Piper

Hi everyone, My doctor told me yesterday that I really should have Lap Band surgery and he wants to schedule me with the surgeon. We had discussed it before, but now it seems like it's more than a suggestion from him. Simple as that. Dieting hasn't worked. Pregnancy weight decided to stick around for the long run. It's my fault. I know. You don't get this fat on celery and 3 mile jogs. I did this. But I also always thought of my weight as my temporary problem. I didn't want to face obesity as "me" but rather as just something I had to get past - like a cold. I feel like Lap Band is the point of no return. It defines me as an obese person - not a normal person who is temporarily obese. Does that make sense? And at the same time, a point of hope. Ok, not really. I say "hope" but I still keep saying in my head "I've become the fat person who gets obesity surgery." Can anyone relate? Meaning, I'm so fat that I've become one of "those" people. And yet, perhaps this is the chance to hope to be normal again. My husband loves me, but he didn't sign up for someone quite as fat as I am. My baby daughter loves me, but what sort of example am I setting for her? What will her expectations regarding weight be? Will she resign herself to one day being as fat as I am? I am 5'5" and I just tipped 250 lbs. 250! It's a magic number, so it seems. 250 seems like it might as well be 300 or 400 or get-out-the-crane-she-wants-out-of-bed sort of deal. I could fool myself as long as I didn't hit this awful terrible number. And then I did, yesterday at the doctor's office, where he didn't have the scale set at -5lbs like I have the dial set at home (where I spit into the sink and take off my jewelry and use the toilet and stay in there until I can pretend I see 239.) And with all this, maybe Lap Band can help me be normal again! Is there really hope? Dare I get so excited to think that there's a tool to help me solve this problem ... that if I just get past the mental block, I can actually be another boring normal-weight someone who disappears in a crowd? ~Piper P.S. I am sorry if I have offended anyone by saying I don't want to be "one of those people." I'm just being honest with my feelings about what Lap Band suggests. Didn't anyone else feel like that? I'm sorry.

Everyone, to say I am overwhelmed by the outpouring of support here would be an understatement. I actually don't know how to respond to all the thoughtfull responses. Whenever I've tried to talk about my weight with any of my friends or family, it's always been brushed off (you carry it well, you can lose it, you're ok, it's not so bad, etc - even though I knew that 100+ lbs of excess weight is not "ok") ... I'm not sure if the intent was to encourage me, to make me feel better, or whatever ... but I've never really been able to talk about this. And now I just post some lame random post about what's on the top of my mind, and suddenly I have all these responses - vegg, steph, kygal, bk, Wheetsin (!!!!), carol, nume, angie, doug. If I had only ONE of you to talk with over the last 5 years, let alone all of you. I'm overwhelmed, and confused, and I looked at the before/after pix and I can't believe it. I have so much thinking to do. And I am so very very grateful for all of you who responded to my post. Thank you. I don't know how to respond because I feel like I'll sound stupid. But I've also read each response at least 5 times. I took today off of work (called in sick, yikes) because my mind is in a brain freeze. I can't think of anything else. It's almost like my first highschool crush where there's just one thing on my mind. So ... lap band. and all you people. And whether it's my idea or I'm being pressured into it. And what do I want. I have no idea how any of made it through the early stages of seriously considering it. It's like life has stopped, and the idea of lap band has taken over. At least I know I'm not taking the idea lightly :nervous

Charlotte's Web Old Yeller (as examples where main characters die in children's literature) Sure, they were non-human, but it's still a precedent of sorts. Then there was Little Women. Death of main non-dispensable characters in not completely unheard of in children's literature. I'm sure I'm missing some other examples. The above were just the first to come to mind.