I have crazy mixed feelings today and I apologize for the rambling nature of this post.
Today I met with my surgeon (Dr. Ren @ NYU), as I haven’t seen her since January. Don’t get me wrong with what I am about to write here – I really like Dr. Ren, she’s a straight shooter, which is how I am – so it makes me feel comfortable. A mild mannered, soft-spoken surgeon would probably make me nuts.
Anyhow, today I posed this to her:
I explained that I recently went to an outdoor concert and the temps were 90+ and holy heck, I was hot! I found myself guzzling Water to stay cool and hydrated and had a moment - where I wondered what I would do with the lap-band (and I don't mean 2 days post op or even 3 months post-op - I mean LIFE post-op) and so I asked, what would I do? Would I be forced to sip water when I was sweating gallons? And, yes, I’m a sweater and yes, I’m sure this will get better with weight loss, but I come from a family of thin sweaty people, so I am expecting this problem will probably stick with me (oh lucky me!) Anyway, is this really a crazy question? Maybe it is, but in defense of myself, I am pre-op, which means I can read and read these boards and heck, even watch videos on YouTube, but really I don’t know JACK about post-op until I’m there (which drives me nuts – I need ANSWERS TO EVERYTHING NOW).
Anyway, she got kind of, I don’t know what to call it, by my anxiety (which is fair – to her this is GREATLY increasing my quality of life and I’m over here fretting about the differences of gulping, sipping and guzzling), but this is me. We did speak about putting off the surgery, canceling and then possibly maybe seeing someone for the fact that I am scared of changing my behaviors, but then I was like NO, I want to go through with this (this also felt a little reverse-psychology to me).
Moving on..
We also spoke about the flurry of negative press around both her and the practice (there was an article yesterday or the day before in Reuters) and let’s just say, it’s weird/scary to see your surgeons name out there in the press, but it is what it is and it does bother me a little, but I’m trying not to dwell.
And this is where I am right now. I’m trying to come to terms with my over-thinking, is it just me? Am I crazy? Also, I seriously need a band buddy. The one girl I know who has a band eats Doritos and drinks Coke (not even diet) and I feel as if maybe, just maybe she wouldn’t make the best band buddy. And yes, I plan on going to some NYU support meetings, but work is pretty insane right now and it's hard to find the time (I know, make the time, but I have deadlines people!)