Tinagrl

Well, today was a very sad and depressing day for me. I laid in bed half the day feeling sorry for myself , something usual for me lately it seems. My mother passed away last Easter on Easter Sunday. She was very very sick with a rare form of Cancer. To explain why i'm extremely grateful that Christmas is over is sort of a long story: I will begin saying that my mother was the most disciplined determined woman i have ever met in my entire life. When the doctors gave her 8 months to live she told them they were wrong and that she would do whatever she could to fight for her life. My sister had a friend who happened to know a Cancer survivor and her friend suggested to my sister that Mom try the holistic high alkaline diet; and as my mother told us a short time later, Cancer cant survive in an alkaline body. Which is actually true so we found out over the next 2 years or so. My mother went on a regimen of taking supplements, in the number of around 10-15 or more a day, and began to alkalize her body by eating high alkaline foods such as juiced veggies (the juiced veggies reminded me of a thick green sludge, something that comes out of your butt on a bad day) Like i said...determined. She ate no red meat., in fact nearly no meat at all. Vegan diet sort of. Nothing low alkaline. It was a very hard diet for anyone to be on but my mother, being as amazing and determined as she was, did this diet every day of her last 2 years. She lasted a year and half longer than those doctors told her and she actually made believers in the high alkaline diet out of her medical doctors. My mother came here to Nashville to visit last Christmas. By then she was pretty sick and had a difficult time getting on a plane and flying here from Vancouver Canada, but she did it. All for me. She knew i couldn't come to Canada for Christmas and she wanted to spend it with the WHOLE family and she wanted me to be with her too so she came here as sick as she was and we made a Christmas in Nashville. The high alkaline diet was beginning to not be able to keep up with her failing organs. So, she spent a lot of her time here snuggled up to me on the couch in her red pajamas. On Christmas Eve, my sister made a nice dinner of Prime Rib Roast and all the fixins. My mom sat at the table with all of her children and grandchildren all together for the first time in my mothers life. She cried a little and said how grateful she was for this Christmas and how wonderful it was to have us all together. THAT made it so worth it for everyone. A tad bit of bickering between sisters and brothers and nieces and nephews...typical family drama on Christmas. It was SO worth it to see my mother on that night and the look on her beautiful face. So you see, that is why Christmas was so hard this year. I remember the beauty of last Christmas and then looking at this Christmas, alone, no family, sister went to LA, father in Canada....just me and Jeani. The best part was a fire we lit on Christmas eve. I told God i was sorry i didn't celebrate Jesus's birth in a better way but that i just couldn't get up the Christmas spirit this year. God said it was fine, and we got through it. Today i just cant help but look at this last month and recognize that all the mood swings have been because of losing my mother this Easter and the fact that i am the kind of person that just cant look at things the way other people do. I shut it all up inside and dont let anyone know what is inside of me or what i am feeling or thinking. So running through peoples lives with a tornado of mood swings probably wasn't the best thing to do. Its how i cope though and maybe someday i will learn how to cope like a normal human being. Maybe sooner than later i hope. But this is the reason why i am so shut down, quiet and sad this Christmas season. So i hope the people in my life can understand that i am sorry for being such a jerk, and so quiet and withdrawn. And why i am so glad today, that Christmas is over. That i can now look at the next year and pray for happiness and success. And hope that maybe next Christmas, it will be filled with a little more joy and a little more spirit. Until next time, Tina

My dad is a truck driver and he still works in Canada and does runs into the US. He will be here in Nashvillle next weekend. My dad lives in St Thomas he said. No i dont go visit i dont have my passport yet. I am working on my passport. Well folks it looks like my marriage has come to an end. We both decided that all this fighting was making us both miserable. I'm tired of fighting thats for sure. Im really scared because i have been so dependent on her for all this time because of my weight...not being able to do much on my own. But i will soon be able to get on my feet. Surgery in Jan i hope! I have my consult with the surgeon on Jan 3rd. I am going to start going to AA again. Its hard though to get around and do things still though. I get worn out really quickly. Im completely sedentary so getting around is really hard for me. I went to the grocery store the other day and that was a chore.I just hope i can survive the next month until surgery in the same house as her. Im scared like i said, and want to start doing more for myself but its really hard. Physically im doomed at the moment. IM in a really scary spot. Tina

Congrats to you!!! I cant wait for that day!!! Im very proud of you , this is a hard road.

Im starting to think single is best. This is crazy. Relationships suck. Hope everyone had a good day today. Like i said...same ole same ole with the fighting thing. I know the neighbors think we are killing each other or something. haha!

My dad is in London Ontario area... You are right. Next year is a new year! I hope my week gets better , today sucks too. Me and my spouse are fighting....again. Gosh seems all we do anymore, idk where that will lead. Thanks for your responses guys. Laters Tina

Hey guys Well, today was a drag. I'm so happy for everyone and that you had such a great Christmas with your families. The only people really left in my family to have Christmas with is Dad, and sister. Dad was in Canada and Sister in L.A. My kids were at their dads this year...it was dads turn for Christmas since we had them last year. A very lonely Christmas indeed. It was just us and we just had a quiet day. No dinner, no presents, no kids, no nothing...i laid in bed part of the day just feeling sorry for myself but then got up, played my game a little and got on lbt and read some stuff in the forums. I made Curry Chicken for dinner, very lite and nearly fat free. 9 points total for a serving. Yummy and good for you. Here is the basic recipe: Curried Chicken 2 Onions peeled and diced into medium pieces I clove of garlic diced 2-3 Cups of skinless boneless chicken Breast cubed 1.5 cup up fresh carrots (sliced carrots) 1 cup of green peas (frozen is best) 1/2 cup of rasins 2 cans of fat free chicken broth 1/8 cup of flour 3 tablespoons of Mild or Hot curry powder Directions: Cut up Chicken into cubes and saute with Onion and garlic pieces. Add a little curry tossed into the garlic, onion and chicken. When chicken and onion are cooked add Carrots, peas and raisins. Add Broth and remainder of curry powder. Cook until veggies are done (soft) and then put flour and about 1/16 of a cup of water into a shaker. Shake the flour and water. Slowly pour into curried mixture to thicken to your desired thickness. Super easy and super good. If you have any questions let me know im not a recipe writer haha im not sure of all the correct terms for the different ingredients. It serves about 5 people. I use about 1 cup of the mixture as a serving. I put it over rice about 1/2 cup of rice then pour the mixture over my rice. Its yummy. You can buy pita pockets too that are great with it. i know you cant eat as much as i can right now of course but its super low fat for anyone who hasnt had surgery yet. If you get the mild curry there is no spice to it either for those who have had surgery already. Anyway, it sounds like everyone had a great Christmas, it was really weird not celebrating this year...we used to have some really nice family Christmas's. With Mom gone its just not the same. Laters, Tina

OMG i SO know how you are feeling. I'm having HELLA mood swings! I had a melt down a couple days ago thinking, why and how did i let myself get to this point?! How did i eat myself into this misery i currently live in. I went to the grocery store tonight to get some things for my WW plan im on until my surgery pre op diet starts and walking around the store for the time i was there killed me. I had to waddle to the car to sit down because there was no benches or anything around the store for me to sit down on. Its a miserable feeling when you cant even grocery shop anymore because being on your feet too long gives you back cramps and legs get tired...then your arms get tired from holding yourself up on the cart. Misery. One word for it. And im very scared about being put out. Ive been put out a million times for other procedures but im scared for this one. Merry Christmas to you, you will do fine!! Grats! <3 Tina

Hello All, Thanks everyone for you encouragement it means a lot to me and yes my mother was an amazing, and determined woman. Today was good day. I didn't over do it with the food and i still have 9 points left I know after my surgery that will change and i wont be able to meet my 50 points a day right? I love WW and i want to stay on it but i will have to adjust my points somehow...any idea's on how to do that? My daughter went to her dads for Christmas and i miss her already and she just left this morning. Shes a great kid, shes 14 and full of it! We are very close. She ate right all week long with me and lost 4 lbs in like 4 days just by measuring her portions and eating the good for you food. She was very happy with herself. She isn't terribly overweight but certainly will be if she isn't careful. She is 14 and weighed 168lbs. A little too much for her age the doctor said. I will post of pic of me with the kids. Hope all of you have a great day tomorrow and eve tomorrow night! Laters, Tina

Im sorry not to be dumb or anything but what is DH, DS, DGS, DD the abbreviations you all use?

I have 12 days until my appointment with my surgeon to discuss the surgery date. I'm very excited about this. My journey to the surgery date is finally coming to an end and my new life begins. I'm on Weight Watchers right now and doing well with it. Ate a Salmon fillet tonight and didn't realize how fatty that fish actually is. 9 points for a salmon fillet! Had half serving (1/2 cup) of rice and a nice pile of brussels and green beans with a little light butter. I was very full afterward and havent needed a snack since dinner. I am noticing i have what i know some people call "head hunger." I hate it, it shows me just how bad my addiction to food really is. When i just ate dinner or something and the first thing im thinking about it what i can eat next! Not a good thing. I'm going to stay on WW after surgery because it works for me. I will prob get nowhere near the points in that i am allotted but the concept is what keeps me eating healthy. I am excited for the new changes i am about to be making. Will blog more tomorrow, Laters, Tina

Yeah me too! I have like 11 days now to my appt. I'm counting the days. I cant wait to get healthy. I am happy for you, glad you commented i need some friends around here Best of luck to you and hope you have a smooth surgery and recovery Tina

Hello everyone, i'm new here. I am getting banded in January and am just in the forums reading and gathering information. I hope people still come to this thread its a good one. I read through nearly all the posts. They all helped alot. I have my appt with my surgeon for the before surgery consultation on Jan 3rd. I am hoping to lose 170ish lbs. Do any of you ever have any problems with doing everyday activities like taking a shower, standing for longer than a few minutes ect.,...idk why i am having so much trouble. I have gained about 75 this year alone though and i am completely sedentary pretty much. Anyway, hope you all have a good christmas, Laters, Tina

Thank you guys so much for your comments it helps a lot. Sometimes i dont realize all the things i have conquered. My mother was the most determined person i ever knew. She had Leiomyo Sarcoma, a rare form of non genetic Cancer. When the doctors told her she had no hope. That there was nothing more they could do for her, she said "to hell with them i will show you". Well, long story short. My mother went on a holistic diet high in Alkaline and lived another 2 years that what they said she would. They originally gave her 8 months. The diet she was on consisted of Juicing veggies, taking about 20 supplements a day, and drinking a Water high in alkaline all day long. The juiced veggies looked like a thick green sludge. But it was so she would live longer, to see her family longer. You see my point of this story is that i forget that my mom's blood runs through my veins too. I come from the most stubbornly determined line of women in the world. So can i do this? Can i beat this last addiction , one day at a time? Yes, i absolutely can! If my mother can fight for her life doing those crazy things i can totally lose this weight. Thanks guys for reminding me of that. Laters, Tina

Yes, i have the same problem but probably worse. I haven't been to the gym since my last diet attempt but man was it awful. I had a near panic attack every time i went to the gym. It took me about a month to even go INTO the gym after i got the membership. After that i would go strait to the locker room get changed into my bathing suit and went to the pool, got in the pool and hid in the pool. Eventually I got to the point where i was ok, but it took me a while. One time i went to another gym where they didnt know my...same company diff gym...and there were two kids working the counter where you show your gym ID to them to get into the gym?, Well they said something and i was leaving, i turned around just to look behind me, felt the need to and one of the girls was pointing at me laughing. This made my issue worse even. I know she was like..."fat cow". My partner was SO mad at them she was raving to the gym managment about it....why not make it worse you know? Anyway, im hoping i dont have this same issue when i get banded next month. I want to start working out asap after my surgery. Whenever the doctor says i can Good luck in the gym and wish me luck too. Laters, Tina

Yes, it is one day at a time for me for everything. The hardest part is that you just cant quit eating like you can quit the other stuff. Its harder for some reason for me. You know? Will check in tomorrow

Hello Im a new member of this site and im a WW junkie. I am having surgery in January. My last appt before my surgery is on the 3rd of Jan. I have a thyroid problem that aided in the gain of about 175 lbs in the last 5 years. I went on WW about 2 years ago, when i didnt know about my thyroid, and lost about 40 lbs. I then stopped losing weight and couldnt figure out why (duh). Then i gave up on WW and started eating my regular junk i was before WW. I was excited to find this thread because i wasnt sure if i could do WW with the band. Now i know you can. I am hoping to keep my points lower than they are now at 51. I weight 328 now and have a bunch to lose. Im really excited for my surgery day! I ate all my points today But i dont feel as hungry as i did yesterday. Laters Tina

Hello all, I thank you all for your kind and warm welcome. I am feeling better since i got on the WW plan and have started dropping a little of the weight before my surgery. Dont seem as depressed today. My doctor's office called today to say they have all of my information together and are ready to meet with me one on one to set up the surgery and talk to the surgeon. YAY! Im so excited. The appt is set for Jan 3rd!!! Jewel, thank you for your sharing your experience with me about being on meds ect. I have been on meds for my bipolar since i was 18 years old and am also a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. I have quite a bit of a "story" and im sure you guys will hear bits and peices over time as i share it. But this is the last thing i have to "quit". I have stopped smoking after 20 years of chain smoking, i have stopped drugs, and i have stopped alcohol. The last hurdle i have to jump is my food addiction. Which is actually just plain ole addiction for me. I have substituted food for drugs and alcohol and cigarettes. So, now its time for me to conquer my addiction to food. Some people are telling me the lap band is the "easy way" but i havent heard that. I have heard it is still quite a job to lose the weight. I am ready for this change and am ready to do whatever it takes to conquer this. I had a rude awakening when my sister in an email said that she thought my 65 father would outlive me...it kinda hit me hard. Anyway, i just wanted to share the good news about my appt date that is set for Jan 3rd, like i said, Laters Tina

I'm actually already on meds for bipolar and we have established (me and my doc) that this is not related to chemical imbalance. That is why i was wondering if anyone had a state of depression due to their weight gain. I have gained 175 lbs in the last 6 years after a life of being an ideal weight. I'm a very proud person so some of the things that have happened to me since obesity have been devastating to my self esteem. I was just wondering if anyone had felt depressed or was beating themselves up about the weigh gain is a better way to ask/say it. Found out i had hypothyroidism after 5 years of my doctor wondering why i was gaining weight and why none of the tests he was running could explain it. Finally at the last minute he did a thyroid test that was required by medicare for lap band and my thyroid tested in at 59 when normal is .5 Anyway, my thyroid isn't all to blame i also love food and hate exercise. So dont get me wrong im not blaming all of this on the thyroid. However it was a major factor. Counseling would prob help, THanks Tina [quote name='ifyourstomachoffendsyou' timestamp='1292891609' post='1548739'] Tina I would suggest that you get yourself in for some counseling and possibly on meds. Otherwise I'm afraid you'll sabotage yourself even with the band. Many of us have had to use meds and receive counseling and some of us still do. Our obesity is often part of a broader syndrome of low self-esteem, abuse, failed relationships, and, in my case, ADHD. You want to be in the best mental state as you go through this process. Take your anger at yourself and channel it into fighting your disease. Tell yourself you will not let your disease win. Do whatever it takes to make that happen. We're here for you and we'll be your biggest cheerleaders. But getting a grip on this disease means getting a grip on the issues that are making us sick. You can do it. We're here to help. Joyce, so sorry about your knee. I haven't had any trouble with my knees, but I had the surgery done by one of the best knee specialists in the country who put in a knee with some of his patented improvements that give me a lot more range of motion. You may need therapy again to rebuild the knee without injuring it. My tree has the little white/gold lights and still has some old ornaments on it, but I threw out a bunch that were pretty decrepit a few years ago and when I went shopping I saw some really cool cranberry/maroon red ornaments and added more gold ornaments of which I already had a lot. I buy a lot of wrapping paper and bags at after Christmas sales at Target so multicolored presents. My tree is skinny to fit in the corner and needs lots of ornaments to fill in the gaps. I also have deep red wreaths and pillows on the couches. Multicolored lit ropes of evergreen draped here and there. Can also see the multicolored LED lights wrapped all over our front porch through the big picture window and its side windows. I love looking into my living room with all its lights through the porch lights and I love looking out. Cheri Cheri Cheri

Hello again I kind of have a personal question. A pre-band question. Did any of you go into a depression or have major episodes of mood swings where all you think about was "how the heck did i let myself get like this"? I am going loco on my family because of the way i feel right now. I hate the way i look, i hate the way i feel and i hate that i did this to myself to the point where i cant even take a shower without it being a major event. I am also nervous that they will tell me that i cant have the surgery for some reason....like trying to sabotage the situation...thinking negatively. My mother died of Cancer last Easter and i dont know if the holidays is reminding me of her and this is the cause of my mood swings but somethings got to give. All i can think about is how bad off i am...feeling sorry for myself i guess.... What do you guys think? Thanks Tina

Hello! Im new to the site and just wanted to say im inspired by all your stories. I am in the process of having the lap band surgery and just playing the waiting game now since i turned in all my information to the surgeon. They said they would call me back when they got everything together for me to meet with the surgeon himself. Im on Weight Watchers right now and am going through major food withdrawal. I was thinking of Over eaters anonymous but idk how they feel about lap band or about WW. Im worried right now because i didnt really lose much weight in the last 6 months of the program that my pcp had me on for pre op that was required. I hope this doesnt mean i cant have the surgery. Like i said, im on WW right now. I went to the chat room and no one would answer my questions and they wouldnt talk to me really and i was disapointed with the lack of support i found here in the chat rooms. I tried to find another site with chat rooms but didnt find anything. Anyway, im looking right now to find a support network so i have this in place for the surgery next month ( i hope) Thanks for listening to me ramble. I appreciate all of your comments and support. Tina