beversman

good gravy... I feel like I am headed back to an "AA" meeting. How many times to I have to "get started" again??? UGH OK -- Hello everyone. My name is Brandi, and I promise to stop drinking milk.... to only eat lean WHOLE protien... to exercise like I am supposed to (AKA back on the bike). I will stop eating calorie laiden condiments... and refrain from the excessive consumption of adult beverages on the weekends. I promise to start drinking water and to take my vitamins. How many times do I have to get after myself for this kind of crap?? I am like a little kid. As soon as, I take 5 inches... I take the full mile and revert back to stupid things I shouldn't be doing. Well, I found out from my doctor that I am really 5' 9'' -- how i thought he told me 5' 8'' I don't know.... but I am 5' 9'' -- So, I reevaluated my goal weight. 140 would put me at a BMI of 19 which is low on the healthy scale... So, I think I should shoot for 150 first. That is smack dab in the middle of healthy (BMI of about 22), and at 5' 9'' that should be a nice healthy weight. Not anorexic and nasty. I can still have muscle and weigh that. So, here I go again. Less focus on other stupid things in life and back to my band. I need to get back to eating properly. I've been making stupid choices. Nothing processed and microwavable anymore. I am going back to eating real food. This process sure has it stops and starts... at least for me it has. Just when I think I have it figured out. I realize I don't :-) I HAVE to make goal by december 22nd.

Steph -- what you telling me makes me think i need a fill too -- I am being greedy and enjoying eating too much. I dont eat a ton, but it is certainly no where need as restrictive and what you are describing. Maybe that is what I need to get myself back in the swing of things.

haha... who was the idiot that started this post? She came to a website full of people with the band and thought WE were the ones being con'ed?? Well, honey...the joke's on you. We are losing our weight. You can have all the irrational opinions you want. I will take my band instead. THAT is so funny... this poor person is only "conning" his or her SELF! the poor soul. I am a super nice person, but come on now - How uneducated can you get?

Ok ladies....So, here is a little story. FROM last weekend. I went out to a club last weekend, and couldn't figure out why the bouncer thought I had a fake I.D. -- He actually almost turned me away, and asked me every piece of information he could to verify that my ID was accurate. So, Today i thought about it and I decided to take a closer look at it. Although I can't see the changes like everyone else does... I think I am starting to see his point. Time for a new ID Scroll across to see the "current" new pic of me side by side with the ID pic. Funny -- check out the weight I listed on the ID back then! ha yeah right! Was just a little wake up call I has last week :-)

So, I went out to a club last weekend, and couldn't figure out why the bouncer thought I had a fake I.D. -- Then, I decided to take a closer look at it. Although I can't see the changes like everyone else does... I think I am starting to see his point. Time for a new ID Scroll across to see the "current" new pic of me side by side with the ID pic. Funny -- check out the weight I listed on the ID back then! ha yeah right! Was just a little wake up call I has last week :-)

Claud - Dont worry girl. I understand everything perfectly :-) you write very well. I think in English all the time. That is why I can't speak Spanish properly... too much time spent translating. I've been told you have to think it or your in trouble :-) I can read it and write it... enough to be ok if you dropped me in the middle of a spanish speaking country. BUT my brain doesn't compute in Espanol THAT is for sure. You do an excellent job :-) I have no trouble figuring out what you have to say! I know you are confused. I would be too. THAT is why you have to ask those tough questions that you necesarily DONT want to hear the answers to. You may ask him if he has those feelings for you, but you have to be prepared for him to say "no" and then, you have to be prepared to accept it. If you keep waiting for him to "realize he really DOES feel that way." You could spend your life waiting on him, and he may never figure it out. My good friends here always tell Eric (my best friend) and I -- that we need to "call them for the wedding." We always laugh, but if I allowed it to... I could have very confused feelings for him. I spent 4 years thinking I was in love with him, and that someday he would realize that he was actually in love with me. THAT never happened. I finally saw that he wasn't gonig to feel that way, and accepted that we just had a very special friendship that was different that what most people experience. We still do have a very special/different friendship. It includes cuddling sometimes. It includes "dates" that aren't called dates. It includes dinners at his mother's house, and alot of comment from both of our friends about our 'closeness' -- BUT we've both come to understand that it is still just a friendship. He doesn't feel that way about me, and once I'd met my husband I realized that I didn't really feel THAT way about him either. Close... but not quite. It will hurt alot, but if you really come right out and ask him about it... at least you can spend this time in the future healing and becoming better FRIENDS instead of waiting for something that may never happen. I know it isn't what you want BUT i know you don't want to lose such a good friend. i wouldn't want to lose my Eric for anything. i am so glad that I finally got over my "romantic love" for him... and got to keep my unique "best friend love" that i DO already have. I know you truly care for him. So, make sure you do what is best for you. Ask the questions and then figure out how to move forward. It is the best thing for you. No sense in putting your OWN life on hold girl!

Boo - where do you get something like that done?? at your regular doctor? or your band surgeon? or somewhere else? I've felt like an enormous fat cow lately... I know it is ridiculous because of how much smaller I am, but seriously... I've felt like a beached whale all weekend and all this week. HUGE! I tell you! HUGE! I feel like I've gained. I am afraid to step on my scale. I don't know how I could have gained, but it just feels like I am a bloated jelly doughnut! I don't know what I need. ugh.

I here. I've been checking in, but very little time to read anything and absolutley no time to write anything. My family owns a tobacco farm and i have been cutting and hanging tobacco for the last week. I have blisters the size of small dogs on my hands... ugh.:faint: I am soooo tired and my eating was atrocious last weekend. BUT only becuase if I hadn't have eaten like I did... i would have probably died out there in the field. It is extrememly stenuous labor. The worst/hardest I've ever encounters ANYWHERE. It was 98-101 degrees and i was out for 8 hours a day -- doing physical labor that would have killed most people at 78 degrees. Me and my daddy! He is lucky to have a daughter that can do something like that. They didn't raise any weaklings in my house... that is for sure! I can do the work of 5 typical guys my age. I am pretty proud of that. I kind of like all of my blisters! Battle scars! We are almost done! two or three more days of hell and it will all be in the barn to dry. Love you all BooBoo -- girl, i do the same things when trouble comes -- Grab a bottle, and no it is NOT the best thing to do. I was taking it as though he up and took off with your kids! THAT is not cool and illegal. If that is the case, there are even MORE serious issues for you to deal with. That is a little thing called kidnapping. If he was taking them and you did NOT know the location, and he did not have your consent.... that is illegal. I may have misunderstood, and hope that i did. Girl. That is scary. I would have called the authorites Steph -- I've been working so hard I haven't excersied much at all. I guess all of the physical labor is exercise, but outside things have come to a stand still. Mostly because I am so exhausted when i finally do get home I pass out in bed. :-) Keep up with that walking girl, and aweseom on the fill! I cant decided if I need another one, or if I just need to make better food choices. i am tight in the mornings (really tight) but in the evenings it all loosens up. ugh. Claud -- I gotcha girl! He SAYS just friends, but his actions are making you feel as though he likes you much more. I have a best friend like that too :-) Just remember. He IS you best friend. We grow very attached to those people. We love them. Sometimes it is easy to get those feelings confused or to take advantage of them. What I mean by that is... it is easy to use that "best friend" to fill in an empty spot in our life... even when they aren't the right person for the job. They are comfortable. We love them! They are our best friend for petes sake! BUT -- they still may not be right. That is how it is with my Eric and me. :-) We've been "confused" a number of times, but we talk about it and realize that with both of us being single... sometimes it is nice to have someone we love and care about around... even if they are not the right person. I know you love him. but he may just being doing what Eric and I do. Enjoying you too much :-) If that makes sense.... make him talk about it. THAT is the only way to sort through it.

OK, so here is the deal.... I have a question and feel like I might be walking into a bear trap (if I decide to do this). It is completely innocent BUT I know how these things can go. Story: I have a very good friend I work with that always asks for my help with things. Yesterday, her husband needed help creating a new resume. So, I went over and spent the evening with them and created a new one. Well, her husband is a body builder. He takes protein, trains daily -- well, he kept commenting on how good I looked and was asking a ton of questions about how I ate and how I worked out. He seemed pretty impressed by what I knew. I knew all about how to eat, suppliements... so he was excited another person could "talk shop" with him. Of course I was asking him a TON of questions because I had an encyclopedia of workout/nutrition information standing in front of me. So, he and I talked muscles/nutrition/weightloss/plastic surgery for about 2 hours straight. His wife pipes in and said suggests that we should be come "work out buddys" since we have so much in common. He was talking about having me meet him at his gym everyday and he would help me out. Or he said he could even come show me how to do work outs at home and I could come run with him for my cardio. It seemed like a great idea, and still does in many ways. BUT I just dont think spending 2 hours a night with someone elses husband is a good idea. regardless of WHAT you are doing. He and I get along really well as friends... BUT I don't want my girl-friend sitting at home one night and suddenly thinking, "wow... those two spend alot of time together" Which to me... would happen eventually. She is sitting at home with the 2 kids and her husband is off with some other some other woman sweating the hours away, "checking out her muscle groups!" hahaha I know she suggested it. BUT I still feel like I might be walking into a bear trap. They are a very happy couple. I could be way off on this one. BUT I could just see it becoming a problem one day, (even when it truly isn't) and I don't think she is thinking about that right now. If they had a fight one night, and off he goes to the gym for 2hours with me the next day... she could start to look at thing differently and I DONT WANT THAT! So, even with completely innocent intentions... I just feel like I would be naive to not be wary. BUT I would so LOVE to have someone like that to be my personal trainer! and he is offereing FOR FREE! I would be Xenia Warrior Princess over here!! hahaha This guy is hardcore! This is exactly what I need! I got sent home from their house last night with samples of protein shakes and all kinds of exercise advice. He was WAY pumped about talking to me about it. What would YOU think about your husband spending that much time and attention on another female. Even when it IS innocent? I just dont think it is the same (in a wife's mind) as a man spending time with other males doing the same thing.

Back on my bike today ladies.... rode her to work and remember how much I loved riding. my body NEEDS it. I plan on behaving this weekend and really getting my body back in good condition. She needs to sweat out all of the crap i've been subjecting her to - the past few weeks. Banannie!!! I saw you down there lurking in the "now viewing" (YOU've BEEN SPOTTED!) hehe. how are ya doin' girl??? Wanna start a BIKING challange with me??? Or are you too busy racing those cars?? I am so freakin jealous of THAT. I wanna race. It is a dream of mine! Steph - ha. about the oreo's -- i cant believe they ARENT worse than that. Have you heard of the deep fried twinkie's?? Well, they've gone a step worse. NOW, they soak the twinkie's in Pepsi (and some other sweet stuff) FIRST -- THEN, they deep fry them... it adds about 600 calories per twinkie! So, it wasn't bad enough to eat the twinkie. It wasn't bad enough to deep fry it. Let's see how can we add 600 MORE calories to this heart-attack-waiting-to-happen? ha! what will they come up with next!?!? So sorry about losing your friend. It is amazing how many we lose along the way. It is horrible but, I've lost 6 classmates since 1998 when we graduated high school. (not that long ago) I can't believe how many are already gone. It sure doesn't get any easier. At least you are ensuring your own good health and that of your family. It is good that we are here turning that around for ourselves. Claud -- I will be thinking about you in Chicago girl! good luck with EVERYTHING! Vaband - Awesome compliment from the neighbor! Doesn't that help make this so much more worthwhile? I still have such a hard time seeing things for myself. I know there are some changes, but I certainly do NOT see them the way everyone else does. So, glad your hanging in there girl. I know it has been rough. Any good job prospects yet?? bkwalling - how are you holding up girl?? I've had you, your husband, and your children in my prayers. bandiva & kaydot - you are like me. I come here just to laugh sometimes. We are some funny damn ladies!

I was banded back on 12/22/06 -- through all of these months, my port has never bothered me much, but it really is starting to stick out now that I've lost so much weight. All the fat is gone from around it. So, this weekend it has felt swollen and was a little sore to the touch. It is not red and doesn't seem to be anything out of the ordinary about it. I don't have "pain" persay. It is just tender. All looks well. I was just wondering if any of you experience this from time to time. I think i may have slept wrong on it and had my blanket kind of balled up underneath me.... and it was shoving against my port while I slept. I think THAT might have been what irritated it. Just thought i would ask if this is normal from time to time :-) thanks everyone!

KayDot!! hahaha -- oh I could be a filthy little slut VERY easily... If this keeps up, I am gonna have to beat them off with sticks. (haha, NOT really!) It is a good thing that I am a pretty GOOD girl and know how to say "no" (9 times out of 10) because things could get ugly very quick... haha I live in toooo small of a town to be acting very wild. word spreads fast around here and I have too respectable of a position here at my bank to be sullying my reputation. Everyone here in this town knows everyone elses business. It IS fun to play every once in awhile though. At least I got it out of my system. It is very hard going from being married and having someone there everyday that you know and love -- to having no one around. It's been over a year now since he left. I still miss him so much. As silly/goofy as I am about it, (because I like telling my messed up stories) a more casual encounter like I had last week... it is just NOT the same thing. I miss my husband very much even though I shouldn't. I loved him very much. Up until I learned the truth about who he really was, I would have been very happy only being with him for the rest of my life. It has taken me a year to even begin to look at other men that way again. Up until recently I wanted nothing to do with them. Many days I still don't.

oh BK!! I am so sorry honey. that is absolutely horrible. I cant even begin to imagine how you are feeling. (hugs) that is a mothers worst nightmare. I sure hope that the mother will allow you to see the children. I dont know how you are doing it girl. I would not be doing so well. You're being a very strong woman. hang in there

Hey bear in mind ladies... those are LARGE 4's there is no way that i am an actual size 4... I am an 8 or a 10. NO WAY am I really a "4" BUT I did want to wear the pants with the tags still attached... THAT is for sure. sweethot -- hehehe... I had this hilarious image pop into my head when you said "prancing around" haha!! I've never thought about prancing around for other people before. Have to get me some of those "hot" pants! or the daisy duke shorts! I just find it hilarious that those kids think that. I didn't belive my little bro at first until he kept coming home from school every day with a new story (and you could tell he was getting annoyed!) haha I have never been the "hot" anything!

sweethot -- oh I did not take it badly! promise. I share what I share because I like the feedback of neutral parties... so dont worry. I agreed with you had to say. I just wanted to make sure that this guy wasnt confused with my BEST friend Eric. Not counting my family he really is the man in my life that I truly love the most. So, I just wanted to distinguish between the two I get to go see my Eric tonight!! He called me six times yesterday... haha. He heard I was going to Indianapolis for my best girlfriend's Bday party and he wanted to know why I wasn't coming to see him if I was in town... So, instead of just going up Saturday night I am headed up tonight (late). bkwalling -- yeah, i know i've changed alot. i am much more confident with myself in many ways. I make alot of stupid choices but at least I am picking and choosing instead of "taking what I can get" -- I dont put up with people's crap these days. Like I said, if it isn't making ME happy or a better person. I am over it. I refuse to waste my time on things that don't benefit me or make me happy. So, THAT is a change. ---------------------------------- Oh, here is a funny story... per my little brother (who is 16) I am currently forbidden to return to the local skate park in our home town. Why? you may ask... Well, apparently... all of his little teenage friend have come to the conclusion that his older sister is really hot! hahahaha It is traumatizing the poor kid. He just started back to school and apparently I've become the "older sister all his friends want to run into" -- His first day of school he came home with this story from one of his friends. Well, apparently, his friends have been talking amongst themselves and I am gaining popularity. haha! Now he has had several different guys all "asking about his sister" -- HA! He was NOT impressed. I just about cracked up. Ugh, teenagers... they amuse me. He was joking, but he said "you are not aloud to go take pictures at the skatepark anymore." I'd been there doing a story for my local newpaper that I actually edit/layout. I took some pictures of the new skate-park and did a review of it. Apparently, I was being checked out and wasn't even aware of it. THAT made me feel pretty good... I got a good laugh out of it anyway. I told him I would wave at them next time I saw them... and they will all probably turn around and run the other way! :heh: haha... kids!

ahhhh, he isn't my best friend... otherwise, I dont think he would have put me in the position. It was his decision to come here. and I gave him three different opportunties to leave. I am single and have nothing to feel bad about. I think he will have problems with it... BUT He is an adult that made his decisions. I can't play "conscience" for him. I refuse to do that. We are all responsible for the decisions we make. For me it was a one night thing... and almost seen as a "favor for a friend" He has problems with his life he just has to sort out... I dont plan on being a part of that. I have too many problems of my own. I just got a crazy night out of it. I feel like I shouldnt have done it now. It was not the smartest thing. BUT I am A OK with it. Another step on life's "road of learning" -- hasnt affectecd my life for better or worse... that is the only reason I question doing it. I should only do things that make my life better... otherwise, what's the point? ya know. (sigh) aaghhhh, I will figure this life out eventually. :-) I just like doing it the hard way. After what my ex-husband did... the last thing I want is a relationship. I am kind of emotional detached from people. It will be a long time before I am ready to even TRY that again.

OMG, Steph... it was really, really good. The kind that is TOO good. like "connection" good. I'm telling you. This guy and I have been "waiting" for this for about 5 years. It has been a long time coming... haha (boy THAT sounds appropriate given the context) Thing is. It was a one time thing that wont happen again. He told me that this morning before he left. He doesn't want to hurt me. I just dont know why I do that to myself. ha. I am such an idiot. He does make sense though - I know I would get attached eventually if we kept that up. BUT I always have been attached to him. Honestly, I've actually known him since I was about 11 years old. I had the biggest crush on him all the way through school. HA! Went to school with him since Jr High. We just never hung out in school. We found each other again about 5 years ago after i moved back home and became very close friends. Then, our lives just kind of went different directions... we just always check in on each other regardless of where life take us. I guess it will stay that way. I just wasn't expecting it to be that good. Now, I just wish it could happen again... ha, WOW i wasnt expecting THAT. I'm sure I will get over it soon, but damn. BUT I am still his good friend... so I warned him I would beat him up if he got weird over it, and we had a nice long talk afterward. I think things will continue as they always have. We will see how things go... I need to find MY guy. Not a friend with benefits. I have too many um, (cough cough) "needs" as of late. Not having a steady man in my life is NOT working out for me. oh yeah, did I say WOW? haha ----------------------------------- OH! um, here is a picture attached of the jeans I bought yesterday... and um, YES they fit. Now, granted these jeans must run WAY big -- I think i am really an 8. BUT damn it they were a feakin SIZE 4!! I just about did a cartwheel out of the dressing room. I decided to try them on as a joke. and they FIT! I took the picture while I had them on (with the tag still on) as proof that they fit! haha

OMG - so, um since I tell you guys everything anyway -- I got this call at 3:40AM this morning from a very dear, old friend of 5 years... havent seen him in over a year. I was dead asleep when he called, but very glad to hear from him. He and I have always had a "connection" since we met. Weird to explain... but he has been dating the same girl for almost 8 years now. So.... as far as he and I go, nothing ever became of it. I went my seperate way. He went his seperate way. We talk once every few months and keep as up to date as two people can keep who only talk twice a year. Um, well... Lets just say he ended up coming over and I didnt get any sleep last night. I am offically an idiot. I dont know... he and I just have that comfortable trust between us. I've known things about him for years that he wont even tell his girlfriend. In fact, I know things about him that he has never told another living soul, family included. His "girlfriend" and he have had a platonic relationship for 7 1/2 years. I don't know... I felt like he needed me. I know that was dumb on my part. He very much loves this girl he is with... but they are just not a traditional couple. They are more like best friends. I am the girl that drives him wild. Should I have said no? yeah, probably.... I knew going into it that I would be the outsider. Even though he initiated it... ugh... Im think this means I am a home-wrecker. So... how is that for wednesday night drama... GOD -- stupid men. oh wait... Stupid BRANDI. What is the world when you meet someone you are attracted to. That is attacted to you. That you are completely comfortable with... that you can trust... that can't be a relationship? hhmmm... Oh well, horrible part is... i am pretty much ok with it. I knew what I was doing. He was and still is a good old friend that I love dearly. I think I got being there for him and "BEING there for him" a bit confused. However, I gave him three opportunites to head for the door and change his mind. Completely up and walked away, and he still was clear on what he wanted to have happen. This has been another episode of "Days of our Lives" --UGH! haha love ya mammas! --Brandi

Banannie -- Car racing??? since when do you race cars?? THAT is my all time dream and i dont know how to go about getting started! you MUST clue me in girl! i am an F1 and Indy car freak these days! I would love nothing more than to jump behind the wheel of one of those bad boys and dominate the track. I own a '91 Nissan 240SX which is a little drift car. So, I am already a drift demon... i LOVE it. Something I didnt know about you!! We have alot in common. Don't sweat the rocky last few weeks girl! You know that I understand that! You are the one that got me back in focus a month ago. So, dont let a few "hairy" weeks get you down. We love you regardless honey. Losing focus and gaining it back are what make you human. You're doing and incredible job. You know that. So, make sure you get your beautiful booty back in here to visit. You racing mamma you! Steph -- yeah, sleep... something i need. I know Im exhausted. i have been since I got back from vacation 2 weeks ago, and i havent been catching up on the sleep. So, you are probably right about the whole sick thing. Ive been eating veges and protein like it is going out of style trying to rebuild the immune system, BUT without sleep that is probably a losing battle. Ugh... too much LIFE not enough time... I agree about you guys. We've gone through so much together. We've seen eachother in total FOCUS reayd to rock-n-roll times... and we've seen eachother at the pits of frustration, falling off of our focused high. It is good to know that we have those around us that know where we started and what we've been through to get where we are today. I find it very comforting. Sweethot & Steph -- I've been meaning to ask someone for the longest time... What on earth is Bunco?

I second that motion.... I for one know about down times. And like sweethot I can verify that we DO NOT mind hearing about the troubles. In fact, I am glad that we can offer some comfort and give you a place to vent away the trouble. Life is too short to have to carry around burdens all by yourself. We are here to take a little of the weight off of your shoulders! Dont get overwhelmed. First, forget about the man. THAT problem can wait. Sit down... get a resume tweaked and start looking for a new job. THAT is prority one right now. Look at everything in "parts" dont look at everything all at once or you are going to overwhelm yourself. One step at a time. and yes, happy bday to you -- we can celebrate later this month when you get that great new job girl!

Hello my loves! Well, I'm an offical LIAR -- haha! I didn't ride my bike the other day and STILL havent. Ugh - OK, Today is the day though. I still have my cold which is causing major upper respitory problems BUT I think the deep breathing from the biking will help knock it out of there. I will just have to take it easy and build back up to my 15 miles a day. damn it is so easy to get off track... it never ceases to amaze me. It is so much easier to let the days slip away without making the effort. I for one have been working TOO much. I work my day job from 8 till 5 or 6 pm. THEN I work as a freelance writer/editor -- I was up until 5:00am the night before working on THAT job. Then i had to be up and back at work at 8:00am the next morning. UGH I need the money though. It had just had me very distracted from the working out and that sort of thing. I've been eating healthy though. Haven't gain anything. Sooooo, life is good. I just need to get my bicycling ass back in the saddle. I MISS it :-) Nat!! Banannie! we miss you. You punks! Vaband - girl. you are right about him. I for one still have trouble discussing situations like that due to what happened to me. My husband was and actually PRO and lying and pretending to be something that he wasn't. He pretended his way into my home, my life, my bed, his job, the UNITED STATES..... yeah, I understand. He changed within hours too. and the man I loved disappeared. It is a touchy, painful subject for me. But know that I am here for you. You have the right mentality. Keep listening to these lovely ladies. They are right. I know how much it hurts though. That is why I havent been able to really discuss it so much. I am still hurting from my professional liar. Over a year later and I still haven't gotten to the point where it is better. Just be glad about one thing. He showed his true colors early. :-) THAT hurts now, but is a blessing for later. luv you girl! (hugs) SweetHot - work that exercise girl! I am getting myself inspired by reading your and Stephs posts!! I'm thinking to myself, "hey lazy ass... they are going to take off and leave you behind. Get moving!" So, glad you are back posting regularly. Missed you when you were gone! Steph - I absolutely adore you mamma! You are doing awesome with the walking. Wish i had you closer... then I would have someone to walk with. It is so hard to motivate myself and not have anyone to exercise with. Glad you found a work-out buddy. That has to help. you can keep eachother motivated to go each night. Also, i have to say... you relationship advice is always so insightful and helpful. coming from you, you've been there and gone through so much. It offers a good amount of hope to see that people can come through with a wonderful, healthy relationship (and life) even after a rocky start. It is also good to know that men can grow, learn, and change. My own brain is so messed up when it comes to men. I don't trust them. Don't trust them to be there when I wake up, don't trust them to be there in 3 months... so why even think about relationships? It helps to see that sometimes the man does stick around, and sometimes he turns out to be pretty wonderful. So, thank you for sharing your trails and tribulations. It really does help! :-) I just wanted you to know that. BooBoo -- hope you are hanging in there honey. remember you can PM me whenever you want. I don't know that there is much we can say, but we are here for you if you need us. Focus on work and family -- and try not to dwell on him for right now. Stay healthy and if you need to talk come and find us! jillrn -- I LOVE chinese food. I still eat it from time to time. and YES it goes down easy for me. I get the black bean and chicken -- mmmmmmmmmm..... havent had it in awhile, but I dont think there is a damn thing wrong with eating FOOD for a few days. As long as it doesnt spiral into weeks of bad eating. We are regular human beings who are entitled to eating some good food every once in a while!! We just have to regroup and get back to the grindstone once we've tasted some of the good stuff! So, glad to see ya back :-) You've got those 26 lbs girl!! I know you do! bkwalling -- You have stuck with this like a trooper girl! I know the wieght was slow to start coming off, but YOU are an example of what hardwork and perserverance can do! You did NOT give up. I am sure you were frustrated, but you stuck with it! and now things are really moving along. Keep it up honey. You are strong and ready to do this. I am so glad that your band is finally getting itself sorted. Watch those pounds melt away! bandivia -- wow! long time no see! Yeah, it is weird to talk about our year anniversary... still seems a long way off to me. I sure hope I can get rid of the rest of this weight by then, but things have really slowed down for me. My doctor said it is going to be slow going from now on, and i'd better get used to it. I don't like SLOW. :-) So, I intend to try to prove him wrong. So, i guess that means my lazy butt better get up and moving... Ive taken a two week vacation from it and THAT is not going to get me to goal. Keep coming back honey! love to hear from you!

nana - just stick with it girl... it will come sooner than you might think. :-) but as you can tell by this thread... the MIND is what takes the most work to change. even when our bodies ARE changing... the mind can refuse to see it. I read an earlier comment about "now I know how annorexics feel" --- totally true, i never realized how much my mind could alter the way I "see myself" BUT reality and what I see in the mirror are TWO totally different things!!

ok, for real girls -- it is back in the saddle for me today. It took me a damn week to recover from my vacation... Ugh! I ate alot this weekend. Kind of on purpose though. I had to get my energy levels back up and I HAD to get to feeling better. It seems to have worked. I feel very much like my normal self today. So, tonight I am headed home from work and going to get this lazy ass back on the bike. And these lazy muscles are going back to the weight, crunches, and stability ball. BREAK IS OVER. ONE WEEK is more than enough.

sorry, I HAD to laugh about the taking in XL, L, M sizes into the dressing room!! HAHA I do the SAME damn thing. i also still find myself heading straight to the Plus Size section. I also feel the store clerks are looking at me wondering why "I" am in the "normal" size section of the store. Wow, it is good to know Im not alone. I cringe every time someone says, "You don't need to lose anymore weight!" I still CANT even begin to take a compliment. One thing that has allowed me to see a slight difference... was when i saw my collarbones. Of ALL THINGs... my collar bones made me finally feel that I was losing a little wieght... Stupid FAT brain... haha... catch up all ready!

Cant call myself a Deadhead -- I respect the title too much to feel worthy. I found the Dead after '95 and had completely missed the touring days -- but I am definitely a woman that can curl up and listen to them hours on end without wanting anything else. Fall asleep to it, wake up to it. I own the complete annotated anthology of their work along with countless other Grateful items. I AM a hippie at heart... spent my vacation last week in a big patchwork skirt... barefoot... dancing in the rain... singing at the top of my lungs. Spent my nights outside of a van with my dog and my Alverez guitar singing to the stars. Went to 7 concerts in 9 days... not to shabby. Was a priceless week my mammas! Give me music... and give me freedom of expression... (sigh) Where can I find me a good DeadHead man?? haha (hugs to all)