Tinagrl

I would like to start a "daily reflections" type support thread here on LBT for people with Self Esteem issues and codependency that in turn causes us to overeat and engage in self destructive behaviors. I really personally need support on these issues and desperately am in need of forming some close online friendships to help me deal with my own self esteem and co dependency issues. Please join me in an attempt to recover from codependency and low self esteem and do it TOGETHER Here is my daily reflection for this morning: I am hoping to get to the book store today and purchase a book on low self esteem and codependency. I want to educate myself more on the reasons BEHIND my overeating and other addictions. I know i have a slew of life's issues due to my low self esteem problem. My relationship is unhealthy and i generally feel terrible about myself. I am about to make some major life changes by having the lap band surgery but i think its important that we get to the bottom of WHY it is we are addicted to food and WHY it is we overeat. Join me please to build a support system together ....share your experience strength and hope with us in hopes to form new friendships and make headway into a new and healthy life!!! Laters, Tina

Is anyone following the Atkins plan for before or after Lapband surgery? Im thinking about following a low carb until my surgery pre op starts and then again after surgery. Anyone doing this?

Well the surgeons office called today and canceled my appointment for today. I have to go thursday now Made me mad because they called like an hour before my apt was suposed to be Went to target for a few minutes today and walked for a few minutes. It helped a little. Glad everyone is back on the wagon after the holidays. I lost another 3 lbs the last 3 days just going through all the stress. I will update my ticker soon. Laters, Tina

Well, The last 3 days has been pure hell. Having relationship issues bigtime and im in a pretty bad depression. I go to see the surgeon today and after that i may go to the hospital to see about getting my head together before surgery. I want to go into this with a clear and happy head. I know you guys aren't "mental health professionals" but i know one thing: You guys are more support than Ive had in years and for that...thank you...to each and every one of you. I know another thing. There are two sides to every story and i personally know that if my wife was talking on this thread she would have a whole other story to tell too so i will probably keep my relationship issues out of the thread. It works better for me i think and then i dont give you guys the wrong impression or idea's. I spent a couple days at my sisters. It was refreshing. I got to see some lights come on that have been dark for many many years now. Jessica i think getting a real face to face friend is going to be very important. I need to do the same thing. Right now though, i feel like im in a dark hole and i dont know how to climb out. Gotta get my head strait before i can do anything or i will just end up running into a brick wall. Im close....very close. Thank you guys for all your love and support i hope you all have a great week. I will check in after my surgeon apt. Laters, Tina

Hi i will write more later to explain whats going on. Dont worry im ok and thanks for all your support. Later, Tina

Melody i agree with you. I am a FIRM believer in the Atkins/low carb eating plans. It is amazing how you can see lab work go back into normal ranges and people coming off insulin all from cutting out the carbs. I plan on eating very low carbs...and sticking to as close to atkins as i can after my surgery. I do know that people dont know that Atkins diet DOES promote that we eat 12-15g of carbs a day in only Vegetables. That is a lot of veggies if you look at the back of veggie packages at the carb content in vegetables. They are generally very low in carbs if they arent a starchy veggie. And you dont have to eat a bunch of fat if you dont want to. I eat Turkey bacon instead of fatty bacon. Change it up a bit, but cutting out the unhealthy carbs...starch, white flour, ect....can never be a bad thing Happy New Year everyone!!! Tina

Sorry i have been junking up the thread with all my problems. I will hush for a while and just read Thanks for all your advice. It has been years since i drank and even when i drank i never cheated on her, beat her up, spent a lot of money took the car anyway drunk...none of that. Just drank. At home. With her...like ive been for 6 years locked in a cage. Anyway, happy new year everyone Laters Tina

Pedi sounds wonderful! I will get one soon i hope! Things are about the same. Off to the bookstore. Hugs Tina

Hey Guys! Im at my sisters 6 am 1/1/11 just waking up. Of course i didnt drink last night but it was fun anyway. I went to the nursing home and spent some time with the older folks. A lot of them at this home are in really bad shape. They need round the clock care and have nurses taking care of them so it sure was nice for them to have people there to visit them. My sister took her guitar to the home and sang a bunch of songs...old songs and some of her new songs. They were so excited that a country music star was in there singing to them...how special is that. It was really good for my sister too. She even hung around after helping people get their cake and tea. I was bad last night but there was nothing else to eat lol. I had enchillada's. Homeade. They really didnt have anything else for me to eat here i feel guilty but what was i gonna do? Starve? I was so hungry and i only ate 2 little ones and a spoon of rice. Like i said, i hadnt had a chance to eat all day so i was starving. Linda, You are right, she has taken over my life..however, i sometimes forget in the moment of being angry at her that i let her. I turned my life over to her for so long that now it is a integral part of this relationship. I really cant forget that i let her. That this isnt all her fault. I stopped doing for myself in the midst of depression and let her do everything for me. But now that i want to get healthy, she is still having issues with me gaining my independence. She doesnt think she is, but we had a huge argument yesterday about me driving. She told me im not allowed to drive our car because she thinks i will wreck it...or run it into the shop. I would never do that. She just doesnt want me going anywhere. Then she sais, well "If you can prove to me , you are going where you say you are, then maybe i would let you." Then sais "if you want to drive you need to get a job for gas because im not paying for it. OMG! Im going nuts about this. Im trying to gain more independence but she wont let me go anywhere. Its crazy. My sister thinks its just crazy. I wouldnt go very far and i would never go drink or drug. She is worried i will go get drunk or screw someone else or something (TMI) Idk , its crazy. All i want to do is go to a OA meeting and maybe have coffee with someone. Im trying to form friendships. I met a nice lady at the nursing home who i am going to try to go see once a week or something. Take her food and stuff..talk with her. I need friends so bad. But of course i wont be able to drive myself...ARG! I asked my dad to help me get a car because my mother left me some money when she died and he still hasnt given it to me. Im hoping he will help me out. Plus i told him i need some money for counseling. My ins prob wont pay for my entire therapy bill. We will see if he helps out. He is a huge part of my abuse issues so maybe he will see that i really need counseling. Sorry that i wrote you a book but sometimes i just need to vent and spill my guts....well a lot of the time i do these day Love you guys!!! Laters, Tina

I have trouble with shoulder checks...i cant turn around. And im a compulsive shoulder checker...its terrible and our car is very small and tight. I scare myself but scare Jeani more. haha.

I will see about getting that book. I could have swore i read that years ago. Prob need to read it again huh? Im about to leave for the nursing home see you all later. I will check in later when i get to my sisters house. We are taking the laptop to her house, going to have a little party (sober, my sister is sober too) and have New Years eve party sort of. Bye Laters, Tina

Wow, i didnt realize how jacked up my relationship is! She said she would stay at a hotel and let me do stuff with you guys alone...hope she sticks to that. I think she would and i REALLY want to go meet you guys 440 miles isn't that far. Well, the driving thing: I have trouble doing shoulder checks to change lanes and back up...things like that. I have gained more weight and haven't drove in a year. She says i scare her because i cant turn around enough to do my checks and i am a "shoulder checker". My sister asked me yesterday if i could and had the money and independence to leave her would i leave her. I said No, i love her. I really want us to work but I'm afraid this will just get worse as i start feeling better about myself and wanting to go places without her. Talk more later, I have to go to the nursing home to paint "nanna" nails hehe. She's really cute. I hate how sometimes peoples families forget about the old people and just leave them in nursing homes with no one to talk to or visit them. When the bright spot in their day is chicken and Rice for dinner. <3 Laters Tina

Thank you very very much. I am going to follow through with OA. I cant drive right now (too big) so she has to take me everywhere. Yes its really weird she doesn't "let me" go places without her. A lot of people find it really weird. It has been this way SO long now that it has become a part of our relationship. I cant wait til i can drive again and i can just say, "hey im going to a meeting". I hope things improve and i become more and more independent. I'm feeling a little too good right now i think (manic) because i am coming off a med (Serequel) that puts the weight on me. Doc said no more serequel... that i have to come off of it. So im feeling a little TOO hyper. Better than being in the bed and so so depressed though

Eva a Pajama party sounds like an amazingly great time!! That would be so cool if i ever got enough friends to have one!! I really want to go to Chigago and my partner said we can come if everything goes ok financially til then :)

I would LOVE to come to Chicago guys?! Can i , if i can afford it? I dont know how far it is from Nashville though, does anyone know?

Cheri, I love to read your posts. It is good that the "train is back on the tracks...choo choo!" I love to read ALL of your posts guys I was telling my partner today that this group is one of the most therapeutic groups i have been in. I feel like I'm sitting around in a circle with a therapist (Janet) talking with you about some of my deepest darkest issues. Its very nice to have that and really honestly i dont know if i need a therapist lol. I really just needed to be able to talk and get things off my chest; get some advice and have people share their experience, strength and hope with me I am going to head to OA i think. I need to find a meeting for tomorrow. My partner wont let me go tonight she said she doesn't want to drive on New Years. Yeah right eh? She hates it when i go places. She has very little trust for me even after 2 and a half years of sobriety. She said last week when we were having all our problems that she wanted me to form some friendships. Go for coffee with people and things like that. So i asked her yesterday if i could go with my friend for coffee. When i started to make the phone call she said, no i couldn't go and leave her with the kids. The "kids" are 14! They DONT need a babysitter anymore. I told her she is welcome to go somewhere too with her friends but she was adamant about not letting me go. So, my opinion is....dont tell me you are "over" your co dependency and act like you have it together when you dont. Thats just my opinion. I'm going to the nursing home today to watch my sister play her guitar for the old folks and I'm going to paint some nails and visit with them. I think it will be good for me to get out and do some volunteer work I am very much looking forward to it I will look some OA stuff up online later...like i said, im an addict and i need to get to the root of my addiction and i know the 12 steps have helped me tremendously in my past. Sorry for the long post, just had a lot to share Apples sorry about your snow storms i know that is just terrible weather to get out and about in Laters, Tina

I dont yet but its a good idea! I may start eating on the small little side plate i have. Good idea!

WOW! They seriously own Cinnabon?!!!! Too funny! That cracks me up!!!

Yeah i was on it a while back and lost a ton of weight too. Went down to 165lbs. I love Atkins. Im glad im back on it. I do see your point about the fat being too high but what they say is that the fat helps to keep your body in "ketosis". Something to do with burning fat in Ketosis. I dont really know. I was going to get the new book.

I worry about the skin but i havent been fat my whole life so idk if that has anything to do with it. Only for about 5 years. Genetically i dont know if skin runs in the fam. Who knows. I feel the way you do. I would rather have skin than be fat and unhealthy any day. We dont have obese people in my family so i dont know about my genetics in that way. Im not too worried about it. I was told the lap band is slower than bypass so the skin is less with lapband. Still counting the minutes/hours/days to my surgeon meeting on Monday!!!! WOO HOO!