805sujo2325

For the last 7 years I have been over 200 lbs. Except for the year that I lost 60lbs. Right after the 60 lb. mark, I changed jobs, changed living situation, and with the new stress and changes slowly started to put the weight back on. The past year I was on weight watchers (which is what I used the first time along with 6 days a week 2 hour long gym session). I started to hit the gym again, doing cardio and resistance. The only thing that resisited was my weight. I would lose 2 pounds one week, then gain 4 pounds the following wee. Sometimes these numbers changed but the scale did not and neither did my pant size. 1 year later, I don't know what sparked my interest, but I thought lap-band. (It could be the bombarding of televsion, radio, billboard ads that promise a new thin you). I realize that this is a big step and a serious commitment.
Once I shared my thoughts about the lap band, I had two extremes. My mother said I wasn't committed and that if I just went to bed hungry every night, then I'd lose the weight. Some other "not so nice" comments were made, and I ended that discussion. My father was nervous about me having surgery, but supportive. My best friend had gastric bypass in 2004 and lost 80lbs. and gained back 20. She is not big by any means, she is 5'6 and now maintains a 160-165 average. I am 29, and have the "pretty face" syndrome. You know the "You have such a pretty face...... if only she lost the weight." I feel like my life has been on hold for so long. I am ashamed of what I have done to myself and for that reason I have not dated for the past 2 years. While all my friends are getting married or having kids, I cringe at the idea of going out to meet men. I know it is a terrible thing to think, but I oftern find myself saying who would want me. Obviously, I know this is not true, but I still will not put myself out there. I started golf lessons and pilates but found both to be uncomfortable, not only because of my weight, but because I was the largest person participating and found some of the movements akward.
I have started all the pre-op stuff and am planning on having surgery with Dr. Billy. I go for all the major appointments May 6, with oither appointments May 10,11,12,nad meet with Dr. Billy on May 13. Which hopefully we will set a surgery date for the begining of June. I don't know why, but I have been giving myself anxiety over the surgery, trolling the internet for mortality statistics. I am so scared of surgery but I think this is the best resort for me to begin living my life to the fullest again.
I came across this message board and found the messages to be useful and inspiring. So thank you.