it is ok to have the feeling you have now, it is normal. you have been through a lot, you are in an emotional tornado, it will get better. you are not stupid you chose to take charge of your life, and do what you know is best to get healthy. we will never have all the answers, to what ifs, don't waste your time on what ifs, we know what we know now, you made the best decision on what you know now, you cant live your life by the fear of what can happen 5 years from now. just know now you did what is best, those feeling will get better, everyday it will get better, one step forward maybe 2 back, then 2 forward and 1 back. there will be a point that you will make a turning point.... you will get better and feel better....healing takes time and i don't mean physical....best wishes for a speedy recovery....physical and emotional...
Mila