Nicole74

Tired...that is how I explain the way I feel after dieting for the last 15 years. I have been overweight pretty much my whole life but during my teenage years I was very active and athletic and looking back, I looked damn good but of course I didn't think so then, I was very insecure in school and always wanted to be smaller, I was made fun of at times for my weight and that impacted me about myself a great deal. After college is when the weight started packing on and when the yo-yo dieting started. I joined Weight Watchers when I was 22, I was 242lb,s I lost 41lbs. I excerised alot and measured and weighed my food, I did manage to keep it off for 6 months but once I stopped I gained it all back plus 10lbs more.For the next 10 years I fluctuated betweeen 215 and 250. I tried diet after diets and the old fashion exercise and cut back, but I just loved food, I loved to eat, I loved to go to restaurants on dates and with friends, I couldn't stick with a diet for more than a month or two. I usually dieted either before a special event or vacation than once the event was over I would stop and gain it all back. When I lost the weight I felt great but I just could never keep it off. I found that either I was on or off a diet and when I was off I was REALLY off. I would pretty much eat whatever I wanted when I wasn't dieting and than do some crash diet and lose it all again. I would gain weight at warp speed. Sometimes 5lbs in a week.  It was a vicious cycle I couldn't break. I was now 30  years old. Than I met my future husband, got married in 2006 and had a baby the following year. When I got married, I weighed 225lbs. A year after I had my son I was 270lbs and miserable. I hated the way I looked but I just couldnt bring myself to start a diet or exercise. I did join weight watchers but I only stuck with it for about 3 months and lost 10lbs. I really started noticing how the weight was impacting my life. I had a hard time keeping up with my son, I realized it was harder for me to get up from a sitting position, my feet began to swell when I sat for long periods of time, I was up to a size 22 which killed me because I have always been very stylish and i found that it is really hard to find stylish clothing in plus size that I liked. I found myself spending more money on clothing and than hating the way I looked, trying to fill the void just put me in debt and left me feeling even worse about myself. I used to love taking pictures of myself  and now I avoid a camara at all costs. When I do see a picture of myself I am shocked at how heavy I look and cannot believe I let myself get this overweight. The past 6 months have been the worse. I am pushing 300lbs and feel so tired and unhappy with myself. Its starting to impact my relationship with my husband.  Before the end of the year I decided that I had to do something drastic. I knew that I needed something that could help me, a tool that could help me eat better and with smaller portions, something that could finally get me to where I want to be and stay there. I knew about lapband, I had a friend at work who had it done and lost 70lbs, I had a close friend that had been looking into it for a year or more so I decided to start research on it myself. I kept it to myself until I knew I was serious about the surgery. I talked to my husband and he was very supportive. He knew how bad I have been feeling about myself and he saw first hand the physical and emotional struggle I have dealt with in regards to my weight.  I knew it wasn't something that was covered by our insurance and I would have to be selfpay but I was hoping that I could find a way to come up with the money and I did.  I went ahead and made my first consult appointment in Feb. 2010. The Weight Loss clinic I went to did try to get my insurance to cover it but after a waste of a month and half I got declined anyway. My surgery is scheduled for Aug. 2010. I am very excited, nervous and a little scared but I know that this is something I HAVE to do. I really feel that this will give me the help I need. I kept praying that if getting banded was meant to be for me that it would happen and happen fairly easy and if it wasn't meant to be that the Lord would put some major red lights in front of me. So I have to trust that this is what is meant to be for me because it happend pretty quick with no major obstacles.  I know that I want to have more children and I want to be with my family as long as I possibly can and right now I am on the right path to make that happen!!