You're in "Bandster Hell" stage. It's normal to have buyer's remorse in the first weeks post-banding. This is normally something that is discussed with patients preop so you're prepared.
You were probably given a food progression to follow post op. Have you followed it, exactly? This is important. In the first weeks and months following WLS following our diet and exercise "rules" helps to establish lifestyle changes (measuring food, logging intake, exercise, making better food choices) which become habit. Most people don't lose quickly in the first weeks...I think I lost 10 lb in 10 weeks post op, before my first fill.
I also noticed you're a lightweight with a BMI of 38...you're not going to lose as fast as someone with a higher BMI, generally speaking. Someone who weighs 300 lb and is 5'5" is going to lose faster, since more of their body mass is fat.
I'm going to give you some feedback on how you're perceived based on your posts(all we have). You sound a bit frantic. Anyone with 5 kids and has had surgery is going to feel overwhelmed, and that's the impression I got reading your posts.
Your doctor sounds like an ass. Telling you that you should be down 20 lb in a month is absolutely incorrect. 1-2 lb per week is the expected weight loss once your fill is optimal. During surgery, we're pumped full of fluids (I gained 6 lbs) and it takes time to get rid of it. Your tissues are swollen and it takes time to heal. If you lost 5 lb the first month, you'd be doing fantastic.
I think it's time to step back from the situation, take a deep breath and get out your preop paperwork, read it again. Make sure you're doing what you should. Also, I'd find a new doctor, stat.
Hang in there!