daisy0923

I started my journey on October 16, 2009 when I went to my primary doctor and told her I REALLY need to do something about my weight. It was then that she gave me my referral for the LapBand. I guess you could say my "icing on the cake" to get me to discuss things finally with my doctor came on a Sunday afternoon while I was folding laundry. I was standing in our kitchen folding laundry when my then 5 year old son said to me out of the blue: "Mom your FAT!" My husband was like "that isn't a nice thing to say to your Mother." My sons response: "well she is." I didn't know what to say. I felt like my world had stopped and I just got the biggest sucker punch in my stomach. I replied almost immediately making a joke saying: "REALLY??? Where have you been? Are you just noticing this now???" Later that night after all were asleep I layed awake and cried for what seemed like forever. I NEED to change! I have always been a heavy person.... Ever since I can remember I was ALWAYS the bigger friend, daughter etc. I have lived with this way of life all of my life just using the excuse that this was how I was meant to be and what God created. I have always been told (and I'm still told) that I have such a "pretty face" and an awesome personality. Honestly, I am so sick and tired of just being the "pretty face." Whenever I get ready to go somewhere or do something and I get ready doing my hair and make-up, I think to myself as I look in the mirror, "You look good today..." And then I see a picture of myself from that same day and say "I look horrible! Is that really how people see me???" Well, I have done EVERYTHING needed for this surgery, have insurance approval and now I'm just waiting on getting my date. I have told very few people because I am afraid...... I am afraid at failing once again in my life with an issue I have struggled with forever. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs. FOOD is my drug, my comfort and has been my life for 32 years. NO MORE!!! I NEED to do this and win! I NEED to finally start living my life instead of just existing!