wendy, i know exactly where you're coming from. i've been morbidly obese for the last 15 years and i've alwyas managed to lose 20-40lbs if i was on a strict diet but just like you and probably most of us.. i always gained back more than i lost. i had surgery 12 days ago .. and even after surgery i had some buyers remorse. but i think what i have to keep in mind is that, there aren't really that many 50-60yr old 300lb males out there .. because they just don't live that long .. and what i want is a healthier long life .. but more than that i wanna enjoy that life while i'm here .. being morbidly obese is a task .. and no longer want that.. that's why we're all here on this forum.. i've lose 17lbs since surgery .. (in 12 days) so , i think i'm well on my way , and a year from now .. all the anguish i went through is not going to be near the feeling i'm gonna have when i'm a new me! hang in there honey!