aprilalison

I'd heard prior to having surgery that Lap-Banders have a higher rate of divorce than normal. The person losing weight becomes more confident and strong and able to make choices they'd been afraid to in their "prior" life. I was prepared for that and was not worried because I was totally in love with my husband (and truthfully still am). I've lost over 100 lbs in the last year and a half, during which my husband had his first and only severe bout of depression. I've tried to be understanding, loving, non-judgmental, encouraging, etc. I tried to be there every time he needed me and backed off when he didn't. I talked him down many times when he didn't see any point in moving on. He started volunteering working with animals to begin his bridge back to working (has been out of work for nearly 2 years). His lack of employment has been due to his emotional state, not due to lack of skill or opportunity. I've never once shown disapproval or asked anything of him, except to make the effort to get better. I've held his hand through drug abuse, self-medication with alcohol, public embarassment and more. I've never waivered in my support or unconditional love of him. He said recently, I was "an ideal wife". He says that I did everything a husband could ask for and more. So, imagine my confusion when I found out that my 42-year-old heavy and bald husband was not just sleeping with a college-aged girl, but exchanging "I love yous" with each other. I'm 35. He squashed any chances of us trying to work things out by faking "break ups" with her and resorting to name-calling and alcohol-induced rants where he displayed his inability for fidelity. I've never once, through this whole devastating process, raised my voice much less yelled at him or called him names. Someone explained that the non-Lap-Banded partner can feel insecure in their relationship and turn elsewhere for attention to validate their insecurity. I tried to be cognizant of this by telling him daily something I found attractive about him. I made sure that I let him know that he was often on my mind. I often made sacrifices for us financially (sewing my clothes instead of getting new ones as I lost weight, clipping coupons, etc) so he could have his comfort items - pipe tobacco, gummy bears and the like. So, I have to wonder, if I'd never had a Lap-Band, if I'd never lost the weight, would he have remained faithful? Was my losing weight the catalyst that drove him into the arms of another? I know he regrets his decisions and wishes he could take them back, but I also know he's not willing (or unable) to change that behavior and I won't continue to allow myself to live in a situation where I'm reminded daily of his girlfriend. He has many faults, as do I, and I have loved him just as much with those faults as I would have were he "perfect". I wish I could get to the point where I'm angry, but my heart is struggling to let go and move on. I feel like, while I look much better having lost weight, it's mostly with clothes ON. Clothes off in front of a long mirror serves as a reminder as to how I abused my body with inappropriate eating habits for so long. How can one expect to find another person who is willing to look past the skin that looks melted and saggy? Has anyone else experienced this situation and if so, how did you get through it? Sometimes I feel as though I'm at a breaking point and that my future looks pretty bleak. Thanks for any advice. And I know God is watching over me and he'll see me through, give me strength, etc.(my mother reminds me daily), but sometimes when it's quiet, I hear nothing and the silence is unbearable.

Thanks to all of you for the kindness you've shown me. I appreciate all of you so very much.

@juicy - Lap Band is not a miracle. It doesn't let you consume a large amount of calories and still lose weight. It does, however, with proper maintenance, give you a tool to use to make it easier. For example, take my brother and I. We both come from the same genes, same family growing up, same influences, same diet. As of 2 years ago, we were both obese. I, however, opted for Lap-Band surgery and have used it to the best of my ability. If my brother were to have a Lap-Band put in now, he wouldn't lose much, if any, weight. He is not one who is ready to make a real change. He'll keep drinking his milkshakes and ice cream and beer and cheesecake. On the flip side, I haven't had Haagen Dazs in a year and a half, same with soda. If I continued to eat and drink the way I did before, I'd remain the same weight. Now, I opt for grilled chicken breast with sauce & dressing on the side at Buffalo Wild Wings instead of breaded boneless drenched in garlic parmesan and bleu cheese dressing. A lot of it is about choices. A gal I work with hasn't changed her diet, doesn't get her band filled and complains that now she burps a lot (she drinks soda exclusively). I would not recommend Lap-Band for anyone who is not ready to make a true effort at changing their life. I tried for over a decade to lose my weight on my own and thankfully, a year and a half later, I am over 100 lbs lighter and have gone from a size 28 pants to a solid 14. Barring some type of medical condition, it really is a calories game. Guaranteed if you're 300 lbs and you're only eating 1200 calories a day (even if you're a couch potato all day), you WILL lose weight. However, if you only eat one meal and it's a 3500 calorie meal, it's gonna be tough to lose that weight. Also, make sure you're getting enough protein. The weight will come off much easier if you make your calories work for YOU. You'll learn more about your body as you go along. I know that mine is fond of eating very late in the evening, but if I do, I pay for it on the scale. Make SURE to keep going to see your doc until you see results. I guess one big question is... do you FEEL restricted? Are there things you have difficulty eating or does it feel like before the surgery where you're ravenous? I wonder if you have a leak or a placement problem. That's a lot of fluid to feel no or little restriction. Good luck!

I echo the sentiments of some of the other folks here. No KFC. Try some scrambled eggs or cottage cheese. They're still soft foods, but filling... especially the eggs. Great protein too. You need to start slowly introducing the foods to find your tolerance level. Once you dive in and devour a food that gets stuck the first time, you will regret having shoveled it in. Take your time. Find soft, filling foods and drink a lot of fluid. Good luck!

I am officially a member of the 100# losers club as of today - as of 10 minutes ago! HOLY MOLY!

I would assert that it's from 2 days if your surgery went really well and you're pretty tough or 2 months if you're on the opposite end of the spectrum. I work a desk job too and I had surgery on a Wednesday and was back to work the following Monday. I took only Thurs & Fri off, along with the weekend. One thing that will help, if you have your own space, is to bring a pillow with you and have it to support your belly. That was the worst part for me - I felt like my guts wanted to come out while walking around the house, but holding the pillow close gave me the extra support and comfort I needed.

Yep, we all have that feeling - we were all overeaters before-hand and a lot of us find comfort from food. Funny enough, yesterday we had veggie soup and my husband sliced some French bread thin and baked it with some Provolone on top. I took one small bite of the bread and realized nope - that's not going to sit well. I looked at him and said, "You have no idea how much I want to cram that piece of bread in my mouth and enjoy every calorie of it." It just isn't gonna happen. I know the old adage of "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels", but that's hard to reconcile in my mind - it's apples and oranges to me. However... I find the more time that comes between myself and a specific food, the less I crave it. Example: we had a bag of bugles in the house a few months ago. I had a few and my God they were good. I ended up eating more and buying more and eating more. The more I gave in, the more I wanted it. I'm the same with ice cream or McDonalds. I finally have to stop cold turkey because I can't wean - if I eat a little, I want more. Once you get over the hump of cravings, it's not as bad on the flip side. It's something we'll all likely struggle with for most of our lives. It's why we don't do so well when left to our own willpower. Don't beat yourself up over it - celebrate each victory but don't mourn your losses too badly.

Thanks Lisa & Rainy - I'll check out the Pearls - I've never heard of those before. I'm a big yogurt person though. Does anyone know if freezing the yogurt kills the good bacteria? I'm in love with Go-Gurts.

Thank you to those of you brave enough to post on this embarassing subject. I am also having major problems in this area. I was banded in June and the problem has gotten progressively worse. I talked to my doc and they told me just take 1 stool softener a day and that should take care of it. It's nothing for me to go two weeks in between movements. Here's what I've tried... Stool softeners - started with 1 then 2 then 3 a day. No luck. Strong coffee. Before surgery, if I was backed up, a strong cup of Starbucks took care of that problem. Now, nothing. Exercise. I walk from building to building at work and have been doing home renovations myself so my body has been moving, but not my bowels. Fiber - Fiber One bars, Fiber cereal, Fiber Gummies, fruit, cherry flavored prunes. I find that the extra Fiber gives me terrible, terrible gas pain. The natural cherry flavored prunes are the best so far. I started with a few and kept upping the amount. After a quite large quantity of prunes at first I started to go, but even eating 5-10 a day isn't resolving the problem anymore. Plus, I'm getting very tired of the taste of even cherry or orange flavored prunes. Plus, when I eat a lot of prunes, they fill me up and I don't get my protein in. Occasional laxatives - somewhat effective, but terrible cramps. Plus, I dislike the idea of trying laxatives. I have endured things in the bathroom that no person should have to endure. I've come out in tears, exhausted and embarrassed. I will not discuss the details of what I've had to do to get the baseball sized compacted poo out of me. It's simply unbearable. I am tired of bleeding every time I poo. I'm embarrased to go at work because what if someone hears me sniffling while trying to poop and I'm embarrased to go at home because it never fails to stop up the toilet for days, even after it goes part-way down. It's become a very serious problem for me. I'm incredibly ashamed to even have to post this online to try to get help, but it's easier than talking to someone (even my doc) face-to-face about it. It's extra hard to speak to my doctors about it because I work for the same company in a professional position - it's awkward. So, to sum up: I do not tolerate fiber well at all, I'm severely, severely constipated and nothing seems to be working. Feeling a little hopeless.

Hang in there! You will start to lose shortly. It's totally normal. My first month out I lost almost nothing, even gained at points. I stressed like crazy over it, which I'm sure made the situation worse. Make sure you're eating enough (if your body gets too few calories it goes into "starvation" mode and hangs on to fat. Also, make sure you're getting plenty of Protein. It tells your body it's ok to get rid of fat, you've got protein to sustain it. Take your time to heal. It's ok not to lose during this time. It's your calm before the weight loss storm.

I was banded June 29th and I'm now down 68lbs and so very happy!

Back in my early twenties, I used to sing professionally. I was recruited to bands in different cities - Los Angeles and Seattle being the biggest and I've travelled all over the US and a bit in Canada singing. I've done everything from voiceover work to weddings to giant Amway convention in the Cincinnati Coliseum. Since I started gaining weight 10 years ago, you can count my performances on your fingers. I am just not confident enough to be up there with everyone staring at me, knowing it's my weight not my voice that is being focused upon. I've been invited and asked over the years, but I only made exceptions for good friends for weddings or funerals. I even stopped practicing, which at my peak I enjoyed doing for 1-2 hours each day. Now that I'm 50% to my goal of weight loss, I can feel my confidence coming back. If I'm in my car, I'm practicing, trying to gain my high register back. I've setup our back bedroom as a makeshift practice area. I'm soon going to accept a friend of a friend's offer to join him on some paid gigs. Not quite there yet, but getting closer. Lap Band has not only changed my life, it's saved it.

I disagree on two counts. I like the name - it's intended for newbies to get that this is a post where you can get gobs of information. In a sense, if you've been through it, you become an expert on some things. Second, I disagree with the PBing. My opinion is that burping is burping. I burped before I had a band, I still burp after I got the band. PBing is different - Productive burp means a burp that is productive - i.e. it produces something. I cannot STAND to vomit. If I truly throw up, I end up with tiny red dots all over my face (broken blood vessels) - it's not pretty, but I've always been that way. Nausea precedes vomiting and it's literally your stomach convulsing and forcing food up your esophagus along with bile and acid. Nasty stuff. Tastes and smells disgusting. If I'm vomiting, you know it two rooms over because I'm not a quiet girl. Sliming/foaming, meh... not so bad. I don't hate it. I can silently slime right into my office garbage can and no one is the wiser. It has no acid, no bile and doesn't taste repulsive. There is no nausea, it's just a pressure feeling where you know you've had too much. It's very similar to a baby spitting up. That's not considered vomiting, just when the baby's had enough, whoooop - up comes the excess. Just my two cents... love the original post.

I'm in completely the same boat. I am great, in control, and satisfied until around 9-10pm. Then, I feel ravenous. It seems like it doesn't matter what I eat, because I still feel hungry. I'm more hungry at night than breakfast, lunch and dinner combined. Typically, if I eat anything in the hours before bed, I will see a gain on the scale in the morning. The only food I've found so far that helps fill me up but doesn't have the negative consequences on the scale is carrots. Carrots seem to do the trick - I'll eat a whole raw carrot and most often can't finish it. Luckily, my dogs LOVE raw carrots, so they sit staring at me until I finish. Sometimes I dip it in greek yogurt I've seasoned up with cucumbers, dill and lemon juice (tsaziki sauce) or greek yogurt mixed with powdered ranch dressing for variety. The only thing is that sometimes, I just don't want carrots. Those are my bad scale days. I think I might try alternating carrots with chicken like someone recommended. I get the frozen skinless chicken tenders and love to eat them with some hot sauce (really low cal). They only end up being like 75 cal each. Yes, I love my bleu cheese to dip, but I've tried using low cal bleu cheese vinegrette instead and it's a much lower cal alternative. Good luck and I look forward to seeing other suggestions. (Plus it's good to know I'm not insane in my nighttime hungries.)