Hey Guys! Im at my sisters 6 am 1/1/11 just waking up. Of course i didnt drink last night but it was fun anyway. I went to the nursing home and spent some time with the older folks. A lot of them at this home are in really bad shape. They need round the clock care and have nurses taking care of them so it sure was nice for them to have people there to visit them. My sister took her guitar to the home and sang a bunch of songs...old songs and some of her new songs. They were so excited that a country music star was in there singing to them...how special is that. It was really good for my sister too. She even hung around after helping people get their cake and tea.
I was bad last night but there was nothing else to eat lol. I had enchillada's. Homeade. They really didnt have anything else for me to eat here i feel guilty but what was i gonna do? Starve? I was so hungry and i only ate 2 little ones and a spoon of rice. Like i said, i hadnt had a chance to eat all day so i was starving.
Linda, You are right, she has taken over my life..however, i sometimes forget in the moment of being angry at her that i let her. I turned my life over to her for so long that now it is a integral part of this relationship. I really cant forget that i let her. That this isnt all her fault. I stopped doing for myself in the midst of depression and let her do everything for me. But now that i want to get healthy, she is still having issues with me gaining my independence. She doesnt think she is, but we had a huge argument yesterday about me driving. She told me im not allowed to drive our car because she thinks i will wreck it...or run it into the shop. I would never do that. She just doesnt want me going anywhere. Then she sais, well "If you can prove to me , you are going where you say you are, then maybe i would let you." Then sais "if you want to drive you need to get a job for gas because im not paying for it. OMG! Im going nuts about this. Im trying to gain more independence but she wont let me go anywhere. Its crazy. My sister thinks its just crazy. I wouldnt go very far and i would never go drink or drug. She is worried i will go get drunk or screw someone else or something (TMI) Idk , its crazy. All i want to do is go to a OA meeting and maybe have coffee with someone. Im trying to form friendships.
I met a nice lady at the nursing home who i am going to try to go see once a week or something. Take her food and stuff..talk with her. I need friends so bad. But of course i wont be able to drive myself...ARG! I asked my dad to help me get a car because my mother left me some money when she died and he still hasnt given it to me. Im hoping he will help me out. Plus i told him i need some money for counseling. My ins prob wont pay for my entire therapy bill. We will see if he helps out. He is a huge part of my abuse issues so maybe he will see that i really need counseling.
Sorry that i wrote you a book but sometimes i just need to vent and spill my guts....well a lot of the time i do these day
Love you guys!!!
Laters,
Tina