kurby

I was 25 and went to the dr for what i thought was a routine check up. My regular dr was taking a year off for family so I had a stand in. She did some tests and wanted me to do more. I had been having some problems with my AF over the past year which was very unusual since you could set your clock by my 28 day 8am wake up call.

When all was said and done this dr informed me that not only did i have PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) but would probably never have children.

Why didn't she just shot me in the heart. All I ever wanted was to have a child since as far back as I could remember.

The started me down the deep dark depression (3d's) path. For over 5 years I maintained a somewhat social life with my friends but never really wanted a relationship with anyone. After-all, who'd want someone who couldn't have children.

My friends had kids whom I adored and treated almost as if they were mine but lets face it.... they weren't.

Along with the 3D's and over the 5-7 years I gained and lost over 75lbs then gained some more. I finally broke out of the depression around 32 or 33 and started looking at relationships again.

This is when I met Patrick. My love. He was wonderful, caring, and didn't give a shit that I was overweight.

On his plus side, he ran marathons, loved life and liked to travel. On the negative - he's a chef. Or is that a positive since i hate to cook. He loves to cook... healthy and not so healthy foods.

When we got married in 2004 I was 100lbs over my early 20's weight. Not totally loving it but ok with it and hoping to lose some. After the wedding we had made an appointment with a fertility specialist to see exactly what the problem was and if it could be fixed. Well apparently it could be fixed because 1 month later I was pregnant with Cassandra.

Throughout my pregnancy I had really bad morning sickness. The best it got was once a day... the worst - 3 times a day. Every day. For the entire pregnancy.

Needless to say I lost a lot of weight from conception to about the 7 month mark when I started gaining it all back and then some. By the time I gave birth I was 40lbs heavier then when I got married and this is where i'm at today.

It's been 4 1/2 years since having Cassie and I haven't lost a single pound. In fact I've gained another 15lbs since last year.


So.................... Recently I've decided to go for the very expensive Slimband/Lapband surgery. Not nearly as invasive as Gastric bypass, reversible and controllable.


It's a huge step and not an easy out by any means. After years and years of diets that fail I just don't have the energy anymore to get motivated.


I want to be healthy for my daughter and if possible have another child which just isn't happening at this weight.


My goal. To lose 140lbs.


While I won't talk about how much I do weigh I will say that at 5'8" I will look great if I lose the 140lbs.


I've called the slimband clinic and will be scheduling a mid August appointment. We are going away for the entire month of July so August is the earliest I can do this.


From now until then I am trying hard not to eat the portion sizes I'm used to but it's giving me major headaches when I don't so I have to balance the two so I don't get sick.


When I get brave enough I'll post some current pictures of myself but I'm just not comfortable doing that right now.

So there it is - I've put it out into the wide expanses of the Internet.


Thanks for reading.