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Everything posted by beversman
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HI sexy mammas!! Im back... had an ok weekend. It was not what I expected and instead of having a great time... everyone just got on my nerves. Good news is Captial Records was there to see the band play. They talked to the guys got more of their material, demos, videos... so thing could pay off. Bad news there is another female in the group. (she is the one that moved right on in and took my place when I left) She drives me absolutely nuts sometimes. This weekend was one of those times. She kept making comments about how my top half (upper body) was bigger than my bottom and how I should wear pants that make my butt look bigger so I wasnt so out of proportion. She made comments about dressing to cover up imperfections. Kept putting me down in her own snide, sneaky way. I ended up feeling so self conscious that I felt like a huge cow all weekend. I didnt want to talk to anyone. I got some pictures from our weekend.... and in some of them my arms looked huge. Ugh. I can't win. I know she was doing it becuase she needs to lose weight herself, and it made her feel better to put me down... but if she thinks it... others do too. I just ended up feeling disgusting. Eric was completely distracted most of the time. I felt like he was just trying to get away from us. I dont think it was becuase of me. It was because of the girl. I think he just wanted away from the other female friend and his roommate. I dont blame him. I wanted away from them too. We got back late last night. They all went to bed and left me sitting there staring at the wall. I only had this one weekend to to something. So, I went out to the bars in Indy by myself... sat there till 3am. went back to erics passed out and came back to my parents for today. I wasnt supposed to be back until tomorrow. I just didnt feel wanted. I felt in the way. I dont feel like I belong anywhere these days. Its been a messed up year. I need people and a place to feel comfortable with, and i dont have that anymore. I feel so awkward everywhere and with everyone. Weight loss... I will wait a few days and weigh in... today the scale said id lost 2 more lbs... but I ate alot today. I need to do my monthly picture too. I wasnt here on the 10th... so tomorrow will have to do. I still will be off work tomorrow becuase I took a vacation day... im glad. I plan on doing alot of sleeping. Me and my big mis-shapen body :-) Will catch up more tomorrow. Happy Mothers Day to all my mommas!
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omg NAT! i hope he is ok :-) dont beat yourself up about it. They are so fast. They get ahold of that stuff in the blink of an eye. I know that wont help and you will still kick yourself, but at least he is ok. (hugs) Get him well... then get home and get some sleep!
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Hey all! As of noon tomorrow (thursday), I am off to Milwuakee with Eric (best friend) this weekend. I wont be back till at least next Monday :-) soooo... if I get near a computer I will check in, but I doubt there will be too many around. I was reading back a few posts... someone was asking why they still felt so bloated and huge after they'd lost so much weight... I still feel that way too. I dont get it. I still feel big mushy squishy... I know damn well that Im alot smaller than I was... but maybe I felt this size the whole time. I think I must have seen myself smaller in my head than what I was THEN. It makes me cringe to think how much bigger I actually was. My top is now a Large... I bought a medium the other day that fit. But some shirts I still need an XL... I dont get it. I wish i could make my top shrink. I think if I could get the fat off my top half that i could deal with the size 10 pants... I just wish I could suck all of this fat OUT! ------------------- Side note... I didnt exercise monday and tuesday... WHY"!?!? I had a horrible infection. My doctors had me try the Nuvo Ring (birth control) It is a new form of BC... a flexible ring that you insert and leave for three weeks at a time. OMG!! Brandi's body did not like something foreign there! I got a horrible reaction to it. I was miserable for a week. Glad to report after medicine... Im much better now. But MAN that will keep you from wanting to do pretty much anything. I could have cared less about exercising. ha. SOOO glad i got over it before my big trip this weekend. so, if your OBGyn suggests the Nuvo Ring... proceed with caution!
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OMG!! ladies.... I went shopping today. Tried on 15 pairs of pants... found one I liked. Went back to look for more. When I came back in the fitting room, I hung up the pair of pants I'd wanted to keep. That is when I noticed the tag.... :Banane43: I thought for sure I must have accidently laid my pants that I wanted to keep down and picked up another pair accidently when I saw the SIZE! (I thought, "now THAT CAN'T be right.") So, I tried them on again.... NO, it WAS the same pair of pants. They fit perfectly. The first time I tried them on, I thought they were 12's... NOPE!!! THEY WERE :thumbs_up: 10'S!!! :thumbs_up: I can wear 10's!! OK, so I know it is just this particular brand (more than likely) BUT I will still take it. I dont care if it is just this brand of pants. I can still fit into any 10's... and that does it for me! I havent lost much weight lately, but I must be losing inches!! yeah NSV!:clap2:
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nat - ive had some major hair loss... but my hair was so thick before that now it is like normal peoples hair... you cant notice that its thinning... thank god I had all that hair to lose! my doc said it doesnt usually happen with band patients... ive just lost so fast that my body is kind of in shock...
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Wow Sassy girl!! you can tell a huge difference... what a sexy mamma!
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Sweethot!! I was just asking about you a couple of days ago! I am so glad to see you back :-) You're doing absolutely awesome girl! Dont be discouraged. Those are 31 lbs that are gone and NOT coming back. So, what is to feel bad about!?!? And all that traveling! I am super jealous of you. I am lucky to get 5 miles away from my house. Little alone go trans-atlantic. Enjoy your trip and the family! I'm ok Claud! thanks for checkin on me :-) I keep pluging along. I went to the Dr. only lost 1lb in two weeks. :-( I read Sassy's post yesterday... where she said she realized the difference between feeling things stick and being restricted. I realized... I have NOT been restricted. Ive just been stuck awhile then felt the food pass on down. I realized that is NOT how it is supposed to work. My food is supposed to stay up there and keep me feeling like "I cant eat another bite" Why this did occur to me until I read that I dont know why. So, Dr. C gave me another .2 CC for a total of 2.5CC in my 4CC band. I still dont think that I'm restricted enough. I feel it more now, but I can tell Im not there yet. I will hunt him down again in two more weeks! He introduced me to his new nurse practioner, Erin! She was banded back in September.... she did my fill for me and did an excellent job! I told her she was hired! I am on liquid till tomorrow. Then soft foods.. then regular. Your restriction sounds alot like mine Sweet Hot. I would bet you need just a few "tenths" of a CC more and you will be in the right spot. You shouldnt get hungry fast... and if you feel the food moved down after 10-15min... that means the band isnt tight enough and the food is passing into the "mother" stomach (ha, steph's saying) I just realized that was what was happening to me. Now, its been discouraging me from eating BUT it is not true restriction. It allows you to keep eating when you pouch should have still been full.
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Sassy, you should not have restriction with fluids or your too tight. I have heard of people being this way in the morning, but being fine by mid-day and afternoon/evening. You have to be able to cosume at least 600 calories a day... and THAT is low. Anything lower and your gonna start going for liquid calories and that will undermine you weightloss. I'd watch it a few days. See if things loosen up, if not maybe you just need a .1CC off or something very small to make it work :-)
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steph -OMG too funny!! Hey everyone... called and Im gonig in for another fill today... the last one from two weeks ago is NOT working. :-) hopefully this will help!
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Monday - did 50 crunches, 40 push ups... 15 mintues of weight training Tuesday - ran one mile Wednesday - Ran another mile tonight. Did 100 crunches, 50 push ups... and an additional 30 minutes of weight training on my upper body. My May goal is to run no less than 5-6 miles a week. I am very close to running a full mile now (without walking). I would like to build my endurance up until I can run the full thing. I would like to lose an additional 10lbs if possible and build up my muscle mass. I think I am going to go buy myself another elliptical machine this weekend. I am canceling my gym membership and I am going to go back to what was working for me. Kicking my own ass at home each night.
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It ok Nat. Ive been completely out of focus for the past month. I seriously have derailed (mentally) when it comes to watching my eating and exercise. Ive been running or weight lifting every night for the past 5 days though. I am trying to watch my calories closely again. I think I lost some muscle this last month. So, I have a feeling while I build it back and get back on track the scale might not be moving. It is my own fault. If I wasnt so stuck thinking about the past, I'd be alot better off. Tonight was a horrible night. Let me give you the short version. I found a hidden folder in my computer... left there by my husband. It contained pictures of more than a dozen women. Women that he'd done this to before me. (lied to and used them) He keeps their pictures. He had a file for me in there right next to all of them. It was sickening. I sat there for an hour telling myself that I already knew he was sick, maipulative, and dishonest. BUT I couldnt believe that this file had been right there in front of me... he'd put it there a month after he'd moved here to be with me. It's been there for more than a year. I never saw it. He was so cruel. He had to have left it there for me to see. It is almost as thought he was proud of what he could do... and how he could just get away with it. I finally admitted I was not alright... called my mom... broke down. Of couse, I pulled myself back together. But the images of all those poor women are burned into my mind. And there I was... one of them. Wish there was a way to forget what I know... what I've experienced... what I've seen. And I wonder why weight loss is some times secondary in my life....
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So, busy... no time -- ggrrr -- miss you all. ive been reading. Will keep checking in. Love ya all!
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no it isnt... im supposed ot keep it just below 40 hrs a week... had 44 hrs as of 2:00pm -- so even though i had work... i left. It will just have to wait until monday. That is all there is to it. im grouchy and frustrated today... gggrrrr
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claud -- attach them and email them to me beversman@hotmail.com I will take care of them for you :-)
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good sassy! i knew that didnt sound right! you go girl.. tell 'em what you need. Doctors are like men too.... they only do it right when you tell them how it needs to be done... HA Claud -- you are much stronger than me :-) glad to see you have such a good outlook. Steph -- Yes, the evil milk... I crave it like i used to crave soda. I just WANT to have it. On the other subject, your daughter sounds alot like me then... I hate that im not over him, and I hate the way I feel about men. I dont want to be that way. I just cant help it. I dont trust them. I still want the man "I thought I had" back... it is so frustrating. I just want my life back. Bannannie is right - I need to get back in focus on my eating... my band (and ive been bad about drinking water too soon... i just keep it in mind and dont eat even if i get hungry sooner... i take it as my punishment) I got a promotion at work. My own "big girl" office. ha. I am going to be training to become the manager of the entire investment department for the ENTIRE bank! not to shabby if I go say so myself. roblem is I wasn't asked if I wanted the position... I was TOLD that I would be taking over... my boss (the manager) left to move to Kentucky. We were gonig to hire someone outside the company with all of the licenses that they needed and training. APPARENTLY the president of bank feels I can just learn all that and take on over the whole darn thing. GREAT (laced with sarcasm) and yes it IS good. BUT things were really let go by the lady who had the position before (because she was just ready to get the heck out of there). The department has been running "half asses" for months, and I am going to have to overhaul the whole damn thing. Ive already got 30 hours of work this week and still have two big days left. I am scheduled for a minimun of 10 hours friday! It is throwing everything in my life off balance. I cant get to the gym. I dont get home till late. It stresses me out. I cant get FOCUSED. Between work and my stupid EX... my brain feels like it running in circles. I need to push it all out and get back to my Lap Band. Love ya girls... im gone whining. see ya on the flip side OH!! VAband.... Man = jerk!
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Claud -- oh hon (hugs) its ok... girl, they are all like that. My friend is being an idiot right now too. He's been acting strange since I was up in Indianapolis the last time. I kind of brought some guy back to his house. um, well... he brought some chick back with him. So, I thought well... if he can bring someone home... so can I. Well, he sent the girl home. I didnt send home the guy. He is the one who keeps insisting we are just friends. So, I dont understand why but I think it bothered him. big time. Maybe he needs to figure out a few things. ha. I am certainly not waiting around on him. ------------------- P.S. with that story and the guy... it was a big stupid mistake. Not like he was going to being calling me anytime soon... sooooo DONT anyone think it was a good thing to be hangin around with another guy. I was dumb. I was just being destructive because I was angry at my ex and myself. I've been doing alot of dumb things lately. It was a year ago April 14th that my huband came to America permanently... ive been reliving alot of memories this past month. I hate to say it. But ive been drinking away my sorrows and doing alot of stupid things.... just to try to get him out of my head... It hasnt worked and I cant blame it for being young and stupid... so now im just an old, pathetic idiot who knows better. (more hugs to CLAUD) girl, I cry every night. I know how it feels to have you heart broken. It is nothing you can get over quickly. I am glad you found out that he was not 100% truthful. It is better to know now. BUT I know that doesnt change how you feel. (hugs) But just know. life here isnt great. we are pretty much on the same page. There was no winning THAT story. Bannannie -- you must be much better with needle than I am. :-) give me the spray!!! :-) VAband -- i agree with Steph. He might not check his email much. or maybe he is one of those guys that needs to see you a few more times in a group before he moves on to more... BUT I dont think what you said would scare him... good luck, hope you know more about men than I do. I personally think they are lower than dogs... liars... cheats... selfish.... manipulative... demanding... OH WAIT!! THAT was negative. BUT there might be a good one out there Steph -- ive been getting closer to 1200 calories lately too... it is becuase im addicted to milk... if I didnt drink like 4 glasses a day... id be fine!! BUT i crave it all the time... i think i must need calcium or something
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You guys arent numbed??? wow My doc has an aerosol spray that numbs you in less than 5 seconds. He just sprays it on your stomach for 5 seconds and then in goes the needle. I never feel a thing. Why wouldnt all docs use that?? Maybe you should all ask Dr C what it called. It is pretty awesome stuff.
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Jillrn - Congrats!!! doesnt that feel great? Onederland!!!:clap2: I can vary as much as 5 bls from day to day... I guess that is the margin of error for water. becuase I know the fat isnt moving around that quickly. :-) so i know what you mean about it not being there tomorrow. BUT I always record my lowest weigh as my weight THAT way... I have to make sure i work to get below it. It is like my scale sets the "mini goal" to keep. Sassy - There is no reason that the Dr. couldnt "tweek" what you have in your band. My doc puts the fluid in .1 or .2 CC at a time! I went in for a fill last week and just got another .2CC -- THAT took off the hunger and added that extra little bit of tightness to it so I wasnt hungery or eating too quickly. That IS why you paid such a large amount of money. To use the stupid thing!! I'd tell that Dr. that you could have been hungry WITHOUT the band. The whole point in getting it was to prevent THAT. I dont understand some of these doctors that hear about. They make no sense. I sure hope they take care of you soon. :-) Nikki -- hey girl! welcome back :-) You're from the UK arent you? "misery guts" -- my ex-husband used to call me that all the time. that or silly cow... I hate seeing stupid things like that and thinking about him :cry , but you are the first person that I've heard say that since he left. ------------------- I volunteer at a local school during the summer and fall... helping with their music program. Well, the parents and their children havent seen me since last fall. They had a program this past saturday, and I went down to support them. A few people didnt even recognize me. now... I dont think there is THAT big of a difference. My mother went down with me and it was $3 a piece or $5 for a family. The lady went to give her change back as though she was just paying for herself. Mom said, "no, just do the $5 for a family. I will pay for myself and Brandi." The lady (who i know very well) stopped. Looked behind my mother... right at me... and just starred for a minute. Then, she just freaked out. She said, "OMG I didnt even recognize you." So, that was kind of interesting. I felt like some kind of side show freak the whole night. Everyone kept stopping me and pulling me aside and asking 67,281 questions apiece. Damn it if I still dont feel HUGE! I was thinking about it this weekend. I know I am smaller, but until I make it to this image I have in my mind, I dont know if I am every going to be happy with my body. I dont know if that image is realistic at all either. I went through my closet this weekend. I have NO clothes left. I must of gotten rid of $600-$800 worth of clothing. My closet is literally bare. I have enough clothes to get me through a work week (and a weekend) and that is it. OK, done rambling... I am promising myself to get back to exercise THIS week. Starting today. So, if I dont report in later about how exhausted I am from working out. Someone kick my butt.
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That would rock... a Cross Country Bandsters Tour... I could probably make it all the way across. Plan to be made for a future date when I have money and lots of vacation time. ha Watch out ladies... coming in a van near you.... Bman [singing to the Batman theme song] "do do do do do do do do do do do do B MAN"
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oh yeah, desk JOB... so glad my parents have a farm. I can head down to their place in the eenings... so I can get outside and work sometimes. I hate being caged up. I cant stand my job most days. BUT it pays well, and it pays my bills for now. When they are paid off... somebody better watch OUT. I am buying a Volkswagon Bus... and I am heading cross country... odd jobs to pay for gas... nothing but me and the road. I'd be gone in five minutes if I had the money.
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Nat! We should totally meet up for a meal or something while you are here! It is no trouble for me to hop my ass over to the city. When are you coming this way? --------- Thanks everyone for the encouragement, but trust me... you are ALL doing better than average when it comes to the weight loss. We all feel like it going soooo slow because we are all in it together. In camparision to others who had the surgery in December (or august booboo), I can definitely say we are ahead of the curve. We all push each other and I know that is why we are all doing so well... we dont let up. :-) Steph -- Yes, I am Atypical. It just has nothing to do with the weight loss -- I am strange and damn proud of it! I love being weird. Atypical rocks! Bannannie -- you are right there too girl! I have to stay on my toes or Im gonna be eating your dust pretty soon! hehehe VaBand - have fun this weekend, i'd love to get together with some old friends and do the tourist thing. Ive not got to do anything like that in ages. Kaydot - I lost 17 lbs on my preop diet... but i also dont record my heaviest weight either... In the beginning of October when i first went to the doc I was 278... i lost about 11 lbs while I was thinking about scheduling the surgery. So, since October... it been 81.50lbs... BUT I dont count those becuase they were before my preop diet.
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I know what you mean. Isnt it horrible that we feel guilty for helping ourselves? Even more RIDICULOUS (but true)... If you told them about your band, people would be like "Oh! THATS how she did it!" If you told them, they wouldnt see it is hard work... they'd think the weight just came off on its own In fact, many would be very jealous. People that dont know anything about it would think that the band did all the work and that is simply NOT true. Until people are better educated they will continue to think that too.
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Well, I went to my Dr.s yesterday. He made me feel like a million dollars. Apparently, his wife has a lapband, and he said that he'd not met anyone who'd lost as fast as she had.... at least not until me! She'd lost about 55lbs at this point. Ive lost 70.5 lbs! I was so excited. I asked him so my results are Atypical... and he said well, yes. BUT I wouldnt put it that way.. that makes it sound negative... he said that it was incredible! HEAR that ladies!?!? We are all AHEAD of the curve! I contribute this 100% to all of you. We are all here to support eachother, keep eachother in check, and to challenge eachother along the way. You are all hear when we need someone to talk to and your hear when we need a swift kick in the butt. Keep it up Steadies! We are the biggest losers around... hahaha He said they are building a new clinic and going to have a wall that shows testimonials of patients who've had great results, and he said that he'd like me to be on it. WOW! I better keep my banded butt on track then! I got another .2CCs yesterday. So, that outta put the edge back on things and make it a bit more difficult for me to ignore my band. I really have just gotten to a point where this is a lifestyle for me. I really dont think to much about eating... except when Im doing it. I have a handful of foods that I know work and I just stick to them. If I want something, I eat it. I just need to get back into my exercising grove. I am really slack off to nothing when it comes to exercise. I MUST get moving. Strength training is going to be my BIG focus. Some cardio... I just wanna get ripped. First woman in the UFC! Side note: I know what you all mean by the UFC... my exhusband fought like that in the UK. That is where I learned all about it. It was incredible to see what those men can do.</p></p>
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this new version of site is really annoying... I wrote this lenghty response to Kay and VAband last night and POOF! it was gone. Got some error message and everything that I typed disappeard... gggrrrr I hope they work the bugs out soon! Sassy! you are always more than welcome. Dont be nervous about us girl! We are glad to have you back :-) and glad that your doing so well Bannanie - yep im thinking about it. the very bottom of my stomach. I can tell it is not going to be flat. It might not take much, but I dont want that skin there. My arms are almost keeping up, but 40 more lbs and I think they will be much more "loose"... as far as the breasts, I dont mind having C's at all, I just want to get them looking a tad bit perkier. They arent bad now, but they need a little tweeking. If I am going to all the trouble of losing all this, then i want to be able to get in a bikinni someday and look HOT! That is my goal. One day I will have a pic for you ladies... me on the beach lookin smokin' hot (HA, boy now THAT is a long way off!! BUT it WILL happen!)
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OT- Forum layout change=forum doesnt work as well
beversman replied to joe7777's topic in LAP-BAND Surgery Forums
yes, problems... i just lost a very long post that id spent alot of time typing. And the layout with the banner down the right side... with all the ads... it only contributes to the problem (taking up space) But if they are helping fund the site and keep it up and running... we can deal. Good luck with the "bugs"