PhatGoddess

Hello. My name is Nicole. I am almost 37 years old. I have been overweight my whole life. As a teenager I managed to maintain being only 10-15 pounds overweight. Unfortunately this enraged my mother because I just could not take off the 10-15 pounds and I was verbally abused constantly and put on fad diets, had food hidden from me, and was starved when she felt necessary. She was obsessed with her own weight because she was chubby as a child and constantly teased for it. So she apparently decided that my 10-15 pounds was a reflection on HER and that I HAD to lose it. As a result, when I moved out on my own at 16, I decided then and there that I could eat WHATEVER I wanted WHENEVER I wanted. And I DID!


Unfortunately because of my mother's obsession with not only my weight but her own, I have never had a "healthy" relationship with food. By the time I was 19 years old I had ballooned up to 215 pounds from 160. Then I moved 5 hours away from what little family I had and I was MISERABLE. In the 3 months I lived in Vermont, food was my best friend and I packed on another 70 pounds! 70 pounds in 3 MONTHS!!! But my doctors still would tell me what a "healthy fat girl" I was. They had never seen anyone my size so healthy. SO I didn't care that I was that large. My husband and I met when I was 215 and the extra weight didn't matter to him. So I used to tell people, "YES, I'm fat. I have no problem with it. If YOU do, tough!" or "I'm fat but I could care less. I love food and I refuse to starve myself to make YOU happy". When I got pregnant with my oldest at 26 years old I was 315. That's when things started going downhill. My thyroid went out of control while I was pregnant and I was threatened with miscarriage. I was in the doctor's office every week for the first 2 months of my pregnancy and then every other week for the rest. I was NOT a pleasant pregnant woman. I was ill all the time, tired and felt like I was carrying a house. After having my son, I literally lost 30 pounds in the first 4 days! For about 3 months after that I lost another 30 pounds with no effort. But then my thyroid went crazy again and I gained every pound plus some back.
That's when I started to THINK it was time to do something about it.(the key word being THINK) I had tried weight watchers before my pregnancy but did not see a lot of results. I had tried fad diets but had the same problem. I had even literally starved myself only to gain the weight back. I had once quickly considered weight loss surgery but decided that it was stupid and that I was against it. If it was going to be it was up to ME to do it ON MY OWN.

At 30 I was 330 and I became pregnant with my youngest. This one was even worse than the first! I felt like hell. I was ENORMOUS from month 3 on. It was during the summer which made things so much worse and by month 6 I had developed hypertension. Three days before he was born I heard one of the OB's ask my midwife what she was going to do about me because I was as "big as a house". YES, that is LITERALLY what the woman asked my midwife! After having my 2nd, I lost 45 pounds within 3 months and again, my thyroid went mental and I gained it all back PLUS some.
I made attempts at other diets. Atkins, weight watchers(multiple times), and some fad diets. I used herbs to level out your blood sugar and release the fat from your body. I tried green tea and other "over the counter" remedies and got no where. I even went through a period where I went to the gym every day for an hour and a half a day and lost NO weight!!! My doctor was no help. I was in pain every day and I was asking for help and he would tell me he would not do anything to help ANY of my problems(including the ones that had nothing to do with my weight like my carpal tunnel) until I lost some weight. I got depressed because I was getting NO professional help. I was in pain every day. It was getting harder and harder to move around and I had a business and children to take care of. When I asked my dr for antidepressants to get me out of my funk so that I could try and start over he told me "Just start working out every day again! You don't need them and I'm NOT giving them to you". That was the last straw!
I switched to a new doctor that a friend was going to. The first conversation I had with her she discussed weight loss surgery. I told her ADAMANTLY NO. My mother in law had done the gastric bypass surgery and almost DIED. My husband would NEVER go for me having surgery after what happened to his mother. She referred me to a surgeon anyway "just in case I changed my mind". This was June or July of 2009. In October she asked me again and I told her that I would only even CONSIDER Lapband and that I was only CONSIDERING it. She referred me again. In December I finally decided to take the referral and try to do something with it. I called the surgeons office a few times but got no return call and didn't push it. I am a Passion Parties Executive Director. So in March we have convention every year in Las Vegas. At convention I found out that 2 of the girls on my team had done the lapband surgery in the last year and a half and both of them looked PHENOMENAL and were more than willing to give me all the info. So when I came home from convention I went to the doctor again and asked her for the surgeon information. This time I got an answer when I called and was whisked into the process IMMEDIATELY.

In 2 months I had already completed 85% of the requirements that my insurance company requires. I talked to my insurance company in advance. I told them my story and they said as long as I follow through with the requirements, it will be no problem getting approval. My husband did not like the idea and I'm not sure he has even "come around" BUT he is supporting my decision because he understands and has been with me through all of my time being morbidly obese. I have promised him that the lapband is my ONLY attempt and that I won't even consider what his mother did. I had my follow up appointment with my surgeon back in July. I was told then that I needed to have an Esophogeal Motility study done because during my upper GI they noticed some "dismotility". I finished up all of my requirements for the insurance company on August 6th but it took me until September 7th to get the motility study done. I received my results for that on September 22nd and my letter to the insurance company was submitted on September 24th. 6 months to the day of my first dr's appointment. I FINALLY received my approval letter in the mail on October 6th. The date on the letter says December 6th. My surgeon's office told me when they called to make my pre-op appointment that the actual date would be scheduled during that appointment. But I finally have my approval and I'm done with jumping through all the hoops!