swconrad

This is the day before my surgery.  I can't remember a day in my life where I haven't dealt with my weight.  I could take off 30 or 40 pounds but they always came back plus extra pounds.  Several friends of mine have had success with gastric-bypass and with lap-band.  I have looked into this for two years and watched their success and struggles with the various methods.  Lap-band seems the right method for me.  It doesn't seem as drastic and still puts some responsibility on be to be healthy.  I haven't told many people.  I am embarrassed that it has come to this method to lose weight.  What if I fail at this too.  On the other had I am excited and motivated about getting the weight off and more importantly keeping it off for ever.  So I have several things to motivate me.  Some are healthy some are vain.  First is my health.  My mother has dealt with many issues lately and some are due to her being heavy most of her life.  We share a similar health history so I look at her and I don't want that in my life.  We have already shared breast cancer, I don't want heart problems also and diabetes.  Second my children are getting older they are going to get married soon.  I want to look good for that, and also to be a healthy fun loving on the go grand-parent with that lucky time comes in my life.  Third I want to look good for my husband and to feel good.  This is mostly my problem.  He has never even at my heaviest made me feel bad about how I look and has always told me how much he loves me and is turned on by me.  I believe he really feels this way, but I don't.  This is the area where my self-esteem is caught up in.  It is probably the place I am most vain and vulnerable. So tomorrow starts my journey.  I want to take off about 100 pounds.  It all starts with one step and I am taking it.