a reinforced stoma in the stomach for the treatment of obesity. A first cannula is introduced into the abdominal cavity. Following gas insufflation, a camera for observing the placement of the band is introduced into the abdominal cavity by means of the first cannula. Two additional second and third cannulas are placed within the abdomen.

Trying to weigh down the heavy. You would think with all of the excersion I've experienced in my life, the insurance industry would understand that NO simply means an obsticle to overcome. Don't they appear to be the first to confess that WE the obese of America, have a difficult time accepting NO? So why all the fuss? Why the obstacles to my surgery? Get this. Today my insurance company told me they have no list for dieticians or nutritionists. Nothing. Nada. Job description for nutritionist: Counsels participants in response to their nutritional needs in attempting to motivatepositive changes in behavior which will affect their nutritional status and possibly preventfuture medical problems, Develops/teaches classes to participants, meeting the Nutrition Education objectivesdeveloped to meet the needs of the target population 4.Establishes methods of evaluating achievement of nutrition education objectives. 5.Develops/implements nutrition in-services for the staff, enabling Nutrition Technician toteach nutrition education classes and counsel participants. ......................................................................... Sounds preventative to me! Which leads me to believe that staying FAT keeps the medical industry in business. Let's see we have The heart: Cardiologist The lungs: Pulminary The stomach: Gastro Blood chemistry: All that lab work. and most of all THE MEDICATIONS! I'm on NINE. More on this subject later.

Trying to weigh down the heavy. You would think with all of the excersion I've experienced in my life, the insurance industry would understand that NO simply means an obsticle to overcome. Don't they appear to be the first to confess that WE the obese of America, have a difficult time accepting NO? So why all the fuss? Why the obstacles to my surgery? Get this. Today my insurance company told me they have no list for dieticians or nutritionists. Nothing. Nada. Job description for nutritionist: Counsels participants in response to their nutritional needs in attempting to motivatepositive changes in behavior which will affect their nutritional status and possibly preventfuture medical problems, Develops/teaches classes to participants, meeting the Nutrition Education objectivesdeveloped to meet the needs of the target population 4.Establishes methods of evaluating achievement of nutrition education objectives. 5.Develops/implements nutrition in-services for the staff, enabling Nutrition Technician toteach nutrition education classes and counsel participants. ......................................................................... Sounds preventative to me! Which leads me to believe that staying FAT keeps the medical industry in business. Let's see we have The heart: Cardiologist The lungs: Pulminary The stomach: Gastro Blood chemistry: All that lab work. and most of all THE MEDICATIONS! I'm on NINE. More on this subject later.

Lap DanceThat's what I'm calling it. I'm going to do the Lap Dance, I'm going to be Lap Dancing. Still waiting to hear from the physician's office. I will call them once I get home. I may take tomorrow off. I have an urgent urgency to get this done. Last night I told my daughter. It was almost 3 AM, I couldn't sleep. My intention was to tell no one, just my husband. I stayed up because I am so excellerated in my hyper mental state that my normal LULL to bed is gone. She was up from coffee. We sometimes adjourn to a room by ourselves for lovely talks that can go on for several hours. I hesitated in telling her. Because I have an absolute drive for no one to know (more on that later) I am fearful the secrecy will be compromised. But after assurances that she promises not to tell, I told her. I swore her to keep it a secret, to tell no one. She understood with almost no explanation necessary. And so now I wait for the call. I wait for the OK, GO. Waiting you'd think but I know better

Lap DanceThat's what I'm calling it. I'm going to do the Lap Dance, I'm going to be Lap Dancing. Still waiting to hear from the physician's office. I will call them once I get home. I may take tomorrow off. I have an urgent urgency to get this done. Last night I told my daughter. It was almost 3 AM, I couldn't sleep. My intention was to tell no one, just my husband. I stayed up because I am so excellerated in my hyper mental state that my normal LULL to bed is gone. She was up from coffee. We sometimes adjourn to a room by ourselves for lovely talks that can go on for several hours. I hesitated in telling her. Because I have an absolute drive for no one to know (more on that later) I am fearful the secrecy will be compromised. But after assurances that she promises not to tell, I told her. I swore her to keep it a secret, to tell no one. She understood with almost no explanation necessary. And so now I wait for the call. I wait for the OK, GO. Waiting you'd think but I know better

Lap-Band: Laparoscopic Gastric Banding [07 Sep 2006|08:41am] What is it? The Operation: The idea behind the operation is to create a small pouch in the upper part of the stomach with a controlled and adjustable stoma, without stapling, thus limiting food intake. A gastric band device is introduced through tiny (1cm) incisions in the abdomen and is placed around the upper part of the stomach. The resulting pouch (or the "new stomach") dramatically reduces the functional capacity of the stomach. The band has a balloon from the inside that is adjustable and can reduce stoma size, thus prolonging the period of fullness. The operation is performed under general anesthesia and can last between 30 minutes and 1 hour. The Band is fitted around the uppermost part of the stomach, forming a 15cc small pouch. It is designed so that it can be inflated or deflated at any time after the operation. This helps the patient continually lose weight until they reach their goals. The restriction takes place in the radiology suite and normally takes 15 minutes. This simple procedure is painless they inject saline into a port placed under the skin in the wall of the stomach. The tube that comes off of the band leads to the port. The positives: - No cutting of the stomach - No stapling of the stomach - Calibrated pouch and stoma size - Can be adjusted to patient's needs after surgery with no operation to adjust the stoma - Laparoscopic removal possible - Fully reversible - Short hospital stay (does not exceed 48 hours) Lap Dance That's what I'm calling it. I'm going to do the Lap Dance, I'm going to be Lap Dancing. Still waiting to hear from the physician's office. I will call them once I get home. I may take tomorrow off. I have an urgent urgency to get this done. Last night I told my daughter. It was almost 3 AM, I couldn't sleep. My intention was to tell no one, just my husband. I stayed up because I am so excellerated in my hyper mental state that my normal LULL to bed is gone. She was up from coffee. We sometimes adjourn to a room by ourselves for lovely talks that can go on for several hours. I hesitated in telling her. Because I have an absolute drive for no one to know (more on that later) I am fearful the secrecy will be compromised. But after assurances that she promises not to tell, I told her. I swore her to keep it a secret, to tell no one. She understood with almost no explanation necessary. And so now I wait for the call. I wait for the OK, GO. Waiting you'd think but I know better