ftodd30263

Today is April 12th 2010, I am getting close to having my surgery, I don't have a date yet, but I am praying it will be in the next few weeks. I have done everything needed except for the evaluation and the EDG test, which both are scheduled for next week. My reason's for doing this is for myself. I look at myself and I do not like what I see on the outside. If happiess was measured by weight I would be extremely happy..lol. I am not your typical mom, wife or friend. I bring alot to the table, with everything I have been through in my life I think God has made me special. I used to be be thin,beautiful,full of life, active and your typical teenage girl. Then things changed for me and I fell into a spiral in a down hill spin. I let myself go and did not care what I looked like. I thought if I changed my outward appearance people would stay away. It didn't happen like that, even though I was putting on weight, I found someone to love me and they loved all of me. Although I was not as heavy as I am now. I still was alittle bigger than the yr before. I met Jeff in Jan 88' and fell in love with him, we had our struggles in the beginning but we fought to stay together. We got married in Nov 89' and started our family right away. I gained 82 lbs with our son and kept every ounce of it. It was only 15 months later I was pregnant with our daughter and gained an additional 35 lbs putting me over 215 lbs from the 125 I did weigh when we got married. In over the last 20 yrs I have maintained that weight give or take 20 lbs or so. I have tried several diets, diet Drs, excerise programs and just watching what I eat. I have developed a love of food, not that I am addicted to it, but just because its good. My husband tells me all the time, he loves me and all of me, so I just remain over weight. I figured if he loved me the way I am, why change. But change is exactully what I am needing in my life right now. I look at myself and I am not happy, not like I should be. I want to be able to go into a store and buy that cute little sun dress, or that cute pair of jeans, or just to be able to shop on the other end of the store with all the reg people. It is more than that though, it's for my health, over the past couple of yrs, I have devoloped PCOS, FIBRMYALGIA,HYPOVITAMINOIS(VITD), brown spots from having too much fat, sore feet, bad knees, and just not being able to get from point A-B without breathing like I have ran a marathon. I am doing this for me and I look forward to the day when I can look at myself and see the person I know I am on the inside. This is a journey of a life time and I am going to grab it with both hands and enjoy the changes it is going to have in my life. My #1 goal is to be healthy so I can live a long life with my husband and my children and grandchildren one day. To have these changes in my life is going to make a world of differnce in how I feel about myself and how  others will look at me. I know God directs my path and I know He has opened the door for all this to happen, so I am going to walk through those open doors, He has opened for me and know that He is with me all the way and I know I will be successful because of it.