The letter to your friends was unfortunate. This passive/aggressive letter stood to inform them of your anger and disappointment in them. Who wants to be a friend to someone who shames them because they do not give enough attention to you? Your self absorption discludes any kind of same "shared experience" with you. Please count how many times you used the word "I" in your letter. This journey that you are on is to find out who the real "you" is. This is your journey, not theirs. If you look, you will see that your self-absorption does not allow your friends any room to even want to give of themselves to you, because you are aggressively demanding it from them. Taking hostages is not the same thing as making friends. Be of service to them and they will be happy to reciprocate. Friends are not something that you "deserve", rather, they are people to whom you give of yourself. The main point is: Stop talking about yourself all the time. If you do a self inventory, you will find that you talk about yourself a lot and play the victim. I think you are probably in your 20's. It is a very self absorbed age. It is up to you to be someone lovable that people want to have around. Care about your friends. Don't just expect them to love you. Love is an action and a choice.